Vintage79 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I'm just getting back into the dating world, and have been meeting some people online and some elsewhere. That said, these questions are primarily focused on the online women, as the format is newer to me. Online, you obviously meet via e-mail, or some similar electronic method, and frequently set up a date without even chatting over the phone (or perhaps I'm strange in that sense). That said, e-mail becomes a very easy, convenient method of communication with these people - how important is it to migrate to chatting over the phone, and if it's important, at what point is it best to migrate to that method - (i.e. before date 1, between dates 1 and 2, date 3, etc.)? Moreover, say you've already had a few dates - is e-mail still acceptable, or is it taboo at that point, with phone being the only way to go? Next, how frequently should a guy be in contact with his potential date and when setting up dates 2, 3, 4, etc.? Every day, every other, every few - what's the best way to go given the typical busy schedule of individuals? Your insight is greatly appreciated!
monkey00 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I think it varies from person to person, so you'll just have to feel it out and go with the flow. It seems to me that the frequency and method of contact is more or less based on the needs of the individuals. Of course busy lives also play a role too. I'm dating someone I met from online and have been out together several times. I only contact her in between dates to set up the next one and do a little chatting at the same time. Sometimes I call her, someones I contact her through the site. I personally don't think it's taboo at at all if both parties still have their profile up on the site.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 For me it was very important to get off email and move on to normal communication like the phone to make future dates. The way I saw internet dating was that it was just a means to a first meet, if there was ever going to be a first date after the first meeting, then we left email behind and would move to phone conversation. Of course emails during the day to break up the work day were fine but we did not use email as our main source to communicate it was the phone from that point on.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 early on the less contact the better...the reason being that the more contact you have the greater the chances of you shooting yourself in the foot. once you have a mutual match and you know each other better then you can increase the contact.
bac Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 You can set a date only by email. A phone call is optional. You can set dates once per week, but ask your woman about her preferences. If you are a player and you want to get laid as soon as possible, all communications should be more often. For a player, it might be better to email daily, have several long phone conversations before the date, and to have dates in 1-3 days.
Author Vintage79 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 So, say you're not a player - what's an appropriate frequency for dates with a particular person - once a week, twice a week, or more? And Alphamale - as little contact as possible? As in, don't contact each other unless it's to set up a date? Or at most once per week, be it to set up a date or not? Any any more feedback like that from Inspiredbyyou regarding instant migration from e-mail, or perhaps the contrary, such as stay away from the phone at all costs...just trying to figure out what's acceptable - and yes, I realize it's clearly a case-by-case basis, so perhaps mention your own style...
StalledGirl Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) I don't understand dating rules but I don't use dating sites so probably lack knowledge. One thing I do know is that i'd never meet someone without speaking first on the phone so I could hear their voice. I don't agree with the American idea of multi dating either as I find it rude:( I'd email/call/text as much as I liked the person reciprocated Edited December 21, 2009 by StalledGirl
alphamale Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 And Alphamale - as little contact as possible? As in, don't contact each other unless it's to set up a date? Or at most once per week, be it to set up a date or not? ... something like that
bac Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 As a generalization, if you are not a player, you should send around 4 emails and set a coffee shop meeting. Next meetings in 2-7 days. The first kiss on the 1-2th dates. The first sex on the 3-5th dates or in around 1 month. But it is all flexible. For example, if your girl is a virgin who does not want to have sex before marriage, you are going to have sex after marriage.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 For example, if your girl is a virgin who does not want to have sex before marriage, you are going to have sex after marriage. no, you are going to run for the hills
InspiredbyYou Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Vintage79 the best words of advice I can give you are: a) Act on a girl's reciprocation and body language/energy b) You want to keep the interaction progressing, the speed of which you can only determine once you are in it with someone and you see the level of interest on either parts c) Living by other people's rules is only going to leave you confused and feeling empty d) every relationship is a gamble, you risk sometimes more than other times but you have to play each hand as it is deal to you and sometimes you have to act on your toes there really is not set in stone way. The most important thing once you have started connecting online is to move to a phone call rather soonish so that you can also move to a first meeting soonish. No point spending all that emotional back and forth with someone whom you have no clue if you will like in person. Then you meet and establish you want to see each other again, you ask if you can call her since you would like to see her again. Then you call her if she says yes and proceed to make plans again. From personal experience I will tell you there have been some men that were not such great communicators on the phone therefore I did not enjoy talking to them on the phone as much and making plans felt too contrived. Then there were those who were totally engaging and we had such a great rapport that our conversations would last hours on the phone and this continued even after years of us being together. And with those types of guys it was never something that was planned it just flowed naturally, him: call you tomorrow? me: would love that! him: would love to see you again this week? me: sure I am free on Friday. In other words I am a lot more inclined to follow his lead at his pace and be quite happy with his pace if I am feeling the connection but too much too soon is never a good thing. If his pace is balanced then it is something I don't even have to think about and that suits me just fine. Of course you may ask but what is balanced? Balance to me means he is acting on how we are both feeling not just on what he wants or on what he thinks I want.
monkey00 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Let's just avoid all your questions and generalize about online dating. Always assume that the person you're talking with/dating is dating and talking to other people from the site. And I might add you should consider doing the same too. With that you weigh in your decisions based on how you feel out the person after a number of dates. At the end of the day, you may or may not be the only guy they're dating.
Author Vintage79 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I definitely agree that seeing other people while things are getting going is the way to go - and yes, no reason to assume that they aren't doing the exact same thing. To that point, one could make an argument to try to shift to the phone as quickly as possible to help separate you from the droves of people trying to contact them online. At the same time, if you don't really know each other (i.e. met once or twice), the "reply on my schedule" kind of thing is nice, as it removes a lot of pressure - and if she's dating lots of guys, playing phone tag with every one is bound to be a tangle - I know it is for me...so once again, no reason to think that it won't be for her. I tend to opt for a blend of some calls and some e-mails (but definitely more e-mails), but I'm still a work in progress - hence seeking advice.
aerogurl87 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 OP I'm sorry but I'd never meet a person off the net without talking to them on the phone at least once. There are some men's voices that give me the creeps even if they are genuinely a nice guy (ex. super deep voices) and then there are some voices that I find to be a complete turnoff. Also, you can sometimes get that creepy vibe from someone's voice that you can't get from reading an email or just chatting online. So yeah I'd definitely talk on the phone before meeting.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I normally start off with email communications until I'm comfortable enough to give out my cell phone #. Those that rush into asking for your number or post theirs right away are actually more creepy in my opinion, because they are normally the ones that want a date right away, which eventually leads to sex. Most woman looking for relationships are more comfortable with starting off slow, so if you invite them out to coffee after a week, they'll normally say yes. A dinner can proceed afterwards where they can assess whether they actually want to have a second date or not. For a guy, it's really a hit and a miss.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 It's going to be totally different depending on the person. Just go with the flow, read their reciprocation.
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