softlips Posted December 28, 2002 Share Posted December 28, 2002 well what can i say..my bf and i are very distant from one another since he's gone back to school..so to pass time and enjoy life i would hang with his best friend. we would go have coffee, movies, we'd talk to each other 3-4 times a day, we'd even go clubing together...now i have fallen for him, and hes not a dumb guy i think he knows...but now things with my bf arnt the best...he seems jealous, and i dont want to let his best friend go....i know that if me and my boyfriend were to break up...i'd loose what i have with his friend...so how do i have my cake and east it too?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 28, 2002 Share Posted December 28, 2002 OK now, if my reading comprehension is correct, what you said is that you are basically in love...of have fallen for...your boyfriend's best friend. Then you say your boyfriend, who is a distance away, is a bit jealous and upset now...I wonder why? Then you complete your statement by implying that you need to stay with the boyfriend who's a bit jealous and upset because if you break up with him it will screw things up between you and his best friend, who you have fallen for. OK, fine! That's the most goofy reason for staying with a boyfriend I have ever heard of in my life and the first time I've seen something like this in reading well over 10,000 posts on this forum in the last three years. I am more dumbfounded than you are. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author softlips Posted December 31, 2002 Author Share Posted December 31, 2002 thanks for your reply...ok yes i do sound very dumb...however what i neglected to mention was that it was my bf who pushed him to take me out and keep me busy...and like wise my bf would tell me when i'm board i should call his buddy. the way i see it...my man had no time for me and his buddy wasnt in school wasnt working...therfore he found someone to pawn me off to...and because we started spending time together...there were things that i loved about him that my bf just couldnt give me...i hope that makes more sense....i look forward to some more of your blunt advise...thanks also...what would you do..i love my man...and i love his best friend....so right off the bat things musnt be that great with my bf for me to fall for another guy..but do stay in a dead end relationship and have some sort of happieness with his budy(on the down low)...or do i end the dead end relationship..and loose both....you see they will always be friends....their loyalties lie to each other...so what do i do Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 31, 2002 Share Posted December 31, 2002 When people supply important details, it changes things a LOT!!! First, if your boyfriend is not meeting your emotional and other needs that you consider important to you...and he is so bold to turn you over to someone else to get you off his back...he's not worth keeping for another minute. Dump him, get rid of him, end it immediately. You don't need to be in a relationship where you are relegated in importance to that of some household pet. My bet is that your "boyfriend's" buddy, with whom you have been spending all this time, cares about you just as much in return and is having the same feelings you are about expressing them. First, you have absolutely nothing to lose. You have a deadend boyfriend who has little regard for you. That's a pretty lonely feeling. There is no good purpose in hanging around with somebody you really like a lot and putting yourself through torture. There is just no point in that at all. I think you ought to first break up with the boyfriend who is not fulfiling for you. Then, you need to have a talk with his buddy and tell him what you have already done. Also, you need to let him know about the feelings you have deveoped for him and how much you enjoy being with him...then just stop right there. Let this guy do the rest of the talking. You might be surprised at his response. But whatever the response, you will be getting out of a really bad situation for yourself. If your "boyfriend's" buddy...the one you like now...decides he shouldn't see you any more, that's some paid you can go through now and avoid in the future. It would be inevitable. Once you break away from all these chains that are holding you back, you can proceed to find someone who is right there nearby...not off a school...and someone you can relate to in a personal way and enjoy a rewarding relationship with. There are lots of guys out there who would love to be with you and spend time with you and not hand you off to a buddy. That's a pretty sorry state of affairs. Let your feelings be known as soon as possible and stop living a lie. But you must break up with your boyfriend first...and no say anything to the buddy until after that time. If you are just staying in this whole mess out of insecurity, then you might want to consult with a competent counsellor to help you through this. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 31, 2002 Share Posted December 31, 2002 I say be honest with both of them and tell them you love them both and want to date them both. also...what would you do..i love my man...and i love his best friend....so right off the bat things musnt be that great with my bf for me to fall for another guy..but do stay in a dead end relationship and have some sort of happieness with his budy(on the down low)...or do i end the dead end relationship..and loose both....you see they will always be friends....their loyalties lie to each other...so what do i do or end the relationship with one FIRST and ask the buddy if he wants to start a relationship with you -- like Tony suggested. Personally, if their loyalties are to each other, I wouldn't want to play second fiddle to either of them. And it's no relationship if it has to be kept secrect from anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
opie_wonder Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 lose him... ur b/f is not wat u need. i know thats easier to say then do but u need to understand that the love in ur relationship has seemed to have left. u are not in a good relationship and thats not good for either of u and u need to lose him. it sounds like u have a good relationship with this friend, but u need to know that this will not be easy on ur b/f and he will be unhappy if u rush into a new relationship so u need to take it slowly and wait a little. but if u have something with this other guy u should go for it and u should have fun. the current relationship is not good for either of u and this is not helping either of u , so just leave him... wait a little while and the try with the other guy... have fun., OPIE Link to post Share on other sites
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