Tressugar Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I don't know what to think about this, but it seems like I'm a married man magnet. Currently, three married men at work are interested in me. One of the three has made their interest known to me. I've been off the market for years. My husband says he tired of men disrespecting him by flirting with me. I shut it down by stating I'm flattered, but in love with my husband. This has been my dilemma ever since I was a teen. Only married men are interested in me. I even met my husband when he was married to his ex wife. Has anyone else experienced this? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 They are doing it because something about you is making them think they can. It worked for your husband so might work for them. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 AT the risk of sounding flip, why does it matter? You are married so who cares who "wants you?" That said though, I do find that I am very good at "shutting things down" when it appears that someone may be interested in me. I would not allow a relationship to develop in which a man felt that he had the opening to express his interest in me. Make sense? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 It doesn't matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'm reflecting and was wondering if I am repeating the same patterns or growing as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 It doesn't matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'm reflecting and was wondering if I am repeating the same patterns or growing as a person. OK, but still. It is not good as a married person to get in an intimate enough conversation with a member of the opposite sex in which they feel comfortable enough to express their interest in you. It just leads to trouble. I am not being critical, truly. But in general, it is something I avoid like the plague. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 I'm in total agreement with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 You are putting off some vibe through flirting or body language that makes you appear vulnerable or available. Are you flirting with them ?? In order to get to the point where one openly expresses interest in you the answer to that question is probably yes. My guess is you like the attention and encourage it but when they get serious about it you realize what you are doing. I'd find out because eventually you will bump into one that you say yes to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Currently, three married men at work are interested in me. One of the three has made their interest known to me. How do you know the other two are also interested in you? Not doubting you, just wondering how you found out since they didn't "make it known to you" directly? A lot of MM are like alley cats- they'll go after anything that (in their minds) offers the faintest of potential for a little yowling in the bushes. Their attention is meaningless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 It doesn't matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'm reflecting and was wondering if I am repeating the same patterns or growing as a person. Do you have strong boundaries and keep it professional with these guys at work? Don't get too personal nor flirty with them. Do you speak of your husband on occasion at work, around these married men? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 It doesn't matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'm reflecting and was wondering if I am repeating the same patterns or growing as a person. If you are repeating the same patterns, then there's a lesson in there you haven't learned yet along the way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) It doesn't matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'm reflecting and was wondering if I am repeating the same patterns or growing as a person. Review all YOUR body movements - are they flirtatious? Review all spoken words you use - are they too personal? Do you ONLY keep on business topics? You know what you do or don't do. There must be a boundary you consistently cross for that many men to consistently approach you. There are many things you can do/say that definitely give others the idea that you aren't "open to" them. Look at those things. Ask a trusted friend to review with you what you can change based on the message you've conveyed over the years. Is that you in your picture? Can you tell me what message that picture sends to others? Edited June 28, 2014 by 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
firmness Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 My current girlfriend seems to get this sort of attention as well. She does not know it yet, but this is causing me to rethink my relationship with her. She is talking about the future together and I am thinking about how I am going to deal with this. She puts out vibes that are subdued, but sexy as hell. I don't think she can help it. On the other hand, she puts out very powerful signals of attraction - lingering hugs, staring in men's eyes a second or two longer than would be normal in platonic relationships, and laughing louder at certain men's jokes than others. I suspect you are doing the same. And I suspect that deep inside you both know it. And I suspect that you both gain a significant amount of power from your sexuality - and you both had rough childhoods (were you an ugly duckling type as a little girl?) and are not willing to give this power up now that you have it. No one will tell you the truth to your face about this. Women are notoriously difficult in this way - any woman who is honest will just sound like a jerk for pointing it out and any man who mentions it will sound controlling or overbearing. Now you know - from an internet stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
NoodleNuts Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Girl, you need to SHUT IT DOWN. An experienced woman learns how to NOT give off the "I'm sexy and feel free to flirt with me" vibe. You are going to have to be a little more self-observant and realize you are putting out the vibe. Men are responding to it. Some people are just natural flirts. Like another poster said, they giggle a little too long, stare a little too long, maybe let their hand brush against another person's a little too much....you are doing something to invite the attention. You have to give off the DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FLIRTING WITH ME VIBE. If you don't know how to do that, talk to someone who is older and wiser. I am assuming you want to stop the attentions?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 Can you answer the questions posters here have asked of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Currently, three married men at work are interested in me. One of the three has made their interest known to me. They way you track this indicates you're getting some validation in return. Why would you be in the market for that ??? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 I'll address some questions. I'm shy by default. I stay to myself at work and don't communicate with anyone unless it's necessary to complete an assignment. I wear business suit the majority of the time. These men go out of their way to approach me. I wear a fat diamond ring and my husband makes himself known at my job. When I communicate with these men they try to take it to personal level while I only will respond to work related questions. I agree it is a pattern of mine with married men in general. When I was single very rarely I would get approached by single available men. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 I'll address some questions. I'm shy by default. I stay to myself at work and don't communicate with anyone unless it's necessary to complete an assignment. I wear business suit the majority of the time. These men go out of their way to approach me. I wear a fat diamond ring and my husband makes himself known at my job. When I communicate with these men they try to take it to personal level while I only will respond to work related questions. I agree it is a pattern of mine with married men in general. When I was single very rarely I would get approached by single available men. It met be your body language then... But it is something you're doing because you are the common denominator. Have someone you trust review your body language so you can adjust it accordingly - then you should see a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 How do I know the two others are interested they continuously approach me on non work related questions such as personal questions about myself and the way they look, talk and behave around me. I have dated a LOT I know when a man is interested in me versus a man who is curious to get to know me as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 I disagree that it's in my body language/gestures. The reason why my boss and people in general accuse me as coming off as standoffish and even rude. I believe I'm there to work and not socialize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 It's something that I've came to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Is that your picture? Is that your normal style of body language (if it's you)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 Yes that is me at a Halloween theme party. I was dressed up for that event. I don't normally dress like that nor body language. Again I can only wear professional attire at work. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 You've discounted every suggestion to consider. I guess we can't help... But I'd bet money, since you don't interact that much and don't say much - it's got to be body language. When people ask me personal questions that are unwarranted - I let them know I have no obligation to answer. What is your response? You don't have to respond... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 (edited) Maybe you simply have qualities married men like. For me, I find that your looks convey a sexual nature, and lots of married guys aren't getting any. I bet your husband was sex deprived when he met you. Edited June 30, 2014 by Thegameoflife Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 ... My husband says he tired of men disrespecting him by flirting with me. ... i am confused by this statement, how does he know? it seems you are using his insecurity to gain something (hint: your fat engagement ring). BTW did these three men continue to pursue you after you 'passed'? yes, then why is this an issue, they asked you said no and its done (happens thousands a times a day). no (they continue to pursue you) then either you are misunderstanding their intent (they are being friendly) or you are in total denial (that you give no signs of interest at all). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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