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I'm unable to be myself around pretty much everyone


BlueEyedGirl

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BlueEyedGirl

I generally find any social interaction draining, like I'm doing the acting role and can't wait to get away.

 

What I do when I meet someone for the first time (either as friends or dating) is this: I get a "feel" for what type of person they are and then modify my personality so that we get along better. As a result, people love me, generally inviting me to hang out all the time etc. I find this increasingly draining as I'm not even close to being myself. The more I get to know someone with my "fake persona" the harder it gets to open up and be myself.

 

I have tons of friends that only know me on a superficial level and I generally steer the conversations so that they talk about themselves and I don't talk much about myself at all. Some people don't really even notice this, but few that have tried to get closer have told me that I'm emotionally distant and have "mood swings" (as I tend to avoid them completly when I'm not in the mood to put on an appropriate persona for them).

 

I was refering to friends situations above, and all this is much worse when it comes to dating so I have stopped bothering with that completly. I have never met a person in my life that I can just be myself with naturally (apart from my mum and some online friends) so I figure there is pretty much zero chance that that's going to just happen in the future (I'm in my late 20's) .

 

I prefer being by myself to pretty much being with anyone - and this is by choice as people tend to like me (or pretend me) much more than I like them and I end up being the one pushing them away.

 

Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts.. :o

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SpanksTheMonkey

DITO.. Wow I thought I was the only one I often feel the same like its all a song and dance in publick or around people I meet your right its exausting. I'm 30 and its only gotten worse as I age I've found. I have a very quarky almost odd personality if you realy get to know me. And I increaselingly find I have to conform as I get older or be seen as a bit childish or well plain odd. Don't get me wrong I can carry a adult conversation with the best of them and I have adult intrests as well. But some times dam it I just like my frutty pebels and cartoons! lol. Oh and I talk to myself out loud but quietly when I shop alone in stores. And no I'm not nuts it just helps me think better some times lol. I gave up on the idea of close friends too and dateing well yeah same thing. I kinda feel very misunderstood anymore and am loseing hope of finding others who may "get me" :confused::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::D

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Dude read my thread titled "Aspergers..."

 

Then take the quiz. You probably don't have it, but we're probably kindred spirits. I can sympathize 100% with what you are saying.

 

I've no advice, except that if you start being yourself at some point, eventually you'll find some real friends (I have one). If you don't, you're doomed to lead this kind of superficial existence... but who am I to tell you what to do. We're in the same boat, as far as social things are concerned.

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We all do this to a certain extent. Human beings are highly adaptable and will switch into different modes of behaviour depending on their surroundings. We are all different at home, at work, with good friends, with so - so friends, acquaintainces,family,lovers etc... . It is natural not to feel comfortable 100% all of the time with whomever you happen to be with.

 

The fact that you do adjust is a positive thing. I do not think you are putting on a fake persona but are rather projecting different and often contrasting aspects of your personality. People are multi- faceted and complex and this is reflected in their interactions with others. What is important, in my opinion, is to essentially remain adherent to our core personality traits which are the building blocks of our personal identity.

 

Naturally, the person we are most comfortable and familiar with is ourself! That's why alone moments can be so restful. We can let down our guard and be who we are without having to accomodate others.

 

No doubt, if we have a healthy and positive self-image, then, we are our own best friend. It is just as important to like ourself as it is to have others like us.

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SpanksTheMonkey

Wow thanks spookie that was intresting I took the test thingey and this is what mine said....Your Aspie score: 132 of 200

Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 84 of 200

You are very likely an Aspie

I dunno how to feel about it I think I will def be doing more reading on the subject :confused: some of it dose seam to make sence tho.. If I am if it a bad thing is there meds for it or something?

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BlueEyedGirl-

 

I often feel the same. You are not alone, its just that people like us by definition are not out meeting each other much.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I try and do what spookie suggested. I have found that being yourself (within reason) with certain people is very liberating and a way to find real friends.

 

There is a chance some people may not like the real you, but I don't think you can really live your life by worrying about what everyone else thinks.

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