confusedgirl56 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 A lot of very helpful people here have suggested that it was a good idea to "play it cool" with a guy after sex. Please help me with some specific examples because I'm not sure how to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Playing it cool to me means don't act like anything has changed. Act exactly the same way you did before you had sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Ayla Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I guess it depends on the person. Some thoughts are: 1. Let him initiate contact more often 2. Don't be so eager to reply straight away ( even leaving the reply for 15 min). Give it a little bit of time so it doesn't look like your sitting on the phone 3. Keep yourself busy with other things, that way again it doesn't look like your sitting by the phone 4. Make plans with him that dont involve the bedroom (lunch, coffee, visit a museum etc) But don't do things that change who you are at the core. For instance someone told me to be more vague, imply that I have a date etc...but that would make me something I'm not, and also would damage the situation in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
Ayla Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 And also what Star Gazer said... Link to post Share on other sites
iJester Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Don't intentionally take longer to answer texts, because that is the same thing as pretending you have a date or something. Instead, answer when it's convenient. If you're sitting doing nothing, just respond then. If you're busy, wait until you're free. And yeah...what Star Gazer said. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 For instance someone told me to be more vague, imply that I have a date etc...but that would make me something I'm not, and also would damage the situation in my case. Being vague and implying you have a date after you have swapped bodily fluids with a guy is the surest way to never getting a call back.. Geezz.. why do people think you have to play games.. If the guy slept with the OP for the right reason then no game playing will change the outcome.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ayla Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yep-exactly. That's why I'm ignoring the friends advice in that sense. But I think some people will suggest it, so thought I might add it in as a 'what not to do'. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Why do you feel awkward after having one of the most intimate activities in the world? Why play a game after sex? This is the result if having sex too soon. If you had sex at the right time you would not have doubts and so many questions. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Don't play games. Contact when you want to and don't when you don't want to. Don't make up lame reasons to contact them. Don't assume stupid stuff when they do or don't respond - you will make yourself crazy and crazy is like romance repellant. Sex isn't like winning the lottery; it can happen without your entire life changing. Keep being you and doing you as usual to avoid blowing what happened way out of proportion. Don't stop making plans with your friends and maintaining your social life as usual. When someone invites you to do something - don't put it off just in case the person you just started up with might want to do something that same day. If they end up wanting some of your time they can either come along to what you were invited to or hope they will remember to make plans with you earlier in the week. Don't make any effort they extend goad you into something you wouldn't normally do such as "oh hey he bought me overly expensive basic black pumps - I should thank him by having sex before I can do so and not become a freak over it after the fact". Take them at their word until they give you real reason to doubt their words. Don't read a bunch of stuff they didn't say into what they did say. Link to post Share on other sites
David Cain Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Don't play it down. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 If I had sex, I'd just be so happy that I had it that I wouldn't care about how things had changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Playing it cool to me means don't act like anything has changed. Act exactly the same way you did before you had sex. Yes. Don't get all moony-eyed and clingy. Just enjoy what's happening without putting any pressure on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Playing it cool to me means don't act like anything has changed. Act exactly the same way you did before you had sex. Then why have sex? Sex should create intimacy and bring you closer together. I find it rather sad that a woman (girl?) would have to pretend she didn't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Then why have sex? Sex should create intimacy and bring you closer together. I find it rather sad that a woman (girl?) would have to pretend she didn't care. Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!! When i have sex I am in heaven and very close to my partner. Why act distant? Answer: SEX TOO SOON. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 If I had sex, I'd just be so happy that I had it that I wouldn't care about how things had changed. haha! I'm beginning to feel this way myself! BTW I love your name & your avatar. I'm rockin my favorite Beatles shirt right now OP, are you in a friends with benefits type situation? If so then 'playing it cool' after sex just means don't treat him like he's your boyfriend. playing it cool = not caring. This doesn't jive with me when it comes to sex because I DO care. I'm afraid I can't be of much help to you. Be safe, use condoms, and be honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!! When i have sex I am in heaven and very close to my partner. Why act distant? Answer: SEX TOO SOON. I think this is about right. But I think there is small group of people who get more freaked out by clingy words than sex. I think sex opens so many emotions for people you might be better off taking it slow afterwards by not getting too clingy. But for sure you need to let them know you like them. Another big question is to know your own boundaries. Would you care if this other person kept dating other people after you had sex.. Are you 'cool' with that. Many people can't handle that possibility and it might be something to talk about if that is how you feel, rather than letting the uncertainty bother you. Of course that might be the end of it all too. Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 refer to my response in your other thread, and you can't go wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 True, just behave normal and talk normal as you used to do. Thus you both can continue the relation. Behaving abnormally may cause misconception among both of your minds, Why should the sexual encounter be minimized? I think sex changes the dynamics of the relationship? Why this insistence in pretending that nothing happened? Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Why should the sexual encounter be minimized? I think sex changes the dynamics of the relationship? Why this insistence in pretending that nothing happened? I think I'm going to agree with you. Sex does change things, but if sex happens at the right time in the relationship (and especially that it doesn't happen too soon) then these are only good things that should be welcomed so nobody needs to "play it cool" or "act" in any particular way. Have sex when it's the right time to have sex and be yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I think I'm going to agree with you. Sex does change things, but if sex happens at the right time in the relationship (and especially that it doesn't happen too soon) then these are only good things that should be welcomed so nobody needs to "play it cool" or "act" in any particular way. Have sex when it's the right time to have sex and be yourself. Well. that opens another just as confusing thread that's been spinning around here for a long time. What is the right time to have sex? That's never clear either. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Then why have sex? Sex should create intimacy and bring you closer together. I find it rather sad that a woman (girl?) would have to pretend she didn't care. I never ever ever ever said that a woman should pretend like she doesn't care. The OP asked what "playing it cool after sex means," and I just gave my description - act like nothing has changed. That is, don't become weepy and mushy and emotional (if you weren't already), but also don't pull back or decrease contact or play any other games. Rather, just act the same way you did just prior to sex - frequency of contact, personality, communication style, all of that...keep it the same. Now, in the ideal world, HOPEFULLY when you have sex you already care a whole lot and will already be close, so that the day after sex shouldn't be any different. On the other hand, if it was too soon, then you also shouldn't be acting like you're about to walk down the aisle on the one extreme, or treating them like a booty call/could care less on the other extreme. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Well. that opens another just as confusing thread that's been spinning around here for a long time. What is the right time to have sex? That's never clear either. At the risk of creating a circular argument, the answer is "when it won't be awkward afterwards". Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I never ever ever ever said that a woman should pretend like she doesn't care. The OP asked what "playing it cool after sex means," and I just gave my description - act like nothing has changed. That is, don't become weepy and mushy and emotional (if you weren't already), but also don't pull back or decrease contact or play any other games. Rather, just act the same way you did just prior to sex - frequency of contact, personality, communication style, all of that...keep it the same. Now, in the ideal world, HOPEFULLY when you have sex you already care a whole lot and will already be close, so that the day after sex shouldn't be any different. On the other hand, if it was too soon, then you also shouldn't be acting like you're about to walk down the aisle on the one extreme, or treating them like a booty call/could care less on the other extreme. It all sounds good, but should you talk about it? and see how you both feel about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 It all sounds good, but should you talk about it? and see how you both feel about it. Talk about...what, exactly? "I am now more attached to you because we've had sex." ?? Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Talk about...what, exactly? "I am now more attached to you because we've had sex." ?? how about expectations. Are you dating of people.. might be a place to start. I think half of the disasters on LS are because people see thing differently. Link to post Share on other sites
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