Moy Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I've been on POF for two years now and I've recently joined Tinder. In that time I've had a grand total of zero dates and a s*** ton of remarks about my height. Even this morning I had somebody on Tinder mock my height and unmatch me immediately. I'm sick of it, it makes me feel useless about myself. I'm caring, loving, loyal, humourous, hardworking, got my own house etc, I work out and have 6 pack abs in my 40s, yet the mere mention of 5ft 8 renders me undateable. Is there ANY way out of this?
Toodaloo Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 You could always wear stilts. Better still get off the damn websites that are making you feel bad about yourself. I would suggest though that you accept that some women are just complete bitches just as some men are complete b*stards. At 5ft 8 you are not short. Suggest that you change the type of women you are trying to date and also your attitude towards the women that say these things. After all they don't know you, they haven't met you so who are they to judge? Do you really want to go on dates with women who are so judgmental and superficial? Tinder does tend to be for people who just want to get laid... so I am afraid looks will come into it. Internet dating sucks in my humble opinion. Its just a super market "easy" way to meet women. Easy, it is not, for any one involved...! Also check your profile appeals to the type of women you want to attract. I had a look at PoF yesterday and the number of half naked men on there... Please! Give me a break - put some clothes on and smile! I recommend that you talk to friends and family. Ask them if they know of any single women that would be suitable for you to meet. Go out. Talk to women in day to day life. Go dancing, salsa, ball room, Zumba... (always loads of women looking for a dance partner and believe you me you may feel a pillock to start off but you will be viewed as a God by the time you learn!). Talk to women you meet through work, shopping, keeping fit. My cousin is 5ft 5 and so far he has had loads of women want to date him after they meet him. Sadly they are not compatible so far. i.e. not yet divorced or late risers and not into the countryside much. He didn't have much luck on line either. Lots of people have little luck on line I read its only 1/5 relationships that start on line so a whopping 4/5 start face to face! While 20% is high enough to give it a go don't set your hopes on it. Good Luck! 1
Author Moy Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 You could always wear stilts. Better still get off the damn websites that are making you feel bad about yourself. I would suggest though that you accept that some women are just complete bitches just as some men are complete b*stards. At 5ft 8 you are not short. Suggest that you change the type of women you are trying to date and also your attitude towards the women that say these things. After all they don't know you, they haven't met you so who are they to judge? Do you really want to go on dates with women who are so judgmental and superficial? Tinder does tend to be for people who just want to get laid... so I am afraid looks will come into it. Internet dating sucks in my humble opinion. Its just a super market "easy" way to meet women. Easy, it is not, for any one involved...! Also check your profile appeals to the type of women you want to attract. I had a look at PoF yesterday and the number of half naked men on there... Please! Give me a break - put some clothes on and smile! I recommend that you talk to friends and family. Ask them if they know of any single women that would be suitable for you to meet. Go out. Talk to women in day to day life. Go dancing, salsa, ball room, Zumba... (always loads of women looking for a dance partner and believe you me you may feel a pillock to start off but you will be viewed as a God by the time you learn!). Talk to women you meet through work, shopping, keeping fit. My cousin is 5ft 5 and so far he has had loads of women want to date him after they meet him. Sadly they are not compatible so far. i.e. not yet divorced or late risers and not into the countryside much. He didn't have much luck on line either. Lots of people have little luck on line I read its only 1/5 relationships that start on line so a whopping 4/5 start face to face! While 20% is high enough to give it a go don't set your hopes on it. Good Luck! Thanks for the long response, much appreciated. If you've seen my other threads on here you'll know that I'm too scared to speak to women in real life now because of my OLD experiences of the past two years. It's just been drummed into me that I'm complete bottom of the barrel material in terms of dateability.
StalwartMind Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 If you look at it in a different light, consider yourself lucky that you are instantly disregarded by women that have a certain height requirement, chances are they have other preferences that are judged equally so. You are not short and even if you were, the right woman for you will appreciate you for more "meaningful" values. I understand for appearance reasons why some women feel it's a must to have a tall partner, however like Toodaloo mentioned about her cousin, there are women that don't prioritize height at all or feel that whatever else you bring to the table is of greater importance. Don't be discouraged, in fact be quite the opposite. 1
regine_phalange Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Your height sounds like a normal height to me! Maybe just stop using OLD if the people there are so trashy. I'm sure there are women attracted to you in real life but you don't notice. I mean, 40 years old with visible abs? Men in their 40ies rarely make the effort to look that good! 1
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I'm 4' 10'. You're a giant to me... (My H is your height... he's had a huge amount of partners, so his height didn't deter him...) I'm sorry, but whatever phobias, fears, conditions and inhibitions you have, they're all self-fabricated. Get out of yourself and quit making this into a far bigger problem than you're imagining it is. Really, anything stopping you from getting out and about, and meeting people, is in your head. Now, you can protest all you like, and throw all kinds of excuses back at me, if you want. But it's still all in your head, with what you convince yourself things are like.... 1
Fredster Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Hello, If you have lovely abs, I'm assuming you go to the gym..perhaps its time to go to a different gym. You are not short at all or old! But if your gym is like mine is, its full of beautiful young people with amazing bodies who wont even look at anyone over 30! It doesn't do much for the self-esteem. In a more realistic gym I bet you'd be very attractive to many of the ladies. Some of the gyms a very sociable and a good way to find people with things you have in common. Sorry Im new - so if I stating the obvious please ignore me.
Author Moy Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 I'm 4' 10'. You're a giant to me... (My H is your height... he's had a huge amount of partners, so his height didn't deter him...) I'm sorry, but whatever phobias, fears, conditions and inhibitions you have, they're all self-fabricated. Get out of yourself and quit making this into a far bigger problem than you're imagining it is. Really, anything stopping you from getting out and about, and meeting people, is in your head. Now, you can protest all you like, and throw all kinds of excuses back at me, if you want. But it's still all in your head, with what you convince yourself things are like.... I'm in full agreement. I'm being dragged out on the town this weekend by my friends!!!!
Author Moy Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Hello, If you have lovely abs, I'm assuming you go to the gym..perhaps its time to go to a different gym. You are not short at all or old! But if your gym is like mine is, its full of beautiful young people with amazing bodies who wont even look at anyone over 30! It doesn't do much for the self-esteem. In a more realistic gym I bet you'd be very attractive to many of the ladies. Some of the gyms a very sociable and a good way to find people with things you have in common. Sorry Im new - so if I stating the obvious please ignore me. My gym is great. It's HUGE and has a fantastic cross-section of ages and sexes.
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I'm in full agreement. I'm being dragged out on the town this weekend by my friends!!!! Look at your language. It's 'negative'. You're being 'dragged out'... almost as if it's against your will and something you're resistant to, and reluctant to do. Self-sabotage is a subtle thing, isn't it...? 1
Author Moy Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Look at your language. It's 'negative'. You're being 'dragged out'... almost as if it's against your will and something you're resistant to, and reluctant to do. Self-sabotage is a subtle thing, isn't it...? Of course it's negative, I'm going to be in a club full of women and if my OLD experiences are anything to go by, then you can understand (even if you disagree with) my fear.
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I don't 'disagree' with your fear. I'm telling you it's all in your head and you can change your Mind-set, because what goes on between your ears is up to you.. "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't - you're right." Henry Ford. So if you already believe, today, that you're going to have a crappy evening (and it's still a few days off) then carry on telling yourself that, and guaranteed, you will. Knock yourself out. 2
Toodaloo Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks for the long response, much appreciated. If you've seen my other threads on here you'll know that I'm too scared to speak to women in real life now because of my OLD experiences of the past two years. It's just been drummed into me that I'm complete bottom of the barrel material in terms of dateability. Right well if the way you see yourself is in the pits then that is the real problem. Trust me druggies, unemployed, and narcissists come way below you! So now you need to set yourself little goals to practice. Just a tip most women (even the out going bouncy ones like myself) do not actually bite... we might say no, but we are not generally going to bite, kick, scratch or do any thing nasty unless we feel threatened. So how to practice. Step one. For the rest of this week I want you to practice making eye contact and smiling at as many women as possible. Real women not ones you see on line. Doesn't matter what age, lets go for any woman who looks older than 25 yrs (don't want you get get a name for yourself!). It could be the woman in the car next to you at the traffic lights, it could be the woman serving you in Tesco when you pick up your lunch. It could be a Grandmother crossing the road... Any and all women. I want you to try and smile, just smile. Thats it. Step Two. When you go out this weekend keep smiling at women. All women. Now add a hello. Thats it. Don't try to go as far as conversation, just smile and say hello then walk away back to your friends. You can let me know how you get on on Monday.
Author Moy Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Right well if the way you see yourself is in the pits then that is the real problem. Trust me druggies, unemployed, and narcissists come way below you! So now you need to set yourself little goals to practice. Just a tip most women (even the out going bouncy ones like myself) do not actually bite... we might say no, but we are not generally going to bite, kick, scratch or do any thing nasty unless we feel threatened. So how to practice. Step one. For the rest of this week I want you to practice making eye contact and smiling at as many women as possible. Real women not ones you see on line. Doesn't matter what age, lets go for any woman who looks older than 25 yrs (don't want you get get a name for yourself!). It could be the woman in the car next to you at the traffic lights, it could be the woman serving you in Tesco when you pick up your lunch. It could be a Grandmother crossing the road... Any and all women. I want you to try and smile, just smile. Thats it. Step Two. When you go out this weekend keep smiling at women. All women. Now add a hello. Thats it. Don't try to go as far as conversation, just smile and say hello then walk away back to your friends. You can let me know how you get on on Monday. I've near enough just had a panic attack just from reading that!
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I'm really honestly shocked that people say bad things to you on those sites because of your height, sure some girls like only tall guys, they simply aren't the girls for you!! My bf is exactly 5'8", I have never given that a second thought, I am not super rare either. Lots of guys who aren't tall have gfs.
AD1980 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Height is extremely important to women whether old or not..comments I heard about short guys from random women or even women I consider friends is crazy.. There are women who are willing to overlook height you just have to go through lots of rejection and you also have to put yourself in position to get to know a lot of women where you can grow on them because must women are not gonna be attracted to short men at first sight.. 5
thefooloftheyear Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Im maybe 5'6".....never actively pursued a girl/woman in my life, yet have had zero problems attracting attention from good looking women,... As tall as 5'11" Most of the men in my family are pretty short, and most of us have wives/gf's that most guys would kill for... Most of those women you are interacting with on OLD are morons....and most would go for a shorter guy in a heartbeat if one made them wet...So they are liars as well.. Good looking is good looking...just as ugly is ugly...as is desireable, etc.. If you dont believe me. do this one simple experiment... Go to an area where couples may congregate..A park, shopping mall, etc...I absolutely guarantee that you will find guys shorter than you, hand in hand with women that are awesome.... Only on this site do you hear this short guys lament...Never heard/experienced it before in my entire life.. TFY 2
William Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Folks, due to a report suggesting we consolidate this into the previously closed consolidated discussion on height, I gave this a quick read and will remind members to focus on these salient points of discussion: I'm sick of it, it makes me feel useless about myself. I'm caring, loving, loyal, humourous, hardworking, got my own house etc, I work out and have 6 pack abs in my 40s, yet the mere mention of 5ft 8 renders me undateable. Is there ANY way out of this? Hence, moderation's directive is to focus on the individual specifics presented here, rather than painting the topic with a broad brush or telling the thread starter height doesn't matter, etc, etc. Work their issue. Thanks!
oldshirt Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I've near enough just had a panic attack just from reading that! Which is why you should do exactly as Toodaloo said. Do exactly what what she/he said to the letter. Start today and do it all day every day untill it is no longer triggering anxiety. You will feel very uncomfortable and out of your box at first, but in a matter of sprays or weeks that fear and anxiety will diminish. Frankly, with that level of anxiety about simple eye contact, it would not matter if you were 6'2". You have to be able to make eye contact and conversation with a flesh and blood human in the real world in order to develop a relationship with someone. If your interpersonal skills are really that bad, some professional therapy may be your best option but I will warn you, one of their first steps will be getting you to make and maintain eye contact. If the thought of eye contact and interaction is that threatening, you may need to be tested for an actual disorder like Asperger's or something.
TheyCallMeOx Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Man. You know what? **** e'm. There are three types of women in the world: 1. Women who don't care about height. 2. Women who prefer taller men. 3. Women who require taller men. Women who put emphasis on height usually are the type of women who were made fun of growing up because they were obese. Some, maybe most, of the women who lose weight after being ridiculed by men, they become bitter towards them. Since they lost X amount of pounds, now they set these ridiculous requirements because they believe they're too good for 90% of the male population. They masturbate off of making fun of dudes because it's like a revenge to them. Some of these same women are obese, but their anger clouds their judgment that they neglect their own imperfections when confronting men who don't meet their standards. Essentially, those women who have height requirements, are potentially horrible people; especially if they take the time out of their public intoxication shenanigans, running on the treadmill, and starbucks, to confront you about something that you can't even change. So you know what? **** em'. They're far from perfect. What's more important is that they're so ignorant, they don't even know their OWN imperfections. And if they do, take it out on men, then that's just a way they escape from the truth that they aren't perfect. So in the end...who is the better person? I don't know, but I certainly know who the worst person is! Why would we want to date people like that anyway? I'm 5'8". It's 2015; we're not cavemen anymore. If we wanna get an apple from the tree, we use these things called "ladders." Pretty useful. And if a woman has a height requirement for sex, then that's just another way of her saying she doesn't know how to have sex. Penis goes in vagina. What's the problem? You don't need to be over 6 feet tall to lift up a woman; there's still plenty to work with. All height really is is just an attraction. It's okay to be attracted to taller dudes, just like it's okay to be attracted to women with bigger breasts. But the women who recognize that that's all it really is, those are the ones worth pursuing anyway. In a sense, the horrible women who come out of their lairs are just doing you a favor. Yeah, they're trying to offend you, but they're really just making your job easier by sifting through the ugly rocks to find the gems. You can pick them out easier, throw them in the trash where they rightfully belong, and you can find the worthy women. I'd suggest you stay off Tinder, though. You tend to find the worst women on Tinder when it comes to dating because Tinder has that hook-up reputation. If I was a woman and I had different men messaging me to **** at my disposal, I'd be pretty picky myself. I wouldn't go as far to ridicule men, of course, but I would politely say that I'm not interested in good quality men, I'm just interested in the Mandingo." 1
TouchedByViolet Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 5'8" isn't terrible, I'm the same height as you. You can still find dates and love. Definitely need to develope thicker skin. It will improve your quality of life and allow you to meet more women. Also, you are in your 40s. MAN UP. Life is short
Omei Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) In my life ive never seen mens height being an issue to anyone I think 5'8 is a perfect size im 5'7 and the guy im seeing right now is 5'6. My cousin who is 6 feet is dating a guy who's 5'6 as well I think you're height is perfectly normal I have also never heard a woman complain about a guys height either not in real life anyway I have heard many girls complain about it online tho I think OLD is like shopping you can easily next a guy for any reason at all and it happens far too often I am guilty of it myself. Edited January 28, 2015 by Omei
Content Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I'm not gonna lie and say I've never heard of women preferring tall men but to the extent I hear on these forums seems crazy to me.. I'm 5'8 on a good day and never had a problem nor do many short men I know. Perhaps this perspective has to do with location? I'm in NYC and am of Italian descent many of us are 5'6-5'9 and are considered desirable by a lot of women..Maybe in NYC and the northeast with a lot of Italians Hispanics etc there's tons of men who are shorter and do well with women and aren't considered midgets. Where maybe the Midwest with a lot of people of Scandinavian descent you get a lot more taller men and the short guys seem even smaller and have a tougher time with women perhaps.Just a theory.
Author Moy Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 I'm not gonna lie and say I've never heard of women preferring tall men but to the extent I hear on these forums seems crazy to me.. I'm 5'8 on a good day and never had a problem nor do many short men I know. Perhaps this perspective has to do with location? I'm in NYC and am of Italian descent many of us are 5'6-5'9 and are considered desirable by a lot of women..Maybe in NYC and the northeast with a lot of Italians Hispanics etc there's tons of men who are shorter and do well with women and aren't considered midgets. Where maybe the Midwest with a lot of people of Scandinavian descent you get a lot more taller men and the short guys seem even smaller and have a tougher time with women perhaps.Just a theory. I'm in the UK.
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) back in the day ....my grandfather stood way above me i thought he was six feet tall....he wasnt ....he was five foot six.....and he was popular with women.....i always thought that all my male relatives were giants.......i have since found out.....hardly any were near six foot......they never had height....what they had was presence ...fierce loyalty and big spirits......all of them nearly fought in wars or enlisted...never shirked responsibility.,.....and treated women with respect.......i thought all of them were handsome......even my grandfather struck down with a horrible brain tumor had a twinkle in his eye for me and a softness in his eye for my nanna...... now if they had ever lived this day and needed to do old for dating prospects....they wouldnt look like much compared to air brushed two years ago photos of old...........the truth is they wouldnt have time for old......they would be out meeting and courting women....as is....in all their five foot six presence and ready smiles.....helpful hands...and open hearted ways......not all women .....go for height......i am one who does not...i look for presence and those old fashioned arts that seem to have been forgotten ...deb Edited January 28, 2015 by todreaminblue 1
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