All Activity
- Today
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Personal things. He opened up on his insecurities, etc. It was natural, we're talking about a longstanding friendship in which we shared trips, moments together and so on
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Intimate in what way?
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No, there wasn't. But we talked every day and sometimes our conversations were very open and intimate.
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Just checked the OP’s previous threads and… yes. Also, the OP said this about a year ago: I’m 24 this year and I’m desperately looking for a husband. I am currently seeing a 19 year old but I’m not sure if he even wants a relationship. At this point I am ready to marry anyone who comes my way. I want a relationship and i’m getting old. I want a family. I’m broken because every other relationship failed, Im tired of being single. I fear I will be 30 and still on dating apps. OP, I hope you realize that this kind of thinking is going to repel any normal man. Nobody wants to feel pressured like that, especially into being with someone who’d literally “marry anyone who comes her way”.
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I'm wondering if there is romantic interest on both sides, actually. This was an odd disclaimer:
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You realize it would be insane if he were "in love" after 3 dates, right? Perhaps you are on your phone too much. Twice a day is quite normal in the early stages in particular. Given your past threads, I would suggest you really step back and adjust your expectations when it comes to men and dating. You have had many...chaotic experiences. Don't turn this into one, too.
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It's only been 3 dates. That's nothing. It's too early to jump to conclusions or start worrying about what his intentions are. He doesn't even know yet. You barely know each other. At this stage it's just about getting to know each other.
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Yes he is only 22. But at the same time you are only 25. Both of you are young and need to just take time getting to know one another. No one can really tell you how interested or not interested he is in you at this point. You two are just going to have to continue going on dates and see where it goes. If it goes somewhere great. If it doesn't you gave it a shot.
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Why? You didn’t even offer to pay or share? Well, of course. It would have been a red flag if he told you he was in love with you after only three dates. As in… you think that this is not enough? Seriously? If someone I’ve been on three dates with told me she is concerned because I “only” text her twice per day I’d feel pressured and would probably distance myself. What are “good intentions”? If you mean he might have the intention to string you along, lie to you, manipulate you, and so on, then this doesn’t really have much to do with age, sadly people of all ages and genders do that. If you mean that he doesn’t intend to have a serious relationship with you, then it’s not really “good” versus “bad”, it’s just that both of you have to be very clear and honest about what you expect from this.
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I am 25 and he is 22 we matched on and off for a year on FB dating. We rematched a couple weeks ago and he messaged me and he told me to have my Sunday freed and I did. I didn’t have any plans on Sunday to begin with so we ended up meeting we had dinner. It was nice seeing him. I actually found him more attractive in person than online for the end of the day. He told me that he had a really good time and that we should have a second date and the second date happened two days ago and it was great as well. We had our first kiss and then yesterday we went on our 3rd date because I was in the area. overall, he’s really nice to talk to. He has paid for all those 3 dates and has opened the car door for me every time and has been respectful. I am starting to catch feelings. He told me he likes me a lot but he is not in love with me yet. I am a little concerned because those three times that we have met. It’s been great but he doesn’t text me much which feels like he’s not as interested as I think he is. He did tell me that he’s not a good Texter and he prefers in person interactions. But I need consistency and he isn’t showing that on text. He texts me like twice a day and it’s throwing me off. I also have doubts cuz he is only 22 and I feel a lot of guys that age don’t have good intentions.
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Frankly, if any of my friends became offended because we don’t chat everyday or meet that often I’d start suspecting that he has some sort of a romantic interest in me. The whole point of friendship is that friends are there for each other in times of need but otherwise give each other space to have personal lives of their own. I’ve been close friends with someone for 31 years. We live on different continents and the last time we saw each other in person was in 2016. There was a period of 2 years that we didn’t speak at all, didn’t text. He was depressed and didn’t want to communicate with friends, so I respected his wish.
- Yesterday
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Yeah but he expected that he was more of a priority given that we chatted almost every day and it was a 8 year friendship. I tried to explain that for me it's not how many times you meet that defines the friendship or its value, I have changed and I simply meet people when it happens now, but he interpreted it as being uninterested and not caring about him.
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If you wanted to make him more of a priority in your life, you would have. But you had other things going on in your life, you were busy, and you don't even live in the same country. So he was not a priority in your life and that's totally fine, you weren't obligated and you don't owe him anything. It's fine for a person to be disappointed or a bit hurt if a friend doesn't put effort into a friendship. But the way he has been acting is totally over the top and emotionally unstable. There is no salvaging a friendship with someone once they start acting like that. It doesn't matter now that you didn't make more time for the friendship, that's in the past now. Once he decided to start acting crazy, guilt tripping you, making "accusations", there's no friendship left to salvage anymore. You should recognize that this is a toxic friendship that needs to be left in the past.
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ok, but don't you think I could have been more proactive in the last year of our friendship? He felt neglected. I was only trying to adapt to the duties of my life, not forgetting that we live in two different countries now, but he still felt that I didn't care about him as he did about me.
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Men: If you broke up with a girl but still had strong chemistry when you saw her again, why would you still choose not to continue seeing her?
basil67 replied to Shatteredcompletely's topic in Breaks and Breaking Up
Yes, it's another version of "It's not you, it's me" I've certainly used this more than once in my past. I found that if I give a real reason, they try to change my mind. -
An update on my situation(see old thread)
ExpatInItaly replied to mella89's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
Hopefully someday you will gain the objectivity needed to understand what a colossal waste of your time, energy and heart she is now. -
Female coworker, 59 y.o., married, Gemini sign...is she flirting or being friendly?
ExpatInItaly replied to Plutarh's topic in Business and Professional Relationships
It sounds like you both rub each other the wrong way. So be it. Just be professional, put your head down and get your work done. Then clock out and go home. -
Men: If you broke up with a girl but still had strong chemistry when you saw her again, why would you still choose not to continue seeing her?
flitzanu replied to Shatteredcompletely's topic in Breaks and Breaking Up
"He said he’s not ready for a relationship now and wants to focus on his career." this just means he doesn't want to date YOU. -
Men: If you broke up with a girl but still had strong chemistry when you saw her again, why would you still choose not to continue seeing her?
introverted1 replied to Shatteredcompletely's topic in Breaks and Breaking Up
Agree with all that's been written above. It also could be that he is somewhat commitment phobic (on top of any legitimate concerns about your divorce). The pattern of rushing in with intense emotions only to back off in increments when things start to get real is pretty common. In any case, are you really in a position to be considering moving in with someone new when you are not even divorced? Have you taken the time to assess your marriage, your role in its breakdown, what you need to work on for the future, etc.? The fact that you are a month away from being divorced but so focuses on a 2 month relationship suggests you have some introspecting to do. -
Female coworker, 59 y.o., married, Gemini sign...is she flirting or being friendly?
Sony12 replied to Plutarh's topic in Business and Professional Relationships
You don't have to like her. All you have to do is find a way to get a long with her for the eight hours a day (or however long you have to be around her on a daily basis during the work week). If she irritates you there is a good chance you irritate her as well. The moment you two clock out you can quickly go your separate ways and not have anything to do with one another until you come back to work the next day. But learning how to be around individuals that we normally wouldn't choose to spend much time around is part of being in the workforce. -
how do I break the ice better in a conversation?
FredEire replied to Mimiangi's topic in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy
What matters most Ive found is authenticity. Its not the standard advice but Ive had friends who would just go up to people and say the most wild whacked out stuff you could imagine and people loved them. Now thats not to say you should go up to people and say youre a big Jeffrey Dahmer fan and aspire to be just like him, but if you have any kind of social awareness you're not going to do that, obviously. But stuff that's a little bit more unusual actually engages people more, people are bored of hearing "terrible weather, huh?", "did you see the game at the weekend?", "do you come here often?" etc all day. So the challenge of an introvert is to basically speak you mind and say whatever you want to say if you feel like saying it, of course within reason. If she's also interested in the conversation, even if its coming a bit out of left field, it'll probably be a plus for you. -
Female coworker, 59 y.o., married, Gemini sign...is she flirting or being friendly?
Plutarh replied to Plutarh's topic in Business and Professional Relationships
I will not call it fixation. I talk and work with her daily more than 8 hours per day. You don't have how to ignore some habits, attitudes. If you stay in a room office for two with a person you start to see some traits of behaviour. Some of that habits do you like, other habits you don't like. What I can say for sure is the fact I don't like inconstant people who don't judge in a objective manner same situations. I don't like the people who say or think one opinion and when it come the time to act they are acting contrary. And for that I became dissapointed of a lot of people. Thank you all for your quality opinions and for your time. -
An update on my situation(see old thread)
mella89 replied to mella89's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
It is a long history, and also I am not the one with no faults,thats why I keep giving her excuses. She also has health issues and has said to me she went to an other country for that problem, so in a way i also feel sad and worried about her -
An update on my situation(see old thread)
ExpatInItaly replied to mella89's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
You really need to move on from her. This was almost surely never going to amount to anything of substance, and I would not give her the time of day now. It's not going to end well for you. -
I agree. Once someone goes accusatory, they view you as their adversary. If you manage to pacify them, that becomes a full-time job as their pit grows more and more bottomless.
