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Just let people know about the website, Carlston you dont need to be a member or visit the website, just do your own think sir, you're free

Hi there, can I ask what your cultural background is and your age? It may help people get a better insight into your situation. What sort of things happen in your family that upset you?

Does it really matter? I think once you reach that point where you decide you hate poverty more than you hate sin, and you're prepared to sacrifice certain things, and you make the decision to enter the sex industry, there's really no point differentiating between the different types of, (legal), porn in order to make yourself feel better about your choices. You clearly don't like that your partner is a sex worker, so you need to end it.

Yeah in all honesty anything with a full non-simulated oral sex scene is porn. I'm not familiar with the genre but it sounds like something designed for people who aren't comfortable with themselves watching straight up porn so they watch this kind of packaged version "for the story". I would not be comfortable with my partner doing this either. By the sounds of it there's really only one solution to this, because when that genie's out of the bottle it's very difficult to put back in. If you managed to talk her into quitting it would lead to resentment on her end, lingering suspicion on your end. If you gave in and let her go ahead and do it it would be you feeling the resentment. Either way nobody wins.

You can classify it as you like, but a video of non-simulated oral sex is porn. Hardcore porn, in fact. Licking nipples is softporn, perhaps. But any non-simulated sexual act performed for the camera is pornographic by definition. It doesn’t matter if the rest of the movie is dedicated to Schopenhauer’s philosophy or fine wines. Anyway, definitions don’t matter here. You were feeling uncomfortable already when she was doing scenes with full nudity, which might have not necessarily been pornographic. You should have set the boundaries or break up right there and then. It appears to me that you’re still trying to justify your wife’s behavior and downplay its content. You don’t need to. It’s not about the morality of what she’s been doing, it’s about you not being fine with it.

If it's so interesting why the need to spam forums to try to trick members into going there.

So it's porn. Right? Let's call a spade a spade here.

Thanks for the reply. I agree with all you said but I wouldn't classify what she does as porn, not even close in fact. I mean I focused on a few scenes here so it probably makes it sound bad but they are just once scene in a much longer movie where sometimes the rest of the movie has very little scenes of a sexual nature.

Neither you nor your wife are wrong here. She is right that what she’s been doing isn’t cheating, since you knew about that and agreed to that, reluctantly or not. And you are right in that you are fully entitled to feel very uncomfortable about what she’s been doing. Your mistake is that you didn’t make it clear to her from the beginning that her acting in erotic scenes was a dealbreaker to you. Don’t spend your time and energy on being outraged. She has made her choice, she wants to do porn, and that is more important to her than you or your marriage. I don’t say that by way of condemnation, I don’t think that what she is doing is unethical. But personally, I wouldn’t be okay with that, and clearly you aren’t okay with that either. It looks like breaking up with her might be the only option now. Unless, of course, you find some way to be sincerely okay with what she’s doing.

I feel like my relationship is falling apart. My wife (not actually married but together over 20 years) is starting to ask things that are, or should be, so far out of bounds it begs the question about what her motivation is. So to paint the picture my wife found acting was her passion in her mid 30’s. It started with community theater but she was good, really good, and quickly got recommended for better roles in bigger productions. She found her niche and it was in erotic thrillers and that’s what has lead to my concerns now. So we went through the times when she had to kiss other guys and women, I allowed that. Then there was full nudity. I wasn’t comfortable with that but she convinced me. Then it progressed further to having a scene with people licking her nipples. I said yes initially but really regretted it after. Now it’s on film forever. There’s been plenty of simulated sex scenes but I’m only concerned about the real stuff. Now she has been cast in a really substantial role. It’s a massive achievement. It’s going to pay over two years worth of wages for a 6-8 week shoot. But the kicker here is that there is an oral sex scene with two men where the director demands it’s not simulated. Of course I said no way. My wife went back to them and they compromised, if you can even call it that, and they will allow the finish over her breasts instead of face. It’s still a no way from me. I thought that would be it. Surely my feelings count. But I’m getting guilt tripped here. It’s the chance of a lifetime. Why would you stop me from being successful. It’s only acting. She begged me to at least think about it so I relented and said yes even though I knew I wouldn’t change my mind. Then I just happened to be speaking to one of the producers and they assured me there would be minimal people in the room but the biggest takeaway I took that blew me away was that depending on how it goes they might need to shoot the scene more than once. There is no other way to look at it now. They want my wife, and she wants to as well, have oral sex with two men to completion, not once, but maybe two, three, four times, who knows. And to her it’s not cheating, it’s acting. Sorry, I can’t see the difference. The latest I got from her was, “don’t make me do it without your permission”. What? Are you kidding me? We’ve been together 21 years and now it’s come down to letting my wife do this or walk away from our relationship and she’ll do it anyway. I don’t know how to save this and time is running out for her to back out of this role.

I'm 36f, have recently realised I have strong feelings for a female at work in her early 40's. She was in a role, not exactly superior to mine, but she was one of several people assessing me as part of further studies I was doing this year. Both of us were neutral and professional during this time. Now that has ended and I've realised that I really enjoy spending 1:1 time with her, we have similar values. Both of us are looking for other jobs, which would reduce the work issues. It is complicated, as she has a daughter, which I'm happy to have in my life, but would need to go slow and be respectful of her. I'm also doing ivf as a solo parent, (she had her child the same way), and she has indicated support towards this. We recently had a dinner with other coworkers but it was very casual, and I slipped into the conversation that I dated women and was single. She went quiet, then said (to the group) that her daughter wanted her to get married and give her a sibling, and the best way to do this would be with a younger woman who could have children. This seemed specific to me, but I might be overthinking. Sometimes she is very complimentary and close to me, blowing kisses hello at dinner, then she almost catches herself and becomes more distant, professional and shy. For context, I have never had a long term relationship with a woman, but am wanting something serious at this point in my life. I feel she can't make a move (if she does have feelings) because of work, the age gap, previous hierarchy. I'm scared to do anything in case I've imagined the whole thing, and I also would never want to cause her harm. I have texted her in the past, and she responds, but just briefly. She doesn't initiate text yet. Otherwise it's work email or at work in person is how we communicate. Am I imagining things? Do I just have to wait? Thank you.

Hi, yes i had a look at the website, ana i have to say its quite interesting, i created an account with a subscription and now I am collecting points for the rewards

I agree. The rest is just him throwing around random issues because he doesn't know what else to tell you, OP. He wasn't feeling it, and as much as that can hurt to hear, it's best to leave it there and not keep pressing for reasons. Sometimes we just don't feel the right interest in someone to continue dating.

People who have low standards and no self-respect. They also might be co-dependent.

Firstly I would consider that this might be some kind of scam. But if it's not a scam, if it was true that I had a husband who was capable of doing something so creepy, so violating, then I would be planning my exit from this marriage. I don't believe there is any forgiving this.

Fair enough! I think the point still stands though that maybe slightly silly example of rigid requirements aside, you're allowed to like what you like. OP said he prefers to date slightly younger women as generally finds them more attractive and that was seen as selfish. If a girl came on and said she prefers to date younger guys/taller guys/guys of a certain ethnic background etc nobody would really bat an eyelid. Yes that will limit your dating pool a bit but if you have a type or just aren't attracted to certain other types that's fine, nothing you can really do about it.

Oh no, I didn’t mean that a guy in his 40s can’t or shouldn’t date younger women. I also don’t think that it has much to do with looks. After all, I’m 50, I’m dating a 32 year old woman, and I definitely don’t look gorgeous What I meant was that having such strict age-based or visual requirements for a serious relationship isn’t a smart move, not because the hypothetical 40 year old guy won’t be able to attract and sleep with enough young redheads, but because shallow requirements invariably lead to shallow relationships.

Well, it depends. Most of us men by 40 don't still have all of our hair, what we do have is going grey, we have deeper wrinkles, if we're not on a strict fitness regime we may be a bit chubbier since our metabolism has slowed down, etc. But I have met guys in their 40s who are still gorgeous and get attention from younger women, and theres no sign of their looks fading until much later. So if they pretty much have their pick of who to date, I don't see the problem with narrowing your focus as within that group of people you visually/sexually prefer, there are going to be some who are compatible as well. Now if said guy looks and acts like Homer Simpson sure, I'd say he is being pretty thick and not very realistic but I still think that's his right as long as he's not b****ing and moaning if he has no success.

This is an example of the old, obsolete psychology of patriarchal relationships, when the main goal in life, especially for women, was considered having and keeping a spouse at all costs. Your friend clearly values keeping her husband physically at the expense of her personal happiness, self-respect, and freedom. That’s why she’ll chase him when needed and won’t see that as humiliating. This mentality still surfaces today occasionally, especially in backward societies. I’ve heard women from a certain non-Western country where I grew up say too many times how they resort to all sorts of tricks and manipulations to “keep” their husbands should they become disinterested. They even forgive their incessant cheating as long as they provide and come home at night, and sometimes have affairs themselves. Ultimately, this stems from objectification of people and a materialistic approach to life. When people believe that the goal of life is to have things, then spouses also become those things, just very valuable ones. Happiness, freedom, and meaningful connections are sacrificed to getting and keeping objects.

Well, if a close friend of mine said that, I’d bluntly tell him, “Don’t be an idiot”. The desire to only date redheads between 25-35 when you’re 40 isn’t morally reprehensible, it’s just dumb, because it highlights superficial compatibilities at the expense of deeper, more important ones, hence greatly lowering the chances of finding a suitable partner. The keyword here, of course, is only. As in, if the woman isn’t a 25-35 year old redhead, it’s a dealbreaker. There is nothing wrong with simply preferring a certain age and a visual characteristic.

Hi, I don't know how make this, I am new and my english is bad. Lately I've been feeling tired, frustrated by stupid things, and sometimes my own family irritates me. Let's just say they're not the best family in the world, but they're not bad either. I love them, but they often irritate me. Hearing my parents complain about anything just gets on my nerves. I also have an addiction, not too serious, but when everything else falls apart, I turn to it. I have several friends, and that makes me happy because I genuinely laugh with them, and I'm grateful they're my friends. I also feel like I've lost friends I thought would be my lifelong friends. Things with my girlfriend aren't going well; we haven't seen each other in a month and a week. What the hell is that? I know she loves me, but she's very much a homebody because of her parents, and I'd like to see her, but there are always obstacles. I feel like she doesn't make the effort she should to at least see me once a week, and our relationship feels very distant compared to the years we were together (we've been dating for almost four years). I don't know if this is the right forum to post this. I haven't told anyone how I feel, not a single person. I don't even know if people will make fun of me or something like that XD. Thanks if you read it all.

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Hi! I've always been curious about this, partly because I like to understand how relationships work, and partly to see what other people do wrong and see if I can learn something. In short, this female friend of mine is always complaining about how her current husband, with whom she has two children, doesn't commit. I can mention a few things: 1) Before their second child, she was desperate because they were planning to have it, but he didn't seem very happy. Then she managed to get pregnant, and after the baby was born, everyone was happy and content, and he would always jokingly repeat to her, "Well, you know, Mommy loved you so much," or "You wanted this baby so much," and laugh, or he would jokingly say to the little boy, "Daddy didn't want you, but here you are." 2) She wants him to make plans for them, like scheduling vacations, going out, and many other things, but in the end, it's always her doing that gets things done. Like their marriage, she was waiting the proposal but at the end He never did it, and was Her doing so. Everything, from children to marriage, was always something she came up with, and he slowly accepted her requests, to keep her on tenterhooks. And this friend of mine was always complaining that something was wrong, and then when she got it, they were happily ever after. The cycle repeats for every stage of a couple's life. Basically, what didn't convince me was knowing that when she was planning on having their second child, she posted on social media that their relationship was ending, precisely because she felt "insecure" about her relationship with her current husband, and she pretended to be "interested" or "flirting" with other men, just to see his reaction. I've never understood why she didn't simply break away from this man, rather than having to demand his attention. What drives people to behave this way? From what little I can gather, this person has already been damaged by this man's behavior. Furthermore, she has low self-esteem, which prevents her from loving herself. In fact, I've seen her at times in her life search for strength within herself, but in the end she gives in, perhaps because he provides a lifestyle, or she simply remembers that she has to "cage" him somehow to allow him to provide for the children. I truly believe that ultimately, for these types of people, there are two solutions: The first is to simply stay in their current situation; the second is to understand what they're going through and realize that the person they're with isn't healthy. Once they've experienced being with someone who loves them and creates a safe place for them, they can never go back. Have you experienced this too?