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OP, the way you describe the back and forth between you makes it seem like you have to be in this relationship. But you don't. So why on earth are you still there? Don't you value your time and your peace of mind? Don't you love yourself? What exactly is it about you and your life that is making you stay in a non-relationship? Nothing that this man has told you would convince an ordinary person that they had to continue in a train wreck of a relationship. So what's the real reason for your continued stay there?

Why did you pass the buck and make it her responsibility to do so? You knew the score for a long time. No, she shouldn't have kept you around for attention when she knew you had feelings. But ulimately, it was up to you to free yourself. You were not helpless there, man. Because she sounds like not a very nice person with a lot of main-character energy. She fancies herself some great object of desire. Keep in mind you don't know how much of her tales was actually true, or if she exaggerated for effect to keep spinning the narrative that she is just so irresistible to men. Either way, it's the sign of emotional immaturity and should have been your cue to stay away from this person.

Does this woman not have a home of her own? Why is she keeping a suitcase at your place and bouncing around among different men? You really need to re-evaluate how you define friendship, and also your boundaries for the people you let into your life. When someone shows you very clearly that they are a trainwreck, you need to close the door and stop letting that train park in your stattion. How did you befriend this woman in the first place?

This doesn't sound like it's ever been much of a relationship. He doesnt't make space in his life for you. While I have no doubt he is worried about his daughter, it also seems to me that he uses that as an excuse to keep you at arm's length because he doesn't want to get any closer to you. Break up and stay broken up. It's obviously never really worked and it's clearly not going to. Why have you stuck around for so long in this quasi-relationship? I can't imagine tolerating this nonsense for so long. You need to get honest with youself about why you have, or you will likely find yourself in some other non-relationship in the future.

I would tell her that if she doesn't take her belongings within 7 days, it will be disposed of. And follow through. You seriously need to cut off this friendship. She sounds like a loser.

Your mental health is not in a stable enough place for you to attempt dating right now. You really need some more intensive mental health care and a proper diagnosis of what's going on with you. You haven't had the right therapists. I would also suggest seeing a psychiatrist.

It's kind of unbelievable to me that you have stayed with him this long. This relationship is completely dead.... it doesn't even sound like it has any redeeming qualities. Is this even really a question? He makes it as clear as can be that you are not a priority to him at all. He doesn't even seem to act like he cares about you. Why on earth would you waste any more time with this guy.

Lol oh no nothing like nursing homes. What it generally ends up being are women who are still in relatively good shape on the surface who still want to live active lifestyles. They are becoming interested in younger men because the men their own age are starting to have E.D. issues and no longer really want to be as active as she wants to be any longer. Oral sex is probably the most common sex act outside of actual intercourse so I'm not sure people who are into fetishes would really consider it one. In my experience older woman/younger man encounters are often about the woman treating the guy like a sex object.

This is an excellent analogy. Indeed, a lot of people say they want a marathon, but end up doing a 100 meters and then get very surprised to discover that the race is over. I came to this forum a couple of years ago because I came close to crashing a great relationship by constantly pushing my partner to do things she wasn’t ready to do yet, such as planning a lot of events and trips, moving together, talking about marriage, etc. Luckily, thanks to the wise advices I’ve got here, I was somehow able to slow down and stabilize things, but the negative impact of my initial mad sprint can still be felt.

He’s definitely being flirty with you and is giving you a lot of compliments. I hope you understand that such behavior doesn’t necessarily mean that he genuinely likes you. A lot of people flirt simply because they are wired that way. The only way to know for sure if this guy is romantically interested is to ask him out on a date, and then take it from there if he accepts. If I were you, however, I’d be more concerned about developing massive crushes on complete strangers. Unless your expression is a hyperbole and you simply mean that you find the guy attractive, of course.

I guess it depends on the age gap, a few years may not qualify, but if you're scouting nursing homes looking for action I think that's definitely a fetish.

Well said. Having feelings for someone, and wondering if the other person feels the same way, is about as normal a part of dating as you can get. However if one person doesn't supplement those feelings with a dose of grounded reality, they race way ahead of where the other is and suddenly the attraction dies, especially if said other person has a little bit of emotional baggage, which most people do over the age of 25. It can be both people as well, I don't know how many people I've seen post on here who basically speedran a lifelong love story in 3 weeks. They were all over eachother spending every day at eachothers places and were talking about marriage, then one of them comes on here heartbroken that this person suddenly withdrew without warning. Basically if a runner goes at their max pace or close to it straight from the start, they're either going to pull a muscle, fall over or run into someone or have all manner of other issues, but nothing very good is going to come from it. That's why they start off slower even if they're having a good race, and then speed up near the end when the situation merits it.

I have a massive crush on a guy that works at the grocery store I shop at every week. He initiated our first conversation a few months ago and ever since then we’ve had a friendly/semi flirty banter going on. He’s stocks the snacks and a couple weeks ago I asked him to help me pick out some “emotional support donuts.” (The story behind the emotional support donuts is unrelated so I’m not going to go into that.) He picked out a specific flavor so I got them and said something like “I’ll be back next week for more,” and he responded with “I’m excited!” We said our goodbyes and that was that. The following week when I saw him, I asked him if he would be my Official Emotional Support Dessert Person and he said “Sweet!” I asked him if that was a “yes” and he said “yes,” and then gave me his pick for the week, going into detail about why I would like them. He also pointed out a couple of others he thought I might like. I chose the ones I wanted and as I was walking away I said “I’ll be back next week,” or something on that order. His response was “Any time you need emotional support, hit me up.” And here is where I’m confused. What the hell did he mean by that? Because he didn’t specifically say “dessert” which is what our banter was about, he just said “emotional support.” I only see him once a week at the store so was he saying I should come by more often? Was he hoping I’d ask for his number? I am super confused. Also, his “I’m excited” comment from the week before confused the hell out of me. Also, in our last interaction, he told me he baked the snack cakes he chose for me himself (he didn’t, they’re prepackaged) and that they were “filled with love.” ?????? He has told me I am “flawless” in the past as well as indicated that he thinks I have a nice figure. He’s also mentioned that he likes my dimples. I’m sure he sees 100s of woman a week and obviously I have no way of knowing how he is around others since I only see him once a week. I am very socially awkward and I am terrible at misreading signals. I honestly have no clue if this guy is just being friendly or if he’s trying to subtly let me know he’s interested. PLEASE HELP!

Of course you are. But having strong feelings and planning big events with a person who isn’t yet committed to you and with whom you haven’t been intimate yet are two very different things. Remember that feelings must be mutual in order for any relationship to work. And that both partners must be on the same page regarding anything they do together. The reason why you’re getting these advices here, which you appear to dislike, is because people here honestly tell you how they would feel if they were in that girl’s shoes. For example, I’d feel awkward if a girl who isn’t my girlfriend and with whom I haven’t even slept yet would make far-reaching plans with me regarding her birthday. And I’d probably refuse if she suggested a big trip together at that point.

Well, personally, I would walk away from a partner exhibiting such a jealous, controlling behavior. Asking you to handle your private conversations in a way that suits her is a bit of an outrageous demand. Nobody is entitled to monitor their partner’s interactions with other people like that. Has your wife ever acted like that before? Or is this controlling behavior a new thing?

Because she enjoyed the attention and the fact that you willingly agreed to become her convenient backup plan. You were never unfree to begin with. You could have, and should have, walked away from her the moment she made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t romantically interested in you. Instead, you chose to stay, hoping to get some leftovers from her romantic life. She never gave you hope. You did. Possibly out of curiosity, to see how far you were willing to go humiliating yourself. And again you chose to stay around even after she had told you that. Because you disrespected yourself by continuing to orbit a person who wasn’t interested in you instead of walking away. Lack of self-respect is always very damaging. Try to understand what made you feel and act in such a way,, perhaps with the help of a good therapist.

You haven’t even had sex with each other, what “honeymoon phase” can you be possibly talking about? I’m afraid it’s the other way around, you haven’t got comfortable enough with each other yet. I’m afraid you’ve got it completely backwards. It’s becoming a boyfriend and a girlfriend first, then asking the girlfriend to participate in all those events, not the other way around. Even after you’ve become fully intimate with each other and decided to start a real relationship, you shouldn’t overload her with grand plans and let things proceed naturally.

We can't tell you why she did it. Heck, she may not know either. The healing will come when you answer questions about your own decisions here and learn from this. You knew she didn't love you. You knew she was stringing you along. You kept meeting her even though she hurt you by seeing other men. Find the part of you which was so damaged that you chose to go along with all of this and start healing by planning how you'd manage a situation like this in the future

I only had to read the first couple of lines of your post. If you're in a situation where you keep breaking up and getting back together, it's time to end it for good painful as it might be. You go on to list a number of other good reasons why youre not suitable for eachother. There doesn't seem to be anything really that could make this relationship a healthy one.

I need help understanding a situation that has deeply affected every part of my life. I got close to a girl who made me feel special in the beginning. She opened up to me, showed interest, and made me believe there was a real chance for something meaningful. I developed strong feelings with real attachment, real love and I was always honest that I wanted a serious relationship. But our feelings were never matched. I loved her, but she didn’t love me back. Even though she knew from the start that I wasn’t “the one” for her, she never let me go. Instead, she kept me hanging with small doses of hope, telling me things like “maybe one day” or “if I reopen the door, you might be an option.” She kept me emotionally hooked even though she already knew she would never choose me. Throughout all this, she would often tell me about other men who wanted to date her, proudly saying that she pushed them away. Every time, I felt jealous and hurt because I had feelings for her, but she acted like we were “just friends,” as if none of this should affect me. I kept swallowing that pain, ignoring it, pretending I was okay. Then her current boyfriend entered the picture. At first, she acted like she wasn’t truly interested in him. She said she was pressured by her family, that she had no choice, that she didn’t want to look bad because of her age and family expectations about marriage. She tried to make it look like the whole relationship was forced on her. But I could clearly see that she did like him. She was into him, just hiding it so that I wouldn’t get hurt, and so she wouldn’t lose me as emotional support. This put me in an impossible position: loving someone who wanted to keep me close emotionally while building a relationship with someone else. I gave her my time, my energy, my money, my focus, i mean, everything!!!. My sports season deteriorated, my performance at work suffered, my friendships disappeared. I wasn’t myself anymore. Eventually, I reached a breaking point. I snapped. I laid everything out to her. All my feelings, all the pain, all the truth and then I blocked her to protect myself. I think it shocked her because she’s usually the one who walks away or blocks people, not the other way around. But I had no choice. Now I am trying to understand: – Why did she keep me close when she knew she would never choose me? – Why give me hope instead of freeing me? – Why continue sharing details about other men, knowing it would hurt me? – And why did this situation damage my life so deeply? I’m looking for an objective perspective on what really happened, and how I can heal and move forward from all of this.

There is a pattern with my current partner where I can't seem to communicate or get him to listen /talk about our relationship or our future and we breakup and get back together. For me this is the largest underlying issue since when we first got together he was throwing around ideas of a future together. I want to know we are building for a future. He has a 19 year old daughter with a lot of issues with drugs, lying, manipulation etc. Her and I get along fine, however it is 100% of his focus and I feel like I am alone most of the time and on the sidelines. Before we met and got close, he told me that he was amicable with her mom and things were good, but it has been nothing but drama. I don't have kids and I don't know how common any of this is, but he is so preoccupied by his daughters issues, he would even check her gps location constantly on our first dates. He just doesn't seem to have much room for a relationship. For the first year I would only see him every 6 weeks since he spent his time off with her and I wasn't allowed over at his place since he didn't want to upset her. We lived a few hours apart, so it wasn't that easy. Her issues have completely taken over to the point where I have spent all holidays, birthdays alone, and all of the important things in my life I have dealt with on my own. He just says "you don't have kids or you'd understand". I do know he is very worried about her and he has good reason to be, however he enables her a lot as well. I suggested counselling numerous times but apparently he doesn't believe in it. I just see some poor parenting and it makes me think it might make him a bad long term partner and then I get cold feet. Because of the distance between us, I am feeling like it's confusing to me as well since the times we are together are so good but I am not seeing the full reality. I broke up with him because I didn't want to waste time after he then said marriage was not for him and then he said after the fight "I was going to do everything for you, I would marry my person etc", so I kind of clung onto that and tried to patch things up. He blamed me for the breakup and said I broke the trust in the relationship. He then used this every time I would try to talk about anything. This cycle continues to repeat where I feel like I am not much of a part of his life and I think well if we are committed and there is a future then it's worth it, but we will have a falling out because more plans are cancelled and he can't talk about how a future might look and I get cold feet because I feel nothing will get better and I break up with him and then I miss him and get back together. He told me that he wasn't sure if he loved me after the first breakup and he hasn't done anything to reassure me after this, so I think I am standing up for myself and break it off and then he says it's my fault we have these issues since I am creating an unstable relationship. I really wanted him to come to see me since my mom is dying and we were rushed to the hospital. I was really depressed I told him but he said he cannot since he wants to keep an eye on his daughter right now. She does have a mom and step dad as well and I felt that he should make me a priority for once. I told him that I wouldn't forgive him this time if he wasn't there for me and he said that he could not be because he was going to have a dinner where he was inviting his daughters friends parents over to talk her out of dating a guy he doesn't think is good for her. It's just that these issues are ongoing and there seems to be no room for me, but even worse no consideration about how it makes me feel. Her issues are daily and I don't want to be insensitive but shouldn't there be some balance? I live near where he works and he was staying over when he would come into town for work, but it just feels like I am being taken advantage of at this point. I am not sure what to do or if I am being unrealistic because I don't have children. He says I am the toxic one because I have a pattern and I keep ending it and coming back, but what other option do I have if someone refuses to even talk about meeting my needs? Is it me that is causing the instability like he says? I feel like it is a carrot on a string.

I have honestly found the more popular and well known sites are generally a better route to take then those more obscure sites that are tailored to a specific interest. Fetish sites like that have hardly anyone on them and fake profiles are far more widespread there. And I'm not sure women who enjoy giving oral to good looking younger men and younger men who enjoy having older women do that to them is technically a fetish. Is it?

Hi everyone, I would really like some outsider opinions on something me (30m) and my wife (28f) are currently dealing with? So here's the thing: My wife and I have been together for 10 years and have been married for the last 2 of those. About a month ago, I transferred to a branch of the company I work for closer to my home. Before this I worked at a branch further away. I've worked there for almost 3 years. Me and a some other coworkers around my age became friends in this period. Me and one of the female coworkers also started chatting on whatsapp. It has been a continuous conversation for a while now. It's not daily though. A lot of times it's 3 or 4 days in between messages. The way we talk is we just respond to each others individual messages. Although we talk, this conversation is completely friendly. It's just mostly about (or our mutual resentment for) our employer and just talking about the weekend and series/movies sorta stuff. She also started in a new position, so I'm asking how that is going for her. Northing flirty going on. Lately my wife has been saying that she doesn't like that we have this continuous conversation and it makes her feel bad. She finds it weird that we talk this way, because she and I don't talk like this to other people. I've told her that it really depends on the person you're talking to, but this doesn't satisfy her. Now she is saying things like: "so if I start talking to some random guy, you would be okay with it". I've told her this is not a fair comparison, because I've known this coworker for almost three years now. It's not some random woman from the street. I've also asked if she wanted to see the messages too see that there is nothing weird going on there. She doesn't want that. She says it's okay for me to talk to her, but she wants me too talk to her less, or at least don't have this continuous conversation. She asks me why I feel "the urge to have this continuous conversation, instead of making sure she feels comfortable." I'm a bit at a loss as of what to do in this situation. I feel a bit backed into a corner that I cannot get out of. On one end I ofcourse want my wife to don't feel bad about this, but I also don't want to seem like an uninterested friend that just doesn't respond to things anymore to make the conversation end faster. I'm really just looking for anyone's honest opinion on this situation. What would any of you do? Thanks for reading

No I didn't and looking back on it I should have. In the beginning we just agreed to do something together outside of the office (it just so happened that that ended up involving sex).It wasn't until we had had sex about four times that she seemed to start getting upset about it.

If it were me, I would sign up for different sites, message a bunch of people (copy paste) and see what sticks.