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I think any time it takes multiple paragraphs to describe interactions, odds are there is no romantic interest. I don't say that to be flippant. Interested people act interested. People who give go/stop signals are typically not interested.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

While it sounds like you two enjoy chatting together it doesn't sound like your schedules are very compatible and neither one of you seem like you are willing to go out if your way to set something up. Setting up a first date or meet shouldn't be difficult if both parties are truly interested in making it happen. If it is challenging that is often a sign that it isn't meant to be at least right now. Maybe sometime down the road it might be feasible but not currently.

How long ago are we talking about?

The young woman did nothing inappropriate so far. It was your husband who kept grinning, staring at her, and telling too many jokes. If there is a problem here, it’s with your husband, not with her. Blocking her would only make sense if she were constantly sending him suggestive messages. If you think your husband might be sexually attracted to her, blocking won’t solve anything.

First of all, there were no “signs” when you first talked. She enjoyed a friendly conversation with you. There was nothing wrong in asking her out for coffee afterwards, but I don’t know what exactly you expected. Second, you said no to Thursday and she said no to Saturday. I don’t see what the problem is. You were busy on one day, she was busy on another day. No conclusions can be possibly made based on this information. Just reschedule the coffee meeting for another day.

And yet, even though all of us tell you “it is time to walk away”, you decide to continue this affair. It sounds like you aren’t looking for advice. You’re looking for someone to put your conscience at ease by saying what you’re doing is okay.

I'm unpaid and just do this in a bit of my spare time. I stick around because I'd feel sad if the site fell into complete disrepair. Closed threads don't bother me, though I'm not sure why they were designed to close after a period of being unused.

Until the next football player asks her out.

The word that you are looking for is not risky, although that is also true. The word that best describes this decision is “disrespectful.” To her chosen life partner. Problem solved, I guess.

I suppose, ignorance is bliss… at least, for you.

Sounds like she ditched him for an interest in someone else, and that didn't work out. Now she's bored and lonely and wants to use your son for entertainment until her next crush on someone else. Pretty typical of 17-year-olds.

Thank you for being so straightforward, stillafool. I truly appreciate the way you broke this down. Especially your point about her being confused and needing time to decide what and who she truly wants. You’ve captured her current state perfectly. I don’t believe she ever intended to live this double life forever; she is simply lost in her own hesitation and guilt. Your point about 'defiling the bed' is also the main reason I’ve decided to move into a condo nearby. I couldn't keep living in that shadow anymore. To your point about not being able to imagine doing this to a man you loved... I know you can't. And as for your warning to be careful—I will be. Thank you again for your honesty.

Hey everyone, I'd love to know your opinion on my situation. I feel like I'm in sort of a gray area but I could just be looking too far into this. So over the past few weeks, this woman has been coming into my job while babysitting. She started initiating conversation with me at first about personal-ish stuff (how tired she feels, cutting out chai, late night snacks, etc) but one day we had a really strong interaction where we talked for about 30 minutes and laughed, swapped stories about kids being brutal (getting told “F you” by one kid, etc.), introduced ourselves, and she even asked me questions like “are you local?” and she mentioned she was raised in the UK, which was a cool coincidence for me. The conversation was so good she completely forgot about her babysitting duties, I had to remind her of it. She even came back to continue the conversation after briefly leaving to tend to the kids, which felt like a legit sign she enjoyed talking to me and was maybe sort of into me. The kids basically walked up to her by the end of the conversation to get her attention. After this exchange, I was feeling confident that I wasn't misreading the signs so on Tuesday I finally asked her if she’d like to grab coffee sometime. She said “yes sure" but had a poker face on the entire time. I didnt really detect a whole lot of enthusiasm. I then gave her my number on a piece of paper. Because of her poker face I had assumed she might not have been interested or something, but she actually wound up texting me about an hour later saying: “hey it’s _____” That day we texted a bit about pets and comfort shows for about an hour before the conversation just sort of... stopped. It felt like I was carrying the conversation basically, since she didnt really ask me anything about myself. During this chat she said she’s comfortable doing coffee but wasn’t sure if she’d be free Thursday but said she'd more than likely have time during the weekend or maybe next week. So I texted again the next day to tell her that Thursday wouldn't work for me & suggested Saturday or Monday. However she said those days didn’t work for her, but Monday “might be feasible.” Then after about 15 or so minutes she ended the convo kind of abruptly with “my dog is insistent I continue to play fetch with him”. It was a good conversation before she had to go, she actually had a tad bit more to contribute this time around. At one point she said she’d “save the other stories for coffee,” which to me sounded like she was still open to it. The issue is the planning side. When I tried to narrow down days, it stayed vague. She said the weekend/next week was pretty open, but then Saturday didn’t work, and Monday was only a maybe. It was more “I’ll let you know” than anything concrete. She’s a substitute teacher and babysits a few days a week, so I know her schedule can genuinely be inconsistent. But at the same time, she is off for spring break next week, so it does feel sort of like if she really wanted to make it happen, she’d make it a little easier. I haven't heard from her since Wednesday and am having doubts I'll hear anything anytime soon I don’t want to chase or keep sending messages, and I also don’t want to create awkwardness since this started at my workplace. So I would really love to know everyone's feedback on what they make of her demeanor? Does she seem uninterested or am I just overthinking everything? What is the best move here? I'm thinking I should probably stop texting completely until she reaches out to me herself to offer a day/time. And if she doesn't reach out, then I have my answer, unfortunately.

Maybe your emotions are all over the place, but your thinking seems fine to me. You gave succinct, articulate reasons why you feel he's being disingenuous and manipulative. Just listen to them. Your suspicions are more credible and powerful than the relationship positives, I'm afraid—evidently for him as well. Go with tho doubts and misgivings and call bullsh-t on the gaslighting. You can fill in the details later - and grieve - but don't waste another 90 days of your life trying to understand or, worse, hoping he'll come back around. Whether it's about the sex or the woman, it's neither meaningless nor a mistake to him. He said and showed you this in so many ways. That's still young! You have lots of time for love and so much more. You're worth it You seem to like this idea. You've already done it ("change country") at least once. If he was the main or only, reason it was working as well as it did, how much harder will it be if he's no longer a reason? Having done this very thing more than once myself, I see it as perfectly reasonable. If making such a change would improve other aspects of your life as well, then why not? It would give you more to think about than his disloyalty and duplicity. Yep, that says it all.

To be honest, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t find it merciful at all. Because if I were in his position, I wouldn't even know it was happening."

"That's why I asked you guys 'Should I keep going, or is it time to walk away?' in the first place.

Yes, you are right, but it is too late for that, isn't it?

I have spent the last week thinking about your warning. Thank you for your concern about our safety. You were right that staying in their house is too risky. There are many variables like surprise visits or forgotten documents that I didn't think about before. I talked to her about this, and we both agree it is too dangerous. Your words really pushed us to find a safer way. So, I have already signed a contract for a condo only 300 meters away. Starting next month, she will come to stay with me in my private space instead of staying in their house. Thank you for the reality check.

Yesterday I saw that my husband (DH) received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really... This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer. As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often. When DH was in the office, I used to suspect he was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and DH always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying. He used to stare at her like a creep and then grin like a Cheshire cat, or sometimes tell ridiculous stories or jokes to make her laugh. I had words with him about this, especially the staring, which I said could be interpreted as creepy, and he did later tone this down. I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this.

Nothing to add, just here to say I'm sorry this is happening. As a parent, one of the hardest things is watching your child hurt and knowing you are powerless to do anything about it.

MM - good posts. I do appreciate you concretely offering an opinion wrt the affair(s) themselves. I've pretty much come around to fully believing they took place. Without a doubt, the 2nd one when I was away for almost 2 years, and very likely the girls' trip 4-day cruise and extra hotel day. But as you said, at this point, certainty or strong suspicion, it doesn't matter. What matters is how I feel now. Re therapy, I, and we, have done that, albeit about my EA, the hotwife/cuckold fantasy, and last year, my "anger" issues. But yes, not about "this," i.e. my ambivalence about her affairs. However, I don't see a counselor coming up with anything more than I have myself, or what you and others have said here. In the end, you either live with this knowledge and let it go (as I have), or you confront her and demand answers, or at least discussion. Well, as I've said, I KNOW that wouldn't go well. First, she's already denied it emphatically (never really pushed or asked about the cruise A, honestly), so why would she suddenly say otherwise? She wouldn't. Second, she'd flip out about resurrecting a "non-issue," turning it around to accuse me of seeking to end our marriage. Third, there's abundant evidence women just will not admit to infidelity unless you have emphatic, overwhelming evidence, and I don't. So it gets us nowhere, and just rips a scab off our buried past. So in the end, yes, my wife took advantage of my fantasy of her and other men - maybe used that in her own mind to rationalize/justify her sexual dalliances - but she didn't have the confidence, understanding, or emotional maturity to admit these to me. She likely thought either, at best it would taint my opinion of her, or at worse, I'd leave her over her infidelity. Again, a strange belief or conclusion, given that I brought it up, I encouraged her, and I even admitted it turned me on (the cuckold aspect). Nope, her own insecurities overroad that (possibly because she didn't fully accept my fantasy as real?). My advice to myself? You're entering your late 60s. Get on with it. She did what she did and she isn't admitting it or answering for it. Life is good. Enjoy it.

Two topics in one: When you guys describe an issue, the age is important. TOPIC (2): For many women, I believe most, Post-Menopause is a no sex zone. My limited experience indicates this happens approximately from 45 to 60, with many occurring in their 50s. My MAIN question is if both husband and wife know there's not going to be anymore sex, even though it's usually not a topic that's willing to be discussed, even though it's the Wife's lack of desire, not the husband's lack of desire, what exactly do Wives' expect Husband's to do to truly satisfy that dopamine release?

I don’t need to reopen my old threads. I was just pointing out that people will lose interest in inactive threads and go away. The site will slowly shut down, one forum at.a time. Maybe this is the plan. Why do you stick around? Do you get paid by this disappeared owner?

They are 17 years old. Their romantic interests will fluctuate week to week or even day by day. It's just something they have to go through.