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Thank you for the helpful feedback. I think I know what I have to do. I’m just dreading it cause I know it’s going to devastate her, not to mention myself, 3 years is a long time and we’ve shared a lot of memories together

I have spoken to her on multiple times in the past. She told me she doesn't go out to pubs or clubbing not her thing. She prefers an early night and day socialising.

At first I thought he may have just reported her profile on Tinder. But it actually sounds like he went to a completely different site and publicly released personal info about her. And who knows who would come across that info. The OP definitely has no business talking to people over social media if he is going to be doing stuff like that.

Was it really that different before marriage? How long has this been going on? I am sure you can understand why this won't help in bridging the emotional gap between you two. He is unlikely to want to be more affetionate when you are shutting down and effectively shutting him out. Has he asked what is going on? What sort of conversations have you two had since you started pulling away? Be careful here. This can be a very slippery slope towards crossing a line. I think you need to really ask yourself if you want to stay in this marriage. It would be understandable if you don't, since it doesn't sound like a good match, but you won't be able to carry on like this.

I have to ask, if you rarely run into her, how do you know all these things about her?

No, you most definitely did not. You made a careless, reckless move and you should know a lot better at your age. Most other guys won't need to be warned because they'd have recognized the red flags before even meeting her. It's nobody's problem but yours that you didn't. It is not up to you to share her location and phone number with antyone else. I would advise you don't participate in online dating because you don't seem prepared for it or able to manage it like an adult.

A really old person once said to me, "if someone proposes to you and you have to think about the answer, then the answer is no", and it's true - every person, (nearly always men), who've told me they didn't really want to get married but felt pressured to do it have ended up in a miserable marriage or a bitter divorce. Maybe the kindest way you can break up with someone is to say you're scared of the big commitment at this point in your life and you don't think you can give it 100%. If it's your partner driving the conversation about marriage and babies you do need to brace yourself and speak up, because if you don't before you know it you'll find yourself in a marriage that you never really wanted - it happens to people all the time .

Ok thanks for the input. I really do care for her and she’s one of the nicest people I know so I’d like to do it in a delicate way.

You just have to be really direct and honest with her, get to the point and don't drag it out.

Thats kind of what my gut has been feeling. How do I go about breaking up with her? I’ve never had to do this before

It's almost like he was the one who was overly attached.

That’s pretty messed up, man. You didn’t “fall victim” to her. She didn’t scam you, in fact she didn’t commit any crime against you at all. Yes, she acted like a psycho, so stop dating her and block her. You can’t just share her information like that and engage in some sort of a moral crusade against her simply because you had an unhinged dating experience. I think you should stay off online dating for now. Maybe find a good therapist to help you figure out why you were able to go from believing she loved you to wanting revenge against her.

I agree with those people. If you feel that you aren’t completely in love with your girlfriend, break up with her. Staying with a partner you aren’t in love with will only make both partners miserable in the long run.

The question here is not whether you’re good or bad at “this marriage thing”. The question is, if you wanted romantic and affectionate love, why did you choose to marry someone who wasn’t romantic or affectionate? People have very different concepts about what love is. Yours and your husband’s are apparently completely different. I’m not sure why you thought you could change a person into something you want them to be if they weren’t that to begin with. You can’t change him. If your relationship is making you so miserable, you should walk away.

Really really in need of some friendly advice/someone to talk to. Feeling really stressed and making myself ill with worry lately. I am female 41, and have been married to my husband 44 for 2 and a half years now, together for nearly 9 years. for a while I’ve been feeling lonely in my marriage- my husband is a good man he works hard and is never bad or mean to me, he’s funny and friendly and an all round good guy. However he is a joker in a big way to the point it feels hard to have a serious conversation with him. I am a person with a lot of feelings and I love to be there for people and am very empathetic and loving but I also do like to have a laugh. I always thought when i got married id have somene who loved me enough to always care about my feelings but my husband can just be so insincere at times . I feel like I have nobody to talk to and as a result feel really lonely in my relationship. There’s been a number of times I have ended up in tears asking him why he won’t be there for me- I’m really worried that when something big happens in life and I need him to be there for me I’m going to be so alone. he is also not very affectionate at all since we got married and my love language is affection I love kisses and cuddles etc - he does hold my hand and give me the odd kiss through the day but there’s no such thing as the real affectionate, passionate love that I always dreamed of. I’ve tired talking to him about both issues above but I feel like he doesn’t take me seriously and nothing ever changes. I feel really ungrateful as he is great to me in other ways and always buys me gifts etc, which I am so grateful for but I’ve give up all the gifts I ever got if it meant I could just get some cuddles and feel loved in this way. lately It has hit me how much I must have asked for all this in the past and nothing really changes so I must just seem like a nag. Doesnt he care? He comes from a family who never showed affection or talk about their feelings so maybe that could be a factor. So lately I’ve just given up and started to mentally check out of the relationship. I’ve started going out at night and just sitting reading in my car to get away from everything, and also going upstairs and spending the night away from him most nights as I’d rather just not be there than be an emotional burden . Have also started going out with a friend more at the weekend. I’ve had advances made on me by a few men when out too and it’s hard to not feel flattered when you have to try so hard at home for the basic things. The worst thing is I would dont want to be doing all this. I just be at home cuddled up in the couch with someone who loves me like I always hoped for. It’s also starting to affect my health and I’m just feeling so sad right now and not sure if there’s any hope for the future x

If you've been with her for 3 years, and you feel like you're not sure, that means no. You should never settle down with someone and enter into marriage if you have doubts about it. Never, ever.

Yeah. I suspect the sexy comments were what dragged OP in, but it seems like she was over-sexing herself because she probably felt she had nothing else to offer.

Thanks so kind. Thank you so much. I rarely run into her so I am struggling with my patience. Hopefully I see her soon

She seems open enough that a simple invitation won’t feel out of place, but reserved enough that you won’t know unless you take that small step. That’s really the sweet spot you’re in. She’s giving you just enough warmth to justify a gentle nudge, but not so much that you can assume anything. A low‑pressure coffee invite fits perfectly...it’s casual, it’s friendly, and it gives her room to lean in if she wants to. If anything, the fact that you’re thinking this through so thoughtfully already puts you ahead. Most people either over‑interpret or under‑interpret signals. You’re reading the situation with nuance, and that’s exactly how you avoid awkwardness.

Thank you so much. Perhaps I should have framed the question as 'is there interest enough to pursue a coffee?'

Yup, that was my thought as well!

That's such a bizarre question to ask, and should have been your queue to exit stage left and not get dragged into whatever her situation, agenda, or chaos was about to pull you into. Because that’s really what was happening. When someone you’ve known for 48 hours is: trauma‑dumping, sexualizing the conversation without invitation, talking about moving in, asking for your car details, describing financial collapse and then suddenly disappearing it's you being positioned as a potential solution to her problems, not a partner.

You’re in that gray zone where there are definitely signals of warmth and interest, but nothing so clear that you can confidently call it romantic. If you’re interested, you don’t need to make a grand move. You just need to give her a safe, low‑pressure opening. Something like: “Hey, I’m grabbing a coffee later — if you ever want to join, let me know.”

Because she wanted a baby daddy and you were the closest option... But I think you know that already. I really feel like you need to at least get used to doing your own household chores by yourself before you even consider having kids, unless you're making $200k+/year and are willing to spend it all. Lots of guys have no idea how much extra work having kids involves, and society doesn't tell them until they're right in the thick of it. For an average couple who spends 10 hours a week on household chores, having kids triples that. For you, who does almost nothing, it's essentially an infinite increase... Yeah, unfortunately this is very much the case.

I feel it’s a shame as I have been able to have more reasonable discussions with strangers on this forum than my current ex. The first 5/6 months was great and it feel like we had a bond. No arguments etc. wanting kids together seemed impulsive but it was in the context of a whirlwind romance. Then it wasn’t the arguments, it was the reluctance on her part to fix anything, which suggests she started the arguments for no reason. For example, before Xmas, she asked me 20 questions from instagram and then asked me what my plans were for Xmas. All I said was I plan to go home maybe a couple of days either side of Xmas to visit family and friends. She burst out crying, said I didn’t prioritize her or think about her in my plans and left my house and wouldn’t listen to reason. I explained to her that wasn’t the case, it was only December 9 and we could make our own plans. I apologized if there was a misunderstanding. She didn’t accept it and went home and said she is glad the ‘big things’ are coming out now. Next morning I get a text saying maybe we should take some time apart and consider if we are ready for a committed relationship! All because I said I may go home either side of Xmas. I’m someone who always wants to fix things and I don’t have malice towards partners if I feel it’s just a misunderstanding. She said festive period is an important time for her due to bereavement when she knew it’s exactly the same for me, but she didn’t care. This is someone who wanted to move in and have kids with me, but shown she would make up an argument out of no reason and even if she felt it was valid, wouldn’t accept reason. Im now finding it hard to both move on mentally from the confusion of the relationship and the disappointment. I’m currently away with friends and they are all partnered up etc and it’s probably compounding it.