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It's not your job to help her be a better person. You're not her therapist. You can't work on someone else's problems. It's her job to work on herself.

Her behavior is called a "deal breaker." She's wonderful. Great. She robs banks. Deal breaker. She might be wonderful. But if she is that insecure that she rejects you and attacks you for kind gestures, dude, that's a deal breaker. Equivalent to dating an abuser. You do know that abused people have some positive feelings for their abusers. And abusers have good qualities--they're not 100 percent evil all the time, every year, every day and every hour. But if you want a vital and decent life (which is hard under the best of conditions) you gotta get away from abusers. And your gf's rejection of you can only feel like abuse. How are you going to tell your children--let's imagine that--to be kind to other people when this woman rejects all that? Your esteem is already low or else you wouldn't accept this behavior. You think having a partner be "kind" is something you have to earn. Get out of denial. And set some standards.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I've thought long and hard over this and yeah there probably was signs but not anything one would consider a red flag. Just as an example, a couple of years ago we were at a party and I was outside with 4 other people, 2 guys and 2 girls, and as people do at parties people move around and there was a stage where I was alone with one of the girls, we were chatting about car racing. My gf came from nowhere and sat on my lap. I didn't think anything of it and she didn't say anything about it but now I suspect she was marking her territory. Or of course I may be reading way too much into that because of what's happened now.

Thank you.

I hear you all, I really do and that's the way I'm leaning. But while right now I'm just focusing on this crap, and that's all I've told you guys, there's also been so many wonderful times. I'm not sure I should just throw it away without fighting for it. I really want to know where this has all come from and I would be willing to work through it with her, we may still break up but if it helps her be a better person than that's a positive outcome. And who knows, it will give us a chance to see if we can save this. This weekend will be the decider. One way or another there will be a result.

@Lamron300 Can I flip your narrative so that you think of her? She's a 40 yo (or maybe 41 now) woman who knows she wants kids and doesn't have a moment to waste. You on the other hand know you want love and marriage first and have a lot of time up your sleeve. You also know that the two of you are incompatible in your wants. When you started this thread back in Oct, you'd been with her for 6 months. You're now 9 or 10 months in and are aware of this incompatibility, so why are you wasting her precious fertile years? If you're not going to leave for your own sake, at least her go so that she can find a man who wants what she wants. Or get donor sperm. Or at the very minimum, tell her that you won't be fathering kids with her anytime soon

If you read the fine print, there was also activity on dating apps

These things exist on a scale. Say a woman is motivated, did well at school, works part time while going to university on a scholarship to study for a profession....but also comes from a lower class background? Are you really going to pass on her because her parents are poor? Edit to add: how would you know she comes from a lower class without asking?

She doesn’t say it that way, when asked why she does not contact ne she replies ”because i am sick”

I would be with her with the health challenges.She has supported me as well.The long distance was bot forever at this point i would like to get a closure from her? She did not call me today, its sad after 4 years to not even end it in a normal way

Its make believe, nothing more.It’s not really cheating, it’s almost fantasy, nothing more.

Yep I agree. I think you just have to keep in mind that you can't really plan for life and have any guarantee of things going exactly how you'd like. You could be a millionaire with a wondeful wife and a successful company, and within a week your wife could leave you and the business could go bust. All you can really do is your best at any given moment and roll with life's punches, and don't stay in something thst makes you miserable because youre afraid of letting go. I've learned that its not particularly useful to try and solve or explain every setback in your life because quite often you can't have an answer and even if you knew it wouldn't be any help.

The way she has been acting should already tell you that she does not want a relationship with you and she's distancing herself from you. She obviously isn't going to magically wake up one day and want to be with you. It's time for you to make the decision to stop letting this drag out, rather than wait around for her.

That's why it has to be your decision. Because you know what you can live with. But let's talk about your response a bit. What if, indeed, she wanted to say you should be together? Do you think that would be a good idea, what with the long distance and her illness and whatever other relationship challenges you have faced in this brief period? Would it be logistically possible? And are you genuinely compatible?

It's hard to believe that you've been with her 5 years, and she never showed any signs of this crazy behavior until recently. But in any case, there's really nothing you can do except tell her that you will have zero tolerance for this emotionally abusive, crazy behavior going forward. And that if she doesn't knock it off immediately, that will be the end of the relationship. And follow through on that. If she acts like this again, don't waste another day in this relationship.

You're taking a broad generalization (that a lot of women prefer men who are taller) and assuming it applies full scale to everyone out there. The key word here is that lots of women PREFER (when fantasizing or imaging) someone taller. Lots of women (and that means NOT ALL) also imagine liking a billionaire and a guy with rock-hard abs and someone who's a gourmet cook and who has lots of friends and is kind to servers. You're not understanding that meeting real people in front of us (who we come to like) is more important than our fantasies. I've never considered myself short, though I am ... I'm about 5'7 1/2 ... though I tell myself I'm 5'8" ... I've dated women who were taller. My ex was really tall, probably three inches on me. I asked her about this, which frankly never bothered me. She said she had always been taller than guys she dated, so that didn't really bother her. It never crossed my mind to be insecure about approaching her. Another woman I dated did admit to preferring tall men (I brought it up, not her), but she treated me fine. I was the one holding back, not her. Build your overall social skill and confidence by becoming more social. That's your next step.

Your girlfriend sexually assaulted you. There would be zero tolerance if a man did this to his female partner, let alone in a public place. Absolutely disgusting and abusive behaviour and a serious violation of your body. I would get rid of her before the sun goes down today.

You’re absolutely right in what you’re saying, and I agree that we shouldn’t get hung up on things that don’t really matter, especially at this age. For me though, there’s also a balance to it: enjoying the moment doesn’t necessarily mean living recklessly as if there’s no tomorrow. Life is short, yes, but to truly enjoy it and build something meaningful for the future, you need a bit of thought, care and measured decisions. So yes to living in the present just with one eye on what comes next.

Dude, gf objects and attacks you based on you giving up your seat to a pregnant woman.? Non-negotiable. Fire her. She is not a good person for you. Most women I know would be so impressed with your generosity and concern for others around you. You write, "I should have learned my lesson but I guess I’m slow." You're only slow to affirm your own good action and to stand up for your values! Dude, you don't let someone else attack you for doing something wonderful and generous in the world. Dump this woman. Why are you hesitating? BTW: what you want to do in situations like this is to tune into your own good feeling after doing such a positive act. The second woman hugged you. That meant she really appreciated you picking up the dropped item. Take that in. Feel good and proud of yourself for your kind actions. Nine out of ten partners will appreciate that. You picked a loser. Dump her immediately.

I asked her yesterday and she said no, when i asked are you ending with me? She said she doesn’t want to plan anything what happens happens.She basically said nothing , i was like why are you not calling anymore? And she is ” you know i have been sick and i am worried about my heart and health i do not even care about my self anymore” she also said she would call me today but she has not (yet).If she wanted to end i asked her openly

You can't control what other people think about you or want from you. But you can control whether you give them the time of day. It sounds like you're setting yourself up to fail by just going with the flow and dating whoever and then getting surprised when they turn out to be complex human beings who are selfish, dishonest, manipulative, etc. You need to start out with a better set of criteria so that you don't end up dating women who are likely to be incompatible with you (For instance, don't date women in their forties as they're likely to be watching their biological clock keenly and may want to have kids sooner than you are ready to. Another example: You already know that marriage matters to you, so don't date women who are not interested in marriage.) Also, give yourself more time to get to know the people you're dating so that you can determine whether you're on the same page. Most people are on their best behavior for the first 3-6 months. So you might not get a sense of what they're really like until you have known them for at least one year. If it turns out you're not on the same page, then you should end the relationship instead of extending it indefinitely. Please, please don't start planning to marry or move in unless you have gotten to know a woman very well over the course of at least one year. Some people are exceptional and will "just know" that someone's right for them after a few weeks. Remember: Those are the exception. So don't assume you can have the same experience. You already have all the information you need to fix your problem (if you want to fix it).

Yes, I know many people feel it your age but you're not even remotely "old". The sooner you realise how early you are in life, how much potential you have to develop and become what you want to become, the more you'll enjoy life. They say youth is wasted on the young and that's because for some reason your teens and early 20s are the time most people spend fretting over absolute bs. When reality hits and you start to get more and more practical problems stacking up in your life, the more you realise there is absolutely no point sweating things that really dont matter and just enjoy the present moment. The earlier you realise, the freer you will be to just enjoy your youth.

I think theres two distinct possibilities here. Potentially she is doing the dirty, as projection is sometimes a deflection tactic in these cases. But more likely I think sice you said she hasn't acted like this before: I think she has been a little unsure about the relationship for a while and she senses things are getting more serious, that you might be planning a proposal etc, and she's gotten cold feet. Some people's mode of rejection is instead of communicating their feelings, to get nasty and push you away first. It could be something else entirely but if I was betting on it I'd bet on the second one. Whatever it is, its not actually about the women or anything in particular you're doing if your account is accurate, so don't start accepting blame.

That’s because you are

your comment makes me feel like I'm still extremely young