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While you have a point about honesty on the apps I would see an acceptable lie as for example claiming your height is 185 when it's actually 180, not shaving 10 years off your age and keeping that charade up for months. Having dated plenty of people on the apps the majority of exaggerations I came across was stuff like the former, maybe photos that had been edited a bit. If anyone did something like OP described that would be a major dealbreaker for me and I suspect for a lot of people, I don't think it's just that "online dating isn't for him".

While it's true I mainly focus on casual dating but at the same time people are going to have trouble finding individuals who are being a 100% honest with them no matter what they are looking for. Many of these gals know that these men on the apps are extremely superficial and that they are looking for something to fit into a very specific box. The OP probably is better off just trying to meet people through his friends if he is going to be that strict about honesty. He's going to have a difficult time finding anyone on the apps if he is going to cut off communication with a lady he is getting along well with just because she tried to write her profile in a way that would get more attention.

I'm very against the idea that we have a "soulmate". I believe we have many, though admittedly they are rare on the scale of people we will meet in our life. It's not just romantic either, I have a couple of friendships where I feel we understand eachother on a level that isn't typical for most of the people I spend my time with. Maybe you need to let go of the idea that having a soul bond with someone means that they have to come back to you. There may be one you spend the rest of your life with, but some of them are just meant to be there for a time in your life. If you can accept that you had that connection but that it served its purpose and you have now both moved on, you may be able to shed your feeling of connection with him. I had the same experience with my ex. I felt a deeper connection with her than anyone I had before, and it took me two years to get over it. I would wake up sometimes in the middle of the night with a distinct sense that whatever I was feeling, she was feeling too. When we were dating, we would often seem to read eachothers' minds. Maybe you relate to some of that. The key thing that helped me leave her in the past was accepting that although she may have been my soulmate, she wasn't meant to be in my life for a ling time. Once I accepted that, I could release myself and a few years on I can now see that in the sense of who we are and where we were in our lives we unfortunately were incompatible in so many ways.

I'm sure it's probably serious if he's posting her on social media. That does not mean it is a perfect, idyllic relationship. You don't know anything about the real dynamic between them, and an Instagram highlight reel doesnt really prove anything one way or another. More importantly though it has nothing to do with you now. Your relationship has passed, now its time to focus on yourself and just wish him well. If he was someone who you once loved, you should want him to have happiness in his life, not to crash and burn just to prove a point that he's toxic and nobody could love him. One of the bitter pills of breakups and jealousy over new partners is the fact that they were totally wrong for you doesn't mean they are wrong for everybody. Maybe you are with someone wherein you just push eachothers buttons all the time and it doesnt work. That same person might meet someone who brings out the best in them and its just a more natural fit. That doesnt mean that you failed or you blew it, it just means that much as you tried you weren't a good match.

It is very concerning I agree. No amount of therapy has helped. It is obvious that his message to me was sent during a weak moment of his that obviously passed fairly quickly since he never tried me again. In my heart I always felt we would return to one another so I never gave up hope. All that hope ruined me.

I know anything is possible. Hes a very private person and would never post a woman or introduce her to his family unless it was serious. I sometimes think he posted it to get a reaction out of me, thats the hope still hanging on, but then reality hits and I realize that its not about me at all. Hes building a life with someone else and is genuinely happy. I cant seem to move on.

I am going to guess that was precisely her intention. It is selfish and deceitful. I personally don't accept those qualities in someone I'm trying to from a partnership with. Good for you for upholding reasonable standards for yourself.

I think this is more the perspective of a guy who does casual dating. If you're just out for fun it doesn't matter a damn really, as they're not going to be too involved in your life anyway. I think the OP is looking at something more serious with her, in which case I would say it's a pretty significant lie.

While that might be true however if he does make a big deal of it then online dating probably isn't for him. As he is going to find few on dating apps are completely honest about themselves.

It's not about the age it's about the LIE. Well the age is part of it but it's mostly the big fat lie. To make matters worse is she didn't admit it for MONTHS. If you don't walk away now, you're going to regret it.

Hardly anyone is 100% honest about themselves on their dating profiles. Men usually try to exaggerate their financial situation because they know women like men who have a stable income. Women usually fudge on their age a little bit because they know many men like younger women. While it definitely isn't good practice to start lying on your profile I would really only make a big deal about this if you yourself have been completely honest with her..........about everything. Five years isn't really that big of a difference when you are in your 40's. And lol if you find her really attractive now she isn't suddenly going to become unattractive to you just because she turns 50. A lot of women in their 50's are still very attractive. If she takes care of herself she will likely maintain her looks well into her 60's. And just between you and me a lot of women in that age group are very experienced in the bedroom and enjoy pleasing a younger man that they like. It's up to you if you want to accept her fib but again I would only make a big deal about a 49 year old saying she is 39 if you yourself have absolutely been a 100% honest with her up to this point. Have you?

Would you want him back if he hadn't met someone new, or is that why it stings so much? He's finding happiness with someone else, or so it looks. Whatever it was that he did, or didn't, do, whatever made you break up with him......he'll do the same thing to the next woman, and the next. It's been three years, you should be moving on now too, and you can start by not checking his social media .

I think you are right to be cautious of it. It may not seem like the biggest red flag, but it says a lot about her self-esteem, and how willing she is to lie to you.

It is a big lie for me, and a trust issue now, and how she was dismissing it a something very small makes it even worse. Drawing me into an emotional connection before telling me is bad too, as if she was expecting that if I get very deep feelings for her then I will be too attached/far into the relationship so would end up accepting this. Luckily I am headstrong, and am not blind in love to not think logically. Thanks all for making the effort to reply and offer your opinions, it is much appreciated, and helped given me clarity, in that I am going to have to end things before they get more serious.

It sounds like he just did what most eventually do - he moved on. It seems so, yes. I doubt him posting this has anything to do with you at all, actually. It's just someone who is excited about their current relationship and wanting to share, like many others on social media. I think you are simply realizing that your expectation that he would reach out again after you never replied was unrealistic. It's a shock to the system, sure, but I think it's actually for the best that you saw this. It's time to really remove him from your life so you can move on, too.

Unfortunately since you chose not to respond to his message 18 months ago you'll probably never know what he wanted. It could have been his way of opening up some dialogue for one more opportunity to make things work, or just a moment of weakness on his part. Probably best to stop dwelling on what he wanted and move in the direction of "I don't care what he wanted, he's old news". It takes time, but to be honest it's a bit troubling that you're so bad off after 1.5 years.

You dont know that. You can't "win" a breakup. Its just two people moving on and they should just try and be happy for eachother and wish eachother the best for their future. In time you probably will. My ex started dating a photographer a few weeks we broke up, they moved to Chicago and started living some idyllic high class boho lifestyle there, or what looked like it according to his pictures. I felt devastated and so inadequate. 5 years on and it seems like he has ditched her to go travelling and just posts about how he is free and living his best life, and she deleted all her social media. So things obviously were far from as perfect as they seemed. It's a cliche but Instagram is usually very far from the reality of people's lives.

Agree with Gebidozo that youre being a bit vague. But one thing you said there is important. Getting too personal on the first few dates is a no no usually. It depends on the pace of the relationship but if youre swapping stories of family traumas early on it turns into a counselling session and the attraction dies, normally. It's crossing a boundary.

Oh boy. Why do people do this? 7 months into being official, my ex decided to tell me she was 33 not 25. I was 25 at the time and she told me she thought I wouldn't want to date an older woman. That was after months of her accusing me of various forms of deceit with no real basis for it, and then suddenly reveling she had been deceiving me in a pretty big way herself. I would say its a pretty big red flag for the trust in your relationship.

Thank you for the feedback, I totally get it, looks like a big mistake. I will commit and if the following week is the same cycle then I know to close the chapter. We did have a call yesterday on lunch and she has mentioned stress around one of her parents and work right now but said she was looking forward to Saturday. I kept it short as I had to jump into a meeting.

Nope, I would not continue dating this person. The age gap wouldn't really bother me, but the dishonesty and response when called out on it sure would. That would be my cue that I cannot trust her and that she will deceive people to get what she wants. She let this drag on for too long, and her dismissive attitude when called to task on it would be all the confirmation I need to send her on her way.

I think you’re asking the wrong questions here. The right question, perhaps, would be “why did we break up in the first place and what makes me think it would have worked this time”. Another good question would be “Since I was the one who chose to stop communicating with him, what reason do I have to be upset about him moving on?” Sorry, but your statement about not really wanting to reach out applies to you much more than it applies to him. He did reach out. You are the one who chose to ignore that. He respected your wish and moved on. I also don’t understand why you were picturing reconciliation stories when all you needed to do to advance a reconciliation was reply to his message. If he is genuinely happy, then all you can do is move on and try to find happiness with someone else.

Can you please provide more detail? What exactly do you do when you’re nervous? How do you overcompensate? What do you mean by not letting the other person in?

hard to admit b/c its kinda taboo but, im just not good at it. i get nervous, i overcompensate, and i feel like i never really let the other person in. any advice on this? i feel like being honest is good but i also dont wanna emotionally dump before/when thats not appropriate tried apps and stuff but i cant getpast just matching, not sure how to get from lots of matches/likes to actually going on dates, and enjoying them too hopefully.

4 yrs together. I dont even remember who broke it off this time because things were so heated. He reached out by text 18 months after we split asking how I was doing. I chose not to open his message as I was still hurting. As time went on I wondered why he had never checked back in with me to see if I even got his message. I guess I was looking for effort at that point and I assumed if he had wanted to get in touch with me that badly, it is logical to try me again. By text, call, email etc. As days went on and the follow up message never came, I felt better about not replying to his message. It had been a simple breadcrumb. That was 15 months ago. He recently changed his profile photo, something he hasnt dont in 10 years. It is a photo of him and a new woman on a beach down south. The comments show that family members have met one another too. I am beyond broken. What did he want from me a year and a half ago? Did he move on because I ignored him? Does he hate me? Is he mad that I ignored his reach out and posting that photo to make me jealous as in, hey, I won the break up? No. he is genuinely happy. All the stories I told myself about hope and reconciliation us, changing and building, us growing together. It all came down when I saw that photo. I cant even function.