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I would have ended the relationship then, yes.

yes hit me on the top of my head with both hands

I don't understand what you mean by this. She took your head in her hands? She hit you on the head?

This post was a little confusing because you made it sound like these incidents were recent, and I was all ready to say that the relationship is toxic and you should leave. But then at the end you throw in that this all happened 3 years ago but hasn't happened since, and the relationship is much better now. So, ok then. Why are you putting so much stock in the opinion of one friend? Just because a friend tells you that you should have left the relationship, that doesn't mean that's necessarily the "correct" opinion. How do YOU feel about the relationship now, do you truly feel that those toxic traits are in the past and she is no longer acting abusively or erratically? Are you comfortable in the relationship? Are you and your gf still using drugs and alcohol? It sounds like a lot of your problems were fueled by that.

We have been together for 4 years, both mid 30s. She is beautiful, kind, caring, absolutely amazing with children and all of my friends and family adore her (more than they do me). She is a family girl which I love, and I'm very serious about her. She moved in to mine pretty early on, and for the most part our relationship has been the best thing to ever happen to me, she feels the same. Our lives have meshed together well, she introduced me to her family early on (and vice versa) and everyone gets on well. We have such a laugh together, we've shared some incredible memories, and I see my future in her every single day. I know she'd had periods of feeling really low especially since she'd been working less, aside from some tutoring. She's worked hard on getting her career back in swing. Over a year in to the relationship she started piling on a lot of stress especially during my downtimes. I know this was not intentional - she is very aware of her tendency to overthink and I've told her how to best deal with this including strategies but she'd only keep it up for so long. She had good weeks where she engages with all her hobbies, but then really bad weeks to follow. On a bad day it used to be very overwhelming. The first time she hit me was after a friend's wedding - we'd both had a lot to drink, I was tired, but she wanted to have sex. We ended up in an argument and she threw her arms out (aimed at me) and caught me on the chest. She felt very bad for it, but a similar thing happened a few weeks later. I told her if it were to happen again we're over. A few months later we were at a friend's house, drunk and high. She'd been annoyed with me as she felt I'd withheld some information purposely. I hadn't, I just didn't think to tell her. When it was just me and her in the room she told me she felt I didn't care about her, then apparently (in her words) I looked her straight in the eye and said 'you're right, I don't care about you'. If I had said this, it would've been sarcastically. This caused her to come over next to me and plant her hands on my head. I gave her the benefit of the doubt due to the substances - she told me afterwards that she got really paranoid, couldn't control herself and it wasn't me that she saw in that moment. I believed her. After that, she had locked herself away in the bedroom and was sobbing uncontrollably. She then told me that I'm too good for her, she felt she didn't deserve me, and that I shouldn't forgive her. I know that my gf struggled to express herself maturely. Underneath it all she has the kindest soul. My friends, and their children, are literally obsessed with her. She always told me that this behaviour isn't her, and she started going for therapy after the third incident. This was three years ago now, and there's been no such thing since. We're in a very good place, and I'm glad I stuck by her side. One of my friends found out about this the other day... no idea how. They told me I should've left the relationship there and then. What do you think? tl;dr gf hurt me and friend is unhappy that I stayed, how do I move forward?

We have been together for 4 years. She is beautiful, kind, caring, absolutely amazing with children and all of my friends and family adore her (more than they do me). She is a family girl which I love, and I'm very serious about her. She moved in to mine pretty early on, and for the most part our relationship has been the best thing to ever happen to me, she feels the same. Our lives have meshed together well, she introduced me to her family early on (and vice versa) and everyone gets on well. We have such a laugh together, we've shared some incredible memories, and I see my future in her every single day. I know she'd had periods of feeling really low especially since she'd been working less, aside from some tutoring. She's worked hard on getting her career back in swing. Over a year in to the relationship she started piling on a lot of stress especially during my downtimes. I know this was not intentional - she is very aware of her tendency to overthink and I've told her how to best deal with this including strategies but she'd only keep it up for so long. She had good weeks where she engages with all her hobbies, but then really bad weeks to follow. On a bad day it used to be very overwhelming. The first time she hit me was after a friend's wedding - we'd both had a lot to drink, I was tired, but she wanted to have sex. We ended up in an argument and she threw her arms out (aimed at me) and caught me on the chest. She felt very bad for it, but a similar thing happened a few weeks later. I told her if it were to happen again we're over. A few months later we were at a friend's house, drunk and high. She'd been annoyed with me as she felt I'd withheld some information purposely. I hadn't, I just didn't think to tell her. When it was just me and her in the room she told me she felt I didn't care about her, then apparently (in her words) I looked her straight in the eye and said 'you're right, I don't care about you'. If I had said this, it would've been sarcastically. This caused her to come over next to me and plant her hands on my head. I gave her the benefit of the doubt due to the substances - she told me afterwards that she got really paranoid, couldn't control herself and it wasn't me that she saw in that moment. I believed her. After that, she had locked herself away in the bedroom and was sobbing uncontrollably. She then told me that I'm too good for her, she felt she didn't deserve me, and that I shouldn't forgive her. I know that my gf struggled to express herself maturely. Underneath it all she has the kindest soul. My friends, and their children, are literally obsessed with her. She always told me that this behaviour isn't her, and she started going for therapy after the third incident. This was three years ago now, and there's been no such thing since. We're in a very good place, and I'm glad I stuck by her side. One of my friends found out about this the other day... no idea how. They told me I should've left the relationship there and then. What do you think? tl;dr gf hurt me and friend is unhappy that I stayed, how do I move forward?

Then you are very likely calling an old and disconnected number. You will need to find the current number. As I said in your other thread, you need to start looking for another job. This one isn't going to last much longer.

Of course not. Who would pay the ultimate price for that? That half-unwanted second child. Don't bring more kids into this mess. Oh, it's way past time to formally end the marriage. You two do not get along, barely like each other, and have already been exposing your child to this long enough. It's dysfunctional. It's one of those situations which should have ended a long time ago but perhaps both of you were trying to force a square peg into a round hole because you wanted a relationship of some kind, a child, or were just too afraid of being single again. But it's well past its expiration date now. Set yourself free, and pave a happier path forward for yourself. Your child will thank you later for not raising them in a toxic household.

His surprise, the joking, the suggestion of dinner, the museum detour, the impulsive kiss those aren’t the actions of someone who feels nothing. There was genuine spark and curiosity. His energy changed for sure though mid-way through the date. His comment about “being cautious” and “consequences” wasn’t random. That was him revealing that he was suddenly in his head. He sounds ambivalent, not someone who is clearly into it or clearly out. You simply met someone who felt something but not enough, or not clearly enough, or not steadily enough to show up fully.

Also even after I paid the money I just found out she wrote me up anyway.

When I try to contact them my phone disconnects i have tried several phones and it wont go through

Unfortunately, none of the above can be resolved by having another baby. This woman doesn't respect you, which makes it unlikely she can love you. You deserve a better relationship with someone who can appreciate you. This woman is not her.

There's a couple of problems: -You went to Instagram to go on a date. I'll be straight with you, one of the main reasons why a lot of people go onto Instagram is to try and attract certain individuals, in particular the extremely physically attractive people, to go out with them. They may go out with normal people from time to time just for a meal, and they may exchange numbers, but they see it as friends going out, not actual dates. So the hug meant nothing to this person you talked about, other than to keep you giving attention to her. Happens often to other people. I had women who I've gone out with give me their number then just fall off the face of the earth, until they pop up out of no where on my feeds and she's screwing around with other men. Consider this the first indicator she wasn't interested in you. -Problem number two, her not responding to your texts. It's another sign she's not interested or never was. Women I liked and had interest in, we started out texting each other often, but over time, when other guys pop up that started doing the same thing, the number texts from those women and their responses to me went down. It got to the point where they say nothing until I shot them messages but only get a few word response. So if you're getting fewer messages from a woman you like, it's another sign that she wasn't interested (and goes along with the first post). -The next issue, and this is speculation so please add some context to it, is the date. Now, there's nothing wrong with going on dates, and if it was fun, great. But given the last two issues posted, the questions must be asked (and you don't need to be specific with exact locations because I may not be familiar with those places): where did you for the date (out to dinner)? How was she acting? Did she only laugh when you laughed? Did she even say that you two should go out again? The only reason I'm asking is I've seen guys take their dates out to expensive restaurants and bars, dropping hundreds of dollars, telling all the jokes, keeping conversations going, telling their dates very private information, and all while their dates don't do much. They may say a couple things here and there, but, ultimately, these dates don't try to initiate anything. So if you were carrying everything with her only responding whenever you laughed or whatever the case is, when you initiated, it might be a sign that she was there only to get dinner and that was all. To be fair, this can all be speculation as far as this situation is concerned. I wasn't at the date, so you know better than I do. However, the patterns are very similar, and in some cases the same. I've experienced it myself. Yeah, it's nice to see the person you're interested in like your posts, but it's not a sign that they want you. Many times, they're just trying to be friendly and like you as a human being. That's it. If they truly see you as a romantic interest, they will text you often, will ask if you're available on certain days, and don't care where you take them. It can be something as simple as a walk in the park or a coffee. To me, again based on my experience, it sounds like this woman may not have been interested in you. I would like to think you did everything right for the date, so don't think I'm criticizing you for doing what you needed to for the date. And I'm glad to hear you had fun because you should enjoy yourself. Truth be told, though, she may not have been interested in you before the date took place. That does tend to happen from time to time. Personally, I think this person was just looking for a free meal at a really nice restaurant (or wherever you went, could be drinks), possibly taking photos for her Instagram to get likes from others, and used you as a means to get her around (and to make you another one of her followers). I hope I'm wrong, but it sounds too familiar to say it's this person just being busy. I hear this excuse and doesn't pass the smell test most of the time. If she liked you, there would have been a barrage of messages in your dm by now. Since there isn't, well, it'd be better to cut whatever losses there is now. I'd say stay off of Instagram and dating sites/apps to find someone. Go to some fun social events with some friends. Get involved with a gym that has classes or a group that does a sport like activity (something you like already or would want to check out). For example, I've been doing ballroom dancing for few years now (since close to the beginning of the 2020s). I've been competing and showcasing for nearly 4 years, been at my current studio since August 2022, which is ran by 2 professional dancers. I've travelled with them, met a lot of people inside and outside the studio, did things together that were not dance related, and the studio before I made a lot of friends with. I even managed to go out on a couple dates with women I liked. Nothing came of them, but it expanded my horizon and I can probably be in a relationship with someone if I wanted to. I'm choosing not to because I got other things I'm straightening out with financials and family matters, but the point is if dating was a top priority, I have more access. I want to be sure if I want to get married someday that I marry the right woman and not someone I have no desire to be with, but at least if I wanted to go date occasionally just to go have some fun (not that I would advise this), I can do it. The point is if you want someone you know who's real, it's better to meet them when you're participating in an event and having fun. Social media's there to show what you've been up to, but it can be very deceiving because it doesn't answer as many questions as what you would hope for. So, anyway, that's all I got at the moment.

Talk about things that matter most to you. I always did that and found it to be a great way to either connect on a deeper level or disconnect faster and in a painless fashion. If the girl turns out to be passionate about what you’re most passionate about, or at least admires your own passion for those things, then the chemistry between you two will spike significantly. If not, then you’ll know that’s not someone you’d want to date seriously. In either case, there will be progress.

Lately, I've managed to find time to be alone with the girl I like, but the thing is, we're both very introverted, and sometimes it's hard to start or keep a conversation going. We're both studying the same thing, so I also want to try to avoid that topic as much as possible so we're not always talking about the same thing. And I'd like to know how to start a conversation so we can both enjoy ourselves and get to know each other better.

I agree. You two have been working daily together for awhile now and have become friendly with each other in the process but there definitely isn't too many signs that it runs much deeper then that. I have dated co-workers in the past and usually when they are interested they make it very clear they are interested. You wouldn't have to ponder if they are interested because you would know. If you have to think about rather a coworker is actually interested in dating you that usually means they aren't. They may find you attractive but that doesn't really mean much more then that. It doesn't really appear the two of you have ever seen each other in person before and doesn't really seem like you know all that much about one another. Do you even know for certain that she is single?

It would be realistic if neither were a dealbreaker to either of the partners. It is absolutely not realistic in your case. First, because your partner has made it abundantly clear that not having a second child is a dealbreaker to her. Second, because there are other severe issues in your relationship that warrant a breakup. In your case, this question is easy to answer. You move towards separation because the way she’s been treating you is disrespectful, unloving, and bordering on abusive.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for honest perspectives because I feel very confused and emotionally stuck right now. My partner and I have been together for about 6 years and we have a 5-year-old child together. Our relationship has never been perfect, especially during the first year we argued a lot, and during conflicts we sometimes talked about breaking up, but we never actually separated. Recently, a major issue came up. My partner strongly wants a second child, and I don’t feel ready or willing to have another child. She gave me an ultimatum: either we try for another child or we break up. Because of this, we decided on a kind of “semi-breakup”. I moved out so we could both reflect and decide what we really want and whether there is any compromise possible. There are other underlying issues too: - We are very different people with different interests. - She says she feels I don’t give enough emotional support. I’m trying to understand whether that’s true and what it means. - Sometimes she compares me to other men (for example saying someone else does more for his partner or buys certain things). - She also calls me a “princess” and says I have feminine feelings. Sometimes she even calls me “gay.” She claims she’s the “man” of the house because she makes all the decisions. However, when I give my opinion, she downplays it and makes fun of me, which is why I let her decide. - We rarely go out together anymore because she says she isn’t happy when we are together. I also notice that when we go out, I don’t feel much enjoyment either, and I don’t fully understand why. Before the second-child topic came up, I actually felt our relationship was improving somewhat, and I had become used to our life together. Since moving out, I feel a lot of uncertainty. I keep thinking about our child and how all of this will affect him. I find myself going back and forth between: - trying reconciliation (possibly accepting the idea of another child), or - accepting that maybe we should separate. I don’t know if my confusion means the relationship still has potential or if it’s a sign that we are fundamentally incompatible. I would really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar: - How do you know whether to try reconciliation or move toward separation? - Is it realistic to stay together when one partner wants another child and the other doesn’t? - How should I think about this decision while also considering our child’s wellbeing?

I don't really see anything that suggests romantic interest, no. She's friendly and obviously enjoys you as a coworker and friend, but she isn't giving signals that it could be more. That's not to say she definitely isn't interested but there's nothing really concrete here to illustrate anything more than platomic energy.

Jesus Christ guys, I just wanted a read on the data I presented. Do you feel like there is chance based on what I said that she is potentially showing an interest in something beyond platonic? I'm just wanting a unbiased 3rd party that doesn't know me and doesn't know her and doesn't know the situation. I don't want a judgment on how much time I have on my hands or what trajectory I should take my love life or whether or not I should date her. I'm not coming her for counseling or broad spectrum dating advice, that's in my court, thank you very much. All I want is a read, what is your hunch, If you can't provide that or don't want to provide that, that is fine.

Don't know if that is a real number or that anonymous poster completely made it up. But in anycase the mods should take that post down.

I tiink you correctly assessed that he wasn't really feeling it on the date. It sounds like had a pleasant time but perhaps didn't feel a click. Having said that, I also think you are letting your emotions steer the ship too much : Lonely, really? It was a first meet-up. I could see if you two were actually dating and he often brushed you off, but this was not that deep. Also, in the future, avoid this sort of move: If someone tells you that they don't want to do something, that's your cue to drop it. Don't persist. In and of itself, it's not that big a deal , but it points to a sense of desperation on your part. If you have to convince someone to stay a bit longer with you, you're barknig up the wrong tree, in other words. Just let them go. Lastly, I sense a lot of projecting in your interpretation of events: Really, you have no clue if he was feeling either of the above. If he was longing for you, he likely would have kept the date going, tried to make another physical move, or mentioned meeting up again. And I rather doubt he was suspicious. He could just as easily have been curious about you. My overall impression is that he wasn't into it, true, but also that you walked into this date already loaded with an emotionally-charged filter. You may want to ask yourself why you pinned so many expectations on this specific date to the extent that you are lonely and sad about it. Disappointed, sure, but I would dig deeper. It seems it triggered something inside you, too.

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