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Looking at the OP (Redarrow's) activity it doesn't look like they have even logged on for almost two weeks now (around the time they sent their last message) so this thread can probably be put to bed as at this point as there is a good chance the OP won't even read what people are saying. Always kind of amuses me how people often just disappear as soon as they hear some things that they don't necessarily want to hear. Makes me kind of think that some aren't really looking for advice. They just want people to back up what they are thinking.

I have a STEM degree and work in the analyst field. Sometimes energy or gas. Most of my jobs were contract (6-12 months) and it’s difficult to get converted into a full time employee with benefits and the works. I’d argue sometimes contract work can be better since many salaried positions end up with 60-70 hour weeks which can make your hourly pay rate less than the strict per/hour wage in contract work AND makes you a workaholic, though it is less secure. I’m from a small town and moved back with my family for 2 years after college graduation plus worked in a call center which was the bulk of positions there. Those likely factored into why it was hard for me to find non-contract technical work. I’m just getting back to people after a rough work week and forgetting to visit the forum. I admit my time management is kind of poor and I’m trying to address it.

I’ve been part of a large church in a major city for 4 years and am a member of a young adults group. Within that group, I sometimes attend outings like trivia, housewarming parties and community groups. I’ve not been on a date with anyone from church, or close to a decade. My jaw is weak in the sense that it isn’t projected enough (chin tip lines up with lower lip is said to be ideal) and I have a double chin despite losing weight and being 170 lbs at 5’10”. Not that heavy, but it seems there isn’t enough bone to advance the skin forward so that’s likely the turkey neck coming from.

I'm outa here I literally just came back to say thank you you're the only person that's tried to given me sensible answers to my posts I see you're in Australia, so I don't know, maybe the rest of the world just doesn't think like us Cheers

Sorry is this isn't in the right place, but I wanted to cover a lot of areas For a few years now I have been in an awesome relationship with a much older woman, like literally more than twice my age. I want to clear about something, is that I started the relationship, I was a horny teen and I had the hots for her, and I went after her. A couple of times she wanted to break it off, and I begged her to take me back, and each time wore her down. So I don't want people saying she took advantage of me. It started when I was just a horny teen, and mostly I was just addicted to the sex. And I guess the comfort. My mother was never very "nurturing" was pretty much over being a mum when I came along, etc, etc. So yeah, I think I can admit that there has always been a bit of surrogate-mum about this. She's a wonderful mum and homemaker, great cook, loves people, and so yeah having her look after my every need has been like heaven. She has two kids, daughter and son, around 6 & 8 years younger than me. They figured out what was going on, pretty early on, and I think that them being less freaked out, was what cemented the relationship. (Their dad was an arse, who cheated and abused, so I think they saw it as their mum getting herself some.) Once they were ok with it, I moved into her bedroom. We hang out a lot as a family (a bit less as they're getting older) and NGL the dynamic is a little weird. For them I'm always the big brother, even when their mum is on my lap, and when we go out in public it seems I'm more like the eldest son. It all started out with me renting her "garage" to live in (it was close to Uni) and she needed the cash, and we keep it secret so as far as anyone knows I'm still living in the "garage". We're both religious and go to church, and yeah the fact that we're sinning has always been an issue. I've been out of Uni and working for almost a year now, and the money has really helped. Eventually me still "living in her garage" was going to become an issue, but we have bigger problems I'll admit that at first it was just horny sex, then I guess a very comfortable selfish setup. I know it sounds crap to say that I love them all, but I can't imagine a life without her and her kids. So whilst I supposed I always thought you know "one day..." about kids, I got comfortable with the idea that maybe that was never going to happen for me. Early on I used condoms, and then for a while she used a thermometer, but for some time now had stopped ovulating (according to her cycle/thermometer.) Which made sense as he's in her mid 40's now. Except that now she is pregnant. And already a couple of months along. Her periods had been getting longer apart and less intense, so she wasn't even sure at first. So this creates so many problems for us. For starters, she feels extra guilty and that this is somekind of punishment for our sin. And it's not obvious in public yet, but she is just horrified about the shame it will bring. She gets a little clingy and weepy at times, and needs comfort, so in some ways this is bringing us closer together. And in private she has a little belly, and boobs are more sensitive and stuff, so I find her even more beautiful. And I can make do with just cuddles. She is like really worried about the risks to the baby, given her age. Plus given her obsession with punishment, she's worried the baby will have Downs or something. We decided to tell her kids, and honestly I was shocked how totally onboard they were. I think that them being thrilled for her, is the only thing keeping it together for her. I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I'm just laying out options here, so please don't get all judgey. And yeah, if you just feel the need to tell me that I'm stupid, and selfish, and immature, I know, so don't bother. I get down on both knees, propose, and insist we get married. I'm too young to get married and I'm too young to be a Dad. But I can't imagine my life without this incredible women, and fatherhood is happening whether I'm ready or not. I will go to our Priest, take responsibility, and do whatever I need to do to make this right. I know that she will resist this. She feels she is too much older, for a permanent relationship, but I can be very persuasive. I could go to our priest, confess, and then leave. She will be a wonderful mother, and I feel she will get more support if I'm cast as the only guilty party. (And when I say confess, I mean lie, say it was once off, and that I pushed myself on her.) I feel she'll get support if she is seen as a victim. She goes "travelling" for 6 months and we see what happens. But it's not like there's a cover story. And the big risk I see with this, is what do people normally think if a 16yr old girl suddenly turns up with a "baby sister"?? We change nothing and just weather the storm. Thing is I know her, I know that she will feel ashamed, and she will withdraw, stop going to Church and stop seeing her friends. And the other thing is, that I will happily move out of her bed, and even her house, to remove the stress and "stain of sin", until we can be married. But I don't want to leave her alone, and uncomforted, any longer than I have to. But also NGL, but we could have a great life together. Most grads like me are still living with their mums, or in share houses, because rents are insane in our city. With her house, and my income, we could be set for life. He kids will one inherit the house, but that gives me plenty of time to save and invest.

You both seem like normal, well adjusted individuals in a healthy balanced relationship with mutual respect, compassion, sympathy and understanding. I'm not seeing a problem here.

You're both wrong. You both need to deal with your substance abuse issues, preferably when you're single. Let's say you both do that successfully, you shouldn't reconcile because you're not on the same page regarding what a relationship should look like.

You shouldn't have shown him any text message. It's okay for two people to discuss whether they're dating exclusively and what their policy is on staying friends with exes. But nobody should be demanding to be shown anyone else's phone. And nobody should be yelling at anybody. This guy is way too controlling (frankly, he sounds unhinged), and, like I indicated before, he's trying too hard to accelerate intimacy. I'm sorry you had such a frightening experience. But I'm glad your time together is over.

so my girlfriend i just broke up with 2 days ago that lives with me is telling me she wants to see where it goes still but to not worry about where she goes and how she spends her money. She has a bad past with drugs and alcohol. she quit both but pops pills to deal with back pain which i told her to stop doing because it doesnt help and she had told me already it doesnt help her back but she just enjoys the pills. i told her it wont work because me as a man cant move forward with a women that tells me not to worry about what she does. am i in the wrong? yes there is more to the story. i drink a lot when she gives me attitude and she says everything is my fault and i need to work on myself. i told her she takes not accountability for why things have gotten the way they have. yes i do disrespect her when i get drunk and yes its me but man dealing with a women with so much attitude gets my blood boiling. we tried to make this work many times because it is good when its good of course. but i dont think i need a attitude ass women. I told her i went through a really bad relationship a year ago and i was just about over it now. Now i have to deal with this. I told her my boundaries. She seems to not give a s*** and blame me for the disrespect i tell her when she comes into my room while im drunk with her bullshit. am i in the wrong? im tired of this but i want her. how to i move forward with this situation.... or just thoughts on the matter

After 3 dates I wouldn't be trying to measure feelings through texting frequency. If the dates are good, he follows through, and he keeps seeing you, that's the signal to pay attention to. Twice a day is not strange this early. What would worry me more is getting attached so fast that every gap in communication starts to feel like danger.

After 3 dates I wouldn't be trying to measure feelings through texting frequency. If the dates are good, he follows through, and he keeps seeing you, that's the signal to pay attention to. Twice a day is not strange this early. What would worry me more is getting attached so fast that every gap in communication starts to feel like danger.

After 3 dates I wouldn't be trying to measure feelings through texting frequency. If the dates are good, he follows through, and he keeps seeing you, that's the signal to pay attention to. Twice a day is not strange this early. What would worry me more is getting attached so fast that every gap in communication starts to feel like danger.

I would leave it alone. Three weeks in, this is already way too intense and way too personal for something that barely got off the ground. Whether you meant well or not, once you're discussing his surgery, his boundaries and your future sex life this early, the whole thing is already off track. If he reaches out, slow it way down. If he doesn't, let it end.

I would leave it alone. Three weeks in, this is already way too intense and way too personal for something that barely got off the ground. Whether you meant well or not, once you're discussing his surgery, his boundaries and your future sex life this early, the whole thing is already off track. If he reaches out, slow it way down. If he doesn't, let it end.

I would leave it alone. Three weeks in, this is already way too intense and way too personal for something that barely got off the ground. Whether you meant well or not, once you're discussing his surgery, his boundaries and your future sex life this early, the whole thing is already off track. If he reaches out, slow it way down. If he doesn't, let it end.

You're not really confused, you just don't like the answer. You asked her out and she did not say yes. The hair touching and complimenting your cologne don't mean much now, because plenty of people are warm or flirty at work without wanting to date a coworker. I'd stay polite, keep it professional, and not bring it up again.

I see what your saying. I think that she does believe that she shows love in other ways but if you're "showing someone love" in a way thats not their love language or in a way that doesnt speak to them, it still leaves the person feeling like they're not loved. Her love language is acts of service so If I tried to show love through quality time with her, its not going to hit home.

I don’t mean that you should apologize for wanting to have more sex with your wife, not at all. The problem is your apparent conviction that she is supposed to want it as much as you do. You perceive her refusals as personal rejections because you think that if she doesn’t want to have sex it means she doesn’t love you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that. You should analyze your relationship as a whole and see whether her love is manifested in other aspects besides sex. And then have a talk with her without even a hint of entitlement or pressure, and together figure out what exactly makes her want sex less.

You handled it correctly by blocking him, but you should have done it the first time he insulted you.

You're going around and around and around in circles, repeating all the same things you have said multiple times in your previous thread. I don't know what we can tell you that we haven't already told you several times, honestly.

In dating in general. My head is spinning. The last 2 times I’ve been properly depressed have been because of this relationship. We spent 11 months together and I’m now confused as ever. It feels like I keep making the same mistake, although it isn’t my fault. People wanting ridiculous things from me. My previous ex wanted to be on my mortgage for no reason and my current ex wanted kids and to live with me in my house but not to get married. I tried to look at it from her point of view, to reason and I can’t see it. She wanted to meet my family and friends and see how I ‘interact’ with them and live with me to see what it is like (conditions). But she wanted kids with me ASAP. In December she even suggested let’s try till May and if it doesn’t happen get testing (I’m assuming IVF). A very emotional and expensive process I would not want to do with someone I’m not married to/committed with. Then I sort of got angry with her because I’m like I want to get married one day but it’s not doing me a favour. I want to come to a mutually agreed conclusion with someone that is what is right to do. I only even mentioned it because of the seriousness of the other things we were talking about (kids, living together etc). She said coming to court with me for my lawsuit against a bank would be a big deal as it’s something you would always remember, yet having kids and moving in with me isn’t ??!? Full of contradictions. Now I feel distant and defensive. I feel like people always try and use me. I’ve worked hard to be stable (financially/emotionally), however, it’s always getting tested. I spent so much time with her and she wasn’t even there for me when the chips were down. She just wanted a kid and to pressure me.

That’s what is hurting me a lot and stopping me from moving on. When we first started dating it was a breath of fresh air. We live 15 minutes away from each other. I’ve never lived that close to someone I’ve been dating. It helped tremendously as we could spend a lot of time together. Then all of a sudden, she would say weird things like ‘ I have my own flat so I don’t want to then come to yours and be cooking or putting the sofa cover back on’. This really impacted me as I never asked her to do all those things and I didn’t say all the many many things I did for her. My ex partner wanted to be on my mortgage even though she never gave me a penny and wanted to live off me, so my current ex knew it was a big trigger point. Last few months she would bring up living together constantly, for what reason I do not know. I explained to her I’d rather buy somewhere together even if it’s 90% me and 10% her, so it’s ours. I don’t want to be in a position again where someone is living in my house and we fall out and then they have to leave. My family (rightfully) also would object to it as I’ve been used financially many times. I’m not desperate to get married but the things she wanted asap (kids and living together) for me are in the remit of marriage. When I would bring up marriage, she would have a million excuses or conditions. She is 8/9 years older than me and has been married before, so I felt bitter as she wants what she’s never had (kids) and what she has had before (marriage) didn’t care about. I would be against her in my head, then she would do really nice things that made me think of the original her and I would relent. I saw the pregnancy tests and we did a lot with me present. The lines were positive, however, became very faint afterwards.

This whole relationship has caused me a lot of distress as it has really warped my mind. She seemed so normal for 5/6 months and when we started to talk about kids, everything changed. She knows I own my own house and I run my own business and I’m not looking to relocate (far anyway) in the near future. I made it clear that I believe in marriage before kids as I want to make sure me and my partner are content. I don’t want to be a ‘baby daddy’. The bitterness and resentment on my part come from two areas: 1) she has been married before, yet insists to me having kids with me actually shows she is more devoted as we are combined forever. 2) Now the relationship is over I’ve seen how she pressured me. She would constantly say ‘ I’m broody’ and when we had just reconciled ask me if I wanted to try for kids that month. Knowing that if I say no, it will be a fight and if I said yes then I wouldn’t have meant it. When she got pregnant, it was an accident, I didn’t know she was ovulating and we thought she had just had a period. The pregnancy stick had lines for a week and then turned negative after. As soon as the pregnancy wasn’t viable, she turned against me. Saying I didn’t react well etc. all I asked was maths, I have never been in that situation. I didn’t know what to do for the last few months, on one hand I felt bad as I know she wanted this and the relationship had had good times, but on the other hand I do not agree with what she wants. She wanted to have kids and live with me in my house and would say ‘ I want to see how you interact with your friends and family and what it’s like living with you first’ but she wanted kids ASAP as its benefits her as she is almost 41. Im finding it hard to move on mentally. It kind of ruined the experience of being ‘pregnant’ with someone.

So someone i used to work with years ago recently messaged me out of the blue, we communicated for a week and did tentatively talk about meeting up but I started to get weird vibes so backed off a little. Ive recently come out of a relationship and have been enjoying my own company so the thought of this potentially being a date did freak me out so I politely messaged him to explain and let him down gently that I wasn't interested in meeting up. He then ended up getting angry saying I hated him and always have and he doesn't like me like that plus I'd done this before (I told him I was not single years ago when he messaged then) and i should just be honest. I deleted didnt reply because theres no point adding more fuel to the fire. Anyway he messaged again calling me rude etc. So i replied trying to again tell him why and be polite. Anyway I eventually got an apology and he explained things going on in his life (he'd had bad experiences with relationships, been stalked, had anxiety) so again I was nice, sympathised as ive had simular experiences but he still was constantly asking me if I wanted to talk as friends and kept repeating this. Alarm bells were ringing for me so in the end I told him no and blocked him. He did have one last word to insult me again, it was like everytime i told him no he went on the defence. I'm overthinking it now as I should have just said no and been blunt instead of trying to save someone's feelings. Did I handle this correctly?

I think that she feels like its mostly on her but I do a lot. I cook dinner every night, have her coffee from Starbucks every morning, take care of household tasks, plan vacations, take the kids to their storting events, ext. The financial stuff mostly does fall on her because she already had a lot of financial irons in the fire when we met and it's just easier for it to remain that way since she is more in tune with everything that's going on. That being said, we both work full time and think about the same amount so both of our paychecks go towards paying all of the bills. I do try and do as much as possible around the house, but I know she thinks its not enough.