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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I just found out he cheated with a guy a year ago. I feel so betrayed because he slept with someone else. He also didn’t mention it. I hate it because now I just look like a stupid woman. I thought we would be together forever because the relationship has been amazing. I listened to a phone call with his therapist because I heard him getting emotional in the other room so I listened to what he told them and I overheard him say he slept with a guy around year ago and how he’s been holding onto that guilt. I know that’s wrong but I wanted to know what was going on. I can’t believe he doesn’t even care about me and I care about him more than anything. This makes me feel physically sick. I’m not sure how to confront him. I can’t believe he doesn’t love me after all we’ve been through. I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach. What should I do?

Unfortunately, when you date really attractive people there is always going to be extra attention and either you get on board with it or find someone that doesn't instill this much insecurity.

Sounds like a bunch of sexting to someone that isn't all that into it.

About what, exactly? What made you angry about his reaction? You definitely don't, if you're picking fights over this. And you will. People only put up with this sort of thing for so long before they get tired of the drama. It's also a real turn-off and will eventually kill his attraction to you. You might not have any control over your feelings, but you absolutely do have control over how you respond to them. It's your response (causing drama) that is eroding the relationship, which your boyfriend has already warned you about.

He’s controlling. That’s what’s going on. He has no regard for you. Glad you blocked him. Don't let the appeal of someone being attractive and interested in you make you throw your self-respect out the window.

It sounds like the writer has no clue how to actually interest and keep a man.

He's a pimp grooming new girls to work for him.

I’m a man and I think this message is off-putting and cringeworthy, bordering on disturbing. Yes, most men desire passion, but passion isn’t a product that you have to advertise in a crude, cliche-ridden way, hoping for someone to buy it. Don’t talk about how passionate you are, that’s a turn off. Simply be passionate. Show, don’t tell.

Ehhhh honestly sounds like one of those messages you see when you check the Spam folder in your email and immediately regret it...

Well done. From everything you described here it was probably the right decision. Just a word of advice (although you may be well aware already, I wasn't in the past): don't try and make any commitments to "staying friends" etc. It's a tempting olive branch to soften the blow of the split but it really only makes thinks more painful in the end, it's better to just consciously cut the chord completely. Best of luck with the recovery, be kind to yourself.

Probably someone who is really doing it for her in bed. But it sticks out to me that the message in OP is all about sex and sexual fantasy. IMO if a girl is leading with fulfilling sexual desires rather than anything emotional its a sign that she doesnt feel she's got much more to offer and there probably isn't much of a basis to the relationship apart from that. I'm going on the assumption they've already slept together a few times. Sure, both parties might really enjoy the sex initially but if there's nothing beyond that the relationship is going to fizzle once the novelty and excitement has worn off a bit, and getting more racy with him isn't going to change that.

I also don't understand the "humiliation" of having to wear a full school uniform. If I saw someone in full school uniform on a weekend, I'd assume they were a high achiever who was representing the school in an event. That's something to be proud of!

I would imagine that the motive is that he enjoys humiliating others.

I think the author sounds desperate. And like she has the potential to be a bunny boiler and has an inflated sense of self importance. And has a binary view of what a "real man" wants. And what is a "real man" anyway?

I had a lawyer review it, and she was comfortable with it. I told her I wasn't comfortable asking my Dad to change anything since my brother has alleged that our Dad isn't competent. Even so, my Dad did add an exemption clause and a no-contest clause. Ultimately, if I were removed (I would have to be fired for cause, and the estate would cover my legal fees), it would save me a lot of stress, so even the 'worst case' scenario. I think it's mostly my relationship with my Dad that I'm worried about, and my ego that's wounded. I also appreciate your remarks about my Dad's agency. I don't think he's naive. There are just better things for us to discuss - my life is rich enough that talking about other people's personal failings with their nearest and dearest just isn't top of my agenda, and the ickiness of the thing makes it even less so. Point taken. It's important. Wish me luck talking with him.

It sounds like trying too hard. Like desperately throwing yourself at someone.

When someone isn't respecting your boundaries, saying crazy things to you and won't stop suggesting things that make you uncomfortable, that shouldn't be your cue to turn into an amateur psychologist and try to figure out their motivations. You end the relationship and cut contact. Your job is to protect yourself and your boundaries.

It sounds like he is probably a cuck, among other things. As in he enjoys the thought of watching you having sex with other men and by the sound of the stuff about getting blind drunk and sleeping with 100 men, a bit of a sadistic humiliation fetish thrown in. His kinks don't sound too healthy for you if you go along with them, so sounds like you can probably get away from this guy. If you are a bit kinky yourself find someone where its a bit more mutual and something safe for both participants.

Yeah. It's going to scare most guys off. If he feels this way about you it will be obvious and he'll be saying it himself. If you have to try and convince him, it will send him further the opposite direction. There's no context here but it reads like a classic situationship where you are crazy about this guy and he feels its a nice hookup but nothing more.

Yes, the repetition about what she would be wearing is strange. I went to a private school and wore a jacket and tie everyday. Wouldn't have been the least bit humiliating to have to come in on a Saturday in uniform. Btw: I was punished one time for doing some really foolish with some buddies. We were given a ton of work to do over multiple days on the school grounds. We weren't the least bit humiliated or angry about it. We knew the stunt we had conducted was wrong, and we figured the punishment was totally just. Nothing abusive about it.

Look, I'm a guy and I am outgoing and say good things about the male and female (and non-binary) baristas I encounter at my local coffee shop. I ask them questions. I ask them about their weekends, upcoming and past. I ask about their families. I do this with the entire crew, morning and afternoon. Yes, slightly more with women. I am not flirting. Not even close. I'm a good small-talker. I'm a former reporter and I am a trained listener who knows how to ask questions that often make the other person feel seen. I think you define any interaction as flirting. Any time a woman says boo to your man, you think it's flirting. What to do? If you are serious, get to therapy. There is some deep insecurity going on. So strong that you can’t stop it even as you know it’s going to destroy a relationship you want. The alternative is to break up with him. I'm not being sarcastic when I say this because if you continue you WILL drive him away. I had a super jealous partner once and after a while, I didn't want to sleep with her. Her insecurity was suffocating. Attraction requires some distance so that the two people can come together. Question: is this the first time you've had this fear when dating? My bet is no.

the two examples you just gave are people that are in customer service oriented jobs that acted nice toward your boyfriend. that doesn't even suggest flirting more than they are doing their job and being friendly.

it sounds like you're way more into this than him and that you're trying to convince a guy to give you a chance.

Hmmm ... maybe consult with an estate attorney just to make sure you have all your ducks lined up in case brother and others challenge you as fiduciary. And you really might want to share what's going on with your father. This is your father's estate. He wanted you to manage it. Therefore, if there is a challenge to you, there is a challenge to him. Parents aren't as naive as we might imagine. It’s time to defend your position or to be ready to defend your position. You’re not driving a wedge between a parent and a kid. Your father is a full and responsible adult. That framing of things assumes that your father is an idiot with no agency. Parents are quite aware of the capabilities and strengths and weaknesses of their various children (not that they’re always right). Trust me: theres a 99.999 percent chance your father knows all about this son who is creating the mess. Why do you think your dad skipped naming him fiduciary?!

My older brother and I had been out of touch for about 20 years. He was busy with family, I was busy with my career, and due to the age difference and that we live far apart, we were just never that close. He got in touch after his wife caught him cheating and then filed for divorce about 3 years ago. He wanted me to validate his perspective, but I told him it was between him and his wife, and I couldn't triangulate with him. He's also asked me for money and favors a few times in the past and then blamed me for not 'reminding him' to repay me or help me out when I asked. He never repaid me or returned the courtesy. About a year ago, my brother learned that I am the fiduciary on our father's estate. After 15 years working for other people, I have managed my own business for the past 8. I have a PhD in molecular biology and a master's degree in clinical psychology. I own my own home, free and clear. Basically, I'm competent, mentally and financially. I caught my brother sharing our father's medical information with friends and family and confronted him directly. He claimed ignorance even though I had hard data (text messages between him and another person). Our father has been quite private about his health problems, though he sometimes asks me to explain how drugs work since it's my area of expertise. I don't ask many questions because it's not my business unless he elects to share. After asking my brother not to share that info with me or anyone else, I've now caught him trashing me to our father, saying I'm not competent to manage his estate. When our father said that he knew better, he started telling our stepmother. She's sweet, but dumb, and she repeated this to anyone who would listen. I confronted her about it, telling her, "It really hurt my feelings when someone repeats something like that, especially without asking my side of things," and she got too defensive to have a conversation. This is pretty typical for her, she's not good at regulating her own emotions. My brother denied it when I confronted him, saying that our father and stepmother are "too senile" to know what's happening, and yet he persists in trying to get our father to name him executor of the estate. Our father is quite present - he's weak from chemo, but his mind is fully intact. Recently, I've been fielding phone calls from family and family friends that I'm not competent to manage our father's estate, that I'm neglecting him as a caregiver, etc. I don't have the power of attorney or any other legal guardianship over our father. None of these people has asked my side of the story; to me, it is clear they are advancing my brother's agenda. I haven't said much about it to our father. I think there's something really vile about driving a wedge between a parent and their child, and even though that's what my brother is doing to me, I don't want to feed that cycle. I'm at a point where I don't want to talk to my brother at all and I know if I say that (most of our conversations are in writing - I don't trust him to have a phone call and portray it honestly) he'll use it as ammunition, even if there's context. I'm contemplating telling our father and calling a few of the people I said, "That's an interesting rumor" to, to see if they'd be willing to hear my side of things, but I usually ignore gossip and avoid feeding the cycle. Is that overkill? Will it make me seem unhinged? How could it validate my brother's campaign? What have you done in this situation? I can document my text conversations with my brother and the handful of interactions I've had in which people scolded me, but I usually avoid people once they reveal themselves to be part of the gossip. There are two flavors of really gross people who gossip - the manipulators and those who lack discernment (usually not discerning enough to get both sides of the story, but also in failing to ask themselves whose agenda they're advancing in repeating that gossip). I don't mind tossing out the handful of people who might be real gems who gossip just to avoid the other 2 sorts, if that makes sense. It means there's not much data there, and my brother isn't dumb. He always pushes to have these conversations over the phone with me, and I'm sure does that with others just for the plausible deniability. Talking to my Dad is going to be really hard - I really hate the idea of saying anything bad about my brother to his own father. I'm starting to think it's necessary, I'm just worried about how my brother will weaponize whatever I do or don't do. It will be emotional for me because of the betrayal aspects, and that's hard to navigate in the moment. TL:DR My brother has been undermining me. I haven't said anything. I don't want to feed the cycle, but I'm pretty introverted, and people who don't know me well are siding with him. It's having real effects on my life.