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I'm not sure what's there to decide. Even posting here, I'm sure you realise this needs to stop. Pack up your things and go. Even being on the street is better than dealing with this a**h***. He may have bipolar or something of that nature because of his changing behaviours. If this continues, who knows what he will do. Do not wait too long. Settle everything you need quietly and move. Ironically, that's when he will come back begging and being all nice. But do not give in, as he will not change.

While @LoveQ raises a lot of excellent points, I don’t think the main issue here is your purported complacency. Assuming that your ex is about your age, you both started dating when you were extremely young. At that age, people don’t have much experience and sooner or later doubts about what life would be with other partners become pervasive. Young people just tend to get infatuated quickly and, correspondingly, lose that feeling quickly. She stayed with you for over five years, that’s a very impressive achievement at that age and a good experience for you. The chances of you two staying with each other for life would have been low even if you’d been the most attentive, consistently romantic partner ever.

You need to leave him. Call a domestic abuse hotline and find out what your options are.

What exactly is a weak jaw...? What social settings are you talking to these women in? Are you attending meetups and social events, or are you literally chatting up strangers who are trying to buy their groceries?

Yes, unfortunately, this is likely the case. I would wager that she's got her eye on someone or crossed a line with someone on her night out. OP, to be fair, you were quite young when you two started dating. I have been where you are and this is often what happens when one person outgrows the relationship. It really hurts, I realize, but it's also quite normal that such relationships have an expiration date.

How many jobs have you been let go from? What is your line of work? The fact that you're implying you've been let go from multiple jobs suggests that there is indeed something wrong with your attitude or that you are in some very unusual line of work in which regular layoff are the norm.

this is the standard line that everyone uses. she wants to be single so she can see other people. time to cut ties and block her and let her have that.

Right, it can happen that someone just strikes you like lightning, they make you feel like youve never met anyone with a connection like that etc etc. But you have to take a reality pill that after 1, 2, 3 or even 10 dates you dont really know them yet. It generally takes at least a couple of months of regular exposure to someone to start getting an idea if you are really compatible and could work as an item. Early dating is about screening while enjoying their company and finding out what they are all about. Anyone already jumping to the end and assuming marriage, a dog a house in the country and 2.5 kids is setting themselves up for a pretty hard fall if the feeling is not mutual. Even if it is, this forum is littered with posts about "we went crazy for eachother, spent every day together and suddenly they pulled away, why?". Rushing anything means that when reality hits, someone is generally going to pull back because it's too much, too soon.

It sounds like something happened on that night out and she realized she couldn't in good faith continue the relationship. I'm sorry.

Your job as a man in a relationship is to always keep the spark going. Let me clarify, both partners need to do that, but women in relationships will leave the reins in your hands and go with the flow. It's on you to decide what you do with those reins. In this case, you became complacent, and she lost attraction for you. Most men become complacent. My friend recently broke up with his long-term fiancée the same way. He started to play video games, sit around the house doing nothing and just go to work. Whereas before he was doing sports, running, eating healthy, etc. So this is a good lesson for the future. Be it with that same girl or with another girl. Always be on your toes and work on yourself. I think women are more important than men, because if there were no women, we would get way more complacent, and we would essentially be like children. Women do stuff like this to tell us, "You've become no different from a toddler. Wake up and change." Breakup is the ultimate people changer.

Thanks that means a lot. yeah ultimately I think we did become a bit complacent towards the end in the sense we were almost like roommates and losing our closeness meant she no longer wanted to be with me. It sucks this was never communicated to me but yeah it’s done now and I have to move on

Sorry to hear you're going through that. Breakups are terrible, but they are also a great chance to work on yourself and evolve as a person. No matter how corny that sounds, it's very true, and this is your chance to shine. Now, I'm seeing a few things here. Most of the relationships fail because one side loses attraction for the other side; that's almost always the case. What happens after depends on what the person is like and what they will do with that lack of attraction. Some monkey branch to another person, some cheat and then decide to leave, and some just leave after being distant. Don't think this just happened in two days. She was thinking about it for quite some time, weighing the options and closely monitoring your behaviour. Ultimately, her attraction fell low enough for her to leave you. I've seen people get engaged, and in a week, the partner says it's not working anymore and leaves. Spur of the moment decision, like her calling you her husband, does not mean she was madly in love; it just means she likely wasn't ready to have that conversation with you yet and decided to go with the flow. It's a very stressful decision, and most people just postpone it as much as they can. Now, something definitely happened at that work drink. Either she cheated, or she confided in her colleagues about your relationship, and they told her to leave you. A pattern break is usually a bad sign. If she always wishes you a good night and suddenly she didn't, then comes home distant, that means the work drink was definitely something that she planned and was the deciding factor for your relationship. Forgetting to wish you good night could either mean she was already starting to disassociate from you in her head, or was really stressed about breaking up with you, so she forgot. Remember, when a person is walking a tight rope, one light push is enough for them to fall down. In the case of relationships, when a person is weighing the options to leave their partner, one light comment from their friends is enough for them to make the decision to break up with their partner. I've seen it in numerous cases. You're indecisive about staying in a relationship, you talk to your friends, they tell you to leave that person and give you the reason why, and suddenly you arrive at the decision that you DO want to break up with them. Yes, she lost attraction as I said above, and it came to the point where she couldn't take it anymore. The "time alone to reflect on what she wants from a relationship" is probably bullshit; she just wants to go out, have fun, maybe date around to see if she likes it more and then decide what to do with you. It was a 5-year relationship. By this point, she should already know what she wants from a relationship; calling you her husband a couple of days before that just proves even more that it is bullshit. Do not hold on to hope, as that is a recipe for disaster. This is a perfect chance for you to show her what she is missing. I know it's hard, trust me. Being heartbroken is the second worst thing ever, first being losing a parent. I always hated when somebody used to give me advice to move on and work on myself when I was younger, but after spending years in psychology, reading about relationships, working in that field and testing things, I realised that it is true. Go out, have fun with people close to you, learn a new hobby, learn a new skill, concentrate on your work and do NOT reach out. She is the one who wanted this breakup, not you. Ergo, this relationship is not on your terms anymore. Whenever a relationship is not on your terms, you distance yourself. Let her know that if she changes her mind, she can contact you, and do not text her again for any reason whatsoever. She lost attraction, so you need to build that attraction again. Ironically, that distance and you putting your foot down, being ready to walk away, is exactly what's going to get her attraction back up. You texting her and smothering her won't. One last thing. Dumpees always think that dumpers don't care about them, and hence, you get comments like: "Look how happy they are. I can't believe they already forgot about me." But that is not true at all. Dumpers are also sad, but they hold the power at that moment. They are confused, so they do things out of the ordinary, like changing a haircut, trying out a new style, etc. It's that adrenaline phase, they are free to do what they want. During that phase, they are also, no matter how hard it is to believe that, keeping an eye on you and seeing if you've changed and if you've become more attractive. That adrenaline phase stops after a few months, and then they truly put everything on the table and decide whether to try again, or they love life more without you. If, in that time, you were smothering them, chasing them and texting them, then you know what they will decide. If you left them alone, worked on yourself and became a better version of yourself, you've increased your chances. Best of luck.

I (24M) have really been struggling with a breakup that occurred just over 3 weeks ago. We were together for 5 1/2 years and really were the “it” relationship in our circles. We rarely ever argued and always had a healthy approach to any problems or disagreements in our life. I never doubted our love and commitment to each other as we had survived long distance at university and always talked about future plans (marriage, children etc). Just 4 days before she broke up with me we had booked a very expensive dream trip abroad and she had also recently got me a Valentine’s Day card calling me her husband and reaffirming her commitment to me. 2 days before she broke up with me she went out for work drinks as she usually does on a Thursday. She didn’t wish me goodnight as usual and stayed around a friends but this wasn’t something completely out of the ordinary. The next day her texts were very distant and I asked her if everything was ok to which she replied that I had done nothing wrong and that she was just feeling hungover/a bit sad. I said we would talk about it when the next day and the same night she went to a friends house to which she said she opened up about her feelings to her. The evening of the next day I show up to her house with chocolates and flowers as she said she was feeling down. I spoke with her parents briefly and everything seemed normal until I went into her room and could see she looked devastated. I asked her what was wrong and she asked if we could talk after dinner. This kind of took me a back so i asked her if she was going to break up with me and she said she didn’t know. We both burst into floods of tears to which she told me how she hasn’t felt the same recently and felt we had been growing distant and could no longer act like everything was normal. I begged her to work through things but she said she couldn’t promise anything as she didn’t know why she was feeling this way and didn’t want to give me false hope. I was obviously devastated and left her place pretty quickly as it was all too much to take. She messages me later saying how heartbroken she is and how she wishes she doesn’t feel this way and wanted another chance to talk. We met again and she explained how she felt we lost our spark and that she doesn’t know why and wanted time alone to reflect on what she wants from a relationship. She said her feelings were making her scared of commitment and how she needed time to be single and outside of a relationship. I still wasn’t given a reason as to why we lost feelings but will say that our relationship had become less intimate and close in the past few months. This was never communicated to me as an issue and I just saw it as a result of various life factors (trips with friends work etc.). It also wasn’t something that I don’t believe we couldn’t work on. she ultimately said she doesn’t know how she may feel in a few months and may regret this decision but feels she is right in wanting time and space and didn’t want me to wait in hope she may want us back. I’m obviously heartbroken and confused but caught in this awful place between hoping after a few months she will realise what we had and reach out but also the need to move on.

Someone who is secure and has more options is going on dates, waiting and deciding, taking their time with the decision. Someone who doesn't is insecure, jealous and wants to lock the other person in as quickly as possible and thinks that the behaviour they are exhibiting is normal and they should be the only person the other side is seeing. They almost feel entitled to being the only person the other side is dating. Essentially, thinking that after 1 date, they are exclusive. For secure people with options, that's just not even on their mind. They don't focus on that. They focus on making the right decision. Imagine walking into the store to buy pasta, and buying the first pack you see without even checking the price, the quality, or the size. That's how dating is for anxious attachment styles. They choose anyone, just so they are not alone. So yes, if he is dating another girl (which he has every right to do so after only 3 dates), he will definitely choose somebody else, maybe even soon. If he is not dating anybody else, he might go with her, but I'm 100% sure this will not last, as she is very insecure, and he doesn't seem to be, judging by everything she wrote. Likely, he will just get bored with the constant neediness.

Right. Also if he is dating another girl, what of it? Youve been on 3 dates. You are both entitled to be seeing other people. Getting upset that he hasn't quickly fallen in love with you sounds a bit entitled on your part. And he is more likely to be drawn to a girl who is comfortable seeing where things go and exploring if you are a good match, than someone who is trying to pressure him to be "the one" so early on.

You shouldn't even be concerned about the texting part; he is actually doing you a favour there. Him not texting you is NOT an indication that he doesn't like you. I don't constantly spam text girls I go on dates with as well. Why are texts important to you? Seems to me you just want to keep him on a short leash and know what he's doing all the time. How is he in real life? That's the most important thing, and you said it's going really well. He seems decisive, and he seems to be leading, which is a good sign. Why waste the conversation on texts when you can be meeting and talking in real life? It's more of a red flag to me that you're "a little concerned" that he hasn't told you he's in love with you yet. It's been 3 dates. Judging by all this, and after reading your other replies about you marrying him and thinking he has another woman going on because he's not texting you, I'd say he is actually the more mature one, and you may have an anxious attachment style, which will make it difficult for you, as anything he does will make you more insecure. If he were the one posting here about you, I'd immediately tell him to move on. My best advice for you is to work on your insecurities and then try dating.

I guarantee you that at just 22yo, he is not even thinking of marriage with you or anyone else.

I have friends who settled down with their first girlfriend, and stayed with her despite it being clear to everyone around them that it was toxic and not working, probably out of a fear that nobody else would have them. I also have friends who are in the same situation and while its impossible to be sure from an outside perspective, they seem to have a very loving deep relationship that they have been able to develop a lot because they have been together since they are teenagers. Is there a thought of "what if" because they have never been with anyone else? Of course, Id be shocked if such couples never asked themselves that question. But I think its wrong to plant a seed in OP's head that this one won't work out because he is young and inexperienced and needs to "play the field" first. Sure, most relationships won't lead to marriage and a long term commitment, thats true in general. But IMO every relationship including a first one should be lived in the moment and if its working well then its working well, there is no need to put a dampener on it for silly reasons such as the fact that on average most first relationships dont work out. Many dont, some do, OP should just let it breathe with an optimistic outlook and see where it goes.

Throughout my school years and the rest of my life, it never occurred to me that I needed a concrete motive to speak with someone. Sometimes it's just a random impulse to make a joke or a flippant comment, or I'm just in a good mood to greet a person who happened to be sitting there. Repeated exposure can turn such shared moments into something one or both people start looking forward to, and this can organically evolve into a friendship. It's how most school friendships start, and most people can't even remember the first time they met a given friend, much less 'why' they began a conversation.

Ask them. You won't believe us when we say, friendships occur in all kinds of combinations. So you're saying that all that matters is your weight. Nothing else matters, you're saying? Not your brains, not your listening skill, not your humor, not your warmth or friendliness? The only thing that matters is your weight?! You really believe that? BTW: a close friend of mine is hugely overweight and has women falling in love with him all the time. He's funny, he's open minded, he's a good listener. He loves good conversation. Talk to them. Ask them this question.

I agree. Unless your culture imposes a strict obligation to marry anyone you date, I don't see a problem with both people opting not to date others while dating one another. That's a small degree of the commitment with low risk beyond learning whether it's a good match for you or not. Exactly. It makes no sense.

Sorry, I meant to say would you find it merciful?

Hello everyone. My daughter is planning to apply for a bachelor’s degree in the U.S., and the University at Buffalo is one of her main choices. We would like to better understand what requirements international students need to meet for admission. In particular, we are interested in application deadlines so we can plan everything on time. Any advice or clarification would be very helpful.

When I was in year 7 my friends and I tried to befriend a quiet girl because a teacher noticed that she was all alone and asked us to try. I think the teacher recognised us as being good kids. Unfortunately we couldn't get her to have a conversation so after a week or so, we moved on. Perhaps this is what happened to you, except you were able to talk and became friends with them. The only way to truly know is to ask M

So, i've been friends with two girls for nearly 4 years now, and im one of those who overthink everything and im having a pretty bad time as of lately so my minds just been going crazy about this for some reason. some quick information about me for clarification. I used to be pretty dang overweight and honestly just not a good looking guy, which is when this started in 7th grade. very alone most of the time, don't like making friends because it never tends to go well because of how i am as a person. so i nearly always was alone in school between classes and such. had no kind of self esteem (still don't) i suck at talking to people, as im not only depressed and anxious due to growing up with instable parents and having to grow up insanely quickly and do most things myself like food, even laundry, and such after the age of 5 when my parents divorced and split apart. Emotions is a massive hassle to me too, i have trouble understanding many things when people talk, and according to a therapist i was at they said i likely was a part of the autism spectrum. body language, and all that i don't really understand whatsoever, until someone like specifically tells me they are mad, or whatever if you understand. im kinda just very awkward because of my lack of social interaction with people to be honest. so back to my confusion, in 7th grade (soon 5 years ago) ill call them M and E for short, started trying to talk to me randomly inbetween classes when i was sitting alone waiting for class to start (was mostly just M who talked though and E just joined in as they were friends). I instinctively thought they were just wanting to mess with me, as they are both above average good looking girls and my awkwardness, and all other shitf***ery i have just told me they wanted to make fun of me like everyone usually do, so i just ignored them for a good year basically. but in late 7th / early 8th grade they kept trying to talk to me, but changed their approach and seemed more sincere i guess so i took my headphones off for once and listened. and we ended up kinda becoming friends pretty quick after they kept talking to me inbetween classes. so from 8th grade and all the way through 9th grade we three, nearly always worked together and were allowed to go to a smaller group room most classes to work alone. and we talked about everything, usually hung out between classes and since me and M, nearly always skipped PE, we would sit on the side watching the rest of the class and just chat. i just can't understand why these girls became friends with me, a fat wierd quiet kid. not sure if it was just a random thing but M, which i'd say im better friends with than E, didn't know what gymnasium(highschool in europe) she was gonna pick after 9th grade, so she asked me where i was going to go, and chose the same school as me, and managed to get into the same class as me for the first year. now, after losing over 34 kg of weight, i feel much better about myself still wouldnt say im a good looking person, still got another 10 kg before i don't get ashamed of looking at myself shirtless, im very insecure and stuff, but im 18 now, and just thinking, i understand most of everything, but this specifically has always kinda haunted me because i don't understand their motive. way back in 7/8th grade. were they friends with me because they could vent to me? we talked a lot, but they also listened to me, so all of us were engaged in the conversations it wasnt just onesided. im massively grateful for M, because she was one of my only friends through middleschool and we are still friends, and her being pretty extroverted, atleast in school when she wasn't alone, i made some friends because she introduced us both to a group of other kids first day of gymnasium. and i'd probably be still walking around alone if we never talked back in middleschool. but im just confused as to what could have made her want to be my friend / talk to me. I know this is a pretty wierd thing to post most likely, but this is just something ive always been confused about, and i just felt i wanted to get it off of my chest. tell me im stupid all you want but its just really never clicked in my head as to why she would even talk to me at all in the first place.