All Activity

We’ve now officially broken up and I feel awful. Not due to the break up itself as it’s probably for the best, but how I’ve been treated and how stressful it has been.

She's not interested. Unless you are genuinely cool being just friends and no longer fancy her dont hang around like a bad smell just to provide her with attention.

Sorry to hear that mate. A strange twist of fate that you discovered what was going on in the end. Its will certainly sting but at least it gives you some closure and you can move on with no regrets.

Generally, there is nothing wrong or suspicious in this level of friendship and communication between a woman and a man for whom she has no romantic feelings. However, since you did have romantic intentions towards her and she is aware of that, I think that she is either feeling guilty and trying to “compensate” you by being extra friendly, or perhaps keeping you as an option, a backup variant, last resort in case her dating life goes awry. In either case, I think you should distance yourself from her, since it appears that you’re still harboring some hope. She isn’t interested in you romantically and is either just being nice in an apologetic way or is being manipulative and using you.

so maybe 5-6 months ago i went on a blind date with a girl. we went out twice and while it was fun and we both had a good time i got hit with the dreaded well i had a good time but i just dont think i feel that romantic connection.... and i was like it sucks to hear but understand thanks for telling me instead of ghosting and best of luck and didnt really think much else of it whatever. about a month after that i randomly texted her with no intent. our 2nd date was a cooking class and i just said something like im putting the skills from class to use. she texted me back saying omg im glad your using them and im so glad you decided we can stay friends. i didnt say that but we texted a couple more times during the day but i just let the conversation die. well around Christmas is where things kind of get idk for me so after not talking to her since that two weeks before Christmas she reaches out to me saying how did it go with my ex and if i was going to the holiday party (mutual connection was having a holiday party) i wasnt i was going to my neighbors but we agreed to go get lunch before hand. we meet up and she just tells me about dating and how she was going out with someone ect... asked me if i was and when i said i had a thrid date with someone she wished me luck. nothing to special but i was like whatever. im cool being friends but im not going to go out of my way to talk to her or hang out. since then she seems very invested in telling me about her dating life. she tells me it didnt work out with that guy. oh i have 3 dates planed this week and then just randomnly texts me telling me they didnt work out. how mine went. its always here initiating asking me and letting me know. while not a clear and obvious sign it still makes you raise your eyebrows and question things. well over the last two days she sent me a picture of someone she knew and asked if i wanted her number and we actually got lunch yesterday and she told me she was going on a second date with someone she was excited about. great i have my answer shes not interested in anything more nice. well maybe not a few hours after we went our own ways she sends me text saying she had a good time she goes do you like classical music (i have no opinions on it either way) and then a screenshot of the listing from the ticket site so it was pretty obvious what the next question was. like why are you inviting me? out of all the people you ask to go with you you ask the guy who you have seen twice in the last 5-6 months, the guy who never initiates contact with you. why not ask someone whos a better or closer friend? why not ask they guy you were excited about going on a second date with? like it jsut dosent make sense 2 plus 2 isnt equaling for. i really dont know if im overthinking things. while being so over invested on keeping me so updated on your dating life or inviting me out isnt like a eureka moment on its own. multiple questionable things combine say otherwise. like its almost coming off like shes telling me about dates to see how i react or to get a rise/ reaction out of me , and gauging if im available. like is it reasonable to be thinking how i am about the situation?

I'm just going to close this off. We have split up. We spoke on the weekend and it didn't go well, she doubled down on the accusations I was cheating. I told her I was really offended and we're done. She said let's try to save it but it was lame and it really sounded like she was just placating me. I told her I was going to a mates place and I'll sleep in the guest room when I get back and we'll have to work out all the financials at another time. I didn't really have anywhere to go, I just had to get out, so I was just driving around and then I see her car out the front of a house. I had to know who so I waited in the carpark across the road and she came out about two hours later with a guy and they are obviously together, he kissed her as she got into the car. I really wish I took a photo but I didn't even think. So at least now I know why and I know I dodged a bullet. Thanks everyone for giving me someone to vent to and bounce thoughts off. I'll probably be back again as I navigate the dating scene for the first time in a long time. I'm not looking forward to it.

I understand that you love them, but do they truly love you? They harass you about your private life, put enormous pressure on you, undermine your confidence, make you feel bad about yourself. Their behavior damages your spiritual and mental health, and perhaps physical health as well. I’m sorry, but this is emotional abuse. You shouldn’t tolerate it and continue subjecting yourself to it.

OP, don't get into the habit of carrying the weight of an entire relationship on your shoulders. You're not a martyr. If the other person decides to put their part of the load down, stop, put your part down too, and allow the relationship to die a natural death. It sounds like the two of you have only been together for a brief time, so you may not know what she is truly like. Perhaps what you're seeing right now is who she genuinely is. Her actions are telling you she doesn't want to be with you, so respect her boundaries, respect yourself, and let her go.

I messed up. Bad. Real bad. I have no excuses. I did it. I was wrong. All I want to know is can I save my relationship. Any advice appreciated. My bf of 4 yrs has wanted to have a 3sum with another man for 3 years and after years of talking and making rules we did it a month ago and then again last week. The first time went great but I messed up the second time. I ignored the rules and he’s so angry. We had a rule that no cum on face and that was respected by the guy but in the moment I just didn’t think and kept scooping it up from my belly and tasting it. I have no excuse. I knew the rule. I was just so horny and wanted to taste it. I totally disrespected my bf. He won’t touch me. He won’t kiss me. The only words he will say to me any time I try to talk is you swallowed his cum. He’s sleeping on the couch. But he’s still here so maybe that’s a good sign. All I want to know is there any chance coming back from this and if there is what advice to get there.

Unfortunately, you’re projecting your wishes on reality. Just because you want him to change doesn’t mean that he wants to. People who deserve a second chance are easily identified by their willingness to earn that second chance. They are being humble and genuinely remorseful. They actually do things that show you that they are gradually changing. Was this the case with that man? Not at all. Observe his “explanation” of his many-tiered lies and acts of betrayal: “I’m a man. Men do stupid things”. This is the reaction of a school kid, not a man. A kid who is unwilling to change because he thinks he is already great, and whatever crap he does is not really his fault. He hasn’t even arrived at the first stage, admission of guilt. If he said, “That one is totally on me, I screwed up. I’m so sorry”, at least that would have been a start. Instead, he keeps feeding you one lame excuse after another. And for some reason you’re fine with that. Why would you think that a person who shows no remorse and no desire to become better will change? Why would you give a second chance to a person who hasn’t even reached the basic level of maturity required to admit and own their actions?

I really don't know what's going on with my girlfriend and I need help navigating this. So we met a few months ago and become official in mid october. We hung out alot and enjoyed each others presence. However though, she fell into a depression in early december and started missing classes and ended up dropped out. I noticed around this time she became a bit to distant. When we texted, she seemed kinda annoyed at everything I'd say. She even got annoyed when I told her I'm here for her and to talk to me if she ever needs anything. We both went home for winter break for about a month and that entire time she would take a long time to respond to my texts and was still annoyed with me for no reason. When she got back she moved into an apartment 15 minutes away. I figured we could still keep our relationship going because I have a car. So when I get back I asked if she wants to hang out, and she did not seem to have any urge to want to see me. I said we don't have to hang out and she said its fine and to pick her up. she didn't say much in the car drive, and when we got to my dorm she was just on her phone the whole time and didn't really want to talk to me or even look at me. I put my hand on her shoulder and she moved away and said she didn't want to be touched. (I do respect her boundaries if she doesn't want to be touched, but I found it real odd that after not seeing each other for a month, she doesn't even want my hand on her shoulder.) I gave her my christmas gift and doordashed her some food, and didn't seem appreciative at all. I was planning on having her spend the night, but she instead wanted to get an uber (which is like $30) instead of me driving her home the next day. I walked her out to the uber and she said bye in a very low effort tone and didn't even look at me while she was getting in the car. While we were hanging out I asked if she was okay or if she was mad at me and she said no. I really don't know what I did wrong this whole relationship. I will admit, I'm not the best communicator, as I don't have relationship experience, but I never said anything mean or hurtful to her. I understand this is a difficult time for her as she doesn't currently have a job, and clearly has depression, but I can't tell why she's acting this way. So my main question is, what should I say to her after a night like that? and how should I proceed? Because it's so clear that she's not the same person from when I first met her. I'm not saying I want to break up, but I don't know where to go from here. Thank you for listening

It's an adult resort...clothing being an option, alcohol consumption, inhibitions are going to be down. He's obviously going to entertain it, so what the hell do you expect? That's the whole point of going to this type of resort.

Sorry about that. I tend to obsess over detail, so I can get long winded at times. We aren't together. It ended after I questioned him again about the cheating. He couldn't handle the shame I guess. Part of me hasn't let go yet and that's the part of me that's wondering if there's anything worth salvaging. Or like you said, maybe I just need to cut my loses.

He did tell me about the Napoleon complex early on because our height difference seemed to bother him when I really didn't think it was that serious. The male chauvinist part, I didn't find out until a few months in.

You are correct in each bullet point (and I'm definitely seeking a new therapist.) I guess I hold onto the hope that someone will change for the better, along with believing some people deserve a second chance.

I have a cousin who's lived happily with her partner for 40 years without any issues from our large Catholic family. She simply doesn't discuss her private sex life with anyone whom she chooses not to know about it. Gay pride doesn't deprive you of discretion. You needn't be bullied into making any announcements you don't wish to make. Your wedding can be as private or public as you choose. Intrusive questions about your life don't require answers. You can say, "Thanks for your concern. When I wish to discuss such things, I'll let you know." Or, "Thank you for the suggestion, I will consider it..." Then redirect the conversation, and deflect any negative pressures with a request for the same degree of respect for privacy you're willing to offer to them. You're an adult, and tribal pressure isn't something you 'must' endure or engage. You can draw your own lines, repurpose your faith as you see fit, create the kind of nuclear family you wish to create, and adopt loving people into your sphere as your additional 'family'. Meanwhile, you can respect the limits of those you love without a need for a face-off on who is 'right' about how you live your life. That's a useless wheelspin, and it's entirely unnecessary. We can't change others. We can accept them just as we wish to be accepted by them, and this may require overlooking what we regard as their flaws just as we require them to pipe down over whatever they may regard as flaws in us. Not everyone must love everything about everyone else. There's no law to impose that, only our own fantasies and idealism becoming tyrannical. If you can gut-check your ego, it doesn't need to get in your way. Head high, and enjOy your loving partner.

Not sure how legit this thread is. The poster hasn't even logged onto the site since the day they made this thread and they signed up that very same day.

From everything that I've read, it sounds like YOU need to disown THEM. Don't let them beat you to it. Guilt from a conservative and hard upbringing can certainly be difficult to free yourself from. This is something that a good therapist can help you with. You need to be free of your abusive family first though, because if they are still constantly hammering you with religious guilt-tripping, there's nothing that you or a therapist can do.

I mean, you could have saved yourself all the pain (and saved us from reading the next 1000 words) by believing what he said about himself and kicking him to the curb... Seriously, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. And he's certainly backed up his words with actions too... So what's the quandary here? You obviously need to leave, and you need to do it right now. Yes it will hurt like all relationships do when they end, but the pain is only temporary, whereas the pain that this particular dreg of society will cause you will be neverending. Future you will be very thankful that you cut him loose, trust me.

The thing is we didn’t communicate about the value of the bet- I announced the prize thinking that I would not lose to her and so I don’t have to give anything anyway but on the other hand she had it in her mind what she wanted after she won and even how she would put me down as she told after beating me she even watched some low blow clips of famous female wrestlers before the match which I wasn’t aware of that she was fully prepared. If I win on the rematch I would have to give her 1k but if she wins then I have to give her 3k which she’s saying that she will win again.

There's nothing bad or abnormal about kissing 6 guys and being with 3 in a year. That's completely normal for a young person who's in the dating world. Your family has really brainwashed you and done a lot of damage to you in making you feel like you need to judge yourself so badly like this. You need to heal from all the damage your family has done to you and get rid of their judgmental voices inside your head. But it's good that you do recognize it and are starting to move in the right direction towards living your life.

Assuming this is real. How am I supposed to know if she'd win or not?

I am trying to do a rematch raising the money to 4k if she wins. What you think she will win or, not?

Don't be a sore loser. And don't make bets that you can't follow through on.

Your family is completely emotionally abusive. They shouldn't be telling you what to do with your love life/dating/marriage. I would never tolerate a family member thinking they can control my life like that, I would be disowning THEM if they tried that. Tell your family about this, proudly and openly. If they react with negativity, hate, or judgment then they are showing you who THEY are. If their reaction is to disown you then they don't love you. You are better off without this toxic abuse in your life. Don't tolerate it.