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“Other chick”? You mean his wife? You said he went to spend the holiday with this wife. In the message above, you wrote that he was single. Which is it? If he’s still married, what on Earth are you trying to do here? Remove him from your life and find a single man who’d only be with you.

How do you really expect a married man to have a "relationship" with you. You already have one. A sexual relationship with crumbs thrown in between. A FWB.

When the excuses don't add up to why a person doesn't want to be with you the answer is simple. He's just not feeling you in the way that matters to him and there is literally nothing you can do to change this. You should have ended it with him the moment he told you he didn't feel a spark for you. What he's looking for is passion and he isn't feeling it with you. Let him go so you can find a man who does.

I don't know if it's beneficial to be analyzing a third party relationship where neither party is even here. It's like responding to hearsay of hearsay of hearsay (you saying what she says about what her husband says)... Is that even useful? That being said, there are lots of possibilities here. One is that he doesn't want the same things she does (e.g. kids) but she pushed her own desires on him and he caved in because he doesn't have strong boundaries. Another is that, like you said, she doesn't believe that she deserves a more compatible partner because she has low self esteem. Or it could be both, or neither, or there's something going on in their relationship that we don't even know about.

This is a lot of analysis for a 3 month long relationship. Why are you even so invested in this? Why are you jumping through so many mental hoops to try and explain this to yourself? The early dating stages are precisely for determining whether or not you feel chemistry between the two of you. You can't know for sure that they are the right person for you so early on... But you can definitely know that they are the WRONG person. Once you know that they are wrong, what's the point in dragging things out? He's doing the right thing IMO. If he doesn't feel it, he doesn't feel it. Far better that he be honest with you now than string you along. Also stop twisting yourself into pretzels trying to figure out "what's wrong with you" - it's very possible that nothing is wrong (except for the fact that you seem to get attached very very quickly), you just don't have chemistry together.

I’ve just always subscribed to the narrative that we have a very special connection but he’s emotionally unavailable / scared and thus hides behind other women. How many men are home w their wife & children for a holiday but texting another woman bc they’re mad she didn’t respond to his “wyd?” in 4 hrs?

His other chick? You mean his wife. The woman he is married to and shares children with. I personally don't have much sympathy for you. You know he is married and you choose to involve yourself. You know he was cheating on his ex-girlfriend with you and you chose to get involved. Where is your accoutability for your own poor behaviour?

So why don't you just make a clean break, and officially break it off with him. Who cares what he wants? You need to take control of your life and do what's best for you.

I’m trying to take your good advice. Since he went back to Cali to spend the holiday w his wife and kids, I haven’t been messaging him and am setting up dates w other men. But he got mad at me bc I hadn’t responded to him asking what I was up to after like 4 hours. I said this wasn’t a nice text to receive- you wanted to be w your wife for the holiday, so I’m enjoying mine & being unplugged from my phone. He just didn’t respond? Does he want me to chase him? What a hypocrite, being mad and not responding bc I didn’t respond to a text right away when he thinks he can spend a whole holiday w his other chick

What sort of texts have you sent her?

Is is the primrary reason didn't work out. It's not something that can be "overcome."

It’s not an issue, it’s the issue. What do you mean “overcome”? Gain attraction over time? That’s not possible. Either you feel it, or you don’t. He doesn’t, and he won’t. Or do you mean stay with you despite not being attracted to you? Maybe he’d do it for whatever wrong reason, but why would you want to be with a man who isn’t attracted to you? It’s very humiliating and it would never make you truly happy. One more time, no.

My thought exactly.

Some people are just gronks, (lacking self-awareness and emotional depth, unaware of the feelings and boundaries of others), and if you're a sensitive and kind person in a family of gronks, you're in trouble.

I understand attraction or he didn’t feel the spark is an issue, but he still wanted to date me so I thought it something he can overcome. But maybe it was my indecisive that drove him away. I regret a lot not trying harder or plan more dates instead of leaving it for him to do. I wish I knew it stressed him out, I would have help or take over and do it on my own. I can’t stop blaming myself for this break up. He even made a comment that I should have try harder, but I stayed the same the whole time. It really hit hard when I heard that comment.

You know AI chatbots have led to at least one suicide, right? They absolutely must not be trusted with your mental health. As for the AI virtual friend/lover thing....I'm familiar with them, and they're entertainment, nothing more. It's a kind of sex work, like online pornography, and that has it's place, but it does hinder your ability to make friends and improve your social skills. They just tell you what you want to hear: you're hot, you're so fun and interesting, boy is your schwanz huge, all that BS. Are there any resources around you to go out and meet people in a friendly, welcoming environment? Meetup, Facebook or reddit groups...are their things like Unitarian meetinghouses or a gym near where you live? You have to go do that stuff. Finding people who share your interests and working on those interests together is important.

You don't need to feel Hey, don't be embarrassed. Mental health disorders are very common, especially temporary ones caused by external issues, (like, for instance, living with argumentative family), so don't feel like you're alone or different from other people. If you really feel you might have a problem you need to look into as soon as possible to avoid it impacting your life too much. At 17 you must be either still at school and maybe planning to continue your education, or you might even already be working, but whichever it is, if you ignore a growing problem it will eventually start to affect all areas of your life. Honestly, you have no reason to be embarrassed about reaching out for help, it takes a lot of guts to deal with things like this, and mental health professionals won't judge you, and they're bound to confidentiality so no one but you has to know that you're seeking support. Aside from that, you're displaying self-awareness and empathy, which is a good indicator that you're completely sane . I also would encourage you to talk to your brother if you can, a strong bond with a sibling can be a great source of friendship and support throughout your life.

Oh, I understand. I'm from Mexico, and religiously speaking, I'd say I'm Christian because I believe in the God of the Bible, although I must admit I'm not someone who goes to church or follows it to the letter. I simply believe in God and in loving people. I've thought about talking to a professional, although I must admit I'm a little embarrassed, but I have no doubt that I might have some kind of disorder. I hate it when adults don't behave like adults, even though I sometimes empathize with them. It's their first time living, just like me, but they don't realize that many of their actions hurt others. My family is in another state, and honestly, I don't talk to them much, only to wish them a happy birthday. My relationship with my brother is quite good, but I feel ashamed to tell anyone what I'm feeling. In fact, that's why I'm writing this here. Thank you so much for responding to my comments; I really appreciate it

Thank you everyone for the replies and reinforcing what I guess I already knew. I agree with you all, I made mistakes not stopping this earlier and now it's too far gone. In hindsight I was never really comfortable with her kissing other people, especially when some of them scenes were rather hot and heavy, but I told myself this is what actors do. I guess that opened the door for her to push further and I was too stupid not to shut it. I still wouldn't classify it as porn so we can agree to disagree there, as as has been said how it's classified really doesn't matter. As for doing this stuff before, well yes, we've had our fair share of adventures. We have made movies for our own viewing and one some rather risque stuff but it's always only ever been us. There had never ever been discussion of another people in our relationship. In fact when a couple we were friends with came out as swingers my wife was appalled and we distanced ourselves from them. That decision seems bizarre now given what I'm going through. So I guess where we are is that I am going to reiterate where I'm at to her and then the ball is in her court. Either she respects our relationship and me and we can move forward or she totally disrespects me and my feelings and the choice will have been made for me.

Ohh, good catch. Yes this seems likely!

I wish they had such things where I live. I'd have used it earlier instead of finally finding out that she's cheating, after suspecting her for years.

Who wouldn’t want to grow up in a healthy, supportive family? Unfortunately, not all of us are given that privilege. When you study relationships and start to understand how they should work, you suddenly feel the emptiness of what you never had. You notice other families who communicate openly, support each other, and grow together, and you realize how different things are at home. (your home). Part of you wants to create the same dynamic with your own family, because you want to feel in a safe place, but you know it wouldn’t work, and that makes you feel broken. That sense of warmth and safety that real families share is priceless, and many of us have never experienced it. You may wonder who am I to talk like this. I'd love to say I'm not an antropologyst, but I'm someone who experienced this on his own skin. To share a real life things, a friend of mine found that kind of love in his partner’s family, and it completely changed him. Hearing his story made me reflect on my own background, where love exists only on a biological level, without true unity or emotional growth. I can cleary see his transition from a guy to a man, just because of the influence of that family. He also told me now He feel in a safe place. Like something like a "positive feedback loop" or something like "honeymoon phase" but perpetual. I look around and see families who grow together, while I feel the sadness of not having one. Even the people I hoped I could rely on behave in ways that remind me of the environment I grew up in, shouting, disrespect, and a lack of care. Instead of having a solid family or social circle to lean on, I feel alone among people who often show only their worst traits. Whenever you try to open up, you end up getting hurt. Sometimes it feels like I’ll never find a group I can truly call family, a team that moves forward together. And I keep wondering where I might find people who can finally make the world feel safe.Sure, I can still see families united, but I can sense that something's not right. Even though I see them united, I see them partying, always being present, etc., there's something about their level of rudeness or how they relate to each other that makes you say they're all together for reasons of blood alone, and not to help each other. I always wonder, in these cases, where we should start to create points, pillars, people in our lives who we can truly trust?

"Cultural background" means the country you come from, your religion, your education, etc, . So, you're coping with a lot, it's hard enough navigating your teenage years without having difficulties at home making it harder. Anxiety disorders, depression, bipolarity, etc, can be inherited, and if you think you may have some type of disorder then, if possible, the best thing to do is see your doctor and talk to him/her about it, and if you need therapy they can refer you to a professional who can diagnose and support you. The anxiety you feel about your girlfriend, a kind of over-dependence, could also be part of an anxiety disorder. It's quite likely that living with parents who create a stressful environment by arguing is a big part of any emotional distress you're feeling, and unfortunately there's probably not much you can do about that, adults don't always act like grown-ups. Do you have grand-parents, siblings, or any other family who you could turn to to talk about what's happening?

It sounds to me that she's already there, if she's outsourcing her desire for kink to her new career. OP has she ever asked you for stuff like public/risky sex or shooting your own private movies, or is this somewhat out of the blue?

The lady in question clearly has exhibitionist tendencies. If the OP isn't exploring that with her I could see her growing bored with the relationship over time. Perhaps he could agree to participate in only fans with her.