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I don't understand the 'danger' or the difficulty. Most healthy people break away from the values of their family in order to learn and choose their own values. While this can create some rifts, it also teaches discretion in what one chooses to discuss with their family members. Whether your niece is experimenting or whether she's gay, it's of no consequence to anyone else. My cousin, who's lived with her lady partner for over 40 years, has maintained her relationships with our hard-core Catholic family. She simply doesn't entertain inquiries into her private love life, and the family has learned how to respect her boundaries. For all anyone knows, the two are friends and roommates. Where's the problem?

Could be. Doesn't cost them anything to phish for women with boundaries so low that they'll go along with anything. So why not profit from them? If she's that easy to manipulate, he wouldn't even need to tell her he's charging the dudes, so he can keep all the money himself.

Her love life is none of your business. It doesn't matter whether it aligns with your faith. She doesn't need your approval nor is she asking for it. Your fixation and attachment to this young woman sounds bordering on a little over the line.

Here is where you need to respect her private life. She is a young women figuring out who she is, and she isn't doing anything wrong. Whether or not you agree with her choice, her love life really isn't your business. If she has a problem at home because of this and wants to open up to you, trust that she will do that. Unless and untli she does that, don't over-step your boundaries.

Just because she likes girls doesn't suddenly mean she is a different person. She's still the same person that she was before you saw her kissing a girl. Treat her like you always have and let her be the one to make the decision when or if she wants to come out. And who knows you don't really know what the situation is. A lot of college age kids go through an experimental phase of their life and for many young women that involves having a fling with another girl. You don't really know what the situation is at this point in rather it is just a phase she is going through or if she has made the decision to have sexual encounters and relationships with other women for the rest of her life. In anycase she is old enough now for her to be the one to decide when she wants to come forward to the people in her life about the sexual and romantic interests that she has.

I’m 53 years old and I never became a father. That was not a tragedy for me. It was a choice. My wife and I always imagined life as something lighter and more mobile. Just the two of us walking side by side without the responsibility of raising our own children. We built a quiet and simple happiness that way. But life has its own sense of humor. Nineteen years ago my best friend let’s call him Theodosis had a daughter. From the moment she was born something shifted in me. I did not just become an uncle in name. I became the one who pushed the swings. The one who fixed broken toys. The one who showed up when needed. The one who explained homework. The one who spent slow Sunday afternoons teaching her three guitar chords that slowly turned into songs. Sofia grew up in the suburbs of Paris close to where I live so she was always around. Parks. Small cafés. Long walks. Music in my living room. Somewhere along the way without ever saying it out loud she became the daughter I never had. Her father is not an easy man. He does not believe in God but he holds very rigid views about the world. Loud opinions. Quick temper. Especially about social issues. I am different. I am a man of faith and I believe deeply in Christ but I try to move through life with calm and patience. I have my values but I also believe love dignity and mercy must come first. A few months ago Sofia started university. You could see the door to adulthood swing wide open. New people. New ideas. Late nights. Creative dreams. She wants to go into film directing because she sees stories everywhere. She is bright and magnetic and she reminds me so much of my wife when she was young that sometimes it catches me off guard. But with that new world came change. Parties. Coming home very late. A new style that is more daring and more independent. Not a bad kid. Never that. Just a young woman trying to understand who she is. Still the house started shaking with arguments. Her parents did not recognize their little girl anymore. When things got too tense she would come stay with me for a few days. My home became her safe pause button. I worried but I did not know exactly why. One night she called. There were no buses and she asked if I could pick her up. I left early just in case. When I got close I saw her under a streetlight. She was kissing another girl. Not carelessly. Not for show. The kind of kiss that says something real is there. I did not interrupt. I parked further away. I sat there with my hands on the steering wheel and my heart pounding in a way I had not felt in years. Fifteen minutes later I called her like nothing had happened. I drove her home. We talked about ordinary things. Then I went back to my house. I sat in the garden in the dark and I broke. I cried. I prayed. I felt fear and sadness and confusion but also a fierce love that refused to move even one step back. Suddenly the pieces connected. The fights. Her need to escape the house. The tension. And a new fear took shape. If her parents find out I do not know what they will do. Anger could explode. She could lose her home. Her safety. Her family. And here I am standing in the middle. A man of faith. A man who believes in moral paths. But also a man who held this girl when she was small. A man who heard her first clumsy guitar song. A man who knows the sound of her laugh by heart. I do not want fear or pride or harshness to crush her spirit. I want to talk to her. To listen before I speak. To understand her world and not just judge it from mine. To protect her where I can. To keep trust between us like something sacred. At the same time my 89 year old father lies in the next room every day needing help for everything. I brought him from Greece after my mother passed because he could not live alone. I grew up in Athens in another era and another mentality. Life carried me to France to a small tech job and to friendships and to this strange and complicated chapter. I have survived a lot. I am not a young man but I am not done learning. Maybe this is another test of what love really means when it is not simple. As Orelsan, a well-known French rapper and songwriter known for reflective and deeply personal lyrics, says: “On avance même quand on comprend pas trop le plan.” We move forward even when we do not fully understand the plan. If you read this far thank you truly. I could use some wisdom right now. How do you hold onto your faith your values and your love for someone all at the same time when they seem to be pulling you in different directions? God bless you all.

This has nothing to do with whether he loves you. And it has nothing to do with how to talk to him. People who love their partners cheat all the time. Otherwise, cheating would be no big deal. Your framing of this matter is off. You need to confront him and steel yourself. Basically you need to dump him. So worrying about how to confront him makes no sense. You need to run. I'm worried that you aren't serious about leaving. Forget humiliation. You can't totally know people ahead of time. Get your ego out of this. Huge numbers of people deal with betraying partners. But first confirm your version of reality. You need to talk to him to be sure you heard right. That you listened to him and his therapist is a level 1 sin. His cheating is level 10. Don't get lost in foolish side issues. Another good step: start telling all your close friends. You need to come out of shame and embarrassment. You did nothing wrong.

Quoting myself for emphasis. I think these people are running a different sort of operation, OP. These men trying to get you to go out with a bunch of randoms were not looking for a relationship with you. I don't think it was just a weird kink, either. They were trying to see whete your boundaries were to eventually float the idea of you makig money out of these "dates", too. I'd bet the farm on it.

Definitely. The problem though is is that often times those guys are a lot more charismatic and usually better looking then the men who are going to be willing to offer more will be. So what often happens is women are talking to those guys instead of the guys they should be talking to because they are simply more exciting.

If other people the guy said he was associated with started contacting you as well chances are you were talking to a scammer and that they were all the same individual. And that individual wasn't any of the pictures you were looking at.

Ok for the record, I have not exaggerated any aspect of what I’ve said in the original question. I connected with the guy on Match.com - he seemed very normal and nice on the surface and said he was looking for a long term relationship. He was attractive and we had a lot in common, which is why I kept being interested in him and I guess I was a bit too infatuated to not just give myself a wake up call of why he was asking me to do all those kinds of things. Another thing was that soon after we connected, he told me about his personal trainer who was a really hench black guy and suddenly this same guy found my profile on Match and got in touch with me too. The original guy I was talking to and his friend also kept wanting me to go out with random men they knew and I would get texts out of the blue from men who they’d passed my number onto without my consent. I did block these people more than once but they would change their number and keep getting in touch again. The other thing I should add is that I’m the complete opposite of kinky and haven’t had many relationships - I’m wanting to meet the right person and settle down. Everything else about this guy matched what I was looking for which is why I tried to ignore the dodgy aspects of him. I also didn’t ever do what he wanted me to and kept saying over and over that I didn’t want to but he kept pushing my boundaries. He made it sound normal and mentioned women who knew who did it.

Right, and exactly why a woman who is seeking a dedicated relationship can simply screen out those guys and focus on finding a man who IS willing to meet her in public. This isn't about making anyone 'wrong' or 'bad,' it's about each person finding the right match for their own agenda. So the same advice doesn't apply to all people. Women who seek loyal relationships but believe that sex-talk must be typical of 'all men' haven't learned to screen those guys out yet. Women who are into casual sex-play don't need to screen them out.

Lol that kind of caught my attention as well that he would have said something to that extent as well. My guess is that either the OP is exaggerating things a bit or the guy wasn't being real serious and was just trying to see how much he could get away with. If he did infact say all the things and was completely serious about it then I do wonder what kind of site the OP is on. Is she on an official swingers or hookup site where people sign up specifically with the intention of making arrangements for sex.

She’s going to text me again once she’s moved out of the apartment. How should I respond to something like that?

Well also if a guy's preference is for the girl he's dating to put on a nurse's uniform while a large African gentleman goes to town on her and he sits in the corner, it's better that he makes it known early to the girls who are into it too rather than spending time on the many girls who aren't.

That generally is the motive behind the guys who say things like this. They are trying to find women who are pretty kinky and horny themselves. And it's much easier, quicker, and efficient to find these things out through conversations and messages prior to meeting then it is to meet them for a quick coffee without saying much to them beforehand. People can say the guys that act this way on apps are nothing but big jerks all they want to but many of those guys get a hell of a lot more attention online from women then guys who are courteous and polite to them. And if they go onto meet the lady will often go to bed with him about twice as quickly as she would have with a guy who approached online dating the way people on this site recommend.

Completely immature---like in the lowest 1 percent of people. First of all, most guys don't want a woman who is a sex servant and otherwise empty. We have many goals and interests in our life. I want someone who is smart and fascinating to talk to. People want a partner who is fun and funny, even one who has an intense or interesting job that she can share stories about. People want someone with a strong moral code, values for helping people and being kind. Travel. Adventure. Intimacy. Quiet. Someone who can deal with your mother. This woman doesn't understand maturity. That type of passion burns itself out if you go full speed on it. You'll be sick of her in two months. Romance and attraction require distance. Days you don't kiss my behind and so on. We don't show love by having nonstop sex and passion with someone. You show love by being able to listen, to offer comfort, to help someone through difficult times and by being a good and interesting person yourself. Good sex does not sustain a relationship, it’s only part of a real relationship. This woman’s thinking is like the thinking of 13-year-old girls from 50 years ago. But even those girls wanted to have fun at amusement parks, dancing, laughing and doing fun things other kissing. Behind her offer is a lot of low esteem and weirdness. Run!

This is a self-esteem problem. Intense jealousy in relationships is a response to fear of being abandoned by a partner when they find someone better. When you see the therapist they'll help you explore why you think there's someone better than you out there just waiting to steal your partner, and it will also help you see the situation in a more balanced way and understand why you're attacking your partner for something that never happened. If he encouraged attention you'd have a real axe to grind, but it sounds like he tries to be polite and friendly while discouraging the flirts. It can also be your own behavioural preferences, eg: I personally find flirty people intensely irritating, and perhaps you may be that way inclined yourself, in that because you don't go around flirting with random guys you take that type of behaviour more seriously than is warranted. What someone else perceives as a harmless bit of banter, you perceive as someone trying to elope with your boyfriend.

I assume OP must be somewhat kinky to even entertain this guy. Anyone whos into traditional dating would be running a mile not thinking about it. I doesnt sound like whatever her kinks are are the same as his though, or that his are particularly safe or healthy.

Look, maybe you can't date a really good looking man. What happens in a relationship, when it works, is that we tune into the love of our partner, the feeling of our partner, the trust of our partner. And that quiets the fear that they will run off with someone else. If we can feel safe and secure with our partner, then what's the point of dating? At bottom, you have fear of abandonment and rejection. Deep deep fear. Some fear of abandonment is totally normal. Being tormented is not good for you or your mental health and disastrous for a relationship. Most likely, this fear of being rejected or abandoned because your bf gets a smile or some words from someone else passing by (that he shows not the slightest interest in) goes back to something in your childhood and in your family. Nothing to do with him or with the "flirting" women. You can work on it. But I’d get help–fast!!!!--because there’s no way the relationship will last with your behavior and reactions. Your jealousy is distrust from his point of view. People hate being distrusted by their closest love. Why haven’t you gotten help for this already?!

Yeah, we started hooking up. We meet every weekend. Shes coming tomorrow and I am always excited.

No, you don't trust him. Other people's behavior wouldn't bother you if you did. You'd recognize that if he's hot, he's been navigating without you for the entirety of his adult life, and he's been on both sides of flirting for the duration. And it's led him to you. Right where he wants to be. That's great news for you and tough luck for everyone else who wishes they could be you. If you could see it that way, you'd find the antics of others to seek his attention as funny rather than a threat to you. However, not only do you not trust BF to roll with those antics without registering them as a big deal, you don't trust your own value. It's as though you expect BF to be hostile, arrogant, and mean toward those unfortunate enough to get anywhere with him. But then BF wouldn't be the man you fell in love with, would he? You're dragging BF down, so it's up to you to get a grip. A huge percentage of our feelings are generated by the stories we tell ourselves. So what, exactly, are you telling yourself will happen whenever someone flirts with your BF? People flirt. Some of us flirt with everyone--men, women, children, babies, the elderly, golden retrievers ... it's not a crime, it's human play, and it's fun. You should try it. You'll discover how benign it can be.

People who are not sick and twisted don't usually have innate insight into what motivates those who are, except to recognize sick and twisted when they see it--and rUn. Don't trust strangers, especially ones who hide behind a screen. If you want to meet someone worthy to date, stay within a local radius, keep messaging short and clean, and suggest meeting over a quick coffee in public to check one another out. Anyone who won't do that is seeking free masturbation material, not a relationship, no matter what they 'say'.

What, exactly, do you fear that these 'people' can do? Over whom do they have influence when it comes to your father's private affairs? Your father sees through your brother, and you've confirmed with a legal expert that that's all you need to be concerned with.

It's overkill. It's also patronizing.