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i was really thinking of asking her out because i kinda gotten tired of just wondering what does she want , at least that way i would get a clear answer but i dont want to make a fool of myself either

She probably enjoys getting attention from men. Doesn't mean she wants to date them or get involved with them in anyway but enjoys getting looked at by them and what not. I am sure if you asked her out or put some moves on her she wouldn't be open to it at all but looks and a little flirting is ok.

I really need some advice about a situation at work , there is this woman that got hired a couple of months ago she is attractive , we followed eachother on instagram , she has some bikini photos and from the gym and we started talking about her favorite travel locations and the gym because gym is my main hobby , we talked about favorite exercises and nutrition Anyway when i looked a little closer at her instagram account i saw photos with her and some guy ( i didnt notice at first because she has alot of pictures 150+ ) , it turns out that its her fiance , i backed off like any normal person would but she started getting closer Constantly pressing her chest to my arm when we want to show eachother something on the phone or looking at a file , alot of times sitting close to me even though there is plenty of space , for example to day there were like 10 empty seats in the conference room but she sat right next to me i was sitting on the chair and she wanted to show me some kind of phone accessory , with one hand she held her phone and the other one she put it on my thigh We went to the gym together and she got a little cramp on her calf /ankle from the workout and i offered to massage her and she didnt mind Maybe its all in my head but i think that she is flirting , she could also be just friendly because she is kinda close to other guys too , playfighting with them , joking around What do you think ?

I would imagine your therapist could provide some information as to where and how to get tested, including associated costs. I would encourage you to pursue that, because getting a proper assessment could also mean getting proper support, which could help you better deal with these interactions with your family. It could also give you the tools to help you more effectively read your family's words and actions, since it seems this latest incident isn't really about you accepting a missing drink.

I think you are completely over-reacting. He came close to losing his mother and you're talking about cupping hands vs. interlocking fingers and setting boundaries? Girl. Choose your battles, and yes, address this:

It’s good to see a new face in this thread. Thank you for your input.

Actually, I’ve seen that movie too. If I recall, Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) was still with her boyfriend when she first showed interest in William and even kissed him, wasn't she? Even in a rom-com, feelings can be messy and overlap. Thank you for the reminder of that classic scene.

How on earth did you know I am in Thailand? You are amazing.

I have received a proper diagnosis for the depression and general anxiety disorder. I actually refrain from calling myself ‘autistic’ despite being told to get tested by my therapist because I really hate the thought of getting things wrong (?) somehow. Though at this point, my family and my friends consider me autistic due to just how many people I’ve seen that say that I have high signs of it. To be honest, I wouldn’t even know how much it would cost to get a diagnosis or where but it’s an option I’m open to. I’m 19.

so my boyfriends mum was hospitalised with a brain aneurysm and it was a close call for a hot minute there and me and my boyfriend flew up to see her in case well… yk. anyways, she comes semi good and they’re holding hands. now i don’t have a problem with them holding hands as long as it’s like cupping them together not fingers interlocked. i see fingers interlocked as a more intimate act. his grandad passed away a few years ago and there’s a photo of them holding hands cupping them. so i thought hey let’s sort of get the same photo to continue the tradition sort of as a joke. they’re already holding hands (cupping, again no issue with this) so i whip out the phone and as i’m doing this she holds up her hand and i think he just followed her lead i’m not sure, but it looked like he made the first move to interlock fingers with her. initially i thought it was so weird. i have never seen anyone who‘s not a couple do that so it struck something in me. also the night before this he was holding my hand and rubbing the top of it. i thought it was a sign of affection but then he says ”the top of your hand feels like my mums”. i pulled away, i told him that it made me feel weird that he compared my hand to his mums. we didn’t really talk about it, he sort of apologised. it was weird. i don’t know if i should bring it up or not. i don’t know if he’s acting weird because he’s never seen his mum in this state and it’s bugging him out. i don’t know if i’m letting my own mother issues speak over logic. it’s all really confusing and i need someone to either tell me i’m crazy or tell me i should talk to him about it and maybe set a boundary

So my aunt is hosting a Mother’s Day brunch with a lot of friends and family members. Since I’m not a big gathering kind of person, I told her that I appreciate the invite but I’ll pass. Since I eat dinner with my parents every Saturday I was just going to spend time with my mom and give her a card and presents then. I just found out that my brother who lives like three hours’ drive away is going to the brunch. I’m most likely going to see him at my parents house so it’s not like I’m going to miss out on him, but I feel kind of guilty that my brother can manage to drive three hours to go to the party I can’t muster up the mental strength to drive across town to go. I feel kind of like a jerk and I should want to spend time with my family. I’m confused on what to do?

Have you received a proper diagnosis? I asked certain questions before because I also wondered if there's an underlying condition. There seems to be a significant gap between how people interact with you and how you think they are feeling about you. Could I ask how old you are?

If it helps in any context (though I’m unsure with what), I was officially diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder a couple of years ago. I’ve been in therapy for it for over two years but also everyone thinks I also have autism (like genuine autism spectrum) and by everyone I mean my family, and other mental health professionals such as my therapist.

You may not be diagnosed with an eating disorder but I'd look into OCD.

I would apply deals or prefer to use fast food apps to find deals on food because I’m quite cautious with money and my part in spending it. I wouldn’t take off anyone else’s food but there have been times where I often reduce my own price in like group meals so that I don’t feel bad. I grew up a good portion of my childhood somewhat financially unstable, (not enough to get those food packs from elementary school but also there were still days where I decided to eat less in order for us to have more leftovers/food for my siblings). As far as I know, I’m not diagnosed with any eating disorders (as i’ve seen professionals before) but my family just gets annoyed with how I don’t like spending too much money and they get annoyed with my little sort of paranoia so they tell me to not look at how much things are. This is one of the times where I didn’t look at the cart at all, mostly because we were in the Sonic app & we were picking up our food so I felt better about the price due to not having to pay fees for DoorDash delivery or stuff like that. That and also we were passing the phone around to order food and I thought my sister had added my drink in there

I don't understand this. What exactly do you do that they no longer want you checking the prices? I ask because I am sensing there is a lot more backstory and context to your relationship with your family. This is clearly not just about a missing drink or you accepting the consquences of that.

Maybe I am leaving something out. For even more context, whenever my sister gets upset or frustrated with something, she usually walks away mind conversation with a “whatever.” She’s older than me but this isn’t the necessarily the first time where’s she reacted like this to something this small. I think she does it because she’s upset that I get semi-excited about something but as soon as it falls through, I just accept it immediately and don’t bother fix it. At least that’s what I think her reasoning is but my question is if it’s not a big deal to me when something falls through for me, then how is it a big deal to her when it doesn’t really affect her? But here’s how I remember the conversation if that helps: ——————————— [Just got home, in dining room as my sister checks drinks.] Sister: Hey, where’s your drink? (Curious) Me: Oh, I dunno. But it’s okay, I don’t really think it matters. (Shrugging) Sister: Did you order it? (Still curious) Me: I thought you did when you asked me what drink I wanted earlier, but it’s okay, I can just have water. (Still sort of shrugging, already accepted lack of ocean water while looking at her, now confused) Sister: I handed you the phone! How come you didn’t check the bag? (Somewhat exasperated? This is where I got more confused because of her tone.) Me: Well- I thought you handed to me to order my food since you were on the app earlier for a while getting my parents drinks, but it doesn’t really matter now, I’ve accepted it. (Me explaining my thought process & just coming to my conclusion.) Sister: You should have checked! (Context: My family doesn’t like me looking at the prices of our fast food because I have a tendency to find a way to make things cheaper and thus they would just tell me to not check the cart/bag so I didn’t this time.) Me: Well, I don’t mind It’s too late to go back, and at least you guys have your drinks. (Trying to look on the bright side.) Sister: *sighs and walks away with parents drinks* Whatever… ——————————— I’m usually used to letting these things play out because I find it not worth the effort to go back and fix them most of the time (ex. missing drink, wrong temperature of steak, etc.) but also I hate wasting money or gas or anything on additional things so I usually don’t order drinks unless its cheaper to get a meal anyways and even then, I drink it almost immediately so that it doesn’t get watered down. I think I’m just looking for outsiders’ perspectives on how someone could be upset for another person’s mistake when the mistake itself doesn’t really affect anyone & the person themselves is ok with the consequences. That’s the part that confuses me the most. The same thing happened when I was younger: my mom used to tell me to take showers via little comments because i would run around outside all day but as soon as I did, she would be upset that I took the shower immediately. Not that I had chores to do or homework to finish, but in my mind, she was telling me to take a shower and I did it because I quite literally had nothing else to do and she was probably right, but she would say things like “No one can say anything to you without you immediately fixing it.” which confused me and still confuses me now.

I am confused. She didn't seem to have an issue. As I read it, all she did was ask why you didn't order your drink yourself. That's a pretty normal question when she realized you didn't have one. Then she went to give your parents their drinks. Unless you are leaving something out, I think you could be misinterpreting her reaction and assuming she was upset when she wasn't.

Yes of course.

I agree but what was the reasoning do you think? Was it my looks ?

i’m the second oldest of four and i’ve noticed a trend in my family where whenever i mess up somehow and i just shrug off my mistake and accept the natural consequences of it, my older sister ordered my parents get oddly mad at me? it confuses me a lot to see that because 1. usually the consequences don’t affect them at all & 2. these consequences are like small in comparison to actual issues. a good example is that today, my dad called my sister and asked her if she wanted any drinks from Sonic. we occasionally do Sonic runs where we just usually get drinks so this isn’t new but we do it rarely. my sister asks me what i want and i said what drink i wanted. after a few minutes talking on the phone with my dad, she told me that we were also getting food and gave me her phone. thinking she’d already gotten my drink, i just order my food and give the phone back to her. we eventually go pick it up and when we get it, i immediately notice that my drink isn’t there but i just kind of nod it off and internally settle for water at home. as soon as we get home though, she passes out the drinks and notices that i dont have mine. she questions me and i say “oh, it’s okay i dont mind.” and for some reason, she gets frustrated and asks me why i didnt order my drink myself. i told her that i thought she ordered it by asking me what i wanted earlier but i also tell her that it’s okay. in my mind, it’s too late to go back and get a new drink and honestly just a waste of gas & money when i have already accepted the natural consequences of it all. she somehow gets even more frustrated and she walks away to give my parents their drinks. i tell her that she shouldn’t worry about it (considering that everyone else got theirs). my main question is: what was HER issue with my acceptance of the problem? i may have been looking forward to my drink but it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have it. i didn’t blame her for my missing drink either, i just shrugged it off and she got upset. this happens more often than i would like to admit but my parents also do the same thing when i want to do something but plans change and i accept it easily. i often make sure everyone else is good before myself because in my mind, if everyone else is taken care of then they won’t need to bother me with any of their issues but when i face natural consequences for small things like these, it makes whoever seen it happen upset. is there some kind of explanation behind this, or maybe they’re overreacting?? i need to know other people’s opinion on this. - A Man Without Ocean Water

Who cares....you just lose his number and move on. People like that do not deserve a second thought. One thing I have learned is...avoid anyone who pressures you into doing something...it can't be good.

Well my suggestion is, is to relocate to where all the action is. Young people should be in a busy city with lots going on, lots of people to meet, and more accessibility to meet people with your interests....or at least closer to one.

By the way, what the hell is " the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle" anyway? And you KEEP saying things like "Hell, again, they [the W's affairs] were "sanctioned," or encouraged by her H." Why do you dismiss your feelings about it like that? Is it because that's what she says if you ask? Well, is there a law written somewhere that having an affair is excused and cannot be mentioned again if the spouse thought (or thought he thought) at the time that he wanted her to do it? Do you have to be forever bound by a dumb mistaken or only partially true idea you impulsively blurted out years ago? Does that make your NORMAL feelings of betrayal about it invalid? Well, I think you are having a normal reaction to something that you never fully processed to yourself or to her. It's okay to think you didn't fully mean it. It's okay to think she should have cared about you enough to be faithful. It's okay to want her to feel remorseful about it. We all have mixed feelings. She doesn't get to gaslight you into dismissing it because of that. It hurt you, and you need to say so.

Not even close. Wow. Maybe you see "complete consistency" within your world view, but what you value is not clear to your readers. What do you believe about relationships, marriage, affairs? What's your definition of happiness, a good marriage, emotional (vs physical/sexual) infidelity? What's most important to you? It's coming out piecemeal, and It's definitely way different from what most of your reader/respondents assume about you. If they don't know, they'll fill in the blanks with how they think. You're blaming your readers?? If most readers don't understand, it's on the writer. Saying "if you read everything, and fully comprehended, you’d see complete consistency" assumes that you, the writer, were unassailably clear. You were not. Yes, the event chronology is clear as long as we have the time and inclination to refer back to the first post when your topics shift and or you refer to an event vaguely or by a different term. You meander back and forth in time and topic. The moderator help with paragraphing is not enough to solidify your points or conclusions. We need to know what things mean to you and why. What's missing and inconsistent is who you are, what's important to you and what you want in life. Your beliefs, values, wants and goals are not only vague, they seem to be different from what we assume or infer because you reject every comment and recommendation. I think most commenters assume your wife should matter in this discussion, but you don't. BIg discrepancy. You say you have 'thoughts' but not necessarily 'feelings' about the other woman. That's different. You call the early relationship an EA and then reveal there may have been oral sex. That's inconsistent. Rather than criticizing our reading comprehension, it could be a big help to you to think about how your explanation comes across and explain why you see something a certain way. Examining all this - the words you use or omit, how people respond - makes you acknowledge motives, fears, desires that are important to you. It helps you help yourself and figure out how to get what you really need. As far as the topic of your continuing interest in this other woman goes - well, to me it seems like you enjoy daydreaming about her, the things you said to each other and did. But, hey. This is someone you met decades ago. You've lived a whole life since then. People change. A lot. The things they care and think about change. How do you really know if she's your 'soulmate'? And is that even a thing? How do you think about love? What do you want from a woman? Have you experienced deep love with anyone else?