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Dude, I'm sorry, but given your work hours (and thus unavailability during the week), the whole Sunday golf time from 8 to 5. Nope, I would be enraged if I were in her situation. A few matters. You try to plan a night out just the two of you one day a month. And then you manage golf 8 to 5 one day a week. Let me guess: I bet if you add up the average amount of time you are out on a date night, it still doesn't match the 9 hours you are away for golf--once a week! And let's get technical. Is 8 to 5 the time you are away or the time the golfing itself takes? You might be away for more than 9 hours on a Sunday. Dude, you are flirting with rage here. You might have to stop the golf coaching until your kids are older (and take less time) or until you get a job with fewer hours. At most, your golf coaching you needs to be from 8 to 11 or 12 noon. That’s at best–being really generous to you. Dude, married people with kids can NOT hang out with hobbies like single people. Period!

Great guidance so far. And I agree that you guys are not compatible. Just as an aside, the lack of French kissing would bother me far more than lack of oral sex.

Well I like to assume the best when I meet people, I wouldn't automatically assume someone was lying about their age if they otherwise seemed like a decent honest person. Id be pretty shocked and disappointed if they were. And I think it would only be obvious if she's someone who clearly looks over 40. My guess is that since she was comfortable lying about it in the first place she doesnt and likes to dine out on that fact. I have friends in their late 30s/40s and 50s and they dont act radically different. I dont have my age online apart from a few mentions Ive made on this anonymous forum etc, a lot of people don't. Again it seems like you're think because it wouldn't personally bother you or you might actually get a kick out of it it shouldn't bother anyone else.

Welcome to the world of dating apps in the 2020's. People not being completely honest with each other is pretty much the norm anymore. It's why meeting people through friends.....coworkers.......real life acquaintances is a better option for many these days. When people view you as part of their real every day life they will be more prone to be honest with you.

Yeah, I agree with this. At the very least, something is not quite right with a person who sees something like that in a profile and instead of just swiping "no", tries to lie to them instead.

I've broken up with women because they don't want to blow me. It's a dealbreaker.

You can't change the past but you can learn from it so as to not repeat the same mistakes.

What a silly comment. You can respond any way you want but you're out of line suggesting how others post on this forum. I see you're still justifying your opinion that there's nothing wrong with a person lying about their age by 10 years for 3 months. Suffice it to say that most will disagree with this. The problem here is not with the Op who is clearly the victim of an extremely dishonest individual.

That's not generally how real life works. You played a game here, and took a risk. It didn't work out, and it sounds like that's for the best because you both needed to move on from each other.

One thing to keep in mind though is that it's very possible (if not likely) that she didn't know about his rigid age restrictions and that he would reject her as soon as he found out that she was older than she originally claimed. Most people just vaguely look over profiles and mainly focus on the pictures. And after they take things off the site people often completely forget about what their dates put on their profile. Unless he told her that he doesn't date anyone over 45 there is a very real possibility she didn't know what his reaction would be to her telling him the truth. A lot of people wouldn't consider it to be that big of a deal after they have actually gotten to know the person a little bit.

Yes, I think most would not be okay with this. But some have looser or lower standards than others, I suppose.

Sure, and that's fine. But let others have their opinions too: It's not up to you to decide how others respond. Agree to disagree.

I have to agree with those who think that it was a big deal. Because they think (and I think so too) that lying about the age was wrong. Not the age gap itself, but the lie. Now, as for the OP not wanting to date a woman just because she is 49 and not 39, that’s a whole different issue. Yes, the OP’s rigid age preferences, in themselves, would probably be a red flag to many women. But that only makes her lie a more serious matter. Whatever his preferences are, she knew about them, she agreed to date him, and she kept deceiving him about something that clearly matters a lot to him for quite a long time.

Lol no I'm not triggered. We just have people here who have different opinions. A lot of people here choose to give topic creators the benefit of the doubt a lot of times and I don't at times feel they should have the benefit of the doubt in many cases. I have the opinion that you learn through criticism more than you do through pats on the back.

So money is not this issue, it seems. In that case, I don't blame her for being hurt that you don't want to have a little more quality time with her. I am not sure what to tell you other than you seem very checked out of your marriage and family life.

Yes, it sounds like there were red flags. Did you ever suspect he actually already had a partner?

You seem to be quite triggered. It might be worth exploiring why that is.

Ah the old , "I don't ever want to get married again", and then they get married to someone else. I have no words of wisdom for you, it's a hurtful experience to be used and you have my sympathy, but maybe this little tale of woe will give you a lift. When I was young and naive, (40 years ago), I lived with an older guy who was a bitter divorcee. I was regularly told how he would never get married again, and obviously for a naive young woman in her first serious relationship this was a negative and damaging experience, and eventually I realised I was just a void filler with the added benefit that I paid half the rent. It took me a few years of growing before I saw him for the whining, middle-aged non-achiever that he actually was. Twenty-five years later, (at the age of 60), he married a Filipino woman, (she was 40), I think mainly because he wanted someone to look after him in his old age. She had a son, gained residency in Australia, and then left Old Fart in her dust, and continues to use their son to make his life an absolute misery. He's now 73 and the son, who is now 13, is running off the rails. Sometimes when things hurt us badly we just have to sit and wait for the Karma Train to pull into someone's station. Your guy's relationship can't have been going for too long and they've rushed into marriage. Trust me, this will be a disaster. Don't be surprised if he's on the other end of your 'phone at some stage in the future bleating about how he's now divorced again.

I have been in a FWB with an ex from April to August of this year on a regular basis. I guess ex is the key word, I should never have been involved with him a 2nd time. He assured me he was not dating anyone. He always said he didn’t want to get remarried and I’m on the same page. We are both 58. Sex was incredible. I drove by his house after a couple weeks of him making excuses that he was busy. I saw he had sold his house and did not even have the decency to tell me. I texted him and asked if he had moved. He responded that he quit his job, sold his house and moved to FL to help his son who lost his job. I thought that was odd. I knew he had previously been seeing a woman in Ga so I sent her a message on FB. I then got a text from him (I know she wrote it) saying he wanted to tell me the truth that they had been on and off and he realized he wanted to marry her. They are now married according to the pic on FB. I feel so betrayed and lied to. All he had to do was tell me the truth. I was upfront about not sleeping around as we did not use protection and he assured me he wasn’t sleeping around. I told him if he started seeing someone to let me know and we could end our hooking up. Why tell me, he was getting sex from 2 women apparently. I have caught him in numerous lies so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. His is a POS and dishonest. I honestly think he wants someone to take care of him Financially and I AM NOT doing that. I wish I had never met him nor wasted my time on this man.

I have been in a FWB with an ex from April to August of this year on a regular basis. I guess ex is the key word, I should never have been involved with him a 2nd time. He assured me he was not dating anyone. He always said he didn’t want to get remarried and I’m on the same page. We are both 58. Sex was incredible. I drove by his house after a couple weeks of him making excuses that he was busy. I saw he had sold his house and did not even have the decency to tell me. I texted him and asked if he had moved. He responded that he quit his job, sold his house and moved to FL to help his son who lost his job. I thought that was odd. I knew he had previously been seeing a woman in Ga so I sent her a message on FB. I then got a text from him (I know she wrote it) saying he wanted to tell me the truth that they had been on and off and he realized he wanted to marry her. They are now married according to the pic on FB. I feel so betrayed and lied to. All he had to do was tell me the truth. I was upfront about not sleeping around as we did not use protection and he assured me he wasn’t sleeping around. I told him if he started seeing someone to let me know and we could end our hooking up. Why tell me, he was getting sex from 2 women apparently. I have caught him in numerous lies so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. His is a POS and dishonest. I honestly think he wants someone to take care of him Financially and I AM NOT doing that. I wish I had never met him nor wasted my time on this man.

Part of an emotionally abusive relationship is that you may walk away from it but you have that glimmer of hope that the person didn't mean to be an a*****e, that they will come back and apologise and tell you they wish they hadn't treated you like that, that they adore you and want to live happily ever after with you. You're right that this is a fantasy, because you're also right that if he really loved you he would have put in a lot more effort to win you back. May I ask how he treated you in the relationship? Was he always a gentleman towards you? Did you feel loved and secure 100% of the time?

I have been in a FWB with an ex from April to August of this year on a regular basis. I guess ex is the key word, I should never have been involved with him a 2nd time. He assured me he was not dating anyone. He always said he didn’t want to get remarried and I’m on the same page. We are both 58. Sex was incredible. I drove by his house after a couple weeks of him making excuses that he was busy. I saw he had sold his house and did not even have the decency to tell me. I texted him and asked if he had moved. He responded that he quit his job, sold his house and moved to FL to help his son who lost his job. I thought that was odd. I knew he had previously been seeing a woman in Ga so I sent her a message on FB. I then got a text from him (I know she wrote it) saying he wanted to tell me the truth that they had been on and off and he realized he wanted to marry her. They are now married according to the pic on FB. I feel so betrayed and lied to. All he had to do was tell me the truth. I was upfront about not sleeping around as we did not use protection and he assured me he wasn’t sleeping around. I told him if he started seeing someone to let me know and we could end out booking up. Why tell me, he was getting it from 2 women apparently. I have caught him in numerous lies so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. His is a POS and dishonest. Wish I had not even wasted my time on this man.

You can usually pick up on things like that when spending time around them. It really wouldn't take someone that long to figure out that a persons age was questionable. Not only by how they act but also you can easily Google search someone these days and usually find out how old they are. If she was 49 and trying to pass as a 39 year old to men she was meeting online a Google search would have said her real age range.

What? There are plenty of 50 year olds out there who could pass for 40 if they have looked after themselves. Why should he automatically assume she was lying about something so basic?