All Activity

Truthfully a relationship between two people with BPD is always going to be difficult because there is a constant threat of things going nuclear and nothing to anchor it. It seems like you are maybe doubt if theres misunderstandings due to your autism but everything you describes just sounds like very jealous and controlling behaviour. It sounds like a very risky volatile relationship you'd do well to get out of and get some good help for your own issues in the meantime.

You vehemently deny calling that girl superficial and then immediately state that she lacks depth and patience

And from that you deduce that she was never interested in you? Why? There could be millions of different reasons for her flirting with you and flirting with him as well. Maybe she is just naturally flirty. Dude, I think you just keep randomly jumping to really far-fetched conclusions. It feels like you’re trying to forcefully squeeze real, living human beings into your pre-conceived notions of how humans are supposed to behave.

You do realise this is an ADVICE forum right? Meaning someone comes on here unsure what to do/unsure if what they are doing is the best course of action and other people give their take on how they see it. If someone comes in already fully convinced that their way is absolutely what they want to be doing and its all fine just the way it is, I really have no idea why they would come on here.

Anyway, I'd say this thread is genuinely done at this point, the only posters who are right now are those saying it's been dissected so much, it turned to spam. Unfollowing, catch you on the flip side!

Oh, believe me, if I want to be aggressive, I'll be aggressive, there's nothing passive going on! As I've said, no hard feelings toward anyone! Yes, lost my marbles at the thought of someone (NOT HER, this is specifically for @introverted1, got you covered!) being that friggin' selfish and shallow, but it has become increasingly annoying that you're all refusing to understand that your goals and mine do not align. You're offering up the way YOU do things as THE way to do things, and then, when the person to whom you're offering this advice does stop, considers it, takes into account all implications, and sets it side by side with their goal and sees that they do not align, you bring out the gratuitous insults. Again, your very behaviour so far contradicts what you've said. This does not intrinsically mean "they'll eventually shut up and agree with me," y'know. This means just that, that they are open to seeing the info around them and contextualising it through their own perspective. Why would ANYONE assimilate and apply things which don't function in tandem with their goals? I'm not saying it's a bad thing to receive advice one can't actively use, because, as I've said in an earlier comment, it still serves to put things into perspective. Which, again, this thread has done so! It's just that it helped me better define how I'm going about my own, specific goal, which, again, doesn't need to align with yours.

I dont know how old OP is but it reminds me of my teenage phase where I thought I was like Batman and all the people around me were just too shallow and stupid to appreciate my great depth. In reality I was just neurotic and insecure. Past maybe 25 I think its time to let go of the idea that the world just doesnt appreciate your great principles and your approach could do with a bit of a revamp if you actually want to connect with people. Ironically the way you're going about the conversations in this thread is showing up something thats bound to affect your interpersonal stuff including dating as well. People appreciate someone who is willing to see every point of view and question themselves, but someone who comes ostensibly for advice and then pulls a "no, you" and basically leads with passive aggression is going to end up rubbing everyone up the wrong way.

Again, since going by what I feel has proven to be an adequate filter, I'll stick to that, thanks! And I'd say this is now beating the dead horse to a pulp...

Wow, for someone who said they weren't trying to win, you're sure pulling some incredible semantic gymnastics to get it out your way... Go back and reread my comment: What does this tell you? Where do I say I consider her to lack depth? Where has that ever entered the discussion? Now, on to the second, separate idea: I've bolded the cornerstone of this idea to make it as obvious as possible. Hypothetical. Meaning not real, imagined, fabricated. As far as I know, the woman I was talking about is pretty real, so she can't be to whom I'm referring in this idea, right? Would make sense, I'd say. And now the last thing: Again, I've bolded the key part. Sounds a lot like what I've said about the hypothetical, right? Yep, that's what I was referring to, the hypothetical person who would go cold after two texts because they didn't suit their exact expectations. Was this what happened with the woman i was talking about? No, she was simply not interested in me because she had her sights set on someone else. Is it clear now how the two ideas are entirely separate? If not, then I'm sorry, it's up to future historians to deal with, this is where my skill at running people through reading comprehension stops.

So in these situations theres a number of things that are entirely possible. Its entirely possible she just flirts with everyone (which sounds the most likely), its also entirely possible she was flirting with you to make him jealous, or just as a passing thing. The key truth is though you really dont know the full story and jumping to any conclusions about her reasons is fruitless. It doesnt change the fact that when you meet someone who is acting very flirty and keen and you are similarly keen, the best tactic is to go with the momentum and try to meet up and see where things go ASAP before the momentum wears off, which I think is what most people in the thread were saying. It's not really a rocket science idea, and just because this individual woman may or may not just have been attention seeking in the end doesnt make it bad advice.

This gets better and better. First you chastise me for saying you called her superficial, then you go on to say she lacks depth, which is the very definition of superficial. Good luck, OP. I've had all I can take of this.

Now this is becoming annoying, gotta say. You keep refusing to actually read and understand what I wrote - multiple times at that. I have NO hard feelings toward this woman, I do not consider her anything other than disinterested, no harm, no foul, moving on! Would have appreciated her telling me this outright if she got a whiff that I was trying to come on to her and was trying to avoid it, but water under the bridge and it's a minor "offence" at that. What I find superficial and selfish is the hypothetical you've proposed, that this whole situation went South not because there was nothing there to begin with, but because I supposedly annihilated any and all interest and patience through two texts - I say again, two texts trying to make friendly banter, maaybe 3 phrases total. THAT I find to be a selfish and shallow reaction. Ergo horrible overall. And, again, with all due respect, I cannot follow your advice on this even as a hypothetical future occurrence, because it wouldn't serve my goal of finding someone with a bit of depth and patience. I genuinely wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who'd react so brusquely based on so little.

I saw her locked onto a guy from their group while I went out for a smoke, and I noticed her "vanishing" for a tick with the same guy last time, although I didn't see what they were up to then. My friend noticed this, too, and she told me that they've known each other for a very long time now.

Even if this is exactly true, it doesn't make her "horrible," "superficial," or "selfish."

Ok, so how did you come to that conclusion? Did you see her out with some guy last night and jump to that conclusion, did you put her on the spot about why she didnt text back and she responded she was "seeing someone", or did you just assume that must be the case when the conversation didnt go anywhere?

Ok, final update, just to show you how wrong you are (although you probably won't want to believe it, so whatever): Actually met her randomly at a bar last night. She came to me, started throwing a standard apology out for the delayed reply, we clinked glasses, then went our own ways. Does everybody want to know what the situation actually was? She was interested in someone else way before I came into the picture. There was no interest there from the start, she was just flirting as "a thing." :)) So yeah, go off on telling people that they killed the mood by sending two friendly and well-meaning texts, it's such reasonable info and universally applicable to people, that it's incredible!

I also think you have a skewed view of things, and I am pretty sure I am neither superficial nor selfish. When everyone else has it wrong and you are the only one who is right, this should be a hint that maybe your position isn't as reasonable as you think. No need to answer here, but perhaps something to reflect on.

Not when the messing up part involved hurting said partner. Also, isn’t she already standing by you? She didn’t break up with you after that nasty bit. Some women totally would. Why would you feel entitled to get even more support from her than that? Imagine if you discover that your girlfriend got drunk, stroked some dude’s dick in a nightclub and got slapped by his own girlfriend in return. What would your reaction be? Honestly?

Well thank you for your honest reply. I know that I brought it in myself kind of but when is this gonna stop? Isnt it a partners job to stand by and Support the other partner when he got hurt even when he messed up?

Me thinks someone is taking the forum for a ride.

I know, right? OP: I met this girl and I did X, now she doesn’t respond to me, what to do? 7 forum people: You should’ve done Y instead of X. X makes you look bad and might be a result of your own issues. Next time, do Y. OP: But X should have worked. I think X was the right thing to do. Why should I do Y? 7 forum people: But X clearly didn’t work. Isn’t that the whole reason why you started this thread? So, we’re explaining to you why and suggesting that next time you do Y instead. OP: No, I want you to tell me that X was the right thing to do! Because whoever doesn’t respond to X is selfish and horrible! And If I ever do Y that wouldn’t be me anymore, because my rule is to always do X, regardless of the context! 7 forum people: Uh… OP: Whatever! I’m done!

Every so often threads start on here where clearly someone has an idea of where they want the discourse to go, and when it doesnt it rubs them totally the wrong way. On a forum for dating advice I can't really fathom well, not wanting people's advice. But there you go.

You see how bitter and angry you sound? Even though it is abundantly clear that I can’t possibly have any agenda to propagate here, for the simple reason that I have no interest in this besides giving you what is hopefully helpful advice. You’re very much proving my point.

The answer to the "why" is rather simple: She's not you, she doesn't know what you generally are like, and she's not in your head. She probably feels embarrassed about the fact that she was obvious about liking you on the day you met. She doesn't have any reason to think sober you is attracted to her, so it would be foolish for her to keep being hopeful in her interactions with you. To save herself from great disappointment, she's probably told herself you were just drunk on the day you met and are just being nice to her now and she needs to move on. Also, people are generally advised not to over-text with someone they've just met and would like to get to know. This is because regular texting makes one feel like they know the other person well when they really don't. It creates a false sense of intimacy, which often leads to disappointment. So, understandably, she might not want to engage in extended texting with you. I'm inclined to agree with you when you say you're probably incompatible. You're probably better off focusing on women whose communication style is exactly like yours.

You both have every right to believe whatever it is you two choose to believe. It's clear, to me, at least, that you both are more intent on propagating your own agenda than actually taking time to read and comprehend what's written. If you two insist on refusing to understand, well... all I can say is knock yourselves out with the cavalcade of assumptions and misrepresentations. Good luck with that! Thread's yours!