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Dude, you sound completely unhinged, bordering on deranged. @ExpatInItaly gives some of the best relationship advice around. If for some reason you don’t like it, politely say “thank you” for the free advice and walk away. You come here for help and then start insulting people like this out of the blue? What the f*** is wrong with you?

Absolutely not. Please don’t marry her. No happiness can ever come out of a marriage that is not only sexless but loveless. You don’t owe her anything,

It's unbelievable that you would get back with her after everything that's happened, and that you would let this pregnancy happen. And then you act surprised when the relationship fell apart yet again and all the old issues came right back up. You have a serious problem that you ignore red flags. You don't take full responsibility for your part in that. You act like all these bad relationships are just something that "happens" to you, almost like you can't do anything about it. Have you tried therapy? You shouldn't date again until you get some therapy and learn to make better decisions in relationships.

I found this place on google, and thought cool I'll give it a go. Spent forever writing out my piece. And all I got was some weird attack from some deranged cooker. Who I look up, and there's just pages and pages of the same s***. Is everyone here totally unhinged?

p.s. YES When you marry, you are restricting all future sexual activity to your spouse (absent alternative lifestyles). When one partner suggests, as your fiancée has, that sex will be off the table, you are essentially committing to foregoing sex for the rest of your life (absent cheating or aforementioned alternative lifestyles). The sex you are getting now, in the so-called honeymoon period, is the best, most frequent sex you will ever have with this woman. She knows she has to provide some minimal level of sex in order to get you to agree to marry her. Once that's done, I'd be shocked if the door didn't slam shut on sex altogether.

LMAO Like you've ever tried to help anybody. Do you not understand that just one click shows anyone all the "help" you have given? It's all there for anyone to read. Like page after page of hatred, bitterness, and angry spew. Your clearly a very disturbed and nasty person. You should look into therapy instead of spewing your s*** here

What country are you in? In the US, when someone applies for a partner visa, the citizen agrees to be financially responsible for that person for a period of 10 years. There may be similar or more extensive requirements where you live. I think this woman has been very clear with you that you will be committing to a largely sexless marriage (until/unless she wants children, in which case there will be a period of increased sex, likely followed by a complete shut down of activity). You can talk about this all you want, but she's made herself very clear. Her interest is in the visa, not you.

Are you sure? It seems she is marrying you for one specific reason: This isn't going to work out well, in the end. She isn't marrying you for the reasons you want to marry her. This is quite clearly transactional for her. You wouldn't be doing anything to her. This would be a marriage of convenience on her part and I seriously doubt she wasn't aware of the risk that you would not want to marry her if you woke up and smelled the coffee. My strong advice? Absolutely do not marry her. It will be a miserable marriage for you and she isn't likely to stick around for the long-term. My guess is that she would wait a few years until she isn't dependent on you for paperwork/permission to stay in the country anymore, and then end the marriage.

Your post is not clear. If you don't wish to clarify what the current situation is and what problems you're facing exactly, we can't help you. It seems you don't want to respond to simple questions to help us better understand your issues.

K and I have been in a relationship and it was mostly long distance, meeting every 2 to 3 months. She is wonderful, our values are similar, she is genuine, down to earth and considerate and I was always relaxed spending time with her. Our sex life was active in the beginning but she always required lube and no matter what I tried nothing changed. She dismissed exploring anything new together. I always asked if I was doing anything wrong and genuinely tried to improve. As a result, it started to make me feel anxious wondering if she enjoys or not. She finally moved here permanently and we plan to marry next month so she can apply for a partner visa - something she cannot obtain on her own. After she moved here the physical side declined significantly because of what I learnt from her. When I finally asked if she enjoys sex she told me she doesn't - she does it to make me happy. When I asked if she finds me attractive she told me she never has found me (when she first met me) physically attractive and still doesn't find me attractive. She has never felt physical desire for me but loves me for my personality and says she can compromise on attraction and physical enjoyment for the rest of her life. She also takes medication for depression and bipolar disorder and has acknowledged she felt more arousal before starting medication two years ago - but still considers this my problem to deal with, not hers. When I raise how important physical desire and intimacy are to me in a marriage she tells me I am being superficial and complaining. Now whenever we try to have, I cannot shake this feeling that, she’s doing all of this to satisfy me. I love her and we share values and life goals. But knowing she has never desired me and is willing to tolerate rather than want our physical relationship has made me lose interest entirely. I never feel desired or wanted. We need to get married in less than a month but knowing attraction is only one sided is making me have second thoughts. If I don’t proceed with it, she may have to go back to her country (Taiwan) and I feel immense guilt if I did this to her. I feel conflicted. She is a good person. But I am scared and hesitant about a marriage where my partner has never felt desire for me and believes that is not something worth addressing. Am I wrong to feel this way? Is physical attraction and desire a reasonable expectation in a marriage?

what is your problem?

You need to recognize your own role in the dysfunction first. This is not all about women using you and taking advantage of you, though that very much seems to be the narrative you've sold yourself and are gripping onto very tightly.

No, we reconciled in January and things seemed very different. She seemed reasonable and agreed to work on relationship and put the big stuff aside. Things were on a better track and then the accident happened. It taught me a lot. When things went adverse or got difficult she turned on me basically. What I am asking is in the future I don’t want to have a ‘chip on my shoulder’ but this relationship has raised many concerns. I want to move on in a positive way. I waited till things got too toxic to move on as that’s what I’m used to. I have never ended a relationship early enough. As I said above, in my head I would be resolved to leaving her and would have all these reasons of the bad things she does and how she doesn’t care about my issues, only her issues. Then she would do something thoughtful or adaptable and my mind would change. What I want is advice on how to stop these things happening in the future. When I’m not aligned with someone on key things but they don’t come out and say it directly.

Equine manure. This doesn't wash. It's just a convenient excuse (again) to carry on this nonsense. If she were so terrified of risking her reputation, she wouldn't be carrying on a secret affair in her fiancé's home to begin with. You are just as selfish as she is.

Dude, this isn’t a rom-com. This is your life. It’s like the famous quote from Notting Hill - “I’m just a girl, standing in front of boy, asking him to love me…” You really shouldn’t be volunteering to throw yourself on your sword for a woman who doesn’t even care enough to chose you or be faithful to anyone…

Yes, I’ve already figured out it was Thailand. What you’re describing is typical patriarchal hypocritical immorality that is sadly still prevalent in many parts of the world. That doesn’t mean that you can’t find a person who’d oppose the system and choose better values to live by. Again, you are looking for excuses that would justify her behavior, and again you’re completely missing the point. Either she truly embraces traditional values - and then she doesn’t cheat. Or she rejects those values and loves her own life - and then she immediately leaves her fiancé and gets together with you. Do you realize how ridiculous it sounds when you basically say that she is cheating on her fiancé, sleeping with two guys, and testing her lover for sexual compatibility because she is traditional?

First, I listed all possibilities in such scenarios for a hypothetical comparison. The only actual possibility in your case is that she doesn’t love anyone. Second, a woman who doesn’t love either of the men she’s sleeping with but misleads them to believe she does isn’t someone who looks for protection and care, it’s someone who manipulates while seeking their own benefit. Third, since you have finally understood that she doesn’t love you, the above doesn’t even matter. Break it off and move on.

There is no confusion here. You asked her out, she refused. You should move on. You appear to believe that when women play with their hair, maintain eye contact, or give you a compliment, it means that they want to date you. Please stop thinking that. None of those behaviors is romantic. Anyone who tells you that you can figure out whether a woman likes you or not from such gestures is lying.

Dating people seem to talk about hair touching as a sign of flirting. But I've been growing mine after having it short for many years and have my fingers in it all the time when it's loose, even when I'm alone. I'm either moving it off my face or my neck, or I'm running my fingers through it thinking that I need the dry ends trimmed. Most of the time I just put it in a ponytail because I spend so much time fiddling with it when it's loose. It's got absolutely nothing to do with flirting at all. A compliment about your aftershave isn't necessarily flirting either. She may equally compliment women on their perfume. I'm also inclined to do that.

I'm not sure what you want. I remember your previous thread from months ago, you did not take any of the advice that many of us gave you. Now here you are still in the dysfunctional situation, repeating the same things over and over. If you have no intention of taking advice I'm not sure why you are here.

Sounds like' future faking', because how could 2 people know they want to move in together after just 3 weeks of dating!??. I think they got intimate too soon as well, should have gotten to know eachother more first .

To give you more context, I live in a country that was recently ranked with the highest infidelity rate in the world. Our society is built on a complex paradox compared to many others. For example, prostitution is strictly illegal here, yet it can be found in almost every corner. We have a strong traditional value of 'purity'—the idea that couples should wait until marriage. But because of this rigid expectation, it leads to a widespread culture of secret affairs, unlike countries where dating and physical intimacy are open parts of a relationship. Furthermore, unlike many Western cultures where infidelity often leads to divorce, my country has a high rate of infidelity but a low rate of divorce. People prioritize 'saving face' and maintaining social status over personal happiness. This environment shapes how she makes decisions. She is terrified of making a wrong life decision. In our culture, if she breaks her engagement and things don't work out with me, she becomes 'damaged goods' with no way back. She needs to be 100% sure that I am a better choice and a stable future before she destroys her current security. This 'secret period' is her only way to ensure that stability.

She's a skilled liar, too. You know this better than anyone. No, you're really not. You're showing her you don't have any self-respect. I'm a woman too, and we don't find doormats cute. Wrong again. She is a grown woman who is simply having her cake and eating it too. She doesn't need protection or care. She needs to stop acting like a jerk and mistreating people.

I think your third possibility is the most probable. She might not love me or her fiancé. She is just a girl trying to find the best man she can find—someone who can truly protect her and take care of her for the rest of her life.

I think you are definitely right. She might be selfish; perhaps she doesn't love me nor her fiancé. Maybe she loves only herself and just needs time to decide which path is best for her future. And what I am doing is giving her that time, to show her that I am her best choice.