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  1. Today
  2. Guest

    Mixed signals

    That is correct. I'm in a connection with him and it is a good standing friendship, but his family are treating it as a relationship. I'm visiting him , we are not living together,, we have done in the past, in his flat, for more than 3 years, though since he moved home, most of the time is spent around his mum, while he is at work. I don't think either of us are attracted to each other, but the sex isn't there even when we are active.... the treatment is hospital related as I'm waiting on a general surgery op.
  3. ExpatInItaly

    Mixed signals

    I don't understand your situation. You are not in a relationship with this man, yet you live together? What is the difference between a relationship and a "connection" in this context? Who isn't attracted to whom? What sort of treatment are you waiting on? I am going to gather that you two are (or were) sexually active - is that right?
  4. Lifequestions

    Thoughts

    Thank you for your thoughts and opinions. Yes, I understand it is odd that I don’t want to be home while he plays video games. We have tried many many times over the 2+ years we’ve lived together for both of us to be there and it just doesn’t work, especially if he is playing with friends. He doesn’t realize how loud he is when he plays and I can’t handle the outbursts of yelling. It sets me on edge and I the clicking of the keyboard/mouse drives me insane. I’ve tried a different kinds of “noise canceling” headphones but nothing blocks it out. I don’t feel comfortable at home when he plays I cannot find a way to relax. It makes me anxious the rest of the day and then he gets angry that I’m anxious and don’t want to hang out. Our solution we agreed to is that he would play when I’m not home, that way we can both be happy. I don’t mind if he wants to play, I just ask that he plans a little ahead to give me time to figure out something to do. I have no problem going out or to family/friend’s houses for a while. I’ve told him before I think it’s good that we have our own hobbies. I think it’s healthy.
  5. Guest

    Mixed signals

    I'm in a connection at the moment with the boyfriend. The mum is jealous, her health and mental health conditions, also overall unsettle me as I think she needs carers and help in. She has stepped back from burdening us with her issues and from being the fly on the wall/gooseberry, enroaching on our time with friends, except for the main BBQs, which is good. She understands that she needs to let us blossom and grow as a duo team to a couple. But at present, one moment I'm getting he wants to make it official eventually, but there are a lot of red tape hurdles to come across and in the next minute, I get words to this effect, but if i got rid of ya, the cat will miss you. We ended up getting two kittens to keep his mum company as she's now a widow. One of the kittens has bonded with her, one of the kittens has bonded with me. I will definitely miss her if I go. And I know she will be missing my absence, if I go because the bond is strong. Every time I leave, she cries to find out where I'm at. And will race in to greet me and check on me when I'm there too, at night as well, often if I leave. I know he has trust issues from the past and past and present hurts just the same as I do. Its the one good solid friendship for the last 3 years that I've had in my years and waking life, without the pressure on top of the initial word of connection. His best friend doesn't trust me. Nor I him, to the point of where I can throw him but I know he has a heart with good intentions. I've helped my boyfriend move in and out of his place, until his mum asked him to move back home, because rent was too expensive and we weren't saving to make enough ends meet. The feeling that we need a reprieve is strong but neither of us want to admit to it to break up the initial changes in our lives and make the initial changes needing to be made. He is fed up with his lifestyle at the moment and I think its because he needs his own space. He only gets that when he's at work. I do have a holiday coming up and a holiday being booked, but it doesn't change the fact that the situation will be the same when we get back from it. I haven't changed it into a relationship and I don't see it as a relationship, it is more of a connection, but i think his family are treating it as a relationship. Even his mum has pointed out we are good together but there's something missing. I think its communication and also, the fact he works full time from 6-4 during the day... our love in life with each other is consistent but the affection seems like one sided... also the attraction side of it has come to a complete halt because I'm waiting on treatment. I'm not sure if its fair to say if there's some heartache surrounding it, and it feels like our connection is dying. Seem to have come to a halt now, short of having a holiday or a reprieve or a break from each other, i don't know what else to do. I know he doesn't want the break as he told me to stop repeating about the having a break comment. Its just our situations that are awkward, I think and mine and his beliefs causing conflict as well. How would you restore a broken connection? Would you let it go its own course? Or would you continue to restore it/or is it worth having a break?
  6. Most banks in the US will require anyone on the mortgage to be on the deed. I am guessing that's what she was really after.
  7. "Today's diets" are not the issue. More likely, it is either genetic or you sucked your thumb as a child, which prevents the jaw from forming normally. In any case, if it really bothers you that much -- and if your attitude here is any indicator, I'd say your demeanor may have more to do with your lack of dating success than your jawline -- there are relatively simple surgeries that can correct it.
  8. Gebidozo

    Loneliness

    You’re only 30. I’m 50 and still in a relatively new relationship (3 years). Anything can happen. Try not to carry the negative attitude with you when you do go on dates.
  9. I hope the automatic English-Russian translation that the OP is using will be able to adequately convey your patented sarcasm
  10. Carlston

    Thoughts

    If you're going to stay with this child get a good set of headphones and play music or a podcast while you're home to block out the juvenille stupity. In fact you can specifically listen to infomercials about how to choose better partners.
  11. Stay with this guy. He's a controlling ass but some day he could be a Major League ballplayer.
  12. There is no way this is a factual statement. If it is your ex was a fool. But you wrote it twice on this thread which makes me think it is. WTF was she thinking
  13. Carlston

    Loneliness

    You're a doctor and presumable earning good money so I'm not understanding why you're struggling financially and can't live in a decent place. As to your dating and relationship failures and frustrations, why do you think so many others have enjoyed success and you haven't? Find the reasons and work on eliminating them.
  14. Astrid6

    Hurting and maybe ghosted?

    Wow!
  15. Astrid6

    Loneliness

    I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I've just returned from a trip to see my brother, his wife and their lovely newborn. They have the perfect house, in a lively, exciting city. They both have good jobs and substantially out-earn me. I'm the only single person in my family, my friend group and anyone I know at work. I'm a doctor, working long hours, doing my best. I can't afford to buy, so I'm renting a shitty apartment in a run down area, so I'm close to work. I live by myself. I've never felt so low as I do tonight. Seeing my brother and his little family made me realise how I'm never going to have that for myself (or the odds are reducing rapidly year after year). I'm 30 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 24. Due to the way medical training in the UK works, I've moved to a new town or city at least every year since I was 22 (sometimes up to 3 or 4 times per year). I've changed departments more times than I can count. I say this to illustrate that I constantly have a feeling of being unsettled. My ex boyfriends are all now married/engaged/have children. I feel like a failure. I've tried putting myself out there on dating apps and in real life for years, but honestly I've found the whole process depressing as hell. I don't know what to do. I hope that this is just a phase because I'm usually very happy being alone/have accepted it. Does it all just boil down to luck in the end? Some of us get to meet our match, but tough luck to the stragglers? I quite often find myself wanting life to be like it was when I was 19. When nobody had long term partners and I felt like I was competing on a level playing field. Now everyone I know seems to be building their own empire and this just gets worse as time goes on (empires being good job, long term partner, own home, children etc). I feel like I fall further and further behind. Just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop feeling so s*** about this? I'm doing what I can as a single person (good job, hobbies) but still feel so out of the race.
  16. ExpatInItaly

    Thoughts

    I don't quite get this, either. Are you trying to prove a point by refusing to be home with him when he's gaming? What's the reason you refuse to even be in another room? It seems both of you are contributors to the strange and strained dynamic between you, OP. I am also guessing there's a lot of backstory underpinning this. He was not being very considerate, and you were blowing it out of proportion and blaming him when you did not literally need to be outside the house the entire time.
  17. Gebidozo

    Thoughts

    It was very inconsiderate of him to keep playing while knowing that you were tired and needed to rest at home. It is generally quite strange that you stay outside when he is playing video games with friends. What exactly makes you so uncomfortable that you can’t even be in the same apartment with him when he is doing that?
  18. Were you severely malnourished as a child or something? This is very unlikely related to diet. It's your genetics and nothing that more iron or B12 could have solved. This tells me you are not educated about where real malnurtition usually stems from in our modern diets. Not that many children are vegans and certainly there aren't enough to create an entire generation of people lacking essential vitamins and minerals. Your anger about this specific topic is completely misguided and woefully uninformed.
  19. Lifequestions

    Thoughts

    I’m hoping to just get some people’s thoughts on a series of related scenarios that have happened recently. I’m unsure how to feel about them. Last week I went on a trip and got very sick. My boyfriend didn’t come with me. He stayed home. He told me he would make sure the house was clean when I got home so I wouldn’t have to do anything. This was really sweet as I didn’t think I would be able to come home and clean the whole house while still recovering. As I’m writing this I still don’t feel recovered all the way. So, he picks me up from the airport and we go home. I’m drained and just want to lay down but I quickly unpack my stuff. As I do I notice there are several things (about half the tasks) that got missed when he cleaned. He got a little upset that I started cleaning but it needed to be done. We both started our work weeks the next day. I usually make lists for the cleaning but it was obvious stuff and we’ve lived together for over two years. I was a little frustrated he couldn’t have referenced an old checklist after telling me he would make sure I didn’t have to do anything and I could just rest. I spend most of the rest of that day and the next two evenings after work sleeping I could not stay awake. By the third da, Wednesday I was feeling better enough to ease back into going to the gym with my mom and eat when I got home. I told my boyfriend this. My boyfriend usually plays video games while my mom and I are at the gym. I detest being home while he does this, the way he and his friends behave when they play, the things they say make me feel really uncomfortable. He know this and all I ask from him is that he play while I’m away (which he and his friends did the whole time I was gone) and that they plan ahead so I can make plans to be out of the house. On this night before I left for the gym I told him I would be home at 7ish. I try to do this to give him time to get off the video game before I get home. While at the gym I missed a text from him asking if he could play games with a friend. When I got home exhausted and looking forward to a meal for the first time in 5 days they were playing. He said it wouldn’t be much longer so I said good because I was hungry, exhausted, and having super bad period cramps. I offered to take our dogs on a walk while he and his friend finished. They finished an hour and a half later. I stayed out the whole time because although I was doubled over crying from the pain and exhaustion and it was cold it was still the far better option than being home while he plays games. It hurt my feelings though that he knew I wasn’t feeling good and wanted to come home but still played for another hour and a half after telling me it wouldn’t be much longer. Especially after they had spend many evenings over the last week playing. He’s done this before when I haven’t been sick and I’ve expressed how it is better if they can make plans ahead of time so I can make plans too. Maybe I’m overreacting? I just can’t help but feel if our roles were reversed I would have had a warm bowl of soup waiting when he got home from the gym and knowing he was still recovering I wouldn’t have even considered playing games with a friend. I would have wanted to eat with him, see how he’s doing, and take care of him. So, now I need people’s thoughts please and thank you.
  20. My BMI is 24. Not overweight. The main issue is my jawline didn’t grow forward enough. I blame today’s diets. Vegans and these “animal rights” activists make me sick. They’re creating a malnourished generation because plants don’t provide the tools for proper bone development. No B12 or Iron.
  21. Yesterday
  22. You seem to have a very different take on this thread than the rest of us do. The whole thing was about us giving you advice and you ignoring all of it
  23. Oh thank you so much for your response, I'll try to do something about it
  24. Carlston

    Hurting and maybe ghosted?

    Irrelevant
  25. You're getting lost here--this is not a close debate. He was a controlling, arrogant, insulting jerk. Now, he may have some good qualities, but clearly he has taken his own viewpoint on food way too seriously and judgmentally. I got to tell you this--you really want to get to the point where you do NOT question yourself about this kind of abusive and controlling behavior. He was clearly wrong. If you can't see that, then you're in for a world of trouble. He's going to continue to try to control you, and you won't stop it because you're doubting yourself. Please, work on this!!!
  26. I don't know... maybe I'm wrong, but he did ask me not to drink energy drinks...
  27. flitzanu

    Hurting and maybe ghosted?

    if he's still abusing and harassing her in this manner, she should be going to the police.
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