All Activity

I'm glad you raised this and it made me think. Yes, I think I would still think the same. There would still be no reason for them to sit so tight to each other and sure any accidental boob contact would be covered but I'd still wonder why they didn't spread out.

I need to explain myself better. I don't care that they were topless, I care that when he had the chance he didn't move away from being shoulder to shoulder with them, so much so that every time one of them moved the boobs would touch him. It's about that contact and the fact it could have been avoided. If when I came the hot tub was full and he was squeezed up with them I would understand but when I got there there were other seats to move to which would make more sense that staying squeezed up in between to women. As for them, I'm not sure of their intentions. Why would they sit so close to a random guy after there was room in the tub? I would think most people would at least a foot away just for comfort if nothing else.

Her biological clock is basis all the issues in your relationship, so it's very much your problem. She doesn't have the time to let things develop organically.....and honestly my last response to you could be summed up with "if you don't want what she wants, then don't waste her time"

Of course when you're in a relationship you should be supportive of your partner. That's not what I was talking about. When someone has a behavioral problem, the drive to work on it and fix it has to come from that person themselves. If you think you can "fix" your partner's issues you are seriously kidding yourself. You only have control of your own behavior, not someone else's.

Has he met anyone?

So, I am going to guess this is not the first time something like this has happened? Because this isn't something "people" are "always" doing - but it sounds like your boyfriend pushes your boundaries. Is that a more accurate statement? So whose idea was it to go to Tata-Town for your anniversary? That was certainly... a choice.

Exactly, and he should be judged by his actions, not by merely being around topless women in the same pool at a nudist resort. It seems to be sexualising the women going topless as well, when by the sound of it they were just there minding their own business. They weren't wearing a bra because they didn't have to a didn't to, not because they wanted to seduce him.

would you be having the same meltdown if the two girls were not topless? you say multiple times it wasn't about them being topless, but then keep mentioning them being topless. your reaction is yours and valid how you feel, but you can't go to a topless resort and then get mad that people are topless.

Assuming this is not a trolling attempt, my sympathies are with you sir! May I ask you how long you both have been married/together? Are there any children? Now, second chances and forgiveness don't come into the picture until you know what exactly it is that you are forgiving her for I'm speaking as someone betrayed by my ex-wife. Having sex with AP in your marital bed is NOT something that happens on the very first encounter. My ex-wife and her AP did that months into their affair and only after the AP bullied and blackmailed my ex into doing it. Polygraphs can be passed, especially if the questions aren't precise. How highly rated is agency/person administering the polygraph? So the heavy odds are that your wife is lying that this was the first time. Or, she is so reckless that she did the unthinkable from the get go. If it is the latter, she might have some severe personality disorder. I wish you well but we can help here of you share a bit more about your situation (as much as you are comfortable sharing)

That wasn't my quesiton nor why I posed the scenario to you. Anyway, hopefully someday you raise your standards. You're too deep in denial right now.

Hello I do not have anyone I can really talk to. Part of a back story. My fiancé has a really bad past. He slept around a lot and made a lot of mistakes. He has come clean about it pretty much. We got together in March 2024. Then a bunch of lies had come out in January 2025 and half the year. Lie on top of lie on top of lie. I guess I should say the truth came out about a bunch of his lies. And most of them were about his past. But the past had caught up to him and was now in our relationship. So I feel like he shouldn't have lied. Anyway then the last of the year there was lies here and there rarely though about stuff in our relationship. So he has changed a lot. And December 2025 and this month he has been trying really hard to make our relationship work and has been remorseful and tried really hard. He used to try to break up with me all the time. When we got in fights or he got caught but he hasnt until last night. Well randomly I found a screenshot of something I had asked him March 2025. And I was sure he had lied about it then. And he is being honest now so I decided to ask him. It is about his past but it does involve me and our relationship. Well before me he had slept with his best friends wife. He also slept with his best friends mom. Like I said he slept around a lot. He after awhile finally got rid of all his past and deleted and quit talking to anyone he had slept with in the past. But anyway. He had always told me that she was demon possessed when they had sex. I believed him. Well yesterday I asked him at 4 different times. Was she demon possessed or was it just like a fling or one night stand. I told him I wouldnt get upset if he told the truth. Because that's his past. But he still lied. And lied. And lied and lied. Then he said he would promise on the Bible. Which I'm really not sure if it is right or not but we are trying to live as Godly as we can and its sad and wrong but that's the way I know he is truly being honest and telling the truth. It rarely happens. I have been trusting him. But anyway when he told the story holding the Bible he came clean and told me they had sex before she was demon possessed. That it was in her and her husband's (his best friend's bed). And she was demon possessed in his bed. (He lived with them at the time.) They had sex in their bed. But in his bed she had been hitting him and bit him then passed out on him. After he had told the truth on the bible I told him he lied to me and he tried to say he was getting his stories mixed up and me repeating his words was messing him up. But I asked one simple question to clear it up. And that was did they have sex in her bed or his. And he said theirs. And demon possessed in his. So I got really upset and said I am done. Lately when I say I don't know how to fix us he has been so reassuring and tries so hard to fix us and say we can get through it and finds a way. Etc etc etc. Its really sweet and he really fights for me and our relationship. But last night he said he was done too. That his heart cant take anymore. And actually called his mom and said he was over it all and done and wanted to come stay the night. But he didn't. And later last night he told me he was going to tell the truth because he promised at work yesterday he was going to tell the truth. But I knew he was lying because he told me 4 times a lie yesterday and told him that and he didnt say anything realizing I was right. So I'm really upset that he lied. We are supposed to be getting married May 2, 2026. It would have been so much better if he just told me the truth. But the situation gets more difficult. He is still best friends with the guys wife. And we hang out with them every now and then. It's been a couple months. But we usually hang out at least once or twice a month. Sometimes more. His wife (the one my fiance slept with) is so rude to me and makes extremely rude remarks about me to my face and indirectly. Once she said I looked like I belonged on a stripper pole to my face in front of him. Another time she said she was going to teach her boys to be respectful and date respectful women not sluts who wear leggings. ( I wear leggings and was wearing them) . She also flirts with fiance. She tells all these stories about him and her like fun times they had in the past. Jokes about stuff like HE KNOWS she is afraid of frogs. Flirts with him and more nice to him than she is her own husband *which I just really realized*. She is so judgemental of me. Criticizes my parenting ( I have 2 kids from a previous relationship). She used to bring up all the time things about his and her past that I didnt know. Like a necklace he gave her that she still has (idk if it's anything special. Its a guitar pick necklace and I guess he made them and sold them he told me. I believe him. But he also made me one) it was supposed to be special we had matching ones and I had showed her and she had run to the bedroom to get hers out saying her made one for her too. She told me he had sent her naked pictures before. And I had to ask him. Told me a few other small things that I didn't know and had to ask him. Just made me feel so stupid and like a fool. She acts sometimes like its a competition between things he has done for her and things he has done for me. And a competition between him and her husband. Like I told her something about my fiances guitar and she had to run and her her husband's guitar case and show me she colored on it and decorated it. She also once had my fiancé call her without me. We were leaving walking to the car and she whispered in his ear to call me when I wasnt around. But he didnt. We went to a store parking lot and he called her on speaker and I listened as she talked crap about my parenting and cried I supposedly abuse my kids. (She borderline abuses hers). She did find out because me and him tell eachother everything and she was soo mad and made a smart remark when we were over about telling eachother everything. And cried because she doesn't have any friends and he is her best friend. Also her and her husband do not have any communication. She never told me they slept together though. I am really hurt because my fiancé is still best friends with her husband and even after how bad she has treated me and had me in tears, caused fights between me and him (mostly from bringing up the past). He expects us to get along. He wants me to be friends with her. And even though I knew they slept together (well I thought it was while she was demon possessed and practically raped him i didnt know the full truth that they agreed) and even though he had sent her naked pictures that i had to find out from her. And everything else I mentioned. I have tried so so so hard to be friends with her for him. So that we can go over there and he can hang out with her husband while I hangout with her. She is so toxic to me though and I have told him that. But I still try to be friends with her since that's his best friends wife. I even invited her to wedding dress shop with me and him. (He didnt see the final dress just different dresses because I wanted to get an idea of what he liked). She didnt go but that's because I backed out of her going. I thought she might make rude comments and I wasn't comfortable with her and him sitting alone together while I picked out dresses and tried them on. But anyway I really feel like a fool. I tried so hard to be friends with her and in the meantime her, her husband and my fiance all knew they slept together. It was in the past before me. But I dont know. Also my finance and her husband have the same name, both play guitar and sing, have the same hair style, color, facial hair, body type, height. And look so much like eachother. They could pass for brother's. We went to their church once and their pastor asked if they were brothers. And I'm not sure if this matters but she is petty over stupid stuff and does stuff to get attention. Like my son got hurt at their church event and was bleeding and once she seen that before we even got bandaids she passed out. Which was completely fake. Also we were over for a cookout and she needed to go to the store up the road and I didnt want to go but my fiancé and her husband said it would be a good idea time for girl time bonding time. So I reluctantly agreed and said I was driving. Because I have anxiety and ptsd from abusive relationships and dont like riding in cars with someone unless I really really trust them. And she threw a fit I wanted to drive and started walking down the road to the store and her husband had to go chase her down and talk to her everything would be okay. A lot of times she throws a fit about my ideas (like me driving us to the store or going out to applebees because she didnt want to when we went before or a karaoke event I found because my fiancé and her husband were looking for one ) and she throws a fit and her husband had to talk to her like a baby and give her a bunch of attention and so many comforting words that are unnecessary. But besides that last fact of them looking like brothers or the last paragraph. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go and continue to hang out with her and him with her husband. And a lot of times we all hang out together and my kids with her kids. (We both have two boys). And we have cookouts together too. But she still is rude and mean to me. And he did get rid of everyone in his past he has slept with. Which took awhile but he finally did. And I was so proud of him. But Except her. So I really dont know what to do. We both got rid of our pasts. Blocked people, threw away stuff. Started completely new. He got baptized October 2025 I believe to start fresh and to start new. We are trying to live the best Godly life possible. And we are going to get baptized the day before we get married also. I dont know what else to say. I am sorry this is long. I just really need advice. We really almost broke up last night. I even slept on the couch and when we fight I still sleep in the bed. He told me sorry and that he loves me and goodnight nicely before bed last night. Tried to get me to come to bed. Even brought me a pillow. Says he knows we can fix this. That God will get us through this. But I dont know. Im torn. Please give me your advice. Thank you

It seems like your read is probably accurate, so as everyone has been saying on here why are you still with her? Of course she is going to tell a story, if it's not convincing you don't have to buy it. People don't often say exactly what they mean or want, half the time they don't even know themselves. But you sure as hell aren't going to fix that.

I agree and I already said to her I don’t want to talk about these things like it’s a business transaction. I envisaged that if I ever got married, it would be a natural feeling and I’d get a vibe and then feel comfortable to propose. I only even brought it up in this relationship because the talk of kids. I don’t want to have kids with someone who will turn against me over a small argument or is so wrapped up in their own stuff etc. I thought everything was simple and first 5 months was great. I was on board with kids etc as everything felt right and I thought it would develop naturally into this blissful family life etc. I then realized nothing was worked out in terms of living situation, beliefs, if she was dismissive of my issues now, then when a baby is involved that would be another excuse. I know it seems like why are you with her if complaining, but it’s not that simple when she denies everything or has a reason for everything.

@basil67 Because she doesn’t say she doesn’t want what I want. She makes out that she does. So I get confused internally like what is the issue? If we are in agreement of what we want, then all that is left is working towards it. But I have a feeling she doesn’t want what I want. She wants kids but not marriage. And where the bitterness comes in is she has been married before, just like when I dated women with kids. They wouldn’t be in a rush to do it again, hence I’m the one who doesn’t get what I want. She has said to me in the past, I want to make sure this isn’t a waste of time. I will dump her on the spot if she uses the phrase wasting time again. I explains to her, I’ve known her for 8 months out of her 40 years of life. So all those precious relationships or marriage etc or even single years weren’t a waste, but meeting me and having a standard relationship and working things out is? Her biological clock isn’t my problem. When we met, we didn’t meet to have kids etc and I was the one who mentioned it after 3/4 months. Because I didn’t want anything which could curtail the relationship down the line. if she wasn’t with me, except she is desperate and meets someone or tricks someone, it isn’t a guarantee she would have kids in her next relationship anyway. Im mature and have explained it isn’t a transactional relationship. I’m not saying I’ll have kids with you, if you marry me or I’ll let you move in etc if you do xyz. I want things to develop organically and genuinely.

But where I get stuck is people are not honest with me with their intentions. I met my ex gf when I was 26/27 and she was 32. I didn’t raise the subject of kids/marriage as I am a laidback person. I thought there would be a natural point when you start talking or considering those things. I don’t mind people assessing if I’m right for them and vice versa. However, she was so sly and disingenuous. For example, she had zero libido and sex was almost painful for her. Only after around 2 years she came clean and said she only naturally gets horny like once a year. No judgement but she didn’t just say it like that, she would manipulate and say we can’t have sex because I didn’t wash the dishes or didn’t shower etc or any excuse. Then we never talked about kids directly but she said she hated kids and they’re noisy and expensive etc. Clearly when you combine the two she had some issues but didn’t want to tell me, which I deserve to know as it directly impacts me. My current gf when I initially raised marriage as a discussion would say stuff like ooh but it means you have to change your name and ahh would mean I wouldn’t qualify as a first time homebuyer anymore. Then now she will say she wants what I want etc. You don’t know what to believe. And I say when I say I want marriage I don’t mean this second, you have to feel it, endorse it and believe in it. I’m not putting a timescale on. But I don’t want to have kids first, as there isn’t any connection. You can accidentally knock someone up, it isn’t inherently romantic. If I do get the impression or vibe that things are beyond repair or reasoning, I will break it off.

If people are putting conditions on things 9 times out of 10 they don't actually want those things. It's a bit like where people are dating and someone says "I don't want to rush it, I'm not ready to commit". Almost always what they really mean is they're just not into it. Usually if it's not a hell yes it's a hell no, otherwise people just get coerced into things they half want and it breeds resentment down the line.

Yes, I do think you're overreacting if you basically went to a nudist resort and when he went for a swim there happened to be well, naked women around. If they were flirty and getting touchy-feely with him and he was enjoying it and giving it back, that's a different story. But I don't think it's proportionate that he can't simply go for a swim in a place where people are naked.

That’s not the case. I’m 100% willing to end things but she keeps saying she does want what I want. I am not trying to make square pegs fit round holes. If someone said I don’t want marriage or I don’t want kids, that would be the end. But she keeps saying that she does want these things and sometimes will say something like I need to feel secure. Or she will say something that contradicts. It’s a case of do you believe her or not.

Everyone has their own boundaries. I can only say that I wouldn’t swim with naked girls like that, I’d consider it disrespectful to my partner.

WTF is wrong with people always wanting to push boundaries in relationships. What’s wrong with just using common sense? No, I didn’t tell him he can’t get in the hot tub with two topless women but ffs dude. Anyway I guess an explanation is needed. We were on holiday at a resort. The pool and surrounding wet areas are sort of clothing optional, tops off only. He goes down for a swim, I come down an hour or so later and he’s in the hot tub with two topless women one either side of him. There were other people in there but there was enough room to spread out. I mean he’s definitely getting some side boob touching him every time anyone moved. I can only imagine what it would have looked like if one of them turned around to grab their drinks behind them. It would definitely have been a face full of boob. He could see I was mad and got out. I didn’t make a scene but we spoke later. He said other people were in the hot tub when he got in, when they got in it was a tight fit and they chose to sit either side of him. He tried to move aside but they didn’t want to sit touching each other as they were mom and daughter. When people got out they didn’t move. Now I don’t buy that. They didn’t look far enough apart in age for starters and even if they were when others got out and there was space move apart then move apart!! I don’t care about the boobs, I really wouldn’t care if they were naked, the female body is a gorgeous thing, but sitting as close as they were, anyone looking on would think they were together and there was no need for them to be once people got out. He says I’m overreacting and he never touched them inappropriately. I don’t doubt that but he still didn’t need to be the meat in the sandwich to start with and even more once others got out. This is not a deal breaker for me but before I reiterate what’s acceptable and what I'm expecting from him in that situation am I overreacting? I don’t want to come across as a jealous clingy girlfriend. I don’t believe I am that but am I? At the end of the day as he puts it, he was in the hot tub with some boobs at a place where we knew there would be boobs everywhere and nothing happened. Oh, 19f and 22m, together a year. This was our 1 year anniversary holiday.

100% That's what I need to work out.

The incident can be a big deal but that single incident alone does not make for an abusive relationship. As stated in a post above, that's more about patterns. Of course that's just me, not everyone has to agree.

I know you are right. I just know the person and its hard to believe it is the end when they do not say it openly.In our four years there have been no contact ,and saying things like "I do not want to plan anything anymore" etc etc. This time the difference is we are not angry or at least i am not. I know ,in my head i try to convince my self this is over

Sorry mate, we'll just have to agree to disagree on this. And I'm not even talking about my situation, I'm just talking in general. One single day over a 5 year period does not make for an abusive relationship. I already agreed to incident in isolation could be, but nothing is ever viewed in isolation. IMHO an abusive relationship is more about patterns of behaviour.

Let me ask your this: If a woman had offered her seat to a man with a broken leg, for example, and her boyfriend freaked out and grabbed at her genitals on the train and demanded to know if she'd had a physical reaction down there to this man, would you tell that woman it's not a big deal? If not, why not? If so, why?