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"He said he’s not ready for a relationship now and wants to focus on his career." this just means he doesn't want to date YOU.

Agree with all that's been written above. It also could be that he is somewhat commitment phobic (on top of any legitimate concerns about your divorce). The pattern of rushing in with intense emotions only to back off in increments when things start to get real is pretty common. In any case, are you really in a position to be considering moving in with someone new when you are not even divorced? Have you taken the time to assess your marriage, your role in its breakdown, what you need to work on for the future, etc.? The fact that you are a month away from being divorced but so focuses on a 2 month relationship suggests you have some introspecting to do.

You don't have to like her. All you have to do is find a way to get a long with her for the eight hours a day (or however long you have to be around her on a daily basis during the work week). If she irritates you there is a good chance you irritate her as well. The moment you two clock out you can quickly go your separate ways and not have anything to do with one another until you come back to work the next day. But learning how to be around individuals that we normally wouldn't choose to spend much time around is part of being in the workforce.

What matters most Ive found is authenticity. Its not the standard advice but Ive had friends who would just go up to people and say the most wild whacked out stuff you could imagine and people loved them. Now thats not to say you should go up to people and say youre a big Jeffrey Dahmer fan and aspire to be just like him, but if you have any kind of social awareness you're not going to do that, obviously. But stuff that's a little bit more unusual actually engages people more, people are bored of hearing "terrible weather, huh?", "did you see the game at the weekend?", "do you come here often?" etc all day. So the challenge of an introvert is to basically speak you mind and say whatever you want to say if you feel like saying it, of course within reason. If she's also interested in the conversation, even if its coming a bit out of left field, it'll probably be a plus for you.

I will not call it fixation. I talk and work with her daily more than 8 hours per day. You don't have how to ignore some habits, attitudes. If you stay in a room office for two with a person you start to see some traits of behaviour. Some of that habits do you like, other habits you don't like. What I can say for sure is the fact I don't like inconstant people who don't judge in a objective manner same situations. I don't like the people who say or think one opinion and when it come the time to act they are acting contrary. And for that I became dissapointed of a lot of people. Thank you all for your quality opinions and for your time.

It is a long history, and also I am not the one with no faults,thats why I keep giving her excuses. She also has health issues and has said to me she went to an other country for that problem, so in a way i also feel sad and worried about her

You really need to move on from her. This was almost surely never going to amount to anything of substance, and I would not give her the time of day now. It's not going to end well for you.

I agree. Once someone goes accusatory, they view you as their adversary. If you manage to pacify them, that becomes a full-time job as their pit grows more and more bottomless.

It is not your job to help the mental health problems of your friends. You are not his doctor or his therapist. You can't "fix" people's problems, that is not how a healthy friendship works.

maybe,I did not write to her again nor did she

It probably didn't work out with whomever she was dating in the meantime

Remember, you are just getting a glimpse, NOT the FULL story.

Hi all, I did not know how to reopen my old thread so I will post here, this is the old thread: Is she over me? (lesbian relationship) - Long-Distance Relationships - LoveShack.org Now after 45 days of total no contact, she wrote to me few days ago on whatsup(and i notice she unblocked me on messenger where I was blocked ). It was light she asked how i was and we wrote a little about her health issues. The she wrote "i am reaching out to see how you are,despite all that happened, hope you are not angry" i said no and asked was she? she said "why would i be? i reached out? " then she said she had to go sleep as she was working next day and added "if you want i can call you"(meaning an other time) i wrote "you can call when you have time" she said "yes ,good night sweetie! " . This was friday and I did not write again nor did she. What do you guys think,what does she want suddenly? I thought i would never hear from her again

At this point, it doesn't really even matter. The bottom line is that he does not want a relationship with you, and this never really had the legs to last. Focus on processing your divorce, gettting back on your own two feet again, and then think about dating. Trying to do it the other way around is going to result in..well..this sort of mess.

How? You are not a mental health professional, I gather. The sort of help he needs is well above the paygrade of a friend.

Not really. It's quite obvious you like her a lot more than you're willing to admit. You have developed a fixation on her and it's going to be a much better use of your time addressing that than fretting over her every move.

Some people fall into a habit of taking those closest to them for granted. For instance, there are those who speak to their family horribly but switch to kindness toward neighbors or in front of others. She sounds like she takes you for granted, and this might call for a gentle reminder that her rudeness toward you is uncalled for and unprofessional.

Sorry man, but it sounds like you have some sort of an unhealthy obsession with that woman, a secret crush or something like that. I have the same impression that I’d get from a middle school boy constantly mentioning a girl who is terribly annoying, who she does this and that, and the boy would even pull her hair or bully her otherwise - all of which means that he is physically attracted to her.

How? You tried everything you could and got nothing but accusations in return. It’s an illusion that someone’s abandonment trauma can be healed by becoming a 24/7 nurse to that person. On the contrary, that would often enable controlling and abusive tendencies in them, which will only exacerbate the mental issues and render everyone miserable.

No, but I could help

Ok, if you don't have a crush on her, why are you so obsessed with her and why are you spending all this time analyzing her? There is just no reason to be doing that. Who cares why she does every little thing that she does? Why is this something that you need to "figure out"?

So you think that his mental health is your responsibility, or that you can fix him?

If she is as rude and needy for attention as you say, then why did you campaign to have her brought onto your team? And why do you feel now, 7 years later, that she should still be in your debt for having shown her the ropes when she joined your team? You can protest all you want but you absolutely seem to have an obsession with this woman.

And when they give the answer, dig further on the topic.

Most every business has people working there who are either difficult to work with and/or people that you don't have much interest in associating with. What you have to do if they are that annoying to you is only talk to them regarding work matters. Learning how to be around people that you don't particularly enjoy being around is part of being in the work world. What I do is say to myself that at least I am getting paid for having to be around them.