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The by far most illogical thing here was you mistaking a good first impression for some sort of a lifelong connection and seriously considering getting married and having kids with someone you didn’t know long enough or well enough.

Of course, I’d like to have that too, but the reality is that people communicate very differently. You can’t imagine how many times I got frustrated due to being ghosted by a woman. Several times I wanted a second date or sought to turn a one-night stand into something more serious, but instead of clear “yes” or “no” answers all I got was drastically reduced communication or silence. I stopped being frustrated by that when I realized how hard it was for many women to say “no”. As women themselves explained to me, they tend to reduce communication or ghost because they are afraid that a direct “no” would hurt the man’s feelings or make him respond in an aggressive way.

Honestly, I reserve a side-eye for anyone over the age of 14 who uses cat stickers to respond to a message.

Yeah I agree, its pretty rude and childish. And there wasn't really any sign of that before, she was super engaged and seemingly interested, invited me out first, immediately agreed to the Saturday plan initially etc. And I didnt, I pretty much said the day was clearing up with a view to mentioning a time and place when she replied (she usually replies pretty quickly, we live close to eachother and were going to meet locally). Then she suddenly stopped replying and hit me with a cat sticker several hours later lol. I never replied to that. That's what kind of gets me down, this kind of thing seems to be the norm recently when Im dating. I know when someone is just difficult, weird or just not that interested, but it often seems to devolve into that when its all just "green flags" initially. Also yeah the rudeness winds me up. I know Gebidozo is right when he says its all a bit up in the air initially and it shouldn't bother me, but Im honestly not planning marriages after one date, Im just hoping they might be a respectful adult and we could get to know eachother and see where it goes.

I don’t blame you - that would be a dealbreaker for most, she would be better off single with that attitude of not considering your feelings in all of it.

Wow, I actually felt like that was SUPER rude on her part! If she's asked to meet at 4-5pm and you agreed, then cancelling because of "rain" is pretty dodgy. Cancelling and not even bothering to say clearly that it's cancelled or answer texts around the time of the meeting is even worse. Like, I get that she wasn't feeling it, but at least have the decency to say that instead of not responding during a planned meet? That being said, I feel like you really shouldn't have bothered once she made the rain excuse. It shouldn't all be on you to keep pursuing her. She needs to reciprocate after a certain point, otherwise it's just going to be a waste of your time IMO.

If she plans on having a baby she should have a solid way of supporting the baby all on her own while also paying for daycare. but I doubt that - I think that’s mainly what you are there for. you aren’t being very smart if you aren’t wearing a condom every time you have sex with her! this is WHO she IS! The first six months are to reel you in and she was on her best behavior.

It's really unbelievable that anyone could be this dense. I truly hope you don't cause a child to be brought into this messed up situation.

You don't need to "figure out" why she's behaving like this, what you need to do is face reality. For some reason you're having a really hard time doing that. It doesn't matter so much "why" she's being like this. It's not your job to analyze her.

Do you really need us to repeat - yet again - that you didn't know each other that well at that point and most are on their best behaviour so early in a relationship ? It is truly baffling how hard it seems for you to grasp that at your age. She's desperate for a baby. She's not very mature. She doesn't manage her emotions well. It's not a big mystery. Also this. You're a broken record at this point, OP.

and please visit a doc to get tested for STDs.

Because I can’t figure out why she is behaving like this. It felt like some great romance for 6 months. Then her actions are now illogical. I don’t want to think the bad things people have said in this thread, but I don’t really have any evidence to suggest they are wrong.

He wouldn't be able to walk away scott free if you now let him go and walk away. He would lose you, but now you have put yourself in a position to win him back because you still want him. You are going to do whatever is necessary to get him back in your life. He will never trust you again and is probably looking for another mistress as we speak.

I get you. It's just that the least I expect from such encounters is decent, basic communication, you know? Your example sounds like a classic case of over-commital. I'd never do anything like that these days or go beyond saying I had a nice time after a first date and telling her Id like to do it again sometime. I may be wrong but I honestly dont think Im going OTT. I've had encounters which went well at first and the girl reached out to say she wasn't feeling it in the end/was getting more serious with someone else, etc. Which I would always really appreciate and I wish more people did. Its a clean, respectful, adult way of leaving things and I never have any hard feelings about that. But like I said in OP the normal thing is we're talking a lot and then it suddenly goes radio silent with no explanation, or in some cases the girl gets straight up nasty if she doesn't get her way etc. I want a second date if I thought the girl seemed like a decent, adult person on the first date and we had some good chemistry. The fact that so often turns out not to be the case makes it hard to go into new encounters with much optimism, that's my main point.

Honestly? It is a bit unreasonable. Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting that, but let’s be realistic: most such sparks just remain sparks, and in most cases people don’t feel the need to try and turn them into dating or relationship. There were a lot of such “sparky” encounters in my life. Only very few of them transformed into relationships. Some became brief romances. But most of them led absolutely nowhere. I remember I was once drunk and so infatuated with a girl I’d just met that I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. We kissed passionately and almost slept with each other. The next day, neither of us felt any desire to communicate. Things like that happen. What I’m trying to say is that you’ll probably feel better if you lower your expectations from those “sparky” moments.

No, not at all. My point is just that hookup dating is a niche where both people are clear from before they've even met what's going down. Certain things would apply that don't apply to people meeting in a more regular setting. Indeed I agree with you there, unfortunately. You need thick skin but it's challenging to do that while still genuinely being open to something positive. Thats what Im contending with I suppose, realism that youre going to run into a lot of silliness especially 30+, while still trying to hope for the best and have a genuinely open mind and give people the benefit of the doubt.

OP. how many times are you going to tell yet another story of how this relationship is a dead end, before you wake up and face the fact that you shouldn't be thinking of marriage and a baby with this woman? You keep coming back to tell yet another story of how she is acting like she has one foot out of this relationship. We get the point. For some inexplicable reason you still keep hanging on to the idea of marriage and a baby with this woman, when everything should be telling you to let go of that.

And nothing wrong with that either. One thing to remember though is that the dating world isn't kind these days to people who are actually looking for relationships. What you are experiencing is what most people who are looking for actual relationships are experiencing. There is a lot of truth to the fact that the good ones are often already taken and a lot of times once people get out of the mindsets they had during their college age years many people who are single are often single for a reason.

Perhaps. But still I'm not going to suggest a first meetup at my/her place unless its pretty clear we're both looking to just hook up. I have absolutely no problem chilling and watching a movie with someone I've been dating for a while haha. I think at any age its normal to have the first couple of dates in a public setting unless you've been on a hookup app and thats the arrangement. The last girl I dated more long term for example was 33 and eventually most of our meetups was just chilling at her place after we'd finished work, which was totally fine by me. But the first couple of times we met up at bars and then the cinema. It's partly just a safety thing, which I totally get. From your postings on here it seems like you mostly connect with women who are looking for a guy to discreetly come over and give them a good time. Which is a certain niche of people but I wouldn't say its the norm.

Maybe but people tend to become less social and more set in their ways as they get older. Part of your problem recently with dating is that you might want to be as on the go and out doing things with women now as you were when you all were five to ten years younger. A lot of times people once they get out of their wild child phase really do just enjoy spending time at home and have someone to watch a tv show with.

She was apparently on a painful period so I doubt it in this case.

Sounds like she may have just been wanting to hookup. If you said something like 'want me to come over' when she said it's comfy in my house there is probably a decent chance she would have said yes.

Then you really should not be trying to have a baby with her. Oh, she's nuts too. She just isn't here for us to tell her that directly.

Yeah from what she said initially you may be right. I would have appreciated an apology or just a bit more clarity than a cat sticker though, lol.

It wasn't always like this. Dating used to be a ton of fun. Yes there was always damp squibs but in between that I got to know a lot of nice girls. Sometimes it would go somewhere further, sometimes it would fizzle out after a couple of meetings. As you said, that's fine because the vast majority of things don't turn into something serious. But back then for the most part everyone I met was nice. The last couple of years I've had far more encounters where the person I've met was just straight up rude, didn't have basic respect for my time, etc. I've had cases of girls storming off on dates because they didnt like where I brought them and calling me an a**h*** the next day, or leaving mid-date because they decided my dating history meant I was either a player or an incel and going into a rant about how theyd needed therapy for their exes, etc. It's exhausting. And I'm not expecting it to turn into something serious every time, just hopeful that when two people meet and have a bit of a spark they both have a will to get to know eachother and see where it goes, even if they realise after a couple of meetings they aren't compatible etc. I dont think thats unreasonable right? Like it used to be pretty clear when something was a damp squib, and when it would probably lead somewhere at least for a while. Nowadays things that seem to have a bit of initial promise generally dont get off the ground even slightly. And I'm not making massive efforts here above and beyond. Im not turning up with a bunch of flowers and inviting her to meet my parents after a good first date. I'm just seeing if after we both seemed to have a nice time, we can meet up and maybe have a nice time again and see where it goes. I don't think that's anything particularly crazy.