All Activity

Ask your husband to go to counseling with you. In any marriage, it shouldn’t be one sided. his ego is in the way. You can’t fix that. You could always start doing things without his permission - like buy the next house with your money and then tell him you bought it.

OP, this just means that your emotional investment started earlier than hers. You were already seeing the potential for something deeper, while she was still in a more exploratory phase. Can you accept that her emotional investment caught up later, and that she’s been committed since? If she gave you the impression that the encounter happened before you met, and only later clarified that it was during the early phase of your dating…then it’s completely understandable that you feel misled. Even if the act itself wasn’t a betrayal, the change in narrative can feel like one.

That’s not what happened here, though. She had no-strings-attached sex with the OP, and the same thing with another guy. Only afterwards did things get serious with the OP. You make it sound like she first had some commitment with the OP and then cheated on him.

Hello! This is a little embarrassing to be posting. I'm a male and I wouldn't say I am socially awkward at all, I'm very open to talking to people I don't even know. However, I do seem to blush extremely easily during an everyday interaction with someone (could be a stranger, friend, even family). I could not feel anxious or nervous at all but someone would point out how red am I and I can feel some warmth in my face. I also am slightly blushing most of the time even if I am doing absolutely nothing. It's a little embarrassing being in public and having someone ask why my cheeks are red which I try to brush off, but it has gotten me self conscious about it. I think about it a lot like why do I blush so much? Is there a way to lessen it or is there anything I can do? Thanks for reading my post :)

I wouldn't say anything about the drugs and I wouldn't accuse her right off the bat. I would call her and say you need to get your items back and want to arrange a time/day. See what she says. If she hems and haws, there's a decent chance you're not going to recover your items.

You'll learn from her during your phone call whether she's up against a conflict but still just wants to talk to stay connected, or whether she wants to use the phone call to tell you that she no longer wants to remain connected. It's a 50/50 shot. My fingers are crossed for you, and I hope you'll let us know how it goes and whether we can help you.

IMO women, who have been dealing with flirtatious males ever since puberty, know exactly what they're doing in these situation. Never do they flirt, particularly at work, not understanding their actions or how it's coming across. Women that act like this tend to be attention craved, which are some of the worse women to be in relationships with as there are no boundaries they'll cross when they feel that thirst. Particularly when they come across a man they find irresistible. She's doing this with some shlep at work, imagine when she's at a bar and comes across a tall Chad. With that said there are women who perfect the art of the work flirt, who use an extroverted, outgoing personality to get superiors to take notice and thrive. This isn't that situation.

I think you're smart. Use this 'blank slate' time as an observation and learning period. If you can remain open to doing that without imposing broad assumptions about 'people' in general, you can learn how to read specific rooms or groups or individuals to learn the best ways within each context to serve your own best interests. You'll drop concerns about what others 'get away with' as you allow, instead, the behaviors of others to strike you as either 'in service' or 'a disservice' to what YOU, yourself, would prefer to accomplish in those particular scenarios. One person's intention may be limited to their own self-expression rather than to serve and respect anyone else or the larger purpose of a given group. So while someone might 'appear' to get off unscathed for certain expressions, we don't know whether they might be addressed behind the scenes in private. Meanwhile, we can learn that our OWN self-tuning in terms of context is our own responsibility, and learning this is to our own advantage. The most authentic, vulnerable, self-expressive, and successful people I know have still learned how to curate certain speech to best reach certain audiences. If we're unwilling to learn how to do that for ourselves, then we fail to recognize that a lack of censorship does not necessarily equal a lack of consequences.

Personally I wouldn't be okay with this either. Double dipping is disgusting to me and I wouldn't want a woman who feels the urge to sleep with other men after initiating a romantic connection with me. Regardless of anything anyone says you have to go with your gut. The problem is you're already in a relationship, when this has happened to me in the past they've gone in the fwb only category. There is no going back for you, so imo you just have to cut it off.

there is ZERO evidence that this girl was flirting with you, and zero evidence that you should continue what you're doing, her reactions were very clear that she wasn't interested in talking to you.

just some friendly advice, don't accuse someone of being on drugs, and don't accuse drugs of being the reason for their actions. that's not going to go over well, whether any of it is related or true.

that's hard to say without more context. maybe she doesn't want to actually go out in public, maybe she is sick and can't leave the house, maybe she has to dog sit for her neighbor, who knows...you can still have a "date" on the phone. that isn't a sign by itself.

A few weeks ago, the arts organization of which I am on the board of had auditions for the next production (The Little Mermaid). I went to the first audition and met a few of the new people coming in for primary / secondary roles as well as those who will be in the ensemble. I ran into a guy who I had met on Facebook at one point, he and I had met once or twice in the flesh as well who I will call Brian. I forget how we got on this topic, but he told me that he was banned from another theater company for two years of which his wife was on the board of. Banned? How did that happen? He said he made an inappropriate comment to someone. He said to this teenage girl who was in a past production that she looked like a younger version of his wife, and he'd like to have a threesome with her and his wife. Apparently this was reported to others, and he was banned from participating in the company for two years. He said he is going to mental health treatment and is on medication for this. I am rather astounded at this - in our hair trigger "I'm offended by what you did/said" world we live in did he really think that was a funny thing to say? I have been ripped to shreds by others over comments and not having a filter in the past, I have learned to be very, very tightly contained with others because you never know who can and will take something and use it against you. I am a blank slate with people. Why? Because I am one of those people who can't do/say anything they want and get away with it, others can, but I can't.

Unless she gave you a specific and legitimate reason why she couldn't go on the date (but wanted to chat with you anyway to stay connected until she could reschedule the date) it's not a great sign, no. How did the dates go last week?

I dated twice with this girl last week, and we were tentatively scheduled to for a date this weekend. However, she wants to have a phone call instead of a date, so is this a bad sign?

I wouldn't even need to ask this about someone I'd just called 'a mess'. You do you.

Confront a dishonest person and ask them to be honest? Good luck with that.

First, I don't believe in discussing sexual history beyond a clean STI test and an agreement to stay sexually exclusive for as long as we intend to keep having sex. What would I do at this point? I'd ask her what she hoped to accomplish by telling me this now. Sounds like she's stirring the pot for some drama or is pushing you away. I wouldn't be interested in someone this indiscreet. It's manipulative.

Together 15 years, married 13 years, he is an awesome husband, dotes on me from head to toes. But there just one thing we just forever unsolve is stubbornness on not want to accept my inheritance help. My father whom was a Shanghai businessman when alive own alot of properties, when my parents died they leave inheritance half to me (their daughter) and half to my brother. The inherence is enough to take care of me for the rest of my life not have to work a day. Back when I got my inheritance, my husband (whom is my next of kin) force me to write a Will that in event of my dead all my inheritance will go straight to my brother, he sees that as the money go back to my Chinese family as it my biological brother. My husband adamant on not want a single penny of it, or anything to do with it. I got the Wills done as he wish, but it a Will that I wrote against my will just so my husband can be happy or else we just bickering about this. ------- Fast forward, 4 years ago his elderly mother (80 years old) had a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze (paralyze both arms and legs), she also has alot of other health problems including kidney failure. She went through multiple big surgeries, as well as alot of specialists treating her conditions, and a team of nurses care about her. He has been working 84 hours a week, and all his money go to his mother treatments, see specialists, medications, out of pocket cost, and pay for a team of qualify nurses to care for her around the clock as she quadriplegia paralyze (and that alone cost 150K a year). Three months ago he has to cash out his IRAs with penalty to pay for his mom surgeries hospital bills. The debt collectors were after his mother as it big hospital bills, out of filial he take it on and paid for her debt at the expense of cash out his IRAs with penalty. Her health recently has turn worst, prolong hospital stays and more specialists treating her, my husband adamant on prolong his mom life as he can, even if it mean he will sale the house to use the money to prolong his mom life. In all fairness to him, the house is he bought with his Savings from his working money, I didn't put a penny to the house. I have no problem with him sale the house, as I have my inheritance to take care of me for the rest of my life. I even have a house in Shanghai myself that my grandma leave for me. And yes, I offer to help endless times, I even told him use all my inheritance to care for his mom, but he adamant refused, he even get defensive and shut me out. He said I'm his wife, he is her biological son, it not my job to care for his mom. I'm at my wits end. I asked him flat out, is he like still hold grudge against my Chinese parents whom discriminate against him because he Sierra Leonean, he not Chinese. My parents till their deaths never accepted my husband. My husband said No, and he said if there anything he very grateful to my parents leave their inheritance to me, because he knows the inheritance will financially take care of me, so he can concentrate on financially care for his mom and prolong her life (even if that means cash out his 401ks and IRAs and sale the house to use the money to prolong her life). He just adamant not want a single penny help from my inheritance. At this point I told him just do whatever he wants. He can put the house on the market for sale and use that money to prolong his mom life, and I will use my inheritance to rent for the time being, because after his mom pass away, I want him to go with me to China. He has the rights to sale the house, he bought the house in with his Savings, I didn't put a penny into it. He has no problem to survive without me, he has a Master degree. and makes 6-figures Problem here is for the past 4 years he pour all his working money into his mom medical care and prolong her life. After his mom die he no longer has to pay for her care, all his working money will be his again just like prior to she became paralyze. Other than the him not want to accept my inheritance issue we don't have a marriage problem, he is awesome, the most faithful loyal man in the 15 years long with him, and he dotes on me alot. Is there a way to fix this?

Were you both still "technically married?" All of this seems odd to me. You're both married, somewhere in a divorce process, you meet and have sex right away, there is no talk of exclusivity or "I love you" before sex. No discussion of health status or even if you want to see each other again. This wasn't really a good way to go about things, it sounds messy. Of course it was going to lead to hurt feelings. There are so many similar stories. I just feel like, if you choose to delay gratification and get to know somebody, wrap up old responsibilities before starting new relationships--you'll have much better results. It doesn't really make any sense to have believed that first-date sex was completely out of character for her and something she only did for you--what are the odds of that? Ultimately you kind of got yourself into this situation, so I don't think there's anything to discuss with her.

A person who steals from you is a good asset? What does this mean? The fact that she's not answering your calls shows even more that she's guilty. Why would you care about preserving the friendship with someone who does shady stuff like this? I would confront her about the items, be very direct and just say that you want to know what happened to them and want them back. If she refuses to admit it then there's not much you can do, but at the very least you stop associating with this sketchy person. She's not your friend.

First of all, this guy has told you he isn't interested in being more than friends. Secondly, he has displayed some major red flags and slightly crazy behavior. I'm not sure why you would think it's a good thing to get yourself more involved with this guy.

As a man, I have to admit that this is indeed still common, unfortunately. This judgmental attitude stems from men’s sex-related insecurities and fear of competition. That said, I also know guys who have never judged women for their numbers and never felt any retroactive jealousy. As for myself, I used to suffer from it, but have overcome it. And I have to stress that the only sure way to do that is by really fully embracing what you say, that women are as sexual as men.

Thank you all, I really appreciate the feedback. It’s been one month NC, and I feel better.

Wait. Did you say you thought two times a month is average for married couples?