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…and that’s why you made the right decision and broke up with her. If you were horrible you’d stay with her in a loveless relationship, misleading her and depriving her of love. Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that there was no true romantic connection. I have female friends who are very interesting, intelligent, and kind. That doesn’t mean that there is a possibility of a romantic relationship between us.

But still, I feel like I'm an horrible person. I didn't want to hurt her. Also I feel like I'll l never find someone like her. She was special, and I found myself comparing other people to her, like "She's interesting , but she's not her". You know what I mean?

The term traveling abroad probably sounds a lot more strange when you are in the U.S. For many in other parts of the world going to a different country is often the same as a person in the U.S. traveling to a different state.

Sure, but we don't feel a romantic connection with someone just because they're a good person. That's the distinction between seeing someone as a dear friend instead of a romantic partner. Nothing went wrong. You just were not into her that way and did the right thing ending it.

I've dated absolutely horrible people, and i fell in love with them quite easily. So it just feels weird not falling in love with a genuine good woman.

Not odd at all. If a person wants and it's going to be prohibitively expensive in their home country, they will often travel to do it somewhere cheaper. I'm in Australia, and travelling to Thailand for elective surgery is not at all uncommon.

Or is it frowned against and morally wrong? What if she is 30 and is mentally a teenager and acts childish due to a cognitive impairment which is borderline intellectual functioning? Here is a link of what it is about. https://www.capitalclemency.org/mental-health-fact-sheets/borderline-intellectual-functioning/ Would a guy still want to date and hook up with her? And would it be acceptable?

Why were you "supposed" to feel that way? You weren't into her romantically. it's not that unusual.

Absolutely. Nothing went wrong. You didn’t love her romantically. Breaking up with her was the right thing to do. Please don’t blame yourself for not loving her. It doesn’t matter that she is a great person. We love whom we love. If we only loved the nicest people then flawed people wouldn’t have a chance and romance would turn into an insane worldwide competition for the affection of a select few.

Exactly. I was supposed to feel happy and lucky, but instead I was mentally drained. It's weird.

I think youre probably right. But how do I get her back? Thats the question.

I'm 23, not married, no kids, so I can't speak to what that much time and pressure actually does. But I know something about going cold on people you genuinely want close. I've done smaller versions of it - someone gets too real, and instead of saying anything, I just pull back. Less warmth, less initiation. It doesn't mean I stopped caring. It usually means something got overwhelming, and I didn't have words for it yet. The version of her you described from before, adventurous, someone who initiated, who was present, I don't think that person disappeared. I think she might just be very far inside right now.

"Unhappy most of the time, even though the relationship was amazing" - that specific combination is so hard to explain to anyone who hasn't felt it. There's no clean problem to point at. The problem is almost that there isn't one, on paper. I've had smaller versions of that, where you keep waiting for yourself to catch up with the situation. Like you're supposed to feel lucky and mostly you just feel tired.

Three weeks in and there's already been a falling out. That's a lot, pretty fast. The qualities you listed are real and I understand why you want to try. I've been in early dating situations where I was mentally cataloguing someone's good points at exactly the moment I should've been paying more attention to how things felt when they got hard. The bedroom stuff at this stage is probably just nerves, genuinely. But how the falling out went, whether he got defensive or went cold or actually talked to you properly, that's the part I'd be paying more attention to than whether to fix it.

First of all, I apologize if I make any grammar errors. English is not my first language, I'll do my best. I was in a relationship, it lasted many years, but we grew apart and she decided to leave. After that I got depression. Now I'm feeling el better, but some days are rough. A couple of years later I started dating a girl. She was once one friend (probably my best friend, actually). It was so unexpected, it just happened. We dated for almost an year. She was amazing, fun, smart and we shared so many interests and hobbies. But something felt... Off. I felt unhappy most of the time, even tho our relationship was amazing. One day that feeling became unbearable and I broke up with her. I feel so guilty. I know she loved me so much...but for some reason I couldn't feel the same. I hurt her and she didn't deserve it. I miss her. I miss our conversations, her laugh, her jokes. I love her but I don't love her THAT way (does it makes sense?). I don't understand why I didn't fell in love with such an amazing woman. I'm not putting her on a pedestal, I'm 100% sure about what I'm saying. So now I'm trying to figure out what went wrong. As I said, I miss her...but contacting her would be selfish. I know I can't lover her the same way she did. I just can't accept the fact that she's not part of my life anymore.

Je suis toujours vierge J'ai 46 ans Je suis asexuel

I only saw this thread because it was bumped by the post above mine. It's astounding to me how an other man or other woman can ask if their marrired affair partner can be trusted because they're making eyes at yet another person. Do you really think you're any better than this person's chosen life partner or anyone else, and that this person who is so quick to cheat on their partner won't do it to you?

Well that's rather silly. You're posting on an anonymous forum under an anonymous user name to a bunch of random internet strangers trying to help you based on information you provide and you won't answer a simple question because it's too personal.

This is what i've been doing the past few days just a some minor touch points that dont require an actual response from her end. Just a simple goodmorning and reminders, i never really tried to open up about how shes feeling or where shes at emotionally since this happened. I dont want to add to her burden.

Its been about 3-4 weeks at this point, but the total communication break down is like 1-2 weeks ago, at first she was still responsive and initiative now its been a few messages a day.

We do meet atleast once a week before this all happened, I am unable to share such personal details. It was 3 weeks ago decided to cancel it coz of medical emergencies on her end. We have travelled together we both are from the same country but we are from different regions.

As a man, who has been in this situation, part of us go speechless, and have a Friends Joey confused look. The reasons are not always the same, however the results are. The man is playing life like a Poker game, or more accurately, the Stock Market. Keeping the money spread around in case one woman, I mean business goes South. Others do it as a part of sex addiction problem. The dopamine's at orgasm are difficult to go without.

I think you need to give your head a wobble. I don't know what the immigration laws are in your country but in UK this set-up could get you into a whole pile of trouble. In UK if the Home Office suspects it is a "sham" marriage they will investigate you both - you could be fined and she could be deported. The best course of action you can take is to stop this right now and have nothing more to do with her.

I was also wondering why he needed to go 'abroad' to have the surgery ? Where is 'abroad' in this instance? It seems a bit odd.

I had a lot of really weird experiences when I was on-line dating. I wish I'd had the nerve to walk out right away when I saw some of them !