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I admit that I do have an opinion that more women used to love it than now. However, I don't yearn a return to the past, I'm looking for an effective way to find them. This is a scenario that I'm afraid of: during unhappy moments in a relationship, we might quarrel, and in the heat of it she might say "I cook for you but you [insert negative clause]". Once this seed has been planted, it'd grow into irreparable resentment issue some day. That's why, if possible, I prefer girls who love cooking over those who just enjoy it. When you're passionate about something, you do it for its own sake & your own happiness, not for anyone else. She won't cook 'for me' a single time. On the other hand, your impression of me is misplaced. While I'm indeed lazy, I can take over the responsibility when she's stressed by, say, work (though I blame capitalism for it; see Els' 1st post). Actually, I do have a set of probabilities in my mind. If she loves cooking, I'll drop a majority of my other criteria. If she just "likes" to cook, I'll lower some expectations.

My partner is a non-traditional woman who has a successful career but also happens to be a fantastic cook. She cooks for me occasionally, which I regard as a present, equivalent to myself taking her out to a high-quality restaurant. She does enjoy cooking, but not to the point of actually wanting to do it multiple times per week. The whole idea is that it is a special occasion and not a chore. I don’t think it is impossible to find a partner who would do this for you, but your expectations must be realistic.

I guess I just want people like my Mom to acknowledge she crossed lines instead of spinning some yarn about having no choice, lust, love, whatever. It won't change anything re our now non-existent relationship moving forward but it would give me closure, or at least I hope it would. The same could be said for everyone else involved. The only person that seems to care about me right now is my ex. She didn't want me to be alone and has followed me down here to so I won't be alone over Christmas. I genuinely appreciate her and to be fair she has been wonderful, but it has just added another awkward situation into the mix. I'm just grateful she understands and knows when to give me a hug and when to make herself scarce.

There are women who are passionate about cooking, but I'm guessing they enjoy cooking when they enjoy cooking (at their leisure, on their terms). They might enjoy it less if it becomes something that is expected/demanded of them. When a passion becomes a chore, it becomes harder to derive enjoyment from it, especially if the other person does not reciprocate in some fashion. I enjoy cooking. But I wouldn't use the word "passion" to describe my enjoyment of it. And I certainly wouldn't want to be the only person within a relationship who cooked. If I'm happy in a relationship and I feel like we have mutual love, respect, and understanding and help/support each other, then the desire to do something nice for my guy becomes stronger, and that something nice might be cooking him a delicious meal when I have the opportunity. And it would be lovely if, on the next day, when I had some work deadline stressing me, he'd take over the kitchen responsibilities and prepare something nice for us both. That's not quite what you're looking for, is it? Also, I'm not excited about junk food and don't out often, but I'd really appreciate it if my guy would take me out for dinner or something occasionally. The whole "she cooks delicious food, so we'll just stay at home and watch a movie while she cooks" thing would not work for me. I'm guessing you would want to stay home all nights and eat your girlfriend's masterpieces, but has it occurred to you that spending a whole afternoon/evening slaving over a pot might not be her idea of date night?

OP, I think you have two options: 1. Have an honest conversation with her about it. After all, technically speaking, she hasn't done anything wrong. You're just wondering whether your mutual friend has crossed a line. 2. Quietly observe her over time to see if her behavior changes in ways that worry you. Personally, I'd opt for the second one because with the first one, depending on how the conversation goes, one could come across as a jealous, controlling person.

I think you're hankering for a time which never was. Where did you get the idea that women used to be passionate cooks? I'm Australian (of British heritage) and our food was so incredibly dull. It improved a bit by the 1990's, but absolutely nothing for my mother and grandmothers generations to find passion for.

Both retirement (early or standard 60-65yo) and porn didn't exist at the times of forefathers, so I guess they wouldn't judge harshly. When introduced to something unprecedented, people almost inevitably succumb to it, like the way Chinese to opium, or native Americans to Spanish diseases. I bet our forefathers wouldn't do much better than us. I'm not proud of my addiction and am working on it. As Wilson argued on YBOP, it's harder than other kinds (food, drugs, alcohol...). Ironically, 1 of the best ways is to find a partner for a healthy rehabilitation, or perhaps a soul mate: whenever an urge comes, I can reliably reach out for a cuddling session or at least a deep intellectual convo. Regarding FIRE, for me retirement doesn't mean lazing around, but actually working toward that goal of carving my name in history. I have a few ideas for that, and they have the added benefit of potentially bringing mentioned "extremely high income" that enables advertising for tradwives. Thus, for a woman to accept a man with those 2 traits, I suppose she should have faith in me that I'll overcome porn with her help, and a high OCEAN openness to update her outdated view on employment (but does that make her non-traditional?). In any case, I'm happy to take out the trash and cleanup - probably with a dishwasher. However, keeping the pantry stocked is a cook's responsibility: only she knows what's needed and what not. It seems the biggest obstacle is how exactly to find these rare unicorn girls with me being not quite active on social media or whatever modern tools they favor nowadays. And if she shares such a preference, chances are she wouldn't be online much, either.

No. But I will say screw Tinder lol

Your dating apps also need to read well. Have you got anyone who can review it for you?

Dude, I want to give you the best of encouragement AND I want to be honest. Given how utterly, bafflingly confusing and chaotic and boundary-crossing your family is, there is simple NO WAY that you figure this out with time. Sorry, just ain't happening any more than time will help us heal a brother leg. Your situation is way too confusing. Any one of the dynamics you portay would be difficult to handle, but you have got multiple, overlapping relationship anguish going on. This here and I don't mean to be rough on you, but this here is just wildly naive and impossible: I just hope everyone owns their own situations instead of making excuses. I'll have far more respect for them if they do that. Dude, if their behavior corrected tomorrow--all of the.various conflicts--you'd still have pain and anguish over all that has happened up until now. Your family (mine has its own issues for sure) but unless you believe in Santa Claus, people are not going to "own" their situations--whatever that means.

Okay so this is long one, but basically I knew this guy threw my Ex growing up we always had like this connection when together. Anyway fast forward to our tender ages of 37 & 40 both single and him living away for so long 10 years in another country. He returned and I have since left my ex but realised I really liked this person and they are not friends anymore. Then began the mess of us the past 4 months, we have gotten so close to the point he was dropping hints about us laughing being old together, and hinting he may buy woods which is where I always wanted to live. So after seeing several times I took the plunge and wondered if it was friends or romance. I held his arm and he liked it. But sadly there is another women, a women he was house mates with and they're platonic but he feels infatuated by her and believes he has found the one but he carries flirting with me. What's weird about this all is I would be so happy for him if he married her, he's my friend! But I have been getting mixed signals, so I asked him do you like me? He replied saying yes, of course your amazing women, funny, attractive yes I've developed a little crush on you and it's okay. I like that you make me feel good and you lift me up, but I'm not the man for you and my heart lies else where. But I like what we have I don't want to loose this then he started breathing funny and said god I think I'm panicking and apologized. I felt so bad for him my dear friend was having an anxiety attack because I asked him something vulnerable. He has since said that we are getting closer then ever before and this is a teething, we are going into the unknown but I like our journey. He then said I like cooking you dinner is that off the table? Because am I over stepping? Because I will dial it back I understand. I want my friend in my life I know that, but can we really ever go back to how we once were before I asked the question? Look I will always admire him he will always admire me but we know we can't be together in the future like that so how do I get back to friends.

I look like Shrek myself but the ladies think I’m gorgeous, and funny. It’s all in the mindset baby! If they like they’ll help you.

You’re 80 percent sure? so that means it’s not 100 percent, even if it’s 99 percent you’re still not at 100 percent.

Yes it is cheating. As Gebidozo said the term 'going all the way' has a wide range of definitions. She could have given him a blowjob and some would technically define that as not going all the way if they didn't have actual intercourse. She cheated.

In his 20s like he's 21 or he's 27. There is a lot of growing and maturing between 21 and 29.

This 100% ^^^ Pretty much what I posted on the other site. Why start blaming the GF for this guy's behavior. Should be confronting the guy about it.

I’m sharing my testimony because I know how painful it is to watch a marriage fall apart, especially through infidelity. During the divorce phase of my marriage, I felt completely broken. My husband was cheating, and I believed I was about to lose the man I had known and loved for 23 years. The pain was overwhelming, and I didn’t think I would survive emotionally if my marriage ended that way. At my lowest point, I reached out for spiritual support and committed myself to prayer and personal cleansing for four days. I focused on healing, forgiveness, and letting go of anger. Shortly after, something unexpected happened my husband contacted me. He apologized and asked if we could talk and try to work things out. Today marks three years since that moment. For the past three years, my husband has been the man I fell in love with in my youth present, committed, and loving. Rebuilding wasn’t easy, but healing was possible. I’m leaving this here because I know others are going through similar pain. Please don’t judge everyone finds strength in different ways. If this gives even one person hope, then sharing my story is worth it. If anyone would like to ask me privately about my experience, you’re welcome to send him a direct message, on my mail in my bio...

it's weird to word this as accusing your gf of doing something wrong when it's your friend that you are suspecting is doing something wrong. just because she's the recipient doesn't mean she's requesting he send these. this could be all him sending it to her and she doesn't care.

If they are friends I dont see anything particularly strange about it, if this is stuff he might post on his Instagram anyway. He might be fishing for attention yeah but unless your girlfriend is flirting/sexting back I don't really see why it should become a big drama. If he's sending pics with his D out in the shower post workout and shes responding positively thats a different story but it sounds like you are jumping to the conclusion that kind of thing might be happening with no real evidence for it.

I agree that maturity differences and life stages in this case are not a great basis for a relationship. I'm 32 and Im not really looking to date anyone under 25, I wouldn't date anyone who's under 20 full stop as the idea just feels creepy and weird to me. But if I met someone who was say 21 and it felt like an exception to the rule, I dont think theres any good reason not to see where it went of we both wanted the same things and had a mutual desire to make it work. It wouldn't be what Id be looking for normally but I dont think things should be that rigid. My issue was just the amount of comments jumping to conclusions of "she's younger she should be experimenting and living it up and he's going to chain her to a relationship" or "he must be a weird old guy preying on younger women". In addition I have a female friend who's almost 40 now dating a guy in his 20s, and nobody seems to bat an eyelid (nor should they in my opinion), but I know if the roles were reversed she'd probably get plenty of the above comments.

If she follows him on social media, and he posts something/anything on social media, she will get a notification with his name. The notification was not necessarily a direct message to her. Also, naybe he sent her the picture but she said no because you're the jealous type that would over react? And finally, own who you are. If you don't want this guy to sent nude chest pictures to your girlfriend then tell HIM. Next time he sends you a picture ask him if he sends those to your girlfriend. If he says yes then tell him it's borderline innapropriate and you'd prefer he doesn't. ....at 21 it's time he learn what bounderies are.

Actually older women and younger men are often far more compatible with one another then older men and younger women are. When a woman dates a guy 20:or more years younger more times than not she isn't going to be looking for a potential serious relationship from him. And likewise the younger guy is going to be looking for that exact same thing from an older woman. Chemistry is often really good on both sides when they are able to get a long with one another. When older men and younger women get together they are usually using each other for different reasons. Not the same reason.

It's the reality of life. Yes to some extent there are always exceptions, but people like to think of themselves of the exception, when they are usually not. There are biological realities that we can't deny. The average lifespan, the average healthy lifespan, retirement age, maturation of the brain, etc all play a part in this. A 38-yo is by necessity looking at the second half of their healthy years and working years, and that has immense implications on lifestyle choices and behaviors. An 18-yo's brain has not fully developed and won't fully develop until they are in their mid 20s. Together, these things make for a very problematic relationship dynamic. Oddly, if the genders were reversed, people would probably be more concerned, asking the OP if he wants kids and telling him that the partner probably cannot biologically have kids. Yet somehow that's the only statistic that people talk about, while often ignoring all the other statistics. IMO a 38-yo who is specifically pursuing a 18-yo for a relationship, very much does NOT have the 18-yo's best interests in mind.

I am not necessarily saying he sent her an appropriate message, to be clear. But it also seems you don't actually have any idea what he sent her.

Not that silly when it comes to teenagers. If OP was 30 and the man 50 then they do what ever they want. An 18 year old is still in her formative years, her prefrontal cortex is not finished developping which means she lacks abilities at planning - at decision making - at problem solving - and at controlling impulses. What kind of 38 year grown man would wish for a girlfriend that lacks all these abilities? I will tell you...it's one that let his little head leads instead of the head on his shoulders. I have a daughter that is 38. Her students are 17-18-19 yo. To her, they are not men, they're still kids who thinks drawing penises on the blackboard is funny! I also have a 21 yo daughter, my boyfriend has a 17 yo daughter. I'm surrounded by young women and l understand how they mature. I bet you OP does not have a strong protective father figure around her. That's how these 38 yo men can date these impressionnable 18 year old.