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He's strictly looking to get laid. Guys talk like that to see if women are interested in the idea of having a hook up with him. If not that's fine and both people can quickly move on to other conversations. If she is attracted to the idea then they can potentially meet up for sex. The fact that he has gotten you to ask a question about him on a site like this shows he probably is having at least some success with this type of behavior. Women aren't much different then men on dating apps. Once they find someones attractive they don't always think completely straight.

A guy I’ve been messaging for a while wants me to act slutty and dress up like a slut/create a fake Instagram account to post racy photos for random men - not for him. He also wants me to go on wild nights out with his friend and her friends so I can pass out from being drunk and throw up over myself. He thought it was funny that I didn't have any hook ups when I went on nights out. He suggests that I join in the same activities as his friend, e.g. attend a talk where I can learn how to sleep with 100 men, and go to a speed dating event for immigrants at a hotel or just generally meet them and get their numbers etc. He also is keen for me to go out with ‘lads lads’, and specifically black guys (he’s white). His previous partner apparently did that and he only seems to be interested in women who want to do that. I’ve said I’m not comfortable with it but he doesn’t respect my boundaries and keeps trying to sell the idea to me. He also would talk about his ex GFs for ages, and random women he found attractive/vice versa, or would bring up other women he’d been talking to on the dating app where we connected. I said I don’t like it and asked him multiple times to stop, he said he would but then kept doing it and got annoyed/defensive and said I was oversensitive and that other women have been interested in hearing about his past because it gives them a better idea of him. What is the issue here?

I used to suffer from intense, I’d even say pathological jealousy. I could possibly give you a few advices. But in the end, you have to understand that you are the only one who can stop that. Try to follow these steps: 1) Realize the danger. Understand that you’ll lose your boyfriend if you keep being jealous. Really understand that. Don’t think he might leave; he will leave. Unless you stop it ASAP. 2) Believe that you can stop. It is in your power. You aren’t cursed. If this is a disease, it can be cured. 3) Understand the mentality behind your jealousy. It’s your insecurity. Your lack of self love. You aren’t confident enough to think that your boyfriend isn’t interested in other women. The rational part of your mind knows that, but the irrational part has succumbed to your fear. 4) Therefore, the most important thing here is to restore your sense of self worth. Of course, therapy would be the best course of action here. Try to figure out what caused you to subconsciously believe that you aren’t as good as other women. Has anyone criticized you too much in the past, shattering your confidence? Or, on the contrary, were you emotionally spoiled, causing you to become possessive and controlling while knowing deep down that it’s a weakness (that was my case)? 5) Your boyfriend is right, mistrust is a sign of lack of love. Try to love your boyfriend more. Fight your jealousy like the evil enemy it is. Mobilize all your mental power for that. 6) Remind yourself that there are things you cannot change. A small, yet healthy dose of stoic fatalism can be a good remedy. If your boyfriend wants to cheat, he will cheat. You won’t be able to stop him. Jealousy is above all a huge waste, because that emotion can’t be channeled into anything constructive, it can only destroy. Relax and have some compassion for yourself, start enjoying your life and stop being tortured by thoughts of things you can’t control anyway.

How do people deal with jealousy? I’ve been with my bf for a year and 9 months now. I’m so happy we’re together, he’s such a wonderful person and treats me so well. The thing is that he is hot and so everyone looks and so many times women blatantly flirt with him. Yes of course I was one of those but now we’re together I notice it so much. It’s literally everywhere we go, even the courier that regularly drops parcels at his place rings the doorbell to give them direct to him and I’ve watched through the window and she is so flirting with him. Everyone tells me I should take it as a compliment because despite all of those he chose me and continues to choose me. That makes sense but I really struggle with it. I just triggered again last week. We were picking up a pair of glasses for him and I was sitting on the other side of the shop because where you try them on only has one chair. The woman on the desk next to him was almost groping him. Now yeah I’m exaggerating, but she was definitely flirting with him, she was like “oh wow, those glasses look great on you”, “I’d definitely turn around and stare if you walked past” and she was laughing with him and flicking her hair. Anyone looking knew exactly what she was doing. He motioned for me to come over and kissed me and then she backed right off but I still couldn’t control my jealousy and then we’re fighting. I’m scared I’m going to push him away but I don’t know what to do. He says it hurts that I don’t love him enough to trust him. But I do trust him, I have no doubt he’s faithful but it still feels uncomfortable that other woman flirt with him and then the jealousy is all consuming. I know he can’t control it and he does seem to actively shut it down when it happens but something in my brain just sees the flirting and it’s not until sometimes days later that I manage to get myself to see what really happened. It must be hard for him, I’m not making it easy, but I literally have no control over it. I have just booked with a therapist but can’t see them for two weeks. He cried and hugged me so tight when I told him, he told me he’s never felt for anyone the way he feels for me but he can’t keep going the way we have been. In the meantime, any advice, videos to watch, books to read, anything. Please help before I ruin this.

I know the feeling. As other people have said, you did the right thing. Breakups tend to be extremely painful. But a painful surgery (followed by a painful recovery process) is preferable to living with an incurable, lethal disease. Try to focus on the selfless aspect of what you did. She deserves a chance at being with someone who is madly in love with her. You, too, deserve a chance at having great passion. I met the woman of my dreams at the age of 47. I’ve been in love before, or at least I thought so at the time. Wherever love was lacking, nothing could help. I regret a lot of things, but not those multiple painful breakups themselves. They have led me where I am now, experiencing something I thought was not possible.

Glad I'm not the only one wondering about this.

Unhelpful

If her husband is comfortable, and she’s not harming anyone, then it’s not automatically a problem inside their marriage. Otherwise, she just seems like a woman with a very active imagination and a strong libido, which isn’t unusual, it’s just more visible in her than in most people. If that led her to cheat…that’s on her. Having strong desires isn’t the issue then, choosing to cross a boundary again would be. Making those comments when you're married is disrespectful to the relationship if it crosses the line from harmless noticing into something that shows blatant disregard for her husband. You also mentioned it's her husband in one sentence and her boyfriend in another, which is it?

Please write in here when and if you find a person who you really want to marry.

Her detention could have been a lot worse. Your daughter sounds rebellious…and honestly, that’s not unusual for a 15‑year‑old. At that age they’re testing boundaries, pushing limits, and assuming parents will cushion the consequences. From everything you’ve described, you’re handling this in a way that’s firm, fair, and consistent. You didn’t punish her out of anger; you simply refused to shield her from a consequence she knowingly created. That’s good parenting. If you had written a fake excuse, you’d be teaching her that rules only matter when they’re convenient, and that you’ll always step in to fix things for her. That’s a lesson that comes back to bite later.

Perhaps wearing uniform on a weekend is "harsh" from a child's perspective. It depends on what it implies in their context.

Mine did multiple times. I’m carrying his baby again. She finds out then he’s on a dog leash for a while. As soon as she drop her grand he’s back in my bed.

If so how many? I’m pregnant with my 4th child to my married lover. We have been on and off for 12 years. Does your MN see your kid/kids?

Wearing a uniform and writing and reflecting on how she got into trouble is NOT harsh punishment. Not even close. I am confused that you think wearing a uniform on a Saturday is harsh punishment. Not ... even ... close ... to being "harsh." Not on the same planet, not the same universe as "harsh."

Thank you. It’s been hard. The thought of her moving her stuff out of the apartment and being in pain makes me feel a pain I’ve never felt before. Can’t even describe it

If you call someone a narcissist, of course they aren't going to pick up the phone! And then you doubled down and kept calling her

I glanced through your post and thought that you were the controlling boyfriend, BEFORE I read the comments and found out that you are apparently her friend. Just... what??? This is not your problem. You're not her psychologist. If it bothers you that much, stop being friends with her. That's all you can do. Judging someone for reading romance novels is a new low, though, so I suspect that she's not going to miss your friendship much.

Okay, so this is like the third time you're describing her school outfit in great detail from head to toe. And the second time you've repeated that you're going to make her walk around shops in this uniform... I don't understand why you're so fixated on letting us know what exactly she's going to wear to school, and telling us that you're going to be parading her around in it. And honestly? This fixation is kinda giving me the creeps. Are you SURE you're a mom?

You did the right thing! Kudos to you, and all the best for your recovery. It'll feel awful for a while, but the negative emotions are only temporary, while you've made both of your futures better and brighter. You should be proud of yourself.

What would be the point of this? I'm startingn to get the sense that you're now trying to over-compensate for not having the courage to stand the ground with her in the past. Over-doing it in the manner described above is going to make things worse and won't help her respect your authority as a parent.

mail the frying pan to her house. that way you don't have to respond to her. and block her number.

i have had a massive row with my daughter this evening she wont leave off about me getting her out of her saturday detention, so now i have taken your advie and imposed my own punishment, i have told her i will be picking her up from her satuday detention, then i am going to take her shopping in her school uniform , when she gets home she will be confined to her room for the rest of the weekend, my daughter says she will sneak out of her room, so i said if necerssary i will lock her in her room ?

Attempts to diagnose your friend are misplaced. If you find her that annoying, spend less time with her, and focus on finding more secure people with whom to surround yourself. Secure people tend to gossip less and inspire others more through their own productivity, talents, and exploration of creative things. Finding fault with others doesn't tend to be on their radar.

I second this. I'd tell her the subject is closed, and if she raises it with me again, I'll tack on my own punishment, like taking her phone away. I'd reflect on why daughter has gained the notion that lying is okay, and that I'd be willing to do it for her. It sounds like she has learned how to manipulate you, and you've modeled for her that it's easy. Maybe it's been easier for you to give into it rather than buckle down and teach her that she can't always get what she wants? I'd make it my goal to teach her that lying and manipulating are serious character flaws that will harm her in the real world. I would NOT do this merely by speaking about it, I would make it my resolution to model it and enforce it for her as well.

Your grief is natural, and my heart goes out to you both. You did the right thing.