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No sé por qué me respondes en español porque creo que la mayoría de la gente acá no hablan, pero por suerte yo sí Bueno sí, puede ser, pero es como fumar "a veces para relajarse", no tiene sentido hacer algo adictivo y peligroso solo para "acostumbrarse". No se puede substituir comunicación humano de verdad. Para familiarizarse con el ambito tiene mucho más sentido ir a eventos sociales, probar nuevos pasatiempos etc, aún ir a tomar un café y hablar con la gente por la calle.

Claro, pero realmente es lo mismo hablar con chatgpt que con eso no? Al final es simplemente hablar con un chatgpt pero personalizado, "disfrazado" por decirlo de una manera, simplemente para familiarizarse un poco con el ambito, no digo que vaya a basar mi vida social en ello sabes.

His wife is the one he really wants but I'll bet you anything she will no longer touch him with a 10 foot pole. He reminds me of a friend of my parents who cheated constantly because after his wife caught him in his 1st affair she was turned off to him sexually but stayed for the kids and her Christian faith. He continued to have sex with randoms but was never fulfilled emotionally by them.

Why on earth do you want a man like this at all? He's beyond gross. He isn't necessarily emotionally unavailable. He's just a jerk who doesn't care. There's a big difference.

No. Get away from this poisonous clown as quickly as you can, before he drains the life out of you. The horse s**t about you not understanding anything about parenting because you're not a parent is both rude and stupid. Maybe point out to him that if he'd been a better parent his daughter wouldn't be such a messed up little a**h**e and so he's in no position to preach about parenting. This is a common theme among people with really messed up kids, if you dare suggest that they caused the problem, or enable it, you'll hear a whole lot of deflection and denial. He's a weak, ineffective parent and his daughter's a 24/7 nuisance. He's using you for accommodation when he's working near your house, he's treating you like you're a simpleton, you spend special occasions alone while he runs around bum-kissing his daughter. Just cut this loser dead, block him, find yourself an intelligent man that doesn't come with off-spring drama and a load of stress. Also, yes, blaming you for the problems which his behaviour is causing is gas-lighting.

I guarantee you that trying to touch her "to build attraction" is going to come off as weird and creepy no matter how you do it. Touching is something that happens naturally when you already HAVE mutual attraction. You're going about it the wrong way around.

I wouldn't read too much into it. "FWB" stands for "friends with benefits" - were you actually friends? If you were, it's not unusual for people to make contact on social media years later. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. You can choose to respond or not respond, it's entirely up to you.

So, he didn’t only lie to her, he lied to you too. He isn’t treating you any different from his other affair partners. He doesn’t want to commit to you, and he lies to you. For all you know, he might be having an affair with someone else right now, telling her that you and he are broken up. This is a man that is accustomed to have tiers and layers of affairs, is used to live in a tangled web of lies, deceit, and lack of responsibility.

Here’s what I don’t like about him. During his relationship w that other GF, he cheated on her with me at least 7 times… many more if you count sexting me & not just actual sex. Now, he tells me they were broken up all of those times, but the ex GF was devastated when I told her & said she was just working at night those days (like, the exact dates we had sex, when she asked me). He tells me he misses her but she left him bc he refused to divorce his wife & marry her. I’m like, so then she couldn’t have been so great?? She was also (at least) his 3rd affair, so it couldn’t be much of a marriage anymore, so why was it so hard to leave his wife for this other girl? Is he just emotionally unavailable & wants women until he has to do anything “real” for them?

There's a good chance that's what it is. I have an ex BF from nearly 10 years ago who, four years after we broke up, rang me to tell me he was getting married and said, "she's not you but she'll do". He was literally ringing to see if there was any hope, and it was super-dooper cringey and awkward. I think your woman is doing the same thing. You thought it was just a brief fling, but she's still got a wall covered in photos of you .

What you've just said is a huge leap based on an incorrect recollection. There was a specific issue we were dealing with at the time. Her libido had tanked due to a combination of factors, including work-related stress, depression flare-ups and perimenopause. Everything else about my relationship I am more than happy with. I stated as much in my thread at the time. You came to her defence and took exception to the way I articulated some things about her low libido, because I suppose you could relate to feeling a similar way? The situation has not changed a hell of a lot since then. She doesn't have a huge desire, but she's also making more of an effort in other ways. She has made a conscious effort to moderate her response to my needs, and I've been very tactful and patient when conveying that I have unmet needs. We have a really good thing. We are perfectly matched human beings on an emotional level. Best friends, ultimate trust and love spending every minute together. Like all healthy, solid relationships, we have adapted to the challenges we have faced. This woman from 6.5 years on the other hand, *she* messaged me, not the other way 'round! Yeah, I looked at her profile out of curiosity, but I had no intention of ever having anything to do with her again. I want nothing to do with her. Period. I'm simply a human being with curiosity. I was taken aback a little by her reaching out to me, and since I have no intention to act on the message, I was just curious what others might have thought were her motivation. Being curious about someone else's behavior does not mean it correlates to how I feel about my own relationship. We were simply navigating a tricky situation, as every couple does through periods of their relationship. The dots you are trying to connect do not lead to anything.

You had a big thread a few months ago where you were talking about how you weren't happy in your relationship. I wonder what the update is with that, and if your curiosity about this woman is a manifestation of your dissatisfaction in your current relationship.

I believe she is not right in the head. Like, she is a fully functioning human professionally, but socially she's kinda weird, and gives me bunny-boiler vibes. You are correct, though. There would not be much logic behind it. I can't see an intention that isn't somewhat nefarious, nor an outcome that'd be positive if I responded.

I'm well aware of how SM algorithms work. To be honest I'm surprised it took this long to ever see her profile. It never showed on Facebook at the time we were flingin' and I *always* kept messages to text via cellphone number only. You are correct, I'm not going to go there. If I uncork that genie, I don't know what could come out. On the other hand, I'm still curious and I know I could easily block her if she is weird.

It's weird that she would think I was anything other than what I'd transparently outlined from the first time we met, which was *not* relationship material (at the time). It's an interesting take, perhaps there's something to her thinking she'd have one last try? It's just weird, though. As though I didn't give enough of a vibe that I wasn't keen for a relationship with her, she think 6.5 years later, where I've been in a LTR for 5+ years with someone else, that all of a sudden it would be different if she messaged me? Even if I wanted to message her fiancè, he does not seem to have a Facebook account. She's posted all these photos, vacations to Disneyland (with his two pre-teen children and her playing the doting stepmom), but no tags with him. Even her relationship status just says 'engaged'. But, yeah. The poor dude is being treated like a schmuck. He seems besotted with her, from the SM posts, he's not short of a dollar (if that rock on her finger is anything to go by). He bought her a new BMW coupè. It's kinda sad.

Young women can get away with being a bit risque in their style of dress, on a middle-aged woman being bra-less just makes her look like a thirsty old boiler. Sounds like your wife has found some self-respect and is no longer interested in making a fool of herself in order to satisfy your fantasies. Maybe the chiropractor told her to grow up and stop flashing her chest at him. Not all men are sleazy.

Yes, good analogy. Connections are like relaxing into the feeling of listening to good music. When you hear something that doesn't resonate with you, that feeling won't happen. This speaks of your private limits, which is why some songs that resonate with others won't strike you that way. So that's why it makes no sense to allow fears of rejection to paralyze you. You can't plan a guarantee of perfect harmony with another. You won't be everyone's favorite music. But someone else will love your music, so don't change it. People who try to apply logic to everything will talk themselves out of trying just about everything. That's stagnation, not living. Everything worth anything is experimental and experiential. Perfectionism is not your friend. Save that for math. Everything else is a dance to the music it generates organically.

Probably because I question if it's just me being picky or truly a lack of feelings.

Again, you're seeking a formula, and that will mess you up. You can't 'plan' an organic connection. That's nature's job. Calculating a strategy when you're with a woman is stilted and awkward--and it will come off that way. Unless and until you find yourself naturally inclined toward a touch, don't bother trying to force it. Skip tactics and allow yourself to relax into your time with your date. That's the only vibe that can inspire her to do the same. When that happens, you likely won't even notice when you touch her until you've done it; it will be that natural.

If you weren't feeling a spark with her, and no romantic feelings, then of course continuing to date her when you're not feeling it would have been the wrong thing to do. I'm not sure why you are doubting yourself so much about that.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s incredibly painful when someone moves on before you’ve even had time to breathe. What you’re feeling is completely normal.

Think of all the people over your lifetime who you've admired, respected, enjoyed, and even loved in certain ways. Did you necessarily want to marry them? Most people are not our match. Those are natural odds, which drive natural selection. While I believe there's some evolutionary truth to a biochemical 'hunt' prompt in humans that can be triggered in the same way that running from a bear signals it to chase, that flood of hormones is about aggression, not love. But sure, a potential partner who offers a bit of a challenge can raise those chemicals into a great high. But one difference between that temporary high of pursuit versus the kind of high one enjoys from a connection that thrives is an enduring sense of finding one's true home. I've known my share of chasers, and when they've surprised themselves by finding actual love, it was rooted in simpatico, centeredness, and a strange combo of excitement tempered by a feeling of peace. So when you know, you'll know. Meanwhile, there's no reason to berate yourself for not being able to force a fit with anyone, no matter how fabulous they are.

What you see is what you get. It's the most this man offers you, and it's on his terms. If this is enough for you, then here you are; enjoy it. If it's not, then you're the only one in your driver's seat. Decide whether you'll stop messing around with him, which would include blocking him and avoiding his attempts to influence you. You don't mention your age and whether the 'more' you want includes children of your own. If so, you're the only one with the bio-clock, and you cannot ever get your fertility years back to re-live over again. If this isn't a factor for you, then you have the luxury of taking all the time you want to decide how long to stay involved with this man. But he's not going to make your visions happen. This is it.

Have you considered that she may want to adopt more respectful choices of clothing and exposure for 4 children? Kids don't want to see their mother's boobs flashing around as they are growing into learning about their own sexuality. I can understand shooting for sexy on private dates, getaway weekends and vacations while the kids stay with family, but as part of everyday life, maybe wife's definition of parenthood is not focused on your penis?

My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have 4 kids together. We are, I would say, pretty happy in our marriage. We’ve always been pretty adventurous in our intimate life. But lately (or for the past year and a half) she’s been opting to dress more modestly. She’s always known that I enjoy her dressing more on the sexy end of the spectrum. Nothing too crazy. But like, not wearing a bra, and lower cut tops than most women typically wear on a normal day out grocery shopping etc. Like date nights always consist of her finding something as revealing as possible without looking trashy. And she knows I also love when she dresses like that when she’s just going to the store or a doctors by herself. She knows I enjoy other guys checking her out, so she’s gotten to enjoy it too. It even got so far as for her to wear things that would allow for glimpses down her top to see that she’s braless when she’d bend over. She’d do that with me, or even out shopping by herself. I know, it’s not typically for a husband to like other guys checking out their wife. But it’s always been a thing I enjoyed. I don’t know why. And she entertained it for years. Anyways, shes gradually been dressing less revealing. She’s been wearing a bra more. And when asked she says she doesn’t want her nipples being visible all the time. She’d recently been in a car accident and has been going to chiropractor three times per week (this has been going on for about 8 months). The first office she went to, she was still on and off dressing sexy. It was kinda a thing we’d do. I would ask if she had and appointment today, if she said yes, I would say, you should wear something fun. She’d put on something fun and revealing and go to her appointment. Her chiropractor was a guy about her age, just for reference. Anyways, she was on and off in whether she would dress more modest or sexy. But for her appointments, she always dressed sexy. Never a bra, and always something that most guys would enjoy seeing. Again, not trashy, but clearly a woman looking to be seen as sexy. Like she had an appointment on my birthday, and I driver her to it and waited in the car. She wore black leggings and a thin low cut too that you could see the color of her nipples through quite easily. I loved it and she knew exactly what she was doing. So she went to this guy for months, then had to change chiropractors. Since changing, she’s wearing bras everyday now, and nothing low cut. She’s said she’s just wanting to dress more modest. It seems out of nowhere. Like, this has been our normal for years. She’s always known I like her dressing sexy and getting attention from other guys. She even posted nude photos of herself for several years on Flickr just for fun and because she knew I loved it. She’d chat with guys on there and get tons of comments in her pics. She doesn’t do that anymore. But just to say it’s been quite a prominent feature in our relationship. So for her to randomly decide she’s going to dress more modestly, it sounds weird, but it feels like I’m missing some fire that we used to have. I try to get her to do it, and she’ll do little things, but nothing that would be above a normal, attractive outfit. It’s to the point that she got new black leggings that are completely see through when she bends over even a little (she doesn’t wear underwear under them). I haven’t told her because it’s the only sort of exciting thing she wears, but only because she doesn’t know. But it’s fun knowing when she’s laying in the chiropractor table with the bright lights, he can totally see her bum. i don’t know what im asking here. I know this is kinda weird. And the answer is probably that it’s perfectly normal for a woman to decide to dress more modestly. But is it reasonable to be disappointed when literally our whole marriage has played with this preference of mine for her to dress in revealing ways further guys? Any ideas of how I could encourage her to get back to doing that? Or should I just try to let it go? I’m not sure I can though. It’s like a huge source of sexual excitement for me, that’s been there since we started dating at 18, is just gone all of a sudden. It’s hard to just let it go like it wasn’t a major part of our sexual fun for over a decade.