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I agree. The rest is just him throwing around random issues because he doesn't know what else to tell you, OP. He wasn't feeling it, and as much as that can hurt to hear, it's best to leave it there and not keep pressing for reasons. Sometimes we just don't feel the right interest in someone to continue dating.

People who have low standards and no self-respect. They also might be co-dependent.

Firstly I would consider that this might be some kind of scam. But if it's not a scam, if it was true that I had a husband who was capable of doing something so creepy, so violating, then I would be planning my exit from this marriage. I don't believe there is any forgiving this.

Fair enough! I think the point still stands though that maybe slightly silly example of rigid requirements aside, you're allowed to like what you like. OP said he prefers to date slightly younger women as generally finds them more attractive and that was seen as selfish. If a girl came on and said she prefers to date younger guys/taller guys/guys of a certain ethnic background etc nobody would really bat an eyelid. Yes that will limit your dating pool a bit but if you have a type or just aren't attracted to certain other types that's fine, nothing you can really do about it.

Oh no, I didn’t mean that a guy in his 40s can’t or shouldn’t date younger women. I also don’t think that it has much to do with looks. After all, I’m 50, I’m dating a 32 year old woman, and I definitely don’t look gorgeous What I meant was that having such strict age-based or visual requirements for a serious relationship isn’t a smart move, not because the hypothetical 40 year old guy won’t be able to attract and sleep with enough young redheads, but because shallow requirements invariably lead to shallow relationships.

Well, it depends. Most of us men by 40 don't still have all of our hair, what we do have is going grey, we have deeper wrinkles, if we're not on a strict fitness regime we may be a bit chubbier since our metabolism has slowed down, etc. But I have met guys in their 40s who are still gorgeous and get attention from younger women, and theres no sign of their looks fading until much later. So if they pretty much have their pick of who to date, I don't see the problem with narrowing your focus as within that group of people you visually/sexually prefer, there are going to be some who are compatible as well. Now if said guy looks and acts like Homer Simpson sure, I'd say he is being pretty thick and not very realistic but I still think that's his right as long as he's not b****ing and moaning if he has no success.

This is an example of the old, obsolete psychology of patriarchal relationships, when the main goal in life, especially for women, was considered having and keeping a spouse at all costs. Your friend clearly values keeping her husband physically at the expense of her personal happiness, self-respect, and freedom. That’s why she’ll chase him when needed and won’t see that as humiliating. This mentality still surfaces today occasionally, especially in backward societies. I’ve heard women from a certain non-Western country where I grew up say too many times how they resort to all sorts of tricks and manipulations to “keep” their husbands should they become disinterested. They even forgive their incessant cheating as long as they provide and come home at night, and sometimes have affairs themselves. Ultimately, this stems from objectification of people and a materialistic approach to life. When people believe that the goal of life is to have things, then spouses also become those things, just very valuable ones. Happiness, freedom, and meaningful connections are sacrificed to getting and keeping objects.

Well, if a close friend of mine said that, I’d bluntly tell him, “Don’t be an idiot”. The desire to only date redheads between 25-35 when you’re 40 isn’t morally reprehensible, it’s just dumb, because it highlights superficial compatibilities at the expense of deeper, more important ones, hence greatly lowering the chances of finding a suitable partner. The keyword here, of course, is only. As in, if the woman isn’t a 25-35 year old redhead, it’s a dealbreaker. There is nothing wrong with simply preferring a certain age and a visual characteristic.

Hi, I don't know how make this, I am new and my english is bad. Lately I've been feeling tired, frustrated by stupid things, and sometimes my own family irritates me. Let's just say they're not the best family in the world, but they're not bad either. I love them, but they often irritate me. Hearing my parents complain about anything just gets on my nerves. I also have an addiction, not too serious, but when everything else falls apart, I turn to it. I have several friends, and that makes me happy because I genuinely laugh with them, and I'm grateful they're my friends. I also feel like I've lost friends I thought would be my lifelong friends. Things with my girlfriend aren't going well; we haven't seen each other in a month and a week. What the hell is that? I know she loves me, but she's very much a homebody because of her parents, and I'd like to see her, but there are always obstacles. I feel like she doesn't make the effort she should to at least see me once a week, and our relationship feels very distant compared to the years we were together (we've been dating for almost four years). I don't know if this is the right forum to post this. I haven't told anyone how I feel, not a single person. I don't even know if people will make fun of me or something like that XD. Thanks if you read it all.

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Hi! I've always been curious about this, partly because I like to understand how relationships work, and partly to see what other people do wrong and see if I can learn something. In short, this female friend of mine is always complaining about how her current husband, with whom she has two children, doesn't commit. I can mention a few things: 1) Before their second child, she was desperate because they were planning to have it, but he didn't seem very happy. Then she managed to get pregnant, and after the baby was born, everyone was happy and content, and he would always jokingly repeat to her, "Well, you know, Mommy loved you so much," or "You wanted this baby so much," and laugh, or he would jokingly say to the little boy, "Daddy didn't want you, but here you are." 2) She wants him to make plans for them, like scheduling vacations, going out, and many other things, but in the end, it's always her doing that gets things done. Like their marriage, she was waiting the proposal but at the end He never did it, and was Her doing so. Everything, from children to marriage, was always something she came up with, and he slowly accepted her requests, to keep her on tenterhooks. And this friend of mine was always complaining that something was wrong, and then when she got it, they were happily ever after. The cycle repeats for every stage of a couple's life. Basically, what didn't convince me was knowing that when she was planning on having their second child, she posted on social media that their relationship was ending, precisely because she felt "insecure" about her relationship with her current husband, and she pretended to be "interested" or "flirting" with other men, just to see his reaction. I've never understood why she didn't simply break away from this man, rather than having to demand his attention. What drives people to behave this way? From what little I can gather, this person has already been damaged by this man's behavior. Furthermore, she has low self-esteem, which prevents her from loving herself. In fact, I've seen her at times in her life search for strength within herself, but in the end she gives in, perhaps because he provides a lifestyle, or she simply remembers that she has to "cage" him somehow to allow him to provide for the children. I truly believe that ultimately, for these types of people, there are two solutions: The first is to simply stay in their current situation; the second is to understand what they're going through and realize that the person they're with isn't healthy. Once they've experienced being with someone who loves them and creates a safe place for them, they can never go back. Have you experienced this too?

I'm not sure what insight you thought we could give you. We're not mind readers and we would only be guessing based on nothing if we tried to speculate as to why she messaged you. Hence, if you truly want nothing to do with her then it's unclear what the point of this post was. Unless on some level, even if you weren't consciously aware of it, you got satisfaction out of reliving the experience though telling the story of your fling with her.

I agree. While I might get a lot of flak for it I feel its a little bit strange the amount of criticism OP has gotten for a preference. I feel sometimes if women do it it's viewed as empowering and going after what you want if men do it it's selfish and stupid. For example if a guy is 40 and only wants to date redheads between 25-35 I would say have at it, that's his choice, as long as he doesn't get bitter and mad if he can't find any of said redheads who want to date him. It only really becomes a problem if there is a DiCaprio situation where you are a 50 year old man dating college age women and there is a massive power imbalance.

It's really sad that you are hinging your entire sense of self-worth on whether these two loser men wanted to be with you. Your self-respect and self-worth shouldn't be dependent on a man... it's something you cultivate within yourself, and it actually guides you to make good decisions about which men are worth your time and which aren't.

These are the types of people true crime documentaries are made about.

Indeed, it sounds like both of you are a disaster. I'm not sure why you would say such things to someone you supposedly care for, or why she would say some of those things to you. I suspect though there are some ulterior motives on her side. She definitely doesnt care about you.

The breakup has nothing to do with stressing him out. He said very clearly that he doesn’t feel the spark, isn’t attracted to you enough, and doesn’t see a future with you. If that’s not a compelling reason for a breakup, then what is? You did the right thing by breaking up with him. You deserve to be with a guy who really likes you and wants to be with you. Choosing food is a very small thing, and if he get stressed out because of that, it’s entirely his problem.

If you say such awful things to people, it looks like your have some serious issues that go beyond the present case. I strongly suggest that you seek a good therapist to help you with your issues such as disastrously low self esteem, unrealistic views of relationships, and anger management.

Lol well I guess I found out where everyone was and why match seems so lacking in activity as of late. I started a Facebook dating account here this past week and after only being on there for about three days I already have about twenty women in my conversation list and have agreed to dates with about four different women. It's odd. You would think that when people are paying for a subscription they would put more effort into it but it almost seems like the opposite. Back when I was doing other free sites like POF people would often respond within minutes and you could get a phone number in just about thirty minutes or less of just being matched with someone. And it's the same on Facebook dating. One thing though is that Match does have a higher quality of users though then the free sites do though. Not talking about if they are looking for just sex or an actual relationship but more about the status they have in life. For instance on Match I met up with a lady who was a judge and a lady who had a seat in the House of Representatives.......still occasionally get together with her. On free sites you generally don't see people in positions like that.

Sure go ahead and send a follow up message but if they don't reply back or just give a very quick and short reply best to move on from it. One thing to remember about online dating is that most people ignore 80% of people and everyone wants to talk to that remaining 20%. So that 20% of people usually have their choice of who they want to talk to (especially women). People who have nice looking pics and seem charismatic and conversational are often talking to several people at once. And just through personal experience as someone who gets a lot of attention on dating apps I usually shorten the list from time to time because it gets to the point to where you are talking to just too many people and it takes up too much of your time. I'm sure most others who get a lot of attention online do the same.

No reason not to shoot your shot, but dont expect much. Its very common in online dating that someone will act interested at first and just get bored quickly. Usually if it is really on they will show interest consistently.

It seems like your self-esteem is so low that you feel you have nothing to offer but your money. I personally would not be sending financial help to anyone I was dating, shes a grown woman and should be taking care of that herself. Like others say it seems to me like she was running game on you, it wouldn't surprise me if she has an actual boyfriend who is in on the act, possibly the individual who sent you that strange message. Either way its not a good idea to be in a relationship with anyone with massive drug debts, if that is even the case and not just a pity ploy. Block and delete her asap and go away and do some serious work on your self-esteem. Start with ditching this idea that the minute you meet someone you should start sending them money to win them over, you should have more to offer than that.

Following up from my last post. I have now broken up with the guy I was dating for 3 months. He said I’m not the one and he can’t see a future with me and don’t believe we can be life partners. I still don’t understand how can he say he can’t see a future with me when he doesn’t even know me that well yet. I can say for sure I don’t fully know him either. I couldn’t let the thought go so after the break up I asked him what make him think that. I also asked how do you know I’m not the one so early on without getting to know me. He said he wanted that spark/romantic feelings, but he didn’t feel it when he met me. He said we’re great together and everything was good, his attracted to me, but it missing that extra percentage that he been looking for, the initial spark. He then said when we have to decide what to eat for lunch or dinner, I can’t seem to decide what to eat and it stress him out. I’m not being able to just pick a cuisine or a dish, make him feel he have to search a lot and end up making the decision because I couldn’t. I usually would tell give him 2 options of cuisine so he can choose, I never thought that was a problem and didn’t know it stress him out that much. Then he said when it come to going on date I don’t ever plan, it always him having to plan and it stress him out. I didn’t think that’s true. When I asked him what he want to do he always tell me to decide. I gave him a list of things we could do and ask him to pick from there since I don’t know what his interested in. So once he pick the activities we then agree we do it on a weekend we both free. He then said I don’t plan what time we should wake up, whether we should have lunch first or pack lunch, what time to go do the activity. He said I don’t plan, so he end up having to decide everything. I didn’t know he want it to be like a schedule, I thought we just decide as we go since there no set time for the activity. He didn’t communicate with me what was bothering him, I didn’t know it stress him out. If I knew I would have plan everything for us, I don’t mind planing. He then said I’m a little spoil, which is not true and it hurt a bit. Now I feel really bad for stressing him out. I started thinking if only I could make the decision on what food to eat he wouldn’t need to decide. If only I take the initiative to plan the date, he wouldn’t feel like he always doing it by himself and feel stress about it. It make me regret a lot and wish I did more, maybe then he wouldn’t break up with me. I just wish he communicate with me what was bothering him, it such a small issues that we could have resolve instead of breaking up. It makes me feel so frustrated and hurt. I can’t stop thinking about what if I did more, I plan more, I don’t create stress for him, maybe we will still be together then.