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Not only based on how you like her vibe, but also how she likes your vibe. These things develop mutually. How is being friendzoned related to what we’re discussing here? You get friendzoned when the girl doesn’t like you romantically but you still want to be around her, and she’s fine with that.

Wow. How freaking selfish can you be? If she does get pregnant, I feel very sorry for the child.

I'm not familiar with that book, but upon looking it up one of the things it's supposed to talk about is authenticity, which basically means you're not meant to use some ready made script (such as a dating guide) to do the work for you. It sounds kind of pick-up or at least pick-up adjacent. One of the problems with pick-up (for me) is that it given shy or socially awkward young men the idea that there is some scientific formula for being attractive to women when there really isn't. Attractive guys are strong-minded, independent, brave, comfortable with themselves and transmit that energy to those around them. Maybe at the moment you feel you are none of these things but you're still very young and a good first step is to just start loads of friendly conversations with the people around you, pretty girl or otherwise, explore and have fun, and be authentic as the book says, without trying to follow some rigid script. And if you feel awkward or weird or some people seem to judge you for how you are to hell with them, they don't matter.

I read the book: Models by Mark Manson a while back. At the time, I tried to relate my way of approaching with what was said in models. Would it be a better idea to thow away my approach and just rely solely on the knowledge from Models?

You judge the vibe between you, if you feel like you are into her and she is maybe into you, you can suggest doing something together and get her contact. It is simple actually, what's difficult is people overcomplicate on overthink it, as you are doing a bit at the moment, and get stiff and awkward. At the very beginning of the conversation though I would just be friendly, dont go in the only goal being getting a date. But if she seems to be flirty as well as friendly, go for it.

So in a sense, have an unfiltered conversation (Not too unfiltered where I say something incredibly obscene or offensive) and just go with the flow, not trying to orchestrate anything, and ask her out based on if I like her vibe or not? Apologies if I'm overthinking this, but isn't there a risk that I might be friend zoned or is that only if I don't ask her out? It sounds a bit too simple.

You are being too careful and too methodical. There can be no precise instructions here. These things should develop organically and individually. If you plan every action and measure every step, she will know that and feel uncomfortable and pressured. Don’t make it into a bucket list with items like “make her laugh” or “give her a compliment”. Just talk to her and sense the vibe. If she’s friendly and appears to like you, ask her out. Of course you don’t need to be friends with her before doing that. Friendship is an altogether different thing. It usually takes a longer time to become genuine friends than it does to be romantically involved. By the time you are real friends, any hints of romance have already been nipped in the bud. If they haven’t, then it just gets creepy.

Curious.... Talking to him for 5 years online did you two ever video chat? Also in that 5 years did you both ever say I Love You?

Say this is the first day of the semester, I walk in and see a girl I'm into. Assuming this would be our first interaction, should I just sit next to her, have a conversation where I try to make her laugh and give her a few genuine compliments, and then if I like the vibe of the conversation, say something like: "Hey, I like talking to you, we should meetup outside of class and grab coffee" If she seems receptive: "How about we meet at (Coffee place), are you free around (Time)?" I know some people say to become friends with her before asking her out, but what if she thinks the reason I wanted to be friends with her was to ask her out? If she says no, I'll politely acknowledge it and maybe try to turn the rejection into a humorous moment for the both of us if the opportunity presents itself.

And a Monthly Check....

So then you accept that she wants you for having a child but not as a husband.

also be careful about being the creepy guy that works at the gym that hits on customers and makes them uneasy.

I completely agree. This over-reliance on texting is a strange modern trend that is surprisingly old-fashioned, harking back to the times when people wrote long letters to each other and saw that as a romantic relationship.

Lots of good advice above. I will just add that your habit of daily texting is not serving you. It leads to a false sense of intimacy which has not actually had a chance to develop in person. True emotional intimacy takes time and it can't be built in text. Exchange a few texts to assess interest, make a date, go on the date. If there's interest for a second date, keep going. But don't try to build the relationship in text. In the early days especially, text is for making and confirming plans and possibly for a quick check-in if there is going to be a big gap between dates. That's it.

You can't dampen the way you feel unfortunately, but you can work on recognising they are just feelings and not necessarily a reflection of reality. A couple of years ago I had similar feelings about someone I met once. I had to go away for 3 months after the first date and we kept in contact with my expectations building sky high. When we finally met up for the second date she started a petty argument, stormed off and I never saw her again. So she turned out not to be "the one" despite how I felt. And it hurt like hell because I allowed myself to get carried away because as others have said in my thread I didnt measure my feelings with the thought of "I dont really know this girl. I dont know if we're suited together, if we really connect or how interested she is really in me". It's great to feel like you've met someone special. Allow yourself to feel those feelings but stay grounded and don't get stuck in mumbo jumbo about the stars aligning because he isn't necessarily going to feel the same as you and you can end up getting wrecked. People also feel an emotional pull to others for the wrong reasons, maybe emotional unavailability or the feeling of a need to fix them. It's better to stay curious, open to connection but grounded and not willing to sign your heart off to just anyone who you dont really know.

Yes and no. He has been extremely unhappy at this job for well over a year now and he has been actively seeking other employment for the past month or two. I do think that his resignation letter was partly an attempt at a wake-up call for his boss because he has been losing so many good employees lately due to the toxic environment, having to do the jobs of multiple people for no extra pay or reward, and extreme micromanagement. However, I also know that he fully intended to find another job and quit, so I think there was intention for both.

Yes, and that's understandable. Maybe I missed it somewhere, but how long ago did you divorce? Perhaps you're still on your way to healing from that?

You can reframe this as your challenge to learn resilience as a crucial life skill. You have goals of partnership that you envision for your future. Those are valid, and so is your value. So any time you're not feeling up for the challenge, take a break and reflect on how important your goal is to you. Keep that focus instead of telling yourself that you're deficient in some way. You are not. Most people are NOT our match. That's natural odds, natural selection. It works both ways. Rejections are the limits of another's lens. That's not a reflection on you. The right person will view you through the right lens. All others will pass early. Dating is trial and error. It's experimental. It's getting to know a person--not lapsing into premature relationship-mode. Think of it like seeking your needle in a haystack. Each time a strand seems like the needle, decide how upset you 'must' become whenever, on closer inspection, it is not. When two puzzle pieces don't fit together, neither is 'wrong'. Both are equally valuable; they just don't belong fitted together. Head high.

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Tokopedia Menyediakan layanan WhatsApp? Untuk menghubungi Tokopedia melalui (WA)62.0855-1212-305 kamu bisa mengikuti.

Nomor Whatsapp..? untuk menghubungi Tokopedia Seller adalah Chat +62.0855.1212.305.) Anda bisa menggunakan nomor ini untuk mendapatkan bantuan Tokopedia..

Hi, thanks for the reply. So, I could not be more aware that I got attached too quickly. Even in the moment I knew, I never wanted to put expectations on anyone. I’m not insane, I didn’t think he was the one, but I thought he had more potential to be the one then anyone I’ve met in many many years (and maybe only a few in my lifetime), and that got me overexcited. Keep in mind this was also the first person I dated in 15 years, this is all new to me and I’m emotionally vulnerable. I mentioned my type, not to label myself in the dating world, but to give anyone who knows shorthand for a few facts about me such as: I’m very sensitive, deeply empathetic, value genuine connection and don’t connect superficially well with others. It also means that I have sat with myself and thought over my thoughts and feelings from every single angle. It also means that I carry shame for feeling so much, and have spent many a year teaching myself to be okay with me and not ashamed of how much I feel and care, and actively try to therapize my way out of my feelings. I have spent weeks thinking about why I attached to him particularly so quickly, why I only attach to very specific people, how I can adjust my feelings and expectations. I’ve spoken to my therapist,, I’ve journaled, I’ve gone on many a walk. I actively work on my mental health but I don’t know how to tamp down the way that I feel. It’s been weeks, and I turned to this forum in desperation. I don’t know how to control my thoughts, and I’ve spent hours and weeks dissecting them. I just feel like I’m too sensitive for the current dating environment.

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