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Yes, there’s something about the consistency of this friendship I really like… it’s been 7 years and he hasn’t bailed from my life despite showing some unflattering (even crazy) sides of me … I know I’m going to hear good morning from him every day and we’ll always been having passionate sex that pushes boundaries, and he’s good at finding the nicest places for us to go out, and we have our standing day of the week for sleepover

I really appreciate the responses. It is what I already knew, but wished it was different. I have never been great at prioritizing myself. I have always felt terrible about ending a relationship with someone who expresses that they are so in love with me even when my feelings are less, but I know this has to be done. I wish it did not make me feel like such a jerk though. I could maybe even get past the lack of oral sex , but the lack of french kissing even while making love creates a dynamic where there is just not enough passion and staying aroused is a challenge. It makes for very boring sex for us both I am sure. I appreciate everyone’s advice.

Well if you're willing to settle for this, and accept the fact that he'll never be in an official, committed relationship with you, and will probably cheat, then that's totally your choice to make.

That’s an interesting take. In some ways, it seems like he cares about me enough to be honest about his faults & shortcomings, & I’m being spared some stuff. he’s often said “I’m a horrible partner” but that he really does care about me and that he demonstrates such by taking me out to nice places, having sleepovers and contacting me all the time. We seem to have a steadier “relationship” where we’re close friends who think highly of each other & still always have the passion, than he has in actual relationships

If you feel that your needs aren't being met in this relationship, then definitely end it. There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship over sexual incompatibility. That's not shallow. Sexual compatibility is an essential part of a relationship.

This seems like a bit much to me... you work such long hours during the week, that the only day you actually spend with your family is Saturdays. Once a week. Why would you take something on your plate that takes you away from your family for pretty much the whole day on Sundays also? It sounds like you are hardly ever home except for once a week.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them' That's the quote that really comes to mind here.

A bummer? No.Thank god he doesn't want a relationship. Why? He's showed you many times that he's a horrible partner to whomever he's dating (or married to) It would be naive to assume he wouldn't treat you exactly the same way if you were actually in a relationship with him. A relationship with him would likely involve a lot of heartache for you, lonely nights wondering where he is amd who he's cheating with, wondering when he is going to call or come home, feeling tearful and on edge because you know he isn't monogamous or trustworthy and probably off having sex with another woman while you keep checking your phone for a message from him. In other words, the relationship you dream of with him is just that - a dream. The reality would very likely be awful.

If you’re starting to feel like he’s uncomfortable, it might help to just ease off a bit and keep things friendly but neutral. Cashiers meet tons of people every day, so it’s easy to misread signals. Give it some space, keep interactions casual, and see if his vibe changes. If he’s interested, he’ll usually make that clear on his own.

Yes, all true. We have one overnight every week, and he always takes me to nice dinners and we have great sex and in the morning he kisses me on the cheek goodbye before work. He texts me good morning & then we talk basically all day every day. Make plans like concerts and little trips. It’s definitely a bummer that despite all of this he’d “not want a relationship,” because I’ve long felt he’s quite emotionally attached to me.

Why can't it be both? Every decade puts you at a pretty different stage in your life. Apart from kids or sexual attraction there are a lot of reasons to want to date people who are your own age or younger. Ok, if a 25 year old doesn't want to date a 35 year old it is probably one or both of the above. But if I'm say 40 and in the midst of my life and career it's reasonable not to want to date someone who's in their 60s, staring at retirement and to be blunt I know they've only got a certain amount of years left and I will have to deal with that loss while I am still relatively young. It seems like because you're not into relationships yourself you view kids and sex appeal as the only things people consider. And yes fwiw I know OP said he prefers slightly younger women because he finds them more attractive and I can see why people take issue with that. I still dont think you can equate it to something like 50 year old Dicaprio exclusively dating 19 year olds, or that it invalidates the issue in the lie that this woman he was dating told.

Yes usually anytime someone puts an age range down that is tailored either younger or older than them it is usually viewed as a red flag to people who aren't interested in the same thing you are because age ranges are more about sexual interests than relationship interests. If you are really interested in finding a relationship on apps it is probably better to not put down an age range at all. Or if you do put it down it's best to put your own age right smack in the middle.

We plan 2 trips a year, every 6 months. 7 days. But she's actually planning a weekend out

Do you mean you can't afford it?

There's not really anything for us to go off here. If you like him, ask him out. If you are turning up every day just to stare at him yes, maybe you will make him uncomfortable.

I’m M35 and my wife is F31, and we’ve been having some issues lately. We have two kids, and I work long hours, usually 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Monday through Friday. We usually spend Saturday afternoons together as a family, and I try to make sure we have at least one date night a month, just the two of us. On Sundays I manage a golf team, so I’m out from about 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. For the past year, my wife has been complaining (mostly to her female friends) that I never make plans, that everything is on her, and that I just go along with things without really caring. She makes it sound like I’m disengaged. Also, she is upset at me. Sometimes I get a Sunday off and I take her with me when I can, but it still feels like she doesn’t believe I’m putting in effort. Now she’s planning a weekend trip for us. I told her I don’t think we really need another trip since we went on one six months ago. She still wants to go, and she’s planning to take her mother and the kids. I told her she can go if she wants, but I also said again that I don’t think this trip is necessary. I'm actually doing good as a man, but I don't know why her behaviour is something like this

What even is the point of this? You already know enough about her to know that the two of you are very sexually incompatible. You've only been together for 5 months. If you are "certain that you cannot deal with this", just break up and tell her that you don't think you're compatible and wish her the best for the future. There's absolutely nothing "unfair" about doing that. In fact, the opposite is true - if you said "do it or I'm leaving", that's basically coercion. You've already informed her about what you need in bed, and she's informed you that this sexual act is traumatizing to her. The right thing to do absolutely is to let her go.

Yes, of course. I think it's possible for both things to simultaneously be true. It's wrong to lie and the OP should leave. But also OP might benefit from a bit of introspection, if he truly wants to find a happy and healthy LTR. I'm a woman in the OP's "desired range". Also, I (and many of my friends) have been in happy marriages/LTRs for many years. Most of us would consider it a dealbreaker if a guy wanted to only date people 1-10 years younger than himself, even though we are in his preferred range. It's a massive red flag.

You can't make someone enjoy sexual or intimate acts that they just don't enjoy. She's very unlikely to ever enjoy these things. You would be wise to en d it now if they're that imporant to you, as it's a sexual incompatobility that is almost surely going to get worse over time.

Can you tell us why you think this?

What do you want from the cashier? Do you want to date him? What are you doing that you think might be making him uncomfortable? Do you know anything about him, like whether he has a girlfriend?

You're sexually incompatible, you need to accept that and end the relationship because even if she eventually starts giving you what you want it will be because she feels she has to, not because she wants to.

He contacted you for whatever reason, and you chose to ignore it. Your actions sent the message that you don't want to be in contact with him and he took this on board. I know feel that his reaching out was a breadcrumb, but truth is that you really have no idea why he contacted you. The reason he didn't reach out again would be because he has some degree of self esteem. I doubt he's still mad at you. And I doubt he's posting the pictures of his new life to bother you. I would imagine that he's moved on and living a good life. It's time that you did the same for yourself

The hope I held onto here, every waking moment of the day. I felt he was on the same page as I was but worried he may be rejected if he reached out to me. I felt he was scared to reach out. Meanwhile, every thought I planted in my own head turned into a fantasy. And that is the problem. I held on to hope for too long and never accepted the break up and let go. The "fantasy" I told myself turned into a nightmare when I saw that photo on his profile page. This is where I struggle. I cannot let go. Its been 2 years and I cannot let go.

So as the title says, I have a crush on a cashier. A part of me thinks he likes me, but now I believe that he’s becoming uncomfortable with me. I come in every day for coffee and lunch because it’s right across from my job. I can’t really explain all here but if you have questions and need me to clarify anything please ask. Please help honestly because I don’t know what else to do at this point :/.