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Yep, there's plenty of prey out there for people who use others. That's because you've been completely taken advantage of. Why? This is misguided loyalty in action. You owe this user exactly nothing. This was spectacularly rude and is a highly accurate reflection of how much respect she has for you - zero. You thought you were going to some festival or whatever and that you'd naturally be hanging out together at this event. In actual fact you were the hired help, except you weren't even being paid, you were making a donation. Did this ill-mannered free-loader offer you money for fuel, or offer to buy you lunch or dinner for helping her? Sorry to be harsh, but please wake up. Even if she looks like a supermodel the ugly shows through once you start to get entangled with this sort of person. Do yourself a solid and block her.

I believe that if she was interested, she would have let you know when exactly she would be free. "Maybe another better time" is really vague. No one reasonable would expect you to know what that meant. And you definitely don't want to keep running after her and pestering her with the question, "Is this a better time?" So the best thing to do is view this as a soft rejection. The next time someone you like gives you a vague answer, say something that indicates they can let you know when they're free. That way, they'll know the ball's in their court and you don't have to spend time worrying about whether you should pursue them.

Part of me always felt like if it came down to saving us both, he’d choose her, but I also didn’t want to believe it. It’s like I always knew this is how this was going to end, but I believed in us enough to be blind to it. I look forward to the day when I am moved on.

This is the best explanation ever of how I feel. He just kept telling me to be patient. In my head I know he was never going to leave his wife, but my heart was still hopeful.

Please tell me what to do. I welcome it!!! I am only about a week out. I actually blocked him on my phone so that I didn’t have to urge to contact him or be constantly hoping he’d call. I cut out the possibility, which was relieving but my head is all over the place. There was a day this week where I was actually relieved and happy it was over, followed by another day of sadness and missing him. All I have is fake it till I make it, but it’s so hard.

Sincerity and confidence are the key here. If you truly embrace your shyness, it won’t come out as awkwardness, but rather as quirkiness, which can be attractive. Insecurity leads to fear. Fear leads to insincerity. Insincerity leads to the dark side.

Isnt actress Kristen Stewart an introvert?

Fear and introversion are very different things. Introversion is, in a nutshell, feeling uncomfortable when socializing with many people at once. What you are describing is shyness, or perhaps anxiety, not introversion. At any rate, you should first get over your fear, then start talking to her. Fear won’t lead you anywhere. Women are generally not impressed by men who feel scared when talking to them.

Whatever you do, do not contact him! If you need to vent, vent here. I don't know how long ago the end of it took place but as you process everything you're bound to hit a patch where you're feel so bereft and confused that your own head will start playing games with you, looking for ways to take the blame, excuses to contact him and plead with him and apologise for a scenario that is not your fault. Sorry for telling you what to do, I'm sure you've got a grip on it, but you sound like you might be in danger of contacting the a*****e. The best revenge is to move on as if you're unscathed, and if you can't, just pretend until you can.

The problem is that this scenario---and his behavior--is totally predictable. It's not unusual or odd or new or different or creative or surprising. The person dating the married person--and expecting that married person to leave--is just climbing up a wall that has no grips. If the person were really open to leaving their spouse, they would have left them already ... they would have separated already!

I think it’s reasonable to expect that there will be good days and there will be bad days for a long time to come. This is the end of what has been a significant relationship for you. I also think that you are not wrong to question everything… While your experience in this relationship is unchanged, you are now learning this his intention and his investment was not what you thought it was… not an easy thing to come to terms with. It will take time…

To just be your quirky self and dont try to follow some script that you think people want. The right people will understand if you are oversharing etc sometimes, and even find it interesting. Just keep in mind stuff like being respectful etc, but apart from that just be authentic and to hell what anyone thinks!

I am mentally struggling a little bit today. I just don’t understand how you go from being best friends for 12 years to radio silence like that. I could never cut off a person like that so coldly. it has me questioning everything. I have found a therapist to help get beyond this, but I am really at war with myself today.

How can one just lean into the awkwardness and "be themselves"? (which sounds easier said than done)

Haha I would say I'm more of an extrovert with introvert tendencies. I wouldn't worry so much about categorising everything by personality types though, we are all just people complex in our own ways. "Introvert/Extrovert" or "INTJ" or whatever labels you want to use doesn't give you much insight in reality.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I should talk to guys too i keep forgetting

Right. The main thing is just to try and increase your social circle (not just talking to women). Don't worry so much about the outcome. It's no use keeping to yourself all the time wondering about what ifs.

Id rather say whatever comes to mind. In fact if she was in a certain corner of the gym id probably say "im usually there but you beat me to it" lol

I would say in general just try and be friendly and chat for a while. Also you mentioned you're on the spectrum. I would say just lean into the awkwardness and embrace being a little bit quirky. I've met guys on the spectrum who everyone liked because they were just having fun and being themselves and not forcing being "normal". It's fine if one or two interactions are a little bit awkward. You're learning, that's part of the process.

Maybe ill try that next time I see her. I did say "enjoy your workout" before I walked away

In answer the OP, the way to initiate small talk is to initiate small talk. Just do it. I think what you said to her is fine, but its going to be a bit off-putting if you then just walk away and go striaght back to your workout. You could ask a few followup questions like how long shes been coming, where shes from etc. Or you can may a joke like "Damn your biceps are better than mine! How'd you manage that?" Making people laugh is the best way to win them over, I find. If youre a little bit socially awkward as you mentioned, it can take away the edge and can come off as cute if you're relaxed about it.

I agree with the others. A "maybe later/too busy right now" is almost always a no in practice. But one thing I noticed is you said that youve been talking off an on for over a month! If she's super duper into you it may not matter, but if she thought you were cute and was on the fence thats enough time that the interest might fizzle. Next time Id say if you meet a nice girl and she seems interested don't wait for a month, ask her out on a date when you start chatting and use the momentum.

I hear ya. Maybe I shouldn't have said "I see you around occasionally". I just wanted to get over my fear is all despite my introversion. Even in large gatherings I tend to phase out and feel somewhat dizzy so I gotta keep drinking water lol

Oh, I think I’m the textbook definition of an introvert. I can get nearly physically ill from large social gatherings.

Let me ask, are you an introvert yourself?