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I'm not overlooking it, I just don't know how I want to resolve this, or if I even do, or if it's even possible. I don't think I can meet them when they come to visit, I'll probably stay with my parents and he can field any questions over where I am and why. I just can't look her in the eye. It would destroy me.

Yes they are. I'm not sure what I even want from him. It really sucks when you find your kindred spirit and they let you down like this.

I'd never even met him, I'd seen him in a couple of pictures. It's probably more accurate to say they're ex best friends, not ex in the sense that they're no longer friends but ex in that he has many more closer friends now simply due to distance.

Yep, that is true. I assumed my bf who knows my views on cheating would not have ever let this situation happen. I won't say this is as big as him cheating but he made me be involved in cheating and I hate that. It seems that despite the fact that we've been in a truly successful and communicative somewhat open relationship that there's still room for improvement.

This was a huge lack of communication all around. Your bf should have told you that his friend was married. But on the other hand, why wouldn't you ask some basic questions about the friend before going through with this? If not being a part of cheating is so vitally important to you, why wouldn't you ask if the friend is single, just to check? It sounds like no one brought it up and you just assumed.

you've been together for 6 years, and this is your boyfriend's "best friend"? how could you not know your boyfriend's best friend is married?

No. If she wanted to, she would have contacted you. The ball is in her court after she rejected the date with you.

Okay, we need way more context than this to help. So it's been a year without sex... but you say you've never approached him sexually. How does that work? Are you just sitting there hoping he'll initiate? Or have you tried initiating but got turned down? Sex every day to no sex for a whole year is a massive change. But it sounds like you two haven't even talked about it? Why not? I'd imagine most couples would start having conversations around this after a month of no sex, let alone a year... No it's not normal for people to not have sex for a whole year at your age, unless there's extenuating circumstances that you haven't described here.

My thoughts exactly. Surely your boyfriend knew his best friend is married and has children. That's a huge lie of omission. I of course think the friend is repulsive for making you an unwitting party to his cheating, OP, but I am seriously side-eyeing your boyfriend here as well. His choices and atttiude about all of this are deeply concerning.

Think its fine as long as its all consensual etc. Actually dating has a few more considerations than just hooking up.

Lol have to remember @FredEire is pretty young himself and mostly dates people around his own age so take what he says about the sex lives of people older then him with a grain of salt. In my experience in dating women older then me through much of my adult life many women start complaining about the health issues in men when they are in their 60's plus. Women in their 60's who still want a healthy sex life will usually become interested in younger men not so much because they are wanting casual sex from them but because they still want to have an active lifestyle and many men their own age can no longer keep up with them. Most of the time when women in their 50's and younger date younger men (meaning men who are probably 10 plus years younger) they are usually either looking for a one night stand or are just interested in casual sex with a hot guy that doesn't involve a relationship.

Haha yeah don't get me wrong guys can keep libido high into their old age my point is just that it sometimes starts hitting guys in their 40s who haven't looked after themselves and are heavy smokers, drinkers, crappy diet etc. Even those guys will probably get away with it in their 20s and 30s. It probably is either an issue with attraction as you said or hes got some mental stuff going on in terms of intimacy, which is something he should be disclosing and going through if thats the case.

*cough* 50 year old dude here. Libido high, very high. Higher than in the 30’s *cough* Sadly, I think that the OP’s boyfriend isn’t sexually attracted to her anymore, for whatever reason.

You aren’t overreacting. If your boyfriend had known that you wouldn’t participate in an act of cheating before you did the MMF threesome, then I think you’re underreacting. He made you an unwilling accomplice to a dishonest act. That isn’t something that can be overlooked. Even if he hadn’t known that you’d have moral reservations, I think it’s very strange and extremely disrespectful that he failed to mention that his friend was married and would be cheating on his wife.

This is just a basic who is wrong and who is right question. We have been together for a while, close to 6 years and we’ve always had an adventurous sex life. I had long wanted to have a threesome with us and another man and it was always going to happen, it was just a matter of when. His best friend whom he never sees, who now lives overseas, was in town for a week on business and I met him for the first time. And yeah it happened. And then again on the last day he was here. It went well, no jealousy, no issues. I love my bf even more for letting me experience that. That was nearly 9 months ago and he’s about to visit again and I admit I got excited by the thought and asked my bf if we could again. He said he didn’t think we would be able to manage it because his WIFE and KIDS would be with him. I felt so sick. I would never knowingly do that. I cannot believe my bf put me in that situation. I’ve been asked to keep my mouth shut. How can I meet and greet her and welcome her into our home knowing what we’ve done? My bf is adamant it is not our issue. If he cheated that is his issue. We don’t need to be involved in it. But it is my issue now, how can I entertain her while the boys go out and golfing for example when I know that she’s being lied to. I am really angry at my bf but he thinks I’m overreacting, he thinks that we do us and they do them and we don’t need to blur the lines. How do I look this woman in the eyes when she no doubt is going to talk up her husband when I know what her did and worse what he did with me? And one more thing, they do not have an open relationship, that is something that has been made very clear to me now and why I’ve been muted. What do you all think? How big of a lie is this?

31 is not an age where men would usually have low libido for biological reasons, its usually 40s+. That being said it does happen but its usually psychological when youre still relatively young. It could be that he is not into you or it could be that he has personal issues going on, which he should be communicating with you if he values the relationship.

This woman is trying to get you to quit so she doesn't have to terminate you. If II were you, I would start looking for a new job now so that you aren't left with no options when this boss of yours pulls the plug. That's where this is heading.

It’s absolutely not normal when it is so radical and happens so soon in the relationship. If he had a low libido, he wouldn’t be having sex with you daily in the beginning. Libido doesn’t just drop like that in a young man from daily sex to one year without sex. So he is either lying or has some kind of a very serious medical condition that he is hiding from you. Sex is a huge part of relationship, especially this early on and in such an age. You definitely don’t have to stay in a sexless relationship.

It sounds like you’re dealing with someone who hasn’t fully left, but also isn’t fully present anymore. That’s a very hard place to be. One thing I’ve learned is that when a person starts keeping contact but removes emotional depth, it’s usually because they don’t want to lose the connection, but they also don’t have the emotional capacity (or desire) to invest in it the same way right now. Pushing for clarity often makes people in that state withdraw even more, not because your question is wrong, but because they feel overwhelmed by it. You might actually get more engagement by removing the pressure for a while. Keep conversations light, easy, and safe. Let her feel that talking to you doesn’t come with emotional demands. At the same time, quietly observe: if she starts opening up again when things feel lighter, it may truly be stress and emotional shutdown. If she stays distant even when there’s no pressure, then you have your answer without having to chase it. Either way, protect your own peace. You deserve clarity, but sometimes the clearest answers come from what people do, not what they say

That's not normal at all when you are so young, still in your 20s. I would really say that it sounds like this relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.

It does happen but no it is not normal. It often ranges from reasons of disinterest to health issues they are having. If it is affecting your relationship and you are finding yourself because unhappy with it then it is time to potentially end it. Sex is a very significant part of every relationship in most cases and it is a compatibility issue of the two of you aren't aligned with each other about what you want from your sex lives.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he's 31 and I'm 26. We use to have sex constantly at least once a day at the beginning. But now it's been a year with no sex. I'm very keen but he says he has low libido so I haven't ever approached him sexually cause he just not in the mood. It's starting to really effect me because I consider it a huge part of dating/relationships. I'm starting to not feel sexy or desired anymore and wishing someone would give me sexual attention. Is it normal to just stop having sex in your relationship for this long at our age?

This is a bit strange. Do you expect your daughter to only go to gender-segregated beaches as well? She's not going to be doing a lot of swimming with all these restrictions...

Well, honestly it sounds like she does demonstrate affection and desire for you, just not in the way that you want her to. I still don't understand your persistence on her dressing up - as I've said, people typically dress up for themselves, not for their partner. But if that's what you want, then just tell her you've made reservations for the two of you at a really nice restaurant, you've booked the kids a babysitter for the night (make sure you allocate an extra 2 hours so she's not rushing to get ready), and you've just got your suit drycleaned. I imagine she'll dress up as well in that case? Hopefully you're not expecting her to dress up when you're just wearing a t-shirt and jeans... right?

since you indicated English is not your native language, can you explain how this statement was said by her? if a person tells you they "need time away from you" that's usually a bad thing.