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If that is the case, it would actually make sense to text him, no? To tell him I'm sorry if I made him feel that way. And that I regret nothing more than that stupid break. And that I'm here if he changes his mind and wants to talk. I'd fight for this relationship. But I'm really scared that the actual explanation is the usual "just not that into me". Or that he noticed something about me during our trip that he hated. Or that he did actually meet someone else. I don't think I would handle that very well.

I think is the plausible explanation, yes. It likely hasn't been the same for him since you ended it with him those months ago, OP.

He's been feeling uneasy since October, no doubt heightened by the fact that you then had a break up and spent 1-2 months apart (not clear on the timeline here - you had a few weeks apart being friends and then a month of NC is what it seems like). He can understand your actions intellectually but still feel unsettled emotionally. I think it's possible you underestimated the impact of your "hiccup." Yes, he took you back but that can be for myriad reasons, not necessarily that he is ready or able to pick up where he left off. You took that time in October to seriously contemplate whether you could make room in your life for this man. He likely took that time to feel baffled and/or hurt. Perhaps he thought he would be able to carry on as before and only recently discovered that he could not. ETA: I am a woman, but I would have a very hard time coming back from a break where a man told me he did not want me in his life (for whatever reason) and then reversed himself.

I honestly don't think so. But I'm apparently not very good at reading people. So who knows.

Maybe he's met someone else.

Sorry, pressed enter to soon and for some reason I can't edit or delete the previous posting. Here's what I wanted to say: Maybe not the break-up, but he definitely sensed that something was wrong and called me out on it. That's when I realized it wasn't fair to sit this out and that I had to make a decision. But I'm an open book and I can't pretend that everything is fine when I'm having doubts. That's what makes this situation so hard for me to understand. Just one week ago we were on this trip together and everything was completely normal. There was nothing off about his behavior. After the break-up in October we were no-contact for about two weeks. Then he texted me that he missed me and wanted to see me. I told him that I missed him, too and that I would really like to see him - but that things hadn't changed for me and I wasn't ready to get back together. So we met a few times just for coffee and to catch up. And after a while it became clear that he actually wasn't fine with the whole "not ready to get back together" thing. So we had another serious conversation where I told him that I REALLY needed time and that hanging out as friends had been a bad idea. After that another month or so of no-contact during which I thought a lot about him, my own fears and avoidant behavior etc. And I realized that I really, really wanted him back and give this relationship another try. So I texted him, thankfully he didn't tell me to f** off and leave him alone (which would have been understandable), and about a week later we were back together. So yes, I get the whole "not being able to let his guards" down thing. My sister has the same theory. But on the other hand I really tried to show him how important he is to me and I know that he saw my efforts. One time I had to cancel one of our date nights and I told him that I was very sorry about that. He said "No worries, it's totally fine." I said "Yes, but I feel bad. I'm really trying to make an effort this time and show you that this is important to me." And he said "I know, I can see that. And I appreciate it." I just don't understand it

Maybe not the break-up, but he definitely sensed that something was wrong and called me out on it. That's when I realized it wasn't fair to sit this out and that I had to make a decision. But I'm an open book and I can't pretend that everything is fine when I'm having doubts. That's what makes this situation so hard for me to understand. Just one week ago we were on this trip together and everything was completely normal. There was nothing off about his behavior. Back then we were no-contact for about two weeks. Then he texted me that he missed me and wanted to see me. I told him that I missed him, too and that I would really like to see him - but that things hadn't changed for me and I wasn

It sounds like you're deeply triggered and projecting. I don't know who hurt you in the past, but perhaps keep your own issues in check.

Op please ignore this stupid bitter comment.

I beleive this goes against the rules of this forum. You are entitled to your opinion, I am entitled to mine, others to theirs.

Was she rejected by another man she liked while dating you and then settled for you when she couldn’t get him? Because this is what happened to the OP. She has valid concerns about being a second choice because the first choice was out of reach. Are you unable to understand the difference between dating different people one after the other, eventually choosing the one you like most, and dating one person while wanting another one?

OP, PLEASE ignore all these stupid, bitter, comments. I don't know why these people want to keep insulting you, calling you a "consolation prize" At this point, we are ALL "2nd choices." It doesn't even make sense to think in such terms. I dated as a young man, then I was married for a long time and raised a family, then was divorced for many years, dated again, and finally met the most amazing incredible lady. Should she have rejected me because I wasn't her "1st Choice"? The idea is farcical. Ironically this also means that I'm not saying he's necessarily the one for you. All I'm saying is that you need to judge him on what you have now, not on how you came to be togther.

Wow, you are just unhinged Thats exactly what you're implying So what? You ARE talking about his past, this all happened TWO years ago Umm ok, "sure", whatever "you" "reckon" Right yes, "obviously" that is a "huge" distinction And? It's all ancient history?

Personally I would not have gone on a date with a man so recently single. Not only single from dating someone but single from living with someone. He was all over the place because he was on the rebound. He had a need to fill the void....and he wanted Hannah. You ended up being the consolation price. Now, all that being said, it does not mean he did not fall in love with you over time. Assess what you have today and judge if it's worth building on. How is the relationship escalating? Are you talking about living together? About marrying? Having children? After 2 years dating, at your age, these questions should be addressed.

Do you think he saw your first break-up coming? I wonder if that hindered his ability to really let his guard down with you thereafter. Those sort of breaks/break-ups can change how we see someone and affect our feelings for them.

he was single for 3,5 months - after a 2-year relationship, they lived together for 1,5 years. He got on the dating apps a month after the break up

Absolutely no one said anything like that in this thread. We said than Hannah clearly was his first choice and he settled for OP only because Hannah rejected him. What? Nobody is talking about his past. He had a crush on Hannah while dating the OP. Err… You are putting “really liked” in quotation mark, which exactly proves @introverted1’s point. She was talking about really liking someone, not “really liking”. Again, that happened while he was dating the OP and telling her he had feelings for her.

Nobody suggested that. Perhaps read the thread more carefully.

If you don't want to be the pursuer then move on. If you text him he may say yes to a second date but you'll still find yourself in the role of the pursuer after that. The ocean is full of fish, find one that wants to date you and is able to express it.

No offence, but you both sound like you're 15 years old

To be honest, this just sounds like a vent/rant You sound just like my ex, who was psychotic and had BPD, right down to the lies she used to tell. If he is anywhere near as bad as you claim, then LEAVE. You SHOULD have left years ago.

How long had he been single at that time?

Sorry, that sucks.

Honestly, at your age, and after dating for 6 months, it's time to s*** or get off the pot. You SHOULD be able to have mature adult conversations about such things. Her saying "yes I want kids" isn't an iron-clad contract to immediately begin procreating. If SHE can't understand that, then she really needs to grow up. If you try to have such a conversation, and her attitude remains apparently ambivalent, then what she's really saying is "I don't want to have kids (with you), but I also don't want to be alone right now." Make of that what you will.

At the risk of pointing out the obvious, this is obviously a very tumultuous time for you, so take your time to think everything through. You say that you're living with the guy, sleeping with him, and enjoying. So there's nothing wrong with that. The guy wants to step up, be a Dad, and provide for his kid, and that's a good thing. You say he wants to formalise it, so maybe check with a family law clinic about the laws in your state and country. But as a general rule, if you're married, and he eventually leaves you a widow then you would stand to inherit and you would be provided for.