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You really don't understand women. Inventing statistics doesn't help your case. The fact that you admit you have a problem doesn't make you a more desirable dating candidate. It's the addicton in and of itself, which I am surprised you don't already understand. Finding a woman who loves to cook is the least of the challenges ahead for you.

Sorry this has happened, OP. Your thread tittle is a bit misleading, though. This man wasn't only cheating with software (which is lame enough as an adult) He was on real dating apps with real women, too. I have a feeling you haven't yet accepted what he's done and are somewhat misleading yourself about the the gravity of this. But you weren't. It was an illusion. He was disespecting you throughout the relationship by going behind your back, and it wasn't just with AI. And it isn't an "incident" - it was a pattern of bad behaviour. An incident suggests it was isolated, but it wasn't. This man has been lying to you for a long time. Don't be fooled. He's lacked respect for you all along or he wouldn't have been doing this in the first place. One day when you're past the sting, you will wonder why you wanted this man to fight for you. He is sub-standard. You can do a lot better than this but you currently lack the life experience to believe that. This isn't and never was the one for you. You are going to better off without this headache in your life. Find a man who values you and isn't shopping for other women outside the relationship.

When you have to work this hard to get your boyfriend of 3 years to even consider meeting your parents, I think there is a much bigger and pinker elephanti n the room that is not being addressed.

You did the right thing in ending it for good and going no contact. There is no coming back from this. You can't be in a relationship with a person who is such a liar. Do not give in to the urge to contact him again. Of course it's really hard for you now.... that's perfectly normal after going through a big breakup. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship, to feel your feelings. It will get easier with time.

Give yourself the gift of getting out in the world to meet new friends. See how you feel when you encounter healthy couples who socialize together. Learn whether that taps something in you that desires the same kind of partnership. Either it will or it won't. If so, you'll figure out what you need to do, and if not, then living as a recluse with your guy's issues may not be as depressing for you as I found it to be.

You don't tell us anything about what either of you wants from this. I can only speak of my own views at your age. I might have found a man in his 30's or 40's attractive, but the wiser part of me knew that if a man that age would want to involve himself with me, I'd get the ick and want nothing to do with him.

Foremost, I'd leave the dude without a word. You don't owe him any explanations. You can discuss this 'in general' with the police and ask them whether they're interested in the details or not. Let them decide if warning the woman is warranted. This takes the issue off your plate and allows professionals to handle it.

Whether you want to get technical or just call necking with someone else disloyal, I think disloyalty is as bad as it gets.

Yes, you can. I know it feels very bad now, but, as time passes, you’ll be able to realize how lucky you are that you got out of a relationship with a compulsive cheater and a shameless liar. You weren’t good together, it was an illusion that he created by lying to you. This wasn’t an incident, it was a revelation of what he truly is. He cheated and he lied in a cowardly fashion. You were just starting your relationship and already he had sexual problems with you, even though he is very young. Please don’t go on thinking this was the love of your life. It wasn’t. This was a short relationship (not even two years) that you had at a very young age with an incompatible person. Don’t resume contact with him, understand that you’ve dodged a bullet, and be thankful that you’re now free to search for a good future partner.

You might have some luck by presenting yourself as seeking someone who can teach you to cook. This sounds more like teamwork in the kitchen to enjoy a mutual interest rather than expecting someone to cater to you.

Hello everyone. First of all Merry Christmas! I've been struggling with the breakup with my ex and could really do with some advice, support, anything really. So quick backstory. Me (23F) and my ex boyfriend (22M) met at work. We started of as best friends, coincidentally living on the same road and spending all our time together. He liked me the whole time but I convinced myself I didn't feel the same. After a year, I finally allowed myself to fall in love and accepted to be with him romantically. I had previously been through some of the worse abuse in my life by an ex partner so I really struggled to take the leap of a relationship and trust again. We lived together for over a year, went on holiday multiple times, spent every second together. Of course, we had our issues but he was the love of my life and before what happened between us happened,I chose my dream engagement ring and we had discussed the next steps for us. Again, to get into the mindset of marrying someone was a huge deal for me, and took years. We was 'officially' together for about 21 months before he ruined everything. Yes, I know it isn't a long time in the scheme of things, however I was so sure on marrying that man. So one day, he gave me his Apple TV login to watch a show, and little did I know it logged me into his icloud. As I went to download a new game, I noticed it was his App store account and me being me which is super nosey, I decided to have a look at his apps. I was never looking to find something,catch him out or anything, I am just a nosey person. As I'm looking, I see 3 AI girlfriend apps, all titled something along the lines of 'hot realistic gf, sexy chat, create your own etc'. It was basically a dating app but instead of real women, it was AI women. I confronted him about this and he completely denied it, claiming his account was hacked. He swore on our whole relationship, on his grandparents grave who recently passed, on God that he wasn't lying. He was a very religious man so part of me believed him. The lying went on for about an hour. After more digging, I found another app of the same nature, which then he confessed. He said he lied due to being scared, and he downloaded them to 'help his sex drive' as he had struggled to even get hard with me for months before nevermind be in the mood. Anyway, after a week of him sleeping on the sofa, I had finally decided to forgive. We also had a holiday booked in the next few weeks and honestly I mostly forgave him for that. Whilst on holiday, he had a phone call. Basically, he rang his bank because he had been charged £50 for a weeks subscription for one of the apps he had even though he cancelled it. Long story short, I found out it was a real dating app, not AI like he claimed. I saw one text he sent to a girl who asked for fun and he replied yes. He still claimed he thought it was an AI app. Eventually, again after lying, he admitted he had also used other dating apps, mostly AI but some not. We broke up, I moved out, which meant I had to leave my job, live back with my parents, start a new job etc. After a few weeks, I kept on texting him as friends. I would go on a night out, stop at his and chill on multiple occasions. He was always super respectful and we just spent time together. At that point he had started therapy for his actions and i watched him show real remorse. However, I realised there's absolutely no point anymore. I can't get back with him after what he's done so I ended things for good. Since then, it's been no contact. He's not fought for me, messaged me, nothing. It's absolutely destroyed me. I can't physically do it without him, I don't want to. I can't cope. It's the worst torture I have been through in my life. We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever? I don't exactly know what I'm hoping for from this post. But mostly it needed to be shared.

Hello everyone. First of all Merry Christmas! I've been struggling with the breakup with my ex and could really do with some advice, support, anything really. So quick backstory. Me (23F) and my ex boyfriend (22M) met at work. We started of as best friends, coincidentally living on the same road and spending all our time together. He liked me the whole time but I convinced myself I didn't feel the same. After a year, I finally allowed myself to fall in love and accepted to be with him romantically. I had previously been through some of the worse abuse in my life by an ex partner so I really struggled to take the leap of a relationship and trust again. We lived together for over a year, went on holiday multiple times, spent every second together. Of course, we had our issues but he was the love of my life and before what happened between us happened,I chose my dream engagement ring and we had discussed the next steps for us. Again, to get into the mindset of marrying someone was a huge deal for me, and took years. We was 'officially' together for about 21 months before he ruined everything. Yes, I know it isn't a long time in the scheme of things, however I was so sure on marrying that man. So one day, he gave me his Apple TV login to watch a show, and little did I know it logged me into his icloud. As I went to download a new game, I noticed it was his App store account and me being me which is super nosey, I decided to have a look at his apps. I was never looking to find something,catch him out or anything, I am just a nosey person. As I'm looking, I see 3 AI girlfriend apps, all titled something along the lines of 'hot realistic gf, sexy chat, create your own etc'. It was basically a dating app but instead of real women, it was AI women. I confronted him about this and he completely denied it, claiming his account was hacked. He swore on our whole relationship, on his grandparents grave who recently passed, on God that he wasn't lying. He was a very religious man so part of me believed him. The lying went on for about an hour. After more digging, I found another app of the same nature, which then he confessed. He said he lied due to being scared, and he downloaded them to 'help his sex drive' as he had struggled to even get hard with me for months before nevermind be in the mood. Anyway, after a week of him sleeping on the sofa, I had finally decided to forgive. We also had a holiday booked in the next few weeks and honestly I mostly forgave him for that. Whilst on holiday, he had a phone call. Basically, he rang his bank because he had been charged £50 for a weeks subscription for one of the apps he had even though he cancelled it. Long story short, I found out it was a real dating app, not AI like he claimed. I saw one text he sent to a girl who asked for fun and he replied yes. He still claimed he thought it was an AI app. Eventually, again after lying, he admitted he had also used other dating apps, mostly AI but some not. We broke up, I moved out, which meant I had to leave my job, live back with my parents, start a new job etc. After a few weeks, I kept on texting him as friends. I would go on a night out, stop at his and chill on multiple occasions. He was always super respectful and we just spent time together. At that point he had started therapy for his actions and i watched him show real remorse. However, I realised there's absolutely no point anymore. I can't get back with him after what he's done so I ended things for good. Since then, it's been no contact. He's not fought for me, messaged me, nothing. It's absolutely destroyed me. I can't physically do it without him, I don't want to. I can't cope. It's the worst torture I have been through in my life. We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever? I don't exactly know what I'm hoping for from this post. But mostly it needed to be shared.

Hello everyone. First of all Merry Christmas! I've been struggling with the breakup with my ex and could really do with some advice, support, anything really. So quick backstory. Me (23F) and my ex boyfriend (22M) met at work. We started of as best friends, coincidentally living on the same road and spending all our time together. He liked me the whole time but I convinced myself I didn't feel the same. After a year, I finally allowed myself to fall in love and accepted to be with him romantically. I had previously been through some of the worse abuse in my life by an ex partner so I really struggled to take the leap of a relationship and trust again. We lived together for over a year, went on holiday multiple times, spent every second together. Of course, we had our issues but he was the love of my life and before what happened between us happened,I chose my dream engagement ring and we had discussed the next steps for us. Again, to get into the mindset of marrying someone was a huge deal for me, and took years. We was 'officially' together for about 21 months before he ruined everything. Yes, I know it isn't a long time in the scheme of things, however I was so sure on marrying that man. So one day, he gave me his Apple TV login to watch a show, and little did I know it logged me into his icloud. As I went to download a new game, I noticed it was his App store account and me being me which is super nosey, I decided to have a look at his apps. I was never looking to find something,catch him out or anything, I am just a nosey person. As I'm looking, I see 3 AI girlfriend apps, all titled something along the lines of 'hot realistic gf, sexy chat, create your own etc'. It was basically a dating app but instead of real women, it was AI women. I confronted him about this and he completely denied it, claiming his account was hacked. He swore on our whole relationship, on his grandparents grave who recently passed, on God that he wasn't lying. He was a very religious man so part of me believed him. The lying went on for about an hour. After more digging, I found another app of the same nature, which then he confessed. He said he lied due to being scared, and he downloaded them to 'help his sex drive' as he had struggled to even get hard with me for months before nevermind be in the mood. Anyway, after a week of him sleeping on the sofa, I had finally decided to forgive. We also had a holiday booked in the next few weeks and honestly I mostly forgave him for that. Whilst on holiday, he had a phone call. Basically, he rang his bank because he had been charged £50 for a weeks subscription for one of the apps he had even though he cancelled it. Long story short, I found out it was a real dating app, not AI like he claimed. I saw one text he sent to a girl who asked for fun and he replied yes. He still claimed he thought it was an AI app. Eventually, again after lying, he admitted he had also used other dating apps, mostly AI but some not. We broke up, I moved out, which meant I had to leave my job, live back with my parents, start a new job etc. After a few weeks, I kept on texting him as friends. I would go on a night out, stop at his and chill on multiple occasions. He was always super respectful and we just spent time together. At that point he had started therapy for his actions and i watched him show real remorse. However, I realised there's absolutely no point anymore. I can't get back with him after what he's done so I ended things for good. Since then, it's been no contact. He's not fought for me, messaged me, nothing. It's absolutely destroyed me. I can't physically do it without him, I don't want to. I can't cope. It's the worst torture I have been through in my life. We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever? I don't exactly know what I'm hoping for from this post. But mostly it needed to be shared.

well I guess most people view the ultimate commitment as having kids and getting married. Since i'm not doing either of those things i feel like the biggest thing is being able to interact with and be around my family. I totally get it if one or both partners have family members that are cut off, hard to be around or just bad/judgemental people that it would be something to consider never meeting them. But considering I visit my parents and spend holidays and vacations with them it of course would be ideal to have my partner be able to join. They arent toxic or bad people to be around... then theres also the element of my parents starting to age and maybe sometime within the next 10 years or so i may have to move closer and want to spend more quality time with them or even help out. And at that point if we are still together in my opinion it would just be weird for him to never see them. Im definitely not.saying he should be with me every time or be super involved, just seeing them once in awhile would suffice.

You've entered a pre-existing relationship between these two people. You've encouraged the guy to send you such pics, which tells him that you endorse sending such pics. So it's up to you to let your friend know that you'd prefer he doesn't send body pics to your GF, but you'll need to make room for the fact that if this was a pre-existing practice between them, he'll view that as an assertion of control over his relationship with her that he doesn't welcome. Either you trust your GF, or you don't. If not, you get to decide whether that's an insecurity on your part, or whether she's demonstrated untrustworthy behavior. But trying to manage her pre-existing relationship with this friend isn't likely to go well for you. Decide whether the stress is worth such an effort.

Sure, it’s not unreasonable. But I still don’t see why the refusal to meet the parents is interpreted as a sure symptom of commitment issues. And why it is such a dealbreaker, especially, as the OP states above, they don’t want kids. What positive changes exactly, will occur in their lives if her boyfriend does agree to meet her parents? I met the parents of all my LTR exes but one, and was involved in their extended family life. And they all met my mother. At best, it was just something to endure. At worst, it affected the relationship negatively.

This is him telling you that he thinks you're fabulous, but he wants to remain platonic because he's invested elsewhere. So there's no barrier to a platonic friendship unless you hold one.

I'm definitely not going to experience the child issue at least, we both dont want kids and i have my tubes removed. neither of us in general would be good parents, but of course even without that factor his issues still affect me so I get what youre saying. Even without the fertility lens theres still the thought that im dedicating that many years to someone who isnt "the one". But hindsight is 2020 and i dont know what the future holds, naturally i feel conflicted.

I hear, and I feel for him, but I especially feel for you. You've taken on a 'project,' and that's not a promising foundation for a lifetime partner. Think about the kind of father you'll want for your children. Is it an anti-social guy with issues that prevent him from forming social bonds in your community and teaching your children how to do this? The guy is isolating, and that doesn't get better, especially without professional help. As you've noticed, it gets worse. It also hasn't helped you in terms of expanding your own social reach, and you are likely to become just as isolated as your partner unless you push yourself. But even then, you'll meet healthy couples whom you'll aspire to emulate in your own social life, and this guy makes that impossible. I lived with someone like this when I was a bit younger than you, but even with his issues he was willing to meet my family, and he bonded well with them. Despite the fact that he encouraged me to socialize as I wished, his reclusive nature had me feeling lonely in contrast to all the healthy couples I'd enjoy meeting while pursuing my solo social life. It made me feel an emptiness that I couldn't resolve as long as I stayed tied to this otherwise wonderful man. Some people are best loved from far away. He will never give you the security and comfort of equal teamwork in terms of social health and uniting your families. And these are your best fertility years that you will never get back to re-live over again. Focus on you vision for a healthy partnership that includes family and community bonds for raising a family and supporting the self-development of one another. You can't have this with this guy, no matter how lovely he may be. I would gently end this by telling him that you respect his position and where he stands, and if he ever finds himself willing and able to form the kind of commitment that can bond with family and society, he's welcome to let you know. If you're still available then, maybe you'll meet to catch up. Otherwise, you wish him the best.

Those issues are definitely the crux of the issue. He has said it would be easier for him to meet just my mom and im even way closer with her than my dad. Unfortunately i can't see how that would work since we live in a different state and my mom doesnt drive so anytime im visiting my mom my dad is there too. He'd have to be away on a work trip or something which is rare. But yeah I want to clarify im still not ready to give up quite yet, I want to keep having discussions just need to not be pushy about it. And if he really is hesitant even with how clear i've been, then maybe it just is an incompatability with us. And yeah I also feel like he needs to try and work on these issues separately for his own good, although i'm not sure how without therapy. He's also grown less close with most of his own family over the years which he regrets, and feels bad about. Hes also grown apart from majority of his friends. And its not depression based, I really dont know why. Its definitely not doing him much good. To be fair its not much better with me though ive been trying to socialize with people i like at work.

What has his responses been like in the past? Has he been in long term relationships before? Ah, ok. The reason I asked is because I saw some of these tendencies in someone I used to date. He might actually be conflicted and is holding off meeting your parents for as long as he can. For all we know, there might be a mix of previous heartbreak, trust issues, perhaps some abandonment issues (either from his childhood or adult relationships).. Add the challanges he has related to his own mother to the mix and his anxiety would make more sense. That does not mean waiting indefinitly is going to be the right decision for you, but it does put things into perspective. Only he would know if- and how this makes sense. IMO, his limitations and fears is something he needs to work on navigating on his own, outside your relationship. His challanges seem much deeper than just insecurities regarding his lack of education/good job. It's so lovely that your mom sent him a drawing of his deceased cat. Considering your mom knows about him, and she's shown signs of kidness - perhaps he would be open to meeting just your mom for a 30-40 min coffee, just the three of you? That way it's less formal, he takes baby steps towards something that means a lot to you, and he also get less overwhelmed (initially). Ask him if he has suggestions on what could work for the both of you, and then ask about his openness in meeting your mom. If he's stil hesitant, than that is valuable information for you to consider moving forward. I understand this must be challanging for you, and I do hope he'll be willing to meet your mom to begin with. Please keep us posted on how things go.

Yeah, ive suggested facetiming with my mom and that the first meeting just be going out dinner.. i'll suggest it again in a week or so when we are together again. 1. He has, even though i repeatedly reassure him and tell him i wish he'd believe it... idk if hes been broken up with for specifically that but he's deinitely been cheated on which obviously does a number. 2. And yes they both know how long we've been dating, thats why my mom has repeatedly asked if shes ever going to meet him. They have had some back and forth messaging over instagram/fb and my mom even sent him a drawing of his dear cat that passed away years ago which was really sweet.

I agree with this.. He is already sharing his fears with you, so this approach might actually be more helpful. Be a team about it Ideally he would benefit from overcoming his insecurities and/or gaining emotional tools for handling his anxiety in therapy, but it could help having a safe/non-judgemental partner. It seems to me like his fears hit a deeper core wound than he realises, however that is not something you can change. The fact that he doesn't shy away from emotional vulnerability though, is a good thing! Side Q OP: 1. Has he ever expressed not being good enough for you and broken up because of that or something similar in the past? 2: Does your mom and dad know you've been dating him for 3 years? If what he's saying is true and he genuinely loves you as well - then even baby steps forward is better than being idle. I suggest you approach it with care rather than demand. Say having your parents get to know him is important to you, and perhaps you find a solution that works for the both of you (like other posters have suggested). Perhaps after some online communication, meeting up for 20-30 minutes as a starter is more doable? If he wants to remain idle, then I highly suggest you reflect on what that could mean for the future of your relationship. Hope you guys figure it out

He did say it has a crush sorry left that part out, decided just to ignore it get on with our friendship thank you for replying

Yeah, I get the anxiety thing, and I might defend him if you two had been together for less than a year... But 3 years! That's a long time, and I think it indicates that this is unlikely to change. There isn't anything that waiting longer will achieve. In your place I would try to talk to him plainly about his anxiety and ask if there is anything that can be done to make the first meeting more comfortable for him, e.g. meeting the parents at your place instead of theirs, etc. If he won't even discuss it, I'd seriously reconsider things with him.