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I'm the mother of a daughter and wouldn't hesitate to give permission - I was in swimming clubs since I was a kid and none of your fears ever happened. I also went to a co-ed high school. I imagine that the kids will likely all talk and socialise like adolescents do, especially the older ones. Co-ed situations normalise mixing with the opposite sex, and when it's normalised, nobody is silly.

You’ve been together with your wife for 8 years, you have two young kids, she cuddles with you and is responsive to sex. Dude, what else do you want? Take a look at some threads here on the forum, people have serious problems with their partners’ low sex drives, I’m talking about going without sex for months, etc. Your wife obviously doesn’t find you physically unpleasant and enjoys sex with you. Be happy! To me personally, the strangest parts of your posts are where you suggest that she could dress up for you because you’re “worth dressing up for”. Now, I’m a man so I have no idea how women truly feel about dressing up, but as far as I understand they do it because they like it. I don’t think they do it for men whom they deem “worthy”. Anyway, if you like it when she dresses up I also see nothing wrong in asking her to do it for you occasionally. Just tell her you find it very sexy and arousing if she wears this or that or puts on some makeup etc. I don’t think she’ll take it as criticism if you phrase your request positively.

There is no way to do that because what you want is actually to change her and/or make her someone she's not. People change over the years. You can't expect a person to stay the same after some years, a marriage, two kids. She seems to show you much affection as you describe it. Maybe you need a wake up call that marriage and kids change things for the couples. She can't be the 20 or so years old careless girl you used to know. So it's better in my opinion to focus on what you have and not on what you don't have. Focusing on what one doesn't have and not appreciating what one has is the best way for unhappiness and misery.

Would you allow your daughter to attend a co-ed swim unit in gym class in school? Would you allow your daughter to attend a co educational swim class in school? at my daughters schools from 8th -10th grade, in PE she attends the swim unit and boys and girls have it together? Why is this allowed? Wouldn't this make girls feel uncomfortable and give immature boys an opportunity to harass and humiliate girls? And cause distractions and goofing off among everyday? Not to mention young boys will be shirtless around young girls and I think that is inappropriate especially in a school setting

Sorry, I should have added a bit more context. I already enjoy affection that does not lead to sex and we already have that dynamic. She initiates cuddling fairly often, and she’s usually receptive to making out even if she does not usually initiate this. I am also upfront when I don’t want things to lead to sex, so there isn’t pressure on her or her stopping to let me know this is not going to lead to anything more. What still seems to be missing is that occasional sense of being actively pursued or wanted in a romantic way. It is nice when she cuddles up with me on a regular night and is receptive to wanting sex. That is great, but is comfortable. I want to know that sometimes I am worth dressing up for. I am trying to think of how to communicate that difference in a way that doesn’t come across as criticism or a request for her to become someone she’s not. If you’ve seen couples navigate that distinction well, I’d be interested to hear what helped.

Let's just address this first - I'm not sure I understand your lines of thought here. I obviously can't speak for all women, but generally speaking, how she dresses is a reflection of how she feels about dressing up, not how she feels about you. Dressing up takes quite a bit of time and effort, so it understandably falls by the wayside when life is busy. That being said, it's also understandable that you want to feel desired by her. And yes, her initiating sex would be a big part of that, but if she primarily has a responsive drive, that might be hard to do. You mentioned that you both engage in a lot of non sexual affection, which is a very good thing. Does she not initiate those? If she doesn't, maybe that might be a good place to start? So instead of straight up initiating sex, she could initiate cuddling sometimes, which may or may not lead to sex. The caveat is that if you ask her to do this, you have to genuinely be okay with it not leading to sex.

Why did you break up in the first place? How long were you together?

Hi everyone, I’m in a tricky situation and could use some perspective. I’m reconnecting with my ex, and we’re in this “getting to know each other again” phase. So far we’ve had three meetups: The first one went really well, we watched a movie and cuddled. The next two meetings were harder for me because I was quite nervous and struggled to give her closeness; I was tense and she noticed that, especially at the last meetup. Yesterday, we had planned another meetup, but she canceled at the last minute, saying she had a migraine. I have a feeling it might also have been related to her noticing my nervousness in the chat, and that she might have wanted to avoid a situation similar to the last meetup. Since then, she said she needs some time for herself. It’s been over a week since we last met, and she’s been replying slower and slower to messages. Despite that, she’s always warm and understanding in her replies, which makes me feel safe but also highlights my own insecurities. I’ve been feeling anxious and insecure, worried that I might be “too much” or “too little.” I’m wondering whether it would help to open up honestly about my anxiety, or if that might push her away or overwhelm her. Is it generally better to be honest and share these feelings, or should I hold back in situations like this? Thanks for any perspective! *I structured this post with the help of ChatGPT to make my thoughts clearer, since my native language is German.

I think it's best if you leave it be. If she were interested in seeing you, you likely would have heard from her after she became single.

Hey guys i hope you all are having amazing time. 3 months ago i invited a girl that i liked for a coffee and she softly rejected me saying she is busy and she has exams and stuff like this. it was 2 weeks ago that i found out she had a long distance boyfriend at that time and 10 days after rejecting me, they have broken up. Do you guys think I should try again or not? And if yes , how? i really appreciate your advice

I just re-read the original post… I read it wrong the first time, for some reason I thought he told the OP that the other girl isn’t as good as her. Of course you’re right. That’s just terrible.

This is a horrible insult. He's saying you don't live up to them. 9 Years is a long time to give to someone who doesn't think you're good enough for him.

When someone becomes secretive with their phone and emotionally focused on another person, it’s usually a sign that something in the relationship needs honest attention. You can’t control his behavior, but you can ask for clarity, set your boundaries, and pay attention to how he responds when you do.

I’ve seen it go both ways, and from what I’ve experienced, it really comes down to how well you can separate work roles from the relationship itself. When you learn to switch hats — coworker at work, partner at home — it can actually build a lot of respect and teamwork because you see each other’s strengths up close every day. But if you don’t set boundaries, work stress can follow you home and make it feel like there’s never a mental break. The situations I’ve watched succeed long-term are the ones where couples protect personal time, communicate clearly, and remember they’re partners first and coworkers second

This must be really tough on you, I genuinely understand this exact situation, because I myself experienced something similar with my husband. He told me how he was actually not feeling the whole thing again, a quite painful experience. They’re few things I’ll like to point out but I am not comfortable writing it out on here. At this point I’ll suggest you prioritize what’s best for your kids. If you want to discuss this further you can text me

Thank you, it’s easy to get lost in the weeds on this. I need to keep that high level perspective. Very helpful!

I’m sorry you’re going through this pain. Keep moving forward, everything I’ve been told suggests it gets much better in time. Stay strong! Remember, a lot of good guys have been down this road before and we’re just joining them now.

Yep. It's a no-win for him. You treat him like your property rather than a grown man who's navigated his whole life before you without any need to be accountable for the behaviors of others. You're acting like a bottomless pit, and if you don't change that right now, you're going to lose him. It's not just about avoiding fights. The fights are caused by your pouting and shutdowns that ruin his days and cause him to walk on eggshells around you. Nobody who is healthy would choose a partner who is that moody and controlling.

Definitely tell the coworkers you are leaving. My sister was a nurse for 40 years, and there was an accepted ritual of hospital workers telling the remaining workers they were leaving. Why does that idea so upset you? And no, not harassment at all. Actually, it's the practice (probably a requirement) at many workplaces that run 24 hours a day and people are coming and going off shifts.

literally not harassment.

Reading your story really hit home. I’m going through a rough divorce myself, and even though the details are different, the emotional weight feels familiar. What’s been hardest for me is the impact on my kids — trying to communicate, stay calm, and not let my pain spill into their world. Some days it feels overwhelming, so I look for small ways to keep myself grounded, whether that’s routines, reflection, or even tools I’ve come across on https://progearph.org while trying to take better care of both my mind and body. We all deserve peace and respect after what we’ve been through, don't we??

Exactly. Coming at it from the angle of "what is this guys deal?" doesnt really line up. A lot of people would just consider him weird and possibly a bit dangerous and move on pretty quickly. What makes more sense is if OP found him to have a bit of bad boy appeal and wanted to change and mould him to fit her image of what she wants, thereby proving herself worthy and powerful, rather than just finding someone who is a better fit to begin with.

Kindly, I would urge you to do some serious work on your self-worth before you venture back into dating, OP. You have very flimsy boundaries and your bar is set way too low. The wrong sorts of people, like this man, are going to try to exploit your naivety and emotion al vulnerability.

It’s clear you found a certain appeal to his confidence or intensity at first, I mean, you said this has been going on for over a year? You're quite naive and I don't mean that as a dig towards you but you were operating from a place of hope, loneliness, and inexperience while he milked that for all it was worth. He knew exactly how to keep you hooked just enough to stay in his orbit. I'm glad you've stepped away from it but even posting on here you're still in a way trying to understand his behaviour. I know you're seeking clarity but your time would be better spent focusing on why this dynamic pulled you in, what needs or vulnerabilities it tapped into, and how you can strengthen those parts of yourself so someone like him never gets that kind of access again. If you respond back to someone who doesn’t share your values and they push back, you’re not having a conversation anymore you’re being trained to doubt yourself. That’s the moment to step away, not to negotiate. And that’s really the core of what happened here. Some people will keep pushing back until you learn to be assertive enough to say, this isn't working for me, bye!

Why even engage for that long? You're the one claiming you're looking for a loyal and long-term relationship. The moment a stranger crosses lines into behavior you wouldn't respect from a loyal and long-term partner, that's the time to shut them down and block them. No negotiation is necessary. If you want to waste your time on erotic seducers, that's not against the law, it's just not productive. It's one more barrier to finding the right man you're placing in your own way.