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Are you sure? It seems she is marrying you for one specific reason: This isn't going to work out well, in the end. She isn't marrying you for the reasons you want to marry her. This is quite clearly transactional for her. You wouldn't be doing anything to her. This would be a marriage of convenience on her part and I seriously doubt she wasn't aware of the risk that you would not want to marry her if you woke up and smelled the coffee. My strong advice? Absolutely do not marry her. It will be a miserable marriage for you and she isn't likely to stick around for the long-term. My guess is that she would wait a few years until she isn't dependent on you for paperwork/permission to stay in the country anymore, and then end the marriage.

Your post is not clear. If you don't wish to clarify what the current situation is and what problems you're facing exactly, we can't help you. It seems you don't want to respond to simple questions to help us better understand your issues.

K and I have been in a relationship and it was mostly long distance, meeting every 2 to 3 months. She is wonderful, our values are similar, she is genuine, down to earth and considerate and I was always relaxed spending time with her. Our sex life was active in the beginning but she always required lube and no matter what I tried nothing changed. She dismissed exploring anything new together. I always asked if I was doing anything wrong and genuinely tried to improve. As a result, it started to make me feel anxious wondering if she enjoys or not. She finally moved here permanently and we plan to marry next month so she can apply for a partner visa - something she cannot obtain on her own. After she moved here the physical side declined significantly because of what I learnt from her. When I finally asked if she enjoys sex she told me she doesn't - she does it to make me happy. When I asked if she finds me attractive she told me she never has found me (when she first met me) physically attractive and still doesn't find me attractive. She has never felt physical desire for me but loves me for my personality and says she can compromise on attraction and physical enjoyment for the rest of her life. She also takes medication for depression and bipolar disorder and has acknowledged she felt more arousal before starting medication two years ago - but still considers this my problem to deal with, not hers. When I raise how important physical desire and intimacy are to me in a marriage she tells me I am being superficial and complaining. Now whenever we try to have, I cannot shake this feeling that, she’s doing all of this to satisfy me. I love her and we share values and life goals. But knowing she has never desired me and is willing to tolerate rather than want our physical relationship has made me lose interest entirely. I never feel desired or wanted. We need to get married in less than a month but knowing attraction is only one sided is making me have second thoughts. If I don’t proceed with it, she may have to go back to her country (Taiwan) and I feel immense guilt if I did this to her. I feel conflicted. She is a good person. But I am scared and hesitant about a marriage where my partner has never felt desire for me and believes that is not something worth addressing. Am I wrong to feel this way? Is physical attraction and desire a reasonable expectation in a marriage?

what is your problem?

You need to recognize your own role in the dysfunction first. This is not all about women using you and taking advantage of you, though that very much seems to be the narrative you've sold yourself and are gripping onto very tightly.

No, we reconciled in January and things seemed very different. She seemed reasonable and agreed to work on relationship and put the big stuff aside. Things were on a better track and then the accident happened. It taught me a lot. When things went adverse or got difficult she turned on me basically. What I am asking is in the future I don’t want to have a ‘chip on my shoulder’ but this relationship has raised many concerns. I want to move on in a positive way. I waited till things got too toxic to move on as that’s what I’m used to. I have never ended a relationship early enough. As I said above, in my head I would be resolved to leaving her and would have all these reasons of the bad things she does and how she doesn’t care about my issues, only her issues. Then she would do something thoughtful or adaptable and my mind would change. What I want is advice on how to stop these things happening in the future. When I’m not aligned with someone on key things but they don’t come out and say it directly.

Equine manure. This doesn't wash. It's just a convenient excuse (again) to carry on this nonsense. If she were so terrified of risking her reputation, she wouldn't be carrying on a secret affair in her fiancé's home to begin with. You are just as selfish as she is.

Dude, this isn’t a rom-com. This is your life. It’s like the famous quote from Notting Hill - “I’m just a girl, standing in front of boy, asking him to love me…” You really shouldn’t be volunteering to throw yourself on your sword for a woman who doesn’t even care enough to chose you or be faithful to anyone…

Yes, I’ve already figured out it was Thailand. What you’re describing is typical patriarchal hypocritical immorality that is sadly still prevalent in many parts of the world. That doesn’t mean that you can’t find a person who’d oppose the system and choose better values to live by. Again, you are looking for excuses that would justify her behavior, and again you’re completely missing the point. Either she truly embraces traditional values - and then she doesn’t cheat. Or she rejects those values and loves her own life - and then she immediately leaves her fiancé and gets together with you. Do you realize how ridiculous it sounds when you basically say that she is cheating on her fiancé, sleeping with two guys, and testing her lover for sexual compatibility because she is traditional?

First, I listed all possibilities in such scenarios for a hypothetical comparison. The only actual possibility in your case is that she doesn’t love anyone. Second, a woman who doesn’t love either of the men she’s sleeping with but misleads them to believe she does isn’t someone who looks for protection and care, it’s someone who manipulates while seeking their own benefit. Third, since you have finally understood that she doesn’t love you, the above doesn’t even matter. Break it off and move on.

There is no confusion here. You asked her out, she refused. You should move on. You appear to believe that when women play with their hair, maintain eye contact, or give you a compliment, it means that they want to date you. Please stop thinking that. None of those behaviors is romantic. Anyone who tells you that you can figure out whether a woman likes you or not from such gestures is lying.

Dating people seem to talk about hair touching as a sign of flirting. But I've been growing mine after having it short for many years and have my fingers in it all the time when it's loose, even when I'm alone. I'm either moving it off my face or my neck, or I'm running my fingers through it thinking that I need the dry ends trimmed. Most of the time I just put it in a ponytail because I spend so much time fiddling with it when it's loose. It's got absolutely nothing to do with flirting at all. A compliment about your aftershave isn't necessarily flirting either. She may equally compliment women on their perfume. I'm also inclined to do that.

I'm not sure what you want. I remember your previous thread from months ago, you did not take any of the advice that many of us gave you. Now here you are still in the dysfunctional situation, repeating the same things over and over. If you have no intention of taking advice I'm not sure why you are here.

Sounds like' future faking', because how could 2 people know they want to move in together after just 3 weeks of dating!??. I think they got intimate too soon as well, should have gotten to know eachother more first .

To give you more context, I live in a country that was recently ranked with the highest infidelity rate in the world. Our society is built on a complex paradox compared to many others. For example, prostitution is strictly illegal here, yet it can be found in almost every corner. We have a strong traditional value of 'purity'—the idea that couples should wait until marriage. But because of this rigid expectation, it leads to a widespread culture of secret affairs, unlike countries where dating and physical intimacy are open parts of a relationship. Furthermore, unlike many Western cultures where infidelity often leads to divorce, my country has a high rate of infidelity but a low rate of divorce. People prioritize 'saving face' and maintaining social status over personal happiness. This environment shapes how she makes decisions. She is terrified of making a wrong life decision. In our culture, if she breaks her engagement and things don't work out with me, she becomes 'damaged goods' with no way back. She needs to be 100% sure that I am a better choice and a stable future before she destroys her current security. This 'secret period' is her only way to ensure that stability.

She's a skilled liar, too. You know this better than anyone. No, you're really not. You're showing her you don't have any self-respect. I'm a woman too, and we don't find doormats cute. Wrong again. She is a grown woman who is simply having her cake and eating it too. She doesn't need protection or care. She needs to stop acting like a jerk and mistreating people.

I think your third possibility is the most probable. She might not love me or her fiancé. She is just a girl trying to find the best man she can find—someone who can truly protect her and take care of her for the rest of her life.

I think you are definitely right. She might be selfish; perhaps she doesn't love me nor her fiancé. Maybe she loves only herself and just needs time to decide which path is best for her future. And what I am doing is giving her that time, to show her that I am her best choice.

I am not sure, because she told me she loved me. But the most important part is that I love her, even if she doesn't love me back.

I don't get it. You've been together for years now, but still most people think you are just her tenant - is that right? I am going to assume that's because of the legal hot water and greater judgement she fears she could face if people found out this relationship started when you were a teenager and she was an adult. Have I got that right?

Neither of you is healthy on your own. Together you are a powder keg. This isn't going to work out the way you want it to. It's up to you how much time you want to waste on this dead-end.

Looking at the OP (Redarrow's) activity it doesn't look like they have even logged on for almost two weeks now (around the time they sent their last message) so this thread can probably be put to bed as at this point as there is a good chance the OP won't even read what people are saying. Always kind of amuses me how people often just disappear as soon as they hear some things that they don't necessarily want to hear. Makes me kind of think that some aren't really looking for advice. They just want people to back up what they are thinking.

I have a STEM degree and work in the analyst field. Sometimes energy or gas. Most of my jobs were contract (6-12 months) and it’s difficult to get converted into a full time employee with benefits and the works. I’d argue sometimes contract work can be better since many salaried positions end up with 60-70 hour weeks which can make your hourly pay rate less than the strict per/hour wage in contract work AND makes you a workaholic, though it is less secure. I’m from a small town and moved back with my family for 2 years after college graduation plus worked in a call center which was the bulk of positions there. Those likely factored into why it was hard for me to find non-contract technical work. I’m just getting back to people after a rough work week and forgetting to visit the forum. I admit my time management is kind of poor and I’m trying to address it.

I’ve been part of a large church in a major city for 4 years and am a member of a young adults group. Within that group, I sometimes attend outings like trivia, housewarming parties and community groups. I’ve not been on a date with anyone from church, or close to a decade. My jaw is weak in the sense that it isn’t projected enough (chin tip lines up with lower lip is said to be ideal) and I have a double chin despite losing weight and being 170 lbs at 5’10”. Not that heavy, but it seems there isn’t enough bone to advance the skin forward so that’s likely the turkey neck coming from.

I'm outa here I literally just came back to say thank you you're the only person that's tried to given me sensible answers to my posts I see you're in Australia, so I don't know, maybe the rest of the world just doesn't think like us Cheers