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You must be fun at parties.

If your in a platonic relationship, Is it cheating if you have one of sexual encounters with other women?

Like for a while I know that everyone was in to dashing their second names Mum wasnt married so we have the same name apparently here I can give the baby any name I want and its easy for me to change my name to. I sorta like the idea of having his name and I want the baby to have his name. I thought of putting the dash in but our names look weird together. I don't want it to have the same name as mum and me because I want it to have a dad

It would be wise to consider that not everything is about you. When you have a wife, you’ll appreciate the same respectful consideration of your marriage by others.

It's not the number, I think, but the context. Someone who has slept with 10 people is not really an issue, but someone who has slept with 10 people and all of them were escorts... Yeah, I'd have a problem with that.

Maybe this body count thing matters to kids in high school, but if a grown adult hasn’t developed enough confidence to move beyond such a myopic focus, then that says more about them than their partner.

I’m sure there are people like that as well, but my personal experience with women who had very low body counts has been different. It’s not a moral judgment, it’s more of a matter of compatibility. In my opinion, it works better when the body count on both sides is comparable. A large disparity would definitely be concerning. It’s also a matter of shared attitudes to sex, of course. For example, you think that waiting for the “right person” means valuing sex highly. But to me, for example, it would mean the opposite - that the person doesn’t value sex enough to enjoy it simply for the sensation, that it must be attached to a serious commitment for them to experience it. I obviously include any kind of sexual activity in the body count, not just traditional intercourse. I don’t even understand why anyone would only include intercourse in the number - that would mean, for example, that all lesbians have body counts of zero… That just doesn’t make any sense at all.

As a male with a very low number - that being zero - I can say that it isn't necessarily a sign of a low sex drive or being repressed. It can be someone who values it so highly that they simply don't want to engage in it unless it is with the right person. They may simple have not found the right person that inspires the desire to do it, or only found someone on a rare occasion. I imagine they might also tend to be loyal and stay with their selected partner longer, so don't have the opportunity to grow the number very large. Further, just because you don't have sex doesn't mean you haven't been sexual. There are plenty of things you can do that doesn't involve intercourse. Outercourse activities can be just as enjoyable. If someone is interested in that, don't think there is a low sex drive or that they are repressed, while keeping a low number.

The only way it matters is in terms of potential health risks. If a person's past is going to put my health in danger, I should know about it. Appropriate precautions should be taken. Otherwise, we all have pasts. We don't know the circumstances or reasons for the behavior. We don't know what happened. Maybe they slept with a fair amount of people, but always inside of a relationship. Maybe those relationships ended because of tragedy or something the other people did. Should the individual be punished and viewed negatively because of that? I don't want to get stuck in the past. I want to live in the moment with a person. As long as we are both honest with each other and loyal to each other going forward, that's what counts for me.

Not sure Merrmeade why you're asking me all these things a month after the last comment here. Your messages are far too long to answer each and every question. I assume most were rhetorical anyway. At one point you say that yes, if you go back and read all of my posts, it's all there, but then say no one is inclined to do that. Ok, well if people just post to a singular message and don't have the full story, then it's logical to expect that they've missed things, relevant things. As I said previously, this type of message posting does not lend itself to telling the "whole story" in one fell swoop. In my case, that's be 40-50 pages. So I say what I think is important and relevant, and of course depending on the answer and additional questions, or yes, misunderstanding or misinterpretation, I offer more, or clarify. And FWIW, you don't have everything right either. You say I said there was oral sex in my first EA. No, there wasn't (hence, an EA only) AND I never said there was. Just one example. Point being: this isn't meant to be an argument. I came her for other's perspectives and I got them. I feel better. I am still bitter and sad about my wife's dishonesty, but I don't think there's anything I can do about it without possibly jeopardizing our marriage (which I don't want to do). I suppose it is one of those things. She did what she did; I did what I did; some is known; some is unknown. At our age and position in life, we have to decide - is it worth it to raise old wounds and see the truth, or let sleeping dogs lie. For now, for me, it's the latter. It's sad, very sad. As for the HW/Cuck lifestyle, I think I described it pretty well. It's also an easy Google search. I think perhaps you were being rhetorical again - not really asking as if you didn't know. Either my wife didn't realize or understand it included, by definition, honesty and full disclosure, and was a "lifestyle" we both were to be included in, or she couldn't bring herself to go that far; that is, tell me. OR, she didn't care, and just saw my feelings as a "pass" and opportunity to have sex w other men without any guilt. I don't know. And she isn't telling me. And I'm not asking anymore. So that is also kind of a closed door at this point. One can say a lot should have been different 30+ years ago between us, but one never knows what that might have led to. Divorce maybe. Some would say, Divorce likely. Certainly cheating, affairs, HW/Cuck lifestyle are all highly risky marriage activities. So divorce in our 30s, kids from a broken home, financial disaster, 2nd marriages, etc. are generally accepted as not good things for anybody. Can be, but generally not. Certainly not for kids. Finally, I'm not going to defend where we're at now in marriage. Approaching 50 years. Retired. Well-off. Travel. 3 married children. Grandchildren. In love. Perfect? Nope. Overt, open issues and wounds? Nope. Yes, my ex-AP is 20 mins away, but I'm not contacting her and she's apparently not contacting me. And if she did, I think the conversation would be more negative than positive. There's no threat to my marriage. I shared my thoughts with all of this - y'all shared yours. Thank you.

There's very few truer phrases than "love is blind".

Including the part of her that thinks it's okay to get this cozy with another man? You won't enjoy that bit so much when it's no longer directed at you

You have to be careful with infatuation because it can take away all reason even when it's right in your face. It's ok to have feelings, you cant help that. But you can also keep your feet on the ground and realise that pining after a married woman isnt likely to end well.

i dont know what i want or how far things should go , i only know that im very attracted to her , not only her body but her personality also , whenever i see her my heart starts pounding

i understand , i thought that you meant that she already backstabbed him by behaving a certain way with me

Sadly, no… My close relatives are pretty much scattered all over the world, which means that I go to their countries when there is an opportunity and don’t really do any vacations. I’d love to visit some day, though, I love Thai food and Thai classical music - piphat and mahori ensembles, old styles of Kingdom of Lanna (Chiang Mai), also folk music of the Lao minority in Isan.

Thank you for your concern. No, I haven't ended things with her yet.

I'm glad to hear you're familiar with Thailand. Have you ever visited my country before?

Hi all, I don't engage on the internet to such extent with private details, but i need some external opinions on my situation. Background. We're 8 years together this year. We're engaged for over half of that period (i knew she was the one, but she wanted a regular wedding that requires some saving up, nothing luxurious, it's just that stuff's expensive right now.. i'd opt even for a smaller one with the closest friends and family, but i want her to be happy right). When we met she was preparing to start college, so after two years of us being together she did. It would take 5 years. During that time i was responsible for us financially as in this part of the world you're able to do good public college but attendance is daily and mandatory. Thus the decision. No problem, i'm earning well enough for us to live comfortably, nothing extreme, we couldn't really afford long vacations or anything. All that was going very well. 4 years into our relationship, over the course of one month, my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather died from old age and my sister died in a car accident. My side of the family and myself took a hit, but i persevered. I continued to work, we inherited a flat, that helped us a bunch. I took care of 90% of our responsibilites, financially and in the household, i cooked, cleaned, did repairs, maintained the car, drove her to school and back, or at least the bus stop - just so she can focus on school. 5 years into our relationship (a year after my sisters passing), i got sick with a chronic illness that manifested 24/7. I continued to do my role, i took care of my health, i went through 2 surgeries to fix my condition. During that time our relationship deteriorated, my libido took an extreme hit, outside of our responsibilities and the little exercise i did it was very hard for me to engage in romantic life or anything adventurous like travel or concerts. We argued about that very often, she isn't very outspoken, i thought i was talking with myself, i cried from being tired of it all, she cried because she was "missing out on life". I told her we're going to work through this, but she has to help me a little. - "Once i finish college it's going to change" Come last year, she finished college, started to work, and our problems exploded. She now has issues with how much she should contribute to our finances, she wants to go to trips - which i'm all for i don't want to bring her down, it's her money, so she goes with friends or a cousin. I'm not that big of a fan of trips or have energy for them at this point. She's unsatisified with our love life, but i can't give much now... Last month i was scheduled for very possibly last surgery but it's very serious and maybe not risky but serious nontheless. She tells me, me she's tired with our relationship, she's tired with me being sad constantly, she's missing out on life, she doesn't want to hear my nagging about asking her to take care of some chores. It seems that she has been overcame by me because i wanted us to talk but she doesn't want to, i open myself up to very little reaction or her villyfing herself in my eyes, making me feel like a monster, she behaves likes she's scared of me, and i ask "are you stressed or scared to talk with me, what's going on?" and she burst's into tears. Last week she tells me she needs a break... 3 weeks before my surgery. She's angry because my father will stay with us for one night to drive me to the hospital and pick me up (she doesn't drive) and say she'll feel uncomfortable with him being here (nothing ever happened, they don't even have contact, they don't talk when we're at our parents, we're always together there, so the discomfort most likely stems from them just being alien to each other). I drove her to her parents, and i was against a break, i wanted us to go to therapy if she doesn't feel safe talking to me, but im at my wits end. I feel like this relationship is done for and i'm struggling as this was supposed to be the love of my life and i'm left alone in the lowest point of my life . I understand she feels unsatisified living this way, but it wasn't my choice, i'm not an addict, i just had a few shitty things happen to me while we're together and it seem i'm the only one trying to fix us.. I know this is all rambling but i don't know if im stupid for hoping it's going to be good, she just needs some space? I'm mentally already breaking us up, because, what if i get cancer, what if our kid is born disabled... she'll leave then too?

There is neither causation nor any kind of a direct correlation between the amount of past sexual partners and trust, compatibility, or long-term relationship values. Personally, I’d be concerned about a partner with a very low body count. Judging from my own experience, there are high chances that it would indicate either a very low sex drive, absence of interest in sexuality (which would be incompatible with me) or, on the contrary, unfulfilled, repressed sexuality. A woman with a higher body count, as long as it’s clear that she is currently seriously committed to me, is more likely to be a suitable partner for me.

I’ve seen a lot of mixed opinions about this lately, especially with modern dating and hookup culture becoming more common.Some people say the past shouldn’t matter at all if the person is loyal and serious now, while others believe a high body count can affect trust, compatibility, or long-term relationship values.Do you think body count matters in a serious relationship or marriage? Why or why not?At what point, if any, would it become a concern for you?

I think this nails it. Decide how upsetting this ‘must’ be for you. Find something good between you that can shrink this down to a minor bump in the road. If you find that difficult, then this isn’t about laundry, it’s something deeper.

Never feel bad about needing time to yourself or not attending large gatherings. So much of the world is geared towards an extrovert ideal where we feel we are obligated to be social even when we don't want to be or don't have the energy for it. You shouldn't do things just because you feel you are supposed to like that. It's likely to make you feel more stressed, uncomfortable if you did go, and burnt out after. That's not good for anyone. It's fine to spend time with people one on one and conserve those big party moments for times when it is absolutely essential. If you can avoid gatherings and still show your love and appreciation in other ways, ways more introvert friendly, do it and don't feel bad.

Just be sure you are ready for any outcome. "Hopefully" she will understand. But what if she doesn't? Whatever one's view of the idea, it is certainly a drastic step and very unconventional. You need to be prepared for her not taking it well. Think this out carefully and understand that it could help the marriage, or it could bring about it's end. You are the one who knows your wife best. I'll defer to your judgement. Just make sure this is really the best solution you can think of and a course you want to take before doing anything. It's a risk. Even if she agrees to it, it's still a risk. Just don't want to see it backfire on you so please me careful.

Think people see AI everywhere now because they are so fixated on it. Nice to know there are still nice humans like you out there as well.