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Okay, what I said earlier was a bit inaccurate. You were unhappy with a certain aspect of your relationship, not the whole relationship itself. Yes I know she was the one who messaged you, no one has said you messaged her. If you want nothing to do with her, then I don't understand the point of this post? Why didn't you simply ignore the message and think nothing of it.

i think the other question to ask is why YOU have conflict over the message, and not why she messaged at all. you were curious, and the universe answered your curiosity. so, why are you curious enough to stalk her profile and why are you worked up over her message?

Is she getting paid by these men? You make it sound like she is possibly part of an escort service.

How can we possibly know based on the information provided???

She has taken overseas vacations and you didn’t know about that? What did she tell you? What do you mean “with other men”? Just she and one man every time, on a private vacation? Or she and a group of men she works with?

You sound like you are really struggling with your mental health, with some very irrational and self-destructive thoughts. Have you ever sought out professional help or therapy to work on this?

Thanks And that's fine but what are you really expecting even entertaining the idea of investing more time in her? She's already shown enough to say the situation isn't going to suddenly change now. Unfortunately in dating people go from interested and engaged to lukewarm quite often. But it barely ever happens in reverse unless its something in maybe the first couple of days of meeting them. When that ship has sailed it's sailed, better to put a full stop on it.

Yes and I am sure you're one day closer to finding the right person for you too. Well the last message was this morning seeing if we are still on for Saturday so it kind of is in her court but I am no longer anxious of the potential excuse coming

Yep, thats why I'm not too bothered about being single at the age of 32. If I had settled down in my early/mid 20s I wouldn't have had a clue what constitutes a healthy relationship. I also have a lot to learn but Im a lot closer than I was then. I was devastated when my last serious relationship ended a few years back but when I look back at it? Thank god I didnt drag that on any longer. In terms of this girl though, my advice is dont wait for her to cancel, cancel it yourself. You are still leaving her in the driving seat and giving her the power to tie you in knots. Perhaps there is a remote possibility she will seem all into you again, you may even sleep together, but shes already demonstrated that youre not very important to her and it will just come back around to bite you. Don't let her string you along.

Of course. But I would urge you not to bother with more dates with this woman. You're only delaying the inevtiable.

Yes I agree and my mindset is changing. It was just hard to adapt when you have been close to someone for 3 months and the interest is suddenly lost - we are only human.

Buying it - or not - isn't really the issue. She showed you very clearly that you were not on her mind that night and her interest level in you is low. Date someone who is excited about you, and not somebody who treats you like an afterthought.

Agree - still learning in my 30's!! I'm a good person and if (when) she cancels this Saturday that'll be a delete and move on from me. I gave it my best shot but this won't break my heart, just more of a shame to be strung along for this past 3 weeks. There's a lot of good to her but also there's quite a list of frustrations, not sustainable for sure.

I do think part of this issue here though is still that you made yourself way too available too early on. If there is no intrigue in the early stages and you are showing yourself as fully available and basically able to fit around their plans whenever suits that is going to turn many people off. Not communicating that she had lost interest like an adult though out of respect for your heart and your time, that's entirely on her.

Yeah, I buy it, but the reason she lost track of time is that she was not thinking of you at all, she was busy doing stuff she was more concerned about all evening. This girl is a spoofer, she likes the attention from you but that's it. I would go on your date with this other girl and take the initiative and cancel whatever trip you had planned. You deserve to be dating someone whos actually interested in engaging with you like an adult.

I just found out that she had taken overseas vacations with other men over the past year. So it's not my insecurity and trust issue.

Last week our parents had friends around for the evening our mum took us to our bedroom. We were put to bed fully done in all our layers with our fur lined boots on all jacket hoods up and still done up. Mum has flannelette sheets on the beds she also pulled to thick heavy doonas over each of us. With all our layers and bedclothes we were definitely overheating. Mum just turned out the light and closed the door we could not move at all as we were so weighed down under our winter layers and bedclothes. We were both put laying on backs. Eventually we fell asleep.

Yeah, she just stayed out later then expected and lost track of time, she said she should of messaged me to say and apologized. Not sure if buy it as she posted on her story most the night.

Did she explain why she simply ghosted you the night you were supposed to go to hers?

Would just like to update over the past week - So after the text she replied to say that reason why she reached out on my Birthday was she wanted to comer see me that evening and felt sad that I did not answer and did not know where she stood with me. We exchanged a few back and forth over the week. I was away with some friends this weekend. The texting has not been great, only really receiving one or two a day with delays of around 12 hours. We only really also had a brief phone call Friday night. I've reached out to see if we are still on for this weekend as we had this booked in for weeks, have a feeling she will now be busy, but this is okay, my head is pretty much out the door at this point. I have decided to mirror her behavior and have also starting speaking to someone new and we are going on a date this week, I do feel guilty for doing this but I also want to move forward with someone who puts in effort I deserve.

My mum also supervises me and my sister Jane in dressing, we do not allowed to have friends. Basically only go shopping with our parents, to church or see family with them. And our mum also home schools us. Our parents have been really strict with us like this our entire lives we are 14 years old and are never any trouble they are really strict parents.

Jennifer 14 I have a twin sister Jane our parents think the slightest little thing will make us sick, we had to go shopping with our mum today. She made us wear thermal underwear tops and bottoms, jeans and sweaters. Then made us put on snow pants bib and suspenders type, knee high fur lined snow boots, fleece jackets, puffer jackets, thick, heavy winter coats that we could hardly bend our arms in that came right down to our thighs. We also wore toque hats, balaclavas, scarfs (mufflers) our jackets and coats were tightly done up with all hoods up and tightly done up. We also had to wear thick lined mittens. It was only 23f. We are the most bundled up girls we know. And felt we’re overheating it is annoying whenever we are inside having to carry all this gear around and then having to put it all back on to go back outside.

OK, what I say might not make sense to you. But I'm not a jealous person ... except ... and it took me a while to figure out the exceptions, the times when I am jealous. And when I stepped back, I saw a pattern in the times I felt jealous. #1: I felt that way when I wasn't really being myself in the relationship—and I was avoiding the truth that I really wasn’t excited about the relationship. #2: I felt that way when I was overly focused on "giving" in the relationship instead of giving and asking for what I need. Trying to win someone over constantly by being “nice” doesn’t work #1 … and it’s exhausting #2. And it creates an obvious imbalance that even if your mind doesn’t want to acknowledge it, your body and spirit know what’s going on. #3: I felt that way paradoxically when I was NOT that into the person. When I was deliberately and effortfully looking past qualities I really didn't like. They'd do something that annoyed me and suddenly I'd be jealous--and I'm not sure jealous is the right word. I would get over annoyed because I wasn’t excited in the first place. Maybe push aside for a moment if you can the easy answer that you are pathologically jealous. Do any of the above situations apply?

First of all, you’re not alone. I used to have serious pathological jealousy issues, comparable to what you’re describing. Second, the most important thing here is that you recognize the problem. You know it’s you, it’s not her. You know that what you’re feeling is not normal. That’s very important. A lot of people are possessed by harmful emotions and aren’t even aware of that. They blame it on others and don’t think they have a problem. You, on the contrary, have a clear perception of what’s happening. Now, where you’re wrong is in assuming that you’re somehow “cursed” and unable to change. Yes, you can, it’ll just take a lot of work, which you should be prepared to do. Leaving your girlfriend because you think she deserves to be with someone who isn’t as jealous as you would be an act of weakness and disrespect to your girlfriend. She knows what she wants. She chose to be with you. Don’t make her decisions for her. I can very much relate to your situation. Some time ago, I was also feeling desperate about my problems that kept undermining our relationship with my partner. I said this to myself, “I know she deserves a better man. But I can’t stand the thought of her being with someone else. So the only solution is for me to become that better man”. Once you’ve firmly decided that and abandoned all thought of leaving your girlfriend, you’ll need to start working on your problem. Jealousy is a symptom of control issues, and control issues always stem from deep insecurities, irrational fears, and lack of self-love. Basically, you want to control your girlfriend’s behavior because you’re afraid she’ll leave you, because you think you aren’t good enough for her, because you don’t actually love yourself. The irrational part of your mind, possessed by those fears and insecurities, begins to panic, gives in to the fears, and starts interpreting everything your girlfriend does or says in such a way that it feeds those fears. This is a disease, and it can be treated. You can meditate on that and try to solve it on your own by applying rational thought and fighting your fears, or you could find a good therapist to help you, which would be preferable.

I am 36 and in many areas of my life am perfectly adapted. As much or more than my age would suggest, at least. Great job, good family relations, have my own place, take care of myself. One illustration is that my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone after work (this time of year is busy for both of us and our time is cut in half) She told me her friend was calling and said she needed help We hang up and she is on the phone with her for about an hour and a half and by that point it's time for me to sleep. I didn't say anything to her about it. I was peaceful and cordial. We said our good nights. I'm sure she could tell I was off. I was jealous she got off the phone with me to help her friend. Isn't that the most pathetic thing. At my age I feel like I don't have any hope. I've dealt with jealousy and intimate relationship issues for as long as I can remember. If something like your partner ending a phone call to help a friend ruins your night you are a very sad human being. I am embarrassed at what I turned out to be. And I already know my pattern. I know I am in the wrong so even though I don't want to talk to her tomorrow I will force myself to, and in a day or two I'll get over it. It is so exhausting getting upset at little tiny insignificant things like that.