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Haha yeah don't get me wrong guys can keep libido high into their old age my point is just that it sometimes starts hitting guys in their 40s who haven't looked after themselves and are heavy smokers, drinkers, crappy diet etc. Even those guys will probably get away with it in their 20s and 30s. It probably is either an issue with attraction as you said or hes got some mental stuff going on in terms of intimacy, which is something he should be disclosing and going through if thats the case.

*cough* 50 year old dude here. Libido high, very high. Higher than in the 30’s *cough* Sadly, I think that the OP’s boyfriend isn’t sexually attracted to her anymore, for whatever reason.

You aren’t overreacting. If your boyfriend had known that you wouldn’t participate in an act of cheating before you did the MMF threesome, then I think you’re underreacting. He made you an unwilling accomplice to a dishonest act. That isn’t something that can be overlooked. Even if he hadn’t known that you’d have moral reservations, I think it’s very strange and extremely disrespectful that he failed to mention that his friend was married and would be cheating on his wife.

This is just a basic who is wrong and who is right question. We have been together for a while, close to 6 years and we’ve always had an adventurous sex life. I had long wanted to have a threesome with us and another man and it was always going to happen, it was just a matter of when. His best friend whom he never sees, who now lives overseas, was in town for a week on business and I met him for the first time. And yeah it happened. And then again on the last day he was here. It went well, no jealousy, no issues. I love my bf even more for letting me experience that. That was nearly 9 months ago and he’s about to visit again and I admit I got excited by the thought and asked my bf if we could again. He said he didn’t think we would be able to manage it because his WIFE and KIDS would be with him. I felt so sick. I would never knowingly do that. I cannot believe my bf put me in that situation. I’ve been asked to keep my mouth shut. How can I meet and greet her and welcome her into our home knowing what we’ve done? My bf is adamant it is not our issue. If he cheated that is his issue. We don’t need to be involved in it. But it is my issue now, how can I entertain her while the boys go out and golfing for example when I know that she’s being lied to. I am really angry at my bf but he thinks I’m overreacting, he thinks that we do us and they do them and we don’t need to blur the lines. How do I look this woman in the eyes when she no doubt is going to talk up her husband when I know what her did and worse what he did with me? And one more thing, they do not have an open relationship, that is something that has been made very clear to me now and why I’ve been muted. What do you all think? How big of a lie is this?

31 is not an age where men would usually have low libido for biological reasons, its usually 40s+. That being said it does happen but its usually psychological when youre still relatively young. It could be that he is not into you or it could be that he has personal issues going on, which he should be communicating with you if he values the relationship.

This woman is trying to get you to quit so she doesn't have to terminate you. If II were you, I would start looking for a new job now so that you aren't left with no options when this boss of yours pulls the plug. That's where this is heading.

It’s absolutely not normal when it is so radical and happens so soon in the relationship. If he had a low libido, he wouldn’t be having sex with you daily in the beginning. Libido doesn’t just drop like that in a young man from daily sex to one year without sex. So he is either lying or has some kind of a very serious medical condition that he is hiding from you. Sex is a huge part of relationship, especially this early on and in such an age. You definitely don’t have to stay in a sexless relationship.

It sounds like you’re dealing with someone who hasn’t fully left, but also isn’t fully present anymore. That’s a very hard place to be. One thing I’ve learned is that when a person starts keeping contact but removes emotional depth, it’s usually because they don’t want to lose the connection, but they also don’t have the emotional capacity (or desire) to invest in it the same way right now. Pushing for clarity often makes people in that state withdraw even more, not because your question is wrong, but because they feel overwhelmed by it. You might actually get more engagement by removing the pressure for a while. Keep conversations light, easy, and safe. Let her feel that talking to you doesn’t come with emotional demands. At the same time, quietly observe: if she starts opening up again when things feel lighter, it may truly be stress and emotional shutdown. If she stays distant even when there’s no pressure, then you have your answer without having to chase it. Either way, protect your own peace. You deserve clarity, but sometimes the clearest answers come from what people do, not what they say

That's not normal at all when you are so young, still in your 20s. I would really say that it sounds like this relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.

It does happen but no it is not normal. It often ranges from reasons of disinterest to health issues they are having. If it is affecting your relationship and you are finding yourself because unhappy with it then it is time to potentially end it. Sex is a very significant part of every relationship in most cases and it is a compatibility issue of the two of you aren't aligned with each other about what you want from your sex lives.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he's 31 and I'm 26. We use to have sex constantly at least once a day at the beginning. But now it's been a year with no sex. I'm very keen but he says he has low libido so I haven't ever approached him sexually cause he just not in the mood. It's starting to really effect me because I consider it a huge part of dating/relationships. I'm starting to not feel sexy or desired anymore and wishing someone would give me sexual attention. Is it normal to just stop having sex in your relationship for this long at our age?

This is a bit strange. Do you expect your daughter to only go to gender-segregated beaches as well? She's not going to be doing a lot of swimming with all these restrictions...

Well, honestly it sounds like she does demonstrate affection and desire for you, just not in the way that you want her to. I still don't understand your persistence on her dressing up - as I've said, people typically dress up for themselves, not for their partner. But if that's what you want, then just tell her you've made reservations for the two of you at a really nice restaurant, you've booked the kids a babysitter for the night (make sure you allocate an extra 2 hours so she's not rushing to get ready), and you've just got your suit drycleaned. I imagine she'll dress up as well in that case? Hopefully you're not expecting her to dress up when you're just wearing a t-shirt and jeans... right?

since you indicated English is not your native language, can you explain how this statement was said by her? if a person tells you they "need time away from you" that's usually a bad thing.

I do still work there she gave me 10 hrs total we get paid bi-weekly. So one day a week. And they are days she is not there. Today however a coworker asked me to fill their shift. I confirmed it with her. She approved. Then she sent a group text saying can anybody take the shift. I replied " Am I not taking the shift?" She said who is gonna lock up? I am working noon til 6 and we close at 10:00. We had to juggle a few around but she is not happy because I will be working while she is there. I have never done anything to this women and respect her in every way. It hurts me. But being 62 its hard to find a job so I am stuck. The customers love me. My draw is always on point. Thank you everybody for your advise I appreciate it.

Yes, I'd allow it, just as I would allow my daughter to go to the beach or public pool or other venue where she might see others her own age also in swimwear.

I know he told me the attraction wasn’t strong enough and he did string me alone. But it doesn’t change the fact that he was attentive during the time we were dating. It’s not that I don’t accept reality of what he said and did and how things ended. It just the nicer part during dating that I miss. I don’t think about him every day or every minute, just here and there. It just the thought of dating again and not finding anyone that will connect with me scared me.

honestly hard to pin down simply put we both werent ready to put in work for the relationship or rather didnt do the right things she was also in a really bad spot mentally and for me it was the first real relationship and i didnt know how to deal correctly with alot of things none of us really wanted to end it so it was a back and forth to the end when at some point we couldnt take it anymore this was roughly 4-5 years ago and we were together close to 2 years i think or like 1,5

I'm the mother of a daughter and wouldn't hesitate to give permission - I was in swimming clubs since I was a kid and none of your fears ever happened. I also went to a co-ed high school. I imagine that the kids will likely all talk and socialise like adolescents do, especially the older ones. Co-ed situations normalise mixing with the opposite sex, and when it's normalised, nobody is silly.

You’ve been together with your wife for 8 years, you have two young kids, she cuddles with you and is responsive to sex. Dude, what else do you want? Take a look at some threads here on the forum, people have serious problems with their partners’ low sex drives, I’m talking about going without sex for months, etc. Your wife obviously doesn’t find you physically unpleasant and enjoys sex with you. Be happy! To me personally, the strangest parts of your posts are where you suggest that she could dress up for you because you’re “worth dressing up for”. Now, I’m a man so I have no idea how women truly feel about dressing up, but as far as I understand they do it because they like it. I don’t think they do it for men whom they deem “worthy”. Anyway, if you like it when she dresses up I also see nothing wrong in asking her to do it for you occasionally. Just tell her you find it very sexy and arousing if she wears this or that or puts on some makeup etc. I don’t think she’ll take it as criticism if you phrase your request positively.

There is no way to do that because what you want is actually to change her and/or make her someone she's not. People change over the years. You can't expect a person to stay the same after some years, a marriage, two kids. She seems to show you much affection as you describe it. Maybe you need a wake up call that marriage and kids change things for the couples. She can't be the 20 or so years old careless girl you used to know. So it's better in my opinion to focus on what you have and not on what you don't have. Focusing on what one doesn't have and not appreciating what one has is the best way for unhappiness and misery.

Would you allow your daughter to attend a co-ed swim unit in gym class in school? Would you allow your daughter to attend a co educational swim class in school? at my daughters schools from 8th -10th grade, in PE she attends the swim unit and boys and girls have it together? Why is this allowed? Wouldn't this make girls feel uncomfortable and give immature boys an opportunity to harass and humiliate girls? And cause distractions and goofing off among everyday? Not to mention young boys will be shirtless around young girls and I think that is inappropriate especially in a school setting

Sorry, I should have added a bit more context. I already enjoy affection that does not lead to sex and we already have that dynamic. She initiates cuddling fairly often, and she’s usually receptive to making out even if she does not usually initiate this. I am also upfront when I don’t want things to lead to sex, so there isn’t pressure on her or her stopping to let me know this is not going to lead to anything more. What still seems to be missing is that occasional sense of being actively pursued or wanted in a romantic way. It is nice when she cuddles up with me on a regular night and is receptive to wanting sex. That is great, but is comfortable. I want to know that sometimes I am worth dressing up for. I am trying to think of how to communicate that difference in a way that doesn’t come across as criticism or a request for her to become someone she’s not. If you’ve seen couples navigate that distinction well, I’d be interested to hear what helped.

Let's just address this first - I'm not sure I understand your lines of thought here. I obviously can't speak for all women, but generally speaking, how she dresses is a reflection of how she feels about dressing up, not how she feels about you. Dressing up takes quite a bit of time and effort, so it understandably falls by the wayside when life is busy. That being said, it's also understandable that you want to feel desired by her. And yes, her initiating sex would be a big part of that, but if she primarily has a responsive drive, that might be hard to do. You mentioned that you both engage in a lot of non sexual affection, which is a very good thing. Does she not initiate those? If she doesn't, maybe that might be a good place to start? So instead of straight up initiating sex, she could initiate cuddling sometimes, which may or may not lead to sex. The caveat is that if you ask her to do this, you have to genuinely be okay with it not leading to sex.

Why did you break up in the first place? How long were you together?