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What your parents are doing is textbook emotional abuse. Condoning it isn’t sensitive, it’s harmful to you and to them as well, since they will never learn to stop being abusive and become better people unless their victims stand up to them.

Then it's time to learn how ridiculously offensive it is to draw swastikas on each other. It does not mean "nothing."

I wish I could be that strong someday I did try to do that before the marriage and after day 5,I had to give in. They are just to stubborn and I am too soft-hearted.i know that it's my fault for being sensitive.

Thanks for the advice, I do really love her, and the swastikas well she’s just a silly teenager. And so am I, so it means nothing really.

All I can say is that if any of my friends did such guilt trips on me, I’d cut them off as well. There is enough unhealthy dynamics going on in family relationships, romantic relationships, work relationships, and so on. Friendship is so valuable precisely because friends are supposed to be understanding and supportive. There is too much pressure in life to have friends that add to that pressure instead of alleviating it.

Uh… Just to clarify, do the swastikas that you draw on each other (?) refer to your Hindu or Buddhist faith? I live in East Asia and swastikas are very common in Buddhist temples here, which is perfectly fine, but I’ve never seen people drawing them on themselves or others. If you live in the West, you probably shouldn’t draw swastikas, as they have sadly become inseparably associated with the ideology of Nazism. As for the rest of your post, she is being playful, and she is teasing you. It is pretty clear that she wanted to get back together However, judging by your post, you’ve been very passive. She is probably beginning to feel annoyed and frustrated why she is doing all the flirting and you just ask questions instead of attempting to get back together with her. Which is ultimately what matters here. Do you want to get back together with her? If so, then show it to her clearly. If you don’t want to get back together with her, stop having such a close contact with her.

Context: I had a close friendship that lasted about 8 years (started in 2017). It was never romantic, but emotionally intense. For a long time we were in daily contact and shared a lot. He did an Erasmus thanks to my advice (in a period that was very difficult for him), we shared visits across Europe in our study and / or work periods abroad or in Naples (close to where we lived and he lives now) / Germany (where I moved for good in 2022). Over time, it became clear that we had very different views of what friendship should look like, mostly because my life has changed, the time at my disposal changed too and he never accepted this transition. **My view** I see friendship as something that can remain real and meaningful even if: you don’t talk every day you don’t see each other often initiative isn’t constant For me, caring is shown more through: listening long-term consistency If it happens to meet each other, great. If it doesn't, it's still ok and it doesn't mean I don't care. I struggle to force emotional behaviors that don’t come naturally to me. When I do, it feels inauthentic. **His view** He believes that friendship only has value if: you see each other often there is frequent initiative affection is clearly and consistently shown His belief is basically: “If you care about someone, you show it. If it doesn’t come naturally, you make the effort anyway. If you don’t show it, you don’t really care (or you have a serious emotional problem).” For him, a “low-contact” friendship is empty and meaningless. **The core conflict** He started comparing his place in my life to that of other friends (for example childhood friends: if I came back to my hometown for Christmas holiday and did not make space to meet him, while I spent time with my childhood friends those days, he would consider it as rejection; if I didn't make proposals, which I very rarely do in general because my life has changed with work, girlfriend and life abroad, he would consider it as one-sided friendship). He would often travel to visit me in Germany when I was available. I must admit that I have been harsh sometimes (in communication), but his depression and the guilt he threw on me for the situation wore me out. To him, these comparisons were objective proof that I valued him less and that he was being wronged. From my perspective, these choices felt normal and not meant as a hierarchy or rejection. **Escalation** During this time, he fell into a severe depressive period. My lack of initiative and limited availability (consider that I live in Germany now and he lives in Italy) were experienced by him as: rejection emotional cruelty proof that the friendship was fake He began to describe me as: cold inhuman manipulative I, on the other hand, felt: constantly guilty emotionally pressured to be someone I’m not incapable of meeting his expectations no matter what I did **Break** Eventually, I pulled away. In December 2024, there was the first bad signs. I came back home for the Christmas holidays (about 19-20 days) and I basically came back to spend time with my family and girlfriend. He was already feeling alone and depressed. I actually told him that I would let him know if I managed to spend a day in Naples, but eventually it didn't happen and he felt wounded and ignored, getting angry with me. I know that he felt bad and that he would have made time for me in reverse. But that's his way of living friendships. Should I feel bad because I didn't set a date in advance for him? The last time we had met each other before that was June 2024 in Germany where I live and he felt like it was an eternity already. Plus, he grew frustrated and resented that most of the energy and proposals came from him. But again, should I feel guilty if I now work differently than before and I am less proactive in friendships? The final nails in the coffin were March and May 2025. In March, I felt overwhelmed by his constant accusations and his depression, with intrusive thoughts, and I told him I needed some space for myself. Of course it was interpreted as abandonment and when in April I told him that the daily-contact friendship we had wasn't sustainable for me anymore, and that all I could offer was the relaxed, occasional contact that I have with any other friend (even the ones he feels "inferior" to) the situation got worse for him. He started accusing me more heavily. In May, he had a trip to Germany already planned and I refused to meet him after his accusations. He exploded, insulted me and got to the point of self-harm. After that, I blocked him on social media. I didn’t do it to punish him, but because I felt overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. The silence, however, became for him: final confirmation that I never cared an aggravating factor that deepened his anger and hatred He also got to the point of self-harm. The messages I received became extremely hostile. **Current situation** We’ve had no contact for months. I’m more at peace, but I still carry guilt and doubt. I don’t feel anger toward him. He likely sees me as someone who destroyed the friendship and caused deep harm. I wonder: Was I actually always damaging to him? Can two people genuinely care about each other and still be emotionally incompatible? Is silence sometimes self-protection rather than cruelty? Is it realistic that, with time, a calmer, low-contact friendship could ever exist? I’m not trying to justify myself or paint him as a villain. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this was inevitable incompatibility, or if I failed in a more fundamental way. Any perspective appreciated.

Honestly I think it's time to draw a boundary here and make a rule that your son has to sleep in his own bed all the time, that it's no longer okay for him to end up in your bed. You don't need to keep letting him do that. I think all this back-and-forth about him sleeping in your bed, you spending the night in your son's room, your son wanting to sleep in the middle of your bed, causes way more anxiety and drama than if you would just make an across-the-board rule that he has to sleep in his own bed and that's it. It doesn't mean that you don't love him or that you won't spend special time together. Spending quality, loving time together takes place during the day and doesn't have to be tied up with sleeping together. This is becoming a major blurring of boundaries and sounds like it's causing problems.

That’s a normal thing between us

This is the only thing that I truly dislike about this forum. Why delete stuff? Just suspend or ban the user if they are being too offensive, but why delete what they post? Deleting disrespectful messages prevents users from knowing who has been disrespectful by browsing their posting history and seeing nothing that would warn them. Also, mods repeatedly delete not only the disrespectful messages themselves, but also the completely respectful responses to them. They basically cut out entirely conversations. They also cut out and cast into oblivion interesting and helpful conversations that have nothing disrespectful in them but are somewhat off-topic in a thread. I wrote to the moderators and basically begged them to stop doing this. I got no response at all. This message is probably going to be deleted too Oh well, the regular users here are great. Too few of them, but they are great.

What?..

So basically there’s this girl(14) Well we used to date right? Like a few months ago and then we broke up, because of a stupid misunderstanding. Then we had a bad argument on New Year’s Eve and I never thought she’d talk to me again, fast forward to tomorrow evening where she came up and hugged me, really tightly. And I looked her in the eye and jokingly said “you’re horrible” and she then said “yeah I know, but you have to live with me like that now” then she smiles so nicely winks and walks away. Then today I asked her if she had five minutes to talk, and it ended up being us catching up on 5 months worth of life. I noticed that she was glaring at me when I wasn’t looking, looking at my lips, her pupils dilated every time she looked at me. You know the usual signs of affection or attraction. Then we go on a walk e few hours later, and we got physically closer and closer until we were like right in each other’s faces, then I asked her if she was sure she wanted to do this again and she said no I’m not sure. Then kissed me. After a bit of that we walked about halfway back to school, and I decide to go for a walk alone, so I say goodbye and I go another way. Then later this evening. I told her I needed to talk about everything so I could understand and it ended with her drawing swastikas on me anyway, then she leaves, without even giving me a hug when I ask for one. After she started kissing and holding me tight, which really confused me. Then just as I was he ready for bed I get a message that says “can I borrow a shirt from you?” and I get even more confused. But I gave her the shirt and she kissed me again.

Really? Wow, that’s really disappointing. And also an interesting development. If moderators are too involved, it can indeed kill a healthy discourse, and not many people are interested in handholding. I totally get that - that can kill any platform. And wasn’t there a political sub-forum? So that should take care of the political arguing: I mean, it’s expected there, no? People will have different viewpoints.

I think that co-sleeping and dating are incompatible. If you're ready to start dating, it's time to teach your son to stay in his own bed

He doesn't want casual. He wants a fully available partner

There was a mass exodus when mods put a stop to all the political arguing. Also they started deleting disrespectful responses such as victim blaming.

What happened to this forum? I used to be on here a lot more a few years ago, and then I lost my login info and had the hardest time recreating a new username, but now there is nobody here anymore. Threads are old and there are like 3 people who contribute. What happened? This used to be a good community.

Sorry you’re going through this, and without knowing your situation, I really hope he wasn’t the reason for your (plans to) divorce. Can it be that it felt safe for him as long as you were officially married? Now that you’re talking about divorcing for real, he might feel pressured into a relationship that he doesn’t want yet. I know this contradicts the fact that you have met family and friends, but people can delude themselves about a lot of things. Men included. I don’t think it’s you. It sounds like he really doesn’t want a relationship right now and I wouldn’t question the “focusing on work and career” explanation. Sounds legit. And I can relate. My advice is to just back off for now and definitely don’t mention that “friends with benefits / loose sexual arrangement” proposal again. Things happen when we least expect them. So it’s probably best if you focus your effort somewhere else in the meantime. He might come around. Good luck!

I know the type of culture that you speak of, but you can't hold yourself responsible for your family's stupidity. If they choose to not take their meds, that's their choice and they alone are responsible for the outcome. FWIW, in my experience, those cases tend to resolve by themselves when the person gets hungry or starts to feel unwell. People usually overestimate their ability to suffer hunger - I bet you that if you stood firm, they'd be eating by Day 3.

Over-analyzing his motives and obsessing over this is not going to get you anywhere or be a productive use of your time and energy. The bottom line is that this man doesn't want any type of relationship with you, and you need to move on. This was the wrong move. When he broke things off with you, your next move should not have been offering a casual arrangement. It's like you were desperately trying anything to get him to want you. That's not going to work, and it just makes you look clingy and pathetic. If a man doesn't want to continue being with you, preserve your self-respect and walk away. And yes it might be really hard for you to do that, but those feelings are something you need to deal with on your own.

I would not bother twisting myself in knots over this, trying to be overly-accommodating at the expense of my own needs and desires. Instead I would view this as concrete evidence that it's time to end the relationship and that this was absolutely not the man for me. You already are.

It might operate on some kind of ELO system like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. Something similar happened with those apps, especially Tinder. I seemed to go almost overnight from getting a couple of matches a day to basically nothing. From what I understand if you get a slight dip in your engagement or don't use it for a while, your visibility quickly just bombs. I ended up just deleting them because they were doing nothing for me any more. But hey these algorithms are there partly just to make you pay for the premium. Since I wasn't going to do that, I opted out.

If any person in this world abused me emotionally like that, I’d cut off all contact with them.

I live in a third world country and I don't think I can do it and my family would never allow me He used to be caring at first but then he changed after a death in his family. He refused to take any trauma help. That's right. I live in a third world country and families wouldn't allow us to separate. I know it's an emotional blackmail but when my family hurt themselves by not taking any food or stop taking their meds, I just couldn't ignore them.

Quite simply? Because they are not as attracted or connected as they are saying. Someone who is okay letting you disappear is someone who is just not that into you. He also might be seeing someone else. Either way, this isn't someone who wants to be together. Rather than twisitng yourself in knots figuring out why, it would be wiser to start accepting that so you can move on. This was all way too much for 2.5 months anyway. Meeting families and talking about moving in so soon is a major red flag. It was fantasy-talk, not reality. This is compounded by the fact that you only spent a few days together in person. None of this was the foundation for a real relationship. Next time, don't get so carried away by the sparks and fantasy. Once all of that burns off, you are often left with nothing.