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Just goes to show that whatever impression you developed of this guy during your interaction was not 100% accurate. You believe you have a great friendship. But the guy gets offended when you take perfectly reasonable precautions, and he can't have an adult conversation about the subject. Realistically, you don't actually know much about this guy. He told you he had retired from a well-paying career. For all you know, he may be broke. Alternatively, maybe he was hoping that you would transition into sexual intimacy during his visit and he wanted to facilitate that by spending the night at your place. This is all just speculation. But I know for a fact that his actions/behavior are not the actions/behavior of an emotionally mature man who intends to respect your boundaries and treat you with respect. So if I were you, I'd be having second thoughts about having him come over for a visit.

If you look back at my old topics youll get a better idea of what I have been dealing with regarding my mother. This holiday i went to visit my mom and we spoke to my half sister(this matters) . My sister tells my mom her daughter was finally in her 30s graduated college and has her own apartment. My mom told her that was nice(we havent seen my niece since she was 5 im not in my 40s)and hung up. I told my mom I was so proud of my niece and my mom blurts out " she lives in low income housing with ten kids i bet" I was stunned and told my mom thats an ugly thing to say...but this is the kicker my mom THOUGHT she hung up but didnt and my sister heard her.Now shes not my moms daughter (see told you clarifying shes technically a half sister is important)and she was barely around her when i was growing up. Ive been trying to figure out what to say. I want to apologize but I didnt say it , but I still feel bad. How should I handle this? My mom isnt going to apologize that ik shell deny it. So what should I do? Wait for her to bring it up? I was astonished ...

Too much for what, exactly? Casual hookups? It's probably fine. Serious dating? Unlikely to work out well.

I been single for 5 years now. I used to be married and now I only look for friends with benefits situation. Not interested in dating. I recently met this girl who is 21, I am 37, and shes interested in me, and made it very clear she wants me, now I am very tempted. But is the age gap too much?

I agree, it is odd, and it feels like some sort of an emotional manipulation, a guilt trip. “If you don’t let me stay at your place I’ll have to sleep in my car, I’ll be poor and uncomfortable and it’s going to be all your fault”. Also, he seems unable to accept that you’re simply being careful and invents some other reasons for your completely reasonable decision.

I'd add that I think its a good basis as you are now to be leading as more fun, and flirty. Getting too deep, too quickly is overwhelming a lot of the time and can kill the attraction, the start is better when it's light and fun. I think most people do seek that depth though, but more when it comes with time. I'd say a sense that you are going to entertain but not see or really connect with your partner (as it becomes more serious) is what might lead to your kind of situation. I'm with you on the affection stuff. I don't think overly romantic gestures are merited with someone you've only known for a couple of weeks, it's better just to get to know eachother and have fun. A lot of women will like or even expect that though, which maybe just means you're not compatible with those women.

I work 2nd shift at a hospital. I get off at 11pm. There are two other people in the dept, they leave two hours after me. Usually when I leave for the night, I just leave. I don’t go and say bye to the other 2 coworkers. They know I leave at 11pm. My lead leaves at 7pm, before I do. She really has no idea if I say bye for the night. Today my lead told me to say bye to my 2 coworkers. These 2 coworkers sit on the other side like a cubicle over to the left of me so not that far from where I’m at. I know they probably told the lead something that I just leave with no good byes. I know it was them. On the weekends I have 2 other coworkers who sit next to me, so when I leave the coworker who sits next to me knows I’m leaving because I’m putting on my jacket and getting my purse out and he says bye. My lead told me that I need to inform people (specifically) the two coworkers who sit on the other side and tell them bye-they need to know in case theres an “emergency” they need to know my whereabouts. She didn’t say it was “those 2” but when I first starting working there-the coworker told me that she “didnt know that I left” well they don’t see me sitting at my desk…. That means I left. When I worked day shift and I left at 3pm at my previous jobs i never had to tell a coworker bye, unless someone was saying it to me. Now I’m thinking what those 2 coworkers said to the lead. That I don’t say bye? Or that they don’t know that I left? Seems silly. There are days when people have to work alone like if 2 other people are out on PTO or call in, 1 person has to work the evening shift solo, so does that mean that person has to call the lead at 11pm to tell them they are leaving at 11pm? I doubt it. Did I offend the 2 coworkers because I don’t say good night? Also, if they had a problem with me not saying bye-they could have just said something to me personally instead of telling a lead. I would rather hear it from a coworker than a lead. Also makes me wonder what other complaints they have against me. To add I’ve only been at this job for 2 months, and the dept -the lead and those 2 coworkers like to gossip and I’ve heard them talk crap about other people. I keep my personal life private-like a few weeks ago they they were quietly discussing how old they think I was and if I had kids

Yeah I think it may be partly to do with the vibe you give off. My friend is a born showman, entertains everyone around him and hes a kickboxer and is in great shape. Everything is a joke and a laugh basically until you know him a bit better. On the other hand Id tend to come off a bit more reserved and serious. It's a real generalisation obviously but I think there might be a tendency that if you're a kind of joker and entertainer you might attract women who want sex first and then decide you maybe aren't showing the depth they want for a relationship, if you lead a bit more straight maybe they might be more attracted to your mind but there isn't always as much of the "fun" factor that builds sexual attraction. Obviously you want to have a bit of both. Perhaps if you are always the funny man but have a bit of trouble connecting with more depth, that might be the issue.

Looking back on my years of dating I am convinced it all depends on the initial connection. If 2 people click-connect, not much can turn them off. I was the first one to run away if a new date expressed too much enthusiasm but then I met my boyfriend (almost 4 years ago already) and on our first date he layed it on so thick! I should have ran away but I didn't. I decided to give it a few dates and turns out he was genuine in his interest, he did not try to escalade the relationship too fast, gave me lots of space, etc. One day you'll meet someone and it will click end it will unfold naturally. She will think your flaws are cute and she'll love what makes you 'you'.

I connected with an Italian guy on a dating app. We’re both 60. Unfortunately we live in different cities about 3 hours apart. We got off the app and have been chatting on the phone and texting for the last 2 months. We both determined we have developed a great friendship and feel that we may have more. So we decided he would come to my city so we could meet. He thought he would just stay with me. I told him no, I’m not going to just meet a guy and then have him stay in my home, safety first. He seemed a bit put off by that. I suggested he book a room somewhere. Just now he texted me and suggested he would sleep in his car about 2-3 blocks away from me. I texted back saying that seems like an odd idea, he’s not homeless. He didn’t respond to my suggestion to book a room. I’m wondering why a mature man of 60 hasn’t thought of booking a hotel room himself. He has shared that he’s retired from a well paying career, so I would think he could pay for a room for a night. The arrangements to meet are now causing a bit of tension. And he’s now thinking that the sleeping arrangements isn’t the issue, that there another reason why I said no. Thoughts, comments anyone?

Our standards for family drama just increased exponentially. I'm sorry your dad is being a wuss about this, unless he's plotting revenge or something... Have a better New Year.

I agree OP. I've known women who no longer had interest in sex with their husbands find out about his affair and suddenly turn into sex maniacs. You're actually doing them a favor by telling some of the time.

I couldn't live with a woman so selfish. And no open relationship when the kids are still young. Just divorce.

We humans are social animals. For this reason, our environment, as well as the people we surround ourselves with, influence our choices and our lives. While we may have tendencies and preferences for certain things, everything we "hang out with" and who "hangs out with us" will decide the fate of our lives. The point is this: if you want to have a successful life, healthy relationships, become a man of value, and have peace of mind, what should you do? Very simple, you should first identify the place, then the people who live there, and see if there are men of value you can take example from, if they have healthy relationships, if they have peace of mind, and then hang out with them, get to know them, and befriend them for the rest of your life. It's also about "loosening" or spending very little time with all other types of bonds and environments that doesn't met your standards. If we can do this in life, then we are automatically reprogramming our brains, our actions, and our daily habits, to have a life exactly as we wanted it, just because spending your life time with those people will influence you to have their habits, behaviour. I wrote this short text from my life experiences, because I found myself becoming a different person based on my environment and the people I hung out with, and I understood how programming habits and behaviors played a role. Today, I focus on hanging out with people with whom I want to build an ideal social life, people always looking to grow, healthy, and not thieves/malicious people. I gave up the idea of having to be a man of value to women, or having to learn behaviors that would make me attractive to them, because I understood that no woman will ever be satisfied with a man, for any reason, including modern society's fault, but some women will be satisfied with who you are, and therefore, your focus should be on other things in life. And these are: healthy relationships and environment, values, respect, habits, diligence, commitments. But above all, a lot of courage, a lot of extroversion and introversion as needed.

Your marriage is already over, OP. You two are completely different now with a fundamentally incompatible view of what marriage is, where your values are, and what boundaries should be in place. She has already violated your marriage and disrespected you in a serious way by getting close to another person outside the marriage, and not going through with it only because this person was too far away and you - her actual husband - are an "obstacle." What in the fresh hell, man. And what exactly is your wife doing to save this marriage while you're twisting yourself in knots trying to do so?

What does this mean? It doesn't sound like you two know each other well enough to assume this is how she views you.

I have noticed this as well, I've had some acquaintances who were definitely not looking for anything serious, yet other people were drawn to them like moths to a flame, with the desire to "tame." Guess some people just want what they can't have. As for either giving off different vibes or overwhelming with emotions early on, the latter I don't think applies that much, as I treat the initial stages as "getting to know this person I fancy," no declarations, no exuberant expressing of care or affection, the most I do is tell them if I'm falling for them 2-3 weeks after I start falling for them. Related to the former, however, I have been thinking that I may be perceived as flirty and playful due to my normal way of interacting. I like to joke around a lot, poke other people for reactions, to tease playfully, basically conversations as a sort of sport. But I only do this if things stay surface level, because I usually get bored with small talk and start "shocking" us awake, so to speak. Otherwise, I prefer deeper, more meaningful conversations, even if they are around heavier stuff, but I've resigned myself to wait for them to happen instead of trying to make them happen - most people I meet don't seem very keen on talking about "life stuff." It's not that I actively mean for it to be perceived as flirty, either, I honestly don't even think I'd know what to do were I to start a conversation with the purpose of flirting with someone, but I guess it can be taken as such since it's all lighthearted fun.

Its interesting to me this is your experience. I tend to kind of be the opposite, most women I get to the point of intimacy with want a relationship, but I want something more casual in those cases, and when I feel a bit of a connection developing we usually never get to the point of being intimate. Different stuff, but still equally frustrating! I have a friend who would seem to be more along your lines. He's handsome, witty and charismatic, and women would be all over him but it's clear they're after one thing. He's very showy and offers a kind of thrill that attracts women who just want a good time. That said he claims to want the same thing himself but I suspect deep down he craves more. From what you've said on here it seems like you're a bit more reflective and outwardly looking for something deeper than he might be, but do you think you might be giving off a bit of a "good time" energy that means women might not take you seriously when it comes to a relationship, but that you might be someone who's fun to spend some time with? I don't know if it's that you are just being too emotionally intense too early, as I think that on its own tends to stop things in their tracks entirely whether it's on a more physically level or something more. Just spitballing here but maybe some of that lands with you.

The embarassment of cancelling a wedding wouldn't be as bad as the embarassment of having to go through a divorce in a couple years. Anyone who is having doubts about a marriage shouldn't go through with it. You're setting yourself up for a lot more stress later on.

Haha, no worries- it's definitely the time-zone difference:) We've got this!

We each get to decide what we want to see and learn from any given experience. While I might have been flattered by the attention of someone who was being disloyal to a partner when I was younger, I've since grown to see the character flaw of disloyalty as the opposite of a turn on.

Sure. Suffering and grief are natural aspects of living. Future outcomes depend on what we do with the suffering. We can either use it to sink ourselves into a deeper hole to climb out of, or we can use the experience as a teacher of lessons we won't repeat as we move forward with more confidence to build a better outcome.

Crossing boundaries demonstrates a lack of respect, making a partner out to be an adversary rather than a partner. Arguing to clarify remains respectful regardless of whether an agreement can be reached.

I'm just telling you what we APs hope happens upon discovery. Yeah it is delusional and not at all a likely outcome.

1. She doesn't feel stuck because she isn't stuck. 2. She future faked and love bombed you which means she's likely a narcissist. 3. There's a pretty good chance she will not contact you again and has chosen her spouse over you. You are/were disposable to her. Merely an appliance for her to pick up and put down as she sees fit. You were a source of narcissistic supply/fuel. 4. None of what she said was true. As mentioned, you provided her with supply/fuel. This was never a "love story." Trust me I've been there and bought the bulls*** hook, line and sinker. It is easy to do. They're very adept at ensnaring you. 5. Don't reach out or contact her again. I have not done so with mine. It's been a year and it's been the worst year of my life but I have not debased myself by reaching out. Don't do it. 6. Watch and read everything you can by HG Tudor.