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I think you handled it well...you were straight forward and communicated what you thought. Why play stupid games right?

My Story and Current Dilemma My elderly father, who had lost his wife six years earlier, suffered a serious fall while living alone. With his mobility challenges, he was prone to falling, and my habit of daily check-in calls prevented a much worse outcome. The fall left him with a severe head injury, which made his life with terminal cancer even more difficult. In a short period of time, I sold my house, made arrangements with my retail job, and moved back home. He needed constant support during recovery, and I couldn’t allow him to live alone when it was clearly unsafe. After about a year, my focus shifted entirely to caring for him. Cooking, cleaning, companionship, and countless doctor’s appointments became my full-time job. In return, I had room and board, but with little income I accumulated significant debt. A few years later, he passed peacefully at home—his favorite big band music playing, with me by his side. I continued to live frugally in the family home while seeking employment. Unfortunately, the economy was struggling, and my qualifications didn’t fit available jobs. Debt and household expenses kept growing. During this time, my older sister and her husband were struggling with substance abuse. Eventually, through faith and determination, they turned their lives around, but only after losing their home and savings. They moved in with his parents, which was cramped and restrictive, and understandably wanted a change. Our father’s assets, including the family home, were divided equally between us. At first, it seemed fair: they moved in, and I welcomed them. I cooked most meals and tried to contribute while getting back on my feet. Later, I found good employment, but with less time to devote to household duties, conflicts began. Between COVID and my own disabilities, that job only lasted two years. I retired when I became physically unable to continue, and the pandemic drained all joy from the work. Since then, my sister and her husband have used their financial advantage to dominate the household. Their clutter occupies more than 75% of the home, leaving me squeezed into small spaces. They constantly pressure me to sell my half of the property and leave. With my debt and small SSI retirement check, selling is not an option. My best bet is to remain here. My sister believes she can deduct her contributions to household expenses from my share of the home’s equity. She is mistaken—there was never any agreement to that effect. The property will not be sold. My Current Dilemma I am now disabled by several autoimmune disorders that severely limit my mobility. I am still somewhat ambulatory, but at constant risk of falling. Bathing facilities in the home are inadequate: - The bathtub is impossible due to the step-over and the need to rise from floor level. - The walk-in shower has no grab rails, making showering terrifying. As a result, I seldom bathe, which is beginning to cause health problems. Medicaid/Medicare have been helpful, and I may soon have grab bars installed. But what I truly need is a walk-in tub to address skin and joint issues. Unfortunately, Medicaid/Medicare classify this as a capital improvement, not durable medical equipment, so it must be paid out of pocket. The only way I could afford it is by tapping into my home equity. My sister refuses to allow it. I fear their intent is to make the home environment so uncomfortable and unsafe for me that I will eventually leave. The one advantage I hold is that they want to add a Florida room to the house. To do so, they would need a home equity loan, which requires my cooperation. I would only agree if they also supported installing a walk-in tub. I share this here because I feel trapped between my health needs and family conflict. Any perspective or advice from those who have faced similar family property disputes or household power struggles would be greatly appreciated.

I just noticed this part of your post. IMO this is not a realistic expectation of friendship. Yes, there are a few friendships that truly are like life companionships (essentially marriages without sex), but I'd say that 99.9999% of them are not. The only times I've seen this happen were in people who lived in the same place all their lives, and they met this friend in school when they were both children, and both people never left the town that they were born in. Basically, very uncommon in modern society. If you haven't already made a friend like that, I think odds are that you never will. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, because I don't think that that's what friends are meant to be. It's kind of like merging the expectations that are usually reserved for a spouse, into friendship (which is usually more casual).

Yes, I can understand that. So you don't have any deeper interest in this woman?

First of all, pulling away so that the other person chases you is an idiotic thing to do. No sane adult person is going to participate in such mind games. Second, hoping that something will come out from hooking up with a girl who offers sex to other men the moment she has trouble with a boyfriend is pointless. Third, if you got a hickey from another girl and displayed it to this one, it’s a 100% jerk move that it sure to repel any normal girl. Fourth, it looks like she’s back with her boyfriend, so there is no sense in pursuing her anyway.

Well, that was pretty stupid. Likewise for the hickey on your neck, I presume this was from a casual encounter, so why advertise that you've been hooking up with other females? Why would you behave like this towards a girl you supposedly like? If you ever want to find a decent, intelligent woman, grow up and stop trying to play mind games. Being a jerk is a great way to make women not chase. Not if she has any brains.

Of course there's a reason you're not being loved properly: it's what you are choosing for yourself. If you don't want to be a 'useless side piece type' you need to start making better decisions. Do you have a therapist? If not, I suggest you get one pronto. Honestly this whole situation is one of your own making

I just don’t know if I’m somehow unlovable or there’s a reason I get backburnered? All I know is this and many Saturday nights he’s taking me out for date sort of activities and it’s definitely not just casual sex… so I can’t be just like a useless side piece type

He wanted to hook up, which is fine, you wanted a bit more romance than that, which is also fine. You just didn't want the same thing, theres no amount of "showing" or "convincing" him or anything that will change that. The best way to find out if you're on the same page is to talk about it. If you are, then great. You then see if his actions line up with his statements. If not, you can just leave it there.

If they don't jump at the opportunity and make themselves available then it's a big fat NO.

Wow this guy must be great in the sac if all you women involved don't mind about his cheating and lying.

His intentions were pretty clear, he just wanted to hook up. been there done that.

OP I am really sorry it has come to this...no pun intended. IMO it's the bigger money that they keep offering her that is driving her to take on more physical roles. You can tell her, that she's over stepped the crucial boundaries you had in place, she lied, and refuse to listen to you...so what other choice did you have? You can't ever trust her again. That pretty much finishes this relationship. Sorry there was no happy ending.

An individual counsellor who has experience with relationships/affairs.

I am looking at individual. It’s definitely not about him. I just was curious what kind deals with affairs and moving forward.

I would suggest that you find an individual counsellor. Counselling isn’t about him, it’s about you. Glad you have the resources to do this for yourself… best wishes.

I’ve never been to counseling, but I think this situation warrants one, as I am struggling more with this than any other previous break ups. Do you know what kind of counselor? Relationship? Marriage? I don’t know which direction to get the help.

This is usually how affairs end though… with a traumatic breakup. Discovery. Or, he simply decides to turn his attention back to his family and the affair partner is left out in the cold. Of course it hurts. What you are feeling is grief, and there are a lot of emotions associated with grief and the loss of an important relationship. Feel the feelings but don’t get stuck there, find something to keep your mind busy in a positive way… This too shall pass and you will be ok. Just don’t go back… find a counsellor if you can to do the work to figure out why you chose this for yourself, why you stayed so long in this relationship, and how you can begin to move forward to a better future for yourself… good luck.

It should be, but I’m also struggling hard. It went from everything be fine, to him basically hating me and cutting me off cold turkey. It was instant. I’m hurting so much.

While it may not feel like a blessing, that’s exactly what this is for you… this is your opportunity to go out and find the life that you are supposed to be living…

You opened this thread by saying you both did toxic things to each other, and you're now wondering why you weren't good enough? You're being very silly

Exactly. It's disappointing but I would not pursue this.

Yes when people are interested in you the way a go out on a date invitation implies they will find time no matter how busy they are.

By remembering that it was likely always going to end this way. You two were on borrowed time for years. It's time you stopped wasting your life on soneone who probably never had any real intention of making this into something real.

We won't be able to answer that. He just doesn't have those feelings for you. How much more of your life are you going to waste on this dead-end?