All Activity

Posted 1 hour ago Hi everyone, I’m looking for objective input because I’m struggling to reconcile how this went from 10/10 intensity to over almost overnight. I’m 32, she’s 27. We dated for about 6 months. From the start to finish it was intense. extreme physical chemistry, great sex (she repeatedly said best she’s ever had by far, multiple orgasms, sex multiple times per day), constant affection, constant admiration. It was very intense from the jump. She would say things like I’m the nicest, highest quality guy she’s ever dated, she’s never been treated so well, etc. We integrated with each other’s friends and family. Lots of trips, time together, and honestly we had a blast even doing nothing. 2 weeks ago she was showing me engagement rings, planning our moving in together when shes done school... She said over and over I was the best she’d ever had in every way (treatment, looks, sex, stability, connection, shared intersets). She's told me nothing but horror dating stories and experiences she's had in the past. She's consistently pedestalized me hard to the point where it was like OK enough already . She’d say she felt so lucky, sometimes cried saying she didn’t feel good enough for me (I have a stable career, good family background, financially secure. She's just starting out and still in school, she questioned why I would even choose her). I always reassured her. There were 2 conflicts over the course of the relationship. Most recent was 6 weeks ago, Nothing toxic, but I can be blunt and direct in conflict. I have high integrity and low tolerance for disloyalty. My intense reaction (albeit a fair one) really freaked her out. At one point she asked hypothetically if I would end the relationship if she crossed certain boundaries, and I said yes without hesitation. My general relationship philosophy is: we choose each other daily, nothing is guaranteed, and I refused when she asked to promise unconditional forever no matter what. I believe in loyalty and effort, but not blind permanence. I’m independent and not overly fused. She said she’s afraid that if she messes up, I’m gone. She prioritizes emotional safety highly and struggles with anxiety disorder. Valentines weekend was our last weekend together. I was physically sick and despite that, drove to her, stayed the whole weekend, had a great time, together, she was effusive as usual, very physical. That sunday she said she had the best orgasm of her life. However, since I was sick, I was a bit short perhaps, she keep askign whats wrong and seemed concerned it was about her. I assured her again nothing is wrong, I'm just really sick with a cold.. She wanted me to stay the night but I had work the next day. After that day, I noticed some emotional distance, faint but there., 2 days later, I went on a boys trip. I noticed she became slightly less warm over text. 2 nights ago, she texts "Can we talk?". She then told me that week was extremely difficult for her and she was crying almost every day. I had no idea. When she ended it, she was calm but crying. She said: -I can be negative at times, cynical. -She doesn’t feel a “best friend” vibe at this point which is what she needs (I think that's unrealistic and points to being too enmeshed) -The past 2 fights made her worry long term. But she also said: Physical/sexual connection was 10/10. I’m amazing. She’s never been treated better. She’ll miss me so much and was crying uncontrollably. BUT she was 100% firm in her decision... I said I understand, It sounds like you thought about this and don't feel like it's something we can talk about or can work through. I respect your decision but this is the last time we will be talking. I just shipped her stuff back to her today via mail. I feel blindsided because none of these concerns were communicated as relationship-threatening before the breakup. I absolutely would have worked on anything she brought to me. I put my best into our relationship, I really loved and cared about her so much... So I’m trying to understand: Was this: An anxious attachment issue where my independence and firmness triggered insecurity? A genuine incompatibility in emotional style (she needing more fusion and reassurance than feels natural to me)? Something else entirely? I’m not looking to villainize her. I genuinely cared about her. But I’m trying to understand how someone can be head over heels, crying about losing you, and still walk away without attempting repair.

This is a red flag. No one should be looking at engagement rings and talking about moving in together at 6 months of dating. She was lovebombing you and she doesn't sound very emotionally stable. The relationship was moving way too fast. And when it moves insanely fast like that, it tends to fall apart and end just as fast.

To become a model of dignity and self-respect for your son. Once you heal from the grief, you'll have new opportunities for a happy and healthy relationship that will also teach your children what a loving partnership looks like. Getting walked all over by a miserable shrew would damage your son more than you can imagine.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for objective input because I’m struggling to reconcile how this went from 10/10 intensity to over almost overnight. I’m 32, she’s 27. We dated for about 6 months. From the start it was intense. extreme physical chemistry, great sex (she repeatedly said best she’s ever had by far, multiple orgasms, sex multiple times per day), constant affection, constant admiration. It was very intense from the jump. She would say things like I’m the nicest guy she’s ever dated, she’s never been treated so well, etc. We integrated with each other’s friends and family. Lots of trips, time together, and honestly we had a blast even doing nothing. 2 weeks ago she was showing me engagement rings, planning our moving in together when shes done school... She said over and over I was the best she’d ever had in every way (treatment, looks, sex, stability, connection, shared intersets). She's told me nothing but horror dating stories and experiences she's had in the past. She's consistently pedestalized me hard to the point where it was like OK enough already . She’d say she felt so lucky, sometimes cried saying she didn’t feel good enough for me (I have a stable career, good family background, financially secure. She's just starting out and still in school, she questioned why I would even choose her). I always reassured her. There were 2 conflicts over the course of the relationship. Most recent was 6 weeks ago, Nothing toxic, but I can be blunt and direct in conflict. I have high integrity and low tolerance for disloyalty. My intense reaction (albeit a fair one) really freaked her out. At one point she asked hypothetically if I would end the relationship if she crossed certain boundaries, and I said yes without hesitation. My general relationship philosophy is: we choose each other daily, nothing is guaranteed, and I refused when she asked to promise unconditional forever no matter what. I believe in loyalty and effort, but not blind permanence. I’m independent and not overly fused. She said she’s afraid that if she messes up, I’m gone. She prioritizes emotional safety highly and struggles with anxiety disorder. Valentines weekend was our last weekend together. I was physically sick and despite that, drove to her, stayed the whole weekend, had a great time, together, she was effusive as usual, very physical. That sunday she said she had the best orgasm of her life. However, since I was sick, I was a bit short perhaps, she keep askign whats wrong and seemed concerned it was about her. I assured her again nothing is wrong, I'm just really sick with a cold.. She wanted me to stay the night but I had work the next day. After that day, I noticed some emotional distance, faint but there., 2 days later, I went on a boys trip. I noticed she became slightly less warm over text. 2 nights ago, she texts "Can we talk?". She then told me that week was extremely difficult for her and she was crying almost every day. I had no idea. When she ended it, she was calm but crying. She said: -I can be negative at times, cynical. -She doesn’t feel a “best friend” vibe at this point which is what she needs (I think that's unrealistic and points to being too enmeshed) -The past 2 fights made her worry long term. But she also said: Physical/sexual connection was 10/10. I’m amazing. She’s never been treated better. She’ll miss me so much and was crying uncontrollably. BUT she was 100% firm in her decision... I said I understand, It sounds like you thought about this and don't feel like it's something we can talk about oregon work through. I respect your decision but this is the last time we will be talking. I just shipped her stuff back to her today via mail. I feel blindsided because none of these concerns were communicated as relationship-threatening before the breakup. I absolutely would have worked on anything she brought to me. I put my best into our relationship, I really loved and cared about her so much... So I’m trying to understand: Was this: An anxious attachment issue where my independence and firmness triggered insecurity? A genuine incompatibility in emotional style (she needing more fusion and reassurance than feels natural to me)? Something else entirely? I’m not looking to villainize her. I genuinely cared about her. But I’m trying to understand how someone can be head over heels, crying about losing you, and still walk away without attempting repair.

Yeah I don't plan on telling him

yeah this whole thing is weird if real. randomly found a poor lost girl at an EDC with thousands of people. took her home and slept with her in your bed. sounds like more to the story.

you aren't dating, you're just sleeping with her. you should be honest if your son asks about your life, sure, but if you just randomly tell him you're sleeping with someone half your age that he went to school with, that sounds more like bragging than having a family discussion about feelings. **edit, i don't say "half your age" as a judgment just as matter of fact.

so go home and stay with your miserable girlfriend and let her continue treating you like crap. there are other ways to spend time with your child instead of staying with a horrible person.

Hi, Thank you all. It"s been a few weeks since I moved out. Unfortunately, I can't do this. I know I might regret it, but it's just too much. I can't imagine not seeing my boy every day. I feel paralyzed, I can't focus, I can't do anything. I didn't think it would be this hard. It feels like either way I'll suffer, so what's the point of the separation?

True, I'll be honest if the time comes.

Why imagine this as a secret? If son wants to know about your dating life, he can ask.

I got told by some people on a different site that I should be honest. I agree, I don't see why I need to tell.

I think it would be super weird to tell your son this. Why does he need to know about this? It would be very random to tell him that you are sleeping with some girl who he went to school with, someone who he was never friends with or anything. He would probably rather not know about your sex life.

I don't understand what happened.

Oh, c'mOn. There was no couch in your home for her to sleep on?

Research the terms 'rebound' and 'rebounding'. It's a thing. It doesn't make anyone a villain, but it's typical with someone who attempts to leapfrog from one relationship to another. The speech about needing time to 'find myself' is as common as it gets. People usually need time to stabilize solo after a breakup.

I am 44, man. I been involved in a friends with benefits relationship with a 22 year old woman since November last year. I saw her on Facebook was really attracted to her so I send her a message and we ended up here. We are just interested in a casual relationship and we really enjoy our company. The problem is I saw on her fb she went to the same school as my son. I asked her about it, and she confirmed she knows him and they were in the same class but weren't t friends and they didn't talk much. My son is away at his mom's at the moment, as we are divorced, but he's coming back in 4 days and I feel aukward now a little. He lives with me. I asked her how she feels, and she is not bothered about my son, so I thought we don't need to let him know and just continue our relationship. I mean it's none of his business right?

We’ve met once or twice since then, but yes, there hasn’t been any sex. Thank you for your opinion. Deep down I think I see it the same way. I guess I was just holding on to hope, because unfortunately I fell in love with her.

I see, so you had an affair, she eventually broke up with her partner, and now isn’t sure about what she actually wants. This happens a lot when a relationship starts as an affair. I’m not saying it’s always impossible to have a good relationship grow out of an affair, but in most cases, building something good on a bad foundation doesn’t work too well. In retrospect, of course it would’ve been much better if you had started your relationship after she had broken up with her partner and not before. But even in that case, what’s happening now would still likely happen. It’s really hard to have a good relationship right after the breakup. Again, not impossible, but the odds aren’t in your favor. I understand that your sexual relationship stopped after she moved out? Because you said it was just “kiss on the lips” and nothing more these days. In that case, I think yes, you should move on.

Yes, we were together, not officially in a big “Facebook status” way, but we were dating and emotionally involved. We were physically intimate. It wasn’t just friendship or flirting. We acted like a couple, just without putting a formal label on it. We also kept it quiet from most people because we didn’t want it to look like she left her situation just because of me. We could meet when the kids were with their father or with their grandparents. There were also times when we both took days off work so we could spend more time together and go somewhere else. So it wasn’t just random or occasional meetings, we made time for each other. She told me she liked me and wanted to build something serious. When she decided to move out, she said I was a big reason she found the strength to do it. We talked about taking things step by step and seeing where it could go. There weren’t dramatic promises about the future, but there was definitely an understanding that this wasn’t casual.That’s why the sudden distance is so confusing for me. It didn’t feel temporary or light it felt real and mutual. She told me that once she feels emotionally better and less exhausted, she will definitely let me know.

The hand-holding, the brushing her hair away, the walking her to the toilet was already bad enough. But of course the craziest part is this: Unless you guys are swingers or something like this, why on Earth would either of you invite a stranger into your bed? Having her spend the night in your house was already a very strange move, to say the least. But having her sleep in your actual bed? There are no couches in your apartment? No floor to put a mattress on? I can’t fathom why you would agree to that.

I don’t understand the nature of your relationship with her. Were you ever together? Were you physically intimate? Did she make any sort of commitment to you, any promises?

I’ve been working at the same place for over three years. When I first started there, I was in a long-term relationship that was already slowly dying. At work, there was this beautiful girl who immediately caught my attention. But I never made a move, because I was still in a relationship and I did love my girlfriend at the time. Later I found out this girl has two kids from two different fathers, and she was still living with one of them in a bad relationship. When I learned that, I decided to let it go and not try to get closer to her. About a year and a half ago, I broke up with my long-term girlfriend. After that I dated a bit (Tinder, etc.), but I still had feelings for this girl from work. About six months ago, completely by accident, we ended up working together more closely for a while. I was so nervous around her that she asked me what was wrong. I decided to be honest and told her I liked her. She told me she liked me too and would like to get to know me better. Because of her two kids, we could only meet after work for short periods. She was still living with one of the fathers, who was emotionally abusive towards her every day. As things between us developed, she gained the strength to move out and rent her own apartment in December. I supported her the whole month (emotionally and practically) because she was afraid to tell him immediately that she was leaving. In January she finally moved into her fully renovated apartment. And then, around mid-January, everything changed. She told me it was all too much too fast, new apartment, raising two kids alone (even though she was basically already doing that), and that she has been going from relationship to relationship and never had time to truly be alone and find herself. Now she says she needs distance, but she doesn’t want to break up. I can see she acts neutral with everyone, but this situation is driving me crazy. I feel like maybe I was just a crutch — someone who helped her get out of a bad situation. Sometimes we talk about the situation. She still gives me a kiss on the lips, but I’m scared she’s only doing that because she doesn’t want to hurt me. She barely reaches out during the afternoons, but if I don’t text her that I’m okay, she complains about it. I honestly don’t understand what’s happening. I’m not necessarily looking for advice. I just don’t have anyone to share this with. But if anyone has been in a similar situation, I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Right now I’m at the point where I’m thinking about quitting my job and moving far away, just so I don’t accidentally run into her anymore. Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone I wanted to get your opinion on a few situations. My husband and I attended EDC Mexico music festival this past weekend. Side Note: He was very tipsy the whole night. During the festival, we both lost each other. When I found him, he was talking to a younger girl (we’re both 33 and she is 25). Side note: they both speak Spanish and I don’t, so he had to translate a lot. She was crying because her friends abandoned her so my husband and I stayed with her during the whole festival. The girl and I were dancing together a lot. I also noticed my husband held her hand, danced with her as well, and brushed her hair away from her face. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting for this part in case he just wanted to include her so she doesn't feel left out. Another situation was at the end of the festival when we were walking out, the girl told my husband that she had to use the bathroom. He told me to stand where I was and he took the girl to the bathroom. I thought this was wrong because he should’ve asked me to come with them. I felt it was wrong he was leaving me alone especially since I don’t speak Spanish, and what if we got lost again. Last situation was the girl asked if she could sleep at our place until the morning. We said ok because she looked scared and we didn’t want her to not have any place to go. My husband slept on the left side of the bed first, she slept in the middle, and I slept on the right side. I told my husband he should have commented to the girl that I should have been the one to sleep in the middle. I don’t feel like either of them had bad intentions, but I wished my husband reacted differently in all situations. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you very much.

Your feelings about what, exactly? This is unclear. Who is "we" and where did your husband go back to?