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Oh, I understand. I'm from Mexico, and religiously speaking, I'd say I'm Christian because I believe in the God of the Bible, although I must admit I'm not someone who goes to church or follows it to the letter. I simply believe in God and in loving people. I've thought about talking to a professional, although I must admit I'm a little embarrassed, but I have no doubt that I might have some kind of disorder. I hate it when adults don't behave like adults, even though I sometimes empathize with them. It's their first time living, just like me, but they don't realize that many of their actions hurt others. My family is in another state, and honestly, I don't talk to them much, only to wish them a happy birthday. My relationship with my brother is quite good, but I feel ashamed to tell anyone what I'm feeling. In fact, that's why I'm writing this here. Thank you so much for responding to my comments; I really appreciate it

Thank you everyone for the replies and reinforcing what I guess I already knew. I agree with you all, I made mistakes not stopping this earlier and now it's too far gone. In hindsight I was never really comfortable with her kissing other people, especially when some of them scenes were rather hot and heavy, but I told myself this is what actors do. I guess that opened the door for her to push further and I was too stupid not to shut it. I still wouldn't classify it as porn so we can agree to disagree there, as as has been said how it's classified really doesn't matter. As for doing this stuff before, well yes, we've had our fair share of adventures. We have made movies for our own viewing and one some rather risque stuff but it's always only ever been us. There had never ever been discussion of another people in our relationship. In fact when a couple we were friends with came out as swingers my wife was appalled and we distanced ourselves from them. That decision seems bizarre now given what I'm going through. So I guess where we are is that I am going to reiterate where I'm at to her and then the ball is in her court. Either she respects our relationship and me and we can move forward or she totally disrespects me and my feelings and the choice will have been made for me.

Ohh, good catch. Yes this seems likely!

I wish they had such things where I live. I'd have used it earlier instead of finally finding out that she's cheating, after suspecting her for years.

Who wouldn’t want to grow up in a healthy, supportive family? Unfortunately, not all of us are given that privilege. When you study relationships and start to understand how they should work, you suddenly feel the emptiness of what you never had. You notice other families who communicate openly, support each other, and grow together, and you realize how different things are at home. (your home). Part of you wants to create the same dynamic with your own family, because you want to feel in a safe place, but you know it wouldn’t work, and that makes you feel broken. That sense of warmth and safety that real families share is priceless, and many of us have never experienced it. You may wonder who am I to talk like this. I'd love to say I'm not an antropologyst, but I'm someone who experienced this on his own skin. To share a real life things, a friend of mine found that kind of love in his partner’s family, and it completely changed him. Hearing his story made me reflect on my own background, where love exists only on a biological level, without true unity or emotional growth. I can cleary see his transition from a guy to a man, just because of the influence of that family. He also told me now He feel in a safe place. Like something like a "positive feedback loop" or something like "honeymoon phase" but perpetual. I look around and see families who grow together, while I feel the sadness of not having one. Even the people I hoped I could rely on behave in ways that remind me of the environment I grew up in, shouting, disrespect, and a lack of care. Instead of having a solid family or social circle to lean on, I feel alone among people who often show only their worst traits. Whenever you try to open up, you end up getting hurt. Sometimes it feels like I’ll never find a group I can truly call family, a team that moves forward together. And I keep wondering where I might find people who can finally make the world feel safe.Sure, I can still see families united, but I can sense that something's not right. Even though I see them united, I see them partying, always being present, etc., there's something about their level of rudeness or how they relate to each other that makes you say they're all together for reasons of blood alone, and not to help each other. I always wonder, in these cases, where we should start to create points, pillars, people in our lives who we can truly trust?

"Cultural background" means the country you come from, your religion, your education, etc, . So, you're coping with a lot, it's hard enough navigating your teenage years without having difficulties at home making it harder. Anxiety disorders, depression, bipolarity, etc, can be inherited, and if you think you may have some type of disorder then, if possible, the best thing to do is see your doctor and talk to him/her about it, and if you need therapy they can refer you to a professional who can diagnose and support you. The anxiety you feel about your girlfriend, a kind of over-dependence, could also be part of an anxiety disorder. It's quite likely that living with parents who create a stressful environment by arguing is a big part of any emotional distress you're feeling, and unfortunately there's probably not much you can do about that, adults don't always act like grown-ups. Do you have grand-parents, siblings, or any other family who you could turn to to talk about what's happening?

It sounds to me that she's already there, if she's outsourcing her desire for kink to her new career. OP has she ever asked you for stuff like public/risky sex or shooting your own private movies, or is this somewhat out of the blue?

The lady in question clearly has exhibitionist tendencies. If the OP isn't exploring that with her I could see her growing bored with the relationship over time. Perhaps he could agree to participate in only fans with her.

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. I don't quite understand what you mean by "cultural background." So, I'll say that I'm from a Latin American country, and I'm 17 years old. I've been thinking that I'm just another teenager with obvious emotional problems, I say this because of my age. My family problems seem to center around my mother and father. I know they shouldn't be together, but they are, and I doubt they'll ever separate because the time for decisions has passed. Sometimes they seem like good parents, but then they have to argue about something, and that stresses me out a lot, to the point where I feel like I'm going to explode. The slightest noise I hear when they're like that causes me so much stress, ugh. My father went to a psychologist before (many years ago) for anxiety and bipolar disorder. I don't know if that can be inherited, but one of my conclusions is that I might have it too. I am very dependent on my girlfriend, and I am in a situation where this year I have seen her a maximum of 15 or 20 times, which puts me at a point where I cannot sleep at night

Yeah makes sense as you at least have some kind of balance in your respective lifestyles.

A lot of the people in that business if they do get into a relationship it is to someone else within the business

Back in the days of traditional cable they used to call these types of movies 'skinemax'. Would put them on late at night when censorship wasn't as tight. Would have about three or four sex scenes spread out over the course of an hour to hour and a half movie and nobody actually watched the movie outside of those three or four scenes.

I personally have my doubts that sex workers can have healthy committed relationships, or even that open relationships can work, as I've yet to meet anyone who fits that description who didn't seem thoroughly miserable and/or confused. But I accept that maybe those people are just wired differently to me. But I think regardless if you're going to even attempt that kind of thing you have to be 100% honest about and ok with what it is. You're emotionally committed to one person but you'll both have sex with others as a form of release/fun/self-exploration etc. That's the idea anyway. But if one person is coerced into it when it really doesn't sit right with them its not going to even remotely work.

I agree, She is delusional to think a rational partner would consider this "acting" and somehow accept it. It sounds like you're also in a sea of deniial, OP.

Yeah, I feel like this is bringing up a bit more for OP than OP even consciously realises. If I got a message from someone I used to hook up with years ago who was engaged now, I'd mostly likely just see the message, think "Huh, that girl? That's kinda crazy", not reply or reply briefly with something polite and proceed to forget about it in about 5 minutes. Even moreso if I was in a happy relationship myself. As for her motivations etc it probably doesnt say much for her opinion of the guy she's with, but to be honest I don't think there's any reason to give a damn. Now, if I was in a relationship myself that I deep down knew wasn't working, that's when I might start getting curious, reminiscing about my experience with her, diving into analysing her motivations, etc, etc. I think that's food for thought.

Yes I would also question if it's a scam. Someone could easily have breached your phone themselves using data from some low-security website you visited, figured out you are married and were away from your husband then used a blackmail story about incomplete payment to try and extort you. The story seems a bit off. I would also question if this whole post is just a thinly veiled ad for the site since you decided to spell out the URL which I also find a little bit unusual (sorry OP if this is not the case but I have to wonder since there is a lot of questionable spam on here).

The big issue here as I see it is that she has been pushing your boundaries for a long time, and since you haven't pushed back you are now at a point where you're in too deep. You can see this in the fact that neither of you actually wants to call this what it is: sex work. That's because you're not comfortable with your partner being a sex worker, she knows this and its emotionally safe to keep labelling it as just "acting". But when you look at the cold reality of it, what you both want at this stage is just fundamentally incompatible.

Any scene where they show a penis in her mouth is porn. Respectable films do have oral sex scenes in them as well but they generally aren't allowed to actually show an act that specific. Generally it will be a situation where the female character goes down below where the camera is focused and the camera will just show the man's reaction to what is supposedly going on. There indeed is a lot of money for women in porn but but does your wife understand the target audience a film like this would be aiming for? 99% of the people who will watch this type of production will just skip through the remaining story and just watch the sex scenes. Does your wife understand that or does she legitimately think people will care about her performance outside of how she looks naked and how good of dick sucking skills she has? If she understands that then it is her decision. But a woman performing oral sex onscreen isn't really acting. It's just having sex on screen. There is money in it but she is on the road to becoming a porn actress not a regular actress. Is that what she wants?

Hi there, can I ask what your cultural background is and your age? It may help people get a better insight into your situation. What sort of things happen in your family that upset you?

Does it really matter? I think once you reach that point where you decide you hate poverty more than you hate sin, and you're prepared to sacrifice certain things, and you make the decision to enter the sex industry, there's really no point differentiating between the different types of, (legal), porn in order to make yourself feel better about your choices. You clearly don't like that your partner is a sex worker, so you need to end it.

Yeah in all honesty anything with a full non-simulated oral sex scene is porn. I'm not familiar with the genre but it sounds like something designed for people who aren't comfortable with themselves watching straight up porn so they watch this kind of packaged version "for the story". I would not be comfortable with my partner doing this either. By the sounds of it there's really only one solution to this, because when that genie's out of the bottle it's very difficult to put back in. If you managed to talk her into quitting it would lead to resentment on her end, lingering suspicion on your end. If you gave in and let her go ahead and do it it would be you feeling the resentment. Either way nobody wins.

You can classify it as you like, but a video of non-simulated oral sex is porn. Hardcore porn, in fact. Licking nipples is softporn, perhaps. But any non-simulated sexual act performed for the camera is pornographic by definition. It doesn’t matter if the rest of the movie is dedicated to Schopenhauer’s philosophy or fine wines. Anyway, definitions don’t matter here. You were feeling uncomfortable already when she was doing scenes with full nudity, which might have not necessarily been pornographic. You should have set the boundaries or break up right there and then. It appears to me that you’re still trying to justify your wife’s behavior and downplay its content. You don’t need to. It’s not about the morality of what she’s been doing, it’s about you not being fine with it.

So it's porn. Right? Let's call a spade a spade here.

Thanks for the reply. I agree with all you said but I wouldn't classify what she does as porn, not even close in fact. I mean I focused on a few scenes here so it probably makes it sound bad but they are just once scene in a much longer movie where sometimes the rest of the movie has very little scenes of a sexual nature.

Neither you nor your wife are wrong here. She is right that what she’s been doing isn’t cheating, since you knew about that and agreed to that, reluctantly or not. And you are right in that you are fully entitled to feel very uncomfortable about what she’s been doing. Your mistake is that you didn’t make it clear to her from the beginning that her acting in erotic scenes was a dealbreaker to you. Don’t spend your time and energy on being outraged. She has made her choice, she wants to do porn, and that is more important to her than you or your marriage. I don’t say that by way of condemnation, I don’t think that what she is doing is unethical. But personally, I wouldn’t be okay with that, and clearly you aren’t okay with that either. It looks like breaking up with her might be the only option now. Unless, of course, you find some way to be sincerely okay with what she’s doing.