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Maybe, id not mind these episodes if she didnt push me away so i dont know anything, i mean, i dont even know if this is the truth, im feeling like im being ghosted, not that i believe she would do that, my mind is just too tired now

(Very) long-time member, but I haven’t posted for a while. After being single and on the apps for 15 years (interrupted by several chaotic situationships that were the reason I ended up on this forum), I finally met someone last year in May. We made it official in June and have been together for almost a year now. There was a relationship hiccup in October, when I had doubts. The reason was that my life is quite busy and he had the feeling I wasn’t making enough time for him. That in return led to me feeling a bit claustrophobic, so I asked him for a break to think things over. After a few weeks we decided to give it another try and since then I’ve really been trying to incorporate him into my life and to show him, that he means a lot to me. Over Easter we went on our first week-long trip together and it was lovely. We talked about the future, decided to go on holiday again together in late summer so I could meet his family. After many years, I finally felt happy, safe and secure in a relationship with a man. Then yesterday evening we had planned to meet. I told him I’d come to his place after work but he suggested meeting at a café instead (first sign something was off). We had a glass of wine and he seemed distant the whole time. Afterwards, while we were walking to his place, he suddenly said: “I have to ask you something.” For a millisecond I thought he was going to suggest moving in together. But he said: “Do you sometimes feel like this feels more like a platonic friendship? Because I do.” That was a complete shock. I told him that to me it 100% never felt that way. And I asked him if he wanted to break up. He was hesitant. I said: “I can deal with relationship ups and downs and we can work on anything. But I need to know that you still want to make this work. I wouldn’t want to be with somebody who’d rather not be with me.” He said “Do I have to answer that right now?” I said “Yes, preferably – as you’re leaving for a business trip tomorrow and I’d rather have clarity before. And then he just said: “I’m sorry.” Turned around and left. I haven’t slept all night and feel completely devastated. Now I’m at work, trying to get through the day. I had a big party planned for the weekend and I invited 40 people. They’re all going to ask where he is. Right now I can’t see myself going through with that. I miss him. I want him back. I can’t even fathom having to go back on the apps at almost 50. I’m sick of dating and I just want to finally find my person. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sad. Sorry, I know this is not really a question. I just needed to write this down somewhere ☹

People like this don't make for good partners in the long-term. You're seeing why.

I honestly dont know, all this is out of character for her, shes a genuine caring person and i believe she would tell me its over, i did tell her to always be honest with me too, and ive gave her a couple of opportunities to end it in my texts but nooe, she hasnt. I dont know any of her work friends ir family tbh, i did speak to 1 if our mutual friends recently and she said shes not seen her about anywhere, group chats or anything, which is unlike her. I dont think anything serious has happend as ive seen her post a song in fb, which im probs over thinking here, the lyrics where sonething like will i still love her when shes a mess etc. I dont know what to think tbh, this is out of character for her, but at the same time i feel this silence is her way of ending things, and it hurts, was only a few days prior we was laughing and joking about the next holiday id booked, hence nothing makes sense. The only thing that would have made sense is if there was someone else but with her busy life and how our relationship has been, like hid from from her ex, and i live an hour away, theres no way she would be with someone local. Regardless, i think this silence is her way of ending things and i havd to treat it as such, i hope not though

Basically yes, both times out of the blue too, no signs of anything, i remember the 1st time, had my usuall phone call before she went to work, then nothing for 3 days, she rang me after 3 days and basically said the same thing as her text this time, shes exhausted from everything etc, she did share a post during these 3 days thoigh that basically said shes not ignoring people, its how she is when she shuts down.. This time though is a lot longer and is worrying me, i logged on things yesterday and shes not removed me off anything so i dont know what to think

I don't really get the timeline here. Do you mean she is pulling the disappearing act again, that this is the second time she's done this?

None of this is normal whatsoever. It's not about having a liberal attitude towards nudity or cultural difference - it's about a young girl with inappropraite sexual behaviour and a mother who enables that. I am shocked you're still dating this woman. I would have ended it at the first sign that mom was such a piss-poor parent.

I once tried to date a woman who claimed to like pain as part of the experience. She wanted to be slapped across her thighs and butt, and bitten during intercourse. Afterward should told me that I hadn't done it hard enough. it sounded like something that would be kinky and freaky, but was actually just upsetting. I was worried that it was some kind of trauma from previous abuse. We made love twice. For the 2nd time she told me that unless she was literally crying in pain that I wasn't doing it right. I actually felt physically and emotionally ill. My biggest fear was that I might actually start to enjoy it. Don't do it.

I find their attitude to nudity, including public nudity, to be extremely "liberated." I make them wear rashies to beach, but they still don't cover enough.

Our daughters behaviour is very inappropriate. And at times I think she is doing it deliberately. I love her, she is a wonderful kid, but I don't know how to deal with this. She will swim naked in our pool, dry herself, then walk through the house naked. She will unlock out door (its a just a hole in the doorknob) and interrupt us to climb into our bed. When I make a mad grab for my shorts she jokes that she doesn't have pants on either and they both laugh. I now make sure than I have on shorts before I fall asleep, but my partner does not. I frequently wake to find our daughter in between us, and on one occasion she has naked. It has become a running joke for her to ask me to help trim her hairs, or to ask me to help wash her hair. If we're discussing watching a movie at night, she will ask me and her mum if we're going to have sex before or after the movie. It has upset my older children, because she also posts inappropriate comments on facebook, and then always retracts them with "oops sorry my bad English" It's also not beyond the realms of possibility, that I end up getting investigated, because of some of the things she posts. I don't THINK its in any way malicious, I think she just regards it all as a big joke.

The Legal Age of Consent in our country is 16. Our daughter is not even 14. I love my partner beyond anything, but I still find it confronting that she was sexually active before the age of 14, and that she's ok if our daughter is too.

Rebound relationships usually don’t last 3 years, so whatever it was in the beginning, I don’t think rebounding is the reason for what’s happening now. Clearly, this is something new and serious. Maybe some tragic event occurred in her life very recently. Some people stop communicating with others when they are grieving. If she keeps ignoring your texts and calls, I think you should go to her place and check on her. Do you have any mutual friends? Are you in contact with her friends or family? Maybe they could explain?

Where are you living now? Cultural differences matter and typically extend past dating. Have you discussed this?

Maybe, surely i would have seen the signs, i mean, we was on the phone daily, morning and night, and when she wasnt at work she was at home, plus her ex cheated on her multiple times so she knows what its like to be on the recieving end.. As for a rebound, that could be a possibility, i was a year later and she told me she hadnt loved him for a long time due to his abuse and control. It could be many things tbh, im sick of thinking and hurting, she was very effectionate on holiday btw, which was on 3 weeks prior to her doing this, and i booked another for us, so ive no clue, im still on another planet at the minute, and ive still not heard from her

i am from Eastern Europe (traditional household) and he is from West Germany. For example: he was very motivated from the beginning to cook at my place, and i had to tell him that i don't invite men to my place and take things slowly. I also don't really kiss on the 1st date etc. On our 5th date, before matching with Hannah, there was a misunderstanding about who should pay. He told me that he doesnt want to pay for every date "just in order to see me" and this phrase put me off. I told him that we don't really have to go on dates at all then and did not talk much to him for a couple of days. We talked about it later, he apologised and explained that he always dated only 50/50, but he respects my culture and wants to try it differently this time. "Feelings" for Hannah happened exactly during that period

I really feel for you to be honest and not wanting to hijack your post but im in a very simular situation and im guess your from york which i am too, sounds freaky that does. You have invested in someone who wasnt ready for that investment and basically in my view was a rebound. As a couple you dont go days without talking she is torn between you and someone else. And she is struggling by sounds of it.

What are the cultural differences? This could well be a compelling reason for him to want to date Hannah. ETA: At 29, after dating for 2 years, it seems to me you should both know whether you are life partners or not.

I can understand why. I think you know deep-down that he was indeed hoping to date this Hannah woman. Despite how he tries to spin this to make himself look better and to avoid hurting you further, it's evident that the truth actually is. The question is, do you feel you can continue the relationship knowing this?

generally saying, when i met him 2 years ago he was indeed immature and insecure, used to always ask his mother for advice even when dating girls and telling her everything (at 27!). that is how i know that he was very happy when we got together and could not believe his luck. I also know that he was intimidated by me in the beginning because we come from pretty different cultures (Hannah comes from his culture by the way). Lucklily he improved himself and does not involve his mother anymore, fully separated himself. Unfortunately in the beginning i knew nothing about it, he showed me only his best side.

of course i was too, and things are not good between us now. other than that we have a solid relationship and he never looked at or chatted with some other girl. Actually he blocked all the other girls after we started our relationship (i did not ask it).

what was it in your opinion? i know for sure that they did not talk much, he only saw some photos of her, exchanged a couple of messages and got very excited. that also doesnt sound like a serious interest if he did not even know a person. You are right, i also thought that there was no real romance. i should admit that i was reserved as well. after our first kiss the directly proposed to meet again in a couple of days, said that he "freed the schedule for us" and would like to spend a weekend with me, cooking together etc. I declined it because it felt like a bit too much. However I agreed to meet for coffee and then we had a small conflict/misunderstanding on cultural basis and i was more reserved that usual to him. That is when he matched with Hannah on Tinder. They only chatted for a bit online and he already got excited. The day he wrote excited messages about her to his mother (in the morning) is also the day where he was for the first time really passionate with me (we had a date in the evening) and brought me flowers - this also does not add up. Hannah was not really interested and he did not "pursue" her for 2 weeks or so. At that time we got pretty close and he wanted to see me every other day. He says he understood pretty fast that it was a shallow story, within the first conversations, but it was also a time when he was listeting to coaches, and all of them ususally say that you should date multiple people at the same time, that is why she kept that contact and reached out once again later. I am very confused

I would be insulted that he thinks you're naive enough to believe this. He's full of equine manure, girl.

He's 29, not a kid. My take is that he is too old for this sort of "projection," assuming you buy that's what it was (and I do not). Based on your OP, he had 4 dates with you which included one "reserved" kiss, and then he decided to pursue a Tinder match. This reads to me that he did not feel a strong romantic/sexual pull toward you after your kiss. He then spent a few weeks trying to arrange a date with Hannah but she was not interested enough to make a plan. At the end of July, he told you he was no longer seeing anyone else and by early August he suggested that you two become exclusive. Yet within a week or two he reached out to Hannah again, in hopes of seeing her. So when did he come to the realisation that Hannah was shallow exactly? What do you suppose would have been the outcome had Hannah agreed to meet him in August? I know you want to believe him but his actions simply do not add up imo.

he said that it was only a projection, he did not even know the person. he liked her optically at first but that's it, they never had any kind of a deep conversation. he wanted to meet her personally because he is not much of a texter and prefers to meet people in real life. he says he understood pretty fast that she was quite shallow and there were no prospects, he stayed in contact with her in order to not overinvest in me and because he generally wanted to live his single life. he knew i was something serious and special but was not ready for that at first. and wanted to keep some options until he was completely sure (which he then was). he admits it was very foolish on his side

How does he (or you) reconcile the statement above with the ones below? This doesn't sound promising to me.