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I started seeing my affair partner around June this year. We worked together for a year prior and there was always attraction. I knew of her situation and she knew of mine so we never did anything but flirt. Her husband lives in another country and they have been together for 5 years. They married shortly after they had a child. The father has never lived in this country. She would go for a couple weeks out of the year and see him, but mostly she raised the child alone. A month after she got back from seeing him, we started flirting more and she started to push it further. We both didn’t really know what we were getting into, but we talked about exploring and what we felt comfortable with. Slowly we opened up till we were pretty much dating. Spending everyday together. I expressed in the beginning that I didn’t want to make her life complicated and didn’t want her to do things if she didn’t feel comfortable. I told her before we got to close if you never wanted to go further let me know so we can part ways. She told me repeatedly this is what she wanted. Over the next 4 months we spend many days together. Talking over the phone up to 10 times per day. She even brought her child around me. I went to the park with them multiple times. We all went out to dinner many times. I even dropped him off at school with her. She expressed multiple times she wanted to leave her husband for me. We discussed it multiple times. She discussed a future with me. Even asked if I would ever be ok with marrying her eventually after her getting a divorce. She talked about future plans for vacations. When we initially started dating she told me her husband was working on coming to this country and she still wanted him too. Not to be with him, but to be apart of her child’s life. It worried me, but I couldn’t fault her for that. Over the months she made me apart of her everyday. Told me she loved me everytime we got off the phone. Because of the situation I never felt safe or comfortable and we started fighting a bit over my insecurities. She never left during any arguments and always worked through everything. If I was uncomfortable she would call me and talk to me till I felt better. She wouldn’t let me help finically with her child’s life. She paid for half of the dinners cause she wouldn’t let me pay always and bought me gifts occasionally if I told her there was something I was looking forward too. Towards the end she started to feel the fighting was a lot cause of my anxiety, and she was starting to feel like we wouldn’t break the fighting cycle. I started therapy and anxiety medication and started to feel better. We were talking through things and communication never stopped. She still called me multiple times per day and face timed as well. Every morning on the way to work and every night before bed. The night before on thanksgiving she called me and told me she loved me. She had a night mare and called me during sleep and I talked to her till she fell back asleep. The next morning she said happy thanksgiving I hope you have a great day . Then an hour later I she messaged me she couldn’t do it anymore and she wanted to be alone. I tried calling her and supporting her, but she was so shut down saying she got in a fight with her family member wouldn’t talk about anything and claimed she wanted to focus on her and her child. I gave her some space and tried coming back many times and each time she got more frustrated. Said she was confused but wanted to be left alone. That she was depressed and needed to focus on herself. We have stopped talking and I found out her husband is coming over here. That’s why she backed away. I told her if she wanted to focus on herself marriage that’s all she had to tell me. I want her to be happy and she didn’t have to act like I never mattered. She said she didn’t know how things with her husband were going to be when he got here. That she had to see how it was going to go. Didn’t know if she wanted me in her life anymore. Said it was unfair to hold on to me while she was so unsure. She asked for time to figure things out. I’m so scared I’ll never hear from her again. I want her to be happy, but I’m worried she won’t be. I know it’s her choice and I have to let her go, but I love her so much. I do just want her to be happy and if that would make her happy I’ll let go, but I feel like she feels stuck cause it’s the kids father. She hasn’t blocked me and answers if I reach out, but it causes her a lot of stress, so I’ve gone no contact. We talked everyday for months multiple times per day and I’m so scared she will never talk to me again. Do you think she will reach out? Will she even be happy in her marriage after not seeing him for so long and being with me during that time period? She’s also not going to tell her husband what happened so whatever was a problem that made her do what she did is going to be lingering. I asked her if she didn’t have feelings for me anymore, if she wanted to work on her marriage, or find someone new and she just said I would be lying if I told you I didn’t love you. I’m in so much pain. I think about her everyday.

Sometimes the path to freedom is to burn every single bridge. Not leaving a tiny door open. Not believing that things will be different one day. It won’t. Never think that merry Christmas email or text means a damn thing it doesn’t not to them. I have a lot of guilt about telling his wife via email. I would not have if he had ever taken accountability or responsibility for our fair. It was all on me he couldn’t resist me. My emotions? Oh that was all on me. He couldn’t deal with my emotions. It’s a long story, but it’s a sad story about two people. Don’t make your story sad please don’t make your story learning experience and a very hard one

If anybody out there is even considering an affair with someone involved in a marriage or a significant other… Don’t do it. These things never work out well. We are trying to fulfill something lacking inside ourselves. That is the true thing that needs to be examined. Sometimes affairs are a trauma bond. Sometimes your puzzle pieces matches the person you’re having an affair with. It’s only when you go through a very dark and dismal night of the soul that you understand that there is something you really need to heal inside yourself. And it might take decades, because I am 70 now, and I finally understand why I get involved with relationships that are chaotic. I told my married man when I met him that he reminded me of my father. That was so prophetic. He was emotionally unavailable. He could not supply any emotional support. I was correct all along with my intuition not just about me about him as well. His childhood traumas. So pause and look at yourself that’s all I can say why did you do this? Why did you attract this? it’s been a long row to hoe for me. And I did tell my MM in the end that is painful as it was it taught me what I needed to examine within me. I also said to him, you might need to do the same.

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My girlfriend won't really take pictures with me anymore nor will she send me pictures of herself. She's sometimes anxious and camera shy but she has no problem taking selfies when she's bored. I'm sure she doesn't send pictures to anybody else but then again, she doesn't really want me going through her phone. Meanwhile, I have nothing to hide and let her go through my phone anytime she wants. She says she is ready to move in with me but she keeps changing her plan to do so. Her reasoning is that she wants to wait until she finds a job in NY before she leaves Jersey to move in with me. Noble; I have no problem with that. She hasn't had much luck finding a job yet though; so changes her mind and wanted to wait until Christmas to get her Christmas bonus. Then changed to wanting to put her 2 weeks notice in January so she gets paid for her days off for the holiday. Now, she doesn't want to even leave at all until she finds a job ahead of time. We've been together almost 2 years at this point. For Christmas, she woke up, wanted breakfast, wanted her gifts, wanted to look up things that she wants to do for our upcoming trip in the summer, and then she left. No gifts for me. She said she ordered them late and they're in the mail. Which is fine, I could care less about gifts. All I wanted for Christmas was her and this time, I couldn't even have that. On top of that, she joked and said I can unwrap her for Christmas and when I went to do so, she said no thank you. Felt like a major tease. Which also reminded me of my birthday. She had work until 6 pm. I killed time in Jersey for several hours while waiting for her to get off work. There wound up being massive traffic and she was stuck in a traffic jam. By 8 pm, she said she was tired and didn't want to meet up and said I should just go home. I understood she was frustrated and said I had no problem waiting and I was fine just ordering a pizza and relaxing at her place for a bit but I wanted to see her for my birthday. She still wasn't having it and insisted that I go home. I think she's just not big on holiday celebrations. It's just another day to her. Which is fine; I'm fairly similar in that way. But her birthday and the holiday for her is definitely more important to her. She does like receiving gifts. So then shouldn't it be reciprocated? Is it me? Am I overthinking things too much? I feel like this relationship has gotten pretty one sided; I put in so much effort to make her happy. I know she loves me and she appreciates me but lately, I feel like it's not enough. I admit, I'm the more emotional one in the relationship and she's never going to reciprocate the feelings like I do. My bed feels empty when she's not here. She doesn't seem to feel that way and I've grown to accept it even though I don't want to. She has said she misses me too and feels the same way but she doesn't seem to have a hard time skipping weekends together so I'm not sure how much I believe it. A few weeks ago, I wanted to meet with a few friends for a card game (which we do maybe once a year) on a Friday night so instead of her coming Saturday morning, she decided to skip seeing me the whole weekend. I try to be as understanding and supportive as I can because I am not the type of man to be controlling or forceful ... But I don't think I should be feeling empty either. We've been together almost 2 years. Am I rushing things or am I taking too long to do something about it?

Both my adult daughters don't want kids or marriage, it has nothing to do with meeting me or not. l want to know the men in my daughters lives and l want my daughters with their partners in my life. For a lot of people family matters. My daughters boyfriend are family to me, l matter to them, they matter to me. I know if l'm in trouble they are 1 phone call away. Maybe OP is a bit like me and family matters.

I feel there needs to be more honest discussions with him to share your feelings. Maybe force the hand a little bit and get him to go out more with you where there will be people, light crowds, fun activities. Nice time to go ice skating, see the festive lights, Christmas market etc. The less he does the more this will get worse for him. He needs to get off his butt and do stuff...even if it's just a walk through the mall or a park.

You really don't understand women. Inventing statistics doesn't help your case. The fact that you admit you have a problem doesn't make you a more desirable dating candidate. It's the addicton in and of itself, which I am surprised you don't already understand. Finding a woman who loves to cook is the least of the challenges ahead for you.

Sorry this has happened, OP. Your thread tittle is a bit misleading, though. This man wasn't only cheating with software (which is lame enough as an adult) He was on real dating apps with real women, too. I have a feeling you haven't yet accepted what he's done and are somewhat misleading yourself about the the gravity of this. But you weren't. It was an illusion. He was disespecting you throughout the relationship by going behind your back, and it wasn't just with AI. And it isn't an "incident" - it was a pattern of bad behaviour. An incident suggests it was isolated, but it wasn't. This man has been lying to you for a long time. Don't be fooled. He's lacked respect for you all along or he wouldn't have been doing this in the first place. One day when you're past the sting, you will wonder why you wanted this man to fight for you. He is sub-standard. You can do a lot better than this but you currently lack the life experience to believe that. This isn't and never was the one for you. You are going to better off without this headache in your life. Find a man who values you and isn't shopping for other women outside the relationship.

When you have to work this hard to get your boyfriend of 3 years to even consider meeting your parents, I think there is a much bigger and pinker elephanti n the room that is not being addressed.

You did the right thing in ending it for good and going no contact. There is no coming back from this. You can't be in a relationship with a person who is such a liar. Do not give in to the urge to contact him again. Of course it's really hard for you now.... that's perfectly normal after going through a big breakup. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship, to feel your feelings. It will get easier with time.

Give yourself the gift of getting out in the world to meet new friends. See how you feel when you encounter healthy couples who socialize together. Learn whether that taps something in you that desires the same kind of partnership. Either it will or it won't. If so, you'll figure out what you need to do, and if not, then living as a recluse with your guy's issues may not be as depressing for you as I found it to be.

You don't tell us anything about what either of you wants from this. I can only speak of my own views at your age. I might have found a man in his 30's or 40's attractive, but the wiser part of me knew that if a man that age would want to involve himself with me, I'd get the ick and want nothing to do with him.

Foremost, I'd leave the dude without a word. You don't owe him any explanations. You can discuss this 'in general' with the police and ask them whether they're interested in the details or not. Let them decide if warning the woman is warranted. This takes the issue off your plate and allows professionals to handle it.

Whether you want to get technical or just call necking with someone else disloyal, I think disloyalty is as bad as it gets.

Yes, you can. I know it feels very bad now, but, as time passes, you’ll be able to realize how lucky you are that you got out of a relationship with a compulsive cheater and a shameless liar. You weren’t good together, it was an illusion that he created by lying to you. This wasn’t an incident, it was a revelation of what he truly is. He cheated and he lied in a cowardly fashion. You were just starting your relationship and already he had sexual problems with you, even though he is very young. Please don’t go on thinking this was the love of your life. It wasn’t. This was a short relationship (not even two years) that you had at a very young age with an incompatible person. Don’t resume contact with him, understand that you’ve dodged a bullet, and be thankful that you’re now free to search for a good future partner.

You might have some luck by presenting yourself as seeking someone who can teach you to cook. This sounds more like teamwork in the kitchen to enjoy a mutual interest rather than expecting someone to cater to you.

Hello everyone. First of all Merry Christmas! I've been struggling with the breakup with my ex and could really do with some advice, support, anything really. So quick backstory. Me (23F) and my ex boyfriend (22M) met at work. We started of as best friends, coincidentally living on the same road and spending all our time together. He liked me the whole time but I convinced myself I didn't feel the same. After a year, I finally allowed myself to fall in love and accepted to be with him romantically. I had previously been through some of the worse abuse in my life by an ex partner so I really struggled to take the leap of a relationship and trust again. We lived together for over a year, went on holiday multiple times, spent every second together. Of course, we had our issues but he was the love of my life and before what happened between us happened,I chose my dream engagement ring and we had discussed the next steps for us. Again, to get into the mindset of marrying someone was a huge deal for me, and took years. We was 'officially' together for about 21 months before he ruined everything. Yes, I know it isn't a long time in the scheme of things, however I was so sure on marrying that man. So one day, he gave me his Apple TV login to watch a show, and little did I know it logged me into his icloud. As I went to download a new game, I noticed it was his App store account and me being me which is super nosey, I decided to have a look at his apps. I was never looking to find something,catch him out or anything, I am just a nosey person. As I'm looking, I see 3 AI girlfriend apps, all titled something along the lines of 'hot realistic gf, sexy chat, create your own etc'. It was basically a dating app but instead of real women, it was AI women. I confronted him about this and he completely denied it, claiming his account was hacked. He swore on our whole relationship, on his grandparents grave who recently passed, on God that he wasn't lying. He was a very religious man so part of me believed him. The lying went on for about an hour. After more digging, I found another app of the same nature, which then he confessed. He said he lied due to being scared, and he downloaded them to 'help his sex drive' as he had struggled to even get hard with me for months before nevermind be in the mood. Anyway, after a week of him sleeping on the sofa, I had finally decided to forgive. We also had a holiday booked in the next few weeks and honestly I mostly forgave him for that. Whilst on holiday, he had a phone call. Basically, he rang his bank because he had been charged £50 for a weeks subscription for one of the apps he had even though he cancelled it. Long story short, I found out it was a real dating app, not AI like he claimed. I saw one text he sent to a girl who asked for fun and he replied yes. He still claimed he thought it was an AI app. Eventually, again after lying, he admitted he had also used other dating apps, mostly AI but some not. We broke up, I moved out, which meant I had to leave my job, live back with my parents, start a new job etc. After a few weeks, I kept on texting him as friends. I would go on a night out, stop at his and chill on multiple occasions. He was always super respectful and we just spent time together. At that point he had started therapy for his actions and i watched him show real remorse. However, I realised there's absolutely no point anymore. I can't get back with him after what he's done so I ended things for good. Since then, it's been no contact. He's not fought for me, messaged me, nothing. It's absolutely destroyed me. I can't physically do it without him, I don't want to. I can't cope. It's the worst torture I have been through in my life. We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever? I don't exactly know what I'm hoping for from this post. But mostly it needed to be shared.

Hello everyone. First of all Merry Christmas! I've been struggling with the breakup with my ex and could really do with some advice, support, anything really. So quick backstory. Me (23F) and my ex boyfriend (22M) met at work. We started of as best friends, coincidentally living on the same road and spending all our time together. He liked me the whole time but I convinced myself I didn't feel the same. After a year, I finally allowed myself to fall in love and accepted to be with him romantically. I had previously been through some of the worse abuse in my life by an ex partner so I really struggled to take the leap of a relationship and trust again. We lived together for over a year, went on holiday multiple times, spent every second together. Of course, we had our issues but he was the love of my life and before what happened between us happened,I chose my dream engagement ring and we had discussed the next steps for us. Again, to get into the mindset of marrying someone was a huge deal for me, and took years. We was 'officially' together for about 21 months before he ruined everything. Yes, I know it isn't a long time in the scheme of things, however I was so sure on marrying that man. So one day, he gave me his Apple TV login to watch a show, and little did I know it logged me into his icloud. As I went to download a new game, I noticed it was his App store account and me being me which is super nosey, I decided to have a look at his apps. I was never looking to find something,catch him out or anything, I am just a nosey person. As I'm looking, I see 3 AI girlfriend apps, all titled something along the lines of 'hot realistic gf, sexy chat, create your own etc'. It was basically a dating app but instead of real women, it was AI women. I confronted him about this and he completely denied it, claiming his account was hacked. He swore on our whole relationship, on his grandparents grave who recently passed, on God that he wasn't lying. He was a very religious man so part of me believed him. The lying went on for about an hour. After more digging, I found another app of the same nature, which then he confessed. He said he lied due to being scared, and he downloaded them to 'help his sex drive' as he had struggled to even get hard with me for months before nevermind be in the mood. Anyway, after a week of him sleeping on the sofa, I had finally decided to forgive. We also had a holiday booked in the next few weeks and honestly I mostly forgave him for that. Whilst on holiday, he had a phone call. Basically, he rang his bank because he had been charged £50 for a weeks subscription for one of the apps he had even though he cancelled it. Long story short, I found out it was a real dating app, not AI like he claimed. I saw one text he sent to a girl who asked for fun and he replied yes. He still claimed he thought it was an AI app. Eventually, again after lying, he admitted he had also used other dating apps, mostly AI but some not. We broke up, I moved out, which meant I had to leave my job, live back with my parents, start a new job etc. After a few weeks, I kept on texting him as friends. I would go on a night out, stop at his and chill on multiple occasions. He was always super respectful and we just spent time together. At that point he had started therapy for his actions and i watched him show real remorse. However, I realised there's absolutely no point anymore. I can't get back with him after what he's done so I ended things for good. Since then, it's been no contact. He's not fought for me, messaged me, nothing. It's absolutely destroyed me. I can't physically do it without him, I don't want to. I can't cope. It's the worst torture I have been through in my life. We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever? I don't exactly know what I'm hoping for from this post. But mostly it needed to be shared.

well I guess most people view the ultimate commitment as having kids and getting married. Since i'm not doing either of those things i feel like the biggest thing is being able to interact with and be around my family. I totally get it if one or both partners have family members that are cut off, hard to be around or just bad/judgemental people that it would be something to consider never meeting them. But considering I visit my parents and spend holidays and vacations with them it of course would be ideal to have my partner be able to join. They arent toxic or bad people to be around... then theres also the element of my parents starting to age and maybe sometime within the next 10 years or so i may have to move closer and want to spend more quality time with them or even help out. And at that point if we are still together in my opinion it would just be weird for him to never see them. Im definitely not.saying he should be with me every time or be super involved, just seeing them once in awhile would suffice.

You've entered a pre-existing relationship between these two people. You've encouraged the guy to send you such pics, which tells him that you endorse sending such pics. So it's up to you to let your friend know that you'd prefer he doesn't send body pics to your GF, but you'll need to make room for the fact that if this was a pre-existing practice between them, he'll view that as an assertion of control over his relationship with her that he doesn't welcome. Either you trust your GF, or you don't. If not, you get to decide whether that's an insecurity on your part, or whether she's demonstrated untrustworthy behavior. But trying to manage her pre-existing relationship with this friend isn't likely to go well for you. Decide whether the stress is worth such an effort.

Sure, it’s not unreasonable. But I still don’t see why the refusal to meet the parents is interpreted as a sure symptom of commitment issues. And why it is such a dealbreaker, especially, as the OP states above, they don’t want kids. What positive changes exactly, will occur in their lives if her boyfriend does agree to meet her parents? I met the parents of all my LTR exes but one, and was involved in their extended family life. And they all met my mother. At best, it was just something to endure. At worst, it affected the relationship negatively.

This is him telling you that he thinks you're fabulous, but he wants to remain platonic because he's invested elsewhere. So there's no barrier to a platonic friendship unless you hold one.

I'm definitely not going to experience the child issue at least, we both dont want kids and i have my tubes removed. neither of us in general would be good parents, but of course even without that factor his issues still affect me so I get what youre saying. Even without the fertility lens theres still the thought that im dedicating that many years to someone who isnt "the one". But hindsight is 2020 and i dont know what the future holds, naturally i feel conflicted.

I hear, and I feel for him, but I especially feel for you. You've taken on a 'project,' and that's not a promising foundation for a lifetime partner. Think about the kind of father you'll want for your children. Is it an anti-social guy with issues that prevent him from forming social bonds in your community and teaching your children how to do this? The guy is isolating, and that doesn't get better, especially without professional help. As you've noticed, it gets worse. It also hasn't helped you in terms of expanding your own social reach, and you are likely to become just as isolated as your partner unless you push yourself. But even then, you'll meet healthy couples whom you'll aspire to emulate in your own social life, and this guy makes that impossible. I lived with someone like this when I was a bit younger than you, but even with his issues he was willing to meet my family, and he bonded well with them. Despite the fact that he encouraged me to socialize as I wished, his reclusive nature had me feeling lonely in contrast to all the healthy couples I'd enjoy meeting while pursuing my solo social life. It made me feel an emptiness that I couldn't resolve as long as I stayed tied to this otherwise wonderful man. Some people are best loved from far away. He will never give you the security and comfort of equal teamwork in terms of social health and uniting your families. And these are your best fertility years that you will never get back to re-live over again. Focus on you vision for a healthy partnership that includes family and community bonds for raising a family and supporting the self-development of one another. You can't have this with this guy, no matter how lovely he may be. I would gently end this by telling him that you respect his position and where he stands, and if he ever finds himself willing and able to form the kind of commitment that can bond with family and society, he's welcome to let you know. If you're still available then, maybe you'll meet to catch up. Otherwise, you wish him the best.