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Do you speak to her the way you wrote your post? Meaning, do you lace your words with a lot of psychobabble and philosophy? Or are you clear and direct?

My advice is to stop blaming her for what happened and stop minimizing stuff like this: You keep glossing over such stuff and constantly seek excuses and justifications for your behavior. Instead, try to recognize what you did wrong. When a person is grieving, you do what that person wants, not what you think would be best for that person. My impression is that you made things worse by trying to rationalize with her. I’m someone who actually finds comfort in that, but even I can imagine that your approach seemed insufferable to her. She didn’t need you to suggest stuff to her or quote Seneca. She probably just needed you to quietly be there. Yes, it’s hard, but I feel that you make it sound like it was harder for you than for her. Which is impossible.

I think you're really overthinking this. If you want to try to form a closer friendship with her then go ahead and reach out. There's nothing in your post that gives a reason not to. And if she doesn't reciprocate or doesn't seem interested, then oh well. Let it go but at least you tried.

I honestly don't understand why both you and Kelly are making such a big deal about reaching out to each other. What's the worst that could happen? You reach out and she's unable to meet? Isn't that something you can live with?

I have this friend “Kelly” (name changed). We get along pretty well but I wouldn’t say she’s a super close friend. We used to work together several years ago, but then she moved to another school. About a year later, I coincidentally saw her on Bumble BFF and decided to meet for coffee. About once every few months we would do something like see a movie or get lunch. I started texted her again in October and she suggested that maybe I should come to her place and do a craft day. I said I thought that would be fun and we should plan for that. A few days after we were texting I became sick and was coughing for nearly a month. Because of this, I didn’t reach out to her (but I totally would have responded if she were to message me). In the meantime I was thinking that maybe I should try to make a stronger friendship with her. Like I said we get along great but it’s not like we hang out a ton. I figured she she was a single woman without kids, just like me, I was hoping I could get a friendship that feels like a life companion (I’m not saying that we will be dating). Before Thanksgiving, I ended up working as a sub teacher at Kelly’s school. I ran into her and she announced that she learned that she is pregnant and that’s why there was no fallow up after proposing a craft day. I congratulated her and said I had been sick so that’s why Anyways, I don’t know if I should reach out to Kelly asking her if she wants to do a craft day (or see a movie, etc). Im still going to see Kelly as a friend but it’s obviously not going to be the kind of friendship I was hoping for. I told the story to another friend of mine (who doesn’t know Kelly) and she said I should just wait for Kelly to reach out to me because Kelly has different priorities now.

You guys were right as usual. He did come around, but then yesterday asked what I was doing that night & I said dinner plans with a friend (or another date haha didn’t add that)… I didn’t like that he asked if I was free after dinner, because that was same-day and didn’t show planning and maybe sort of reads as looking to hook up. But I also assume the worst about men generally

He has a boundary that you can't follow someone on Instagram but no personal boundary about lying and cheating. And you think this "passion" means he really loves you and not Louise. Control isn't passion. Cheating isn't love. Lying isn't respect.

To swallow or not to swallow, that is the question.

you might need someone with a big hat and a feather to handle your appointments if you start that.

there's a lot of mental gymnastics needed to call this "not porn" and "acting". no offense to porn stars, i understand yes you're acting, but i'm sure they'd admit they are doing porn and not pretending it's Hamlet.

I know I will never be talkative and usually the quiet one that observes. But even at social events other than the gym I still keep to myself and try to enjoy being alone, but that only feels like masking emotions. its easier to say "just relax and be yourself" but to me that sounds like you might as well just exist and stare at a wall. The only plan I can think of is to accept that im Luna Lovegood and wait for serendipity to intervene somehow.

Social anxiety has nothing to do with introversion and vice versa. As for the girl at the gym, I would say that many women prefer not to be approached at the gym. And I think that gym culture/etiquette has evolved to the point where most men know not to approach. The fact that you and this woman made eye contact ~2 weeks ago is not an indicator of anything much, imo. Have you thought about joining interest-based groups where you might organically come into contact with other people? The first step is to get comfortable interacting with other people. If your social anxiety is strong, you might benefit from therapy to help you address it.

Have any tips on when Im out at events alone and self-concious about people watching me?

Introversion is very common; we all know what it is. All I can suggest is what I already noted above. Best of luck.

Ive been on some dates in the past. Some on Hinge, but overall I just dont want to let social anxiety get the best of me. I hope you know what introversion is

I would avoid commenting on her appearance as an opener. Have you dated much before? How did those interactions start?

She reminds me of Aubrey Plaza a little bit too. And by curls I meant her hair lol

August 2024 to November 2025 ‘We suffer more in our imagination than in reality’ Seneca Stability was my core priority, a principle deeply rooted in my childhood experience. At 22, focused on my career and my physical health, I entered the relationship seeking genuine longevity. We both had recently ended a relationship. The irony is that her previous relationship was with the same man with whom the pattern would later close. We had established over a year (fourteen months) of history when her father passed away in October 2025. He was a great man and he once told me that he loved me and that I was a good guy. The period surrounding his death was factually heavy. I took on the role of unwavering presence, offering patience and support. I witnessed his final moments. While that kind of shared experience can forge intense bonds, I observed that the sheer magnitude of the loss exposed her emotional weakness. She did not possess the inner strength to process such grief within the confines of our partnership. From that point, her coping mechanism became clear: emotional withdrawal, the creation of distance and an emphasis on cold rationality whenever vulnerability was required. Intimacy ceased. A true connection became impossible. Meanwhile, I maintained my commitment to stability, communicating openly and engaging in self-improvement. But when I voiced concerns, she consistently redirected them. She utilized my shared vulnerability, my history, my youth, and my decision to seek psychological help as "proof" that I held fundamental issues. I only seek advice from a professional to better support her. She also criticized my communication, stating I "talked too much from my own perspective." I focused on understanding her viewpoint, but the constant, shifting criticism made it impossible to determine the correct behavior or meet her needs. I realized I was being asked to fill a role I was fundamentally unqualified for. The continuous critique led to my own emotional blockage and inability to act. Post-breakup, she stated I had made the grieving period harder and magnified many situations, discussions and views. This clarified her core limitation: she was fundamentally incapable of truly listening or processing external perspectives. The relational dynamic had become unsustainable. "The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts." Marcus Aurelius The sequence of the end confirmed her choice long before the breakup. The facts began aligning immediately. Despite the vastness of the crowd, an overwhelming funeral attended by hundreds, I saw her ex present. His presence was a clear sign of something already happening beneath the surface. Exactly one week before she ended it, she requested space to "see if she still felt something for me." I recognize now that this was a calculated game. I was kept on standby while she finalized her decision. During that final week, her ex unfollowed me. The swift, final action followed: she ended the relationship. Her demeanor: cold, angry and marked by clear relief, signaled a mental conclusion reached long before. The emotional distance was not closure. It was the preparation for her chosen path. The ultimate confirmation arrived two weeks later: she had sex with her ex. The data points were complete: the projection, the coldness, the ex's presence at the funeral, the calculated 'space' week, the unfollowing, the swift exit, all components of one consistent pattern. She had already executed her departure while I was still committed to the salvage. My response was centered on clear therapy, reflection, and self-care. She chose escape: distraction, posting on social media and numbing her feelings. My psychologist confirmed that this was not strength, it was avoidance. My psychologist also provided the clear prognosis: partners who react this way, avoiding responsibility and rationalizing their pain, will inevitably repeat the cycle, often regressing to old habits when faced with difficulty. "He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe." Marcus Aurelius I accept my contribution to the dynamic. I sometimes reacted out of fear of losing her, triggered by her instability. I also acknowledge a deeply regrettable mistake. Driven by frustration over her choice to return to old, unhealthy friendships, I reacted poorly, saying ugly words that wounded her deeply. That was a mistake I owned immediately. However, my reactions were largely a normal response to an unstable and dishonest relational environment. I see that now. I was not the cause. I was the one attempting to provide stability. My only miscalculation was that, partly blinded by love and thus unable to see the truth, I underestimated the depth of her unresolved pain and her refusal to face it honestly. My perspective is now objective and clear. I was not the one who fell short. I was the one who invested too much into someone who was emotionally unavailable to receive it. The responsibility for the path she chose lies solely with her actions. I showed up with maturity, honesty, and my own human flaws. She chose flight, rationalization, and regression. I am moving forward with finality and clear resolution. Her journey began and closed with the same unresolved pattern. She will remain trapped in the orbit of this repetitive story until she confronts herself. Any advice for growth, cooping? Just a guy sharing his story.

I'm guessing she sees him as a financial donor, too. If she has his baby, he'll be on the hook for at least 18 years child support. And she's then free to move on to a new man, move in with him, and have that baby calling the new man "daddy."

I joke that if I am going to start making 10 o'clock at night house calls to women who I have yet to meet I need to charge for my time. Because that's essentially what a situation like that is.

If she is blowing guys in an audition she is making a full on porn video.

Before you get ahread of yourself, it's important to keep some things in mind here. 1) She might not even be single. 2) Women often don't like being approached at the gym (woman here myself) That's not to say you shouldn't try to strike up some small talk, but just keep in mind there may be other mitigating factors that stand in the way of connecting with her. If you see her again, simply say hello and keep comversation neutral.See if she is receptive to chatting further. Are we talking curls in her hair or bicep curls? Either way, I would avoid making jokes with someone you don't know. While it's a pretty benign joke and plenty would enjoy the banter, we never know how a stranger is going to received a little humour. It's best to see first if she seems open to some neutral small talk. That will help you gague if she's the type who would appreciate a little light humour.

I seriously doubt she is going to spill her guts, and you will have no way of knowing if she's told you everything there is to know. What the in hell? There is something seriously wrong with yoru wife. This isn't about "acting" at all. It's not even about porn. It's about your wife being an enormous cheater and sexually reckless. It sounds to me like she's just been cheating with all kinds of men and calling it acting to make it sound more palatable for herself and you. She is....not right in the head. Get rid of her and don't bother with some useless come-to-Jebus talk. You need to get yourself tested for STIs and consult a good lawyer.

Yes, that's what I thought. You didn't actually turn her down. Sure, she probably picked up on the fact that you weren't too excited but I doubt she's so fragile that it made her wilt. Unless she is totally clueless, which is unlikely at her age, she probably realized a last-minute and late-night visiti might not have been accepted. Anyway, you both discovered quickly that you are not suited to each other. That's a win, as neither of you has wasted your time.

I think she's going to make the decision for you. You are sensibly unwilling to have a baby this quickly, but she wants one now. If you don't deliver, she's going to leave and find some desperado who will father her child. To be very clear, she sees you as a sperm donor, not a husband