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I'm just ranting. I know I have to suck it up and support my son and then be there to pick up the pieces when it blows itself up. But gee it's hard. I feels like I just have no support and everyone else is just turning a blind eye. She has everyone conned I'm telling you, I'm not wrong. She is stunning, she an actress, she's been on TV, she does charity work, so she's on this pedestal. Then she does what she did and just says "oops, sorry" and everyone goes all ga ga for her and acts like nothing happened. If I wasn't living it I wouldn't believe it. As for my wife, she just wants to make sure she doesn't lose our son and what she considers her grandchild. I'll do the right thing but I'm dying inside, the thought of how she got pregnant makes me physically ill.

How do you think you would even do so? It's not like you can have your son carted off by the police to protect him. You can't put her in jail and throw away the key. So what would be your plan to blow it up, anyway? Their marriage likely will not last. It's already a disaster in the making so I wouldn't stress this much. The chances it will survive and thrive long-term are very low even if your son lacks the self-worth to get out. She isn't likely to stick around for a lifetime.

Yes, I wondered if you didn't have much to compare her to. Most men would have run for the hills already so I figured there was a reason you hadn't. She is a trainwreck and it is not going to become a healthy relationship. My guess is that she senses your inexperience and will try to exploit that to her full advantage. There is nothing but headaches ahead if you choose to see this invididual again.

Not much dating experience here. Although in my 30s I dated on and off. Mostly one night stands. I guess because she was the only one I could meet up with in person. I probably won't see her again.

It did seem like a high school type scenario. Yeah she's almost 50 and I'm under 50.

With all due respect, have you dated much before? I am wondering why this hot mess of a woman is appealing to you in any way. She is showing you nothing but serious red flags.

5) Love bombing 6) Immature, emotionally unstable behavior How many more red flags are you planning to collect here? I hope you aren’t serious. This sounds like something a 14 year old boy would say. I thought you said you both were almost 50? The whole thing feels like a high school romance.

I did end up meeting her. We went back to her place. Only kissing. Maybe I went too far this time. I thought she was being real. Yet she did say some weird stuff like she has a trucker buddy that visits her. And that she doesn't always look at me when she talked to me. She got really emotional during my visit and said she loved me and wants to be with me. I thought it was love. It definitely seems like she didn't care if I paid for half donuts and a warm latte for $20. It's weird, I thought she said her room mate was on disability. Today she told me he's getting Native American benefits lol. He looks white like me. He another guy and a young lady were at the attached house. She said her uncle doesn't know the other people and roommate ate there. They were smoking stinky cigarettes while I was there. I think she did catch herself saying she is meeting her friend this weekend. But instead called her a " he" and said I mean "her". She got all emotional and told me she had something to tell me. And she was afraid. She told me she had anxiety issues. And I told her lots of people have that. When she acted like she was crying and wanted me to stay the night with her. I went to wipe her tears but there was no tears. She seems to act like a 20 year old. We did kiss a lot. What's weird is her roommate has the same first name of her ex. Weird.

Let’s make a list of classic, textbook dating red flags. 1) Wanting to move in as soon as possible or otherwise greatly rushing the dating process. 2) Badmouthing exes. 3) Displaying disproportionate amounts interest in materialistic aspects. 4) Volunteering sexual information during an early date. The woman you’ve described checks all these alarming boxes. Why are you worried about her ghosting you? Delete her and move on.

Obviously, blowing the thing sky high is not the right solution. With your son being so infatuated with that woman right now, any attempt to forcefully extricate him from his predicament will only alienate him further or worse, compel him to do something even more drastic (for example, running away with her and cutting off all contact with you). You also can’t possibly “save” your son from this. He is a grown man who has made his own decision. Personally, I agree with you and I understand your outrage. But this is his life, and these are his choices. It’s unfortunate that your wife isn’t on the same page with you. I’d be quite concerned if my partner weren’t agreeing with me on something as big as that. Perhaps you could talk to her again. Her support will surely mean a lot. Ultimately, as frustrating as it might be, there is probably not much you could do here.

The common denominator in all this lengthy mistreatment is you. When healthy people encounter such bizarre and abusive behavior, they exit. The first time. You keep sticking around, allowing it to escalate to the point where you're traumatized, and now you want to believe that this is a characteristic common to the general public. It's not. Odds are that each of us will encounter some bad matches. But instead of overlooking the dealbreakers these present, most people recognize them as clearly unacceptable and move forward. You've refused to do that, and so you've suffered the fallout each time to the degree that you have. That's the difference.This isn't about blame, it's about taking the pearls from the learning experience so you can move forward with confidence that you will not repeat the useless rigors of wishing for another person to change. When someone toxic shows you who they are, believe them and leave them.

I need to vent because no-one seems to see things as I do, and then some advice where I’m hoping people will understand where I’m coming from. Our son is getting married in a couple of months, his fiancee will be 8 months pregnant at the time, and here’s kicker one, with another man’s baby… and if that’s not bad enough, kicker two, it’s one of THREE men and she only knows the name of one. My son has already been ruled out. She didn’t just cheat, she cheated with 3 men, at once, the same time. It’s disgusting. I cannot even grasp how my son got through this and has forgiven her. He’s definitely not into that, he was devastated at the time. They did counseling and all that and somehow that’s all in the past now and let’s all forget about it and move on. I can’t do that. I’m going to have a grandchild that’s not even really mine and who doesn’t even know who it’s father is. My wife, as much as I love her, I think has blocked this out of her memory. She refuses to talk about what happened and her and that woman are all lovey dovey and she’s going to dress fittings and all this other wedding stuff. I know she doesn’t agree with what happened but sweeping it under the carpet is just wrong. Her parents are clearly just apologists for her and I’d suspect she’s got away with anything she’s wanted all her life. They say it was just a small one off mistake and everyone makes mistakes. Small mistake!!! I’d hate to see a big one. Seriously, it’s like this woman is a good looking blonde so she’s little miss innocent who just made a mistake. She has everyone conned. I think she’s a deeply flawed narcissist who betrayed my son in the worst possible way. He’s now going to have to raise someone else’s baby and she just flips her hair to the side and giggles and says it’s our baby now, and everyone just goes awwww like she has them under some spell. It’s like she’s come off scott free, she’s the happy loving bride to be and let’s all celebrate that. She’s done the worst possible cheating anyone could imagine and everyone else just seems to want to put it in the past. Besides whatever she faced in counseling with my son she’s faced no accountability. I suspect this might not even be the only time, just the only time she got caught. No-one cheats for the first and only time in a four way gangbang, you don’t go from zero to that and say “oops, sorry babe, I made a mistake”. I’d love to talk my son out of marrying her or at the very least postpone the wedding so he has much longer to process this but I realize that wouldn’t end well so I guess I just have to be here to pick up the pieces when it happens again. That’s something I’ll just have to deal with. It seems I’m being a pariah here when all I want to do is hold her accountable for her lack of morals. I have no idea how I’m going to get through the wedding. Speeches and everything, welcoming her to the family when I really don’t mean it. I guess I already know the answer but what do I do here? Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son? I'll happily wear the consequences to save him from this.

Even if she wasn't a scammer she's out of work, around people who do drugs, and doesn't have a place of her own. And if she wants you to pick her up she likely doesn't even have a vehicle. The only appealing thing about this is your fantasy. And I guarantee you your fantasy isn't very accurate to who this person actually is.

I'm slow in the dating field. I've been a loner most of my life.

She never asked for pet names, etc. As I don't have any pets. She did call me this afternoon. And wants me to come pick her up. I thought she would be good. Since it's hard meeting ladies. In person I get smiles and hellos at the store by females. But it's hard for me to approach them.

She sounds like a trainwreck. You should have recognized the many red flags with this woman. It would not be a good idea at all to meet her. Run in the other direction when someone is saying so many chaotic, crazy things.

Did they also ask for your dog's name and your birth date? When strangers online ask this sort of question they're fishing for passwords. Absolutely, being as she sounds completely unhinged and, if her profile is real, she's a leech looking for a host. Just a heads up in case you don't know, Tinder is full of creepy people and scammers, as are sites like Plenty Of Fish, Oasis, Bumble, Match, etc, etc.

What's weird is when we first were talking about meeting. They asked for my make and model of my car.

you have been speaking for two days. and everything she's said is all red flags. she doesn't need to move in with you after two days. you don't even know this person.

I met her on Tinder. We been calling and texting the past two days since we met on there. She is 49. I am under 50. right away went into her being abused by her ex husband. The husband has the same first name as me she said. She thinks I'm a "stud". And she went into talking about her skills with her tongue to please a guy. I didn't talk sexual with her. I was being a real gentlemen. She talked about her chest size. Of which I never asked. She did have me turned on though. She says she lived in her uncle's house with an older roommate. Another roommate she recently kicked out that was doing drugs and brining people over. She said she and her roommate are not dating or anything. She said her uncle's and Mom's house is going through the banks. As she can't afford to stay there. She is also out of work she said. She was up for meeting me this Thursday. It seems that she has ghosted me this morning. And it's now the afternoon. She said she was going to bed early. And we last talked at 10pm yesterday. She also mentioned she may stay over at my place. She has a nice personality. And she seems flirty and friendly. She seemed to want to move in with me since she thinks the house will foreclose by next year. She seemed to want to meet really bad today. So far she has not responded to texts. I feel she is ghosting me. She said she isn't talking to anyone else. I did delete my profile I told her on Tinder. As I felt too many fake profiles. Am I wasting my time with her?

He may be feeling physically rough. He is in his 40s, and later on I'm going to be hitting that magical 4-0 in April. And maybe he doesn't always want to have bedroom fun. Some nights, especially after a long day, he may just want to relax. That's pretty simple. I think the other issue, though, after reading this is what are you doing to please him? Bedroom fun is one thing, but have you considered, especially after 20 years of marriage, that there may be other things he'd like to do? What are some hobbies he enjoys? Do you cook him dinner after he gets home from work? Have you considered that he would like to go somewhere he hasn't been to? Is there a possibility that he works so hard to please you that he may feel unappreciated? Yeah, I get there's things you would like to see happen, but from what I'm reading, it sounds like things in this marriage that benefit you only while he may get little to nothing. Something as simple as getting him his favorite drink after he gets home from work can go a long way. Making him his favorite meal every now and then helps, too. I think it may be time to asking him what he would like done. And if it's as simple as once a week to go hang out with his friends every now and then without any issues, he should go do it. Anyway, bottom line is that he's not falling out of love, per se, but he may feel like he's being used as an object rather than being seen as your husband. Start by having a civil discussion with him and see what's going on and go from there.

This one's tough and I don't want to mislead you, but there's not a lot to go off of. If she were getting bad grades and could be flunking out, that's one way reason. The other reason is she was getting decent grades but not good enough to get into a program she wanted to get into. It gets very tough to keep up on grades in college, let alone a masters program, and can cause great stress that may result in depression. Another reason could be someone really close in her family, or a really good friend, passed away and is having a time coming to grips with it. Drugs can create problems as well, especially if she's on any kind of strong substance. The only other reason I can think of (and I know you don't want this to be true, neither do I) is there's another guy and it's driving her crazy she can't be with him instead of you. Very long story short(er), a woman I dated back in 2020. She lost her brother that year, who took his own life. It messed her up mentally, and in addition it was discovered her brother did a terrible act to his daughter, in which triggered a memory of childhood trauma that happened to her also by her father. She also received the un-aliving note from him through text and did everything she could to try and stop him from doing it through contact with him, talking to her family, his family, but nothing worked and he still did it. She blamed herself for not trying hard enough. This all disturbed her greatly and she went through counseling. That year, I started going out with her and found out she use to be engaged at one point to a man that took advantage of her. Found out later her ex-fiance passed away the last time we went out. Weeks later, it was her deceased brother's birthday and shortly after that, she ghosted me just before I went on vacation. I was worried about her because I thought that maybe it had everything to do with the events of her brother's passing. I contacted her sister and her brother in-law to see if she was okay, and they said she was, with her even saying good things about me. I got back from vacation and about to drop off her gift that I got her while away, but she turned it down and said that we were not going to work out. I was like you, left distressed and heart broken, but because I'm friends her sister and brother in-law they told me the truth. It wasn't me nor was it really her brother's passing, although it played a role and could have served as an alibi. Rather, it was because of her EX-FIANCE passing. For some context, her ex and herself had not been together 5 years prior before I came along. What I was told about him, from her and her sister, he was not a good person at all. Lied constantly, took money from her, yelled at her often, arrogant, condescending, just rotten to the core. He even bought a fake engagement ring and tried to pass it off as real, after his friends did things to try and cover it up the best they can. Her sister found out it was a fake after getting it checked out and this woman, for the longest time, didn't believe her. This man also lied about his status as a massage therapist, as if he were nationally acclaimed. This woman bought into it, as well as finding him highly attractive, and he was very charming from what I can base what she and her sister were both telling me. Before they were engaged, she mentioned how happy he made her in the good times, and from what it sounds like they did a lot. Then when they got engaged, the switch flipped and he changed. After they called off the engagement, though, this guy got together with another woman and got married. The last date I went out with her, she received a call from this man's wife informing her that he had passed away. I remember she started acting a little differently and a few weeks after, she had gone out of town to meet a friend of hers. Not only was it where she met her friend but also her ex. I never asked, but I kind of believe she went down to attend his funeral service. Despite all the negatives she had said about him, it was always followed up by a compliment or 2, as if she never wanted to leave him. I won't go there say that's what is happening with you and this woman because there's simply not enough information for anyone to go off of. But what I do know is whenever an ex-lover passes away, this kind of distance between 2 people happens often. Something else I found out about the woman I dated from her sister was she was suppose to be on anti-depressants. She wasn't taking them. She wasn't suppose to be drinking much when on them. She drank. And she did a variety of other things that were not good. She made it difficult for others to get close to her. I can't prover it, but nearly 2 years later, it was as if she wanted to get back together with me. After everything I learned and the heartbreak I went through, I made sure that I wasn't showing anymore interest again. Since then, I haven't seen her in person again. My point is this might not be the best time to try and save the relationship. She is making irrational decisions and it could be linked to something from her past that she needs to resolve. Don't try to fix it for her. That's not your job. She's mistreating you by acting the way she is and it'll only get worse. What I'm trying to say is it might be best for you to call it off. I made a mistake by not moving on from the woman in my story sooner, but because I was in a love trance and didn't want to believe that she might not be worth it, I ended up down in the dumps. From one man to another, this doesn't seem like a healthy relationship. For all I know you could be rebound. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm being mean spirited. It's not my intent, but rather I've dealt with someone going through serious personal problems and it didn't end as well as it should have. The worst part is the silence because it drives you crazy, not sure if she's okay or not. All she's doing at this point is making you feel miserable, and misery loves company. If life on your end is going well , don't let this take you down because of someone who's unhappy and trying to fix their situation. It's not happening. Think about it, and understand I'm simply here to offer some help, as someone who went through something similar before.

The thing is I’m not attracted to those characters, it only comes out later on and then in this case I was trying to relive the first 5/6 months of the relationship. When we first started dating she said she likes living on her own, she wouldn’t do IVF etc. I hang on because it isn’t easy to meet people nowadays, so I don’t want to feel like I’m being flippant and ending things abruptly. In this case, it would be three normal days then two bad days. I thought things were misunderstandings hence why I didn’t believe the advice in this thread. If someone gave me the explanations I gave her (even though not necessary) I would accept it. Another example is she was brought up Mormon, but then came out of the religion with her family. She was spiritual/religious but not an exact denomination . I’m evangelical. One day she would say can she come to church with me and we should pray together and bible study etc. Then few weeks later when I would tell her my family expect me to get married and want marriage for myself, she would say ‘well I’m not religious’. Which is weird, as 1) you don’t have to be religious to understand it’s not unusual to want to get married before having kids with someone you’ve known for 8 months b) she is religious when it suits her. So to answer your question it’s not like I know these things and accept these things. I choose to believe people and they say whatever they want. That’s the lesson I need to learn. I haven’t said I’m perfect but there is nothing I have done/did to gain these reactions. It’s not just simple like if she isn’t happy then walk away. She wasn’t happy for whatever her reasons are and would just start fights to cover for it. Her ideal would be if I had started paying for IVF, no intention for marriage etc, that’s what would make her happy. She has a rich lawyer friend who is 39 and was paying for IVF herself with no male partner. She met someone who was ‘divorced’ yet still lived with his wife. He got her pregnant without knowing. He then said he didn’t want to be involved with their kid. Her friend no longer needed IVF but is now going to claim child support from this guy. Since all this happened my ex would always tell me this story and its development and I felt it made her want kids even more. She has her own reasons or psychological difficulties which I will never know the full extent of, but it’s not like I purposely go into this pattern. I fended off her moving in with me as I had learned from last time. I’m not stupid, just unlucky.

If you keep repeatedly dating women who you feel manipulate, mislead, and treat you badly, then perhaps you should start pondering why you’re attracted to such women in the first place and why you can’t discern this type of character earlier on. Or, at the very least, why you stay with those women even after the red flags have begun to pop up. Either that, or perhaps there is something you keep doing that keeps making those women react in those strange ways. We can’t really tell, because we only know your side of the story.

The problem is I did that last time and now this is an even bigger setback. I don’t go around purposely dating people with issues or incompatibilities. With my previous ex I was 27 and she was 32 when we first met. It started off normal, then the same thing silly arguments and unhinged behavior (raising voice for no reason etc). Everything was in my court and pressurized ( it was move into my House, work for MY business) there was nothing in it for me. At the time, I thought I was being nice and these things were making us closer, but it was just manipulation. It wasn’t like I’m srupid, for example, a big argument was messages from her ex, she claimed she hadn’t spoken to him in 4 years and even went on to get a new number to prevent that happening again. The whole time she was texting him behind my back. She said she hated kids and also only gets naturally aroused once a year, but wouldn’t tell me what is the actual issue or cause, she would make out she didn’t want to have sex because I didn’t wash the dishes or didn’t shower or anything. The same thing with my current ex. We didn’t break up because of marriage/kids but she would never just say the truth which is she has been married once and doesn’t want to get married again. Not only did she want to have kids even by expensive IVF that id have to pay for, she was insistent on moving in with me. Why? She would always make out I’m doing something wrong, yet wanted to move in. As @FredEire said, dating shouldn’t be dreaded or stressful but that’s how I feel now. Imagine having the conversation of moving in or kids in the future with someone. Everyone is different but I’m finding it hard to connect with people and trust them on a deeper level as people as they say one thing and mean the other. For example, my dream job is to be a sports agent, I kind of know what I need to do to make it happen. In relationships I feel like there is no control as people obtain things from me via deception. Or if they’ve had an experience (kids or previous marriage) then they don’t want it anymore with me and then try and convince me I’m wrong for wanting what I want.