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This is a very real risk, yes. I have seen this happen before. In one case, the couple later broke up because the one who gave the "hall pass" could not really come to terms with it and left a permanent stain on the partnership after the fact. That person thought they would be okay with their partner having some so-called no-strings fun on the side, but it didn't pan out that way. I think you might also be over-estimating how frequen or hot these enounters are. I am speaking as someone who has been around this block a few times and had some of those same experiences. Sometimes it was great, and others it was...meh. Forgetttable. You need to be prepared for the fact that it might not be the scintillaitng experience you think it is, and ask yourself if it will have been worth it. He might not judge you for it, but that does not mean it won't harm the relationship in other ways. I just want you to consider that possibility, too. It's important to talk, yes, of course. However, I would caution you to keep in mind that even knowing you want to explore other people could shake the foundation of your relationship in any case and lead to him re-thinking some things. This tells me you are not ready for the reality of opening a relationship like this. Be careful what you wish for.

You have learned the hard way why affairs are best avoided at all costs. Your marriage is obviously no longer viable. You need to deal with that, first and foremost, so you can move forward and hopefully find a more fulfilling relationship someday. I was never going wotk being sexless long-tern. Also, you will need to find closure from your affair on your own. The young woman in question owes you nothing, and you two absolutely could not have remained friends. That was an unrealistic prospect. It is up to you to accept that and begin putting this behind you. As you know, this always had an expiration date and was never likely to end cleanly (affairs generally don't) You need to get her off your socials and cut off any avenues of communication. It's time to let go.

Your only barrier to using private visualization of this parting on good terms to heal yourself is your belief in your entitlement to her participation. She doesn't owe you anything. Your closure is an inside job, so either work it to your benefit, or keep drilling yourself into an unnecessary hole to climb out of.

It’s not hypocritical if you don’t attach value judgments to it. The problem is that, if you asked for an open relationship, there would be perhaps a 1% chance that he’d agree to it. Very low. Asking him to be a cuckold having a hotwife will probably have a 0.1% chance of success. Even lower. I know that you’re excited by the possibility, but brace yourself for negative consequences. Even if he accepts, there is no guarantee at all that he’ll really be at peace with it.

Please stop interpreting women’s smiles or other friendly gestures as flirting. I’m a man and even I feel a bit creeped out when I read this.

Probably. I experienced something similar when my partner was telling me some details about her sexual past. I went from “oh my goodness, how could you have done it, I’m going to faint!” to “holy s***, this is such a turn on!” within a relatively short time. I realize now that my 180 degree turn was simply a switch from a lie to the truth. I’ve always secretly, subconsciously liked kinky sexual stuff, but for various psychological and spiritual reasons convinced myself that I was appalled by it.

There is so much wrong with your reasoning that I don’t even know where to start. 1) Why would you disclose your virginity to casual sex partners? 2) In which world is a man who has slept with 7 women a virgin or nearly a virgin? 3) Where do you even find such mean women that angrily complain about sex? I’ve had several bad and embarrassing performances in my life. No woman has ever been angry and they were all patient and understanding. 4) Casual sex partners leaving after one time isn’t uncommon. That’s why these things are called “one night stands”. It doesn’t mean that you were bad. You’re hooking up with random women and for some reason expect them to come for more. 5) If you want more sex with the same person, start dating normally and form a relationship. 6) Sleeping with escorts won’t make you better in bed. 7) Personally, I don’t think it’s always wrong or immoral to sleep with prostitutes. If you’re just craving for sex, by all means, go for it. But you should know that this is a surrogate that will probably never fulfill your true desires and is most likely to make you feel even angrier and more desperate. 8 ) While I personally wouldn’t be together with a woman who can’t accept the fact that I’ve slept with prostitutes in the past, for some women it is a dealbreaker or at least a significant turn off. Hiring escorts will therefore lower your chances of finding a partner. 9) Most importantly, I think you should calm down. You sound very impatient and somewhat entitled. Perhaps you should try to start seeing sex as something that happens organically between two people who feel attracted to each other rather than something you must “get” at all costs.

The first thing you should do is divorce your wife. You’ll be happier with someone who actually has sex with you, and she’ll be happier with someone who doesn’t cheat on her. Once this is done, you’ll hopefully get a clear perception of what’s happened and understand that there was no friendship with your affair partner, but rather a series of lies and deceptions, on both ends, which is really not something to miss. An affair is bad enough when only one of the affair partners is in a relationship and when there is at least a plan to leave the relationship partners and get together. When both affair partners are cheating on their respective relationship partners and aren’t even planning to be together, it’s even much worse.

Hi all, I'm new to this sort of thing, i.e. posting on a forum but have no-one else to talk to about it so looking for some guidance/advice. I'm 48, married, and with a teenage Son. We've been married for 18 years but the last 10 years or so have basically been sex-less. Everything else in the marriage is good, but I crave intimacy and am very highly driven in that department. I've always been faithful, however, 2 years ago I met a much younger woman, age 23 at the time, who showed interest when our social circles crossed. We became good friends in a short space of time - she has a partner who she lives with, no children. We hung out a few times, got to the point whereby we were constantly texting all day for a bout six months, a lot of it being risque and flirty stuff. After a couple of nights out for drinks, we kissed, but I was reluctant to take it further. This carried on for the full six months, and it was clear she wanted more. Ultimately, I think she got fed up of giving off signals but not getting anywhere and she suddenly ghosted me - literally after messaging and speaking every day, nothing. I was confused by this and hurt, but there was nothing I could do. I tried calling and reaching out, if nothing else but for an explanation. But nothing. I still saw her now and again as out paths crossed, but she was ice cold. It was only about a year later, back in May of 2025, when I was her again that she warmed up again to me. I could tell something had shifted and I asked her, in a sarcastic manner, if we were speaking again. Then, bang, it was back on. Back to full time messaging, calling, meeting up for walks, etc. All this was easy as she worked from home, not far from me, and I did too - so we could meet up and talk easily enough during the day. This time around, however, we did end up sleeping together. We would meet up during her lunchtime at my house, we'd go for coffee's, make out in the car etc. It was a full blown affair and it was electric. I was besotted, and it seemed she saw too. She apologised for 'being a b****', and said 'I didn't deserve to be treated that way'. We both knew our affair wouldn't last forever, but we agreed to enjoy it whilst it happened and it did for another few months. We had so much fun. Obvs I was looking at things through rose tinted glasses, she was younger and beautiful - way out of my league. At the same time I felt guilty for cheating, but selfishly continued as the sex and time spent with her was fantastic. When the affair ended, in September, I knew it was coming. I'd been on holiday with my family and was messaging her when I could, she was getting frustrated that we couldn't speak as much as we wanted. When I came home, we had a week before she went on holiday with her boyfriend- it would be her 25th birthday whilst she was away, so I bought her some nice , fun, and thougtful gifts - which she loved. The first few days of her holiday were as expected, messaging me and the usual stuff. Then it went quiet, really quiet. Then I got the message 'something has happened and I can't see you anymore'. At first I thought he'd proposed, so I said fine, I understand... then no posts on her socials so I got thinking - messaged her to say 'is it something else?', and she said yes, she was pregnant. I was supportive, reassured her it wasn't mine, I'd be there as a friend etc... when she got home we were in the friend zone but still spent a lot of time talking, walking, texting etc... and then, early October, she did the same thing again as the first time round. Suddenly she ghosted me. Ignored my messages. We were still friends on socials, but she wasn't viewing my stories etc... so I knew she was doing the same thing to me as she did the first time round. Being pregnant, I understand, changed everything, but I couldn't fathom why, after having such fun times and obviously caring about each other, she couldn't be open and honest and say she couldn't see me anymore, but take care, hug it out and part on good terms. Instead, I feel bereft and confused - no closure. The woman I cared for has treated me like s*** and I can't understand why. I feel I deserve an explanation, I'm pretty sure the pregnancy is the reason, but why can't she just tell me that? I wasn't pestering her after she ghosted me, but after a month I tried calling, no answer. She texted back and said she couldn't answer as no signal, which was BS. I got frustrated and said I deserve an explanation and to be treated better than this, after all we've been through and everything I've done for her. She then gaslighted me, saying 'pregnancy is tough', 'sorry I've not been on my phone' and 'you're not my no.1 priority', etc... which is BS coz she's always on her phone. I told her that she was hiding behind her pregnancy to absolve herself of any responsibility. This was true - but she didn't like thins so totally blocked me on all socials, calls etc and we haven't spoken since. Whilst this is all for the best, we were fortunate not to get caught, and it wasn't going to last forever, I can't help but feel saddened and upset that our relationship/friendship/affair ended this way, and am struggling to deal with it. I would have happily remained a friend and supported her - but instead she has cast me aside without, seemingly, a second thought and that really hurts. I feel speaking to her and telling her how I feel, giving her a hug and parting on good terms would heal me and provide closure, but I can't see how this can happen. I'm not in love with her, but I do miss our friendship - it's more the way she has discarded me in the blink of an eye after being so close that is the hardest to understand. How do I move on from this? I'm struggling to put it to bed as I want answers but appreciate I'm not going to get them.

I normally wouldn't ever pay for sex, but I am only doing this for so long (until I do not suck). I lost my virginity last year at 29, because I made decent money only then. Not one woman stayed afterwards, and the first was the worst. She sent 12 texts all angry at me for the bad sex, and she definitely now laughs with her girl friends about it. I had about 6 more encounters last year, all resulting in the women leaving me after only one time having sex. So, I now have both have a body count of 7 and a “times of having sex” count of 7, because not one woman came back for more sex. I never even got to round 2 because the women just left beforehand. I know the best bet would be to find a "patient woman" but that's hard AF to find, and many women wonder "what's wrong with this bastard for being nearly 30 as a virgin" for men at this point. Then word gets around and even more people tend to judge. So, I found it better to be silent to avoid that type of humiliation. This year, I’m just gonna hire escorts to gain skills I didn’t get before. For how long should I hire them before meeting normal women again?

Yeah, I can't explain it either, but here I am living it. I really don't know, maybe it was something I always wanted subconsciously but just needed a jolt for it to come to the fore?

If I was single and on a dating app I wouldn't look for females. But if I was at a bar and a woman came up and wanted to kiss me I would be open to that and see where it leads.

This is sounding a bit creepy, you may need to talk to friends or a counsellor about these almost continuous feelings and urges. By the sound of it you seem to attach to people that offer normal pleasantries.

So you went from "I'm so angry my husband suggested this!! I would never do this!!" to "I have a date with a woman this Saturday"... All in the space of a few days? Um... Okay...

Absolutely not. And yes I know how hypocritical that is. I'm fully aware I will be asking a lot but in with it

That's pretty much the plan. I want what he has already had because it sounds so hot.

Of course I'll continue the relationship. I love him. Despite how it may come across I am a good girlfriend, I am a faithful girlfriend, I will not cheat on him. Now that may mean things get harder in the future but I'm prepared to put in the hard work, I'll just have to deal with the emotions and feelings as they arise. I'm confused by a lot of things but there's a few things I know for sure, I do not want to break up with him and I will never go behind his back. If he says no then it's no. I've been taught that we should always be open and communicate and that you shouldn't judge someone for bringing up a fantasy or desire. It's considered good that they felt comfortable enough to talk to you about it. I just hope he sees it that way too.

This could also absolutely happen, yes. OP, would you be okay with your boyfriend having some fun with other women? (on his own, I mean, not with you there and part of it)

What culture is this trending in?

I thought the smile was more than I'm used to usually people just walk by fast and smile briefly and that's it.

How on Earth is this flirty? This is just being normal and friendly.

Not a woman here, but I’ve never met any men who’d be afraid to approach women because some of them are superficial. All the men I know, myself included, approach women in real life. From my experience, men tend to be more superficial than women and are attracted to looks much more strongly. None of the men I know that have had a lot of success with women is particularly good looking. I also haven’t met any women who’d be offended by men showing interest in them. Unless, of course, the interest is shown in a very rude, disrespectful way. I can’t imagine a woman who’d be attracted to a man who is scared to approach her. Fear is not attractive.

A lot of men are afraid to show romantic interest to women due to some women being very superficial (like when it comes to height, looks, etc.) and/or due to some women getting offended by men showing interest in them in general, and it seems there is a cultural shift in men rarely approaching women in real life and would rather stick to online. For any women reading this, how do you feel about this cultural trend and how do you think this will affect women being the ones to initiate first?

so this is a different gym girl, but yesterday, a girl customer at the gym, said hi to me super excitedly, she was on her own when normally she's with a guy who i assume is her bf but recently ive seen them come at seperate times. one time i saw him hold her waist. when she came in she asked how i am, i asked how her new years was, then she said she's trying to come earlier for the new year, then i was like it's not really as busy as i expected it to be, she was like probably because everybody's hungo over then she went to work out. obviously this was just small talk, but what stood out to me is when when she finished stretching she looked at me and smiled until i noticed and smiled back.i saw her before she noticed me but i dont think she noticed me noticing her, when she got finished up she came by and asked what time we close and said she might come back,i also asked how she enjoyed the earlier hours. this was like the most i've ever talked to her, before i was just saying greeting her. is this flirty?

And you know this, but you keep sticking around for more of the same. That's not complicated, it's clear.