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One thing to keep in mind though is that it's very possible (if not likely) that she didn't know about his rigid age restrictions and that he would reject her as soon as he found out that she was older than she originally claimed. Most people just vaguely look over profiles and mainly focus on the pictures. And after they take things off the site people often completely forget about what their dates put on their profile. Unless he told her that he doesn't date anyone over 45 there is a very real possibility she didn't know what his reaction would be to her telling him the truth. A lot of people wouldn't consider it to be that big of a deal after they have actually gotten to know the person a little bit.

Yes, I think most would not be okay with this. But some have looser or lower standards than others, I suppose.

Sure, and that's fine. But let others have their opinions too: It's not up to you to decide how others respond. Agree to disagree.

I have to agree with those who think that it was a big deal. Because they think (and I think so too) that lying about the age was wrong. Not the age gap itself, but the lie. Now, as for the OP not wanting to date a woman just because she is 49 and not 39, that’s a whole different issue. Yes, the OP’s rigid age preferences, in themselves, would probably be a red flag to many women. But that only makes her lie a more serious matter. Whatever his preferences are, she knew about them, she agreed to date him, and she kept deceiving him about something that clearly matters a lot to him for quite a long time.

Lol no I'm not triggered. We just have people here who have different opinions. A lot of people here choose to give topic creators the benefit of the doubt a lot of times and I don't at times feel they should have the benefit of the doubt in many cases. I have the opinion that you learn through criticism more than you do through pats on the back.

So money is not this issue, it seems. In that case, I don't blame her for being hurt that you don't want to have a little more quality time with her. I am not sure what to tell you other than you seem very checked out of your marriage and family life.

Yes, it sounds like there were red flags. Did you ever suspect he actually already had a partner?

You seem to be quite triggered. It might be worth exploiring why that is.

Ah the old , "I don't ever want to get married again", and then they get married to someone else. I have no words of wisdom for you, it's a hurtful experience to be used and you have my sympathy, but maybe this little tale of woe will give you a lift. When I was young and naive, (40 years ago), I lived with an older guy who was a bitter divorcee. I was regularly told how he would never get married again, and obviously for a naive young woman in her first serious relationship this was a negative and damaging experience, and eventually I realised I was just a void filler with the added benefit that I paid half the rent. It took me a few years of growing before I saw him for the whining, middle-aged non-achiever that he actually was. Twenty-five years later, (at the age of 60), he married a Filipino woman, (she was 40), I think mainly because he wanted someone to look after him in his old age. She had a son, gained residency in Australia, and then left Old Fart in her dust, and continues to use their son to make his life an absolute misery. He's now 73 and the son, who is now 13, is running off the rails. Sometimes when things hurt us badly we just have to sit and wait for the Karma Train to pull into someone's station. Your guy's relationship can't have been going for too long and they've rushed into marriage. Trust me, this will be a disaster. Don't be surprised if he's on the other end of your 'phone at some stage in the future bleating about how he's now divorced again.

I have been in a FWB with an ex from April to August of this year on a regular basis. I guess ex is the key word, I should never have been involved with him a 2nd time. He assured me he was not dating anyone. He always said he didn’t want to get remarried and I’m on the same page. We are both 58. Sex was incredible. I drove by his house after a couple weeks of him making excuses that he was busy. I saw he had sold his house and did not even have the decency to tell me. I texted him and asked if he had moved. He responded that he quit his job, sold his house and moved to FL to help his son who lost his job. I thought that was odd. I knew he had previously been seeing a woman in Ga so I sent her a message on FB. I then got a text from him (I know she wrote it) saying he wanted to tell me the truth that they had been on and off and he realized he wanted to marry her. They are now married according to the pic on FB. I feel so betrayed and lied to. All he had to do was tell me the truth. I was upfront about not sleeping around as we did not use protection and he assured me he wasn’t sleeping around. I told him if he started seeing someone to let me know and we could end our hooking up. Why tell me, he was getting sex from 2 women apparently. I have caught him in numerous lies so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. His is a POS and dishonest. I honestly think he wants someone to take care of him Financially and I AM NOT doing that. I wish I had never met him nor wasted my time on this man.

I have been in a FWB with an ex from April to August of this year on a regular basis. I guess ex is the key word, I should never have been involved with him a 2nd time. He assured me he was not dating anyone. He always said he didn’t want to get remarried and I’m on the same page. We are both 58. Sex was incredible. I drove by his house after a couple weeks of him making excuses that he was busy. I saw he had sold his house and did not even have the decency to tell me. I texted him and asked if he had moved. He responded that he quit his job, sold his house and moved to FL to help his son who lost his job. I thought that was odd. I knew he had previously been seeing a woman in Ga so I sent her a message on FB. I then got a text from him (I know she wrote it) saying he wanted to tell me the truth that they had been on and off and he realized he wanted to marry her. They are now married according to the pic on FB. I feel so betrayed and lied to. All he had to do was tell me the truth. I was upfront about not sleeping around as we did not use protection and he assured me he wasn’t sleeping around. I told him if he started seeing someone to let me know and we could end our hooking up. Why tell me, he was getting sex from 2 women apparently. I have caught him in numerous lies so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. His is a POS and dishonest. I honestly think he wants someone to take care of him Financially and I AM NOT doing that. I wish I had never met him nor wasted my time on this man.

Part of an emotionally abusive relationship is that you may walk away from it but you have that glimmer of hope that the person didn't mean to be an a*****e, that they will come back and apologise and tell you they wish they hadn't treated you like that, that they adore you and want to live happily ever after with you. You're right that this is a fantasy, because you're also right that if he really loved you he would have put in a lot more effort to win you back. May I ask how he treated you in the relationship? Was he always a gentleman towards you? Did you feel loved and secure 100% of the time?

I have been in a FWB with an ex from April to August of this year on a regular basis. I guess ex is the key word, I should never have been involved with him a 2nd time. He assured me he was not dating anyone. He always said he didn’t want to get remarried and I’m on the same page. We are both 58. Sex was incredible. I drove by his house after a couple weeks of him making excuses that he was busy. I saw he had sold his house and did not even have the decency to tell me. I texted him and asked if he had moved. He responded that he quit his job, sold his house and moved to FL to help his son who lost his job. I thought that was odd. I knew he had previously been seeing a woman in Ga so I sent her a message on FB. I then got a text from him (I know she wrote it) saying he wanted to tell me the truth that they had been on and off and he realized he wanted to marry her. They are now married according to the pic on FB. I feel so betrayed and lied to. All he had to do was tell me the truth. I was upfront about not sleeping around as we did not use protection and he assured me he wasn’t sleeping around. I told him if he started seeing someone to let me know and we could end out booking up. Why tell me, he was getting it from 2 women apparently. I have caught him in numerous lies so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. His is a POS and dishonest. Wish I had not even wasted my time on this man.

You can usually pick up on things like that when spending time around them. It really wouldn't take someone that long to figure out that a persons age was questionable. Not only by how they act but also you can easily Google search someone these days and usually find out how old they are. If she was 49 and trying to pass as a 39 year old to men she was meeting online a Google search would have said her real age range.

What? There are plenty of 50 year olds out there who could pass for 40 if they have looked after themselves. Why should he automatically assume she was lying about something so basic?

If she thinks age is just a number, why is she lying about it? If she doesn't want an old man what makes her think you want an old woman? I would have a problem with someone lying to me hoping I fall for them so they can trick me into a relationship or marriage. I would break up with her so fast her head would spin.

I admit, obsessed. It got better then he reached out 15 months ago. I spiraled again and still going. Dude, Im exhausted

And you are clearly a bit obsessed with this guy now. Look, people say all kinds of things to eachother when they are in love or infatuated. And most of the time they mean it, at the time. But its ok for people to also grow apart and for those feelings to no longer apply.

With all due respect, the way he is dealing/dealt with it is far healthier than what you are doing. Do you want him to come to your doorstep begging and pleading for you to take him back? Because even that "best case" scenario wouldn't be healthy. You said in your OP that it was a heated, tumultuous relationship. You were just wrong for eachother unfortunately. It seems like he has come to terms with thst and got back on his own path and met someone else. You owe yourself the same. Sitting around getting bitter and twisted that he isn't still hung up on you is doing yourself no favours. If it was meant to work out, it would have. But it didnt, so you have to see it as an important part of your life but one on which the door has shut. Take your lessons from it and try and use them to make your future relationships better.

You know that denial? Like theres no way he could ever love another like he did me? Our future is our future, its suppose to be us once we can figure out how to work together. Ride or die. Im so caught up in that fantasy, I cannot accept that he has moved on to someone else

If he was upset with me for ignoring him, he didnt even try messaging me again. If 4 years meant anything to him, how angry and miserable could he have been with me that he fell for someone else? He didnt chase me. Guys run after what they want. It's difficult to swallow that 4 years was nothing more then a simple check in text message and then he moved on.

I believe I think this way because all of my thoughts are about him. I literally still ache for him. But needed him to show me more effort then 1 simple text. I cant help but feel I pushed him away and now happy with someone else

Yes, I would have taken him back if we could have fixed our problems. Now that ì know he has been with someone else, Im not so sure. I refuse to believe he no longer loves me. Whether he posted with intentions of hurting me or without even thinking of me. Hes moved on and I am so far in denial right now.

You are absolutely right. Because we went back and forth a few times in those years because I needed more affection, it stings that even when he did reach out, there was no other effort made by me ignoring it. I refuse to believe that he no longer loves me. I cant be realistic about it. I keep thinking hes rubbing her in my face because he was hurt that I ignored him. Crazy right? Im still in denial, its nuts