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To give you more context, I live in a country that was recently ranked with the highest infidelity rate in the world. Our society is built on a complex paradox compared to many others. For example, prostitution is strictly illegal here, yet it can be found in almost every corner. We have a strong traditional value of 'purity'—the idea that couples should wait until marriage. But because of this rigid expectation, it leads to a widespread culture of secret affairs, unlike countries where dating and physical intimacy are open parts of a relationship. Furthermore, unlike many Western cultures where infidelity often leads to divorce, my country has a high rate of infidelity but a low rate of divorce. People prioritize 'saving face' and maintaining social status over personal happiness. This environment shapes how she makes decisions. She is terrified of making a wrong life decision. In our culture, if she breaks her engagement and things don't work out with me, she becomes 'damaged goods' with no way back. She needs to be 100% sure that I am a better choice and a stable future before she destroys her current security. This 'secret period' is her only way to ensure that stability.

She's a skilled liar, too. You know this better than anyone. No, you're really not. You're showing her you don't have any self-respect. I'm a woman too, and we don't find doormats cute. Wrong again. She is a grown woman who is simply having her cake and eating it too. She doesn't need protection or care. She needs to stop acting like a jerk and mistreating people.

I think your third possibility is the most probable. She might not love me or her fiancé. She is just a girl trying to find the best man she can find—someone who can truly protect her and take care of her for the rest of her life.

I think you are definitely right. She might be selfish; perhaps she doesn't love me nor her fiancé. Maybe she loves only herself and just needs time to decide which path is best for her future. And what I am doing is giving her that time, to show her that I am her best choice.

I am not sure, because she told me she loved me. But the most important part is that I love her, even if she doesn't love me back.

I don't get it. You've been together for years now, but still most people think you are just her tenant - is that right? I am going to assume that's because of the legal hot water and greater judgement she fears she could face if people found out this relationship started when you were a teenager and she was an adult. Have I got that right?

Neither of you is healthy on your own. Together you are a powder keg. This isn't going to work out the way you want it to. It's up to you how much time you want to waste on this dead-end.

Looking at the OP (Redarrow's) activity it doesn't look like they have even logged on for almost two weeks now (around the time they sent their last message) so this thread can probably be put to bed as at this point as there is a good chance the OP won't even read what people are saying. Always kind of amuses me how people often just disappear as soon as they hear some things that they don't necessarily want to hear. Makes me kind of think that some aren't really looking for advice. They just want people to back up what they are thinking.

I have a STEM degree and work in the analyst field. Sometimes energy or gas. Most of my jobs were contract (6-12 months) and it’s difficult to get converted into a full time employee with benefits and the works. I’d argue sometimes contract work can be better since many salaried positions end up with 60-70 hour weeks which can make your hourly pay rate less than the strict per/hour wage in contract work AND makes you a workaholic, though it is less secure. I’m from a small town and moved back with my family for 2 years after college graduation plus worked in a call center which was the bulk of positions there. Those likely factored into why it was hard for me to find non-contract technical work. I’m just getting back to people after a rough work week and forgetting to visit the forum. I admit my time management is kind of poor and I’m trying to address it.

I’ve been part of a large church in a major city for 4 years and am a member of a young adults group. Within that group, I sometimes attend outings like trivia, housewarming parties and community groups. I’ve not been on a date with anyone from church, or close to a decade. My jaw is weak in the sense that it isn’t projected enough (chin tip lines up with lower lip is said to be ideal) and I have a double chin despite losing weight and being 170 lbs at 5’10”. Not that heavy, but it seems there isn’t enough bone to advance the skin forward so that’s likely the turkey neck coming from.

I'm outa here I literally just came back to say thank you you're the only person that's tried to given me sensible answers to my posts I see you're in Australia, so I don't know, maybe the rest of the world just doesn't think like us Cheers

Sorry is this isn't in the right place, but I wanted to cover a lot of areas For a few years now I have been in an awesome relationship with a much older woman, like literally more than twice my age. I want to clear about something, is that I started the relationship, I was a horny teen and I had the hots for her, and I went after her. A couple of times she wanted to break it off, and I begged her to take me back, and each time wore her down. So I don't want people saying she took advantage of me. It started when I was just a horny teen, and mostly I was just addicted to the sex. And I guess the comfort. My mother was never very "nurturing" was pretty much over being a mum when I came along, etc, etc. So yeah, I think I can admit that there has always been a bit of surrogate-mum about this. She's a wonderful mum and homemaker, great cook, loves people, and so yeah having her look after my every need has been like heaven. She has two kids, daughter and son, around 6 & 8 years younger than me. They figured out what was going on, pretty early on, and I think that them being less freaked out, was what cemented the relationship. (Their dad was an arse, who cheated and abused, so I think they saw it as their mum getting herself some.) Once they were ok with it, I moved into her bedroom. We hang out a lot as a family (a bit less as they're getting older) and NGL the dynamic is a little weird. For them I'm always the big brother, even when their mum is on my lap, and when we go out in public it seems I'm more like the eldest son. It all started out with me renting her "garage" to live in (it was close to Uni) and she needed the cash, and we keep it secret so as far as anyone knows I'm still living in the "garage". We're both religious and go to church, and yeah the fact that we're sinning has always been an issue. I've been out of Uni and working for almost a year now, and the money has really helped. Eventually me still "living in her garage" was going to become an issue, but we have bigger problems I'll admit that at first it was just horny sex, then I guess a very comfortable selfish setup. I know it sounds crap to say that I love them all, but I can't imagine a life without her and her kids. So whilst I supposed I always thought you know "one day..." about kids, I got comfortable with the idea that maybe that was never going to happen for me. Early on I used condoms, and then for a while she used a thermometer, but for some time now had stopped ovulating (according to her cycle/thermometer.) Which made sense as he's in her mid 40's now. Except that now she is pregnant. And already a couple of months along. Her periods had been getting longer apart and less intense, so she wasn't even sure at first. So this creates so many problems for us. For starters, she feels extra guilty and that this is somekind of punishment for our sin. And it's not obvious in public yet, but she is just horrified about the shame it will bring. She gets a little clingy and weepy at times, and needs comfort, so in some ways this is bringing us closer together. And in private she has a little belly, and boobs are more sensitive and stuff, so I find her even more beautiful. And I can make do with just cuddles. She is like really worried about the risks to the baby, given her age. Plus given her obsession with punishment, she's worried the baby will have Downs or something. We decided to tell her kids, and honestly I was shocked how totally onboard they were. I think that them being thrilled for her, is the only thing keeping it together for her. I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I'm just laying out options here, so please don't get all judgey. And yeah, if you just feel the need to tell me that I'm stupid, and selfish, and immature, I know, so don't bother. I get down on both knees, propose, and insist we get married. I'm too young to get married and I'm too young to be a Dad. But I can't imagine my life without this incredible women, and fatherhood is happening whether I'm ready or not. I will go to our Priest, take responsibility, and do whatever I need to do to make this right. I know that she will resist this. She feels she is too much older, for a permanent relationship, but I can be very persuasive. I could go to our priest, confess, and then leave. She will be a wonderful mother, and I feel she will get more support if I'm cast as the only guilty party. (And when I say confess, I mean lie, say it was once off, and that I pushed myself on her.) I feel she'll get support if she is seen as a victim. She goes "travelling" for 6 months and we see what happens. But it's not like there's a cover story. And the big risk I see with this, is what do people normally think if a 16yr old girl suddenly turns up with a "baby sister"?? We change nothing and just weather the storm. Thing is I know her, I know that she will feel ashamed, and she will withdraw, stop going to Church and stop seeing her friends. And the other thing is, that I will happily move out of her bed, and even her house, to remove the stress and "stain of sin", until we can be married. But I don't want to leave her alone, and uncomforted, any longer than I have to. But also NGL, but we could have a great life together. Most grads like me are still living with their mums, or in share houses, because rents are insane in our city. With her house, and my income, we could be set for life. He kids will one inherit the house, but that gives me plenty of time to save and invest.

You both seem like normal, well adjusted individuals in a healthy balanced relationship with mutual respect, compassion, sympathy and understanding. I'm not seeing a problem here.

You're both wrong. You both need to deal with your substance abuse issues, preferably when you're single. Let's say you both do that successfully, you shouldn't reconcile because you're not on the same page regarding what a relationship should look like.

You shouldn't have shown him any text message. It's okay for two people to discuss whether they're dating exclusively and what their policy is on staying friends with exes. But nobody should be demanding to be shown anyone else's phone. And nobody should be yelling at anybody. This guy is way too controlling (frankly, he sounds unhinged), and, like I indicated before, he's trying too hard to accelerate intimacy. I'm sorry you had such a frightening experience. But I'm glad your time together is over.

so my girlfriend i just broke up with 2 days ago that lives with me is telling me she wants to see where it goes still but to not worry about where she goes and how she spends her money. She has a bad past with drugs and alcohol. she quit both but pops pills to deal with back pain which i told her to stop doing because it doesnt help and she had told me already it doesnt help her back but she just enjoys the pills. i told her it wont work because me as a man cant move forward with a women that tells me not to worry about what she does. am i in the wrong? yes there is more to the story. i drink a lot when she gives me attitude and she says everything is my fault and i need to work on myself. i told her she takes not accountability for why things have gotten the way they have. yes i do disrespect her when i get drunk and yes its me but man dealing with a women with so much attitude gets my blood boiling. we tried to make this work many times because it is good when its good of course. but i dont think i need a attitude ass women. I told her i went through a really bad relationship a year ago and i was just about over it now. Now i have to deal with this. I told her my boundaries. She seems to not give a s*** and blame me for the disrespect i tell her when she comes into my room while im drunk with her bullshit. am i in the wrong? im tired of this but i want her. how to i move forward with this situation.... or just thoughts on the matter

After 3 dates I wouldn't be trying to measure feelings through texting frequency. If the dates are good, he follows through, and he keeps seeing you, that's the signal to pay attention to. Twice a day is not strange this early. What would worry me more is getting attached so fast that every gap in communication starts to feel like danger.

After 3 dates I wouldn't be trying to measure feelings through texting frequency. If the dates are good, he follows through, and he keeps seeing you, that's the signal to pay attention to. Twice a day is not strange this early. What would worry me more is getting attached so fast that every gap in communication starts to feel like danger.

After 3 dates I wouldn't be trying to measure feelings through texting frequency. If the dates are good, he follows through, and he keeps seeing you, that's the signal to pay attention to. Twice a day is not strange this early. What would worry me more is getting attached so fast that every gap in communication starts to feel like danger.

I would leave it alone. Three weeks in, this is already way too intense and way too personal for something that barely got off the ground. Whether you meant well or not, once you're discussing his surgery, his boundaries and your future sex life this early, the whole thing is already off track. If he reaches out, slow it way down. If he doesn't, let it end.

I would leave it alone. Three weeks in, this is already way too intense and way too personal for something that barely got off the ground. Whether you meant well or not, once you're discussing his surgery, his boundaries and your future sex life this early, the whole thing is already off track. If he reaches out, slow it way down. If he doesn't, let it end.

I would leave it alone. Three weeks in, this is already way too intense and way too personal for something that barely got off the ground. Whether you meant well or not, once you're discussing his surgery, his boundaries and your future sex life this early, the whole thing is already off track. If he reaches out, slow it way down. If he doesn't, let it end.

You're not really confused, you just don't like the answer. You asked her out and she did not say yes. The hair touching and complimenting your cologne don't mean much now, because plenty of people are warm or flirty at work without wanting to date a coworker. I'd stay polite, keep it professional, and not bring it up again.

I see what your saying. I think that she does believe that she shows love in other ways but if you're "showing someone love" in a way thats not their love language or in a way that doesnt speak to them, it still leaves the person feeling like they're not loved. Her love language is acts of service so If I tried to show love through quality time with her, its not going to hit home.

I don’t mean that you should apologize for wanting to have more sex with your wife, not at all. The problem is your apparent conviction that she is supposed to want it as much as you do. You perceive her refusals as personal rejections because you think that if she doesn’t want to have sex it means she doesn’t love you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that. You should analyze your relationship as a whole and see whether her love is manifested in other aspects besides sex. And then have a talk with her without even a hint of entitlement or pressure, and together figure out what exactly makes her want sex less.