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Hello Gina! Yes, we do have common interests. It's just that anime and manga are my thing - I have seen and read so much of it and it's been a deep influence on me in my writing career as well. I still have no idea why she wanted to go with me. She was the one who volunteered to come, I didn't ask her. I asked her multiple times before she bought the plane tickets if she was sure this was a good idea because I knew how she hated anime and all stuff associated with it. But she insisted she wanted to come. She just treated me like something she could brag about to her neighbors rather than

Do you have any common interests? I can't get my head around the idea of why would she want to go with you, knowing she would hate it.

probably she is feeling not as important in his life now that he has me.

No, I’m sure she didn’t. If she is making snide comments when your boyfriend/her friend is out of earshot and not in his presence, that says a lot about her intentions. She has the insight to know that she shouldn’t say those things when he is present - but that doesn’t stop her from making rude comments when he is out of earshot. It’s early in the relationship and you have only met her once. Personally, I would give it a pass and see what happens the next time that you are together. If it happens again, I would talk with him. Gaeta is right - you will want to watch closely to see ho

I think it would be an oversimplification to try and out any kind of timeline on an extramarital affair. The prevailing wisdom is that if someone is truly unhappy in their marriage and serious about their affair partner, they tend to make the move and end their marriage to be with their affair partner sooner than later. I think after 15 years, it’s time to get honest with yourself and accept that it’s not going to happen the way you had hoped. If she hasn’t made the decision to make a change, it’s because she has things set up exactly the way that she wants it… You are very hun

You're exactly right, her first words were "I really wanted to meet you, he's crazy about you". But, she didn't sound sincere, not like his other friends I had met before.

I'm guessing he's sung your praises to her, told her how great you are and that he hopes your relationship pans out, and she's eaten up with jealousy. Her remarks about you are just plain spiteful, how dare she comment on your appearance? Notice that she said these things when he was out of earshot? That's how jealous b*tches operate. You're right not to say anything about her at this point, but when it comes to it you'll have to speak up. You say she's his best friend, but I'd argue that. A true friend would be warm and welcoming towards you because they'd want him to be happy. Anyway, if the

Yeah, it's not like I'm gonna see her a lot, probably on my boyfriend's birthday.

im just finding it so hard to get beyond the pain, disappointment and hurt. Not only have 15 years passed albeit we had amazing times together which if the love was genuine i have no regret of but the future i hoped and for us has just been ripped away ripped . Im a deep thinker and cant help replaying every good memory and every conversation trying to think could there of been a different ending in an alternative sliding door moment but then i think if there was something wrong then she'd of said rather than seemingly just bottling it , if indeed she was ever going to make a go of it with me

Given that you're only a month into dating BF, I think you're smart to hold off on voicing any judgments about this friend just yet. Wait and see where this relationship goes and learn more about how often you might cross paths with her. This might just be a balance of allowing your feelings for one another to escalate or not, even while the friend might expose her jealousy to BF and come off as a shrew. Who knows? In that case, she might offend BF enough to hang herself. I'd stay observant, but I wouldn't call this yet.

It's not necessary to believe that the woman wasn't at least emotionally sincere in her feelings for you. Not every deception is conscious, even to the deceiver. I think people have just been trying to point out that anyone who owns a 15-year capacity to betray someone as close as a spouse also owns the same capacity to deceive anyone else at any given time. It may come as easily to them as breathing, so they may not even think of themselves as being devious or trying to inflict harm. It's all about getting their own needs met, regardless of who else is ultimately harmed in the process. N

No, I haven't told him, I don't want to make a big deal about it.

My politically correct answer: I would ask the friends that witnessed his violence toward her to file a police report. This man did not start being abusive and violent with your daughter, he did that toward other women before. I would dig in his past, I would do a criminal background check on him and I am sure you'd have something to show your daughter. Ask your daughter to call a domestic abuse hotline and just chat with them. They will explain to her the cycle of violence. It may get her attention if she hears it from a stranger. My politically incorrect answer: I woul

This is very rude! Have you told your boyfriend? What did he do about it? I am going to tell you something very important. The most important thing in a relationship is not how his crowd treat you - the most important thing is how HE manages members of his crowd disrespecting you. You understand the difference? If your boyfriend does not go up to this friend to tell her he expects her to respect you as his girlfriend, to never EVER use this tone with you, then he's not worthy of being your boyfriend. Do not date a man that does not take your defense loud and clear.

Thank you for the reply. I guess mentioning her age I stupidly thought going for someone a little older they might have the emotional maturity to handle situations better. that is currently what I’m picking apart - why did I ignore the red flags. Why did I take her back after the dating site situation. I guess because I ‘wanted’ to believe her. I had built up this vision of our future though it was with the idealised version of her. dont worry - I’m left picking up the pieces. I feel foolish for reaching out after I was ghosted. Just never thought that happened in relationship

Ive spent the whole weekend reading various threads on this forum and its definitely opened my mind to other persons agendas / behavioral motivations but its still so hard to understand what after 15 years has been a lie and what is the truth . After all why would someone carry on with an affair for 15 years if there really wasnt some special connection ? especially when the distance between us was 100 miles yet we both made the effort to see one another every 2-3 week for all this time and would both use so much of our holiday entitlement seeing one another as much as we could which was obvi

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He wasn't around, one time he was away getting us something to drink, another time, he was pulled aside by somebody else at the party who wanted to talk to him.

Ok, so this is not just about the tone she used. She said things that were plainly rude. How did your boyfriend respond to this?

She joked several times about me being younger than what I really am: she made a joke about me being below the age of consent, she later took it further and joked about me being in kindergarden.

I'm sorry you're strugglging, OP. I am her age (nearly 44), and I am not sure why you make this comment: What does her age have to do with it? People of any age can be tools and behave the way she did. You're also only, what, 5 years younger? That isn't really a remarkable age gap. Anyway, I also wonder why you chose to ignore huge red flags. She had the audacity to use her miscarriage as an excuse for being on a dating app. That is despicable and total garbage. That was not a trauma response. That was her scrambling to make herself a victim with something you might buy. A

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Could be either or. Or both. Or neither. It's a little hard to guess when we don't know someone and may be misinterpreting what they say or how they say it. I don't mean that you are making things up, but I would actually see how she is the next time you interact with her in person. I wouldn't assume just yet that she doesn't like you or wants your boyfriend. It's also possible she has a sharp personality in general or was having an off day. Can you give us an example of what she said?