Long Distance Assistance?

[CarrieT]

First post -- I had to find folks who didn't know me to get some advice and after reading through this site, I think you kind people can help me.

 

Here's the background. I met my BF 2 1/2 years ago on Craigslist. Yep, the Casual Encounters area. For the first year, I really did look at the world through rose-coloured glasses. And the sex was fantastic. A few months into our relationship, we started a business together and it has grown amazingly and we are making TONS of money.

 

However, a year into our relationship (a year-and-a-half ago), the BF shut down sexually and began to abuse alcohol. We haven't had sex since January of 2007 and every morning is started with a drink and continues throughout the day. We began to have escalating fights about him going out and drinking all night long and bringing home complete strangers in the middle of the night to continue the partying. His argument is that it is his home too and he puts no restriction on me; why should I put any one him.

 

Anyway, for the past 2 1/2 months, he and I have been traveling separately; I to the Caribbean for a two weeks and then he to Central America for two months. He is coming home on July 14th and I want to break up with him completely. In fact, I am resigned myself to do so but have read everywhere to do it in person, face-to-face. So I have been trying to put on a happy face and pretend like most everything is fine, but I'm sure he can here in my voice that it is not. However, we correspond everyday via ICQ because of our business and he keeps saying "I Love You" and is hurt that I only respond with an "XO."

 

Is there a point where any of you think I should tell him BEFORE he returns that I don't love him any more? We live together and there will be a whole discussion about who moves where and what happens to the business, but if it were you, would you rather know sooner than later, even if it is done over the phone or a computer message? I'm getting so worked up about it and am really at quite a loss.

 

If it makes any difference, I am in my early 40s and he is in his mid-30s. We have both been married before; me almost two decades ago and he as shortly as five years ago. He claims (and I believe) that he really loves me. I just don't want to live with the alcohol and tirades any more.

 

Thanks for your input.