Such a bizarre situation

[princessjasmine]

Ok, firstly, let me say that everything I am about to post is genuine. It's like nothing that has ever happened to me before and I think it's stopping me from being impartial, so please give me your brutally honest advice..

 

Ok, I met this guy on my first ever attempt at internet dating. 6 weeks ago was our first date. We went out for dinner, and had an amazing time. At the time this was in London, we went to a top restaurant, but to be honest we could have been anywhere, he had such a great time. He explained that he was moving out of the country very soon for tax reasons, but only an hours flight away, would I be interested in continuing the relationship. I said it was unusual but let's see how it goes.

 

He called daily for two hours every evening sent loads of texts, then flew me to his house in Geneva for 4 days. We had a brilliant time again, he's so intelligent, I find him so so very sexy, he has me in stitches...but he's actually a billionaire hedge fund manager. It's cool that he has loads of neat stuff, but it's hard having gold diggers relentlessly throwing themselves at him, even if I'm stood right there.

 

10 days after Geneva, we went on holiday for a week on his boat, (we got back 2 weeks ago today) and again had an amazing time. We went out and looked at all the remote coastlines, sat up until the early hours talking, it was so so perfect and romantic. When we got back (me to London, him to Geneva) he was fine for about 4 days. Then, the 10 texts a day went down to 2. The daily phonecalls became every other day. Then I didn't hear from him for a full day. The day after (this was last Sunday), I called and he said that he was struggling because he liked me, but he was still thinking about his ex, and felt like I didn't deserve to be strung along. I asked about her, and he said he had dated her for a couple of months, then he discovered that she had slept with someone else, and been dating another man within that time too. He said that he felt stupid because he would never consider for one moment taking her back because she is a proven liar and a cheat, but he felt guilty about spending time with me until he got these thoughts out of his head.

 

I told him that I was gutted, but thanked him for his honesty. The last week he's sent me a few texts, and sent me some lovely photos of us on the boat together. I know he hasn't seen her (she lives in Poland) and he really won't take her back, he's very smart, and hasn't got where he is by being a mug. I love that he's been very frank and said he doesn't feel like he's being honest to me if we spend lots of time together and there is another woman in his head. He also says that he knows he won't feel like this forever, and just wants some time.

 

The last I heard from him was a text Friday afternoon, something silly... we'd been on the phone Thurs night (for 2 hours again) some woman had come on to him on via a "non-friend" message on his facebook and he'd told her to bugger off, so she replied with a rant and told him to go buy a sex doll and to go f*ck himself etc etc. We both laughed a lot at this, so I text him Fri morning saying "Just drove past a sex shop, shall I get you a doll :)" and he replied "Already bought one darling, a little brown eyed brunette number, I've nearly worn it out already x x x" (I'm brown eyed and brunette). I thought maybe that was quite flirty and showing a little interest still. But I've had nothing since. I've called his phone a couple of times, and he hasn't answered, which is nothing special as half the time he's in meetings, but what is different this time is that he would have seen the missed calls from me and he hasn't returned the calls.

 

This is the first relationship I've had since breaking up with my ex, and father to my only child 10 months ago. I am falling for this guy like mad. Please, please, please believe it's not about the money. It's awesome that he's done all that, if anything I admire him and it makes me proud to be his girlfriend. But it's him that I'm crazy about.

 

Am I being a fool? Am I being clearly dumped and don't want to see it.

 

What do I do. And can I have constructive honest advice please.

 

Thank you x

[DustySaltus]

You fell for him because he was a break from the normalcy of everyday life. You can't possibly know every facet of his personality after 6 weeks. Everything seemed so new and fresh.

 

The reality is that he is not over his ex and is moving out of the country. These are two very valid reasons for BOTH of you not to be together. You want someone who can be there for you 100%. He's admitting to you that he can't be there physically or mentally right now. It's better to find that out 6 weeks in then six months....or years.

 

He may be capable of flying you out to his boat on a moments notice but he can't provide you with what you truly need. What you though you had is over and I just have a feeling that there's other women in the picture. I hope i'm wrong but regardless, the focus should now be on yourself and defining your own happiness.

[princessjasmine]

Ok, so a couple of hours ago I text and ask if he's having a good weekend, he sends a text to say he's on the boat with his best (male) friend, and will be there til Tuesday. And that he hopes I am having a chilled weekend x x x.

 

What do I read from that? Is he just being polite as to not ignore me? Or would you say he's letting me know he's not misbehaving.

 

Dusty - I fell for all the normal stuff, on my little boy's life, that's what I was trying to say. He's so down to earth, and if you met him on the street..the last person you would suspect to be in the fortunate position he is. Also, in the UK he was a 2hr drive away, so its actually shorter for me to fly out (weird I know). I do agree with the rest of the stuff you say though.

[sugarmomma]

I would suggest you stop all the initiating and just see where he's at. I think he's dumping you in a ****ty way. He could have told you in the beginning that he was pining for some chick that cheated on him and you could have bailed then. But no he waits until you've fallen for him and then he drops the bomb on you. The guy you met over the first 6 weeks is not the guy you're getting to know now.

 

The guy he's being now is the real him. Accept the good time and leave it at that. His behavior is just gonna get worse so you might as well cut your losses now. Whatever you do, don't chase.

 

Click on the link below and you will find out who he really is.

[princessjasmine]

So, he called this morning, he's having a new boat built and was with his best mate at the boat builders (dock yard i guess?) He phoned and was really excited, saying it's all progressing really well and walked about saying what he could see and how he's so thrilled, and then he asked how I was, I was at work and told him how the guy in the offices across the road had left me some chocs on my desk (this guy is a weirdo that's been semi-stalking me in a harmless way for a while) so we had a bit of a giggle about it. Then someone shouted in the background and he said he had to go, they were about to go into a meeting to choose some fittings etc and we basically got cut short.

 

Is this a positive? As in he stood there and was ultra excited and wanted to tell someone, and the first person he phones is me? It's not like he's trying to show off, I already know all about the new boat and have seen the plans so it's not some new thing to try and impress me with.

 

Heard nothing else for the rest of the day.

 

It's not to boast to me, he knows I find his whole life crazy, old boat, new boat, all the same mental stuff to me. So do you think he called because he actually wanted to talk to me?

 

Or am I being a little rose-tinted in my views

[2sure]

When you have dated someone a few times and then tell them you still have feelings for an ex...its usually the equivalent of saying "the cat is on the roof".

 

It sounds like he is a genuinely nice guy and thinks that you are someone whose company he enjoys. But by telling you nicely that he was for whatever reason, not able to pursue a relationship with you...thats what he meant. Ten texts messages a day is interested. 2 is being polite.

 

Just back off and see what happens. If he has so many women chasing him...you dont want to be more of the same.

[princessjasmine]

I think I will back off...it's the only way to see if he's interested anymore, if at all. I hope he does, but you know when you have that feeling deep down, and you just don't want to admit it out loud

 

By the way...what is "cat on the roof"??

[princessjasmine]

Hell, this sucks. Apart from not contacting him, what would you suggest I do if/when he calls? Play it cool, as if it really hasn't bothered me that we are only speaking half as much as before. Confront him with "so, exactly where is this going?" (well, in a more tactful way but you know what I mean)

 

I feel like this is so out of my control...and I definitely want to see him again, so what do you think I should say to him to improve the chances of it happening... in a nutshell, the more he sits and stews on his own, the more likely anything we ever had will just be left to fizzle out, but I KNOW if we spent more time together, he'd be moving on and pushing memories of his ex out of his head... I just need him to see that.

 

How useless do I feel right now!!