Broke up yesterday, I'm sad, right thing to do???

[jesslindy]

I am a 32 year old divorced male. I have a 5 year old son. I have been seeing a girl now for about 8 months.She's divorced as well. I have known her for about 8 years, we used to flirt all the time, never dated seriously, until now. I do love her, and from what she tells me she loves me as well. She says she always has. She is extremely hot and beautiful. I'll give you a rundown of our relationship as I see it.

 

Not a day goes by she doesn't hear me tell her how much I love her, how beautiful she is, and how I shiver when she touches me. With that being said I will tell you how I see some of her traits.

 

1. She has what I would consider moderate self-esteem issues, she doesn't think she's hot. She just considers herself semi-attractive. These are her words. The fact that I even get to touch her makes me feel lucky and priveleged.

 

2. I see that she has a wanting of attention from men, but yet she says it makes her feel uncomfortable, yet doesn't do anything about it. I will elaborate. She maintained a relationship with her xhusband, a friend thing, and yes I'm sure of that. I had a hard time relating to it because there is no way I could maintain a relationhip with my ex wife, just too much pain. But yet I never had a major problem with it. Until I found out he had told her he still loves her, and starting talking in a negative light about me. I expressed my concern over this wrinkle in our relationship, and told her I wasnt comfortable with them maintaining a relationship. I didn't see the need for their friendship, and how it could be damaging to our relationship. She agreed and told him they couldnt talk anymore. OK. Done. 2 nights ago, she was texting someone in front of me and my spidey-sense kicked in and I knew it may be inappropriate, I didn't say anything, we went to bed, and she left her phone on the coffee table. I woke up for work in the morning, and looked at her phone, and I really didnt care I was doing it, I just needed to check into my intuition. Pages and pages of texting with another ex, who abused her and is a complete waste of life, alcoholic, poor, and a real head case mother ****er. I lost it inside. I childishly left her a note under her phone that said "You must think I'm stupid.". And she called me later asking what I was talking about, I said I already knew and she could call me back when she figured out why I must be upset, which I now see as maybe the wrong thing to do. I should hav just communicated at this point, but I was at work and still really pissed, so I thought some time to calm down would be helpful. In her defense, she never said anything inappropriate to him, just alot of dodging his advances. But what really pissed me off was, he asked her "Should we stop talking so I dont cause any problems for you.", she said "No.". My gut twisted. Later yesterday I told her why I was upset, and she said she hadn't done anything inappropriate and she was just talking to him pertaining to his son, who she grew close to when they were together. It wasn't enough for me.

 

3. She has a bad relationship with her Mother and carries baggage from it. She also carries baggage from what I would call a rough childhood. No need to elaborate. It makes her insecure and I've grown tired of it as well.

 

4. She is a social networking nerd, ie.. Facebook, which is the root of all evil and should be shutdown before the human race becomes extinct, or at the very least robots with no souls!:lmao:. Twitter and texting, all forms of noncommunication evil! She gets hit on by every slimeball on there. Like I said she is really hot.

 

Ok, my turn. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life, but this girl makes me jealous. Im very secure about myself, and I keep it in check ver well. I just can't handle the two relationships I spoke about above, and do not want to have this problem over and over again, which I see as inevitable at this point. I have been cheated on since high school from every girl Ive been seriously with since I was 20 years old. So Ive looked into myself on many many occasions, and I am solid. Going through a divorce was a large soulsearching time for me, and I corrected many of the things that were my downfalls. I've spent the better part of my adult life trying to learn how to be in an interpersonal relationship correctly. So Im not saying Im perfect by any means, my jealousy with her has been a problem for me but I internalize it and try not to act differently because of it. I very rarely get angry in an unhealthy way anymore, but I got pretty pissed about this ex relationship, and I may have over reacted. I just think this. Self-esteem issues + baggage + need for attention from scumbags + every man she knows wants her badly = Me getting ****ed again!! I could be wrong, thats why I typed all of this. Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.