found out ex fiance has new bf...rebound?

[69ways]

I just found out by a friend.

 

Is this considered rebound or not?

 

Broke up 5,5 months ago and we have not spoken for 35 days after I asked her to leave me alone.

 

I feel numb and like ****.

 

Blood pressure when up and feeling my ears to burn.

 

why did this have to happen?

 

What sins am I paying?

[dreamscape123]

Could well be a rebound. How long were you with her ? and if you dont mind me asking, why did you guys break up ?

[oldguy]

Given it's been almost 6 months it does't necessarily sound like a rebound.

It sounds like your not over her otherwise it would not matter to you why she dating someone else or even IF she was dating someone else. It's been over for 6 months & you more recently told her to leave you alone so... what did you expect? Grieve & move on my friend.

[69ways]

4,5 years planned marriage next year.

 

Had a fight and i broke up with her, silly me and two hors later she had enough she said when i tried to get her back.

 

She accused me for many things after the break up, not true.

 

actually she blamed herself in the start but then me

 

We went fourth and back till the 2 of june

[69ways]

Given it's been almost 6 months it does't necessarily sound like a rebound.

It sounds like your not over her otherwise it would not matter to you why she dating someone else or even IF she was dating someone else. It's been over for 6 months & you more recently told her to leave you alone so... what did you expect? Grieve & move on my friend.

 

 

well told her to leave me alone because she was calling and crying or just calling to see how i am, never said i miss you or anything.

 

you know how messed up people get when dumpers call crying but dont know why their crying themselves?

i was getting psychologically f.... up

I was thinking :she wants me back or maybe she is crying because she has a new guy and not telling me....

 

I guess if is not a rebound, she did not love me as much as she said then

[oldguy]

4,5 years planned marriage next year.

 

Had a fight and i broke up with her, silly me and two hors later she had enough she said when i tried to get her back.

 

She accused me for many things after the break up, not true.

 

actually she blamed herself in the start but then me

 

We went fourth and back till the 2 of june

 

At least you didn't get married, have a couple of children & then discover you where incompatible.

 

Are you sure some of the things she accused you of where untrue? There are two sides to each story and both are usually, partially true.

I found the best way to grow is to at the very least, consider criticism rather than completely dismissing it. If it's trash through it out, but don't simply dismiss it because it was uttered in the heat of the moment or you didn't LIKE what was said. Sometimes the greatest trueths are exposed by the passion of the moment., or in a drunken stooper,

[dreamscape123]

Given it's been almost 6 months it does't necessarily sound like a rebound.

It sounds like your not over her otherwise it would not matter to you why she dating someone else or even IF she was dating someone else. It's been over for 6 months & you more recently told her to leave you alone so... what did you expect? Grieve & move on my friend.

 

Sorry dude, but I have to agree with oldguy here completely. What you need to come to terms with, is that if it is , or is not a rebound the fact is, she IS currently with someone else.... It is a sh`t situation to be in, as I know all too well, but you need to think about you......

[69ways]

At least you didn't get married, have a couple of children & then discover you where incompatible.

 

Are you sure some of the things she accused you of where untrue? There are two sides to each story and both are usually, partially true.

I found the best way to grow is to at the very least, consider criticism rather than completely dismissing it. If it's trash through it out, but don't simply dismiss it because it was uttered in the heat of the moment or you didn't LIKE what was said. Sometimes the greatest trueths are exposed by the passion of the moment., or in a drunken stooper,

 

We are compatible , met many women in my line of job as a barman in a very very busy island.

First time i felt this way

 

Same music band,food,songs,jokes, house on lake , people used to say we are a match i heaven.

One look and she know what i wanted.

 

baby i have never been so sure in my life as i am for us and we will be ok baby, she used to say.

 

I want children she said.

why? to look like you she said

 

yes i am sure i did not do these things, she accused me for buying a present for my sister that was for another woman, or an ex came for holidays to the island i live, that i went home with her.

 

Both where false accusations.

[69ways]

here is the whole story:

 

We been together 4.5 years in a distance relationship.

 

We got engaged 6 months and we planned a wedding next year after i completed my studies.

 

I noticed lately she has been talking much about the distance and told her my plan was the original, me going there.

 

Unfortunately when we had fights, i tended to break up with her for a couple of hours but we always managed to sort it.

 

a month ago we had a fight and told her to let me be a few hours to clear my head, when i called her back she said she needed time.

 

She said she believes she is suffering with depression and that she is not sure for our future.

 

We decided to meet abroad and talk for a week.

 

She came for valentines and we had a great time together, she was in tears saying she will always love me but she was so unsure of the future.

 

The 2nd day she woke me up to let me know she has changed her ticket home and her fight was going in a few hours.

 

I was shocked, how could she do that?

 

She said it was better than waiting for a week which would have been harder as I was so nice to her.

 

When she got to the airport she called me crying like anything.

 

I told her we would never see each other again and told her this relationship leads nowhere for her just to say that she is disappointed i took this decision.

 

She later called me from home to say we should go our own ways but she still loves me but needs time to find herself.

 

She said she is not interested in another guy but she does not expect me to wait for her as she is unsure of the outcome or how long she needs to find herself.

 

I made it clear that if she sleeps with another guy i dont want her back.

 

Again she said she is not interested in another but i know at the long run she will.

 

She even email my mother saying she feels empty and shocked and she still loves me but may situations took place that make a dark cloud inside her.

 

Three night ago we both cried over the phone for half an hour and then i email to her the first email she send me.

 

She txt me that she was in tears but has not changed her decision and i should not worry about other guys .

 

 

 

Its been 1,5 months and today she asked to let her go but our engagement was the happiest day of her life.

and she wants to write each morning to me.

 

That brought me so much pain because she was like this once in the past but we did not break up, she was just feeling down.

 

We been very bad to each other these last 3 days but we both said sorry about everything.

 

I have send flowers,letters , told her i will change......its over she said

 

 

Even went with flowers to her country on her birthday just to be called selfish and be accused for many stupid things.

 

She even called me crying a month later and saying thanks for been there for me:confused:

 

I had to ask her to leave me alone 4 months after the break up as she was messing my head.

[oldguy]

Lets not get wrapped up in semantics here. You told her to leave you alone. You didn't go into all of your reasons that you have explained here, you simply told the girl to leave you alone. And she did. Don't play games here.

 

I guess if is not a rebound, she did not love me as much as she said then

So how long it took her to try to rebuild her life after you dumped her, then when she called you crying u told her to "F" off, & u think this is an indication or a barometer of "how much" she loved you? That sounds like a pity party dude. I'm out of here.

Edited July 6, 2011 by oldguy

[Mack05]

Unfortunately when we had fights, i tended to break up with her for a couple of hours but we always managed to sort it.

 

I had to ask her to leave me alone 4 months after the break up as she was messing my head.

 

Mate behaviour like this is a surefire to get a girl to leave you for good. I used to be like you. Have a fight and breakup, have a fight and breakup. That kind of behaviour shows an enormous lack of emotional maturity. Either that or subconsciously you were not happy within the relationship and wanted out (here is where you need to be honest with yourself).. Trust me no one wants to be part of a relationship, where after every fight you break up. That is the complete opposite of what a healthy relationship should be.

 

I think she has decided to move on and I think you need to start accepting, that you both were not right for each other and that the relationship is over..Marriages end, engagements end. That's sadly part of life. It's about picking up the pieces and rebuilding your life. You need to learn from your mistakes mate, you have learnt a lot of harsh lessons here. Put things in place to make sure, that you don't make the same mistakes going forward..

[69ways]

PLAYING GAMES?:mad:SHE LEFT ME NOT ME

 

God why every time some person that carries loads form his previous relationship turns his anger and disappointment in the most useless bloody advice ever made in human history?

 

Listen my friend, people get angry , people say thing but if in two hours she changed her mind about me because we had a small fight then to answer your question:

it took her two hours to rebuild her life.

 

People preach here how you should go NC and then comes a p.... telling us in BOLD letters that is my fault for trying to protect myself after 4 months of getting fed bread crumbs.

 

NO CONTACT, is not to heal myself?

 

So i believe i am allowed to do that after been dragged by the nose for 120 day m8

 

Honestly, are you in contact with the world here?

 

I never told her to F.... off, obviously you were not reading my post

 

I actually told her i will be on the next aeroplane if she needed me when she was crying, she thanked me for that.

 

Who travels 3000 miles to Switzerland to give flowers and plays games.

 

You are right do us al a favour and get out of here because you are as much use in this forum as bicycle with no seat

[geegirl]

That whole fight, break up, fight, break up ends up leaving a relationship dry of any emotional security. I would never want to be with someone who's constantly holding the break up card over my head the moment things go off track. It's exhausting. You cry wolf many times enough and it will backfire on you. She may have checked out long before. I don't think it took her 2 hours to rebuild her life. She may have been moving on way before the break up. She may not have had the courage to say it. Most times those that are contemplating leaving, don't just get up and leave. It's been in their minds for awhile.

 

But all that aside. It doesn't matter whether it is a rebound or not. You both broke up and you did the right thing by staying NC in order to protect yourself. The normal progression after a break up is that people move on and date. Whether rebound or not, who knows. We can't analyze or make predictions.

 

You're not paying for any sins. Relationships are a risk. It's never a guarantee that it's going to last happily ever after. If it does, lucky you! But people change. Their feelings change. Their wants and needs change. Soon, the dynamics of what was once a great R, changes. Break ups happen to everyone. No one is punishing you.

 

Stay NC. Move forward as you have been doing. It will slowly pass. Cliche but it's true. Good luck to you.

[69ways]

Acceptable but a break up was not initiated for a few months now why get engage and then decide to leave me.I mean we had a fight so what?

[geegirl]

I don't know what is going on in her head. Nor will you. What you do know is that she has made a decision to end it and move on. It was a mere fight to you. For her it could have been the straw that broke the camel's back. That one fight was probably a trigger that unleashed a whole slew of conflicts within her that made her realize the R was not for her anymore. And she may have been confused as to whether she was doing the right thing. Dumpers have a hard time too when trying to make the right decision for themselves. This was hers. You were right in going NC, knowing there was nothing else to hold on to.

 

You're angry. You feel betrayed. You're suffering a loss. It's understandable. But you will never find the answers as to why she's done what she's done. We can all speculate and turn it twenty different ways. It won't do you any good.

Edited July 6, 2011 by geegirl

[oldguy]

We are compatible , met many women in my line of job as a barman in a very very busy island.

First time i felt this way

 

That does NOT mean you are COMPATIBLE! it just means YOU are in lust with her. Compatibility goes a lot deeper than; "First time i felt this way".

[69ways]

so now you know how i feel.....good maybe you can guide then.

for a guy that knows everything you spent a lot of time on this section of broken heart people

[oldguy]

so now you know how i feel.....good maybe you can guide then.

for a guy that knows everything you spent a lot of time on this section of broken heart people

 

I don't have to know everything to have your number pal.

[69ways]

give us a call then, i am just wondering how you believe your behaviour is helping people here.

 

Oh and I am not your pal...m8

[69ways]

and here is the proof of what an arrogant piece of s... you are,

every post or advice is full of irony or arrogance:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=16394144

 

 

users can judge and should avoid you like the plague because you must be a real arrogant SOAB if a person is asking for an advice in an abusive relationship and you say:WHO CARES JUST GET OUT, as told one user

 

Is not easy sometimes PAL

[oldguy]

and here is the proof of what an arrogant piece of s... you are,

every post or advice is full of irony or arrogance:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=16394144

 

 

users can judge and should avoid you like the plague because you must be a real arrogant SOAB if a person is asking for an advice in an abusive relationship and you say:WHO CARES JUST GET OUT, as told one user

 

Is not easy sometimes PAL

 

No match to your link.

 

You treated the girl like crap, according to what you've written, & now your wondering what went wrong!

 

And yes! the number 1 thing someone needs to do if they are in an abusive relationship is get out of it before they get physically hurt. Then you can move on to step two.

[69ways]

thats your own personal opinion, i am not going to write what she did wrong.....

 

ANW i have no respect for your opinion and the link matches as I just clicked on it.

 

Honestly,love is about forgiveness and if someone screws up , if you love him enough you give chances.

I gave her.....

 

LDR are not easy......

 

Honestly your opinion is of no importance to me because you are biased.

[oldguy]

Sorry, I really would like to read the link but it wont open on this end.

I reread all you wrote & I guess I am bias, no offence but you present yourself as a bit of a stalker. But that is neither here nor there, I do realize you are hurting & I am truly sorry for that. Also I will apologies for jumping on you. There was a personal reason for it that is not important here. But sincerely, best wishes to you. I'm done.

[69ways]

thanks man, I know I made mistakes also but I suffered with the distance between us also and my studies but I knew she would had left me anw.......

 

 

Break ups are the product of both people....