69ways Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 5 years together and were engaged. She left me for stupid reasons and her depression was the major 9 months ago. Tried to move the earth to get her back, it failed. I have been not contacting her the last 4 months but she always initiated contact, saying I am the man of her life but its too late and she cant find better than me. The last month I had sms and calls which I ignored. yesterday I decided to answer to her just to find out she was just wondering how I was. I was short and firm. She soon text and started asking how I am. I said stop txt me as I see no point and dont want to be friends. She said she sees a point and that she likes to know how I am. I then said that I dont share the same view. The whole thing changed around when she started saying: You got a new girl right? She is there with you. What is her name? I replied I dont have a new girl. she went on to say she does not know why she feels this way. I left it there. Its the first time she shows so much interest in my personal life. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Farrah Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 You did everything right. Awesome. Shes on her way back just take it slow.Cause if you go fast she may get unsure again...Im planning on doing the same with my husband. Unfortunately there more to it he is cheating on me with multiple people when i caight him he never said sorry..but hey its worth a try. Realization time is TIME OUT TOTALLY...LOL.Otherwise he can take a hike.Im better than him and he is not worthy of me.But slowly but surely your disinterest is making her wonder keep going ur on track..lol 5 years together and were engaged. She left me for stupid reasons and her depression was the major 9 months ago. Tried to move the earth to get her back, it failed. I have been not contacting her the last 4 months but she always initiated contact, saying I am the man of her life but its too late and she cant find better than me. The last month I had sms and calls which I ignored. yesterday I decided to answer to her just to find out she was just wondering how I was. I was short and firm. She soon text and started asking how I am. I said stop txt me as I see no point and dont want to be friends. She said she sees a point and that she likes to know how I am. I then said that I dont share the same view. The whole thing changed around when she started saying: You got a new girl right? She is there with you. What is her name? I replied I dont have a new girl. she went on to say she does not know why she feels this way. I left it there. Its the first time she shows so much interest in my personal life. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 NC got me here, I actually started loosing interest of getting her back:laugh: But her strange behaviour puzzles me Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Good News: You did good by saying you don't want to be friends.... Bad News: She was just checking that no other girl had marked her backburner territory. Don't give info on your personal life at all. Great News: She has displayed how immature, jealous and vindictive she is because she has the audacity to question you having something new when she left you and now you can move on knowing you dodged a bullet...unless she grows the **** up. Superb News: You're not a wreck after contact because you're moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 I agree with you. Actually i am shocked she showed so much interest. She even believed the other one is next to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Any girl input to this would be most appreciated. A couple of months ago , she even told me she knows she knows she will not find better than me or a guy to love her more Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorhurting Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 If she wanted you back she would say it Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 If she wanted you back she would say it eeeeee, I believe I figured that out, I want to know why women do this and whats the purpose behind it, I am not asking if she wants me nack but thanks for the input. Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Hey man read my post. Its like identical to yours. If you find out what the hell she is doing let me know. lol I am just as confused as you I don't know if she wants me back or wants to keep me hanging. Still I keep pushing foreword with the new chick! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Hei man, good luck to you too, we will need it. Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 My opinion (a girl opinion) is this... She is not over you. Is that to say she wants you back? No idea. But she is clearly not over you, and probably hopes you aren't over her and that is why she is asking about other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorhurting Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Im sorry I didnt mean to be rough. Sure, shes probably not over you. But that doesn't mean anything I just didn't want you to fall into the trap of thinking that because shes not over you she could maybe want you back. Because from my personal experience, this has held me back from my healing. I know the guy i dated last is not over me. He would act the way your ex is acting and then when I asked him straight out if he wanted to be in a relationship he would say no. And then the pain would be fresh again and the healing would have to start again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Im sorry I didnt mean to be rough. Sure, shes probably not over you. But that doesn't mean anything I just didn't want you to fall into the trap of thinking that because shes not over you she could maybe want you back. Because from my personal experience, this has held me back from my healing. I know the guy i dated last is not over me. He would act the way your ex is acting and then when I asked him straight out if he wanted to be in a relationship he would say no. And then the pain would be fresh again and the healing would have to start again. Thanks both for the answers, there is not way in hell I am going to ask her if she wants me back. If she does , she has to put in the effort as she messed everything up and even cancelling our engagement. God knows how much I have suffered and is a shame we are not together but I made it clear to her: You made choices, which result to some side effects, you must be willing to live with them. No I dont have a gf but its pointless for you to keep calling or writing to me. I am not interested to know how you are or you knowing how I am. she came back to say she does not agree with me and its not pointless..... Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Don't ever tell them if you are or are not seeing anybody. Also, she said it's not pointless 'cus for her it isn't. Stop answering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Don't ever tell them if you are or are not seeing anybody. Also, she said it's not pointless 'cus for her it isn't. Stop answering. Ok, thank you Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 If she escalates when you stop answering then you can "give in" and ask her "What do you want?" if she says to "Talk to you." you say "About what?" and play it strong. She doesn't find it pointless because talking to you provides comfort to her for a reason she probably doesn't even understand. If she doesn't have a good reason to talk, you set a boundary, "I am not your friend. I will never be your friend and I have nothing to say to you." In your own words, obviously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 I did say that but I noticed that in previous discussions like this she reacted badly, this time not only she tried to point out the significance of us talking but also had the b.... to ask about my love life. I asked her in the past if she wanted to know if i date she never answered and suddenly after 9 months i got this. I did not ask her anything about her personal life. I dont want to get my hopes high but in my book 9 months after a break up , when you ask someone about their personal life it means you are wondering if you still got a chance or as some users nicely pointed out:She is not over me yet Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Tell her again and when she gets upset very nicely and calmly say, "It's not my problem." Of course she isn't over you. She hasn't made an active effort to do so. Respect yourself and enforce the boundaries you are entitled to. If she really bitches and moans, "It was your decision to break up and I don't have to answer to anybody but me." Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 A classic. You did well. I want to know why women do this and whats the purpose behind it It's emotional economics: the less love you supply, the more she demands it. The psychology runs something like this: if you don't pursue her after she broke up, she'll think that you think that she's below your league. And she'll believe your judgment rather than her own, so she'll think that you're above her range and therefore make a good catch. The moment you take her back, that magic disappears and she'll be off again in a few months. Confused? Nobody said it was easy. I actually went to the extreme to get her back. On her bd I travelled 4 hrs by plane to give her flowers and got the:You are selfish..... You believe because you brought flowers I will take you back? The last couple of months I just gave up and now I see a turnaround. She even ask to meet me a couple of months ago as I was going to be in her city for work. As I tried to change the ticket to see her, she run away again. I am NOT going to give up and ask her to meet me or take me back. If I am the man of her life as she still believes and because she messed up with her bad self confidence, she has to climb the fence to find me. Yes I made mistakes but I love her with every cell of my body and she knows it, thats why she says she will not find a guy to love her like me. she needs to work damn hard to win me back , even if I love her to death, she had her chances and as things are going, I see her in tears begging me one day or her falling in love and forgetting me........... Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Don't get too ahead of yourself. Do as I advised for now. If she ends up asking for you back. You say NO. Reason being, if she really wants you she'll beg or plead or both a little to which you still say no to that and friendship. If she's really serious she'll make contact again be light and flirty and try again and you still say no. Third time is the charm, haha. It's the only way to be sure and it builds a "f-u-c-k-ton" of attraction I was told this by Homebrew and have had a few others echo the sentiment. I believe it and I think you would do well to atleast think about it for if the time comes. Meanwhile, continue healing and moving on. ENFORCE your boundaries so you can do this. Let whatever else happens, happen. You are number one and the most important person in your life. Never forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Don't get too ahead of yourself. Do as I advised for now. If she ends up asking for you back. You say NO. Reason being, if she really wants you she'll beg or plead or both a little to which you still say no to that and friendship. If she's really serious she'll make contact again be light and flirty and try again and you still say no. Third time is the charm, haha. It's the only way to be sure and it builds a "f-u-c-k-ton" of attraction I was told this by Homebrew and have had a few others echo the sentiment. I believe it and I think you would do well to atleast think about it for if the time comes. Meanwhile, continue healing and moving on. ENFORCE your boundaries so you can do this. Let whatever else happens, happen. You are number one and the most important person in your life. Never forget that. Thanks man, hope she comes to that but she is so unpredictable after we broken up , I just loose track..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 69ways Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks man, hope she comes to that but she is so unpredictable after we broken up , I just loose track..... BTW she disappeared again as I believed she would..... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts