Dumped one week before the wedding

[Lonely_lonely]

He left me for someone else , one week before the wedding!!!

 

Our wedding , that we spend 1 year planning

 

He left me after 4 years together ..for somebody he barely knew ..

 

He dumped me over text , just like that , left me in shock .

 

I begged him to stay with me , horrible mistake I made , I cried , begged , made a fool out of my self ..

 

Then

 

 

He called me on the what was supposed to be our wedding day , telling me that he will always love me??!!! Wtf

 

I told him to leave me alone , but he wouldn't , he would call me or text me every week or 2 saying that he misses me and love me still..

 

I decided to not take his calls anymore , and do the " No contact" thing

 

He would send me messeges asking me why I'm not picking up

 

I still ignored , I felt strong doing that , but deep inside I feel hurt , used , unwanted , rejected ....

 

Anyways now he disappeared , I haven't heard from him anymore ..

 

I want him back ...should I contact him ?

Edited February 15, 2012 by Lonely_lonely
Misspelling

[Philosoraptor]

There is not enough information here. But it doesn't seem like he was ready for marriage. He already had this person in mind and jumped safely to her.

 

No you should not make contact. I would go a step further and upon reading this go and get your number changed. He is trying to relieve his guilt and that is not your job to do for him. I'm terribly sorry for this but he does not seem like he was mature enough to handle marriage nor his own emotions if he jumped to whomever he could.

[Lonely_lonely]

I'm really sad , I'm confused , I don't know what to do , I'm losing my mind , I lost 10 pounds in 10 days , I'm not eating , sleeping , can't do anything

 

He still got us as " engaged" on Facebook , still got our pictures up there

 

It's been 2 months since the breakup

 

I didn't expect it at all , he promised me the world , he loved me to death and did everything for me , everything was perfect!

 

 

The very same day he called the wedding off , he was telling me that he loves me and that he is so excited about the marriage

 

 

I'm very hurt , I loved him and I gave my life to him , and he did me like that!!!

[CaliBabe]

I think what he did was horrific. To leave you like that after all those years you loved and dedicated your time and life to. At this point, as painful as it may be, I think you need to let him go. If you two were to ever reconcile, would you ever be able to trust him? Trust that he never would run off with another woman again? I mean that is a slap in the face, total disrespect. You deserve better than that. Be strong.

[Lonely_lonely]

I'm feeling desperate , I'm not sure that I still want him or why ..

 

I need to be strong , I know that , I need to let him go , but it seems very hard

 

I have men who wants me and always talking to me and wants to take me out on dates and trips and all that , but I brush them off and still think of my ex

 

Is there anything I can do to get him out of my mind ?

 

Any tips ?

 

Please help

[Graceful]

I'm feeling desperate , I'm not sure that I still want him or why ..

 

I need to be strong , I know that , I need to let him go , but it seems very hard

 

I have men who wants me and always talking to me and wants to take me out on dates and trips and all that , but I brush them off and still think of my ex

 

Is there anything I can do to get him out of my mind ?

 

Any tips ?

 

Please help

 

Sounds like your ex went completely off the rails. By that I mean, he cracked. This is not the behavior of a normal, functioning adult. I think you know that.

 

He can't be trusted and you can't let him back into your life. That's a recipe for disaster and heartache all over again.

 

He was living a lie. All was fine until the bitter end -- he called off the wedding in the 11th hour when he knew it was do or die for you, and he backed down.

 

He does not take you, your life, his commitment to you, or anything about your planned life together seriously, and the only thing you can do is stay NC and know that under no circumstances, can you ever accept him back into your life.

 

There has to be more to the story than this ... I don't know, if it was all that perfect, he must have been the consummate actor. All the more reason to never trust him again.

 

I hope you are holding him responsible for taking the hit for any non-refundable deposits that were made for the wedding -- he needs to pay up financially, if nothing more, and I'd be prepared to take him to court if I were you, threaten him if you have to with a letter warning him of litigation, if he does not return some of that lost money. That is the tip of the iceberg, I realize, but for crying out loud, he's a louse and he (at the very least) needs to pay for the financial hit.

 

This is a traumatic experience for you, so consider getting into counselling to work through your emotions. This isn't just a breakup, it's much more than that, and you need to fully process your emotions (and not even entertain the advances of other guys right now ... yeesh, that's out of the question) and try to grasp what has happened.

 

Very sorry to hear this, but as hard as it is to accept, you're lucky he did this now and didn't wait until you'd been married for a few months. Cold comfort, I know, but take heart, it actually could have been worse.

[Lonely_lonely]

Graceful

 

Thank you so much for your post , the thing is that there is no more to the story, it was just like that .

 

He paid for EVERYTHING related to the wedding , and he refused for me to pay for anything ,He even flew my parents And 2 brothers and other guests from Canada ! he bought me a car and a house as a gift for our engagment! registered under my name only !

He said he don't do rings , and "rings don't show strong commitment" that's why he got me the car and the house , to show me that he is so serious about us .

 

Everything was like so good to be true , i was the luckiest woman on earth , or thats how i felt , he was the sweetest lover ever , everybody thought of us like the Romeo and Juliette of these days!

 

I'm 27 years old , and he is 30

 

I'm real devastated , like I was living a lie !

 

He is a spoiled boy and always been but I never expected anything like this

 

I want to give him the house the car the jewelery all the things he got me back , but I don't know why he kept contacting me even thought he has a "gf"

 

Why he still has us as engaged on Facebook , why he is acting weird

 

Why he disappeared

 

Why is this even matters to me after he did what he did , I'm so ashamed of my self and if front of everybody

 

My family are being very supportive and they are telling me that everything happens for a reason

 

I just don't see what that reason could be

 

How can we be high on love for 4 years then suddenly he drops me like that

 

How someone can be that crule

[Graceful]

Graceful

 

Thank you so much for your post , the thing is that there is no more to the story, it was just like that .

 

He paid for EVERYTHING related to the wedding , and he refused for me to pay for anything ,He even flew my parents And 2 brothers and other guests from Canada ! he bought me a car and a house as a gift for our engagment! registered under my name only !

He said he don't do rings , and "rings don't show strong commitment" that's why he got me the car and the house , to show me that he is so serious about us .

 

Lonely,

This is truly extraordinary. I've never seen anything quite like it myself. The only broken engagement stories I've ever read on LS usually have the person here admitting that the relationship was fraught with problems to begin with ... with you, this does not seem to be at all the case.

 

He bought you a car, and a house and paid for all the wedding expenses? He must be very well set financially by the age of 30 ... do you know if he is in serious debt or can he really afford such expenses?

 

Of course you are hurting. This is like a major sucker punch to your gut and you did not see it coming. How could you? He must be living a very duplicitous life, and be a master of deception.

 

Usually, at some point, when someone is living a life of deception, they finally crack. They call it "the mask falling" because it is like he was wearing a mask all this time, being one way with you, and another in other parts of his life. Some people go on like this for years and years, having affairs and then coming home to their spouses as though there is nothing going on. They are pathological liars, they know no other way to live. It is how they control their own world. Yes, it is cruel, but that is not how your ex is viewing his behavior. He has no empathy for you. He can only think in terms of himself. He has no clue how much you are hurting.

 

There is NOTHING for you to be ashamed of, so please, try to rid yourself of any shame you feel. You did nothing wrong. Of course, it is logical that you are ashamed of his behavior, but it does not reflect on you at all. Focus on getting support from you family and friends, going to counselling for a while, and healing from this traumatic experience. It's only been a week. Reaching out like this ... kudos to you. You're doing all you can do right now, just make sure you never allow your ex back into your life. Keep all the strength that you have to focus on yourself. You're going to make it, I have a good feeling about you, I really do. Take care, honey.

[fetish1980]

lonley lonely

 

Ouch. What a horrifying story. You must still be in shock. You must have something going on to still be pulling guys who want to date you. You may not be ready for that now, but in time, be more open to dating these new guys. I'm not saying that should make you feel worthy, but it should instill something knowing that there are other people who want you, thus easing that "unwanted" feeling you describe.

 

Eventually, things will begin to fizzle out with this new gf of his and he'll come crawling back. Believe me, you'll end up having the last laugh!

In the mean time. Take this difficult time to lean on family and go see a therapist immediately. Nothing is wrong with you if you do. Matter fact, taking a hard hit like this, I think is a bit much for the average person. Counseling/Therapy is definitely needed.

 

Remember, this whole thing isn't saying anything about you as a person. It's really saying that he's a fuc%%n d%%k, selfish, and unstable. That would have brought you a life full of pain that you didn't need. You may not feel this at all right now, but you'll see in time, he did you a favor.

 

Stay strong and be blessed.

 

fetish

Edited February 15, 2012 by fetish1980

[Lonely_lonely]

@Graceful : he comes from a rich family and he got his own company , and no he is not not in debt ,thank you so much for your words , they make me see hope and feel stronger .

 

@fetish : thank you , I think I do need help, because I'm losing my mind , I feel he ruined my life

 

 

But should I see a lawyer first so I can give him the house and the car back ?

 

Is there any way I can do that without dealing with him?

 

I'm clueless about all that stuff .

 

Should I even do that ?

 

I keep drinking ,I feel like I'm self distrusting my self

 

I keep thinking of what went wrong , and how he could do that to me

 

He called me an hour ago , left a voice mail , asking me if I want to "hung out" with him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

GOD HELP ME

[Dark Phoenix]

Ok! Now, I am going to tell you something and this entire forum is going to explode on me

 

But this is GIGS.

 

One of the biggest reasons people do this is because they wake up one day and real life hits them hardcore.

 

I can give you an explanation for his behavior for all of his actions currently and why he's acting like this.

 

Lonely_lonely, this has nothing to do with you as a person at all. This has to do with him. Right now something inside of him broke and he split or for use of a better term, torn.

 

Can I ask you, did he typically bottle things up? Afraid of confrontation or expressing himself with more then happy sad?

[Graceful]

@Graceful : he comes from a rich family and he got his own company , and no he is not not in debt ,thank you so much for your words , they make me see hope and feel stronger .

But should I see a lawyer first so I can give him the house and the car back ?

 

Is there any way I can do that without dealing with him?

 

I'm clueless about all that stuff .

 

Most of us are clueless about "this stuff" until we are touched with it in our lives ... and then we learn.

 

You really need to discuss these matters with your family. As far as I know, in the case of an engagement ring, that is considered a gift and therefore, a woman does not need to return that in the case of broken engagement (unless of course, she decides to do so on her own ... but since it was a gift, it is her property and is not obligated to return it). In the case of a car, as you know, you have to insure it, pay all expenses on it for maintenance, and you need to be able to afford those expenses. Same with a house ... sure, an amazing "gift" but as far as maintenance, insurance, utilities, and all the responsibilities that go with it ... you'd be on your own, and that's a bit daunting since you would be living there alone.

 

So discuss all of these matters with your parents. Get advice from an attorney, sure, and make an informed decision. Don't do anything rash. This is all too sudden.

 

As for your ex, don't waste any time analyzing him or worrying about what sent him over the edge. What's done is done. He cannot be trusted and that is not the way to conduct a relationship, let alone a marriage. He has no concern for you, if he did, this never would have happened. He is not a child, he is a 30-year old man, if he felt the need to break his engagement to you, that's all you need to know. This is not what a mature, stable man does to the woman he loves and wants to marry. Believe me, it's a waste of energy that you cannot spare right now. Take care of YOU, you come first, you're the one that matters, and get the support you need. You're in for a long journey, don't get ahead of yourself. One step at a time. Blessings, and take care, honey.

[Ajax]

Lonely_lonely,

 

There's not a whole lot I can add to what others have said, but sympathize. Fortunately, you've got some great advice here. Graceful's quite wise, and when she weighs in you can be sure it's good stuff.

 

And while I don't always agree with Dark Phoenix, I think he has some good points here. I think GIGS might be a misapplication in terms, but I think it's safe to say your ex fiance has some serious commitment issues. It's especially evident since he asked you to hang out. He can't commit to being with you, but he can't commit to letting you go either.

 

It might be helpful to do some research into Commitment-Phobia. When a breakup is new we all feel the need to understand why the person we love left. But eventually we realize that doing so is like a fish out of water gasping to breathe air (pardon the imagery). Wanting to "know" is instinctual, but eventually you find that it's self defeating. We have to go back into the water (our own world) and give up looking for answers. Even when an ex gives us answers, you never know how much is the truth and they're seldom satisfying.

 

Acceptance and healing are the goals, but everyone reaches them at different paces. And it's a journey. You can always lean on people here. Vent away. Gripe about what he's done. Let it out. And as others have said, lean on family and don't hesitate to seek therapy if you feel you could benefit from it. A breakup like this is traumatic. Give yourself the best chance to move on.

Edited February 16, 2012 by Ajax

[EgoJoe]

I also have the same views with regard to not always agreeing with (nice way of saying it) DP/Wilson however....today I watched a documentary about Joe Namath and his young wife left him to "see the world".

 

So, the whole rumspringer, sow the oats, wanderlust and all that jazz...there is something to it. I think it is a modern cultural phenomenon. In a social evolution, we move up socially etc. but...it depends on what is "up" to you. Here Joe Namath was the man...and finally settled down to being super family man and his ex-wife did not like that after a while.

 

To the OP: Cry your eyes out until you're sick of it. Then, hit the gym, see a therapist, old friend and avoid alcohol.

 

You're not alone, time will heal and dull this pain. One day you'll wake up a-ok.

[Lonely_lonely]

What GIGS means ? Sorry I'm not familiar with such abbreviations

 

I can take care of the house and car my self , did I mention we have a joint bank account that got plenty of money in it too ??!!! ( his money )

 

He left another voice mail asking me if I'm ok and if I want to go to ' Japan ' with him for a week ?!

 

Why he is doing me like this , what he wants from me , he dumped me , why he keep trying to talk to me

[Lonely_lonely]

Thank you for telling me what ' gigs' means

 

I'm Going to seek therapy , But I feel like I can't even get out of bed , I have no energy to do anything :-(

[Cocollective]

Wow! This is like a movie plot! I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you!

 

Firstly 1 week before the wedding day!! He must have been steeling himself up to do it for ages, but that's still inexcusable!

 

Secondly, by TEXT message? That's also inexcusable.

 

I agree, seek a counsellor, seek legal advice, find support from your family and I'd say not to take him back. I agree that he has lots of issues he needs to deal with right now and the best thing you can do for him is to work them out without you in the picture.

 

My 2c

Rich

[fetish1980]

I also have the same views with regard to not always agreeing with (nice way of saying it) DP/Wilson however....a-ok.

 

Dark Phoenix is Wilson?

 

fetish

[Dark Phoenix]

Dark Phoenix is Wilson?

 

fetish

 

Yup

 

Just FYI there's a lot of "grey" area on op's side of the post too.

 

A lot of people missed one significant line of her post. Let's just say she was first through the "burn out" gates

[stillafool]

I'm so sorry for you. You need to ask your Mom and Dad to help you make decisions regarding the house, money and car. You do know now that he must have been cheating on you the entire time. Have your phone numbers and any other contact information changed immediately so you don't hear from him. This will help tremendously in your recovery.

[Wesker]

Holy crap. I would love for this to happen to my ex..ha

 

Being serious though, I can't imagine how hard this for you. Looking at it from a guy's perspective, I'll wager that since he came from a rich family, and is pretty much loaded. He didn't want to settle down with 1 woman yet. The ole Rich & Single bachelor. Think Bruce Wayne, but without the Batman persona. He's pathetic, and a coward either way though. Let him have his money, and different slore's. In the end, he'll be a lonely old guy.

[madball2289]

Think about it this way, do you really want to be with some who just bailed a week before one the most important days of your life via text??!!? After years he left you days before "the day" that was supposed to bond you two together for the rest of your lives. He doesn't deserve any of your thoughts, tears, or any emotions at all. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you, but this guy seems as low as it gets. Not worth your time.