Mr Scorpio Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 I've been stressed as of late about a lot of things. Thinking about my ex has been one of them. I thought writing it all out might give me perspective. You'll need popcorn and a bathroom break to make it through this one. Here goes: I met my ex online in 1992. I was 13 and she was 14. We took to chatting and became decent friends, although because we lived on opposite sides of town, the only time we saw each other was when the online bulletin board we were members of had social gatherings. She was funny, gorgeous, and kind. She wrote me letters -- one of which I still have to this day -- and sent me pictures. I was totally smitten, but i never thought in a million years we'd be more than friends. Fast forward to 1998. She left the area to go off to college. I figured that was the last I would ever hear from her, but to my surprise, she wrote me X-Mas cards and would call when she was in town so we could hang out with her siblings and her BF. I had nothing but strong platonic feelings for her at this point. Then, in 2000, she wrote me a 'catching up' e-mail, subtle mentioning that she had been thinking a lot about me lately. Later that week, she called and asked if she could come -- from across the other side of the state -- to hang out with me for the weekend. She was having some relationship troubles and needed to get away. At that point, I had never been in a relationship and was rather awkward around women in general. However, she made her intentions very clear right from the get-go that she needed/wanted physical affection. She was touchy-feel, but nothing really came of it. We talked a little bit online over the following week, but nothing along the lines of a "having a relationship" discussion. Then, she showed up unannounced at my work that weekend, having made another 3 hour drive, and hung out until my shift was done. This time, she was much more assertive. She escalated the situation until the next thing you know. At that point, her then-BF freaked out and told her he wanted her out of their shared apartment. Then, I freaked out because she had worked very hard in school to get where she was, and I was in no position to move to be with her. I didn't want her risking her goals because of me. So, although she visited two more times, nothing physical came of it. I encouraged her to patch things back up with her BF. She did, and part of that meant having no contact with me. About four months after that, I really started thinking about the situation and about her. I fell head-over-heels in love with her. She was everything I wanted in a woman. I had to have her. Nevertheless, I was still in no position to move across state, and she was busy finishing up undergrad. Three years later, after suffering the death of my mother, I was lonely and distraught. I eventually got her e-mail address and made contact with her. She was working through grad-school, still dating the same-guy, and I was still a sore topic between the two of them. However, she was planning to go to a music festival that I was attending. Her BF didn't want to go, as he had a fear of large crowds. She didn't want to go with him because she didn't think she'd have as much fun with him moping around. She wanted to go with me! At that point, I not only told her that I wanted to go, but I poured my heart out about everything else. How I knew we were a perfect fit. How I knew we would make a great couple. Her response was that, once her BF found out she was going to go with me, he insisted on coming along. and that, although things between them weren't perfect, they were good and that she didn't see a future for "us". Nevertheless, for the first time in three-years I got to hang out with my dream-girl. We spent probably eight hours together, dancing and watching bands while her BF sat six feet away moping in the Summer heat. The next year, she was in the area, so she called my house and asked if she could come over. Once there, she said that she would probably be breaking up with her BF of seven-years and that she "shouldn't" even be hanging out with me. Although I later found out that she did break up with the BF, she quickly started dating a new guy. I was devastated to say the least. So now we're in 2005. She's finished grad-school and is doing her clinical experience back on "my" side of the state. Instead of being three-hours away, she was only thirty-five minutes away but still isn't single. We hung out at her place one evening and had a great time. I invited her to come to a wedding with me and she accepted the invite. I got to slow dance with her, I got to spend hours with her, I got to sleep in the same bed with her. I was ecstatic. Then, a few weeks later, she showed up unexpected at my work. I figured she was just in the area and stopped by to say hi. Unfortunately, she was there because she wanted me to hear it from her before anyone else, that she was going to start dating one of my friends that she met at the wedding! I was a zombie for weeks. Here was this woman who -- right or wrong -- I had been obsessed with for five years, who was a professional with a masters degree, and she was dating a guy who worked at a liquor store. She called it "having fun while waiting for Mr. Right". I not only had to shut her out of my life altogether, I had to stopped hanging out with a large part of my social circle. Then, a funny thing happened. There was a NYE party scheduled to go down at my house. She wanted them to spend NYE hanging out with her family. He wanted to spend NYE at the party, and he figured -- correctly so -- that she would not be welcome. It turned out I was out-of-town at a concert that night anyhow, but she sure as hell wouldn't have been welcome. In the end, he went to the party while she hung out with her family. The seed was planted. February 4, 2006, she called me. I didn't answer and she didn't leave a message. I walked out my front-door to head down the street to get some food, and there was her car. She followed me to the restaurant and asked if we could talk. I told her that I wasn't interested. She responded that she had driven all the way from her hometown just to talk to me. She said that she missed our friendship and wanted to know why we couldn't go back to being friends. "Because I dont want to be just your friend..." We went back to my house and she broke down crying. She said that she couldn't live up to the standards that I had set for her, that she wasn't the amazing person that I thought she was. I assured her that she was. We went out to eat, came back to my place and talked until the middle of the night, falling asleep in each others arms. What followed were the best 2 years of my life. Finally, after five years of waiting, I had her. She was the happy ending to my movie. We did everything together and loved it: sunsets on the beach, an endless summer at the waterpark, several music festivals. As it stands, those are the memories I'll conjour up on my deathbed. After a year-and-a-half, we moved in together. We never fought. I was a bit lonely at times not having so much free time, but it was still great. We had "our" Christmas tree. We had "our" Christmas party. March 25, 2008, I walked downstairs to find her on the couch. She said she didn't feel well and left work early. Then came the words every guy fears, "we need to talk...". There was no strike one or strike two. She was a professional with a great career that she had always dreamed of. Her siblings were getting married and having kids. I was in grad-school, but I still had years to go, and wasn't sure what I wanted to do for a living. I stayed up late playing video games. I slept in because I worked a 2nd shift-ish job. I was nowhere near ready to support a family or share in a home loan. Strike three. We spent one more night together in "our bed", me wishing that she would accidentally roll over and bump into me, wishing that I could hold her just one time more. After that, she slept on a pull-out in the basement. Two days later I was sleeping in a tiny room at a friend's house. I slept on a small section piece of a couch with a chair facing toward me so I could stretch out my legs. I fell asleep at 3am and woke up at 5am. It was hell. I spent years wishing for this woman, neglecting studies and not planning for the future because having her was the only thing that mattered. At that point, I discovered loveshack and NC. NC it was! She called and left a few messages about wanting to hang out at a festival or asking about bill payments, etc for our old apartment. She broke NC a year later to ask if I wanted to hang-out at a music festival that she assumed I was going to. At one point, I ran into her at a different festival, standing five feet from her, but she didn't see me. February 2010, my phone rings around 11:30pm on a Saturday night, and her name is on the caller ID. She said that she had been in town and was driving somewhat close by where I was living at the time. She said that she hoped we could talk/e-mail soon and wished me well. A call? At 11:30? On a Saturday night? In other words, a big blinking red neon sign that says "I'm single". Over the next few weeks we exchanged a few e-mails and caught up on the basics. While she wasn't explicit, I knew that she was single, but I was in no rush to get my heart crushed again. That is, until I was hanging out with "the fellas" one night, and the friend of mine who she had dated after the wedding, told me that she had tried to visit him at work, but he hid when he saw her getting out of her car. So, I called her the next day. After a 45-minute conversation, she invited me up to her place. My soul exploded and I hopped into my car. Hanging out was just like old times, not awkward at all. After about six hours I checked my phone to see what time it was. She noticed and said "got somewhere you need to be?". I explained that I had to work in about ten hours and would need some sleep. That was when she suggested that we play strip poker. "It doesn't mean anything, we're not back together, but we can have some fun". I'd later find out that the guy she left me for two years back turned out to be gay! That one night became two when she called me again ten days later. Then again that Friday, and then that Saturday, and then every Tuesday and every weekend. After a few weeks, the questions started coming up: "so how long do you have left in school?", "so where are you planning on living?", "are you still opposed to having children?". Maybe I should have dove right back in. Maybe I should have thrown caution to the wind. But damnit, I had been dumped the first time with virtually no warning. She explained that she had learned that, while dating a "professional guy" looks good on paper, it doesn't mean anything if there is "no connection". We weren't official, but we spent every Tuesday and every weekend together. I hung out with her and her friends/family. We went to another music festival, just like old times. And then, her patience wore out. While at a party amongst mutual friends, she decided to "incentivize" me to make a commitment. She ignored me and flirted with another guy, right in-front of me, for a good five hours. It worked. Now, I was back to panic mode, thinking "oh god what have I done?! I'm an idiot!". She told me that she had grown tired of waiting and that she had a profile on "match". I didn't have a great reason for not accepting her overtures to reunite other than my fear. So, for weeks on end, I twisted in the wind while she met who-knows-who online. We still hung out on Tuesdays and weekends, but now it was awkward. After a few weeks of this, she called me on a Wednesday, a night we didn't normally hang out. She asked if I could come up because we should "talk". So, I drove up, not knowing what to expect. Would she really have me drive forty-minutes to shatter my heart? I got to her place and we sat down on her deck. She said that first, she wanted to thank me for being so cool and kind to her over the past few months. She said that, as I knew, she had been meeting a lot of guys online, and that she met one who she had a lot in common with. They liked the same bands, had been to the same music festivals, and he was really interesting... ...but there was no connection, and she decided what she really wanted was me! A second chance! THE SECOND CHANCE! NINE YEARS after I fell in love with her! She said the career didn't matter, the money didn't matter, it was just "me" that she wanted! I shed some happy tears, we went back inside her place and had some drinks to celebrate, and fell asleep in each others arms. We celebrated her birthday together at a concert. We celebrated my birthday a week later on the beach. She asked what kind of a wedding I would want. She said to let her sister know if she needed to start go ring shopping. Soon after, she had a wedding/family reunion to attend on the other side of the country. She asked if I could go, but I wasn't in much of a position to afford the ticket. So, we'd spend a week apart. Then... came the distance. Her enthusiasm declined. Her passion subsided. The night before I was to drive her to the airport, the night before we were going to be apart for ten days, she showed up at my place around 11pm. We had to get up to go to the airport at 8pm. Bad. Omen. As I dropped her off, I had a bad feeling. A very bad feeling. She said that I looked like I was about to cry and said "you know I'm coming back right?". I didn't say anything about my fears. I kissed her goodbye and she got on the plane. That night, she called me to let me know she made it in safely. The next night, she called to say that she missed me and loved me. The next night, I called her and got her voicemail. The same thing the next night. And the night after that. By that point I was losing sleep and not eating. Then, the next day I ran into her on Facebook. She claimed that she had been "too busy" running people to and from airports, organizing events, and playing with her nieces and nephews to give me a five-minute call or a two-line email. After doing her best to reassure me, she logged out, then logged right back in to tell me that she had a confession. She loved me but wasn't in love with me. She claimed that she didn't know for sure that she had spent enough time on match meeting other guys. She didn't know for sure what else was out there. She claimed that we were just like any other couple, waiting to see if things worked out. I logged off and cried myself to sleep. I cried myself to work the next day. I cried myself over some cocktails the next night. Then, she got back into town. She arranged for her sister to pick her up at the airport instead of me, which was the original plan. I took all the stuff that she had at my place and put it in her car. She called me and asked if I wanted to have dinner that night. Before going up to her place, I stopped and had a couple of beers, steeling my nerve for what was to come. When I arrived, she acted as though everything was normal. She kissed me at the door. She sat and told me all about her vacation and reunion and how much fun she had. She noted how sad I looked. She then told me that, one of the guys she had met on match had arranged to her to volunteer at a nearby music festival we had planned on attending in exchange for a free ticket. So, one day after getting back into town, she'd be leaving to go to the festival -- and she didn't want me with her. She wanted "alone time". Then, as we left to go get dinner, we kissed deeply, and she tasted the liquor from the beers. A switch flipped in her brain. "I thought you'd be excited to see me?! But you had time to stop and drink alone?! I thought you'd be happy, but now you're all mopey!" She was angry at me for being sad. Sad that after eighteen years of knowing her, eleven years of loving her, and two years after losing her, I was going to lose her again. She made it clear that she was not happy. She made it clear that there would be no sex that night. She made it clear that she didn't want me hanging out with her at the festival. Despite having said a few weeks ago that she missed me after a few days apart, she now claimed I had been smothering her. We spent a few hours playing games and talking. I tried to enjoy myself, fully suspecting that this was the last time I'd ever get to hang-out with her, but I couldn't. I couldn't believe how quickly she had gone from talking about marriage to not wanting me to be around her. We went to bed, but I never slept the entire night. I hung out with her for a few hours before she left to go to the festival for the weekend, and I drove back home, expecting the worst. She said she wasn't sure how many days she'd spend at the festival, but that she'd call me when she got back. The call came Monday morning and went to my voicemail. She left the message that no man wants to hear "we need to talk". I prefered to get dumped on facebook where she couldn't hear my voice. I logged in, and her relationship status had already switched to my replacement. It turns out that she, while she chose me, she never stopped talking to the other guys she met on match. She decided to meet one of them in person, intentionally keeping me at bay. She fell in love "at first sight", and that was that. She stopped by my place a few days later to drop off stuff I had been keeping at her place and didn't need: toothpaste, toothbrush, deorderant. I hugged her for one last time, cried, and she drove off to go be happy. She wrote me six-weeks later to apologize for hurting me, to let me know she was thinking of me, and to wish me well. She wrote me again three months later to ask how I was doing and said "hopefully I'll hear from you soon". She broke NC again last November, writing at 1:00am to say that she wanted me to know that she had been thinking about "me" and "us" a lot lately, and that she missed "me" and "us". I replied a few days later, asking what it was that she missed. She listed somethings. I replied listing somethings. And that was the last I've ever heard from her. I broke NC last week to let her know that I still think about her when I'm facing adversity, as in addition to everything I've written, she is one of the most intelligent, determined, and enduring people I've ever known. Not a day goes by that I dont replay some portion of it all in my mind. I spent so many years infatuated, setting aside working on myself. In the end, not working on myself cost me the very thing I was fretting over. Maybe if I had jumped right back in before she joined the dating site. Maybe if I had chosen a career sooner. Maybe if I had moved across the state to be with her back in 2000. Maybe not. And that is my epically long story. 1
daisy088 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Honestly reading this took my mind off my own heart ache! I am a woman (and the dumpee) and I can tell you- this woman is using you for your kind heart. She is a narcissist most likely (sorry if that hurts to hear) and constantly needs reassurance and a man to love her= writing you when things with these other men dont work out/turn stale. Dont give her her "supply." You sound like such a loving person. This woman, although she may not be a bad person and probably damaged, is bad news. Obviously at this point you know in your heart you need to forget her and move on. I would advise you take a deep breath and block her on all front of communication. She will continue to come back to you and use you for reassurance/rebounding. You deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love the ex. You wont ever find that if you continue to communicate with her. I would advise you face the pain, block her, and begin dating others within a few months even if its scary/uncomfortable at first. Develop hobbies. You sound like a great guy and Im sure it must be so hard to let this go, but it doesn't sound like you have any other choice... Im so sorry for your loss
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Christ on a Bike, DUDE!!! You've pretty much WASTED your ENTIRE adult life being strung along by this chick! Time to cut the cord and make some massive changes that makes it almost impossible for her to contact you again. She was just cooling her heels with you until she thought she found something better and when that something better was as good as she thought."Well, I'll just call my puppy dog that's on stand-by!" Dude, she has been USING and ABUSING you for years!!!!! Change your phone number! MOVE!!! Cancel your Facebook account and twitter account, erase yourself from the face of the planet! 1
wilsonx Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Epic Friend Zone... He allowed himself to be used... Its not her fault, she told him she was on dating websites and dating other people 2
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Epic Friend Zone... He allowed himself to be used... Its not her fault, she told him she was on dating websites and dating other people I agree, but it still doesn't change the fact that she used him and she knew damn well that she was. Which, in of itself, is cruel and speaks of her character. But, he did allow it to happen. Only wish he followed this site sooner.
wilsonx Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) 2 people using each other isnt one person using another. Takes 2 to tango. He played along. People are responsible for their own actions and how they choose to be used and how the choose to feel. She had clear boundaries every time, he didnt. He just tagged along instead of standing up for himself I do empathize with him though and understand his frustration and hurt Edited April 27, 2012 by wilsonx 3
TooNice91 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Damn. ( from only reading the second half of that) .....Atleast you can go have a threesome now? Sorry, it's the only good thing I could think of saying :/ you seem like such a great guy, remember: karma's a bitch.
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Well, there's a fine line with playing along and being strung along. She knew exactly what buttons to push and extactly what breadcrumbs to toss. Your right. the problem is he greedly ate them up and was on stand-by for anymore that came his way. Perphaps some serious self esteem issues.
Philosoraptor Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 My question is simply... why do you think you can't do better? And I agree, he was in control of his every action. Once you're an adult you can't blame anyone for anything. You make choices and sometimes we make bad ones. She might have been a user, but he allowed it and kept playing along. As easy as it would have been for me to bury my ex for controlling me, I know I allowed it. And as far as she pushed me, I made the choice to makes changes that I was unhappy with. 1
Author Mr Scorpio Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I would advise you face the pain, block her, and begin dating others within a few months even if its scary/uncomfortable at first. Develop hobbies. You sound like a great guy and Im sure it must be so hard to let this go, but it doesn't sound like you have any other choice... Im so sorry for your loss Thank you for your kind words. The reason -- at least the reason I tell myself -- that I never blocked all communication from her is because we were very good friends for so long -- 14 years -- before dating. I'd like to think that someday we could be friends again. As for dating other people, I don't really see that as a choice. I'm one of those people who graduated from college and got nothing from it but debt. I haven't met too many women looking for 32 year olds who make $800 a month. On top of that, my time is severely limited by two-part time jobs and grad school. Thus, my long-winded rant. Still, it is nice to know that there are people out there who will listen.
Tiera D Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 i wasted 8 months waiting my ex and i thought i was an idiot -.-" .. Dude,let me make a sketch plan for u,i think ur current priorities should be 1)forget her ( u had to she is ruining ur life) 2)Advance in ur career,be innovative be creative do anything to climb up ( i think u should invest ur time in career at this point) Trust me,when u had a stable income,u can get girls dont worry,make urself a 5-year plan (list goals that u had missed out these years and complete them) You need to fight for ur career now believe u can do it and u will prevail.GL TD
leoc1973 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Dude you fell in love and gave your whole heart to someone that was using you as mr right now while looking for mr right. Don't keep replaying anything. No matter what forks in the road you took it still would have brought you to the same destination. She just simply never felt for you the way you felt for her. Wedding plans or not she was still talking to other guys. The question I have is what is this you don't want kids and she did? Well come on you can't expect her to give up on a family if you didn't want one and she did. I am going to tell you what WilsonX told me when I came on this site many months ago. I kept babbling on about how gorgeous smart perfect funny sexy and whatever adjective I could muster to describe the perfect woman my ex was. Grow some balls and stop wining about how the odds are stacked against you and she is so perfect. Take her off the pedistal. When I first came on this site I guess I was looking for a bunch of pity and I was getting it. I was telling my story and everyone was giving me the same old lines "you deserve so much better" "She don't deserve you, you sound like such a great guy" "aww poor guy your ex sounds like an idiot" I could go on and on. But when Wilson told me to stop wining and grow some balls. I took it very serious and to heart. I googled and googled every thing I could "how to be an alpha" "how to get over my ex" (instead of how to get her back) "how do I break the hold she has on me" and on and on and on. I read for hours every night and realized she is just a girl with issues like every other girl and she was not a supermodel like I had her made out to be. I also realized she was a narcissist and loved herself so much that she had me brainwashed that she was perfect. In the end my ex was a gold digger that moved on to the big city to find herself a rich guy as I am not loaded with money either. I took her off the pedistal and now feel that she isn't good enough for me. I met a girl that is prettier smarter funnier and just gets me. I get butterflies when I know she is coming over. Still after months. Every once in a while I feel a little insecure that I don't make enough money and make little comments like I need to find a better job or I need a second or part time job or I gotta finish school. And the answer that this girl who is my dream girl gives me is Work to live don't live to work. She tells me that as long as the bills are paid and we have each other thats all that matters. My ex now wants me back by the way. She found out that good looking single guys with money are mostly dicks. Or else they would probably be married. Stop worrying that you don't make enough cash or that your ex is too good for you or you will never find anyone else as good because it does happen! One day you will wake up next to your real dream girl and realize what emotional blender this girl put you through. You really sound like a good guy and any "normal" girl would probably feel blessed to have you! Finish up school and take care of yourself and remember that its hard for someone to love you if you don't love yourself. This girl said jump and you asked how high and it was never high enough. When you think of her smile and say to yourself. "I hope she is happy bacause I really loved her and I hope she found a guy that cherished her as much as I did" Then think of something else. Here is the Kick in the nuts Wilson gave me. "grow some emotional balls, Fix your life and find a girl that can give you her whole heart not 49% of it!" 1
Author Mr Scorpio Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 My question is simply... why do you think you can't do better? My answer is simply because no other woman whom I've been even remotely attracted too -- much less one with whom I had a great connection -- has given me the time of day. I've tried dating websites: zilch. I've tried approaching women in bars: was given fake phone numbers. I've tried connecting with friends-of-friends: got rejected and referred to by the wrong name. Beyond that, the list of qualities that she has, that I would want in a partner, is long and deep.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Scorp, Scorp, Scorp:( She sounds extremely flighty. Supposin' you stayed despite knowing at that time you weren't ready for marriage? She would probably have gotten tired of waiting. And she seemed to keep trying for 'better' and checking in now and then to see if you were closer to being marriage minded yet. Like she had an agenda==gotta hurry and get hitched because the sibs are, and my clock is ticking and I'm not getting any younger!!. She misses the worshiping you gave her. What a sad tale of woe:( You will find better; someone better suited to you; not someone who is there one day, disappears the next...hangs out on match.com==and you can never really be sure if she will stop that stuff if she were with you. She sounds like someone who is restless and has a bit of wanderlust. Don't fall for it anymore; you've taken enough.
Svet74 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Given fake phone numbers and rejected? Come on now. If you think negative you will only get negative. If I were you I would just not date for a while and focus on you! Take some time off and just heal. And cut your ex off
WildHorses Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 This behavior of hers will only continue with you, as long as you continue your behavior of letting her back in your life. The only way through the pain, is to go straight through it. This is the only way you can heal from this disaster correctly. If you want to continue taking her back, don't expect anything to come of this. Time to move on my friend. 1
Philosoraptor Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 My answer is simply because no other woman whom I've been even remotely attracted too -- much less one with whom I had a great connection -- has given me the time of day. I've tried dating websites: zilch. I've tried approaching women in bars: was given fake phone numbers. I've tried connecting with friends-of-friends: got rejected and referred to by the wrong name. Beyond that, the list of qualities that she has, that I would want in a partner, is long and deep. You still have the ex on a pedestal and I doubt you are giving any new girls a fair chance. You can't give anyone a fair shot when you are still hung up on the ex. We all get rejected though, and go on some crappy dates. Find a hobby and meet women there. Try softball in the summer or something like that. Women are everywhere and the ones that will match you best are already out there doing the same things that you enjoy. I personally enjoy volunteering and meet nice girls all the time while helping others. 1
Author Mr Scorpio Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 She just simply never felt for you the way you felt for her. Wedding plans or not she was still talking to other guys. I believe she did the first time around. She told me on several occasions that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. The second time around? I totally agree with you. She used me as a rebound to get over the guy she left me for in the first place. The question I have is what is this you don't want kids and she did? Well come on you can't expect her to give up on a family if you didn't want one and she did. The first time we dated, I told her a story about a time when I was at a birthday party for my great-grandmother. At the party, someone brought up the fact that it was/is up to me to carry on the family name. My response (half-jokingly) was "Nope! Not going to happen!". Even though we never seriously discussed it, the ex took this as me saying that I didn't want kids. Thus, when we started hanging out the second time, one of the questions she brought up was what my attitude was about children. I would certainly not expect her -- or anyone -- to change their attitude about raising a family for my sake. Stop worrying that you don't make enough cash or that your ex is too good for you or you will never find anyone else as good because it does happen! One day you will wake up next to your real dream girl and realize what emotional blender this girl put you through. Easier said that done. Honestly, how can I set aside the fact that I make so little that I can't even afford to take a girl out without going further into the red? Or that the odds are that wont change while I'm still studying for the next three years? It would be one thing if I were 22. But not at 32.
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