my Ex met up with my Brother?

[robkris8079]

Well after a 5+ year relationship that ended around feb/march I went NC. Haven't talked to her at all. Not a text, FB message, email or anything. She has tried reaching out asking how I am and saying hi via FB and text but I don't respond. But other day I was hanging out with my brother and he said, "I gotta tell you something".

 

So he told me she had called him and wanted to meet up and talk. They were really close through our whole relationship and my brother is the guy everyone goes to when you have a problem. He told me quite a few things, but I'm sure he kept some stuff from me as well. I actually told him I don't want to know anything after our conversation but appreciate him telling me they met up.

 

I found out that the guy, supposed mutual friend that was texting her, the two of them had became something but "not serious". Those were her words. She complained about him to my brother I guess. Also stating that he doesn't do anything or take her out ever.

 

I also found out that she stopped all her workout plans that she was so big into. I mean she had a trainer and was on a meal plan and everything. It was a big part of her life. She was also going to stop drinking because the trainer said that was one of the worst things for your body. I shouldn't care but this makes me sad. She was working so hard at something and bam just threw all that hard work down the drain.

 

The biggest thing is she told my brother she may have a drinking problem. This was always on my families mind about her. But I guess she is noticing it now and seeing the issues it's causing. I mean she just crashed her brand new car she bought. She said she fell asleep and hit a deer but this is the second time she has done this and both times were very late at night after a night of drinking. The first time she did this we were together and I had to drag my 6 year old out of bed at 4am and go get her off the side of the highway. I am glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.

 

She is not even a 1/10th of the person I use to know. Or better yet the person she led me to believe she was. I don't even know why I'm writing all this down or what responses I'm looking for. Maybe tell me why she contacted my bro? Why she now is thinking about her drinking?

 

I repeat I did tell my bro not to tell me anything from now on. It's not my concern. He also told me he told her to stop contacting me as it is falling on deaf ears and that I would not respond. To that she asked if that's what I said. He said no I didn't say that but he just knows how I am.

 

She wanted out of our relationship saying she isn't happy and yet she seems even more unhappy. You would think I would be happy to hear all is not going well with the ex. But I'm not at all.

[Philosoraptor]

You've picked your path and are sticking to it, so good for you. We're all prone to hearing updates now and then and soon enough you just stop caring.

[wilsonx]

LOL he hasnt picked his path, all his words are hot air. Its a smoke screen.

 

Philo, do you make posts or talk about your ex over and over again?

 

ACTIONS...words

[Svet74]

Its funny cuz your ex sounds like my ex. He wanted out of the relationship because he was not happy. And when he left he was even more un happy. Started drinking heavily. getting into trouble, fights. lost his job and so on. He wanted to stay in contact. I dont know what it was he wanted maybe friendship? for me to care? But yet he didnt care back? when i needed him he was never there? put his friends first. I think its best for your brother not to tell you anymore more info. Your better off not knowing. I think part of the reason your ex is in the state that she is prob because she keeps on getting rejected. Im also friends with my exes relatives and i would hear things. But then i just said i dont even want to know. Thats the best way to heal. After i told him not to contact me because i cant doing the whole friendship thing or whatever you wanna call it he hasnt reached out in 3 months. He pretty much knows im done with the bull and if he wants me back he will have to change.

[Philosoraptor]

LOL he hasnt picked his path, all his words are hot air. Its a smoke screen.

 

Philo, do you make posts or talk about your ex over and over again?

 

ACTIONS...words

I believe he has picked his path which is to not have any contact with her. It's also good he is setting boundaries with his brother regarding contact. It's obvious he is still fragmented here and there, but he seems to have defined the path he wants to go down and has worked to put it into action.

[robkris8079]

LOL he hasnt picked his path, all his words are hot air. Its a smoke screen.

 

Philo, do you make posts or talk about your ex over and over again?

 

ACTIONS...words

 

 

This is why you are one of my fav's on here Wilson.

 

my post here have been much fewer between. But yes I still post. Sometimes my posts don't even say anything about my ex but yes alot of them do. Am I faking it until I'm making it . I don't even know, but if something gives me the itch to write it I do.

 

Facts are I don't want my ex back, my life HAS been better since she is gone, and I'm looking forward to a future without her. More facts are I still have a caring for her but it's not love or infatuation. I am not indifferent and can openly admit it. When you no longer see my own posts pop up and just my name helping others then I am there.

 

I believe he has picked his path which is to not have any contact with her. It's also good he is setting boundaries with his brother regarding contact. It's obvious he is still fragmented here and there, but he seems to have defined the path he wants to go down and has worked to put it into action.

 

thanks for the kind words and you are describing what I'm doing perfectly and how I feel. Hey after over 5 years and kids and marriage talk as well as living together, she will pop in my head from time to time..

Edited June 6, 2012 by robkris8079

[flitzanu]

now you need to tell your bro to stop talking to her and to stay out of his life.

[wilsonx]

He won't, that's his string without her knowing it

[robkris8079]

now you need to tell your bro to stop talking to her and to stay out of his life.

 

This I should do. It will only benefit me. I am here to gain knowledge from those that have been through this stuff.

 

He won't, that's his string without her knowing it

 

Like stated above, I'm here to gain knowledge and you two like I've stated before on this site are the two I enjoy getting advice from.

 

So you say my bro is my connection to her? I think that is what you are saying. My way of staying connected, part of her life, and my information center to her yet her not knowing. Which is untrue because my ex knows that anything she tells my brother he will tell me. Ha wow when I type it out the whole thing is not healthy at all .

 

Basically I'm having a relationship of some sort with an ex through my bro and her with me. Well this is not going to work at all. I did inform my brother not to tell me anything but I think I will need to talk to him again to make sure he understands.

 

I know you don't think I will but mark my words, I will talk to him and if he tries to tell me anything I will walk away. I will state my feelings that him even talking to her and helping her is not good for me and not what I want and leave it at that.

 

I quit smoking this year, quit the ex (well sort of I guess), now I will quit her altogether.

[flitzanu]

This I should do. It will only benefit me. I am here to gain knowledge from those that have been through this stuff.

 

 

 

Like stated above, I'm here to gain knowledge and you two like I've stated before on this site are the two I enjoy getting advice from.

 

So you say my bro is my connection to her? I think that is what you are saying. My way of staying connected, part of her life, and my information center to her yet her not knowing. Which is untrue because my ex knows that anything she tells my brother he will tell me. Ha wow when I type it out the whole thing is not healthy at all .

 

Basically I'm having a relationship of some sort with an ex through my bro and her with me. Well this is not going to work at all. I did inform my brother not to tell me anything but I think I will need to talk to him again to make sure he understands.

 

I know you don't think I will but mark my words, I will talk to him and if he tries to tell me anything I will walk away. I will state my feelings that him even talking to her and helping her is not good for me and not what I want and leave it at that.

 

I quit smoking this year, quit the ex (well sort of I guess), now I will quit her altogether.

 

per what wilson said, you in fact said what i (presume) he was meaning. she knows damn well that your brother will tell you anything she says. ergo, your string. you already know if she contacts him you'll find out, and she knows you'll find out if she contacts him.

 

where i may veer off from what others will say, i honestly think it's a catty, bitchy move on her part. there's intent behind her talking to your brother. it's not intention as in "i want you back" but it's intention to cause you grief or garner an emotional reaction from you.

 

don't play into it.

 

and yes, as you stated, best move on your part is for your brother to tell her to F off and find new friends.