Alexanderjames is still moving forward, sort of.

[AlexanderJames]

Okay so not a lot has happened since my last thread. I still havent broken NC with her and theres been no more little lash outs from her since. I can only wonder how she felt after getting no reaction from me.

 

Anywayyyyy its been what? 5 days since the note and I'm feeling pretty good. I've been at this stage for what feels like a long time now, long enough to consider myself in a bad place. But thats only because I've forgotten about how bad I was at the start.

 

It's hard to explain, when I got to where I am now from where I was I felt 100 times happier and stronger than before, because I was, which was great. But enough time has passed for me to forget how bad I was and now I feel at my lowest again, I dont feel as happy and strong as I should be, if that makes sense? Where I am now has gone from being amazing and empowering to just another low point, and It seems like its taking me longer to get out of this one than some of the worse ones. I'm just reminding myself every day of how far I've come and how much happier (although not as happy as I'd like) I am compared to when I first joined LS.

 

I don't have any urges to break NC, luckily I haven't since day 1. But thats because I had no choice really, it was stick out NC or enjoy letting her hurt me again (which is all she wanted anyway). So I'm winning there, yay me..

I dont miss her and I havent dreamt about her lately which are all good things but for some annoying frustrating reason I cant get her out of my head. It seems like they're all useless, pointless thought just of her. Nothing in particular, its like her name is circling around in my head over and over. Its annoying above all else. Over the weekend I had a few worrying thoughts about her coming back to me, and wondering if and when. I dont like these I thought I had convinced myself that I didnt want this, but obviously part of me does or the thoughts wouldnt linger. Im going to face these feelings head on though, they wont go away if I ignore them. It's hard though, I dont want to think about her because Im scared that if I think too much, Ill fall back into missing her and feeling alone. But you guys on here wont let that happen to me will you!

 

So thats where Im at today, feels like I'm practically over her but the thought wont seem to fade, oh well it's a time thing. It always is haha, time time time blah blah my favourite word.

 

On a positive note I spent the weekend with great company. Some of which where girls who where very attracted to me and couldnt get enough of my physique which made me feel extremely attractive and I'm considering one of them as a future interest which is warming to think about. It's very big headed of me but given what I've been put through I think I deserve to be able to bask in things like this for a change. I've always had a skinny physique and its only in the last 12 months that I've dedicated every day to improving my self image. It's new to feel eye's on me like that and to feel desired, but I like it. So I feel like im making progress in not only my mental and emotional views on life, but my physical appearance too. A victory for me if anything else.

 

Thanks for reading and I hope everyone is making good progress with themselves and their lives. I'll keep you all up to date as usual.

 

Have a great day everyone

Alex.

[Svet74]

I feel ya. TOday for me sucks. been raining all day. couldnt go anywhere but stay home and think about my ex. My ex broke NC of 3 months. Now I gotta start over. it sucks and im mad at myself for responding at all

[AlexanderJames]

I feel ya. TOday for me sucks. been raining all day. couldnt go anywhere but stay home and think about my ex. My ex broke NC of 3 months. Now I gotta start over. it sucks and im mad at myself for responding at all

 

Yeah its rainy every day here too. Sometimes I like listening to the rain on the roof but other times I'd rather not be alone to my thoughts.

 

Dont be mad at yourself mate, everyone makes mistakes. Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You did well to get where you were and you can easily get back there again.

I guess in a way I was lucky my ex hurt me intentionally. It's made sticking to NC easy. I am confident I can go as long as it takes without contacting her. I've also been lucky that she's made no genuine attempts to contact me on a friendly basis, and I'm hoping it stays that way.

Ive been keeping myself going thinking that she hates me and only wants to hurt me and that she wont make any attempts to connect with me if I ignore her. I hope I'm right because to be honest I dont know what I would do if she broke NC and started talking about feelings and meaningful things...

[Svet74]

I know this sounds crazy and childish but like i want my ex to feel pain for what he did to me. I would never intentionally hurt him but i was always able to hurt him by just looking happy and moving on. Anyhow. I changed my status on facebook to in a relationship so his sisters can see. I know their gonna go and tell him.. I just want him to feel bad. I just really feel like being mean. Normally i would call him and yell but thats what he wants so there is no point. Facebook does wonders! And then when he does call Ignore him

 

Sorry that was out of topic lol

Its good to hear your doing well. It gets easier but yes keep thinking shes out to hurt you instead of the good times u had with her.

[AlexanderJames]

Another thing I've found myself doing is occasionally joining the dots on past experiences. Which is s**t..

For example I'll think of a particular time during our relationship, sometimes meaningful sometimes petty, and I'll think about what I thought and how I acted. Then I'll think about how I should have thought and how I should have acted.. Then I'll think where I'd be if I had acted that way instead of the way I did.

 

Its only happened a few times recently but its no good because I find myself feeling sad or sorry. And sometimes angry at myself. Which are all things that I thought I was long over.

[AlexanderJames]

I know this sounds crazy and childish but like i want my ex to feel pain for what he did to me. I would never intentionally hurt him but i was always able to hurt him by just looking happy and moving on. Anyhow. I changed my status on facebook to in a relationship so his sisters can see. I know their gonna go and tell him.. I just want him to feel bad. I just really feel like being mean. Normally i would call him and yell but thats what he wants so there is no point. Facebook does wonders! And then when he does call Ignore him

 

Sorry that was out of topic lol

Its good to hear your doing well. It gets easier but yes keep thinking shes out to hurt you instead of the good times u had with her.

 

Try not to think like this

I know that it's hard to take something like this on the chin without getting even but it takes much more pride and character to ignore something and move on than it does to get even. I've got even with girls in the past and all it did was cause me more troubles. With her, her friends, my friends and my own concience. It might seem great to hurt someone for hurting you, but it's not.

 

My ex did what you want to, she went to great lengths to hurt me for hurting her and it put me in a real dark place. I had gone through just as much hurt and hardship as I put on her through during the break up, but she wasnt going to be happy until she got even. Which she did and she did it well too. But since then I've become 100 times wiser and stronger. And from what I hear shes not doing well. After getting even she's had to deal with the guilt of hurting someone she loved. She may have felt good at first but after she thought about what she had done I think she began to realise the impact of her actions. She set out to hurt someone who had caused her pain, she had so much hatred towards me because in her eyes I was a heartless person who only thought for myself. But in doing this she became the person she hated the most. She realised she did love me, and that we were as bad as each other. She couldnt be mad at me any more for leaving her, and she couldnt be happy for hurting me either.

 

And since then she has made attempts to ease her guilt by lashing out and trying to feel victimised by my NC and returning gifts she had bought me but I've given her nothing, not even acknowledged her existance. She has to wallow in her guilt and self hate all over again where as Im feeling strong and moving on with my life.

 

Sorry to lecture you but I dont want you slipping up and putting yourself in an even worse position. Dont put someone through what I've had to go through, we all make mistakes. I'm not perfect, no one is. And no one deserves to go through what made me join LS in the first place.

 

Please think about this.

[Svet74]

So did you break up with your ex? or she broke up with you?

 

ITs not fair though because my ex was still trying to play games with me even after 3 months of NC. i did nothing i just told him im moving on because he couldnt make up his mind.

 

so what we didnt talk

then he calls out of the blue.. I let him fix my car whatever. he offered. and then he has the guts to tell me that he will introduce me to one of his friends that are good looking.. so i said sure.

 

then later i asked him if he was still gonna introduce me and he replies il see what i can do with a smily face.. Acting like he dont care

 

thats why i was all upset.

[AlexanderJames]

It's a very long story thats spread over 3 or 4 threads on here going back a while haha.

 

I left my ex because we were moving too fast and I was afraid of getting hurt. Also we had drifted apart. It was one of those "just wasnt meant to be things' really. No foul play or anything heartless. But it still caused her a lot of pain, she loved me a lot and I let her down.

 

We stayed in contact a lot and got close again and after 6 months of being single I realised I messed up and wanted her back. Which happens to most dumpers I've noticed from experience. More or less because the fun of being single wears off and it seems easier to go back to someone you already got comfortable with than to go out and meet someone new.

 

ANYWAY!.. We got closer to the point where everyone assumed we were back together. Movie and dinner dates and even spent nights at each others houses and sleeping together so I assumed we were good. But then she showed her true colours and revealed she had been acting the whole time to set me up. She claimed she never felt anything but resentment and she tore me to pieces and got her revenge. It was all a game to her. I've never felt so much hurt.

 

But since then it's become pretty clear that her anger and resentment was only covering her feelings for me, she had hidden them the whole time instead of dealing with them. And after hurting me and settling her anger she found she was left to face all the hurt she had postponed this whole time. Her loss not mine.

[Svet74]

So what your saying is that even though it was an act..

 

deep down it was not an act, she still has feelings for you and regrets it?

 

a little confused by that

 

but the whole thing just sounds awful.. I mean thats extreme. I would never do that to my ex. the whole facebook thing is as extreme as it will get to me.

 

and we were only in communication for less then 2 weeks. He came back and not to even ask me back. So i dont know what his deal is.

[AlexanderJames]

No no no, she acted so she could get me vulnerable and do as much damage as she could.

I think it was more a case of being blinded by pain and anger than she did something so horrible and it wasnt until after she did it she realised it was a mistake. Since she did it Ive stuck true to NC and its seemed to have an impact on her, shes been sad and guilty from what I've heard. So that says enough to assume theres still feelings there, she just didnt know they were there because the anger was overpowering her.

 

She acted out of anger because it seemed like a good idea, and that it would make her feel better. Which it probably did at first, but then she had to deal with the thought of being the person she set out to hurt. And being everything she despised in me.

 

He probably came to you for an ego boost, to see that you werent over him which would make him feel better. Or he needed to hear you say you were okay to make him feel less guilty for hurting you. Whatever the case though you deserve better. Just be true to yourself and let him deal with his own problems. Dont give him the satusfaction. If I were you I would not talk to him at all, keep to NC strictly, ignore his contact if any and leave it at that.

 

The best revenge is living a happy successful life. So be everything he wishes you couldnt be without him..

[Svet74]

And what was the horrible thing that she did?

 

Yes im trying my best with the NC yes maybe he came back for an ego boost or whatever. He did tell his uncle that he wanted to change for me and be a better person, the way he said it to him sounded like he felt that he wasnt good enough. I was told all this

 

But its like staying with me and eating me up inside. my mind tells me his intentions are not real

 

but my heart is saying other wise. so im just confused all over

[AlexanderJames]

Pretended like she wanted me back, lead me into thinking she still loved me and wanted to be with me, waited for me to pour my heart out telling her how much I still loved her and how sorry I was and then tell me to my face that she was lying.

 

You're going to be confused its perfectly normal.

Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings with all of us. If your sore or confused about what you feel or something thats happened. Ask us, chances are someone, if not lots of us, have been there and can give you the advice you need

[RogerWallace111]

Once again find myself totally able to relate. With your initial post i mean. It's interesting having that epiphany/surge of strength period after the initial, gnarly pain, only to have it wear off and start thinking of her a lot again. You go from feeling emotionally liberated, refreshed, & limitlessly optimistic to just feeling down, with moments of illogical hopelessness. Today, Sunday, seems to be my most bummed day of the week consistently. Like the anticipation of the weekend and it's potential, then the lull after nothing too great happens. I had a lot of fun last night, out on the town, with new people (through my close friend). Drank, raged, danced, got some female attention. But then today, i was back to thinking of her a lot and feeling generally low throughout. Not to mention I caught "Moonrise Kingdom" at the theater, which we'd talked about seeing together, and it was a bittersweet little romantic tale. Left me feeling particularly empty, goofy as it may sound.

 

The peak/valley type thing seems to be a common cycle/motif in multiple aspects of this process. It'll round out to more consistent, normal life levels soon. I have faith. Keep up the progress AJ; she sounds like a triflin', manipulative girl anyway...

[AlexanderJames]

Glad people can relate to me. Any tips or tricks to getting out of the rutt? I've just been keeping busy and waiting, it's seemed to work before. That and keeping up with peoples stories on here and offering support for them. Thats also a pretty good rememdy.

 

I know exactly where you're coming from. I had an amazing night out saturday night with a whole bunch of new people and a couple good friends, then sunday morning which was yesterday for me I had absolutely no drive to do anything. Skipped breakfast and stayed in bed thinking of her until mid day. And my day didnt get much more exciting when I got up, I just lounged on the couch watching a few movies I hadnt seen and got myself some Maccas. But then at 9pm a friend rocked up out front and said I was coming for a drive and I went out with a few close mates and had a blast. Not even doing anything fancy. We literally just drove to the middle of nowhere, an industrial power plant on an island out of town, parked our cars, listened to music and danced around like wankers. And hooned around in our cars having a bit of fun.

 

Guess the message here is the more time alone thinking things out the more down you feel. Im trying to limit myself to 30 mins to an hour to dwell on memories then I make sure I get out and keep busy. Being with friends works wonders.

[Svet74]

We had a storm come through Sunday so I couldn't go anywhere I was stuck inside all day doing nothing and thinking about him of course. I wonder what he is doing? My urge to call him didn't go away yet. And he is suppose to leave town this week for a few months so I'm waiting for that to happen. I wonder if he thinks il cave in and call him or not. Been 4 days already