Hope I'm not going backwards here.

[AlexanderJames]

I've been having a few mixed emotions lately, I thought surely I must be getting close to getting passed this by now. But thoughts and feelings I had layed to rest seem to be crawling back up.

 

Is this normal? For me to feel almost 100% and invincible one week then to be having second thoughts again (is that third thoughts now lol?). Nothing drastic has happened, I havent broken NC, I havent even wanted to. She hasnt tried to contact me and I havent seen her or any of her friends in public so I cant see anything has triggered it. But I dreamt about her again

 

And for the first time in ages thismorning the thought of her brought up that sickly sinking feeling. But a song came on the radio by my favourite DJ's and the night her and I got into a relationship was seeing them live so.. Is this me just finding being alone difficult as time goes by? I hope I'm not going backwards. Maybe it's just winter..

 

There are positives though. I find myself thinking more and more about another girl lately. This is a good sign right? I think sometimes she's on my mind more than my ex.

 

Anyway I've got something else on my mind that I'm going to post in a seperate thread. Trying to keep things short.

[DMS]

Hang in there bud, I believe what you are going through is totally normal. We can't win them all and it is how we handle these low times that will ultimately determine our success.

[AlexanderJames]

Thanks DMS, Good to hear from you again. Hope you're doing well.

 

I'll just keep focusing on the positives. Im not listening to break up music much any more. Im back onto the dance playlist. Dance music used to just remind me of her because we went to clubs a lot together.

 

And the fact Im thinking of another girl has gotta say something about where im standing as far as letting go.

[zanzi]

dreams tend to be the filtering of informantion from our day to relieve your brain of and make sense of the experience.

perhaps the strong emotions you have are trying to work themselves out, she appears in your dream as an appiration of these very strong but past emotions while you try to get through them and work them out. It's all you, interacting with you.

Edited June 26, 2012 by zanzi
grr my typing sucks

[AlexanderJames]

dreams tend to be the filtering of informantion from our day to relieve your brain of and make sense of the experience.

perhaps the strong emotions you have are trying to work themselves out, she appears in your dream as an appiration of these very strong but past emotions while you try to get through them and work them out. It's all you, interacting with you.

 

This makes sense. I did at one point yesterday comment on a thread on here saying NC is easy because I dont have a choice. If she actually made a genuine attempt to contact me or tell me she wants me back, instead of being petty and spiteful I dont know what I would do. This made me wonder if she was coming back ever.. And if so when.

 

Hope this doesnt make me dream about her again tonight.. Dammit haha. /:

[zanzi]

this may not seem to relate to you, but last night I broke up with a wonderful, loving guy and I did not feel good about doing it. It has been awful. Iv'e been trying to love him and couldn't as bad as that sounds. It was as simple a reason as that. How it relates to your break up is that If I hadn't broken up with him, we would both be stuck with the wrong person, unhappy, never to find the one we were really supposed to find.

that may not sound convincing to you, but objectively, she must not have been the one for you. Perhaps see breaking up as newness rather then an end. See it as an opportunity to find what you really need, not what you want at this time. You wont always want the same person. One day you will not mind that the feelings are gone, releasing you.

[AlexanderJames]

Thanks for that

I get where you're coming from. And I know she's not the girl for me. Thats why I dont want her to come back and try to break NC with me.

 

I've posted a few threads telling my story on here over the past month and a bit. Some recent ones have been very positive and inspirational to people here. I'm just having one of those rough patches before I move on to an even easier time.

It comes in levels. You feel good, then you have a bad patch as you plane out. But after that you feel even better and then you come across another low point, although easier than the last. But then sure enough you get past that and feel even better again! And so on. Taking the good with the bad.

 

Im happier now than I have ever been in my life. With my career, my image and my state of mind. I guess I was just after some reassurance that this particular low point isnt sending me backwards.

 

Thank you

[Svet74]

Yeah thats normal. Ive been in a rut for the last 4 days and almost broke NC but im feeling much better. now. you will have your goood and bad days. just keep in mind. let a couple days go by and it will be better. I survived 4 days of being miserable and feeling better already. Im learning to control my emotions and forcing myself to cope

[DMS]

I was real close to breaking nc today as well had the phone in my hand and was going to sneak a peek at her facebook page. I stopped myself however and am glad I did.

[AlexanderJames]

Great to hear mate good work

 

Never worth breaking NC if you ask me. I'd say the one and only exception to breaking it would be if your trying to get someone to come back and they beg, and I mean beg, you to take them back. Then maybe I'd throw them a "come tell me this in person" if I was feeling bothered.

 

Stay strong bud you're doing well.

[df1304]

I don't think you're going backwards. After you spend a lot of time with someone and grow to care about them a lot, then go from caring so much to having no contact whatsoever.. it seems natural to miss them once in a while.

[skyisfalling]

hey alex, glad you're keeping up NC! Remember awhile ago you posted, that thinking of your ex just means you're that much closer to recovery.. its COMPLETELY normal to think of her, its just your brain shaking off the last bits of sorrow and mourn.. just get over this hump and you'll be great in no time! i'm glad you're moving on to bigger and better things.. hopefully you'll transition into the dating "committed" section soon Keep us posted!!

[AlexanderJames]

I don't think you're going backwards. After you spend a lot of time with someone and grow to care about them a lot, then go from caring so much to having no contact whatsoever.. it seems natural to miss them once in a while.

 

Thanks for your input DF.

 

I've followed your story on here and I must say your up beat attitude and high spirits are an inspiration to us all.

 

So really, thank you

[AlexanderJames]

hey alex, glad you're keeping up NC! Remember awhile ago you posted, that thinking of your ex just means you're that much closer to recovery.. its COMPLETELY normal to think of her, its just your brain shaking off the last bits of sorrow and mourn.. just get over this hump and you'll be great in no time! i'm glad you're moving on to bigger and better things.. hopefully you'll transition into the dating "committed" section soon Keep us posted!!

 

Hi Sky! Good hearing from you how are you doing?

 

Thanks for the advice. Another thing I've said is that giving good advice to people comes so easily to me, but when it comes to me needing advice I can never seem to give it to myself. This has been one of those times but I'm glad I've made a lot of kind hearted friends on here that have taken the time to help me out and keep me on track

 

Hopefully! I was thinking, I've met some great people on this website and sadly I think once lots of them have moved on and recovered that they wont be on here much anymore. Not in this section anyway.

Is there anywhere else on this forum that people keep in touch? I dont want to lose contact with some of these people Maybe Ill start a thread some time with my full name in it for people who want to add my facebook haha

Edited June 26, 2012 by AlexanderJames

[RogerWallace111]

Again, pretty much right there with you AJ. The last few days have seen me bummin more than I had in a while. I had the sickly feeling once, but it wasn't nearly that of the initial period where it was difficult to eat and I was straight knotted up. I also find myself wondering about that return to those thoughts being a setback, or marking a lack of progress, but my brain knows the answer to that's no. And everybody on here seems to as well ! I have superstitious moments when I feel down and start wondering if my feeling good/decent so often has just been me putting off the heartache or something. And if it's all gonna flood back when I least expect it. But with the passage of time (and nc of course), I know it will never slip back more than a little. You and I will both be great before long, it's just those cyclical emotions, they will run their course !

[AlexanderJames]

Again, pretty much right there with you AJ. The last few days have seen me bummin more than I had in a while. I had the sickly feeling once, but it wasn't nearly that of the initial period where it was difficult to eat and I was straight knotted up. I also find myself wondering about that return to those thoughts being a setback, or marking a lack of progress, but my brain knows the answer to that's no. And everybody on here seems to as well ! I have superstitious moments when I feel down and start wondering if my feeling good/decent so often has just been me putting off the heartache or something. And if it's all gonna flood back when I least expect it. But with the passage of time (and nc of course), I know it will never slip back more than a little. You and I will both be great before long, it's just those cyclical emotions, they will run their course !

 

 

The bits highlighted up there are spot on with where I'm at. I'm exactly the same. I did notice that the sickly feeling was no where near as intense as the start. And it passed much more quickly. Sometimes I would think about something once, and feel sick to my stomache, then once the feeling passed I would think about the same thing a second time and feel just as sick again. But thismorning right after it passed I continued listening to the Dj's and didnt feel sick again.

 

And second bit highlighted is exactly what made me post this thread. I wanted reassurance that I wasnt alone with these little set backs. And that others could relate and back me up.

 

Thanks for keeping me headed in the right direction mate. We'll be better than ever soon enough!

[Svet74]

So today,

I broke NC.. not because i wanted to but because my moms car is acting up. My ex was the one who fixed the first issue with it, and i have no one else to call but him because he is the only one that knows whats going on with it.

 

Ugh. Im not gonna let it stress though. But just get it done and over with

[RogerWallace111]

^that sucks. but at least it wasn't out of a lack of will power.

 

 

and, yeah AJ, I figured that's what you were getting at. i find myself at that second highlighted bit somewhat often. but the thing is, if i'm feelin relatively good in the present, that is reality, so why question it so much. not that i won't continue to at times, but i'm gonna make an effort to never dwell on it (not that i really do).

 

if you feel like checking out what I am currently dwelling on, ha,

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/332887-camping-trip-w-ex

 

actually just writing it out kind of relieved me of it probably 75%

[AlexanderJames]

Ill have a read.

 

And dont worry svet I broke NC last night too... But it worked in my favour. I'm goin to post a thread after I read rogers expressing how Im feeling the morning after contacting her. And It will contain a link to the thread which goes into detail about what happened.