thefooloftheyear Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Why in heavens sake do dumpers offer up breadcrumbs?? I mean, if everything is going so great with their lives, why bother messing with the dumpee?? It just seems so illogical, or am I missing something. And how do you "read the tea leaves" with regards to these messages/texts, so to speak? Is it because they are having some remorse? Maybe the grass actually isnt greener? Are they keeping their foot in the door?? And why do they make contact even when they are told not to? Share your experiences.... TFOY Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Why in heavens sake do dumpers offer up breadcrumbs?? I mean, if everything is going so great with their lives, why bother messing with the dumpee?? It just seems so illogical, or am I missing something. And how do you "read the tea leaves" with regards to these messages/texts, so to speak? Is it because they are having some remorse? Maybe the grass actually isnt greener? Are they keeping their foot in the door?? And why do they make contact even when they are told not to? Share your experiences.... TFOY Ego. It's ALL about Ego. They dumped you, but they don't want you to do better then they are. They want you to pine after them. If you do not text them or they are thinking you are moving better than they are, they will throw the crumbs to see if you are still there. Once they realize you are still there, they get the boost they need. Thats why some ex's "would like to still be friends." It might be because they still care about you in some fashion, but it's mostly to cover their own guilt and ego. That's what I've seen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 They don't read into the messages they send as much as we do. They're simply trying to be "the bigger person" and stay friends with us instead of completely eliminating us from their lives. They don't really see anything wrong with it. Their life may be better without us, but it doesn't mean they don't want to keep us dangling from a string. Plus, all of our exes are hypocrites. They take offense if they find out that we've moved on. So by checking up on us they can see if they can get us to say that we still love them and that we miss them. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 They don't read into the messages they send as much as we do. They're simply trying to be "the bigger person" and stay friends with us instead of completely eliminating us from their lives. They don't really see anything wrong with it. Their life may be better without us, but it doesn't mean they don't want to keep us dangling from a string. Plus, all of our exes are hypocrites. They take offense if they find out that we've moved on. So by checking up on us they can see if they can get us to say that we still love them and that we miss them. That is so true. I was sick of it & said to my ex that he was right I didn't live him either and I was gonna start dating. I got a response so vicious it made made me cry..... It is an ego thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Coping Vortex Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Why in heavens sake do dumpers offer up breadcrumbs?? I mean, if everything is going so great with their lives, why bother messing with the dumpee?? It just seems so illogical, or am I missing something. And how do you "read the tea leaves" with regards to these messages/texts, so to speak? Is it because they are having some remorse? Maybe the grass actually isnt greener? Are they keeping their foot in the door?? And why do they make contact even when they are told not to? Share your experiences.... TFOY In my situation my ex bread crumbed me all week last week. All mundane chit chat. Nothing of substance. I think in her case somewhere deep inside she does miss me but is trying to stay true to her new guy. Plus she is bored she is out of work and home most days when I guess her new BF is working. She went off the spend the weekend at his house and I expected not to hear from her after she got back today. And I was right no texts. So now she won't even bread crumb anymore but i wanted to go NC anyway so she did me a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 In my situation my ex bread crumbed me all week last week. All mundane chit chat. Nothing of substance. I think in her case somewhere deep inside she does miss me but is trying to stay true to her new guy. Plus she is bored she is out of work and home most days when I guess her new BF is working. She went off the spend the weekend at his house and I expected not to hear from her after she got back today. And I was right no texts. So now she won't even bread crumb anymore but i wanted to go NC anyway so she did me a favor. She probably does miss you. My ex has told me that she misses me and wanted to talk to me again. Just because they miss us doesn't mean they want us back. She'll probably text you again, and you'll freak out and look for a meaning. Hopefully you'll post about it here instead of responding. The bread crumbs/guilt relieving texts became too much for me. Maybe you can handle them. Link to post Share on other sites
secretlady76 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Personally, after DDay when we both decided to go NC to focus on our spouses, a few days later I was missing him so much I contacted him a couple of times. Both times he ignored the messages, so I ended up feeling even worse. So no, it was nothing to do with ego, it was all to do with missing him. Still not heard from him and I have not contacted him since. Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Him Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Trust me, my ex is the king of breadcrumbs. Half of the time they don't even realize that they're doing it. I think it's about uncertainty. They don't want you to move on before they have moved on in case they decide that their decision was the wrong one. Typically though, responding to the breadcrumbs just makes them more certain of their decision. It's this whole big thing Seems best to just ignore the breadcrumbs, as hard as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Why in heavens sake do dumpers offer up breadcrumbs?? I mean, if everything is going so great with their lives, why bother messing with the dumpee?? It just seems so illogical, or am I missing something. And how do you "read the tea leaves" with regards to these messages/texts, so to speak? Is it because they are having some remorse? Maybe the grass actually isnt greener? Are they keeping their foot in the door?? And why do they make contact even when they are told not to? Share your experiences.... TFOY My ex. dumped me for her ex. over a year ago. Right at the 6 month mark she contacts me (e-mail) saying how sorry she was for hurting me..how she regrets it and thinks about me every day blah blah blah but nothing about wanting to "try it again" I can only guess she was racked with guilt for the cruel way she dumped me and felt guilty/bad and wanted to get it off her chest so SHE could feel better. I foolishy replyed several days later (Don't do it) and haven't heard from her since which is fine by me....soooooo over it all! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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