hurt'n for cert'n

[puzzled1]

Ughh I am soo disappointed at myself!!

 

gotta vent...

 

I pretty much ripped out all the stitches on my wound and now feels like I have to start all over again.

 

3 months ago was my break up. I went NC as soon as I came across this forum, devastated, heart broken, depressed as **** and lowest I've ever been in life.

 

Self ego finally took over and I started my path to recovery.

 

Tried to stay no contact but the ex kept calling/ texting blah blah blah... self ego went thru the roof and I started doing great.

 

Dated 3 girls in the last 3 months and also got physical with 2.

 

Christmas time was pretty bad and lonely. I started feeling guilty because I knew I was using these girls as rebounds and I dont consider myself to be that kind of person so I broke it off.

 

Ex texted me 2 days before christmas telling me that she is in a relationship and even though I was furious, I kept my calm and told her I am happy for her.

 

The next day she is texting me non stop, crying, and begging and saying things like she misses me and she messed up on every decision blah blah blah...

 

Me being the nice guy asked to meet up with her. We met up on Christmas. We hung out for like 5 hours, talking about things and catching up. She tells me that she felt lonely so that is the only reason she is in a relationship with this new guy. She said she does not see a future with him and its just a fling.

 

I remained calm and told her about my dating life. I told her that I was physical and she flipped out on me because she didnt expect me to... but then everything was okay and the texts were alot more regular.

 

We made plans to go to dinner and every thing was going smoothly (I dont know what her intentions were) she then breaks down and tells me that she wants me back, she is not happy at all and going insane. I entertained the idea and told her that I have to think about this because I practically removed every hope of us being together.

 

More texts, more texts and more texts. I started feeling guilty about this new "girl" nothing is serious with me and her but I can tell she likes me. So I started ignoring her and start talking to my ex alot more often.

 

Last week, I started feeling guilty as hell for everything I am doing and I guess without realizing, ripping my stitches apart because old feelings started to rise again. We met up 2 days ago for lunch and my heart was beating so hard that it was hard to converse. Later that day she tells me "I love you" and I said the same thing back to her. Feeling more remorse and ****ty. My stupid ass got on her facebook on a friends account and just cried all night last night. She is playing me and also her new "BF".

 

Now I am going back to NC with her. I am not going to be a #2 option. Ready to become an ******* again and protect myself.

[TaraMaiden]

Holy Crap....

 

So even if they do come back with the "I'm sorry, I made a bad mistake, I love you, I want you back and will do anything to prove it to you!" - they might be pulling your chain.....?

 

So much for the good advice in the NC guide....

I guess this goes to show that even if this DOES happen, you should take it with a pinch of salt, proceed very cautiously - and let the Actions speak Louder than the Words!

 

She might have SAID all of that - but her Actions revealed her to be a liar!

 

That's just terrible!!

 

I'm so sorry she phukked you over like that!

 

It must have been devastating!

 

How are you doing, hun??

[puzzled1]

Holy Crap....

 

So even if they do come back with the "I'm sorry, I made a bad mistake, I love you, I want you back and will do anything to prove it to you!" - they might be pulling your chain.....?

 

So much for the good advice in the NC guide....

I guess this goes to show that even if this DOES happen, you should take it with a pinch of salt, proceed very cautiously - and let the Actions speak Louder than the Words!

 

She might have SAID all of that - but her Actions revealed her to be a liar!

 

That's just terrible!!

 

I'm so sorry she phukked you over like that!

 

It must have been devastating!

 

How are you doing, hun??

 

I guess once she realized there are other girls in my life, she wanted to run back to me. I told her that I might be breaking it up and her mood kind of changed. I dont get it, I've become a sensitive mofo again and I am tired of her treating me like this.

 

Felt pretty crappy for this whole week but yesterday and today is the worst. I know she is just making sure she can still grab me by the balls if she needed to but now thats over. Confused ass girls I swear

[TaraMaiden]

The tragic thing is, that her actions may serve to make you less trustful and more cynical about women in general.

 

I know for a fact that not all women are like this - but your caution will double, and your trust levels will plummet - she has a lot to answer for.

 

I'm sorry this has basically erased all your good hard work, but at least, now - you know.

 

You Know.

 

Never - go - Back.

[Jono85]

I guess once she realized there are other girls in my life, she wanted to run back to me. I told her that I might be breaking it up and her mood kind of changed. I dont get it, I've become a sensitive mofo again and I am tired of her treating me like this.

 

Felt pretty crappy for this whole week but yesterday and today is the worst. I know she is just making sure she can still grab me by the balls if she needed to but now thats over. Confused ass girls I swear

 

 

what do you mean you went on her facebook and found out she's playing you and the new bf. what did you see to make you think everything she told you was lies? how do you know that what she says to her bf (i love yous, etc) aren't the lies?

[cavalier99]

Wow. That's tough. Sorry

 

You were overconfident on how indifferent you were and she broke you down slowly. She got her fix and sucked you dry like a vampire.

 

I bet she feels great and validated... and left you feeling like crap.

 

Wow after a BU everything the dumper get from us eventually builds them up (after initial jealousy in your case ) and breaks us down..and vise versa with NC..what a strange inverse relationship.

[TaraMaiden]

Jono85, Because if she was telling the truth, the 'BF' wouldn't figure any more....

[Jono85]

Jono85, Because if she was telling the truth, the 'BF' wouldn't figure any more....

 

why not? he never said anything about her actually leaving/breaking up with the BF in his OP. he said she begged for him back (which is obv terrible while having a BF no doubt), but he never said they officially decided on that or anything. seemed more like she put it out there and he was contemplating.

 

i dunno, all i know is i'm left confused as to what he actually saw that voided everything they talked about.

[TaraMaiden]

It's an unknown. But it seems to me that if it made him 'cry all last night' then he MUST have seen something significant and definite to make him realise she's just tossing up which might be the better option.... And as he says, he's not going to be #2 option.

Which he would be, because she already ditched him, found someone else who became #1, and is now wondering, "Hmmm... maybe I'll try number 2 again...."

[Jono85]

It's an unknown. But it seems to me that if it made him 'cry all last night' then he MUST have seen something significant and definite to make him realise she's just tossing up which might be the better option.... And as he says, he's not going to be #2 option.

Which he would be, because she already ditched him, found someone else who became #1, and is now wondering, "Hmmm... maybe I'll try number 2 again...."

 

all valid points.

 

i trust that he saw something conclusive.

 

guess was only wondering b/c if they're still officially in a R, of course she's still going to be lovey dovey with that dude.

 

but anyway..tough break. very immature of her. i'd imagine/hope she's 22 or under..

[puzzled1]

The tragic thing is, that her actions may serve to make you less trustful and more cynical about women in general.

 

I know for a fact that not all women are like this - but your caution will double, and your trust levels will plummet - she has a lot to answer for.

 

I'm sorry this has basically erased all your good hard work, but at least, now - you know.

 

You Know.

 

Never - go - Back.

 

Oh, I can already tell that I am having trust issues with all the other women I am meeting. I let them know my intentions first hand so they know what they are dealing with. If they don't to hangout with me, I am totally fine with that.

 

what do you mean you went on her facebook and found out she's playing you and the new bf. what did you see to make you think everything she told you was lies? how do you know that what she says to her bf (i love yous, etc) aren't the lies?

 

Well all the pictures of us were gone, which were exchanged with the current bf. She was checking in places out of town (which we have been to) and it just reminded me of all the good times we had together. I haven't been on her profile for so long that it was just a big shock. All of her "new" friends were being all supportive about everything having to do with her "current boy toy".

 

Wow. That's tough. Sorry

 

You were overconfident on how indifferent you were and she broke you down slowly. She got her fix and sucked you dry like a vampire.

 

I bet she feels great and validated... and left you feeling like crap.

 

Wow after a BU everything the dumper get from us eventually builds them up (after initial jealousy in your case ) and breaks us down..and vise versa with NC..what a strange inverse relationship.

 

Well, in the beginning, I did what everyone does, try to fix things. But then I started to become distant and just focused on myself. When she said that she wants me back and she keeps making all the wrong decisions opened up an opportunity back into her heart. Oh, how wrong was I.

 

why not? he never said anything about her actually leaving/breaking up with the BF in his OP. he said she begged for him back (which is obv terrible while having a BF no doubt), but he never said they officially decided on that or anything. seemed more like she put it out there and he was contemplating.

 

i dunno, all i know is i'm left confused as to what he actually saw that voided everything they talked about.

 

Well, I am not sure how a relationship is supposed to work? I assumed that when she said she wanted me back, she would ditch the new guy. Well she told me over lunch that she had already met his parents and that she can see his sister being one of her good friends... Her attitude changed from wanting me back to lets just not move any further than being friends... and F that!

 

It's an unknown. But it seems to me that if it made him 'cry all last night' then he MUST have seen something significant and definite to make him realise she's just tossing up which might be the better option.... And as he says, he's not going to be #2 option.

Which he would be, because she already ditched him, found someone else who became #1, and is now wondering, "Hmmm... maybe I'll try number 2 again...."

 

Since I've been keeping in touch with her daily, it just reminded me of the good ol days, and then when I got on her facebook (big mistake I shouldn't have made) I just saw things were much different. Her relationship status is viewable to public like she is trying to tell everyone that she is not with me. Its just his pictures all over her wall and that cut deep.

[cavalier99]

I think the OP is messed up because his self esteem that he had struggled so hard to regain is in the toilet now. Irregardless of whether or not she is "semi" interested in getting back together.

 

She broke his heart once and now he is messed up again because of her. Also she didn't just drop this other guy to come right back..she is playing games ..especially by becoming distant once he said he might drop current girl.

 

Sooo he feels weak again and used. And probably couldn't even deal with the uncertainty of being with her even if she did come back.

[puzzled1]

all valid points.

 

i trust that he saw something conclusive.

 

guess was only wondering b/c if they're still officially in a R, of course she's still going to be lovey dovey with that dude.

 

but anyway..tough break. very immature of her. i'd imagine/hope she's 22 or under..

 

My wall just kind of fell down and I felt devastated. She will be turning 25 this year btw. Very immature...

[puzzled1]

I think the OP is messed up because his self esteem that he had struggled so hard to regain is in the toilet now. Irregardless of whether or not she is "semi" interested in getting back together.

 

She broke his heart once and now he is messed up again because of her. Also she didn't just drop this other guy to come right back..she is playing games ..especially by becoming distant once he said he might drop current girl.

 

Sooo he feels weak again and used. And probably couldn't even deal with the uncertainty of being with her even if she did come back.

 

This is spot on! Dr. Phil s hit right here!! lol

[TaraMaiden]

(Dr Phil would never say "Irregardless".... )

[puzzled1]

Update: After sleeping on it, I finally contacted her to let her know I feel; betrayed and used. I told her that I had killed all my hopes of being together until you begged me to take you back. She said that she is sorry for giving me the wrong impression. She wants me back but things are not going to be the same...? She then said that she thought we were trying to be friends. I said LOL about being friends. She apologized again. Then I told her not to worry about it I will be fine.

 

 

NC started at 11 this morning. My heart is def getting an exercise out of this :/

[TaraMaiden]

Boy she well and truly yanked your chain, didn't she?

What a mare....

 

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that - but look on the positive: You are a living breathing witness and testimony that 'going back' and re-igniting a relationship, to any satisfactory degree is rare.

Rarer than Rocking horse droppings.

 

You opened your good and willing heart up to the possibility of a good thing - only to have your hopes dashed.

 

I hope you gave her a real shot across the bows.... She is some piece of work.

Attention-grabbing little egotist.

 

"Fool me once more fool you.

Fool me twice more fool me."

 

You won't, to quote 'The Who', get fooled again. (No, no, no!)

[cavalier99]

Update: After sleeping on it, I finally contacted her to let her know I feel; betrayed and used. I told her that I had killed all my hopes of being together until you begged me to take you back. She said that she is sorry for giving me the wrong impression. She wants me back but things are not going to be the same...? She then said that she thought we were trying to be friends. I said LOL about being friends. She apologized again. Then I told her not to worry about it I will be fine.

 

 

NC started at 11 this morning. My heart is def getting an exercise out of this :/

 

Sorry you got played. What a b*tch. You'll recover quicker this time and seem to have the right attitude. No false hope or overconfidence this time!

 

I guess moral of the story is if you play with fire you might get burned. Even though you felt up to the task of dealing with her.

 

Man after reading your story it just upped my resolve never to break NC until I'm 110% recovered if then..and too never over estimate my recovery.

 

On the positive side. You really showed how strong you were/are by even being able to be in contact that much with her until all the stitches finally got yanked. I wouldn't have lasted even 1 meeting.

 

Sorry man. Hang strong. Cav

Edited January 13, 2013 by cavalier99

[puzzled1]

Boy she well and truly yanked your chain, didn't she?

What a mare....

 

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that - but look on the positive: You are a living breathing witness and testimony that 'going back' and re-igniting a relationship, to any satisfactory degree is rare.

Rarer than Rocking horse droppings.

 

You opened your good and willing heart up to the possibility of a good thing - only to have your hopes dashed.

 

I hope you gave her a real shot across the bows.... She is some piece of work.

Attention-grabbing little egotist.

 

"Fool me once more fool you.

Fool me twice more fool me."

 

You won't, to quote 'The Who', get fooled again. (No, no, no!)

 

I told her "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, F you!" lol

 

This girl is so out of her head. How can you be friends with me and expect me to be okay while you go out with your boy friend. I dont get it!!

 

Sorry you got played. What a b*tch. You'll recover quicker this time and seem to have the right attitude. No false hope or overconfidence this time!

 

I guess moral of the story is if you play with fire you might get burned. Even though you felt up to the task of dealing with her.

 

Man after reading your story it just upped my resolve never to break NC until I'm 110% recovered if then..and too never over estimate my recovery.

 

On the positive side. You really showed how strong you were/are by even being able to be in contact that much with her until all the stitches finally got yanked. I wouldn't have lasted even 1 meeting.

 

Sorry man. Hang strong. Cav

 

The thing is, the whole 3.5 years into this relationship, she was my best friend. Honestly told her all my secrets and life. I guess she misses being a friend but not a lover. Her loss not mine...

[cavalier99]

I told her "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, F you!" lol

 

This girl is so out of her head. How can you be friends with me and expect me to be okay while you go out with your boy friend. I dont get it!!

 

 

 

The thing is, the whole 3.5 years into this relationship, she was my best friend. Honestly told her all my secrets and life. I guess she misses being a friend but not a lover. Her loss not mine...

 

Well looks like she lost her chance of even being civil with you down the road after this stunt. And if she is single and wants back that boat has now sailed. I hope she knows this!

 

You absolutely right. Her loss! Never look back. Rock on!

Edited January 13, 2013 by cavalier99

[Quest4_TheLost]

Sorry to hear about what happend. Don't be to hard on yourself. The reality of it all is love is a risk. It dosen't matter if thats a new partner or a second chance. Your always taking risks by opening up to somone. If we deny ourselves taking those risks, we will all end up bitter and alone.

 

You took the risk but atleast now you truly know.. Some of us die to know about the what (ifs) wether it hurts or not. You took a leap but as with everything we take the good with the bad.

 

Wishing you the best

[puzzled1]

Thank you guys! This really helps me lift my head up. Love doesn't fight fair

 

I know in a couple of weeks I will be back to where I was before she came and ruined it all again.

 

The things that annoyed me in my relationship are the things I miss about her. Is that weird?

[na49]

No because if you have all those annoying things about her. It means you have her. That's what you want. Her. and all of her problems that you looked past because that's what people do when they're in love.

 

BS that she's sorry. She's not sorry for anything she did. She's sorry that it bothered you, not sorry that she did it. You were the last thing on her mind when she pulled this whole stunt.

 

NC starts now (or it started already). Don't crack. I found myself in a similar situation. "I miss you" texts and "I really want to talk to you" texts just messed with my head more and is making it harder for me to move on. Block her from all contact (block/change your number) if you don't want to fall into her traps again. You probably won't do that though. Or don't block her if you like the drama of it as much as I did.

[puzzled1]

Soooo, NC didn't last too long. She texted me last night saying "Well you got your way, I have to break up with him"

 

I told her I am not telling her to do that... She sounds depressed and confused on her texts, she said she has been having panic attacks and she needs me to put some sense in her head. I was cold and said that I cant be your friend right now because its not appropriate. I said to her, she is being really selfish. I also said if you need someone to speak to, talk to a counselor.

 

She then asked me why I am being so cold to her and if I have any other girls in my life. I told her that its wintertime and its freezing outside (LOL) She then sent me a picture of us with the caption, "feel bad for being a jerk yet" and I never responded.

[na49]

I give you props for handling this the way you have been. I know that if my ex came knocking, I'd probably run and take her back in a second without thinking even though she hurt me so bad.

 

She sounds really confused and is playing games. I have to feel for the guy who she just dumped. She definitely is selfish, she isn't taking anyone's feelings into account but her own.