WirelessBrain Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Okay, this may seem like a really silly thing to say/ask on a forum of this nature but hear me out. I was with someone for 2 years, I previously made a completely "woe is me" thread only about 3 months ago on this very forum. We split up in August last year (After several bad breakups throughout). I was crushed...again, he had walked away...again. We got back together in November time and then he broke up with me on Boxing Day. I was crushed again for the first 2 days and then just...stopped. By stopped I mean I care for him, think of him now and then but I just can't seem to be sad, in fact for once I am actually really enjoying my life, planning new things with friends, going out more, enjoying a life without the arguing. Now it has only been 3 weeks and sometimes I keep expecting to have a breakdown but I don't think I will. I have cried...once? I tried to last night...was feeling a little down (normal down, not breakup down) and then my mind wandered to him...but I couldn't cry...nothing? I just couldn't be sad? Now, you may be like "Oh yes you're over him good for you" but the thing is that I am actually sad because i'm not sad? If that makes sense. Like i'm doing really well but part of me is sad because i'm not heartbroken... ...is this normal? Am I just going crazy and maybe addicted to pain? Aha? Anyone else felt this way before? Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I'd imagine the reason that you aren't heartbroken is because you weren't in love with him. As for being sad that you're not sad? I have no idea. Maybe you already grieved breaking up once, so now that you broke up again, it seems like more of a relief that it's over than sad because he's gone. You guys went 3 months without each other before getting back together, so you had a pretty good idea of what life would be like without each other. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 (edited) I was just discussing this with ScienceGal earlier. She had a real deep insight that i thought was awesome. I'm having trouble being too upset the last couple of days after the "i miss her crisis" you helped me with. Its like im so used to being upset and effed up that this has become normal. I almost feel strange that I'm not more tormented. Guess ill be grateful for this. Just weird. It will be 4 months NC soon..is it too early to be feeling better? I know isnt that the dumbest question ever. But i mean it. On some level, I think we're all terrified of indifference because when we reach it, that's when its finally over. The emotional connection to that person is gone (or at least diminished enough that they aren't our primary thought anymore). Even if you've fully accepted it's over, going from one set of emotions (sad/angry/mainly negative) to another set (happier) is still a transition. It's awkward and unfamiliar. I like to call it the breakup after the breakup. Wow that was deep. Thanks. Ive never seen this discussed here. Maybe ill start a thread. I think it is too early for me to celebrate..need to hold on tightly to the pain now lol...you insight is threatening my current reality of the last months and scaring the sh*t out of me..lol Haha. It's all gooood totally normal too. Edited January 19, 2013 by cavalier99 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Above post has it right I think, you're sad because you're over them and no longer connected to them and know they are out of your life for good. Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Strange how people that want to reach indifference find it so hard to get there. And seems like you got there before the relationship really ended. there must have been something along the way that made it this way. you should be happy you don't have to feel this! don't over think it Lols. Accept it and be happy Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 You are sad your not sad... because a chapter in you life is finally completely over. And there is no going back ever (to the good times or bad) so it is somewhat unsettling. Even though this is objectively a good thing it is a change/transition and you need to adjust to the new feelings like ScienceGal said. Link to post Share on other sites
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