I failed

[newsbug]

I broke NC yesterday. I don't think I'm feeling that bad about it really. I'm not feeling good about it, like it didn't really make me feel better, but it didn't make me feel worse. I emailed him to see how he was doing and I wanted to vent about my cousin to him. He asked how I was doing and I told him I was horrible and broken but I was trying to be okay. He actually had the nerve to ask why I was broken. So I told him all the thoughts that were going through my mind about us and the questions. He just said I had no idea how bad he felt. Yeah, well big ****. I feel worse. And then I asked him if he missed me at all or if he was really just happy with her. He answered with, "I miss you, yes." That was it. I then said, but you are happy with her. And then I told him how the thing that makes me the saddest is how he should have come to me and talked and tried to figure out what was going wrong instead of just leaving me for her. That he gave up on us. That I know he loved me so much but now it's just over because of her. That he gave up on us. He just said he was sorry and wished he could do something to make things ok. I then apologized and said I didn't mean to bring up all of that. I just wanted to say hi and complain about the cousin. I asked him if he had started his new job and he said yes. I have now started wondering if I want to try and stay friends with him, but I also know it would be for the wrong reasons. It would be because I feel like if I was his friend then it would be easier for him to leave her for me again. But then I would be his second choice. And there's nothing written saying he would ever leave her for me. Maybe she is his perfect person and they will get married. I dunno. I lastly texted him that I had just gotten home and the brother had bought a huge tv. He never responded. And it drove me crazy all night trying to think of something else to say. I told him I didn't want to not know him, but I was really sad and angry still. Is it at all possible to stay friends with him? Even if it's just to help ease this pain I have a little? I know it would be just a crutch. And it would make saying good bye to him even harder in the end. But he didn't even reply which means he could care less. He has his new girl...she's his number 1 now. Not me. And I will never be again. I just want to feel happy and loved again. I want to text him now and just say Hi and how's it going...but I know it will also seem desperate and sad if I keep clinging to him when he wants to be with her. Even if he stays polite and keeps saying hi back. This stinks. It's like an addiction and I'm supposed to stop it cold turkey but I can't. I don't want to. But I know it's the best way to get over it. Ugh. I don't know what to do!

[TaraMaiden]

....If anyone wants me, I'm just over here, banging this here head against that there wall.....

 

So now you know.

 

Breaking NC Royally sucks.

 

Big time.

 

You didn't get the response you were craving - in fact, he rather thoughtlessly indicated he was hurting badly - yet made it obvious he wasn't going to budge (and neither will he) from being with her.....

 

Cold turkey, it is.

 

It's your only way.

You can't be friends with him while you still love him, it can't be done.

You can't be friends with him and keep in touch because eventually, both he AND she will get truly pissed off with it.

You can't be friends with him because you need to move on and heal....

 

Yup.

 

Cold turkey it is.

 

There is no other way.

Can YOU think of another way?

 

No.

 

Thought not............

[destroyed4sho]

Ughhh...oh goodness. Wtf??? He misses you? Its a lie. You think he will be a crutch if your friends with him? Just the opposite ! You will be disabled for.a long.time.

Everytime you open a conversation with him, he will respond out of guilt not because he desires to speak with you. As soon as he feels he gave you enough.to placate his guilt he will fade. His responses will get shorter and far in between unil he just flat out starts to ignore you. And ita goig to hurt.like a bitch!

I guess its confirmed he left you for someone else right?

He is not thinking about you, he is thinking about his brand new exciting relationship!!!

 

What you need to do is..........NC FOREVER.

nd try to concentrate on findin someone else that will love you again.

[newsbug]

....If anyone wants me, I'm just over here, banging this here head against that there wall.....

 

So now you know.

 

Breaking NC Royally sucks.

 

Big time.

 

You didn't get the response you were craving - in fact, he rather thoughtlessly indicated he was hurting badly - yet made it obvious he wasn't going to budge (and neither will he) from being with her.....

 

Cold turkey, it is.

 

It's your only way.

You can't be friends with him while you still love him, it can't be done.

You can't be friends with him and keep in touch because eventually, both he AND she will get truly pissed off with it.

You can't be friends with him because you need to move on and heal....

 

Yup.

 

Cold turkey it is.

 

There is no other way.

Can YOU think of another way?

 

No.

 

Thought not............

 

 

I know you're right. And I was hearing you screaming in my ear the whole time I was chatting with him yesterday. I guess I just needed another hit. He said everything I knew he would say, so contacting him didn't do anything. I know NC is the best way for me to heal, but I don't want to not know him. I don't want to lose him. But..I know I've already lost him. It just sucks. It's so hard to go from having a partner that I talked to all day everyday to having nothing. Just like that. But you are right. The only thing I don't agree with is I could give a sh*t if she gets pissed off at us keeping in touch. Eff her.

 

Ugh...I hate this!

[newsbug]

Ughhh...oh goodness. Wtf??? He misses you? Its a lie. You think he will be a crutch if your friends with him? Just the opposite ! You will be disabled for.a long.time.

Everytime you open a conversation with him, he will respond out of guilt not because he desires to speak with you. As soon as he feels he gave you enough.to placate his guilt he will fade. His responses will get shorter and far in between unil he just flat out starts to ignore you. And ita goig to hurt.like a bitch!

I guess its confirmed he left you for someone else right?

He is not thinking about you, he is thinking about his brand new exciting relationship!!!

 

What you need to do is..........NC FOREVER.

nd try to concentrate on findin someone else that will love you again.

 

I don't think he lied when he said he missed me. But I also don't think it matters. He may really miss me...we were best friends and were in constant contact all the time. We were supposed to get married. But he doesn't miss me enough to leave her or admit he made a mistake. When he said he didn't know how to make things okay again, all I wanted to say was leave her and stop being an asshat. But I can't make him want to be with me and not her. I just wish he would tell me what she has that I don't. How is she making him happier than I was. He loved me so much...I know that is true. How could he love me that much and then just change his mind when he started talking to another girl? How could he just throw us away? But him not responding to my last text is already the big sign that he is just being nice to me by chatting. I know he forgot to respond because he was up her ass instead. It just hurts so much. I just wanted something to make the hurt stop. The contact didn't make the pain go all the way away, it just felt nice hearing from him. But I know it can't go on. I just hate this.

[cavalier99]

Sorry your hurting. But contacting him is like hitting your self over the head with a 2 by 4. It is a really bad idea and will delay your healing a lot. You cant be friends period. Cav

[BUBS]

I was left by my fiance for another girl so i understand the compulsion to ask "why her and not me?" or " what do i lack that she has?" ... Truth is she probably has attributes you dont, and you have attributes she doesnt. At the end of the day the main thing she has that you dont is that she is new and you are familiar. Hes conparing honeymoon fluff feelings with that of a comfortable and less mysterious relationship. This isnt to say they are more or less conpatible, we have no clue...i know with my ex we got along even on our worst days better than anything ive experienced with anyone else. Point is that your one downfall may simply be that you knew him well. He could no longer feel excited about portraying his best qualities because you had seen his worst. Its just a theory, but god knows we put out all the stops in the beginning, and portray the most ideal version of ourselves. A lot of falling in love is based on a boosted self confidence internally, and as time passes you feel less exciting. New fancy girl walks in and makes him feel like hes the greatest thing since sliced bread, all his stories and values, dreams and hopes can be fresh and new again, shared with someone that has never heard them before with twinkling eyes. Of course its not the only reason but it probably plays a significant role...maybe not. Do what you have to in order to make urself feel better. The other posters are right, whether he cares or not if hes not initiating contact with you, leaving her or anything else, then he is responding out of guilt...and by making urself readily available to him, you are helping ween him off of you. No contact.

[na49]

Self control.

 

You need it. Badly. Or else you'll text him again tomorrow.

[newsbug]

I have deleted his number again and I deleted the history on my phone so now I can't text him. I have his email address deleted but it still comes up when I go to email someone. I need to figure out how to get rid of that. I knew better than to contact him yesterday and every since he didn't respond to the last text I have felt horrible. I know he just ignored it. And it hurts so much to know that I'm the person he's ignoring now. Probably because he's hanging out with her. I have no idea how this happened and I never will. So NC is in effect again. Maybe now that I just smacked myself in the head with reality it will be easier. I don't have a choice any longer either way. So I will try and keep my head up and wait to feel like a normal human again. I spent all day with my family and nothing was funny. Nothing made me happy. I smiled at my Daddy when he walked over to me and I kept the smile on my face when he asked me if I was getting any better. I told him not even a little bit. But...maybe I lied a little since I was able to keep the smile on my face even as the tears started to form. Just one day without crying would be nice. One day where I am able to actually laugh at something again. One of these days....

[Debbie2508]

I know just how you feel newsbug. I broke NC yesterday too! Something really good happened to me and I just wanted to tell him. I simply texted him what'd happened and he texted back to say well done . It was nice to know we can be civil and I went to bed feeling a bit happier than usual..... but this morning, the aching emptiness is back! Not sure if I regret sending the message or not... time will tell, I guess.

[Coping Vortex]

I broke NC yesterday. I don't think I'm feeling that bad about it really. I'm not feeling good about it, like it didn't really make me feel better, but it didn't make me feel worse. I emailed him to see how he was doing and I wanted to vent about my cousin to him. He asked how I was doing and I told him I was horrible and broken but I was trying to be okay. He actually had the nerve to ask why I was broken. So I told him all the thoughts that were going through my mind about us and the questions. He just said I had no idea how bad he felt. Yeah, well big ****. I feel worse. And then I asked him if he missed me at all or if he was really just happy with her. He answered with, "I miss you, yes." That was it. I then said, but you are happy with her. And then I told him how the thing that makes me the saddest is how he should have come to me and talked and tried to figure out what was going wrong instead of just leaving me for her. That he gave up on us. That I know he loved me so much but now it's just over because of her. That he gave up on us. He just said he was sorry and wished he could do something to make things ok. I then apologized and said I didn't mean to bring up all of that. I just wanted to say hi and complain about the cousin. I asked him if he had started his new job and he said yes. I have now started wondering if I want to try and stay friends with him, but I also know it would be for the wrong reasons. It would be because I feel like if I was his friend then it would be easier for him to leave her for me again. But then I would be his second choice. And there's nothing written saying he would ever leave her for me. Maybe she is his perfect person and they will get married. I dunno. I lastly texted him that I had just gotten home and the brother had bought a huge tv. He never responded. And it drove me crazy all night trying to think of something else to say. I told him I didn't want to not know him, but I was really sad and angry still. Is it at all possible to stay friends with him? Even if it's just to help ease this pain I have a little? I know it would be just a crutch. And it would make saying good bye to him even harder in the end. But he didn't even reply which means he could care less. He has his new girl...she's his number 1 now. Not me. And I will never be again. I just want to feel happy and loved again. I want to text him now and just say Hi and how's it going...but I know it will also seem desperate and sad if I keep clinging to him when he wants to be with her. Even if he stays polite and keeps saying hi back. This stinks. It's like an addiction and I'm supposed to stop it cold turkey but I can't. I don't want to. But I know it's the best way to get over it. Ugh. I don't know what to do!

 

Wow sounds like a conversation I had with my ex. Eerily familiar.

[newsbug]

I know just how you feel newsbug. I broke NC yesterday too! Something really good happened to me and I just wanted to tell him. I simply texted him what'd happened and he texted back to say well done . It was nice to know we can be civil and I went to bed feeling a bit happier than usual..... but this morning, the aching emptiness is back! Not sure if I regret sending the message or not... time will tell, I guess.

 

 

I'm still not completely sure if I hate myself for breaking the NC. It sucks because now I know for sure that he doesn't care about me anymore...that's why he didn't reply to the last text. It hurts but now I really, really know. It hasn't made the emptiness or the constant barf feeling in my stomach go away, but I think it's made me except it more. I just wish I could make the voices in my head stop so I can sleep without constantly waking up with that pitfall feeling every few minutes. And I wish I could enjoy stuff again. I wish I still had my security....my best friend. But I don't. I'm thinking about going to the doctor tomorrow to see about getting on anti depressants or anti anxiety meds. I just need a little peace in my mind.

[newsbug]

So, I didn't break NC, but my friend told me that he changed his status on facebook to "in a relationship" with the girl he left me for. I didn't ask her to look or anything..she just told me. Thought it would be better for me to know. I'm not sure if it is. On one hand, at least the anger has come back and is covering up the sadness, but geeze, wtf kind of person can go from telling you they love you and want to spend their life with you to two weeks later saying the same thing to another person?! And what kind of person is she when she knew he was engaged and she got involved with him anyways?! They are both *******s and I hope karma kicks them in their two timing asses! Also for the first time I can say that I'm glad this happened now than us actually getting married and then him doing this. I just don't think he knows what real love is. He knows what's easy and in front of his face...not what's deep and worth fighting for. Eff him. And eff her. They deserve each other. Nasty pieces of ****.

[TaraMaiden]

Karma won't do anything, because that's not what Karma does.

 

Karma doesn't mean vengeance or come-uppance.

 

It simply means 'Action' and is a simple process.

It doesn't kick ass or wreak revenge.

It just 'is'.

 

This is my own personal one-person campaign to educate those who bandy the 'karma' word around without even knowing what it really means.

 

If nothing else, this at least, you have learned today.

 

[McDonald]

There is no need to make yourself feel worse because you sent a message. We are all human. No one is perfect. We make mistakes. Everyone has the urge to send there ex a message because it keeps that "door" open even if it may seem like it's already completely closed.

They left for a reason. It may not be understandable, but you have to realize that they made the choice to leave.

 

With that, any message you send won't change his mind. That's why we send these messages to our ex right? It's not truly because we want to remain friends, there's more too it. Most likely, you are trying to illicit a response that you know won't happen. Yes it sucks but if they wanted us back, if they realized they made a mistake, they would reach out to us. We should not have to reach out to them because, it won't work.

 

I've been on NC for almost two months now and yes I complain and bit*h about it. I say how much I want to text her. Its everywhere on these forums lol but the fact is that I have not broken NC. I'm so messed up in the head about MY breakup that if I can do it, then I'm sure you can do it too. My ex left me for someone else. They are undeserving of us.

 

(Now lets see if I can follow my own advice lol)

Edited February 25, 2013 by McDonald

[newsbug]

There is no need to make yourself feel worse because you sent a message. We are all human. No one is perfect. We make mistakes. Everyone has the urge to send there ex a message because it keeps that "door" open even if it may seem like it's already completely closed.

They left for a reason. It may not be understandable, but you have to realize that they made the choice to leave.

 

With that, any message you send won't change his mind. That's why we send these messages to our ex right? It's not truly because we want to remain friends, there's more too it. Most likely, you are trying to illicit a response that you know won't happen. Yes it sucks but if they wanted us back, if they realized they made a mistake, they would reach out to us. We should not have to reach out to them because, it won't work.

 

I've been on NC for almost two months now and yes I complain and bit*h about it. I say how much I want to text her. Its everywhere on these forums lol but the fact is that I have not broken NC. I'm so messed up in the head about MY breakup that if I can do it, then I'm sure you can do it too. My ex left me for someone else. They are undeserving of us.

 

(Now lets see if I can follow my own advice lol)

 

Exactly. I have no idea what happened, or what I did to make him leave me for her. But the fact is he did. If it was something about me then he should have talked to me about it. We were engaged! We were supposed to spend our life together...but I guess she just seemed way less complicated. I'll never know the answer. But hearing that he actually changed his status today makes me think there is something very wrong with him. I don't know if he just got scared or if the problems was always there...but there's no way a person can go from being so in love with one person one day and then so in love with another person the next. Not if they are normal. We had a great life together, but it's over. Eff him.

 

I wonder how much money I can get for the engagement ring? Anyone interested? I have a wedding dress I need to hock too.

[TaraMaiden]

If you're being serious - sadly, the engagement ring is not yours to sell.

 

It still, technically belongs to him.

It doesn't matter that he 'broke the contract' - it is a promissory token.

A token given on the proviso that marriage will take place.

he ended the relationship, but sadly, I think you will find the ring is still his.

 

Keep it for a year.

If in that time, he doesn't mention it or ask for it back, then I think you would be entitled to dispose of it. but I would currently be very wary of your actions now, regarding the ring.......

[newsbug]

I have the ring and all of this stuff boxed up and in the attic for now. I was going to take it all to goodwill, but then I thought I should hold onto everything for just a bit in case he wants anything back, but I wanted it out of my sight at least. I've been trying to be the bigger person here and not act like a fool. I seriously doubt I'm going to ever hear from him again. He will feel too guilty to even throw out a breadcrumb to me. Which is fine.

[iouaname]

Aw, I'm sorry hon! That must have been tough for you to hear. As hard as it might be, try to look on the bright side - now you're available for someone better.

[newsbug]

Aw, I'm sorry hon! That must have been tough for you to hear. As hard as it might be, try to look on the bright side - now you're available for someone better.

 

 

I'm feeling fairly stable at the moment. Of course I'm sad and still confused as to what happened and why he never tried to work on anything...he just left me for the other girl even though he told me many times how he couldn't wait to be my husband. He loved me more than any guy ever did. But he's not the same guy that told me that. Something changed and that person I don't like anymore. He's just a complete ******* now. And if that's how he is, then it's best it happened now instead of later. It sucks, but I will be okay. I just wish I could erase the memories of us as fast as he did.

[iouaname]

It sounds like he has issues of his own, because I struggle to imagine that someone who jumps so quickly from an engagement to a new relationship has a total grasp on himself.

[newsbug]

That's what everyone has told me but I think it has finally sunk in. I can only imagine what his family and friends think. Two weeks ago he was engaged to me and now he's in a relationship with that girl. And there's nothing I can do about this, but I really hope no one is trash talking me. I know I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was love a trust a guy that ended up being a cheating liar in the end. Maybe it was just a fear of commitment. Like he wanted to get married until it was about to happen and then he freaked. I know he was engaged before and now it makes me wonder if this is how it went with her. He told me they were just fighting too much. Who knows.

[Debbie2508]

I'm wondering which is worse ..... your fiancé left you for another girl and mine just left me to be on his own. Like you, i did nothing wrong and we didnt argue.It must be horrendous for you to think of him with someone else,but I wonder if it makes it easier for you to get over, as presumably you hate him and are angry(probably the understatement of the year!). I don't hate my fiancé and I'm not angry at him, although I'm told I should be ..... just feel so sad about it all.

[newsbug]

I'm wondering which is worse ..... your fiancé left you for another girl and mine just left me to be on his own. Like you, i did nothing wrong and we didnt argue.It must be horrendous for you to think of him with someone else,but I wonder if it makes it easier for you to get over, as presumably you hate him and are angry(probably the understatement of the year!). I don't hate my fiancé and I'm not angry at him, although I'm told I should be ..... just feel so sad about it all.

 

I've been feeling that way for two weeks, but hearing that he is publicly in a relationship took away all the feelings that maybe he was just confused and trying to figure stuff out. I know it sucks either way, but I'm kind of glad to have the anger to take over for the lost and sadness. I don't know if it will last, but I hope so.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. Just know you're not alone...if that helps at all.

[Debbie2508]

Thanks, it does help to know I'm not the only one going thru this. Just need some of your anger.....