landangel Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 So I've been in an on/off open relationship with a woman for 6 years, we will refer to her as my Ex. She fell deeply in love early on. I was not ready to commit as my feelings for her were not as strong as her feelings for me. She got a BF one day but kept seeing me and was still sexual with me. About 2 months later I got a GF. This upset my Ex very much and for about a month she showed me nothing but hate. In this scenario you can assume that I am the dumper and she is the dumpee. When she cooled off she started asking to see me again and she still expressed her feelings of love for me. I was hesitant at first because of all the awful things she had been saying the month before but I still went of see her. I started to feel that my feelings for her had changed and I wanted to explore maybe getting back together. I refused to sleep with her that night and her attitude changed. She went from expressing her feelings for me to throwing her BF in my face. Since that point she has been contacting me less and less. About 2 weeks later we went out on a date and she was all over me. Held my hand, kissed me, we were semi-sexual, she said she wanted to see me again when I asked, and at the end of the night she told me in a very serious way that she wanted to have my children and I need to hurry because of her age. I felt good about the prospects of getting back together but I didn't want to rush her. I contacted her a few days later and she was very cold. I asked if she would like to see me again and she "I don't really know, I do know its not a good idea". Granted I know she has a BF and she knows I have a GF, but none of that seemed to bother her before and certainly not the other night we went out. I am confused how she could go from where she was a month before expressing her love and trying to sleep with me etc. and now that I am trying to make an effort, NOW she says its not a good idea. I know she still loves me as she has kept in contact me with me and showed it in other ways, she even told me she still loves me last month. She does have a BF, but I think she is getting more comfortable knowing i am around and even more so now that ive made attempts to see her. She is contacting me less and less now. My question is would it be a good idea to disappear and go NC or a while by blocking her from calling or texting me so its out of my mind? I would reappear after 2 or 3 months but for now go NC to give her a sense of what it's like for me NOT to be around? Side note: -my question about going NC has nothing to do with letting her move on or me letting go. -Coming straight out and telling her I love her, or I want to be with her, or I want a relationship are not options here. My question is strictly would NC help give her a sense of loss and appreciation for me being gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author landangel Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 Um ok, not the best way to start off a thread. Do you have a more specific answer as it relates to the question asked in the OP? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Um ok, not the best way to start off a thread. Do you have a more specific answer as it relates to the question asked in the OP? You think you can use NC to manipulate her into coming back to you, but I would think usually the results that comes out of trying to play with fire means it will always burn you in the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author landangel Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 You think you can use NC to manipulate her into coming back to you, but I would think usually the results that comes out of trying to play with fire means it will always burn you in the end. So what are you saying? It would work, it wouldn't work? I am only asking if that is a viable option to pique her interest again? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 So what are you saying? It would work, it wouldn't work? I am only asking if that is a viable option to pique her interest again? I don't know it can be either way because I'm not a fortune teller and i don't have a crystal ball that tells me the future. It is however, a viable option for you to move on instead of staying in limbo. If you choose to stay in limbo, I can tell you what will happen. You will miserable, depressed and desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 There's nothing with my answer. When you attempt to "pique" someone's interest in you by deliberately using a healing technique with the desire to manipulate the person's emotions, that is disingenuous and shaky ground to start a relationship on. If you want to go NC to heal and move on, fine. In my personal experience, dumpers tend to come back when you don't chase them. But you should consider long and hard how healthy a relationship you can have, if you need to manipulate a person's emotions. I would add on to this, they come back when you don't chase them and you noticeably improve yourself in more than just physical appearance. But to answer the question, nobody knows if NC will make her come back because there is no way to really do that other than moving on and improving without worrying about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Break up with your current girlfriend. That's the first thing you need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedguy81 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 This will end well I can tell.... It sounds like you two have been playing games with one another for awhile and it sounds like you want to keep playing games. No contact may make her miss you and if it does and she comes back, this stuff will happen again I'm sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author landangel Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 This will end well I can tell.... It sounds like you two have been playing games with one another for awhile and it sounds like you want to keep playing games. No contact may make her miss you and if it does and she comes back, this stuff will happen again I'm sure. All things aside, is going NC the best thing for me to do right now. I've asked her if we could see each other and although she did not say no she was hesitant. I don't want to put myself too far out there and seem desperate. Is NC the best option right no as she is in a rebound relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) Read the title of the thread. "Make" her miss me. Why are you trying to make anyone do anything? That is the definition of manipulation. Let her do what she wants how she wants. If she wants to miss you, she will. If she doesn't want to miss you, she won't, and you'll be better off for it. You can't make anyone do anything. And even if you do, it will only be a temporary change in attitude. True change only occurs when the individual comes to that behavior/attitude on their own. Edited November 20, 2013 by reddragon588 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author landangel Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 Read the title of the thread. "Make" her miss me. Why are you trying to make anyone do anything? That is the definition of manipulation. Let her do what she wants how she wants. If she wants to miss you, she will. If she doesn't want to miss you, she won't, and you'll be better off for it. You can't make anyone do anything. And even if you do, it will only be a temporary change in attitude. Then let me rephrase the question. Given what has conspired to date in the OP, is NC a more logical choice given that she has rebuffed my request. Would she be more likely to miss miss? Link to post Share on other sites
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