Being an introvert and heartbroken at the same time

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I never liked crowds or big parties, or being around a whole bunch of people. I enjoy being by myself; my door closed, watching Netflix alone. Listening to music, headphones in and zoning out. I dig deep in reading a book and getting so into it that I detach from my own life. I like shopping alone, getting coffee alone, going to the gym by myself and zoning out.

 

I have friends and family, I'm not technically alone. I do things with them, but when I'm by myself I don't have to worry about anything or impress anybody. I can just be me and I'm comfortable with that. In a way, when I don't develop relationships/friendships, I don't have to worry about losing that person or getting in a fight with them or caring too much about them...or them just walking away.

 

But being an introvert and recently heartbroken, it's gotten worse. I have no ambition, no motivation, no desire to go out. I wake up and get excited to be alone. But then I think "how can that be a good thing?" I get so into my head sometimes that I get into a weird state of mind. I feel alone, but I know it's because I am and I chose to be.

 

What I used to be comfortable with, being an introvert, has now kind of haunted me being heartbroken. I feel even more alone and scared. I don't want to do anything.

 

People always say that it hurts at night and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3 am is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken. But sometimes, it's 9am on a Sunday morning and you're standing at the kitchen counter waiting for the toast to pop up and the smell of dusty sunlight and earl grey tea makes you him so much you don't know what to do with your hands.

 

It's awful trying to make the one who isn't in love with you, love you again. It's impossible and I don't know how to let that go.

Edited December 1, 2013 by BlessYourCottonSocks

[elbe]

Are you a man or a woman? Just curious. Man here and can totally relate. I love being an introvert because parties suck, bars suck, crowds suck, and why not drink coffee all day?

 

It does come to a point where you start to lose friends over this personality trait. I find I get lonely and go out once or twice which serves as a reminder why I like staying at home...

 

First of all, forget about this last person. I know that's easier said than done - but that energy could serve you so much better put into a hobby.

 

I wound up getting a dog. I'm not sure I would recommend it, since he is a crazy puppy, but I love him. Sometimes that kind of company is where it's at.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I am a woman :-) I love coffee too!!! YUM

 

Being an introvert is like when a coworker asks you "How was your weekend?" and you say "Great! I didn't see anyone for TWO days!"

 

I love just staying in and watching movies by myself or with one other person is fine, but anymore than that I just am not excited about. And you're right, when I go out once in awhile it just reminds me how much I enjoy staying in.

 

My hobby is reading and writing. I should go the gym today, but it's one of those days I just don't want to go out.

 

My ex just came in my room and gives me a hug and then asks me why my door is shut. I don't think he understands introverts and the fact that we like to be alone. He asked if he could keep my door open. It's weird when he walks into my room and says nothing to me.

 

 

Are you a man or a woman? Just curious. Man here and can totally relate. I love being an introvert because parties suck, bars suck, crowds suck, and why not drink coffee all day?

 

It does come to a point where you start to lose friends over this personality trait. I find I get lonely and go out once or twice which serves as a reminder why I like staying at home...

 

First of all, forget about this last person. I know that's easier said than done - but that energy could serve you so much better put into a hobby.

 

I wound up getting a dog. I'm not sure I would recommend it, since he is a crazy puppy, but I love him. Sometimes that kind of company is where it's at.

[reddragon588]

Find other people with similar interests. You like reading and writing? Join a book club. Check out meetup.com and find a social group of people with similar interests.

[elbe]

My hobby is reading and writing. I should go the gym today, but it's one of those days I just don't want to go out.

 

My ex just came in my room and gives me a hug and then asks me why my door is shut. I don't think he understands introverts and the fact that we like to be alone. He asked if he could keep my door open. It's weird when he walks into my room and says nothing to me.

 

I'm even worse than you.. I work out at home ..

 

You are living with your ex? How did that happen...

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Find other people with similar interests. You like reading and writing? Join a book club. Check out meetup.com and find a social group of people with similar interests.

 

I don't want to be in groups or anything silly. haha I just explained I'm an introvert. I like reading and writing by myself. I wouldn't be able to think if people were around me.

 

I have a few close friends that I see once in awhile. I am SO content with that. They are great friendships. But I don't need to see/talk to them every day.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I'm even worse than you.. I work out at home ..

 

You are living with your ex? How did that happen...

 

I had given up my apartment to move in with him. The day before I move in he tells me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you. I want to make you happy but fail to do that because it conflicts with how I feel" (funny how I have that memorized)

 

I still moved in because I had nowhere to go and all my stuff is here at his house. He is decent to me, nice and is going to let me stay as long as I need too. But I haven't had the chance to heal since I see him every day and last night we cuddled in bed together.

 

He is a commitment phobe I think and doesn't know what he wants. He said he is an extrovert though. I am not. I guess that's a huge difference. But I always thought of him to be an introvert because he doesn't do much and only has a handful of close friends. He likes his alone time just as much as I do. He's not a party person and doesn't go out on Friday nights. He likes to do things by himself a lot and he is always deep in his mind. Anyways...

[2fargone]

I guess I am the same... Like to be by myself, don't go out. I don't buy into the being alone not being good and whatnot.

 

 

I don't have facebook, I have like 5 people on Skype. I do however play an online game that keeps me busy. Although it is where I 'met' my ex.

 

 

Give it time, it will all come. Everything will become as comfortable as it was again.

[elbe]

Sorry for going there.. but moving on when living with your ex is nearly impossible especially if you are still holding out for him. I've been there a hundred times.

 

If you are anything like me you value one good friendship/relationship over hundreds of tiny inadequate ones. If you are lucky you can find another really special friendship to work on. If it is with a guy however prepare for some serious jealousy!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

My ex just came into my room and tickled me and said I should go to school for Psychology and I asked why and he said because I like to figure people out.

 

Then he was eating breakfast and told me to come here and he tried tickling me again.

 

But then I was making fish for lunch and I accidentally dried my hands with the towel after touching the raw fish and he's like "you just don't think" and was getting mad at me and made me feel embarrassed.

 

He is up and down.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Sorry for going there.. but moving on when living with your ex is nearly impossible especially if you are still holding out for him. I've been there a hundred times.

 

If you are anything like me you value one good friendship/relationship over hundreds of tiny inadequate ones. If you are lucky you can find another really special friendship to work on. If it is with a guy however prepare for some serious jealousy!

 

Well I have this guy friend that I got in touch with since my ex broke it off. He knows about him and is very jealous and upset that I am going to be hanging out with this guy.

 

But what right does he have?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I guess I am the same... Like to be by myself, don't go out. I don't buy into the being alone not being good and whatnot.

 

 

I don't have facebook, I have like 5 people on Skype. I do however play an online game that keeps me busy. Although it is where I 'met' my ex.

 

 

Give it time, it will all come. Everything will become as comfortable as it was again.

 

Good, glad I'm not alone and people understand.

 

I hope it does get better, I just feel down now. He confuses me soo much. Does he love me or not?

[reddragon588]

I don't want to be in groups or anything silly. haha I just explained I'm an introvert. I like reading and writing by myself. I wouldn't be able to think if people were around me.

 

I have a few close friends that I see once in awhile. I am SO content with that. They are great friendships. But I don't need to see/talk to them every day.

 

You're going to have a hard time healing if you don't take yourself out of your comfort zone. If you're heartbroken, doing the same thing will only keep you feeling the same feelings.

[elbe]

Well I have this guy friend that I got in touch with since my ex broke it off. He knows about him and is very jealous and upset that I am going to be hanging out with this guy.

 

But what right does he have?

 

Well, you are living with him... not that he has any "rights" to you per say. I get pretty sick to my stomach seeing any of my Ex's with another man.

[CAdude82]

I'm a guy and also an introvert. I like being introverted to some extent. I just shut down around big groups of people. I am way more comfy with one or two people. When I need to process things, I have to be alone and I shut myself off from the rest of the world so I can think. However, during my breakup, I have reached out to Everyone I know. I broke up six months ago, but stupidly kept in touch with him over those months which prolonged the heartbreak to today. I go to the gym and work out in a small group of people. I have become semi-friends with a couple of them. I have spoken to them about my ex just to try to get different people's takes on things. I don't think being introverted has anything to do with getting over a breakup any less/more hard. It's just how we process things. We tend to be inside our heads and are able to deal with things more on our own rather than turning to people. However, after the breakup, I felt absolutely so alone and depressed that I needed to be around people or it would have made me even more depressed. Sometimes, I need to be out in public and be amongst people so that I don't feel like I am alone. There are still times (like right now) where I need to be alone so that I can think.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I'm a guy and also an introvert. I like being introverted to some extent. I just shut down around big groups of people. I am way more comfy with one or two people. When I need to process things, I have to be alone and I shut myself off from the rest of the world so I can think. However, during my breakup, I have reached out to Everyone I know. I broke up six months ago, but stupidly kept in touch with him over those months which prolonged the heartbreak to today. I go to the gym and work out in a small group of people. I have become semi-friends with a couple of them. I have spoken to them about my ex just to try to get different people's takes on things. I don't think being introverted has anything to do with getting over a breakup any less/more hard. It's just how we process things. We tend to be inside our heads and are able to deal with things more on our own rather than turning to people. However, after the breakup, I felt absolutely so alone and depressed that I needed to be around people or it would have made me even more depressed. Sometimes, I need to be out in public and be amongst people so that I don't feel like I am alone. There are still times (like right now) where I need to be alone so that I can think.

 

 

SOO TRUE. I've reached out to everyone I know too and try to get their take on the breakup.

 

Well I keep having a lot of interesting things happen with my ex, probably because I live with him haha. so he is getting ready for work and he asks what I'm doing today and I said going to lunch with a guy friend. And he got jealous and said "oh I bet he will F** you, isn't he the handsome one?" and I said, "WOW you really must NOT be in love with me if you can say something like that" and he said, "yes I can" and he got really upset and jealous that I was going to lunch with this guy.

 

This isn't like him by the way. He doesn't say stuff like that. What's going on with him?

 

And what was with the psychologist comment he gave me? What does that mean I should go back to school for psychology because I like to figure people out? Is he being sarcastic with me?

 

I guess I like to figure HIM out, but not really other people...

[NowYouSeeMe]

Long live the romantic hermits :-)

 

Haha, OK, so I am not a hermit per se, but I am mostly introverted. And I know how it gets tough when you're feeling low.

 

I like to go grocery shopping (for fun) alone, eat in cafes or restaurants alone and simply enjoy the view and the chaos around me. I like to observe people (lol). Sometimes I'll make a day out of it -- get dressed up, go visit the local shops and peek inside for a bit, then eat out and people watch. Come home from a successful outing! Actually it's more like going out in incognito form. You're not a recluse but you're not being noticed. I also have a handful of friends with whom I like to talk to/meet with.. and that too not always. But they are great, deep and meaningful friendships. I like to go out sometimes in groups where I can fit in and it helps being around new people when you're feeling low and going through a break-up.

 

Extroverts might react by spending time with themselves to reflect on their broken relationships so they can learn from them.. They would need space to heal or move on, since they are normally always in a crowd or interacting with so many people. They need to retreat for "me time". I think it's healthy for an introvert to shake things up in order to get them out of their slump when the heart needs healing. Distract your heart with your mind. Challenge yourself? :-)

 

Tough about living with this guy though -- He sounds to be confused with what he wants and is using you as he pleases -- "come here" some times, then angry "you just don't think" at others. Not fair to you!

 

Even better to eliminate yourself from situations where you're going to find yourself taking a step backwards! Introverts can be introverted outside the house too. Good luck sweetie. :-) x

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Long live the romantic hermits :-)

 

Haha, OK, so I am not a hermit per se, but I am mostly introverted. And I know how it gets tough when you're feeling low.

 

I like to go grocery shopping (for fun) alone, eat in cafes or restaurants alone and simply enjoy the view and the chaos around me. I like to observe people (lol). Sometimes I'll make a day out of it -- get dressed up, go visit the local shops and peek inside for a bit, then eat out and people watch. Come home from a successful outing! Actually it's more like going out in incognito form. You're not a recluse but you're not being noticed. I also have a handful of friends with whom I like to talk to/meet with.. and that too not always. But they are great, deep and meaningful friendships. I like to go out sometimes in groups where I can fit in and it helps being around new people when you're feeling low and going through a break-up.

 

Extroverts might react by spending time with themselves to reflect on their broken relationships so they can learn from them.. They would need space to heal or move on, since they are normally always in a crowd or interacting with so many people. They need to retreat for "me time". I think it's healthy for an introvert to shake things up in order to get them out of their slump when the heart needs healing. Distract your heart with your mind. Challenge yourself? :-)

 

Tough about living with this guy though -- He sounds to be confused with what he wants and is using you as he pleases -- "come here" some times, then angry "you just don't think" at others. Not fair to you!

 

Even better to eliminate yourself from situations where you're going to find yourself taking a step backwards! Introverts can be introverted outside the house too. Good luck sweetie. :-) x

 

Thank you for this lift. I should try it :-)

[radiodarcy]

I know what you mean. I too am in an introvert. I hate crowds and would kind of rather hang out by myself - - whether it's at home with a book or even just going to see a movie.

 

I don't have a ton of friends, but I do have people I can hang out with. I just don't see them often. Because I don't feel inclined to.

 

But yes when I go through a break up, it's not so fun being alone. Oddly enough, at the same time, I don't feel inclined to go out and meet new people or be with my existing friends either.

 

I think the reason why it's harder for some introverts to get over a break up is because we value our time alone. So when we finally meet someone who we're willing to let in our world in that special way, we tend to feel the void more intensely when they are no long a part of our lives.

 

That being said, I knew I was over the break up when I started enjoying my time alone again. Of course in order to get to that point, I had to allow myself that time to feel the pain and sadness of the end of the relationship.

 

Which was agonizing. But once I got it out, I was able to get back to myself again. I have to say, going through the pain of a break up, has helped me appreciate my alone time even more

[sambo77]

This is a refreshing thread. I would definitely describe myself as an introvert too. For as long as I can remember:

 

-I have preferred the company of a select few over many.

 

-I'd rather chat quietly over a coffee than be vibrant or wild in a bar or club.

 

-My "batteries" need recharging after too much time with lots of people and the only way I recharge is through alone time.

 

-I need significant time for reflection and introspection.

 

-I choose books, libraries, and coffee shops over parties, bars, and clubs.

 

-I fantasise about living alone in a small cabin in the forest.

 

-My pace of life is ultra slow, calm, and the idea of hurrying, rushing, or doing anything urgently is alien to me.

 

I think it's clear that we live in an extrovert-centric society. There's a pressure to "be sociable," with "being sociable" implicitly taken to mean the extrovert way of existing in the world. Given that 50% of us are introverts we do not do a great job of valuing the introvert in the same way we do of championing the extrovert.

 

I've certainly felt that pressure throughout my life.

 

Heck. My ex even called me out on the fact that she felt I wasn't being "sociable" enough with her friends because I couldn't be more enthusiastic (I tried ) about getting absolutely paralytic on vodka with her rowdy friends on weekends. It just ain't my thing.

 

I tried to suggest that the fact that I'd had numerous vodka-free, in-depth conversations with her, her kids, and her parents...and had gotten to know all of them on a deeper level than most of her vodka crazy friends had done was kinda sociable too...but she didn't see it.

 

I guess she'll go looking for the party animal dude that she realised I'm not.

 

I like being an introvert.

[headinthecloud]

My ex just came into my room and tickled me and said I should go to school for Psychology and I asked why and he said because I like to figure people out.

 

Then he was eating breakfast and told me to come here and he tried tickling me again.

 

But then I was making fish for lunch and I accidentally dried my hands with the towel after touching the raw fish and he's like "you just don't think" and was getting mad at me and made me feel embarrassed.

 

He is up and down.

 

He sounds codependent, but unwilling to commit to you. Please move out as soon as you can or this will keep you from healing. And no more cuddling...not good for either of you.

[NowYouSeeMe]

I understand how you feel sambo! Especially in schools now, where students are placed in group projects and there is so much emphasis on team building and no "I" in team that the introverted ones might feel robbed of their individuality.

 

I personally believe both introverts and extroverts are really valuable to society. Without one or the other, we wouldn't function as well as we do now (we're still not perfect, but you know :-) )

 

Since you seem to be frustrated/annoyed with the social pressure placed on people to go out and be "extrovert" I thought you'd enjoy this talk by TED.

 

Entitled, The Power of Introverts :-)

 

Mainly though, I think Bless is feeling especially lonely due to the fact that she suffering a BU.

 

Introverts like to keep to themselves for what reason essentially? They like to dive into their thoughts.. dream.. reflect.. enjoy the quiet tranquility of their bedrooms or homes.. All great things I find myself doing a lot when I'm genuinely happy.

 

BUT- introverts, being alone more often that not, can have the tendency to not know how to save themselves from dark thoughts or going into depression when they are really low or suffering a heartbreak. Simply because it's hard to break routine.

 

For this reason I encourage introverted people to explore the world outside from time to time.. you don't need to let in the birds and the bees in your head, but take your own little world or bubble outside. I like to be introverted outside lol

 

If you're sad and down, Bless take a lonesome walk outside and appreciate the outside world through your lens in the comfort of your own self. Don't be a total recluse. From personal experience, I can get really down if I don't get a fresh perspective. You being cooped up in your apartment with this man is not good in terms of moving on. You need to break routine right now, and yes it will take some strength- Push yourself!

 

Cheers again x :-)

 

*I am interested in creating a similar thread now. But it is more to do with personality types and what types are more compatible.. findings will be based on a psychological test by Myers Briggs and Jung (you may have heard of it.. but it is new to me). The results always indicate that an introverted person is best suited with an extroverted partner. Balance is key I guess!

Edited December 2, 2013 by NowYouSeeMe

[reddragon588]

Introverts like to keep to themselves for what reason essentially? They like to dive into their thoughts.. dream.. reflect.. enjoy the quiet tranquility of their bedrooms or homes.. All great things I find myself doing a lot when I'm genuinely happy.

 

This is something that I personally struggle with. I need something constantly to distract me as I get uncomfortable when I'm left alone to my own thoughts. I truly admire people who are able to do this.

 

But...

 

When you're getting over a breakup, this is about the worst thing you can do with your time. You will find yourself stewing over the breakup, snowballing thoughts, and not moving forward.

 

Unfortunately, even as an introvert, you need to get out and do things to get your mind off your thoughts. It's going to be uncomfortable, but no one said healing from a breakup is easy. It's best to find social activities, but even if you can't bring yourself to do that, you need to find SOMETHING to get you out and doing things. Whether it's a walk on the beach, or going to the library to read instead of staying in, or sitting on a park bench by yourself observing the people walking by, you need to get out and do something at least remotely social so that you don't get stuck in your own thoughts.

[KelC411]

I never liked crowds or big parties, or being around a whole bunch of people. I enjoy being by myself; my door closed, watching Netflix alone. Listening to music, headphones in and zoning out. I dig deep in reading a book and getting so into it that I detach from my own life. I like shopping alone, getting coffee alone, going to the gym by myself and zoning out.

 

I have friends and family, I'm not technically alone. I do things with them, but when I'm by myself I don't have to worry about anything or impress anybody. I can just be me and I'm comfortable with that. In a way, when I don't develop relationships/friendships, I don't have to worry about losing that person or getting in a fight with them or caring too much about them...or them just walking away.

 

But being an introvert and recently heartbroken, it's gotten worse. I have no ambition, no motivation, no desire to go out. I wake up and get excited to be alone. But then I think "how can that be a good thing?" I get so into my head sometimes that I get into a weird state of mind. I feel alone, but I know it's because I am and I chose to be.

 

What I used to be comfortable with, being an introvert, has now kind of haunted me being heartbroken. I feel even more alone and scared. I don't want to do anything.

 

People always say that it hurts at night and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3 am is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken. But sometimes, it's 9am on a Sunday morning and you're standing at the kitchen counter waiting for the toast to pop up and the smell of dusty sunlight and earl grey tea makes you him so much you don't know what to do with your hands.

 

It's awful trying to make the one who isn't in love with you, love you again. It's impossible and I don't know how to let that go.

 

Introvert here too. Its especially hard to get out because I live in an area with very little to do. So, it is much easier for me to hop on Netflix than to do anything social. I know I am going to have to work on it, and find a class or something, but it is so hard. I only met my ex through school, not through any great social event. So, now I am so not looking forward having to go and meet new people and have a bunch of awk convos.

[Sugarkane]

Another introvert here. I really HATE it how society always frowns upon being an introvert. I think it would've helped me so much more if I had of had much more support in real life. Instead of being tossed aside like garbage by so called friends, despite being the person cheated on. And then having family tell me to "just get over it" after an out of the blue, no closure breakup.