Weird post-breakup antics

[ktya]

My ex and I were together for 3.5 years. She had a daughter whos father checked out before the kid was even born. I helped to raise the kid from 5-9 the kid called me dad.

 

We fought over money and domestic things. Namely, she was a borderline hoarder. Over time her "things" slowly occupied 75% of my house, and ever since she moved in my garage was full to the brim with her stuff. She was a horrible clutterbug and not at all good domestically. This matters because she wanted to be a stay at home mom - the house was filthy most of the time.

 

When we broke up pretty well the next day we became great friends. Nothing to fight over once we didn't live together anymore. There was some great ex-sex intermixed in there and she popped an OLD profile up literally the day after she moved out. I didn't start trying to date until a month later.

 

Once I lined up some dates she went batty. Said if I went on a single date our FWB would be over and she might not even be able to be friends with me anymore. She wanted to get back together but really, being both the dumper and the one wanting to restart things, she was just feeding me a list of demands of things I needed to do and not addressing my issues at all, most paramount of which was organization, order, a solid routine, and cleanliness. I told her I'd have to take the risk. She then said she would tolerate me seeing other people but I cut off the ex sex and told her she needed to go on some dates too because it would throw her emotions for a loop if she was wanting me back and not seeing other people but I was.

 

Despite that we remained good friends and talked by text message every day. I was being a very kind ex-boyfriend given that I was the dumped, I stored her stuff at my house for months after the breakup (and we're talking 8-10 tons of stuff) so she could get her own place (she was staying with her dad temporarily) and get independent. One of my conditions for even considering getting back together was to see her living on her own and see how she lived.

 

Long before the breakup and also afterwards we had discussed that I would remain dad to the kid and fill the shoes if we ever broke up.

 

Well she went on a date around January 15th with some guy. She told me about it and it seemed like a very thoughtful date. A week later she introduced her daughter to his daughter. She tried to hide this from me but a very awkward situation made it pretty obvious. A week after that, in the beginning of February she moved in with the guy.

 

Now the situation she moved into was (and is) wack. The guy's ex girlfriend and mother of his kid that he broke up with a year prior was still living there, she didn't move out until my ex had been there a week. He also lives in a house with his mother and her boyfriend, and to add to the Jerry Springer-esqueness his mother's boyfriend is dying of a terminal illness in the house with weeks maybe months to live. Apparently at one point the mother started stomping around the house taking all of her dishes and hiding it in her room, and wrote on a fridge (apparently 2 fridges in the house) in black felt marker "KEEP OUT - MINE".

 

Apparently the guy had threatened to take away my exes phone a couple times when she was talking to me. This was something that worried me a bit because she had only really known the guy a month at this point.

 

It gets to the point where she will not read my text messages (BBM) unless the guy was at work. When he was at work we'd talk on the phone once in a while. We weren't fighting or lovey dovey in these text messages; it was mostly logistics of me asking her to please organize getting her stuff from my house and me trying to get a visit of the kid.

 

When we did have an argument it was about the kid. I deposited $20 into the kids bank account and when I had hired a 5 ton truck to get the ball rolling on her stuff the kid was over and when I asked her what she had bought with the money the kid didn't even know about it. Also the kid asked me where I got my shoes and I said from my friend XXXX, then the kid proceeded to say, "Oh, I know who XXXX is. You are trying to get with two girls, one is XXXX and one is YYYY." Bear in mind the kid is 9 years old.

 

Adding insult to injury is that when I started dating my ex told me that under no circumstances would I be introducing my dates to the kid unless I was in a very serious relationship with them, because she didn't want to have the kid see a revolving door of women coming through my life. Fair enough and I agreed. Yet her she had already moved in with a dude and was telling the kid about my dating conquests.

 

At around 5am one night (morning for her lol) we were texting back and forth and I was drinking. I made a crude joke that was kind of inappropriate but I looked back though the history later and it wasn't that bad. 12 hours later I get this barrage of angry text messages from her that about how inappropriate that was and how she could not come over to organize her things unless her FIANCEE escorted her (they had been together for 6 weeks at this point!). Came out of nowhere and was straight up weird seeing as we closed off the conversation by talking about a girl I'm seeing for 20 minutes.

 

Then, oddly enough the next day the conversation was back to normal. I was noticing a Jeckyll & Hyde type of thing going on with her messages. During the day when the boyfriend was at work it was fine and normal and we chatted like friends. When I would receive anything in the evening it was a barrage of angry crap. For example I took a picture of the kids bank statement and sent it to her asking her to replace the money because she had lied to both me and the kid and just blew out the account at a grocery store, I got this crap about how opening someone else's mail is a federal offense. Rediculous considering (a) I have signing authority on the account and (b) its the kid's bank statement.

 

I keep trying to organize a visit with the kid. I have a conversation with her that she needs to calm the boyfriend down. Because apparently she is saying that the kid wants to see me but only if her mom comes, and now the boyfriend is saying that he doesn't want my ex around me unless he is with her. Which then means, by logical deduction, that the guy will need to bring his daughter, and therefore in order to see the kid I will need to tag along with her whole new instant family which is not at all what I was looking for. I suggest that I'd be happy to see the kid in a public place if that would make him feel better; I hadn't seen the kid in almost 2 months by this point and was planning on taking her out somewhere I didn't just want to kick around at home. She says she will talk to him.

 

And then she goes completely dark. Using BBM you can see if someone has read their messages and whether it was delivered. 6 days go by and she has not even read my messages, which is very unlike her, she's a phone junkie. So I get worried.

 

I call and text and email and let her know I'm worried about her. At this point I'm afraid buddy has taken away her phone and isolated her. I get some flat sounding short texts back (my ex texts those annoying five page multipart messages usually) and I tell her to just phone me so I can confirm she is OK by voice, I say I don't need even 5 minutes. No phonecall. I then tell her by text if I do not hear from her by phone I will go over there to make sure she is OK in person. Another flat sounding text, but no phonecall. I say I am on my way, just phone me and I wont show up there, nothing.

 

I get to the door and boyfriend answers. Says she is asleep. I say that's ridiculous I just got a text from her 10 minutes ago. Just want to make sure she's OK. He reiterates that she's asleep. Which, is bull because I know my ex, she is a night owl, and given that he works at 5am it would make no sense at all that she would be asleep before him when she is just being a stay at home mom. Whatever. We leave.

 

So worried I call the cops to say I am just concerned about the situation. Guess what? It turns out they had already called the cops on me when I said I was coming over. Interesting, I get patched through to the officer on the ground and chat with him for a while, let him know why I was worried and that I was already back at home. I can tell from his voice when I say if I just got a phone call I would not have wasted $50 on cab fare to go there to check on her that he knows something is off. I tell him all I'd like is that someone go in there to make sure she's OK. He says they will and he'll call me back. No callback.

 

Of course I'm right pissed by this point. You have the time to call the cops to come be there if and when I show up but no time to call me for 2 minutes so I don't arrive at all. It felt like there was attempt made to entrap me. I tell her I want her stuff out and my keys back, unless she has a good explanation. Nothing still. Radio silence persists.

 

Then I get my buddy to call her from his work phone in his truck four days later. She answers on the 3rd ring, says she is going to get her stuff the next day or maybe later in the week. Great, I figure. I will get rid of the remaining 3 tons of crap out of my garage.

 

No phone call from her no text no nothing. I'm figuring by 3pm that maybe its another one of her plans that don't work out seeing as she has no access to a truck and probably no money to hire one.

 

Sitting in my backyard having a beer enjoying the sun, someone comes around the corner. A police officer. Asks if its OK for my ex to grab her things. I'm like OK, no problem.

 

She shows up with this ridiculous entourage of characters. Her dad, her boyfriends dad. Some fat-ass wanna be biker guy. A wimpy security guard in his security guard outfit, her and the boyfriend.

 

We're bantering with the cop about fuzzy cuffs and sports. The guys dad comes over and pipes up that last time they came to get stuff there was no incidents. Starts talking about how the 5 ton truck I hired for them was loaded to the brim. I start chatting with her dad about firewood. Cop is bewildered as to why on earth he is there.

 

Cop quietly asks me if my ex is a hoarder. I try to be diplomatic about it and say she is quite the packrat and then her security guard friend pipes up "with a capital H". So my awareness of the situation at this point is now that both the dads, the security guard, and the cop now think that this whole situation is a joke. The only glum faces are her the boyfriend and the fat ass biker wannabe.

 

I ask the boyfriend's dad what size of truck they brought. Turns out it was only a minivan. Nowhere near enough to fit all this crap. Adding to the comedy was that my ex was supposed to come over during the week to at least try to pack the stuff into boxes in preparation for moving it. Of course, she hadn't done anything in months so she was trying in realtime to pack and load because my garage became a 3 dimensional hoard pile. And I mean it - my lawnmower is sitting about a foot and a half up on top of random crap and there is crap on top of my lawnmower.

 

They all leave and then the security guard guy comes up to hand me my keys. He has no attitude at all about it.

 

I text my ex later that night and ask her what the hell that spectacle was all about. Still radio silence. For god sakes if she had just phoned me and asked if there was going to be any trouble I would have let her and her boyfriend spend all day packing loading and making multiple trips. With this poor cop waiting around they were rushing like hell.

 

She is still radio silent when I asked her whether she was planning on coming back to get more of her things. Eventually I just said since I'm not hearing anything I'm going to take it to the dump. I'd bring it to her place to save on dump fees but I don't want to deal with more cops over nothing. By this point I'd had the cops called on me for no reason twice in a week.

 

I am feeling really hurt by all of this.

 

After we broke up I helped her out, loaned her money, stored her crap, put her and the kid up in a hotel to get her out of her dad's house for a night, gave her a grocery store gift card to help out with the kids' lunch stuff and have been diligently keeping her mail for her. I hired my own 5 ton truck to help her move her stuff.

 

I was never upset at the fact that she was seeing this guy. I thought it was moving pretty fast (moved in in two weeks, engaged within a month) but just congratulated her. I've been banging hot Asian girls and found one that I really like that I'm dating so I'm no ex boyfriend pining to get her back.

 

I haven't seen the kid in months. The last time I saw her was the time I hired the 5 ton truck so it was not really quality time. I suggested to my ex that I'd just like to see her for 4 hours every two weeks and of course the bizarre arrangement made it very difficult to work out unless her boyfriend was going to come around and let her be around me. I fear I'll never see the kid again, if she's got a hair trigger on calling the cops on me.

 

To make matters even more insulting, this boyfriend's ex girlfriend moved into a house nearby and comes over on a regular basis. So he can see his ex and she can come and go but my ex can't even respond to me or be around me without a police escort.

 

I never got even a text message announcing that she was going NC on me. Shes pulled me off her facebook, BBM, everything.

 

I'm worried for her and the kid, and miss our friendship that we developed after we broke up. I'm also feeling like dragging the cops into everything is a total slap in the face after all I did for her despite that she was the one who left me.

 

Just three and a half weeks ago she dropped by to grab a few of her things and I gave her a friendly hug. I even asked her if it was OK for me to hug her before I did and she said it was fine. Now I've had the cops called on me twice over something that could have been sorted out both times in minutes with a simple phone call.

 

Sorry, long story but this whole situation really upsets me.