8 months later, my ex contacted me.

[feelingtorn]

I basically broke up with my ex because I caught him sexting with another woman whom he met through online game. While we were out of country.

 

On Sat night....around 11:40, I got my first text from him. I deleted his number and did not know it was from him.

 

EX: hi are you up?

Me: who is this? Brent?

Ex: xxxx

Me: sadie (his dog)? is she ok? (She is old and sick. I thought she was dying)

EX: she is fine. i want to see you

Me: is this a drunk text? you may regret it tmrw. ha. why do you want to see me? we broke up. you said you did not want to stay friends with me. EX:you know i cannot be friends with you.i miss you. and i need a hug. i did not text him back. and then.

EX:it is not a drunk text! just say no if that's the case. if you want to see me then say yes. hopefully brent won't mind?

 

I honestly did not know how to respond to his texts. I emailed him.

 

"Hi, I am terribly sorry, but I cannot agree to see you just because you miss me and need a hug. We broke up. You made it clear that you did not want to stay friends. You also made it clear that I was not your type, soul mate, ideal partner, etc. Has anything changed? If not, remember losing a contact with someone whom you developed a special bond with can be difficult. I have heard that men tend to have delayed reactions when they deal with a breakup. Let me know if anything has changed. I need more than late night, encrypted texts."

 

Yesterday morning, he texted me again, but I did not respond and of course, did not run to his house.

 

Here is his text: Thanks for the email. I don't know if anything has changed. I have been thinking about you and missing you every day for a few months now. I wouldn't have sent that text just on a whim. The sun is coming out. I am going to walk Sadie and we'd both love it if you joined us.

 

This morning, he sent this email:

Hey, my apologies for the strange late night Saturday timing and texts w/o much information in them. I have been feeling differently about things in general and about us for a while now but haven't got a hold of you or asked to see you because there are lots of reasons why my feelings could have changed, and I didn't want to involve you until I felt confident that it wasn't just me going through a lonely spell, having delayed grief from our breakup, or something similar. I suppose I've been feeling that way long enough now, wanted to see you, and against my better judgement gave in to my wants late on a Saturday night. Suspicious as the timing was, it wasn't a drunken booty call. Really I just wanted to see you again and spend time with you. It's pretty crappy of me to text you with little communication and expect that you'll just want to see me, so again - I'm sorry.

 

I don't know what your situation is, if you're single or with someone, or if you have any desire to see me at all. I would understand if you don't. Based on the way I've been feeling, I do want to see you, and I want to know if you feel the same which is why I got a hold of you.

 

 

To be honest I had mixed feelings about contacting you - that's why i waited for a long time. I don't know how to explain my change in attitude. It could be that I'm lonely, it could be that I miss having a woman in my life, it could be a lot of things. If that's the case it would suck for us to see other, possibly stir up old feelings, and then have it turn out to be a mistake.

 

 

All that said, I've been feeling this way for a while now, I think about you constantly, and to put it simply I want to see you. Seeing you when you came to visit Sadie (I posted it about it few wks ago. He emailed me about Sadie getting sick, so I went to say good bye to her) and in SLU (I ran into him on my way to interview a week ago) just reinforced it for me. I'm not proposing anything drastic or serious. Just to get together, see each other, and talk.

 

Is this a major case of breadcrumbs? I am casually seeing someone right now. A long time friend who confessed his feelings after I broke up with my ex. My friend has been out of town, but he is moving back in just two weeks. I feel like I am at crossroads.

[barky2]

I basically broke up with my ex because I caught him sexting with another woman whom he met through online game. While we were out of country.

 

On Sat night....around 11:40, I got my first text from him. I deleted his number and did not know it was from him.

 

EX: hi are you up?

Me: who is this? Brent?

Ex: xxxx

Me: sadie (his dog)? is she ok? (She is old and sick. I thought she was dying)

EX: she is fine. i want to see you

Me: is this a drunk text? you may regret it tmrw. ha. why do you want to see me? we broke up. you said you did not want to stay friends with me. EX:you know i cannot be friends with you.i miss you. and i need a hug. i did not text him back. and then.

EX:it is not a drunk text! just say no if that's the case. if you want to see me then say yes. hopefully brent won't mind?

 

I honestly did not know how to respond to his texts. I emailed him.

 

"Hi, I am terribly sorry, but I cannot agree to see you just because you miss me and need a hug. We broke up. You made it clear that you did not want to stay friends. You also made it clear that I was not your type, soul mate, ideal partner, etc. Has anything changed? If not, remember losing a contact with someone whom you developed a special bond with can be difficult. I have heard that men tend to have delayed reactions when they deal with a breakup. Let me know if anything has changed. I need more than late night, encrypted texts."

 

Yesterday morning, he texted me again, but I did not respond and of course, did not run to his house.

 

Here is his text: Thanks for the email. I don't know if anything has changed. I have been thinking about you and missing you every day for a few months now. I wouldn't have sent that text just on a whim. The sun is coming out. I am going to walk Sadie and we'd both love it if you joined us.

 

This morning, he sent this email:

Hey, my apologies for the strange late night Saturday timing and texts w/o much information in them. I have been feeling differently about things in general and about us for a while now but haven't got a hold of you or asked to see you because there are lots of reasons why my feelings could have changed, and I didn't want to involve you until I felt confident that it wasn't just me going through a lonely spell, having delayed grief from our breakup, or something similar. I suppose I've been feeling that way long enough now, wanted to see you, and against my better judgement gave in to my wants late on a Saturday night. Suspicious as the timing was, it wasn't a drunken booty call. Really I just wanted to see you again and spend time with you. It's pretty crappy of me to text you with little communication and expect that you'll just want to see me, so again - I'm sorry.

 

I don't know what your situation is, if you're single or with someone, or if you have any desire to see me at all. I would understand if you don't. Based on the way I've been feeling, I do want to see you, and I want to know if you feel the same which is why I got a hold of you.

 

 

To be honest I had mixed feelings about contacting you - that's why i waited for a long time. I don't know how to explain my change in attitude. It could be that I'm lonely, it could be that I miss having a woman in my life, it could be a lot of things. If that's the case it would suck for us to see other, possibly stir up old feelings, and then have it turn out to be a mistake.

 

 

All that said, I've been feeling this way for a while now, I think about you constantly, and to put it simply I want to see you. Seeing you when you came to visit Sadie (I posted it about it few wks ago. He emailed me about Sadie getting sick, so I went to say good bye to her) and in SLU (I ran into him on my way to interview a week ago) just reinforced it for me. I'm not proposing anything drastic or serious. Just to get together, see each other, and talk.

 

Is this a major case of breadcrumbs? I am casually seeing someone right now. A long time friend who confessed his feelings after I broke up with my ex. My friend has been out of town, but he is moving back in just two weeks. I feel like I am at crossroads.

 

 

I think you need to find out what you truly want.

 

I think your ex wants you back...but what do you want?

 

Are you happy with the new guy?

 

I would ask what your exs intentions are.." What do you want?"

 

Then tell him you need time to think about it, and have a heart to heart with yourself if you want to see him or not.

 

Only you have the answers you ask us.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

Barky

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Breadcrumbs? I think the guy has tipped the entire bread aisle on your head! lol I think its safe to say he wants to try and work this out... dont play games if you want too then tell him you will meet up and just take it slow... please, please do not do the whole nc, ignoring thing he is trying to make a real effort here... good luck xx

[feelingtorn]

My ex was never sure of us. That was the main problem. Even when we were together. It took him 8 months to say he loved him.

 

The truth is I still have feelings for my ex and at the same time, would hate to ruin any chance I have with my new person. I am reluctant because again, he is NOT sure.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

How can you honestly be sure after 8 months tho... he hasnt seen you for so long he's probably wondering how much you have changed... this is why it is ridiculous to expect someone to say "I want you back and I am so sorry" after so long... I think he's right to want to see you before this is taken any further... its the first step and he clearly wants to take it so balls in your court now x

[Chi townD]

All of that? Translation?

 

Hi Ms. Bootycall! You're looking pretty dapper today!

 

And if you're in a new relationship with this "Brent" dude, then even entertaining meeting up with your Ex is an insult to this guy and is completely unfair of you.

 

If you're not over your Ex, then you're also not being fair to "Brent" if you can't dedicate yourself to him 100%. He doesn't deserve that.

 

Look, I'm not trying to say this to you to make you feel bad, but you got a guy on the hook that hasn't done anything to you (and you might come back at me and say that you JUST started dating this guy, but he still hasn't done anything to you aside from wanting to get to know you).

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Chi Town does make a good point... dont lead the other one on x Think you have some decisions to make x

[feelingtorn]

All of that? Translation?

 

Hi Ms. Bootycall! You're looking pretty dapper today!

 

And if you're in a new relationship with this "Brent" dude, then even entertaining meeting up with your Ex is an insult to this guy and is completely unfair of you.

 

If you're not over your Ex, then you're also not being fair to "Brent" if you can't dedicate yourself to him 100%. He doesn't deserve that.

 

Look, I'm not trying to say this to you to make you feel bad, but you got a guy on the hook that hasn't done anything to you (and you might come back at me and say that you JUST started dating this guy, but he still hasn't done anything to you aside from wanting to get to know you).

 

Ha, Brent is one of my new gay friends whom I met at a party. The text came right after I got home from the party, so I assumed it was him.

[jphcbpa]

below stood out to me as a red flag, but then again, it has been 8 months.

 

in the end, life is short. what is the worst thing that could happen? you know that you can live without him. he does seem to making a big effort in this reach out.

 

do what you need to do for a few days....pray about it, write about it, talk about it, meditate ect. before you respond back.

 

To be honest I had mixed feelings about contacting you - that's why i waited for a long time. I don't know how to explain my change in attitude. It could be that I'm lonely, it could be that I miss having a woman in my life, it could be a lot of things. If that's the case it would suck for us to see other, possibly stir up old feelings, and then have it turn out to be a mistake.

[Chi townD]

OH! Well........you should have clarified that point! LOL!

 

I still stand by what I said. Dude said that he misses having a woman in his life and was feeling lonely. To me that still points to Bootycall.

 

No where in there did he say he was sorry, he was wrong and that he would do anything to get you back.

 

Stick to your guns, girl!

[me85]

OH! Well........you should have clarified that point! LOL!

 

I still stand by what I said. Dude said that he misses having a woman in his life and was feeling lonely. To me that still points to Bootycall.

 

No where in there did he say he was sorry, he was wrong and that he would do anything to get you back.

 

Stick to your guns, girl!

 

 

You do make a good point about him not saying he was sorry to her.

 

BUT...it could be that he wants to tell her IN PERSON.

 

He wants to see her so they can talk. So, why would he put everything out in an email or text????

[Chi townD]

You make a very valid point. He might want to say it face to face. But, on the flip side, he had no problem sexting someone. So, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to text what he wants.

[feelingtorn]

You make a very valid point. He might want to say it face to face. But, on the flip side, he had no problem sexting someone. So, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to text what he wants.

 

God, I still remember all his raunchy sexts. I wish I never got to see it - 7 hours of sexting and a whole year of friendly texts.

[me85]

You make a very valid point. He might want to say it face to face. But, on the flip side, he had no problem sexting someone. So, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to text what he wants.

 

 

It's been 8 months...and feelingtorn has not ignored or rejected him and she has admitted to still loving this guy.

 

Everyone makes mistakes.

 

Sexting someone else was sleezy (OMG it definitely is not ok and a form of cheating) BUT it could've been a lot worse (maybe it was, who knows) she definitely did the right thing by BU.

 

BUT IT'S BEEN 8 MONTHS.

 

There is absolutely good reason for them to try again.

 

If and only if she truly forgives him and can put it behind her with a fresh new outlook.

 

Their old RS is dead. If they do get back together that's the only way they will make it. They have to see it as a brand new RS entirely and leave the past in the past.

[lauri]

God, I still remember all his raunchy sexts. I wish I never got to see it - 7 hours of sexting and a whole year of friendly texts.

 

In my opinion, you do not want to be with someone like this.

 

There is zero excuse for someone to be sexting someone else / emotionally cheating on you.

 

You could try again with him but I doubt that these type of tendencies will change in him...if you found someone really worth your time, I seriously doubt you would even consider going back to him.

 

You need to really evaluate your situation and determine what is best for you.

 

It's been 8 months...and feelingtorn has not ignored or rejected him and she has admitted to still loving this guy.

 

Everyone makes mistakes.

 

Sexting someone else was sleezy (OMG it definitely is not ok and a form of cheating) BUT it could've been a lot worse (maybe it was, who knows) she definitely did the right thing by BU.

 

BUT IT'S BEEN 8 MONTHS.

 

There is absolutely good reason for them to try again.

 

If and only if she truly forgives him and can put it behind her with a fresh new outlook.

 

Their old RS is dead. If they do get back together that's the only way they will make it. They have to see it as a brand new RS entirely and leave the past in the past.

 

You cannot judge a situation based on time.

 

It has been 9 months since my ex broke up with me. I can say that she still plays games, still tries to manipulate and still doesn't know what she wants even after all this time.

 

I judge a situation based on someone acts (and their actions). Unless he comes back saying he was wrong for these things and realizes that these girls mean nothing etc, I do not see why she should give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm the type of person who will only forgive someone if they admit to their mistakes and faults, and are willing to work on them and prove to me they are trust worthy.

Edited June 2, 2014 by lauri

[Chi townD]

It's been 8 months...and feelingtorn has not ignored or rejected him and she has admitted to still loving this guy.

 

Everyone makes mistakes.

 

Sexting someone else was sleezy (OMG it definitely is not ok and a form of cheating) BUT it could've been a lot worse (maybe it was, who knows) she definitely did the right thing by BU.

 

BUT IT'S BEEN 8 MONTHS.

 

There is absolutely good reason for them to try again.

 

If and only if she truly forgives him and can put it behind her with a fresh new outlook.

 

Their old RS is dead. If they do get back together that's the only way they will make it. They have to see it as a brand new RS entirely and leave the past in the past.

 

 

Yeah, but this is also what she said that he said to her:

 

"You also made it clear that I was not your type, soul mate, ideal partner, etc"

 

So, forget sexting another woman, if it was me that would have hurt far worse. Thus, I wouldn't trust anything he would have to say to me if I was this girl.

[me85]

In my opinion, you do not want to be with someone like this.

 

There is zero excuse for someone to be sexting someone else / emotionally cheating on you.

 

You could try again with him but I doubt that these type of tendencies will change in him...if you found someone really worth your time, I seriously doubt you would even consider going back to him.

 

You need to really evaluate your situation and determine what is best for you.

 

 

 

You cannot judge a situation based on time.

 

It has been 9 months since my ex broke up with me. I can say that she still plays games, still tries to manipulate and still doesn't know what she wants even after all this time.

 

I judge a situation based on someone acts (and their actions). Unless he comes back saying he was wrong for these things and realizes that these girls mean nothing etc, I do not see why she should give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm the type of person who will only forgive someone if they admit to their mistakes and faults, and are willing to work on them and prove to me they are trust worthy.

 

 

Yes, you are right about time not being the most important thing. Ok, I'll give you that.

 

However, as I said before, he may want to apologize and admit to his mistakes in person.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, you are right about time not being the most important thing. Ok, I'll give you that.

 

However, as I said before, he may want to apologize and admit to his mistakes in person.

 

Meh, that's something he should do before anything else. Apologize first, then apologize again for an in-person meet. It's not up to her to clear the road for him to do this.

[jphcbpa]

you said......

 

on nov 27th, 2013

 

Wow, you sound like my ex. I wish my ex would reflect on himself and come to the same conclusion, but I highly doubt it. I wish you two all the best and hope she comes back to you.

[me85]

Yeah, but this is also what she said that he said to her:

 

"You also made it clear that I was not your type, soul mate, ideal partner, etc"

 

So, forget sexting another woman, if it was me that would have hurt far worse. Thus, I wouldn't trust anything he would have to say to me if I was this girl.

 

 

You are 100% correct.

 

I agree with you. Absolutely.

 

I know that would hurt worse because my ex said I wasn't his "life partner" "not meant to be together" but also said I was his "soul mate" "future wife" too.

 

He flip-flopped every other day so who the eff knows.

 

Some people are just totally fu cked up emotionally and you need to stay away from them.

 

ANYWAY, if she really is curious about his feelings as well as her own, she could at least meet up with him to hear him out. It may help her too. She may realize feelings aren't really there for him anymore like she thought and that she really cares more about the new guy.

 

It wouldn't be a crime to simply meet up and talk.

 

Well, I guess it would be breaking the law of NC...lol

[Simon Phoenix]

You are 100% correct.

 

I agree with you. Absolutely.

 

I know that would hurt worse because my ex said I wasn't his "life partner" "not meant to be together" but also said I was his "soul mate" "future wife" too.

 

He flip-flopped every other day so who the eff knows.

 

Some people are just totally fu cked up emotionally and you need to stay away from them.

 

ANYWAY, if she really is curious about his feelings as well as her own, she could at least meet up with him to hear him out. It may help her too. She may realize feelings aren't really there for him anymore like she thought and that she really cares more about the new guy.

 

It wouldn't be a crime to simply meet up and talk.

 

Well, I guess it would be breaking the law of NC...lol

 

It's not a crime, but if she's not emotionally prepared for all angles, then it can be extremely damaging. I'm not telling her to do anything besides make sure of exactly where she's at before accepting or rejecting that invite, but I think it's curious that you are pushing her with two hands into this meeting and poo-poohing NC, especially when NC would have done you loads of good in your particular situation.

 

OP, you don't have to make this decision today, or this week even. Just make sure you are capable of handling any variable thrown at you before agreeing to it.

[me85]

Meh, that's something he should do before anything else. Apologize first, then apologize again for an in-person meet. It's not up to her to clear the road for him to do this.

 

This is true.

 

So why hesitate to shoot him down?

 

If there's hesitation on her part it's because something is unfinished here.

 

Whatever that may be.

 

It's not always wrong to give second chances.

 

All I'm saying is dang, the dude IS making an effort to see her which could lead to him gravling at her feet. We don't know.

 

Sometimes you guys are too hard on folks lol

 

I've had the crap kicked out of me but i still believe in second chances, forgiveness and happily ever after.

 

It does happen sometimes!

 

& not just for Cinderella and other unrealistic characters either! lol

[Simon Phoenix]

This is true.

 

So why hesitate to shoot him down?

 

If there's hesitation on her part it's because something is unfinished here.

 

Whatever that may be.

 

It's not always wrong to give second chances.

 

All I'm saying is dang, the dude IS making an effort to see her which could lead to him gravling at her feet. We don't know.

 

Sometimes you guys are too hard on folks lol

 

I've had the crap kicked out of me but i still believe in second chances, forgiveness and happily ever after.

 

It does happen sometimes!

 

& not just for Cinderella and other unrealistic characters either! lol

 

Dude, he, at best, emotionally cheated on her and basically told her to kick sand. She should be skeptical and not be an easily-duped wallflower. Second chances are warranted sometimes, but it's up to him to go above and beyond the call of duty to earn that second chance. That means apologizing for being a douche right off the bat and that means keeping after it if she's skeptical. I mean, if he's serious, he'll continue to up the ante. If her being hesitant (as she has the right to be) is going to dissuade him, then how serious can he be.

 

Second chance do happen. But if you don't have a standard about how you should be treated, then the second chance will end up as bad, if not worse, than the first chance. Being nice and forgiving does not mean you have to be a easily mistreated sap.

[me85]

It's not a crime, but if she's not emotionally prepared for all angles, then it can be extremely damaging. I'm not telling her to do anything besides make sure of exactly where she's at before accepting or rejecting that invite, but I think it's curious that you are pushing her with two hands into this meeting and poo-poohing NC, especially when NC would have done you loads of good in your particular situation.

 

OP, you don't have to make this decision today, or this week even. Just make sure you are capable of handling any variable thrown at you before agreeing to it.

 

 

Lots of things could be extremely damaging given their situation.

 

Listening to the advice that you or I or anyone else is giving her could in fact be the MOST damaging to her.

 

She needs to do what SHE feels is best thing to do in her heart.

 

 

 

& LOL "poo-poohing NC", that's funny. I'm not even doing that.

 

Judge me all you want. That's the price I pay for expressing my views and sharing my story on here.

[Simon Phoenix]

Lots of things could be extremely damaging given their situation.

 

Listening to the advice that you or I or anyone else is giving her could in fact be the MOST damaging to her.

 

She needs to do what SHE feels is best thing to do in her heart.

 

 

 

& LOL "poo-poohing NC", that's funny. I'm not even doing that.

 

Judge me all you want. That's the price I pay for expressing my views and sharing my story on here.

 

Meh, the heart needs to be balanced by the head. I realize that I'm probably a lot more reliant on my brain than my heart and might need to move closer to the center, but in general, hearts have s--t for brains. Following your heart should not take precedence over basic common sense. It'd be a lot more fun world if life was like romantic comedies, but it's not.

 

And I haven't told her not to see him (which for me, is pretty rare, I'm usually against such meetups). I've told her to make sure she can handle it first. You are the one that's overly pushing a certain response from her part.