triniechu Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 My boyfriend and I decided to end it after 2 1/2 years. Well he was the one who mentioned breaking up first, I still wanted to work it out. We love each other so much and I know he still does, but I think I was just smothering him and he needs the space. We were in a long distance relationship, sometimes we'd see each other every week or every other week. I always expected a lot of attention while we weren't together, it was like that in the beginning but i'm guessing he got tired of it. So when he didn't give me attention (text, phone calls, fb, ig) I would get upset and we get into fights. Unfortunately, the fights were constant and we tried fixing it before and it started again. Is it me?? Was I asking for too much attention? Some of my friends ask me, why didnt he just give me the attention I wanted? I actually don't blame him at all, but I blame myself because of my selfishness. Now we talked last night and I told him I missed him so much and I am willing to work things out. But he told me he still feels we would fight again if we get back together now. He also mentioned, he wouldn't oppose to getting back together but for now it's not certain. Probably because this break up is still fresh. He also said he wants to explore..what does that mean? Date other people? travel? But from what I'm getting is he just wants time to himself to do whatever he wants. I do still love this man and very much in love with him. Can this relationship be saved? I told him that I will wait for him. I will let him explore and give him all the time he needs. I'm not even sure if he will come back but I will wait and take the risk. Am I doing the right thing? Should I just let him go? Even though I'm uncertain of the outcome, I am a believer that love will always bring two hearts together. *sigh* im so confused.. Link to post Share on other sites
chardayze Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I'm in a similar position to you at the moment. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me last week because he needs to go out and find out who he is and what he wants in life. He was very upset to break up with me as he still loves me and wants to be with me but needs to be alone while he figures this out. He told me that he still wants to be with me again in the future and that he hopes his mind never changes. I really want to be with him in the future, but at the same time I can't wait around for him. So I am going to try my best to move on and be happy without him and if we are meant to be it will happen one day at the right time. I know it's so hard I am still coming to terms that I must move on without him, but I really think you should do the same thing. There is no point in wasting your life waiting for him to come back! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triniechu Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 I mean I told him I'd give him all the time he needs. But I don't understand why he can't do this figuring out thing with me? I know I'm needy at times and it's a bit tough when it's a long distance relationship. But how do I even move on if the feelings are still there. That's why I told him I wanted to wait for him. What just makes me a bit angry is just the mixed signals he is giving me. He said "I'm not opposed of us getting back together. But I'm uncertain of the future.." So I honestly didn't know how to respond to that. I felt like he is very unsure of what he wants. I feel in the long run, his unsureness will probably lose me. I mean I've been there for him and supporting every single thing he does. I still stayed by his side when my WHOLE family disapproved of our relationship. My heart still beats strongly for him but I don't know. Now that we aren't together I kinda see things in a different light. Wouldn't we still be together if he truely loved me? Wouldn't our love be strong enough to still get is through this? I know what I want. I want a man who is brave enough to love this woman even when times get rough. Not just throw it away when there is a problem. Thinking about this makes me so sad and angry Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 He wants to explore = he wants to date other people. Don't wait for him, start living your life with out thinking him 24/7. He wants space, then give him space. Start NC for now. Sorry..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triniechu Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 So does that mean that he is putting our love on hold to date other people. To see if he can find love somewhere else? Oh don't be sorry. This truly is a learning experience for me. Thats why I am asking for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
gj13 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Yeah, the whole exploring thing sounds as though he wants to see what else is out there, in terms of other people and experiences. Believe me, there are certain things you cannot find about your own self while still being in a relationship. Sometimes you do need some time off to focus on yourself. I would recommend you NC and let him do his thing, don't wait around cause that is going to hurt you. And if you do keep yourself around still, he might later resent that and ruin any chance of getting back together in the future. Just let him be and be YOU in the process. Find yourself as a single woman again. I'll bet something good might come out of it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I told him that I will wait for him. I will let him explore and give him all the time he needs. I'm not even sure if he will come back but I will wait and take the risk. Am I doing the right thing? Should I just let him go? Eeek.. no, don't wait around. When you said you'd wait for him, you might as well have rolled over. It translated into "sure, I'll let you walk all over me. Go ahead". I personally think you should send him a message along the lines of "I thought about it and you're right. We probably should date other people". And I'd go strict NC and leave it at that. The NC part is the hard part, but you'll be much, much better off for it. I don't think it's too late to turn the situation around, and get your self-esteem back on track. How you handle it now will save you a lot of pain in the future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triniechu Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 You guys really think I should message him and say that? Or maybe I should just leave it as is for now and just go strict NC now. I did have second thoughts today. I don't even know why I told him I'd wait for him? Ughhh I feel so weak. I do want to save myself from future pain and im really thinking of not waiting for him and just really moving on. I think I feel I still want to wait or be with him because it's still fresh. It's still only been a week and a half since we broke up. But i know I have to be strong and let him go. If he really loved me, he wouldnt have broke up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author triniechu Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 There are two things that I feel a lot of break ups have in common: #1 the conviction that they still love us, #2 we'll do or say whatever is takes to win them back. I am not saying that they don't care, but they don't love us the way we do. The way we need them to. I believe that our own love fuels our denial of what just happened; they broke up and it's over. It's hard to accept, at first, and we can't look at the situation with objectivity. Yes, I'd go nc. You don't have to tell him anything, no. You can just cut all contact. It's not easy as it also means not answering his attempts to contact you. I personally would not engage in a LDR as I find them more than often a recipe for heartbreaks. Maybe, when you feel better, you can try and meet someone local? That will put a stop to the anxiety provoked by the LDR. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author triniechu Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 No I totally agree. This morning I was going to send him a long detailed email of how i felt about EVERYTHING and that I decided not to wait for him. I typed out the email but i just deleted the draft. There really was no point to it anymore. I do plan to move on, even though my heart wants him back. I know for sure that his heart isn't with me 100%. I realized when he meant exploring, he probably meant dating other people. Also he definitely doesn't love me like I love him. Oh yeah LDR's are tough. In all my life this is actually my 2nd relationship and my 1st one was LDR as well, but lasted 12 years and we even ended up moving in together. I don't mind LDR's as long as we both feel the same way and work through tough times. But when im ready to date again, I will definitely try to date someone local. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 No I totally agree. This morning I was going to send him a long detailed email of how i felt about EVERYTHING and that I decided not to wait for him. I typed out the email but i just deleted the draft. There really was no point to it anymore. I do plan to move on, even though my heart wants him back. I know for sure that his heart isn't with me 100%. I realized when he meant exploring, he probably meant dating other people. Also he definitely doesn't love me like I love him. Oh yeah LDR's are tough. In all my life this is actually my 2nd relationship and my 1st one was LDR as well, but lasted 12 years and we even ended up moving in together. I don't mind LDR's as long as we both feel the same way and work through tough times. But when im ready to date again, I will definitely try to date someone local. Good for you. Local is so much better.. you get to see him every week, go to the movies, cook together, etc.. Link to post Share on other sites
mattny Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 No I totally agree. This morning I was going to send him a long detailed email of how i felt about EVERYTHING and that I decided not to wait for him. I typed out the email but i just deleted the draft. There really was no point to it anymore. I do plan to move on, even though my heart wants him back. I know for sure that his heart isn't with me 100%. I realized when he meant exploring, he probably meant dating other people. Also he definitely doesn't love me like I love him. Oh yeah LDR's are tough. In all my life this is actually my 2nd relationship and my 1st one was LDR as well, but lasted 12 years and we even ended up moving in together. I don't mind LDR's as long as we both feel the same way and work through tough times. But when im ready to date again, I will definitely try to date someone local. My first serious one was an LDR as well..Long Island to Fort Lee every weekend and sometimes during the week. Was never so broke in tolls and gas and she never offered to pay lol. And she was pushing marriage pretty hard and very selfish in the end..only wanted us, I couldnt see my friends etc. I cheated on her with my current ex...friends for over a year and dating for 4. Was 30 days away from proposing to her and she walked out of the relationship with what I assume is a fling with a gymrat from Astoria, who gave her the boot 2 weeks later. THAT hurt. But I guess I dodged a bullet Link to post Share on other sites
mattny Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 So why did your whole family disapprove of your relationship with him? Family usually knows whats best for you sometimes I know you want to remain friends with him but it honestly wont work out...its been tried many times on here and I thought it might work in the beginning but I quickly came to the reality that it aint gonna help me get over her. You need to drop him and move on for now and just do you. Come up to NYC and come out one weekend and have fun! Hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
Author triniechu Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 So why did your whole family disapprove of your relationship with him? Family usually knows whats best for you sometimes I know you want to remain friends with him but it honestly wont work out...its been tried many times on here and I thought it might work in the beginning but I quickly came to the reality that it aint gonna help me get over her. You need to drop him and move on for now and just do you. Come up to NYC and come out one weekend and have fun! Hehehe Ehhhh they didnt like it that he didnt have a career, they thought he was disrespectful and they didnt like it that he didnt treat me like a lady. They say he treated me more like one of the guys. But I still loved him regardless of his flaws. Actually i stayed good friends with one of my exes. We were together for 12 years, we were high school sweethearts. When we broke up, we promised to each other that once we are ready to be friends, we will be able to laugh about the break up, and here we are, still friends. He's like a brother to me now and I cherish our friendship so much. I mean i feel it's different for everyone, sometimes you can stay friends and sometimes you cant. Hehe actually im going to NY next week! My bestie lives in Manhattan. Link to post Share on other sites
mattny Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Ehhhh they didnt like it that he didnt have a career, they thought he was disrespectful and they didnt like it that he didnt treat me like a lady. They say he treated me more like one of the guys. But I still loved him regardless of his flaws. Actually i stayed good friends with one of my exes. We were together for 12 years, we were high school sweethearts. When we broke up, we promised to each other that once we are ready to be friends, we will be able to laugh about the break up, and here we are, still friends. He's like a brother to me now and I cherish our friendship so much. I mean i feel it's different for everyone, sometimes you can stay friends and sometimes you cant. Hehe actually im going to NY next week! My bestie lives in Manhattan. Your parents are on point. I always treated my ex with respect, and was always respectful of her parents and others when I was around. We had some issues in the beginning with drama from her sisters but we made do. She gave me the motivation to go out and get a solid career, something that was more stable than working on cars my whole life and being burned out. I wanted to be able to pull my weight between us and be able to give her whatever she wanted. I applied for NYPD, the MTA, Long Island Railroad and finally got into Con Edison, the power company that supplies and maintains NYC and the five boroughs. My grandpa worked for them for 38 years and im happy to continue the family tradition Sorry for the rambling about myself, but thats really awesome youre coming to NY! I dont know how or where to get in touch with you, but Id be down to meet up for dinner/drinks (if youre up for it?)....not sure how appropriate it is in such a thread but to me you're cute, and the only gaurenteed 'no' is if I never ask 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Deleting that draft of the email was pretty much symbolism of you taking a step forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author triniechu Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 Your parents are on point. I always treated my ex with respect, and was always respectful of her parents and others when I was around. We had some issues in the beginning with drama from her sisters but we made do. She gave me the motivation to go out and get a solid career, something that was more stable than working on cars my whole life and being burned out. I wanted to be able to pull my weight between us and be able to give her whatever she wanted. I applied for NYPD, the MTA, Long Island Railroad and finally got into Con Edison, the power company that supplies and maintains NYC and the five boroughs. My grandpa worked for them for 38 years and im happy to continue the family tradition Sorry for the rambling about myself, but thats really awesome youre coming to NY! I dont know how or where to get in touch with you, but Id be down to meet up for dinner/drinks (if youre up for it?)....not sure how appropriate it is in such a thread but to me you're cute, and the only gaurenteed 'no' is if I never ask As far as my current Ex, I would still love to stay friends with him. I mean, I dont hold any grudges against him and he's just taught me so much! But I do feel the breakup was definitely a good decision and we will probably so much better as friends. Wow thats amazing!! That you worked that hard to get where you are now. Now that I'm single, I can do the same with no worries and just worry about me. Oh wow...sure. I'll be in NY next Thursday-Sunday. Here's my email [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
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