"Rebounds"?

[Eighty_nine]

What's everyone's opinion on 'rebound' relationships- what I mean specifically is relationships that aren't really official or serious; may be a FWB situation or dating someone that you're not super into, to help heal? In my case, I'm basically healing from 3 past relationships as I just went from one to another without ever actually processing the losses (until now).

 

And now I'm trying to decide if I should learn to be totally alone, with no attention/validation from other people (other than friends and fam of course.) naturally, I find being alone VERY hard. I'm not sure if kind of having people "around" in th background defeats the purpose of learning to be alone or not.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I think sometimes they're necessary. They remind you that you can at least have fun again, and besides, being alone is hard. There's nothing wrong about casually seeing someone if it helps the healing process. The problem is (and I've seen this happen to many people) when the rebounder doesn't feel strong enough to break it off and ends up in an uncomfortable long-term relationship with their new partner.

 

Being alone is important. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. It sounds like you've reached a point where you find yourself using people solely to avoid being alone, and that's obviously not healthy. Give yourself at least a month without any dates. Schedule yourself down to the hour, if it helps: pedicure, Netflix, gym, library, whatever. When that month is over, start looking again and be selective. Don't go out with a guy just because he seems good enough. Think about what characteristics you absolutely have to have in a partner and don't accept anything less. This may mean even more months without another date. That's OK.

 

However, I'd like to add that if you somehow meet the person who's 10,000% right for you, don't wait. Don't pass up what could be the happiest relationship of your life just because you haven't had enough Designated Alone Time. Real love has terrible timing.

[strong-hearted]

what about when uve been with ur bf for two years and two weeks after the breakup he starts seeing someone else?

before he broke up with me he said it made him sad because he knew we had a good thing but he wasn't happy with me any more

[Fix]

what about when uve been with ur bf for two years and two weeks after the breakup he starts seeing someone else?

before he broke up with me he said it made him sad because he knew we had a good thing but he wasn't happy with me any more

 

I'm in the same situation, with my girlfriend for almost two years, she dumped me and then pretty much straight away started seeing someone else. Or so it seemed, she's actually been seeing this guy behind my back for months... Chances are your ex was doing the same. Monkey branching as it's called.

 

I don't know if this is the case for you, but for me my relationship is dead and buried. She wants nothing at all to do with me.

[strong-hearted]

I'm in the same situation, with my girlfriend for almost two years, she dumped me and then pretty much straight away started seeing someone else. Or so it seemed, she's actually been seeing this guy behind my back for months... Chances are your ex was doing the same. Monkey branching as it's called.

 

I don't know if this is the case for you, but for me my relationship is dead and buried. She wants nothing at all to do with me.

 

 

 

honestly I don't know but maybe he was, the fact the he started acting distant and cold towards me and also changing your phone settings so that text messages wouldn't show up on the screen says a lot.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Well done for acknowledging it this will save you and others a lot of heartache, you are clearly going through a lot of internal growth and thats good.. yes u def need time on your own find out who u are and what u really want x

[Fix]

honestly I don't know but maybe he was, the fact the he started acting distant and cold towards me and also changing your phone settings so that text messages wouldn't show up on the screen says a lot.

 

Sorry to say my ex did the same thing. One day she just started deleting all of her texts, clearing her history and so on... And when I mentioned it she just brushed it off like nothing was weird about it or I was being paranoid. If someone gets into a relationship so fast it's 99% chance they were at least talking to the person before you break up... They usually leave when the new relationship is a sure thing.

 

I know how you're feeling, I'm three months post break up and feel like c-rap still. Don't know if you can send private messages on these boards but give me one if you want to talk, seem like we're in the same boat.

[strong-hearted]

Sorry to say my ex did the same thing. One day she just started deleting all of her texts, clearing her history and so on... And when I mentioned it she just brushed it off like nothing was weird about it or I was being paranoid. If someone gets into a relationship so fast it's 99% chance they were at least talking to the person before you break up... They usually leave when the new relationship is a sure thing.

 

I know how you're feeling, I'm three months post break up and feel like c-rap still. Don't know if you can send private messages on these boards but give me one if you want to talk, seem like we're in the same boat.

 

omg yeah same here, I would ask him "babe,what's wrong are you mad at me?" or "babe why are you so distant" and he would say omg it's in ur head and blahh blahh, but yes please feel free to message me

[Elle1975]

I don't do rebound relationships. I do spend some time alone after a break up, as I find it a natural thing to do. However, once I start dating, I'm not looking for a rebound, or breaking up with the new guy because of attachment issues caused by the old relationship.

[Fix]

omg yeah same here, I would ask him "babe,what's wrong are you mad at me?" or "babe why are you so distant" and he would say omg it's in ur head and blahh blahh, but yes please feel free to message me

 

Kind of a s-hitty thing to think about, but that really does sound like he was seeing someone behind your back. Usually girls/guys who are doing that seem so distant because they're essentially in two relationships, if he was distant with you his mind was most likely preoccupied with the other girl.

 

I caught my ex out twice with this other guy, once in person and once on the phone and even then she denied any wrong doing, he was just a friend, she hid it because she knew I'd get angry... What do you know, she's sleeping with him a few days after we break up and is now pursuing a relationship with him but has yet to convince him to leave his girlfriend.

 

It'll be three months tomorrow that we broke up, sad that I know that really, and it still hurts... Still annoys me how little she cares. I think you have to give up hope, go no contact, don't let this guy have any more of your energy and tell yourself your life no longer includes him or any plans you two made. I'm not saying he wont come back to you down the line, he may well do... But you can't live in wait, hoping he does. Assume the relationship over, and carry on as if it's never coming back.

 

Don't think there is a pm system on here, sorry about that

[strong-hearted]

Kind of a s-hitty thing to think about, but that really does sound like he was seeing someone behind your back. Usually girls/guys who are doing that seem so distant because they're essentially in two relationships, if he was distant with you his mind was most likely preoccupied with the other girl.

 

 

 

 

yeah that's true, for me it's been almost two months since he left me, I'm not hurt about the fact that he left but the fact that he would do that to me that's just a low blow, he had a good girl but he decided to leave me over someone who along the line is gonna treat him like crap plus she was a single mom so if that's the responsibility he wants to bring upon himself well then go ahead that's what he'll get

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Fix]

Yeah I'v felt just the same way, that I was really good to her and gave her a lot of love... And in return I get snook around on. Really is a low blow. I know everyone says it, but no contact is the best way to move on, even if you feel like moving on isn't what you want. You wont damage the chance of him coming back by going no contact, but you may do by annoying or pestering with contact... My ex left me for a guy with two kids and a girlfriend, she's just trying to make him leave her. Weird what some people do. Hope you're doing okay any way

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[strong-hearted]

yeah honestly I have my ups and downs, some days I'm fine and I'm just like yeah F him but other days I'm just like what did I ever do to him to deserve this, I also get this crazy anxiety and it scares me cuz I can't even breathe. I loved him more than he deserved I loved him more than anything and I was always there for him but he took me for granted, yeah we had our fights and I made mistakes and I told him I was willing to do anything for the sake of our relationship but I could see that he didn't really want to fix anything so there was nothing else I could do

I just know that eventually this is gonna come back to haunt him and he'll realize the huge damage he has done but it might be a little late cuz one can forgive so many things but I don't think this is one of them

just remember the key word here KARMA and she might be a little slow but when she hits you, boy she is a b*tch!

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Fix]

Sounds like we all go though the same feelings. I have felt just the same way, ups and downs... Then moments of feeling like I'm over it and ready to 'live my life', quickly followed with feeling like what's the point?

 

I know I did a lot for her, and helped her find herself in life, but I feel like she never really respected me and maybe never really loved me.

 

Hurts more to know some other guy has taken my place, is getting the love and fun that I want, it's hard not to feel angry about it. I'v thought about karma too, that what goes around comes around. She is pulling a guy from his family, and she did cheat on me and she doesn't seem to care so if there is 'karma' she should be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

I am guessing you are doing no contact? If not, as hard as it is you should really try it. It is depressing, and at times you will feel like you're just giving up, but the truth is if he is going to come back he will do it of his own accord. I feel for you, I know just what you're going though. How can you give someone so much love and have them just throw it back in your face? Doesn't seem fair.

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[strong-hearted]

you know, I would think the same thing, every day I would be like why does she get to have him, why does she get to be happy with him, but I realize hes the one who lost not me cuz I was nothing but good to him, but it's ok cuz I'm moving on and there's no way in hell I'm gonna take him back he hurt me way to much and he doesn't deserve someone like me

and as for the NC, yes I have not contacted him at all and I do not wish to talk to him any more, idk if it's good or bad but I got a lot of anger towards him all that love I once had for him it's just fading away little by little

so that's what ur ex and my ex wanted lets just let em deal with the consecuenses

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Fix]

Suppose that's the best way to think about it, they are the one's who are losing out on someone who truly loved and cared for them. It's good that you've reached the point of not wanting him back, I think that thinking like that will help a lot. What have you been doing to move on and keep busy and stuff if you don't mind me asking?

 

I have had a lot of anger towards mine too at times, it's more frustrating for me than anything.

 

Sure you'll meet a great guy soon enough, someone who really deserves you, and then your ex will be nothing but a bad memory

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[strong-hearted]

well honestly just working and trying not to think about it too much, at first it's really hard and I'm letting myself feel the pain for now cuz I know it will eventually go away, I don't cry any more, what pisses me off it's the fact that I was always there for him and he just played me, he behavior would have been understanding if I was always an a** to him or cheated on him but honestly that just shows a person's real character, the fact that they can't tell you anything to your face and be playing with people like that so we can't feel bad for them doing this to us, we should feel glad they opened our eyes and I see it as a lesson

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Fix]

Same here really, just working and trying not to focus on it too much... I know the feeling, it's like getting ripped off. You put all this effort and energy into making someone else happy and then they repay you by dumping you out of the blue and moving onto someone else like you never existed... Maybe some people are just heartless.

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[strong-hearted]

yeah, in my situation this guy just wanted a "break" he said he needed to figure out what he wanted cuz he was having 2nd thoughts about being in the relationship he made it clear he wasn't breaking up with me, he goes out of town to stay at his mom's house to supposedly think things, next thing you know I get a text from one of his friends girl to tell me he posted a picture of him and his new girl cuz he didn't even have the guts to tell me himself, I felt betrayed by him and yeah I forgive him and all but I do not want him back, now I see the kind of person he really is and like I said I got anger towards him and after what he did I honestly don't see myself beefing all happy with him like nothing happened

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Brooke02]

What about the other person? How fair is it to them that your rebounding and can't give them your 100%.

That's one of my fears when I am ready and start dating, is being someone's rebound.

Actually I might have been in my last relationship, not sure but there were signs. It's not fair to the other person.

You should take time and be ready.

[strong-hearted]

yeah that's true, it's not their fault and it's not fair that they're being used as rebounds, it's another thing that pisses me off, how other people don't have consideration towards other people's feelings but their own just going around screwing people over

Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Fix]

yeah, in my situation this guy just wanted a "break" he said he needed to figure out what he wanted cuz he was having 2nd thoughts about being in the relationship he made it clear he wasn't breaking up with me, he goes out of town to stay at his mom's house to supposedly think things, next thing you know I get a text from one of his friends girl to tell me he posted a picture of him and his new girl cuz he didn't even have the guts to tell me himself, I felt betrayed by him and yeah I forgive him and all but I do not want him back, now I see the kind of person he really is and like I said I got anger towards him and after what he did I honestly don't see myself beefing all happy with him like nothing happened

 

Yeah it's almost as sad that they ruined it, and now even if they realise they made a mistake it would be too late as they've done too much damage.

 

I'v met a few other girls and tried to get on, but it just doesn't feel right. It's not really fair on them either as I don't feel like I could commit to them fully at this point, my heart wouldn't be in it... Everyone tells me you wont even think about your ex once you meet someone new who you like. I hope they're right.

[Bella2]

Hear hear. My ex started a relationship with a woman 3 weeks after the BU. He admitted that he was already attracted to her before the BU. "Although I love you, I admire you, I respect you, you are a wonderful person, 90% of the time we were great, but... I'm no longer in love with you, blablablablablabla"

 

Yeah, it sucks, but I'm finally understanding that he and I were not meant to be, she can have him and WhatEver.

 

But yeah, still going up and down on the emotional rollercoaster too.

 

Let's take this ride together, hold hands and scream our lungs out

[singsparkles]

What's everyone's opinion on 'rebound' relationships- what I mean specifically is relationships that aren't really official or serious; may be a FWB situation or dating someone that you're not super into, to help heal? In my case, I'm basically healing from 3 past relationships as I just went from one to another without ever actually processing the losses (until now).

 

And now I'm trying to decide if I should learn to be totally alone, with no attention/validation from other people (other than friends and fam of course.) naturally, I find being alone VERY hard. I'm not sure if kind of having people "around" in th background defeats the purpose of learning to be alone or not.

 

 

lissvarna,

Wow, we are in the completely same shoes. I have practically never been single in my life, and constantly jump from relationship to relationship. After my recent relationship, I tried dating around but felt like complete crap because I felt myself comparing everyone to him and thinking of my ex the whole time on the dates because Im not over him.

 

My question is... does seeing other people make you happy, or does it make you feel more empty? Everyone is different so there's no real true answer to this question.

 

Me, I feel that I NEED to be alone for once in my life to heal and to finally be happy on my own two feet, as all my friends and family agree.

 

Do you find yourself trying to go into new relationships for VALIDATION or just FOR FUN? If it's for validation, as hard as it is to be alone, maybe you truly need to find peace in being alone and being able to validate yourself. I'm trying to do that, and it's a hard process. Loneliness is such a killer. But you can do it no matter how hard it may seem. Focus on yourself. Love yourself. Make your life revolve around yourself.

 

I think when we finally make our lives revolve around ourselves, we will attract the RIGHT people who will treat us as we treat them.

 

Right now, I think I would attract the wrong people because I'm still broken from my past relationship. I don't know your whole story.

 

But I think being alone really is healing, whether we feel it in the beginning or not. Being alone and focusing on yourself can bring you so much peace and inner happiness. You deserve happiness and love from yourself.

 

If you do take the time to be alone, think of it as a vacation. I'm doing that Pamper yourself and do things for yourself that make you feel good.'

 

And if you feel not very strong some nights, just come on here and vent. It truly does help.

 

I wish you all the happiness and healing in the world . Lots of hugs!!! xxxxxx

[strong-hearted]

Yeah it's almost as sad that they ruined it, and now even if they realise they made a mistake it would be too late as they've done too much damage.

 

I'v met a few other girls and tried to get on, but it just doesn't feel right. It's not really fair on them either as I don't feel like I could commit to them fully at this point, my heart wouldn't be in it... Everyone tells me you wont even think about your ex once you meet someone new who you like. I hope they're right.

 

yeah, I'm not gonna lie I still love him..cuz when you loved someone so much for so long you're just not gonna stop loving them overnight, he did do some serious damage but after all I still wish him the best and like you said uesj it's hard to move on