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In nc with very recent ex boyfriend


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My ex boyfriend contacted me after 3 days of me implementing no contact. He said: "Hey smile.png thinking about you. How are you?" I did not respond and do not plan to.

I am a woman in my mid 30's. He's three years younger than me. I am in love with him. We share(d) a deep emotional and physical connection. There is a great chemistry between us and our relationship had a familiar, easy, natural flow. We inspire each other and had been actively pursuing our passions more since we met.

Last week we had a long talk and he said he loves me (first time), but he doesn't see a future for us. He said he wants me in his life (several times), but he only wants a 'partial relationship' with me. This is right after he told me he had missed me and had been depressed about me. We had a fight and hadn't talked for a week before that.

About 3 months before we met his relationship ended with a woman he was with for 1 1/2 years. He was in the same position with her that I find myself in with him. He was in love with her and she was not in love with him. He told me he stuck around because even though he knew she wasn't in love with him, he got used to it and she still met his needs. He said had she been in love with him, he likely would have married her.

So I have decided I do not want to settle for this kind of toxic relationship, and have implemented no contact to heal and move on with my life, but I am still very in love with him.

My question is, can no contact work? Can a guy ever miss their ex enough to have a change of heart? I know there is love between us, and I believe our relationship ended prematurely before it had run its course. We were only together for 3 months.

Before his text today, he had been pursuing me less and less, because I was usually the one to initiate. I chased him most of our relationship instead of letting it be vice versa, so he got comfortable with that, which made him value me less.

My friends think I should tell him something like "Sorry, I'm not really in any space to be your friend right now. I am looking for more. Hope you're well."

But everything I read says the only hope of ever getting your ex back is to implement no contact. I think this is the way to go, because I will be healing myself and moving forward while turning the tables on him to (hopefully) make him miss me. It's a win win.

So I'm wondering which is the best approach in this situation. Considering he's only texted once so far since nc and it was as you say, breadcrumbs. I'm inclined to just not respond and see if he texts again. I actually do have my doubts that he will, but it would be a nice surprise if he does get in touch again. I'm sure he knows how I feel about him, so if he wants me he knows where to find me.

Oh also, he is a Pisces, I am a Cancer. I know this isn't an Astrology forum but thought I'd throw this in for good measure. :)

Thanks for reading and your comments/advice is appreciated as long as they're not mean spirited.

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WhatYouWantToHear

Yes and No.

 

No contact isn't some manipulative game you play on an ex to trick into changing into what you want them to be.

 

It's meant as a manipulative game you play on yourself to help get over them.

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Yes and No.

 

No contact isn't some manipulative game you play on an ex to trick into changing into what you want them to be.

 

It's meant as a manipulative game you play on yourself to help get over them.

 

You're right and I'm realizing that. It's the best and only way in these types of situations. Everything else will delay the healing process. Doesn't make it hurt any less.

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