Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't...

[i479]

To cut to the chase, I've found out my ex of 5 years cheated on me. I suspected as much but now have proof.

 

She dumped me several months ago and made it seem like it was all my fault. Now I know better.

 

She wrote me a long letter of apology very recently for dumping me.

 

I wasn't sure about reconciling when she sent that letter of apology but now I'm 100% sure I don't want it knowing what I know now (she didn't admit in the letter she cheated, someone told me after she sent it). Only a spineless fool would take someone like her back now.

 

To be VERY honest, finding out that she cheated on me was the best thing possible for me. It finally gave me closure. I finally was able to move on knowing it wasn't my fault and I could finally stop criticizing myself.

 

However, I'm an eye for an eye person. I don't just "leave" things until I've had the final say. That's just me.

 

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't threaten to expose about who she really is to everyone (past and present and anyone who reads it online about her in the future), instead of who she portrays herself to be to the outer world. I know she's done this to previous partners and they just let her get away with it. She crossed the wrong person this time.

 

I would only threaten to tell the truth (so I wouldn't get in trouble-defamation) and I'm pretty sure I won't actually do it. But I do want to rattle her a bit as my last say. I'd cut off all contact between us after that so I could care less if she replies after that and with what.

[Jimmyjackson]

I know the feeling, wanting to rant at them and make them feel like **** but the reality is it won't do anything. Be the bigger man and just leave it, if you don't want her back and you're done with her then wipe your hands with her and walk away.

[Halcyon]

Because that is petty childish behavior and even though you are right it will probably backfire in your face. Be the big man and walk away with your head held high. Don't lower yourself to her level. Unless you like frolicking with scum then go right ahead.

 

What happened in the past is in the past you don't have to forgive her I certainly haven't forgiven my ex that cheated on me but at least I'm not the vindictive ex with a bruised ego looking for infantile revenge.

 

What will this achieve? Absolutely nothing. What happened between you and her is between you and her.

[Ducktape]

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" -Buddha

[lauri]

Because it won't end there.

 

It'll continue to snowball and you'll continue to say the same things over and over again. Any words / actions you take against her will come off weak and desperate, show you care and that you still are emotionally attached to her. If anything, that'll make her feel better about her choice (believe it or not). She will probably feel guilty for cheating but she will feel that your reaction is the exact reason why she left you.

 

The best revenge you can get is work on yourself, workout and improve. Live a happy life and show her you don't need her. If you can actually get to that point, that is what will burn her the most.

[Satu]

Total no contact is the most powerful statement you can make, and it's also the most healing option for you.

[PegNosePete]

I'm an eye for an eye person. I don't just "leave" things until I've had the final say.

...

I'd cut off all contact between us after that so I could care less if she replies after that and with what.

These two statements seem contradictory. You must have the last word, but if she replies to your last word then you'll let her have the last word?

 

The best revenge you can possibly have, is to lead a happy life without her.

[organizedchaos]

To cut to the chase, I've found out my ex of 5 years cheated on me. I suspected as much but now have proof.

 

She dumped me several months ago and made it seem like it was all my fault. Now I know better.

 

She wrote me a long letter of apology very recently for dumping me.

 

I wasn't sure about reconciling when she sent that letter of apology but now I'm 100% sure I don't want it knowing what I know now (she didn't admit in the letter she cheated, someone told me after she sent it). Only a spineless fool would take someone like her back now.

 

To be VERY honest, finding out that she cheated on me was the best thing possible for me. It finally gave me closure. I finally was able to move on knowing it wasn't my fault and I could finally stop criticizing myself.

 

However, I'm an eye for an eye person. I don't just "leave" things until I've had the final say. That's just me.

 

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't threaten to expose about who she really is to everyone (past and present and anyone who reads it online about her in the future), instead of who she portrays herself to be to the outer world. I know she's done this to previous partners and they just let her get away with it. She crossed the wrong person this time.

 

I would only threaten to tell the truth (so I wouldn't get in trouble-defamation) and I'm pretty sure I won't actually do it. But I do want to rattle her a bit as my last say. I'd cut off all contact between us after that so I could care less if she replies after that and with what.

 

Do you really want any future partner to read online about your petty, childish, bratty behavior? That you couldn't be the bigger person? That this is how you deal with issues?

 

Once it's online, it's online forever. Think about your future relationships and what they may discover about your behavior and personality.

 

That should be reason enough.

[EgoJoe]

I told my Ex's parents and got a lash out.

 

 

I told them more so because she was acting insane in the aftermath and I predicted a further melt down.

 

 

Everyone says this because it's true and eventually it becomes apparent. The best revenge is success. Comparison is chaotic and revenge only satisfies temporarily.

 

 

I thought about signing up my Ex for a cheating exposure website and didn't. My revenge was not for once moment letting her think I believed the excuses. The chaos that comes from these situations can lead to self doubt and to guilt for not being the better person.

 

 

I regret even succumbing to the few lash outs that I did but only because deep down I am/want to be a decent human being.

[frigginlost]

I guess I'm just an S.O.B...

 

If it were me, I would say nothing *until* and *if* she ever contacts you again. Then a simple reply with:

 

"Love to chat, but my bed is getting cold.

 

Signed, His Name"

 

That would absolutely take every ounce of wind out of her sails regarding any guilt she has relieved in being nice to you.

 

But hey, I'm a pretty evil dude at times when someone has hurt me to the core...

[No Limit]

You don't have to threaten to expose her because when someone else told you, that person obviously knew it too. And there are probably a hell lot of other people knowing it too and pointing their fingers at her when she turns her back.

 

Technically, if someone asks "Why did you two break up?", I don't see the point of lying to that person either.

 

Just forget about her and throw that waste of paper-letter away. She just tried to ease her guilt.

[i479]

Ok...I sorta see why I shouldn't expose her to the public now given everyone's response.

 

But why not let her know that I know she's a slut and that it really wasn't my fault like she tried to make it out to be. What's wrong in exposing her to herself?

 

I know it'll make me feel better, telling her off and telling her that I can finally move on, not blaming myself for what happened. I want her to know that, that I know what a terrible person she really is despite her public appearance, and that I know it wasn't really my fault now and I can finally heal as a result.

 

Right now that bitch is sitting there thinking I'm still pining for her because she's got such a big head. LMAO.

[Satu]

Ok...I sorta see why I shouldn't expose her to the public now given everyone's response.

 

But why not let her know that I know she's a slut and that it really wasn't my fault like she tried to make it out to be. What's wrong in exposing her to herself?

 

I know it'll make me feel better, telling her off and telling her that I can finally move on, not blaming myself for what happened. I want her to know that, that I know what a terrible person she really is despite her public appearance, and that I know it wasn't really my fault now and I can finally heal as a result.

 

Right now that bitch is sitting there thinking I'm still pining for her because she's got such a big head. LMAO.

 

If you handle anger in a healthy way its incredibly therapeutic, but if you handle it the wrong way, you're no further along, and can end up feeling worse.

 

I'd recommend that you read up on it before you express it directly or indirectly to your ex.

[Ducktape]

I know it'll make me feel better, telling her off and telling her that I can finally move on, not blaming myself for what happened. I want her to know that, that I know what a terrible person she really is despite her public appearance, and that I know it wasn't really my fault now and I can finally heal as a result.

 

Right now that bitch is sitting there thinking I'm still pining for her because she's got such a big head. LMAO.

No it won't make yourself feel better, unless you have some weird self esteem issue. And it's not because she cheated that you had zero part in the demise of the relationship. It's a dumb move on her part, but it could be just the frosting on the cake that was your relationship. Remember that more often than not, people cheat because they are unhappy, because there's something missing, etc, you still need to do an introspection are figure things out.

 

And that feeling she has, that you are still pinning after her, will dissipate with time as she doesn't hear from you. And soon it will turn into doubts, emptiness and maybe even regrets. Don't give her the last laugh at least.

[Elle1975]

If I was on a date with a guy who proudly tells me how he went online and informed everybody what kind of a royal *b* his ex was.. I'd think "mmh psycho" and I'd promptly delete his number.

 

Beside, it's not about the last word, it's about revenge. Getting the last world would be calling her, and having a conversation with her. Hang up first if it means "having the last word" in your book.

[i479]

And it's not because she cheated that you had zero part in the demise of the relationship. It's a dumb move on her part, but it could be just the frosting on the cake that was your relationship. Remember that more often than not, people cheat because they are unhappy, because there's something missing, etc, you still need to do an introspection are figure things out.

 

And that feeling she has, that you are still pinning after her, will dissipate with time as she doesn't hear from you. And soon it will turn into doubts, emptiness and maybe even regrets. Don't give her the last laugh at least.

 

Yes, you're correct. There was other stuff. She began cheating on me (now I know) right when a family member entered the worst stages of hospice care, I was taking care of them 24/7, and I was depressed because anyone who has been through that knows what caretaker fatigue is.

 

So yes, because I was taking care of them, I couldn't devote enough time to her, she did become unhappy, and she sought out someone else.

 

A decent person would admit to their faults, that they can't handle a tough situation like that, and that they need to move one. But people like her blame it all one someone else and cheat at the same time.

 

And that feeling she has, that you are still pinning after her, will dissipate with time as she doesn't hear from you. And soon it will turn into doubts, emptiness and maybe even regrets.

 

I'm not sure selfish people like that have a conscious to go through those stages, but I see where you're coming from.

[i479]

If I was on a date with a guy who proudly tells me how he went online and informed everybody what kind of a royal *b* his ex was.. I'd think "mmh psycho" and I'd promptly delete his number.

 

Beside, it's not about the last word, it's about revenge. Getting the last world would be calling her, and having a conversation with her. Hang up first if it means "having the last word" in your book.

 

This, I now understand. And agree with more since everyone's comments have cleared a bit of the fog from my brain. Thank you all, by the way.

 

But what I still don't understand is why it would be a bad idea for me to write her an e-mail and tell her I know she cheated on me, she's not innocent in this as she made herself out to be, she's not the victim, and that I can now finally move on because I know who she truly is.

[EgoJoe]

People cheat because they are selfish, immature, inconsiderate and disrespectful.

 

 

I'm certain my Ex didn't expect me to leave and when I did it caused a melt down and insane scramble for control.

 

 

In the end I stopped responding to the pathetic attempts for control.

 

 

OP you might benefit from just sending her a text and say, " I know you cheated and realize all of the other aspects of the situation that go along with it."

 

 

Then be done. Don't listen to anything she has to say after that.

 

 

It will only get uglier after that.

[Halcyon]

Because it will achieve nothing. She won't feel bad and it will just validate her knowing she got under your skin. Silence says a lot more than any emotion charged email you will soon regret (and you will regret it once the fog clears). You are trying to make her feel bad but it won't achieve the results you are looking for I promise it won't and you will feel silly afterwards for stroking her ego.

[i479]

Well, I guess all of you must've knocked some sense in to me.

 

I'm now convinced that no matter what I send, she'll either laugh at it, think her dumping of me was justified, or will become vindictive herself.

 

So...none of the effects I actually want to have with the e-mail.

 

I've written and re-written that damn thing for 24 hours now. But it'll be staying in the word file I'll be deleting later anyways.

 

Thanks everyone.

[i479]

And that feeling she has, that you are still pinning after her, will dissipate with time as she doesn't hear from you. And soon it will turn into doubts, emptiness and maybe even regrets. Don't give her the last laugh at least.

 

Oh, and Ducktape...funny enough, after no contact from me for months, that's what her letter of apology said...she's all alone, lost, empty inside, and has no one else to turn to and is begging for forgiveness.

 

My reply was: Hi Brit, I'm doing very well. Regards.

 

This was before I found out about the cheating, but I don't think it matters all that much.

 

I think she got dumped by "that guy" and wanted an easy way back to me.

[Ducktape]

Ok...I sorta see why I shouldn't expose her to the public now given everyone's response.

 

But why not let her know that I know she's a slut and that it really wasn't my fault like she tried to make it out to be. What's wrong in exposing her to herself?

 

I know it'll make me feel better, telling her off and telling her that I can finally move on, not blaming myself for what happened. I want her to know that, that I know what a terrible person she really is despite her public appearance, and that I know it wasn't really my fault now and I can finally heal as a result.

 

Right now that bitch is sitting there thinking I'm still pining for her because she's got such a big head. LMAO.

Well there's your proof that NC and living a great life is the best revenge. And you know what? Not even acknowledging that you know her secret is hurting her much more than it would relieve you if you had told her. Because now she has to live with that lie. And no matter how despicable a person may be, them lies catch up to you at some point in your life.

 

She's the one carrying that burden, not you! In 10 years you won't even think about it anymore. In 10 years, she'll still regret her wrongdoings. So live a good life and never look back, for it will only get better for you and worse for her.

[Justanaverageguy]

Definite No. Public shaming and bad mouthing others achieves nothing even if their actions may warrant it. It only serves to make you look like a bitter and pathetic fool.

 

Have some class, have some dignity. Living well is the best revenge.

Edited December 19, 2014 by Justanaverageguy

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, I'm really glad you reconsidered this. This would have been a prodigious backfire.

[johnson_j]

The greatest form of revenge is going out and living a good life. Let her wallow in the opportunity she lost with you. Exposing her for the fraud she is only makes you look bitter, those who matter already know the truth.