We were best friends, and now we're nothing

[anonymousbear00101100]

My 2+ year relationship just officially ended last night, and I am devastated. Technically, it ended about 3 days ago, but I asked if I could have two weeks to try to work things out with her, and while it could have worked, she ignored my texts for hours on end, making it possible to try to work on anything. Around midnight we decided to have the final phone call, and she was a lot more responsive and nice and we both agreed that we definitely weren't meant to be together.

 

In our two years, we broke up at least four or five times. We would argue and fight, break up, and out of weakness, I would fight for her back and she'd agree. This was both of our firsts relationships (we're 18 and 19 respectively, so yeah, very young), and neither of us has even so much as kissed someone else. The inability to see a future outside of the other was likely a key factor in why we kept getting back together. For a few months we'd be very sweet and kind to each other, before getting lazy and picking fights. This vicious cycle really started to tear us apart towards the end, and all we did was fight. This was especially hard on her, as her college schedule is 10 times busier than mine, and the stress of fighting added on top of a busy day made her realize it wasn't meant to be a lot faster.

 

This isn't a "she's the one for me but I messed up thread". Towards the end, I thought of breaking it off with her often, and some of her habits (like the inability to understand her own feelings, incessant complaining, poor ability to manage her finances, etc.) really started bothering me (and caused a lot of fights).

 

That being said, for a couple that fought quite a bit, and really was not meant to be, we got a long so well in between fights. We talked all day and night. We had so many things in common. We would even talk about our future together, and how we wanted to get married and have children.

 

But now it's just over. I realized upon waking up this morning that I'll never see her, her family, or her dogs again.

 

I realize now that I still kind of hope to see her name pop up every time I check my phone, and that I'm still tempted to contact her even though I know it would just make things harder. She told me on the phone when we ended it that she was struggling too, but we both know it's for the best. The fact that she's struggling shatters my heart because I just want to be there for her like I always was, but I just can't. Knowing that she is thinking about me in the same way makes me so sad, and knowing that she will probably cry over me in the future makes me even sadder. I really want the best for this woman, because I truly love her as a person, even though I know we shouldn't be together.

 

All logic says we should not be together, but my heart still misses her and all the fun we had deeply.

 

How do I deal with never being able to speak to someone I truly love and wish the best for again?

 

Why do I feel guilty that I have been trying to talk to new girls and meet new people in the short time we've been separated? Is that a sign that I still feel like I want to get back together?

 

And finally. Maybe most painful of all. How do I get over the fact that just a week prior she sent me birthday cards telling me how she had no doubt we would get married and have children? I mean being honest with ourselves is a great thing, but it feels like such a sudden turn around.

Edited November 10, 2015 by rjblak13

[Silver_star]

It's hard breaking a habit. It sounds like feelings are still there (on both sides) but you both decided over time that its just not working out.

 

 

You need time apart, but you are addicted to seeing each other. For better or worse. I think you are doing good things by taking steps to move on. It's going to be tough for a while. But as the months go by and you aren't in constant contact it will be easier to see your life without each other. The world still turns, and you can still have a great life.

 

 

You shouldn't throw yourself into a new relationship right away, you are young, and you should figure out who you are. Date around, travel, develop a new skill, test the waters, and be free. Put yourself first, and hope that she does the same in moving on as well. We all deserve to be happy.

 

 

Maybe down the line when you both have developed as people and grown you can be good friends. Who knows? But don't lean on that to move on, just look to yourself.