He Won't Talk to Me After the Fight

[UltimatePanacea]

My Bf and I had a huge fight and I initiated it. I blamed him in something I am not so sure he had done now, but I was pretty upset and said a lot of hurtful things. Now he said he needed some space and that he was very upset with me and the situation we are in. It's been well over a week ever since we talked...I am giving him all the space he wants, though I miss him terribly I understand he needs some time to clear his head. It's just I feel afraid and out of control as his silence may be for an uncertain amount of time. He's never done this before, though there were time we would have arguments. This is the first time he pulls away so much and I am afraid I have lost him.

Do you guys think he will never come back for me?

[ExpatInItaly]

What was your fight about? And what did you say to him? Also, how long have you been together?

 

He's obviously very upset and it's hard to say if he's done completely. Answering the above questions would help us understand your situation more clearly.

[basil67]

If you hurt him deeply enough, then it's quite possible he's now seen you in a different light and won't return. Or he will feel better with time and come back to you. Only time will tell.

 

Have you given an unreserved apology for your behaviour?

[testmeasure]

My Bf and I had a huge fight and I initiated it. I blamed him in something I am not so sure he had done now, but I was pretty upset and said a lot of hurtful things.

 

This sounds like you are willing to take most (all?) of the responsibility for what happened. Does he know that? If, not it's worth trying to communicate that along with an apology.

 

If he is well aware of the extent to which you feel responsible for what happened, and you already apologized, it's in his hands now. I suppose it couldn't hurt to remind him of that, but I can't think of anything else that could help the situation if taking responsibility and apologizing can't.

 

I suppose if you give more details of the fight, someone might be able to think of a specific issue that you're not realizing that might need to be addressed.

[UltimatePanacea]

Well been together for 6 months and he's never been so distant and we never had a serious fight like this eeither. Well I accused him in giving me something he apparently don't have...if you know what I mean. I said sorry and he accepted it, sort of, but said he was really upset and mad at me for assuming such a terrible thing about him...

[ExpatInItaly]

Well been together for 6 months and he's never been so distant and we never had a serious fight like this eeither. Well I accused him in giving me something he apparently don't have...if you know what I mean. I said sorry and he accepted it, sort of, but said he was really upset and mad at me for assuming such a terrible thing about him...

 

You accused him of giving you an STI, I assume? Do you actually have one?

 

There are two things very wrong here:

1) You made an awful assumption about him and honestly I probably wouldn't want to be with anyone who falsely accused me either. That can't be taken back and it says a lot about your opinion of him.

 

and

 

2)If you are infected with something, when did you contract it? I understand some infections have an incubation period and don't show symptoms right away, and thus could've been contracted before him. Unfortunately, he might be under the impression that you weren't faithful. But if you are carrying a STI, you therefore could have exposed him to it too.

 

Sorry OP, but I think this is over. Whether its the first or the second case or both combined, it's a deal-breaker for most people.

 

If I have totally misunderstood what you meant, please correct me.

[d0nnivain]

This is a lot of drama for such a short relationship

 

 

I'd try this: send a snail mail apology card. In it ask him to call you but state if he doesn't call by a realistic deadline (say 10 days because you never know with the mail) you will conclude that his silence is his way of breaking up with you.

[UltimatePanacea]

Well, there is no way I could've contracted it from someone else as every time I end a relationship I always get tested. So before I met him I had already been tested negative for all sorts of things. But a few months in and I noticed weird symptoms, but then it turned out to be something else, not an actual infection (checked with health care center). We had the exclusivity talk before and decided to remain so as long as we're seeing each other. I do regret being such a bitch to him especially when nothing was confirmed, he probably thinks I'm insane or mentally unstable. Though I never yelled or anything...during the fight I did mention that there was no possible way for me to get anything like unless it was from him. He showed me his results which were negative and I felt like a total idiot.

I just don't want this to end like that, I know I scared him and I also apologized for questioning him. He didn't ignore my texts and said that he misses me and we even had a little bit of a playful chat moment, but right now he doesn't feel like seeing me. I asked if he wanted to end it for good he said that he just needs some time apart...Part of me wants to give him that space, because i don't want to annoy him and I want him to get over him and cool off...Though not so sure if he will ever want me back...after all that happened... FML

Edited January 29, 2016 by UltimatePanacea

[DarkHorizon]

He asked for time.

You have to respect his decision, whether you like it or not.

 

I know it is hard. Most of us here struggle with the same pain, but that's the right thing to do. Approaching someone after they explicitly asked for time and space is disrespectful and selfish.

[UltimatePanacea]

This is a lot of drama for such a short relationship

 

 

I'd try this: send a snail mail apology card. In it ask him to call you but state if he doesn't call by a realistic deadline (say 10 days because you never know with the mail) you will conclude that his silence is his way of breaking up with you.

We've talked already and I've apologized and so did he ( not sure why he said sorry though). He clearly stated that he needs some time apart to clear his head.

[UltimatePanacea]

He asked for time.

You have to respect his decision, whether you like it or not.

 

I know it is hard. Most of us here struggle with the same pain, but that's the right thing to do. Approaching someone after they explicitly asked for time and space is disrespectful and selfish.

You're absolutely right, I have already disrespected him and now I don't want to push any further and being selfish...I just love him so damn much It is probably hard to believe though since I didn't seem so loving when I accused him...

[d0nnivain]

If he's accepted your apology & it's been more then a week but he's still asking for space, this doesn't bode well. You fix a relationship by working together, not sulking alone.

[DarkHorizon]

I said sorry and he accepted it, sort of,

 

At least you had the chance to apologize and express regret.

So, he does know how you feel, and there is really no misunderstanding.

You did your part; now, it is in his hands.

 

Just don't fall in the whole "oh there is one more thing I want to tell him" mindset, because that would end badly -- with you pushing him further and further away.

[UltimatePanacea]

If he's accepted your apology & it's been more then a week but he's still asking for space, this doesn't bode well. You fix a relationship by working together, not sulking alone.

So true...I wish we could be sorting this thing out together. He's usually very good at communication and not the type to withdraw emotionally, but now he seems really hurt and upset.

On the other hand, I guess I am willing to give him as much time as he asks for. If someone I dated accused me of such thing I'd panic and send them to hell, definitely wouldn't ask for some space. I guess he needs a little more time, but if I don't hear from him till the deadline we both decided to wait to get another test, then I shall let this one go I guess...

[UltimatePanacea]

At least you had the chance to apologize and express regret.

So, he does know how you feel, and there is really no misunderstanding.

You did your part; now, it is in his hands.

 

Just don't fall in the whole "oh there is one more thing I want to tell him" mindset, because that would end badly -- with you pushing him further and further away.

Yup, you're right! I have those "there's one more thing to say" moments but so far I've been behaving well and haven't contacted him at all. Last time we talked he was still complimenting me and using terms of endearment, but then at the end of EVERY conversation now he brings up the hurtful things I said to him and how much he was affected...I'm such an idiot!