After four months, still feeling unsure of my progress

[msportsfan25]

Apologies for the long post. If anyone reads all of this and has a response I would be greatly appreciative. But I need to vent a few things but want to provide background.

 

So I was in a relationship with a coworker (different departments but the same company) for 5 months. Back in October she decided to end things citing she needed space and felt like her feelings should be different at this point in the relationship

 

She also did the whole "let's be friends" thing and I just dodged the question when she brought it up. I don't want to be friends since before we dated I had no interactions with her.

 

Since the night we officially broke up I have not once texted or called her. I respected her decision and gave her the space she wanted. At work I am polite and say hello to her if I pass her in the halls.

 

I also went as far as unfriending her on social media platforms. She still follows me on Instagram and Snapchat but it doesn't really bother me since I don't frequently use them.

 

However, over the past few months she has tried to reach out in different ways.

 

1. 2 weeks after the break up she sent the "check in text" and reiterated how she would like to be friends. I was polite and told her I would continue to give her space (and yet again dodged the let's be friends part).

 

2. Every so often she tags me in photos she sees in IG. Mostly dog photos since she knows I am a big fan of dogs. I haven't reciprocated.

 

3. She texted me in the beginning of December just a pic of us (a goofy one we took). I responded back an hour later with a light comment because at this point I had no ill will towards her and wanted to at least see what she was looking for.

 

After my response she sends a heart emoji. Nothing else.

 

I start to get anxious and decide that I should be blunt and said "is there somethign you want to say? I am not sure why you are sending me this?"

 

Her response was "oh no sorry, I was just going through my phone and deleting some old photos"

 

I just said have a good night and ended it.

 

4. She occasionally likes my IG posts and religiously looks at my Snapchat stories (usually within in 20 mins even on a Saturday night which is weird).

 

During the past four months I have kept myself active (lost 25 lbs) and found hobbies and spent a lot of time with my friends and family.

 

On a personal note, I also found out less than a week before the break up that my dad has cancer. I told her about this as well. I don't blame her for breaking up with me or resent her for doing it because there is never a good time to break up with someone.

 

Last week is where I am starting to question myself.

 

First, I stupidly decided to fire up Tinder (I used it a few weeks after the break up but quickly realized how dumb of an app it is) and got matched up with my ex.

 

The weird thing was I didn't recognize her photos because she was using older photos (she is overweight, but it didn't bother me when we dated). I also noticed her account said she was 25 yet when we were dating she said she was 23 and her bday was Jan 1st (I debated texting her happy bday, but I opted to wish her a birthday when I passed her in the halls instead). I felt like crap I guess because part of me still wants her to come back to me. I do miss the connection we had and overall our relationship was a good one. We didn't fight, but I think the one thing we could have worked on was the amount of communication. We tended to skype during work, text at night when we weren't together and I would sleep over 2-4 times a week. But I enjoyed every single minute with her and didn't mind. I did make sure to have time with friends or time alone as well.

 

Then I find out my dad's cancer is not good. He basically has one treatment option left and after that there's nothing else they can do.

 

Obviously this devastating news has led me to feel a mixture of emotions.

 

The first being that I feel guilty about focusing more on the breakup over the past few months compared to my dad.

 

The other is having a strong urge to reach out to my ex. I've never really had this urge until the past few days. Over the past few weeks when I see her in the office she seems awkward/nervous to talk to me. I just want to text her to let her know I don't hate her or am mad at her. I know I was harsh/blunt the night she texted me but it was because I don't want to waste my time on dumb stuff like that.

 

While part of me would love to get back with her, I do realize I am most likely better off not being with her no matter how great I felt the relationship was. My friends who met her/know her all say that she hasn't been acting normal post-breakup and that she might have some issues of her own that might have led to her ending it.

 

I guess my question out of this long post is, have I regressed? I have felt great up until this point and never had self-doubts about anything since the breakup until now. Or am I just being overly emotional due to the other circumstances coming into my life right now?

 

Again apologies for the length but wanted to provide as much detail as possible on my situation and background on the BU.

[msportsfan25]

Hey everyone,

 

Cliff notes on relationship

-coworker

-dated 5 months and she broke things off in october (wanted space and unsure of her feelings)

-I went NC outside of work but at work I am cordial and say hello

 

Then back in December she sends me a text of a goofy pic we took. So later on I responded with a short sentence back. She then sends a heart emoji. So now my mind is racing and I decide just to be blunt and say "is there something you want to say? Not really sure why you're sending me this pic"

 

She responds saying oh no sorry I was just cleaning out old photos from my phone and found this one. Obviously this is one of the oldest "tricks" in the book but very random that after almost two months she randomly decides to text me on a Saturday night.

 

It has bothered me that I feel like I handled it the right way, but if I wanted to have a chance of getting back together with her then I didn't.

 

But at the same time, should I have handled it differently? Or should I chalk this up as a "breadcrumb" text and nothing more.

 

I know people say the ex who broke things off should come back and say what they want. Unfortunately, not all people are like that so I am wondering if that might be the case with her.

[VeveCakes]

 

But at the same time, should I have handled it differently? Or should I chalk this up as a "breadcrumb" text and nothing more.

 

I know people say the ex who broke things off should come back and say what they want. Unfortunately, not all people are like that so I am wondering if that might be the case with her.

 

This.

 

If someone wants you in their life, they will make it known. You asked her and she had a lame excuse. She really just wanted to make sure you didn't forget about her.

[msportsfan25]

This.

 

If someone wants you in their life, they will make it known. You asked her and she had a lame excuse. She really just wanted to make sure you didn't forget about her.

 

What is the point of her wanting me to not forget about her? We work together so I see her almost everyday in the halls. Seems really weird.

 

Thanks for the insight, I really appreciate it.

[VeveCakes]

Ego boost. So you cant move on. Fallback boy. Could be anything...but it isn't what you are hoping. Sorry

[msportsfan25]

Ego boost. So you cant move on. Fallback boy. Could be anything...but it isn't what you are hoping. Sorry

 

No need to apologize. It's pretty pathetic to be honest considering she ended it and wanted me out of her life.

[VeveCakes]

No need to apologize. It's pretty pathetic to be honest considering she ended it and wanted me out of her life.

 

I know. My ex did the same. 5 months later he STILL breadcrumbs me. Breaks my heart every time. Finally did the final axe last week They are selfish.

[fromheart]

Hey everyone,

 

Cliff notes on relationship

-coworker

-dated 5 months and she broke things off in october (wanted space and unsure of her feelings)

-I went NC outside of work but at work I am cordial and say hello

 

Then back in December she sends me a text of a goofy pic we took. So later on I responded with a short sentence back. She then sends a heart emoji. So now my mind is racing and I decide just to be blunt and say "is there something you want to say? Not really sure why you're sending me this pic"

 

She responds saying oh no sorry I was just cleaning out old photos from my phone and found this one. Obviously this is one of the oldest "tricks" in the book but very random that after almost two months she randomly decides to text me on a Saturday night.

 

It has bothered me that I feel like I handled it the right way, but if I wanted to have a chance of getting back together with her then I didn't.

 

But at the same time, should I have handled it differently? Or should I chalk this up as a "breadcrumb" text and nothing more.

 

I know people say the ex who broke things off should come back and say what they want. Unfortunately, not all people are like that so I am wondering if that might be the case with her.

 

 

Your response was absolutely fine; 'What do you want? Get to the point.' She gave no answer of note, so you resume NC and get on with your life.

 

It could be a few things, but usually a dumper will be very confused when a man who gos NC and gets on with his life. She thought you were weaker than that, you proved her wrong.

 

Just carry on as you have been doing.

 

 

Looking through the rest of your post, sorry to hear your Dad is ill. When we get these testing times in life, the people who are really in our corner will show up. The ones who aren't will disappear. She's not here right now, and that's saying something. Go for the woman who is firmly in your corner when life gets rough.

Edited January 9, 2017 by fromheart

[msportsfan25]

Your response was absolutely fine; 'What do you want? Get to the point.' She gave no answer of note, so you resume NC and get on with your life.

 

It could be a few things, but usually a dumper will be very confused when a man who gos NC and gets on with his life. She thought you were weaker than that, you proved her wrong.

 

Just carry on as you have been doing.

 

 

Looking through the rest of your post, sorry to hear your Dad is ill. When we get these testing times in life, the people who are really in our corner will show up. The ones who aren't will disappear. She's not here right now, and that's saying something. Go for the woman who is firmly in your corner when life gets rough.

 

Thank you for your response. Yes this is a testing time and my friends and relatives have been amazing through all of this.

 

There is something about having that intimate relationship with someone that always helps during trying times like this one for me. Part of me lately has been thinking it would be so much better if she were here.

 

But like you said, she decided to walk away during this time (and I don't resent her for it, there is never an optimal or right time to break up with someone). She doesn't deserve the attention or space in my head I have been giving her.

 

and as badly as I would like to reach out to her I know nothing good would come of it. As much as I can imagine scenarios in my head, I know that's all it is. If she really cared, she wouldn't have left or even thought about letting go. But she did, that's what I should (and have) realized.