im_derek2 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 (edited) Holiday Breakup: It happened the day before Thanksgiving. She felt that I didn't love her. We are both 30. We were in a relationship for 2 years. I have always been emotionally closed off, and sort of reserved, and I didn't demonstrate that I loved her enough... I have a really small family, and growing up I was always there to listen for them. I felt it was inappropriate to tell my mother and sister about my problems. I now realize that this was wrong. In this relationship it was the same, I was there to listen, but I never shared my feelings... When she broke up with me I had a real breakdown. Crying in front of her for the first time in years. Through limited contact in December I was able to demonstrate to her that I did really love her, but had done a horrible job of showing it. While uncertain of it before, I am confident she knew I loved her. We were together two years and never had a single fight. We both grew up with a lot of confrontation and avoided it in our relationship. A few healthy arguments could have addressed this problem before it was too late, but I realize she had fallen out of love with me. Since Thanksgiving I have made a real effort to change--not for her sake, but for mine. I have done my best to be emotionally open talking to my sister seriously (for the first time as an adult), friends, and weekly visits to a therapist. I realize my career change and graduate school have made me depressed, and I am taking steps to address that. I have been respectful of my ex's space. A few letters, a few texts, and some phone calls, flowers, and once she let me take her to dinner. On Christmas she called, and said she thought she would try, but now isn't interested in fixing it. She said she believes in true love, and for me not to love her the way she needs to be loved is non-negotiable. She understands that I want to try, but she doesn't. We haven't spoken since. At this point I feel really guilty for hurting her. I did not act this way consciously, but nonetheless, I caused this to happen. I have never loved someone before, and wasn't sure how to process these feelings. I know we want the same things in life and we had a genuine connection. Although all signs point to the opposite, I feel like I will get another chance with her. Something I am learning about is 'falling out of love with someone'. I understand that is what happened in our relationship. Can you fall back in love with someone, if you've lost it? I have never loved someone before her, and I still love her, so 'falling out of love' is an unknown emotion for me. I guess, the reality of the breakup hasn't sunk in. I feel very empathetic for her, that she hasn't learned how to solve problems, and her coping mechanism is to run away. Yes, a popular answer might be to 'find someone more like you' and you won't have this problem. But dating her helped me experience new emotions and vice versa. Because I was respectful of her space and haven't inundated her with messages, she has never told me not to contact her. While she was very firm in her stance that she is not interested in fixing our relationship and it is easier to "find someone new", I guess I haven't come to terms with it yet. It's been NC since Christmas with no lapses. I will graduate in June and have a position lined up in our city. I am working on myself physically and emotionally. I want to reach out to her eventually as I have this feeling that it can't be over. Do you think reconciliations between exes seldom happen because the parties don't change in reality? Thanks... Edited January 14, 2017 by im_derek2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author im_derek2 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 It seems like there is a lot of 'finality' in our breakup--especially from someone who admitted she hates confrontation. Does everyone else agree? Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 9 out of 10 times thier is always someone else. Trust me on that. You just don't break up with someone without trying to at least fix the problem first-esp a relationship that has been over a year. It's much easier to come up with a random excuse. Which is what yours did. Funny how it took place right BEFORE all the holidays-Christmas,NEW YEARS EVE -let that sink in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author im_derek2 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 Probably so then. She removed me from her social media. Link to post Share on other sites
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