Rebounds and Rude Awakenings

[Beachead]

Hey guys,

 

So I've read about a lot of the rebound stories on here. I've come to share mine. Please go easy as I am healing.

 

This girl and her boyfriend were a month into their break from their long time 4 year relationship. She met me around this time. We connected very quickly. 15 min conversations once a week became full day conversations everyday within 2 weeks. She really pushed her way into my life. I asked her what was the situation with her boyfriend and she said she was still sorting it out but eventually ended it with him to be with me. I saw her fade away and become unhappy after that and I knew it was because she wasn't over him. And yes I fooled myself into thinking this wasn't a rebound relationshp and she meant every word she told me and everything she did. When she as with me, she was happy. By herself she cried a lot she said. Eventually after 2 months and after a few hurtful situations, I knew this was going to end very ugly if we continued and so I ended it even though it ended in 2 bad fights because my heart was broken too. Eventually I calmed down and closed things off calmly after a few days and we agreed it would be okay.

 

3 days after, she told me she was going back to her Ex. Even though I was the one who initiated the break up this time, it wasn't because I had stopped loving her so it has been killing me inside ever since it happened. At the time, I told her I needed time and space to heal and not to contact me. So we agreed. But in between this, she contacted me a few times. Told me not to throw away any of the stuff that she had bought for me because she spent time and love finding the gifts. A week after that, she wished me well on my surgery the following day by text. When I responded, she said that she couldn't talk to me anymore because she didn't want to hurt him. I told her I understood even though it was painful.

 

3 weeks later, she sent a short email sending me a job link. I read it and ignored it but over the course of 3 weeks. Eventually after 6 weeks of not (Since the day of my surgery) talking to her and giving myself time, I responded back. She ignored me. I called her and left a voicemail letting her know that everything was okay and that I wished her well in her relationship and life endeavors only because she had emailed me but she didn't call me back. Felt even worse so I then sent her a message saying the same thing. No response. And I swear had it not been for her email, I would have been okay. But all I could think about was did I exit this too fast. Did I not try hard enough. Should I see? So I continued and asked her why she was ignoring me. That was when she responded back and said she said she promised her boyfriend she wouldn't talk to me. There was no acknowledgement of what I had tried to talk about. No emotion. It broke me and I regretted reaching out. I've been through a lot of pain prior to this. Didn't need this. I didn't respond and blocked her.

 

Why did she email me then? Why tell me to keep all her stuff. Why check up on me?

 

Like many of you, my ex said and did a lot. Dare I say 2 weeks before she went to her ex, we had sex and that was when she told me she loved me. And had said it a few more times later. Said I was one of the most important people in her life. We had pictures together. She bought me a lot of gifts and talked about "our story" and how it's good that her friend was around to witness it. There are numerous memories.

 

It baffles me how someone can be with someone so convincingly and then move on so quickly.

 

 

My question is after all the problems she had with her ex, do you think it would work between them. She jumped right back into that relationship just like she had jumped into one with me. No healing. No reflecting. No time alone time. Just rushed back in even though his actions and their problems are what led to this.

 

Any insight?

Edited October 4, 2017 by Beachead

[Buriall]

She might have some sort of personality disorder.

 

No its not going to work with her ex, forget about them both. You need to take care of yourself

[Beachead]

Curious as to what makes you think it won't work out?

 

They have been together for 4 years.

[Buriall]

It didnt workout with her and him than you came into the picture. It didnt work out with you and her so she went back. Unstable relationships dont work These type of people will say and do things that are right in that moment but their words and actions wont match. Doesnt matter how long theyve been together..

[Beachead]

Thanks.

 

It's good to hear from someone else what I've also learned in my lifetime about certain kinds of people.

[Giggles666]

I was used as a "rebound" so I know what you're going through right now. It sucks, what you and I need to do is learn from it and realize we were just buffers, it's next to impossible to ever have any meaningful relationship with her.

 

Don't waste your time, which is easier said than done but full NC and don;t look back. Also, try to not analyze whether her and her reunited boyfriend will work out. You're going to torture yourself and you might want it to last, sometimes these damaged folks come back and then you'll be in a world of hurt.

 

Good luck, keep your head up and you'll be better off than her if you just let go and start accepting/healing.

[N2017]

Hey guys,

 

So I've read about a lot of the rebound stories on here. I've come to share mine. Please go easy as I am healing.

 

This girl and her boyfriend were a month into their break from their long time 4 year relationship. She met me around this time. We connected very quickly. 15 min conversations once a week became full day conversations everyday within 2 weeks. She really pushed her way into my life. I asked her what was the situation with her boyfriend and she said she was still sorting it out but eventually ended it with him to be with me. I saw her fade away and become unhappy after that and I knew it was because she wasn't over him. And yes I fooled myself into thinking this wasn't a rebound relationshp and she meant every word she told me and everything she did. When she as with me, she was happy. By herself she cried a lot she said. Eventually after 2 months and after a few hurtful situations, I knew this was going to end very ugly if we continued and so I ended it even though it ended in 2 bad fights because my heart was broken too. Eventually I calmed down and closed things off calmly after a few days and we agreed it would be okay.

 

3 days after, she told me she was going back to her Ex. Even though I was the one who initiated the break up this time, it wasn't because I had stopped loving her so it has been killing me inside ever since it happened. At the time, I told her I needed time and space to heal and not to contact me. So we agreed. But in between this, she contacted me a few times. Told me not to throw away any of the stuff that she had bought for me because she spent time and love finding the gifts. A week after that, she wished me well on my surgery the following day by text. When I responded, she said that she couldn't talk to me anymore because she didn't want to hurt him. I told her I understood even though it was painful.

 

3 weeks later, she sent a short email sending me a job link. I read it and ignored it but over the course of 3 weeks. Eventually after 6 weeks of not (Since the day of my surgery) talking to her and giving myself time, I responded back. She ignored me. I called her and left a voicemail letting her know that everything was okay and that I wished her well in her relationship and life endeavors only because she had emailed me but she didn't call me back. Felt even worse so I then sent her a message saying the same thing. No response. And I swear had it not been for her email, I would have been okay. But all I could think about was did I exit this too fast. Did I not try hard enough. Should I see? So I continued and asked her why she was ignoring me. That was when she responded back and said she said she promised her boyfriend she wouldn't talk to me. There was no acknowledgement of what I had tried to talk about. No emotion. It broke me and I regretted reaching out. I've been through a lot of pain prior to this. Didn't need this. I didn't respond and blocked her.

 

Why did she email me then? Why tell me to keep all her stuff. Why check up on me?

 

Like many of you, my ex said and did a lot. Dare I say 2 weeks before she went to her ex, we had sex and that was when she told me she loved me. And had said it a few more times later. Said I was one of the most important people in her life. We had pictures together. She bought me a lot of gifts and talked about "our story" and how it's good that her friend was around to witness it. There are numerous memories.

 

It baffles me how someone can be with someone so convincingly and then move on so quickly.

 

 

My question is after all the problems she had with her ex, do you think it would work between them. She jumped right back into that relationship just like she had jumped into one with me. No healing. No reflecting. No time alone time. Just rushed back in even though his actions and their problems are what led to this.

 

Any insight?

Hey Beachead, this girl has some serious problems. Being a girl, I know how even if a guy is wrong for you, it's hard to shake feelings for them off. Especially if it was the first relationship or if it lasted a while. Maybe she didn't mean to use you, but she sure as heck made you feel that way. I think her emotions were probably just out of control and became overly determined to heal the wounds from the last relationship. Honestly, a month is not enough to recover for something like that. I knew the guy I've been talking to for a year and even though it was never official it's been 4 months and I'm still nervous whenever I see him.

 

She was also probably hurt that you dumped her and that you didn't respond to her message about the job offering for weeks. I know when I'd reach out to the guy I'd be upset that he'd take forever to reply, even if I knew he had received and seen my message immediately (the benefits of having auto-receipt request on email). Look at yourself; she didn't respond to your attempts to contact her back for a while and it drove you nuts.

 

I can't rebound honestly; I'm the type that cries and longs for the guy back instead of going out to find the next guy. I remember one of my coworkers that I actually found attractive was making moves after this happened and I turned it down because I was too upset. Point is, I understand how you feel, and it is a rough situation to be in, and I hope you can heal.

[Beachead]

Hey Beachead, this girl has some serious problems. Being a girl, I know how even if a guy is wrong for you, it's hard to shake feelings for them off. Especially if it was the first relationship or if it lasted a while. Maybe she didn't mean to use you, but she sure as heck made you feel that way. I think her emotions were probably just out of control and became overly determined to heal the wounds from the last relationship. Honestly, a month is not enough to recover for something like that. I knew the guy I've been talking to for a year and even though it was never official it's been 4 months and I'm still nervous whenever I see him.

 

She was also probably hurt that you dumped her and that you didn't respond to her message about the job offering for weeks. I know when I'd reach out to the guy I'd be upset that he'd take forever to reply, even if I knew he had received and seen my message immediately (the benefits of having auto-receipt request on email). Look at yourself; she didn't respond to your attempts to contact her back for a while and it drove you nuts.

 

I can't rebound honestly; I'm the type that cries and longs for the guy back instead of going out to find the next guy. I remember one of my coworkers that I actually found attractive was making moves after this happened and I turned it down because I was too upset. Point is, I understand how you feel, and it is a rough situation to be in, and I hope you can heal.

 

Neither can I. But to my defense, I think I exited respectfully. She kept temporarily breaking up with me and then coming back throughout our relationship because she couldn't decide what she was feeling and I understand that. I can't compete with a guy she loved for 4 years. It was hard enough considering my own past but I always responded when she came back. She didn't let me go and neither did I. I had a conversation with her after we came back the weekend she told me she loved me. I told her about my fears and about something like this happening. She told me to trust her and have faith. When she started acting cold a week later, I knew nothing was going to change. If I had continued with her this way, we wouldn't have lasted another month.

 

I have always been someone who's aware of how my actions would affect another person. That's why I made sure I explained that I was hurting and wouldn't be around to respond because I needed time to grieve and get over this. At the time I lost my job. I had a surgery and was bedridden at home. In pain. In a lot of pain. And in between all that she went back to him. Promised him to never talk to me again. Left me during one of the toughest times of my life. Just thinking about the look on her face when she made that promise knowing what we had shared..yea she knows what she did.

Edited October 5, 2017 by Beachead

[Beachead]

I was used as a "rebound" so I know what you're going through right now. It sucks, what you and I need to do is learn from it and realize we were just buffers, it's next to impossible to ever have any meaningful relationship with her.

 

Don't waste your time, which is easier said than done but full NC and don;t look back. Also, try to not analyze whether her and her reunited boyfriend will work out. You're going to torture yourself and you might want it to last, sometimes these damaged folks come back and then you'll be in a world of hurt.

 

Good luck, keep your head up and you'll be better off than her if you just let go and start accepting/healing.

 

Thank you.

 

I won't. I know I did everything I could do. I can live with that.

Edited October 5, 2017 by Beachead

[Giggles666]

That's the attitude to have. Keep it up. I know it's hard but as the above poster said these people don't always know what they are doing, they're not aware they are using you to fill a void. There is nothing you can do, or could have done. You never controlled any aspect of the relationship except to walk.

 

As I said I am with you, some days are better than others. My only solace in losing a friend of 24 years who I fell madly in love with is this....it could have lasted longer.

 

Even if she and I were to reconcile it would be very hard, I lost respect for her big time.

 

Never look back, my friend....keep moving forward. You'll be OK.

[Beachead]

In all honesty, I'm not as composed as I appear to be. It does hurt a lot some days. The shock of the loss. Admittedly, Sometimes I hope it doesn't work out between her and her ex (I know how bad that sounds). And the reason is because I'm tired of seeing everyone else end happily ever after and my situation just continues to be like this. But I guess I just have to deal with these thoughts as they come and carry on until they're not.

Edited October 7, 2017 by Beachead

[Woodburner]

Beach head,

Do not sweat it. I have been there. They will not work out. Seen it many many times and what they have will fail. Just give it time...............

[OatsAndHall]

At best, she was in a bad frame of mind following the demise of a four year relationship when you met her. She jumped into a relationship too quickly, wasn't over her ex and wasn't thinking.

 

At the worst, she is co-dependent and played the odds between you and her ex.. She couldn't be alone and used you for emotional comfort while she sorted things out in her own head with her ex.

 

Either way, she's back with her ex and her behavior wasn't acceptable. I would just take a step back, realize that it's not a good situation and move on.

[Beachead]

It's tough guys. It's so tough.

 

I been through 3 breakups now. The 1st one was in my control but I wasn't emotionally ready to handle her and she left. But this is the 2nd time I felt ready but things were out of my control and it caused the relationship to fail. It's so disheartening. I put 150% into things and my feelings die so slowly. This is something in me I wish I could change. And I'm turning 31 and I guess there's this very real feeling that time is passing and this part of my life and what I hoped for it to be like is slipping away. And then to be with someone who spent every minute with me cuddling, buying me gifts while she was out with her friend, telling me she had been searching for someone like me their whole life, looks me in the eyes and tells me she loves me. To just appear happy with me but suddenly switch up like this and disappear makes me feel like I don't know anything at all. Makes me feel like a loser or that relationships were not meant for me. I was meant to be a stepping stone or a life lesson for others.

 

I've been concentrating on my new job and trying to distract myself with friends, family, and other things atm. Some days it works well but sometimes it's rough. Early this week, I had a dream about her and it didn't help that I heard songs at work that reminded me of her, passed by places we visited together while driving and so on so forth. Even last night was incredibly rough.

 

I wish I could just reset all the damage that was caused from not only her, but everyone else in the past, but it doesn't work like that. I guess time and active strategic healing is all I can do.

Edited October 15, 2017 by Beachead

[Trust666]

The dreams suck, I have them. The other thing I have is waking up on some days and having to go through realizing all over again that we broke up.

 

I'm also with you on the pain and damage we leave in our wake and or are part of, I'm learning it's life. Some hurt a lot more than others.

 

Many of us are right where you are, it's hard and I wish you the best of luck.

 

It's not right that some folks rebound, some are not aware of it some are but in the end they end up screwing up a 3rd party who gets all messed up.

[Beachead]

The dreams suck, I have them. The other thing I have is waking up on some days and having to go through realizing all over again that we broke up.

 

I'm also with you on the pain and damage we leave in our wake and or are part of, I'm learning it's life. Some hurt a lot more than others.

 

Many of us are right where you are, it's hard and I wish you the best of luck.

 

It's not right that some folks rebound, some are not aware of it some are but in the end they end up screwing up a 3rd party who gets all messed up.

 

Thanks Trust666. Part of me just wants that relationship to end and for her to come back but I doubt it. I feel bad for feeling like this but I guess it's normal. I know over time, all these feelings will subside.

Edited October 16, 2017 by Beachead

[Highndry]

I'm noticing a pattern in a lot of these posts, and it's that these women want their cake and to eat it to. They're using guys, with no consideration for their feelings. They're selfish to the very core, and really poisonous insofar as relationships are concerned. I think the goal should be to not only never talk to them again, but try to avoid that type in the future.

[Beachead]

I don't know. I think in some cases, there isn't really a way to spot this type until they reveal themselves in the act. They all just seem normal people dealing with everyday problems.

 

She made me believe the positive sides of her.

 

She showed up to an appointment regarding my surgery before we even started going out which is one of the reasons I started to fall for her. I didn't ask her to do that but she did things like this. And she was looking me dead in the eyes when she said she loved me. Dead in the eyes when she told me to trust her and have faith in this. Dead in the eyes when she said she wasn't in this for only fun..and that it was serious. She'd buy me gifts when she was out with her friend. She knew I didn't want her to spend her money but she'd do it anyway and show up in the evening to surprise me with them. I wanted to have sex with her but I never pushed and thought we'd take it slow but she was the one who asked me to. And the week before we broke up, she had arranged for me to meet her sister. She talked about me meeting her parents and really put a lot of thought into it. She wasn't a bad girlfriend. And it's not because I'm choosing to remember the positive only. We just never fought about us or who she was or or who I was. The problem was her ex and only her ex. Then we decayed in just over a week and suddenly she was back with him and gone from my life.

 

I look back 2 months later and still can't process it.

 

Like why? How can someone who was like that, do this? How do they just stop?

 

Calling it a rebound just feels like a dismissal or a cop out of an answer to me even though that's what it probably was.

Edited October 18, 2017 by Beachead

[Beachead]

Needed to come back here for a personal session.

 

I feel my mood slipping down the hole again. It's been 2 months since I last heard from her. I shouldn't care but I care. I should be relieved but I feel crappy. I miss her and I wish I didn't.

 

Everyday is such a struggle to get through just because I had to be stupid and give this girl a try. A girlwho left me for a second try with her ex and who now has vanished. All those conversations and moments we shared just brushed off like dust. Really makes a person feel insignificant.

 

I want to just be over this.

Edited November 14, 2017 by Beachead

[wishyouneverleft]

Needed to come back here for a personal session.

 

I feel my mood slipping down the hole again. It's been 2 months since I last heard from her. I shouldn't care but I care. I should be relieved but I feel crappy. I miss her and I wish I didn't.

 

Everyday is such a struggle to get through just because I had to be stupid and give this girl a try. A girlwho left me for a second try with her ex and who now has vanished. All those conversations and moments we shared just brushed off like dust. Really makes a person feel insignificant.

 

I want to just be over this.

 

Hey, I know what you're going through. I went as far as buy an engagement ring and was about to propose (photographer ready and everything), 7 days before she dumped me. It was all perfect, the families knew each other, she reassured me that I was "the one", my intuition even gave me the thumbs up... and then just like that, it ended. From what I'm reading, perhaps you should take the plunge and see a therapist. Someone holistic that'll really dig in deep and see how you fell for someone like that. Perhaps there were red flags that were ignored; I know I did. Until this day I kick myself on how I could have fallen for someone like that, but my therapist really helped and although I'm still mourning, I've had the strength to not give in when she reached out. Women like this always reach out, may not be tomorrow, may not be next month, hell, it might not be in two years, but they always reach out. My best advice to you, since we're the same age as well, seek help. Wisdom is learning from your AND other people's mistakes; we don't live long enough to only learn from our own.

[Beachead]

Hey, I know what you're going through. I went as far as buy an engagement ring and was about to propose (photographer ready and everything), 7 days before she dumped me. It was all perfect, the families knew each other, she reassured me that I was "the one", my intuition even gave me the thumbs up... and then just like that, it ended. From what I'm reading, perhaps you should take the plunge and see a therapist. Someone holistic that'll really dig in deep and see how you fell for someone like that. Perhaps there were red flags that were ignored; I know I did. Until this day I kick myself on how I could have fallen for someone like that, but my therapist really helped and although I'm still mourning, I've had the strength to not give in when she reached out. Women like this always reach out, may not be tomorrow, may not be next month, hell, it might not be in two years, but they always reach out. My best advice to you, since we're the same age as well, seek help. Wisdom is learning from your AND other people's mistakes; we don't live long enough to only learn from our own.

 

Thank you for your reply wishyouneverleft.

 

I am sorry for what you had to go through with this girl. She should have been more introspective about how she was feeling if she cared about you to avoid leading you on like this. It does bother me a lot that many people out there can be so reckless in relationships when they can only be built on trust, honesty and communication. I guess the light to this dark side is that in that painful discovery, you were spared the financial burden of weddings, buying a new home, and other marriage related expenses as well as ending up with someone who turned out to be uninvested. I know there's not much comfort in this when you invested so much of yourself and this was the crappy outcome. Good on you for holding strong and not reaching out to her.

 

The only memory of her is this card I keep in my wallet that she gave to me for goodluck. It was something her parents gave her. I thought I had given away everything she bought me but I forgot about that and decided to keep it. She bought me a lot of things which she surprised me with. More gifts than I bought her. She always called. Showed me attention. Was concerned about my life. And that was the thing about her..she backed her words up with action. Genuinely made me feel loved. If it wasn't for who she was, I would have never considered a relationship with her. I didnt consider a relationship with anyone and there were girls who came my way. Unfortunately, everything we could have been was dwarfed by this 4 year love she had with her ex. I hope maybe you are right and that maybe she'll reach out again one day because I certainly can't. It's out of my hands. But I only see this happening if they break up. Only thing I can do now is carry on and forget.

[Beachead]

I'm 3.5 months of my break up and it's been over 2 months since she last reached out. It's gotten very hard.

 

The silence from entering several weeks of no contact is hitting me. Thoughts are going all over the place. As much as I try not to think about it and keep busy, they come back and haunt me. Dreams too.

[Buriall]

Be patient with yourself.

[Beachead]

Well I got super weak and did what I shouldn't have done.

 

I unblocked her on fb. Saw her profile picture. It was of her and her ex and a facebook relationship "In a relationship with so and so" update. I was hoping they wouldn't work out. In fact I was hoping the ones who said they wouldn't work out on here would be right. I feel bad for feeling it but I guess I'm just sick of being the one getting the short end of the stick. But, looks like they are happy and she moved on.

 

Turned myself into a fool for this fickle girl and the regret is strong.

 

I feel depleted. Foolish. Angry. Distant. Quite distant from everybody and everything these days. I wake up in the morning and I get chest pain. It's been brutal.

 

Month 3 takes the cake.

Edited November 29, 2017 by Beachead

[Downanddown]

Beachhead.

 

I feel you brother. I really do.

 

My ex did the dumping however but was practically forcing me to do it as she was treating me like dirt the last few weeks.

 

What does she do the day she breaks up with me? Runs back to her ex..after being with me for 6 years!!!

Granted. They have 2 kids together but moral of they story, try not to worry if they work out or not. It's irrelevant. But I've been in your shoes. Wondering will they last blah blah blah.

These types of people are broken man. Damaged goods. They are not wired like you and me.

Hang in there brother. There is light at the end of tunnel and it will shine bright eventually. Promise