He dumped me? [Update from merged threads]

[natashalove]

So my boyfriend of 4 months has recently been visiting his university (he graduated last year) and I found out that he was talking to the same girl he was in love or say had a serious crush on. They would have been couple had the term not ended and he wasn't graduating. This is the same girl he was obsessed with and was crazy about.

 

This was mutual feelings situation and they both were head over heels into each other. But things did not work out as they met when the term ended and he was returning back to his home country.

 

However, he moved back to the same city and has been going to his old university for left over work and I found out that the girl still studies there and on every time he went, they ENCOUNTERED each other. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 

Though they didn't speak until yesterday. I also found out that he basically told him everything about his current life. Like where he works, what is he doing etc.

And he also didn't mention that he had a girlfriend when the girl sked her if he was free this week. He just said he has things to do.

 

Tell me why would a guy who hasn't seen this girl in over 8 months, whom he was in love with, clearly remember her and even talk in a friendly manner? This is no random girl. Those two even attempted to go out but couldn't. And she is extremely beautiful , at least in his eyes.

 

A friend of mine, who still studies there saw them and its bothering me so much.This friend of mine knew he liked her as she had caught him staring at her multiple times and even saw them have their first conversation last year.

 

My boyfriend is short tempered so I don't want to bug him but this is unacceptable. This is no regular girl but a girl he fell for rather hard. Why even attempt to talk to her and tell her everything even if she asked him?

 

Why couldn't he just ignore her like he was doing? My friend mentioned that out of all printers, he chose the ones situated BESIDE HER to scan his documents. And they also looked at each other multiple times before they started chatting.

 

Why even remember this girl?

[basil67]

Natasha, I think you know the answers to all of your questions. Perhaps you're wanting someone to tell you that you are wrong?

 

As he has a temper which makes you afraid to bring up issues, I suggest you simply end it. The temper alone should be enough to have you walk away, but add him trying to hook up with the old girl and you now have two very good reasons to end it.

 

Also regarding his temper, don't give him reasons for ending it. Telling him that his behaviour is unacceptable will only fuel his temper. Instead, use the old "it's not you, it's me" or "I'm not ready for a relationship and need space to find myself"

[natashalove]

Natasha, I think you know the answers to all of your questions. Perhaps you're wanting someone to tell you that you are wrong?

 

As he has a temper which makes you afraid to bring up issues, I suggest you simply end it. The temper alone should be enough to have you walk away, but add him trying to hook up with the old girl and you now have two very good reasons to end it.

 

Also regarding his temper, don't give him reasons for ending it. Telling him that his behaviour is unacceptable will only fuel his temper. Instead, use the old "it's not you, it's me" or "I'm not ready for a relationship and need space to find myself"

 

Please tell me what is going on here? Regarding this girl? Please.

[basil67]

They had a loving connection which didn't work out due to circumstance rather than incompatibility. He goes to visit her, runs in to her all the time, spends a long time talking with her and doesn't mention you? Come on, it's not rocket science.

[natashalove]

They had a loving connection which didn't work out due to circumstance rather than incompatibility. He goes to visit her, runs in to her all the time, spends a long time talking with her and doesn't mention you? Come on, it's not rocket science.

 

I am not sure if he goes to visit her but they do run into each other every time. And he talked to her yesterday after much awkwardness and avoiding though. But he told her most of the stuff about him.

 

I got told that he told her his job too (he works as a bike mechanic and ironically he was fixing his bike outside a few hours later and she saw that and also asked him about it, though they didn't chat much as he was busy fixing his bike)

[smackie9]

Tasha...helloooooooooo! wakeuuuuuuuuuupppppp! You are in denial of what's going on here.

 

No one is going to say nothing is going on. He made himself look available, but he isn't going to push it because he is dating you....for now. If this esculates he will be the one saying "it not you it's me...." If he was clearly not interested in her, he would have flat out told her he had a GF.

[MsJayne]

You only have his word that they would have become a couple if the uni year didn't end. If there was real feeling there on both sides they would have at least stayed in contact after the year ended. Sounds to me as if it's more him being smitten by her and she's either oblivious or she friendzoned him. The most important thing I got from your post is that you feel insecure and threatened by his interest in this girl, but you don't want to question him and risk him losing his temper. Two things there, one is that you shouldn't delude yourself that you're in love with someone who intimidates you, that's not love, it's emotional dependence. And the other thing is that if, at the 4 month mark in your relationship, he's already instilled in you a fear of upsetting him - the guy's a bully, and there will be worse to come if you hang around for it. My advice would be to end the relationship now because it'll hurt badly but you'll recover fairly quickly, and also you deserve reciprocal respect and loyalty from a partner, and you won't be getting that from him. Here's something to ponder - if he was so crazy about this other girl and still holding out hope, why did he get involved with you?

[CrazyKatLady]

Ditch him, quick! Let her deal with his problems while you find yourself a nice, good looking hunk at least 1 day a month

Trust me...it looks grim for you now, but it looks better on the other side once you wiggle out from under Mr. Hot Head. Seriously...trust me on this! Ok, don't trust me...trust the hunks that are waiting to meet you out there. A tall glass of ice water is just what a woman who is hot under the collar at her lying, righteous backstabbing boyfriend, needs.

[natashalove]

You only have his word that they would have become a couple if the uni year didn't end. If there was real feeling there on both sides they would have at least stayed in contact after the year ended. Sounds to me as if it's more him being smitten by her and she's either oblivious or she friendzoned him. The most important thing I got from your post is that you feel insecure and threatened by his interest in this girl, but you don't want to question him and risk him losing his temper. Two things there, one is that you shouldn't delude yourself that you're in love with someone who intimidates you, that's not love, it's emotional dependence. And the other thing is that if, at the 4 month mark in your relationship, he's already instilled in you a fear of upsetting him - the guy's a bully, and there will be worse to come if you hang around for it. My advice would be to end the relationship now because it'll hurt badly but you'll recover fairly quickly, and also you deserve reciprocal respect and loyalty from a partner, and you won't be getting that from him. Here's something to ponder - if he was so crazy about this other girl and still holding out hope, why did he get involved with you?

 

She never friendzoned him. She liked him in return. My friend said she would catch them literally eye ****ing each other and my boyfriend did much more than her.

As far as I know, his temper got the worst of him that time as he didnt like her response to something he asked her. That was the reason why they never got together. He got mad with her. And there was no time to make up as he was leaving 4 days later.

Otherwise had she said what he wanted to hear, they would be together.

 

I dont understand.. i also know that they were never friends and have this strange relationship but when they spoke 2 days ago, my friend did say it felt like they have known each other for a long time. He was SHARING stuff about himself.

 

He could have told her off but he didnt and it bugs me. I know he is not in contact with her nor has photos of her but why is this happening? She should have been history , done and forgotten but remembering ?

 

Am I rebound?

[natashalove]

Tasha...helloooooooooo! wakeuuuuuuuuuupppppp! You are in denial of what's going on here.

 

No one is going to say nothing is going on. He made himself look available, but he isn't going to push it because he is dating you....for now. If this esculates he will be the one saying "it not you it's me...." If he was clearly not interested in her, he would have flat out told her he had a GF.

 

What is going on? Do u mean he still fancies her? Why isnt she history? A girl he met last year and nothing happened so why?

[natashalove]

Ditch him, quick! Let her deal with his problems while you find yourself a nice, good looking hunk at least 1 day a month

Trust me...it looks grim for you now, but it looks better on the other side once you wiggle out from under Mr. Hot Head. Seriously...trust me on this! Ok, don't trust me...trust the hunks that are waiting to meet you out there. A tall glass of ice water is just what a woman who is hot under the collar at her lying, righteous backstabbing boyfriend, needs.

 

Grim for me? Why?

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, he still likes her. He doesn't want her to know he has a girlfriend, in case the opportunity to have her is still there.

 

She's not history because, well, he's still got feelings for her.

 

But you already know all of this. Add to that fact that you're too intimidated to communicate with your own boyfriend, and Natasha, you're not in a relationship that's got legs to last.

[natashalove]

Yes, he still likes her. He doesn't want her to know he has a girlfriend, in case the opportunity to have her is still there.

 

She's not history because, well, he's still got feelings for her.

 

But you already know all of this. Add to that fact that you're too intimidated to communicate with your own boyfriend, and Natasha, you're not in a relationship that's got legs to last.

 

But how can anybody still have feelings for that girl when he didnt see her and was not in touch with her? I dont get it..

[natashalove]

[Duplicate contact redacted from thread merge for updated content]

 

She never friendzoned him. She liked him in return. My friend said she would catch them literally eye ****ing each other and my boyfriend did much more than her.

As far as I know, his temper got the worst of him that time as he didnt like her response to something he asked her. That was the reason why they never got together. He got mad with her. And there was no time to make up as he was leaving 4 days later.

Otherwise had she said what he wanted to hear, they would be together.

 

I dont understand.. i also know that they were never friends and have this strange relationship but when they spoke 2 days ago, my friend did say it felt like they have known each other for a long time. He was SHARING stuff about himself.

 

He could have told her off but he didnt and it bugs me. I know he is not in contact with her nor has photos of her but why is this happening? She should have been history , done and forgotten but remembering ?

 

Am I rebound?

 

But today is valentines and he didnt go to uni. So doesnt that mean he doesnt care much for her?

[]

Edited February 14, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Threads merged

[kendahke]

Please tell me what is going on here? Regarding this girl? Please.

 

Never pay attention to what they say: always pay attention to their actions.

 

What is he doing? According to you, you found out exactly what he has been doing.

 

The question is: why are you still with a liar? Why are you with someone you can't talk to and can't trust? That will make you old before your time.

 

At some point, you're going to have to look in the mirror and ask yourself "do I like the person I have to turn into in order to have this guy in my life?", because being with this guy is turning you into someone you may not want to be due to distrust and the fact that he's acting like this other chick is more interesting---to the point where he is actively seeking her out despite knowing he's involved with you.

 

I think that he doesn't believe your relationship is as serious as you do; and he's using you to mark time until the one he really wanted to be with gives him the green light.

[natashalove]

Never pay attention to what they say: always pay attention to their actions.

 

What is he doing? According to you, you found out exactly what he has been doing.

 

The question is: why are you still with a liar? Why are you with someone you can't talk to and can't trust? That will make you old before your time.

 

<snip>

 

But he wasnt really talking to her until 2 days ago. I wonder how he suddenly changed his mind. And why is he still remembering her? What happened between them was in June and now its February. Today was Valentines but he didnt go to his old uni so does that mean he doesnt care for her?

 

----

 

And how is he seeking her out? As per my information tgat was given to me, I found the hair thing very bothering.

He used to have long hair and now hes cut it and she asked him about it and he was like yeah its all gone and does it look bad and she most likely he looks great and they basically smiled and laughed. This is a red flag or am i overreacting?

Edited February 14, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote - add content

[Davey L]

It doesn't really matter what is going on. The fact that you're worried, and afraid to discuss it because of his temper, is enough that you should end this relationship.

[natashalove]

It doesn't really matter what is going on. The fact that you're worried, and afraid to discuss it because of his temper, is enough that you should end this relationship.

 

It really does matter. I need to know this as he will never tell me about her.

[smackie9]

So what are you going to do when it is confirmed he still has feeling for her?

[natashalove]

So what are you going to do when it is confirmed he still has feeling for her?

 

I will confront him and if he gets mad at me then I am not staying anymore. That is why i need to know because he wont tell me. He never told me there was some girl he was in love with and he still has her in his head. I never knew

[basil67]

But he wasnt really talking to her until 2 days ago. I wonder how he suddenly changed his mind. And why is he still remembering her? What happened between them was in June and now its February. Today was Valentines but he didnt go to his old uni so does that mean he doesnt care for her?

 

Perhaps you forget about people you haven't seen for months on end, but most of us don't. Add unrequited love to the mix and he's probably had a fire burning for her all this time. Him holding a flame isn't uncommon at all.

----

 

And how is he seeking her out? As per my information tgat was given to me, I found the hair thing very bothering.

He used to have long hair and now hes cut it and she asked him about it and he was like yeah its all gone and does it look bad and she most likely he looks great and they basically smiled and laughed. This is a red flag or am i overreacting?

 

He knows where to find her. He knows a haircut will impress her.

 

And in answer to your previous question, he's probably using you to try and distract himself from her. He's not the first person to do it and won't be the last. Apparently his attempt at distracting himself is not working very well.

 

Sweetie, why do you not see that these are all GIANT RED FLAGS?

[natashalove]

Perhaps you forget about people you haven't seen for months on end, but most of us don't. Add unrequited love to the mix and he's probably had a fire burning for her all this time. Him holding a flame isn't uncommon at all.

----

 

 

 

He knows where to find her. He knows a haircut will impress her.

 

And in answer to your previous question, he's probably using you to try and distract himself from her. He's not the first person to do it and won't be the last. Apparently his attempt at distracting himself is not working very well.

 

Sweetie, why do you not see that these are all GIANT RED FLAGS?

 

It was not unrequited love. It was mutual on both ends but his temper got the worst out of him with her too. Btw he cut his hair as he is looking for jobs. He didnt even know that she will come back until they ran into one another. And after 2 months of not talking to her, he finally did .

[Space Ritual]

So my boyfriend of 4 months has recently been visiting his university (he graduated last year) and I found out that he was talking to the same girl he was in love or say had a serious crush on. They would have been couple had the term not ended and he wasn't graduating. This is the same girl he was obsessed with and was crazy about.

 

This was mutual feelings situation and they both were head over heels into each other. But things did not work out as they met when the term ended and he was returning back to his home country.

 

However, he moved back to the same city and has been going to his old university for left over work and I found out that the girl still studies there and on every time he went, they ENCOUNTERED each other. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 

Though they didn't speak until yesterday. I also found out that he basically told him everything about his current life. Like where he works, what is he doing etc.

And he also didn't mention that he had a girlfriend when the girl sked her if he was free this week. He just said he has things to do.

 

Tell me why would a guy who hasn't seen this girl in over 8 months, whom he was in love with, clearly remember her and even talk in a friendly manner? This is no random girl. Those two even attempted to go out but couldn't. And she is extremely beautiful , at least in his eyes.

 

A friend of mine, who still studies there saw them and its bothering me so much.This friend of mine knew he liked her as she had caught him staring at her multiple times and even saw them have their first conversation last year.

 

My boyfriend is short tempered so I don't want to bug him but this is unacceptable. This is no regular girl but a girl he fell for rather hard. Why even attempt to talk to her and tell her everything even if she asked him?

 

Why couldn't he just ignore her like he was doing? My friend mentioned that out of all printers, he chose the ones situated BESIDE HER to scan his documents. And they also looked at each other multiple times before they started chatting.

 

Why even remember this girl?

 

 

You already know the answers to your questions. I suspect you want somebody to talk you down or encourage you to act in a decisive manner.

 

I will provide encouragemant to act ina decisive manner.

 

Please read yoru first post, reread it, and then do what you need to do.

 

I turned 53 today. I'll tell you now that life is far too short to spend with ANYONE who can't love you the way you deserve.

Don't settle and get rid of this dummy. He is so blatant about it he is on the borderline of abject stupidity.

 

 

There are guys out there that wold kill to have a girlfriend like you. So stop limiting your horizons and suppressing your own happiness for a guy that really does not seem to be into you enough to be faithful.

 

Guys like that are guys that end up being alone in their 50's and 60's because they played around too much no one would want to date them for fear of STD's on their own by that age....

 

Forget about this one...you are better than accepting his silly Lounge Act.

[MsJayne]

 

Am I rebound?

 

I don't think it really matters whether you're the rebound girlfriend or not. What matters is that your subconscious is telling you not to trust him. He didn't mention you to her because he wants her to think he's available. If he was committed to the relationship with you he would have told her he had a girlfriend straight up. It's as simple as that. If you questioned him about it I would be willing to bet $50 that he would get annoyed and tell you that you're insecure and paranoid, and he would be furious if he knew other people had been discussing his behaviour with you, because that's how guys like him operate. When telling this girl about his life he's whited you out as if you don't even exist. That's plenty of reason to flick him. Or else you can stay in denial and stick around to have your self esteem trampled.

[natashalove]

He spoke to her when he was alone. Exactly like he did last year. He kept watching her and when she saw him, she also did then initiated the comvo.

 

Was he just looking for the perfect oppprtunity to catch her alone and hoping she would talk? As he had messed up his relationship with her?