brokenTom Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Basically it's still hurting for both of us, I did apologize during the breakup but feel like she didn't get the message as she is still angry and name-calling me. I haven't responded to her since the breakup (several months now) but the things she is saying leads me to believe maybe trying to apologize again might help, this time face-to-face (previously was in a letter - I know, not the best) Any thoughts? If you were in her shoes would it help or hurt to see the man you loved again and hear his apology? Or would it just reopen the wounds so-to-speak. btw - I didn't cheat or anything on her, just didn't love her as much as she loved me. She also was the one who ended it, because she couldn't wait any longer, I never lost hope that I would eventually be "ready" to move forward with marriage/etc... but I admit it started to feel like it wouldn't work and I should've ended it sooner. She knows all of this, or at least I told her this many times... Edited February 29, 2012 by brokenTom Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 No, apologizing again won't do much at all other than have that anger brought to you in person. Many people are "mean" while in pain themselves because they don't always have the ability to understand why they are feeling a certain way. As you said, it would likely open the wounds again and put you both steps back in the healing process. Examine the stages of grief and realize that anger is an easy and powerful emotion. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 No kids, no common property, it's time to move on. That's kind of why it's called "break" up. You apologized in writing so she can review & scrutinize it anytime she needs to. If she's running around bad mouthing you & you feel guilt instead of anger at this my guess is you DID do something wrong. If that's the case maybe owning it is where you need to start before even thinking about another apology. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenTom Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 Thanks guys, I needed to hear that. I'll give it more time but not expect anything. If she's running around bad mouthing you & you feel guilt instead of anger at this my guess is you DID do something wrong. If that's the case maybe owning it is where you need to start before even thinking about another apology. I honestly don't mind anymore that she's bad-mouthing me because I know it's her anger speaking. It was frustrating at first but that passed after I realized that I don't feel guilty that I did something wrong, I feel guilty more so because she's hurting and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel like I am wired to try and comfort those in pain, and it sometimes backfires because they get the wrong idea. If there's nothing anyone thinks I could do to help her then I'll continue to not contact her and let her deal with it in her own way. I am curious how you think one "owns ups" to what they did wrong, besides confessing and asking for forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) I am curious how you think one "owns ups" to what they did wrong, besides confessing and asking for forgiveness. This is a forum in which we have limited, one sided, info so I have to make some generalizations. Many times people who need forgiveness to relieve feelings of guilt. So what I mean by "owning something" is that one must admit they are at fault or did things that may have caused feelings of guilt or remorse. As indicated by my avatar I've been around long enough to know that there are always at least 3 sides to EVERY story, usually his, hers & what really happened. I also know that it takes 2 to make a relationship & 2 to break a relationship & it is very rare that one party is completely blameless. Until all parties admit to this and own it, it is nearly impossible to resolve or move past. I'm sure she probably feels justified in her opinion of you at this time also & that it is all your fault. There are 5 steps of dealing with loss, one is anger & all must be experienced before you can begin to heal. Edited February 29, 2012 by oldguy Link to post Share on other sites
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