Aaarrgghh!

[Arcanum]

My head will not stop and I'm not coping well at all. Thank goodness I have somewhere to talk about all of this and hopefully have some insightful replies.

 

Here's my story in as brief a way as possible.

I'm 33. I have a 6 year old daughter with a man I seperated from 4 years ago. We are on good terms. He sees his daughter 1 week out of ever 2.

 

A year an a half ago I was heartbroken by a man I lived with for 3 years. He left me overnight, on my daughters birthday with no reason or warning. He was damaged due to abuse, it led him to be able to be completely emotionally devoid. I was devastated.

 

After a year I was dating again but finding nothing in the social circles I entered. I was pretty hopeless. Living on my own with my daughter fine but admitedly not at a pinnacle of happiness. I've been in a committed 10 year relationship. It was good, I was happy and I hope to one day achieve that again. But I was getting hopeless. At 32 at still alone? People forever turning me down because I am a single parent? I gave up looking.

Then I met Mister P.

 

We immediately connected. I'm a big advocate of not playing games, being honest at all times even when it' hard, deconstructing barriers that we put in place to numb and protect knowing they will numb and block out love too.

He told me he wanted the same things. Love, a family, connection.

We cut through so much of the game playing that surrounds dating. We had an issue , we spoke about it. We had something less than desirable, we revealed it. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. A true connection. All that 'crap' people sing about. Knowing in your gut that it's right. Feeling like you;ve met a soulmate. He was it.

He said everything I ever wanted to hear from a man. He did things I would do. He thought like me, he was able to express his emotions, he was honest at all times. I have never felt so close to a man before.

There were worries as there always are. We were moving quickly but it felt so right the worry was sedated by talking about it.

I cannot stress how wonderful it was not to play those games. You like them; tell them. You wanna see them; ask them. You wanna talk to them; Call them.

Emotionally we connected well. He is suffering from a physical impairment right now which made him sad. I have been through something similar and was able to be a confidant and help with support.

Sexually we were fantastic. He said that I felt like I was a part of him, like it was the most natural thing to be with me.

Views wise we were compatible. Music, hobbies, interests, the way we view the world. All of it wonderfully compatible.

Here are some of the things he said and did.

"I feel like I have waited my whole life to meet someone like you."

"I'm very aware of not messing this up, I don't want to lose you."

"You see right through me, to my core. It is amazing."

"You push all the right buttons for me. Amazingly so."

"It's like you line up the nails and hit them all on the head every time."

He drove home from France. It took him 14 hours. Then he drove to my house afterwards in the middle of the night because he couldn't wait to see me.

He used music, something very important to both of us, to tell me how significant I was, how much I had helped him, how he felt like a better person for me being in his life.

He once said he wished his mind could take photos because he wanted to remember that (moment) forever.

We planned a trip to France together. 2 days before we were due to go he dumped me. On the phone.

This was 2 days after he drove to my house at night. The day after he told me he wanted to kiss me all day and was happy to be going away with me.

 

This was just over 2 weeks ago and I am not coping well at all.

 

His reasons. He is studying a phd. He will be doing so for the next 2 and a half years.

He told me that my set up is too serious. That he cannot provide for a family.

I explained that he didn't need to. That my daughter is well looked after and has a father figure very much in her life. I'm not looking for a father I'm looking for a partner. He said regardless he feels as if he should be able to provide and he can't. I said it was ridiculous he was even expecting this of himself when we were in the beginning stages of love.

He said he knew he was putting these pressures on himself but regardless of that fact he felt uncomfortable. He said he didn't feel ready to play this role and couldn't have known that unless he had tried.

I resent this statement as he only met my daughter 3 times and only as a friend. He was never forced into any role. I wasn't expecting one of him except to be a boyfriend.

He said that the connection is the best he ever had, that he never lied and everything was reciprocal but for him it's not enough. There has to be no worries stress or pressures and for whatever reason he felt them because of my set up.

 

I cannot understand how he can throw away what some people spend their whole lives searching for and never find for probabilities or maybes that may happen 2 years down the line.

 

I truly believe he meant what he said which makes this break up so confusing.

All friends I have spoken to have said it sounds like he got scared and panicked but this is leaving me with hope that I am finding is making this break up even harder.

 

He messaged me saying that he didn't want to cut me out of his life, that he felt really bad, that he missed me and felt sick at how much he has hurt me but that despite all the good the bad was enough to make him stop.

I asked him to stop messaging me as it was making it harder. He did so. I haven't spoken to him in over a week.

 

The week before he broke up with me he said he was having some issues that were playing on his mind but that he was scared of telling me because he was worried how I would react. I asked what he was afraid of, he said that I would leave. I assured him I wouldn't. He spoke about this worry he couldn't provide. I told him there was no need to and we didn't need to even think about these things for a couple of years. That we should focus on the good that we are. He agreed.

3 days later he made the journey to see me. Told me how he'd missed me and was excited about our own trip the following weekend.

2 days after that he dumped me.

 

Then there is the ex.

Yes of course these things are always complicated.

When I met him he was "waiting" for an ex. They had been together a year then she got sent home to Columbia as she couldn't get a visa. They stayed long distance for over a year until they decided it wasn't working. However they kept in regular contact. He decided that when she finally did visit he would try and win her back. She told him that when she visited she was coming as a friend and nothing more.

2 weeks after we met she booked her ticket. A month later he clarified with her that when she came over they would only see each other as friends. He then started a full on relationship with me and it went well. This visit however loomed over us. She kept changing her dates. Kept changing how long she would visit for. It was very upsetting for me.

he dumped me the day after he found out she was coming over for definite to spend a week with him.

He has assured me over and over that he ended it when he did so that we did not go on holiday together. That he was worried about the trip cementing our interpersonal relationship any further while he had these doubts.

That he has not done it because of his ex, that he wants nothing from her.

Of course though the whole thing has hurt like hell.

This last week he has been with her as far as I know.

 

My heart is broken.

I cry every day. My head spins with a thousand thoughts. I flit between believing everything we shared was real and not understanding how anyone can walk away from that for these reasons to thinking he's just another guy that thought only of himself and damn what he was doing to me.

He has never had a real relationship before. He describes his exes as "sex and company" even though they last 2-3 years a piece. He is 31 years old. He says all he wants to do is grow up as he realises he is not where he feels he should be in life.

 

What am I supposed to do to make any of this feel better. I feel like I have lost the potential love of my life. The man I have been waiting all MY life for. He ticked every one of my boxes and then some.

 

I am hopeless. I miss him every second of the day. My dreams are plagued by him. I just want it all to stop hurting. I want to understand it and move on.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Arcanum]

I forgot to mention that if anyone wants more info please don't be afraid to ask anything.

I've also been blogging over the last 2 weeks about this as a way to vent my frustrations without venting to him.

It's here if anyone wants to read more....

Sofi and the Void

[Exit]

For such a detailed and complicated question, you're pretty much going to have to accept the same short answer that everyone else gets. You leave it alone and you move on. You may want to have a full understanding of what happened to help you get over it, but you need to accept that you probably never will understand. For those of us who take relationships seriously, it just fundamentally doesn't make sense when we see someone walk away from something that seemed pretty good. Nothing your ex or anyone else can say will ever make you feel like "oh, ok, I get it now, nevermind". You're always going to disagree with his decision that this wasn't worth fighting for.

 

We've all been there before. None of us are here morning the person who seemed like a 63% match for us, or ticked some of the boxes but not all of them. We all miss people who in some way or another we felt were perfect.

 

You simply have to take into account the sum of the parts of the man you were dating. It's not two separate people. It's not that you were dating some man who did all these things right, matched you on so many levels, and then some separate alien character came into the storyline and decided to break up with you. This was all the same person. So how perfect can he really be? He is the man who shared many things with you, liked the same music, had the same hobbies, communicated openly, cut out of a lot of the games you see in dating, and also the man who decided to dump you two days before a trip and act like you were trying to force him into a father role that you really weren't. So if you take all that as a whole, he's obviously far from perfect. As a matter of fact, wouldn't you rather be partnered with someone who might not have the exact same taste in music or has a few different opinions than you, but wouldn't break up with you two days before a trip and suddenly change his mind about everything? Or maybe you can manage to find it all in one package, the guy who fits you on every level and also won't break up like this. Bottom line, it's an oxymoron to say this guy was perfect and then he goes and does this. Obviously he wasn't perfect. You were mistaken.

 

The situation in the beginning where he was caught up over an ex was a HUGE RED FLAG and hopefully now you know not to ignore things like this. For all you know maybe he bailed on this relationship because something popped up with his ex again.

 

Also how did you come to feel that this guy was so perfect yet you were able to describe how he always felt his past relationships were "just sex and company". That doesn't sound like a great person to find yourself with.

 

Anyways, there is no magic cure. Your relationship felt special to you just as everyone else here thought theirs was too. All of us fall into that mindset of "no, you don't get it, this one was MAGICAL, there's no way your relationship felt like mine". But it's a lie. Many of us here can relate to everything you said about how amazing it felt, thinking you found your soulmate, etc.

 

You are going to hurt. You are going to cry. You are going to dream about him. The only way to get better is to leave it alone, focus on other things in life, keep working on reminding yourself that obviously he wasn't so perfect (or what we call "taking them off the mental pedestal), and some day, depending on your own personal rate of healing, you'll feel better.

 

It's been almost 10 months since my last breakup and I am just finally starting to feel better. You yourself mentioned a past heartbreak where it took you a year to get going again. So you just have to accept that you probably aren't going to feel better next week.

 

No matter how good he may have seemed, none of that should overshadow the decision he made to end this. When you think about this person, the headline that should pop into your mind is "The guy that bailed 2 days before our trip and suddenly doesn't want me anymore", not "my soulmate, we loved all the same things, blah blah blah". Those things may have been true but obviously he's not the one if he felt the need to run from you.

 

Ultimately, people in love, stay. Doesn't matter if you're going through PhD courses, or if the person you're dating already has a child, or if you're worried about how much you can provide (he basically made this a whole it's-not-you-it's-me thing), if you want to be there, you make it work. If you value the person, you make it work. Have you not felt this way for someone? Where nothing in the world would be a good enough excuse to leave them behind? I'll assume your answer is yes, so okay then, you know that type of love exists. You're trying to ask yourself how he can walk away so confident that some day he'll find something equally as special again. Well, this is another situation where you just have to accept that the question you're asking doesn't make any sense. Nobody would walk away from something that they hold so amazingly special and valuable. So, either he didn't think the relationship was as great as you did, or having a family and a partner isn't truly as big of a concern for him and his future as he said it is, or some other explanation. But you can't be looking for an explanation for "who would walk away from a box containing a free, no-strings-attached, million dollars". The answer is nobody. If he was head over heels in love with you, he wouldn't have walked. So the simplest answer is, he wasn't. I struggled with the same questions the first time my ex dumped me and started seeing someone else. I would say to her if you consider something so special and unique and rare and you tell me all these things about us as a couple, then why are you willing to throw it away and assume maybe it will be there to pick up again later. You wouldn't throw a diamond on the floor. And ultimately, I've finally gained my sanity enough to realize, she treated me like garbage because I wasn't that valuable to her. She treated me in a directly proportional way to how important I was to her. Nobody treats priceless treasure like garbage or vice versa. If your ex thought it was so special, he wouldn't let it go. This is a painful thing to accept but the sooner you can accept the truth, the sooner those nonsensical questions can stop, and the sooner you can heal. It's like beating your head against the wall trying to figure out why the sun is in the sky but your clock says 1am. The sooner you accept that you set your clock wrong and stop looking for an explanation for why the sun is out at night, the easy it gets.

Edited August 26, 2012 by Exit

[Arcanum]

Thank you.

That post has made me really emotional and I will respond to it in more detail in a little while when I collect my thoughts but I wanted to say thank you.

[Arcanum]

Blimey that brought a lot of tears on. Ok.

 

Thank you for your honesty and insight.

 

Nothing your ex or anyone else can say will ever make you feel like "oh, ok, I get it now, nevermind". You're always going to disagree with his decision that this wasn't worth fighting for.

 

You're absolutely right. All friends I have spoken to also are confused. Nearly every one of them say "If he felt like that why did he end it? No one does that. He made a mistake." I have been completely confused over the last few weeks. I cannot make sense of it in my head. When we were talking in the days following the break up I mentioned this to him and he said " I know it doesn't make sense for you and is crazy and ridiculous, but to me it was enough to make me stop."

To which I responded that no one walks away from love that "blows everything else out of the water". Just like you mentioned. I told him that one day he'll get it. It will trump anything. He was it for me but I wasn't for him.

He said that the connection must be the foundation but everything else must follow suit. No pressures, worries or doubts. Everything fitting practically.

 

He has explained himself out of everything. That he never planned to break up with me on the phone, before his ex came over, that we were just "in a conversational moment and it came to a head."

That he never meant to hurt me. And yes I got a lot of "it's not you it's me" stuff which is always awful to hear.

I told him regardless of whether he planned it or not, he made a choice and he should have controlled it better. He was aware my last ex dumped me out of the blue and I didn't cope well with being discarded so quickly and then he did the same thing!

 

Also how did you come to feel that this guy was so perfect yet you were able to describe how he always felt his past relationships were "just sex and company". That doesn't sound like a great person to find yourself with.

 

Well that he didn't say until right at the end. His relationships have always been with little young foreign girls that are long distance and unobtainable. Something that made me uncomfortable. I wasn't his "type" and I certainly wasn't an unable to communicate, inaccessible woman.

He said he didn't have a type, that the women were people he got on well with and that the relationships were something he hoped something would come of but they never did.

He however told me that they were the relationships he had while young, that his priorities had changed and that what he wanted was love and family. He told me that being with me gave him a blueprint for what a relationship should be. That I blew everything he had ever known out of the water. That it highlighted where he had always been going wrong.

He was perfect for me until he threw it away. Nothing beforehand was enough to overshadow the amazing feeling he gave me and the way it seemed so reciprocated.

 

Ultimately, people in love, stay. Doesn't matter if you're going through PhD courses, or if the person you're dating already has a child, or if you're worried about how much you can provide (he basically made this a whole it's-not-you-it's-me thing), if you want to be there, you make it work. If you value the person, you make it work. Have you not felt this way for someone? Where nothing in the world would be a good enough excuse to leave them behind? I'll assume your answer is yes, so okay then, you know that type of love exists.

 

I'm starting to wonder if people really are capable of it right now that's for sure. But yes, I have felt that, I know it exists because I feel it.

Here's what I am struggling with.

Why would he say all those things? Why would he act and express thoughts and feelings and words that said to me..."I'm falling in love, I don't want to lose you, I care for you" and then walk away.

Yes I can understand him walking away because he just didn't feel it. But why on earth would anyone say and do all those things when they didn't feel it?

How can anyone be that careless with another persons heart and mind?

He has reiterated time and again that he really did feel all of those things. That he wasn't faking it and that I know that because I felt it too. That he was honest and open and it was the best thing he ever felt. And that makes sense to me. I've been in a 10 year relationship that was loving before and the connection I felt with this guy felt like it topped that!

I get stuck there.

 

Nobody treats priceless treasure like garbage or vice versa. If your ex thought it was so special, he wouldn't let it go.

 

This makes complete sense to me. I would have worked through any issue with him because he felt valuable to me. When I said loving words to him I meant them. I didn't mean them BUT also not because I had all these worries and pressures. The worries and pressures just simply were not enough to scare me away from something I felt so significant.

Weirdly you remind me of something he said to me once. He said "It feels like I have something golden in my hands and I'm trying to convince myself it's just china." Like he was scared of what he was feeling.

I'm hurt and angry that he said things to me that solidified that trust in me, things I have waited to hear all my life and then threw it away. Quickly.

I said to him that I think my heart rules and his head does. He replied his head has more clout. Then I think of the "practical" reasons he says he left for and the fact is they didn't even exist. He himself said he was creating them himself but they were making him uncomfortable.

 

I'm struggling to understand how the man that said and did all those amazing things, the man that enabled trust is the same man that threw it all away in a heartbeat.

I understand they are the same person but I don't understand how both can exist simultaneously. He seems to need to make a point that it was all real and yet he's still chosen to throw it away.

How am I to ever trust anyone again if this is possible?

[Arcanum]

In a separate message I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving weight to the evidence that there really are people out there that see relationships as something amazingly important. That there are some people out there that are able to love and be committed and be open to what love brings.

 

I have had my heart broken 3 times in my 33 years and each one was very different but horrendously painful. At my age and in my situation I am losing hope although I have always made such an effort to be open and emotionally accessible. To show people it's not something to be afraid of but to embrace!

 

I'm such an evidence based person that after 3 heartbreaks I'm feeling like I'm hoping and trying for something that doesn't exist. That maybe I never will have this connection with someone. The reason this one hurts so much is that i had thought I had finally found it. That things were finally looking my way. I won't settle for anything. I know who I am, I know what I want and I'm confident in myself to be honest about that.

I'm in so much pain from this betrayal of trust that I am starting to wonder if it's something I will be able to continue to do.

 

Your message is just a little weight to the fact that some people out there can do it, because you seem to be able to understand it and express it clearly.

 

Thank you.

[Arcanum]

I wish I hated him. If I did it would make it all easier.

Not coping well at all today.

Edited August 28, 2012 by Arcanum
typo

[J.bunny]

Break ups are tough but yours sounds particularly tough. You may have days when you want to hate him but soon they will turn to pity for him. He lost you and you are obviously a strong woman with a good head on her shoulders. Being a single mother is one of the toughest jobs in the world and I bet you're doing great.

 

I'm going through a break up myself at the minute and understand how mixed messages from an ex can torture your mind. I'm trying to think positively and think whatever the outcome I'm going to use my time to focus on myself and not my ex. There's only so long you can stand there looking at the pieces and trying to make them fit. I say stand up, say **** it and try and leave the pieces there.

 

Easier said than done though Chin up girl

[stemac]

Hello Arcanum

 

i can really understand what your going through,having a bad day too

mines the other way round my ex finished with me after a great holiday, we came back 4 weeks ago, 1 half weeks after she finished it by text "calling it a day"

how nice of her, sad thing is Arcanum you but all your love trust and time into

them, for what to be totally let down and heart broken for little reasons, i Loved

my ex completely, but some people are just not able to love real love i mean..

Not the yes i love you darling then few days later oh is the grass greener ones

Be proud Arcanum your genuine. and you have the ingredients inside of you to love ..real love.. its rare and yes their is men and women out there who believe in true love :-) its just finding them is the problem

[Arcanum]

So yesterday Mister P agreed to meet with me. To give me the face to face break up I deserved after everything we had shared.

I was so nervous, with so much built up emotion that I was shaking. As soon as I saw him walk into the bar my heart tripped over itself and I wanted to cry.

We sat in a quiet corner and we talked for over 8 hours.

We went over everything, we cried, we smiled, we got defensive but it was as easy as it had always been. I asked my questions. He gave me his reasons and the general outcome was this...

That everything he said he meant. That nothing was faked. That the connection was real. And that it wasn't enough to outweigh his discomfort of responsibility.

When you truly fall for someone in the ways he mentioned then nothing makes you walk. You value it enough that you stay. The need to see that person tomorrow, to have that person in your life, overrides worry. We all know that no one ever fits 100%, there are always worries and unknowns.

He said that maybe his chronic second guessing leaves him with the inability to tell what's real from not. That his gut says that the best thing for him right now is not me. But that his gut at the start said I was it and maybe it's the second guessing that brought him to this conclusion. That he feels one day he will look back and realise that he made the biggest mistake of his life. That no one will ever measure up to what we had. That only hindsight makes him know what was right or not.

For whatever reason, be it not feeling it or second guessing, or inability to cope with responsibility he can live with the prospect of me not being in his life anymore.

It is not the same for me. I would have done anything to keep that man in my life. No one on this planet has ever fit so right. It's the knowledge that you can't do better and that you don't want to do better. He cannot do the same therefore he is unable to truly love me.

He asked to be friends. He asked multiple times saying that he didn't want to lose me completely. That he wanted me in his life and was there any way we could go towards that. I said no. There is no way I can be friends with him. I fell in love with him. I can't casually chat with him knowing our connection went deeper than any friend I have ever had and him likewise. I can't watch him move on and try and move on myself with him there. Keeping him in my life would cause more pain than anything positive. It has to be goodbye.

That's harder for me than him, remember he is the one that can live with the prospect of me not being in his life. I want nothing more than that man. I know I can't find better. But I will not make my life a misery to keep him in my life at arms length.

Friendship with an ex only happens if both mutually are over the relationship or you have to stay due to kids and that usually takes a long time to get to and is strained.

 

He spoke to me about his ex's visit. (The long distance colombian that came over for a week. His meeting of closure.) At first he told me to think the worst. After a few hours he told me the truth and said he thought if he'd said to think the worst I would have a reason to hate him and therefore would be easier to get over.

She revealed to him that she wanted to make things work. I knew this was a possibility. When we were together I told him that he should be prepared for that and he said it wasn't a possibility. So he said he was beyond shocked and it set his head in a mess and that nothing happened between them in any sexual matter.

He is a fool for not using the meeting as closure as he always intended it to. The man is evidently a coward because of his overthinking mind and finds it hard to make rational decisions.

He said it will not work with her, he's known it for a long time.

So in a way my trust in him was not misplaced. My gut was right. It was right in trusting him and it was right in knowing her intentions. His intentions during this meeting remained true. He is of course a fool if he decides to keep her in his life in a romantic sense but that is now his mess to deal with. Then again a non relationship where you see someone every 2 years has no responsibility attached to it.

In a way it's all evidence that he really is immature and unable to deal with responsibility. The inability to make decisions on things you know because you trust your feelings. We have to do that when we are thinking of others and responsible for our lives and others.

But with that in mind he's actually made the right decision here.

Ending it with us is the wrong one for someone that can do the above. And sadly be this the right decision now he will still one day look back and realise he made a mistake.

He said that since being with me he looks at other peoples relationships everywhere and sees that there is so much bull****. That it shocks him. We agreed that the level of trust and connection and seeing each other for who we truly are was so rare. To be able to tread the depths that other people cannot during our conversations. To know how similar we were in so many ways. He knows this and still he walks away. He says because despite all those boxes being ticked, the pragmatic ones are not. He cannot deal with me having a child. He wants to find someone with less responsibilities, with less maturity so that he can grow into it with them. In his 30's no less.

He believes he can find better than me. It's done.

 

We walked out to the car park and he asked for a hug. We hugged and as I tried to pull away he held on tight, for a long time. My heart felt like he was tearing a piece out to take with him. I pulled away, turned around without looking at him and walked away.

 

The door is closed on Mister P but he has changed me.

While he feels that he can find better than me, I did not return that sentiment. I know I will find love again. I know I am capable of loving someone and that I am worthy of being loved.

I know one day I will meet someone that wants me more than any worry he has, that would try and move mountains to have me for who I am, daughter and all. But sadly I know that that man, be him right, will never be Mister P and for that I'm sad.

He has no experience of love so the chance he will one day look back and realise that responsibility wasn't really that scary, and that we really were that good is a big one. I do have experience of love and solid relationships and sadly I know it's a golden chance missed.

I have erased his phone number, his messages. All ties are cut. It is done.

All I can do now is keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I will miss him forever.

[stemac]

hello Arcanum

 

you are a strong brave lady with alot of guts, to meet someone you really love and talk it over

and it must have been so hard for you, Arcanum remember this its his loss it will come home to him one-day, he doesn't deserve you, you will find true love one-day, and some lucky bloke will have stuck gold :-)

 

I wish you all the the strength you need to get over this person

 

good luck :-)

[Arcanum]

hello Arcanum

 

you are a strong brave lady with alot of guts, to meet someone you really love and talk it over

and it must have been so hard for you, Arcanum remember this its his loss it will come home to him one-day, he doesn't deserve you, you will find true love one-day, and some lucky bloke will have stuck gold :-)

 

I wish you all the the strength you need to get over this person

 

good luck :-)

 

Thank you so much stemac.

It was such a hard thing to do. I can't tell you. But we don't find true love without facing those fears. We don't heal or move on without facing those tough times. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but I know it was worth it.

 

I hope you're right. I truly do.

Thank you.

[Exit]

Good work, you did the right thing by turning down the friendship offer and by letting it go with dignity. No matter how much you two agree that you shared something so rare, as you've come to realize, you value it and he doesn't. He does sound very immature and fickle. You're going to make it and yes, you can do better. Better means someone who will not let anything get in the way of being with you.

[stemac]

Arcanum if you ever need a chat your in the uk like me let me know maybe we can cheer each other up i know i need cheering up lol

 

 

 

ste

[pathetic1999]

Arcanum our stories are so similar it's crazy. I didn't think there were two men out there like that..but then are they men? I don't think so. Mine was overwhelming of how I should not be worried that I had a child he was still all for it, etc. wanted to get married the whole thing, all up until we set a date then just one day said I can't do this, sorry and I haven't spoke to him in four months.

 

I have no idea how people can do that, I feel he wanted to be that person but just realized as it got closer and more real that he wasn't that person and couldn't do it. But again, that's not me I am always that person that I need or want to be, I would never leave someone because I had to take on responsibility, what a weak minded person would do that! I asked him point blank so you want to just leave and find someone else when you have sat here for two and a half years telling me I was the love of your life and now you want to just go do it all over again so you can find someone without a child. He said it's not like that...I said it is.

 

I would never be that person and neither would you, that's how we know we are mature and capable of the love we give. They are not.