Empty :(

[Quinny1973]

Been just over 4 weeks since my split and struggling to eat, sleep or cope with it all.. The day before the break up as I left for work she told me she loved me so much and how she couldn't wait to marry me one day like we'd spoke a lot about.. The following day I received a message telling me it's over and she doesn't want it anymore.. She blocked all contact and refuses to even talk to me and won't let me see her kids who for 2 1/2 years I have been a father to.. It's tearing me apart and I can't seem to move on or accept it's over.. How can someone be so much in love one day and the following day wants nothing to do with me.. This time of year I should be wrapping presents and playing with the kids instead I'm on my own.. I want to contact her but can't face the rejection.. I'm screwed mentally, physically and emotionally ((((

[iworthmore]

sorry man, i'v been there. u only need to know 1 thing that it will get better. and you will feel better in cpl days.

its really strange. no one has the answer but her. face it all to break the wall. start facing it and its ok to feel like this but remember its temporary. as i said i'v been there and now i feel X10 much better.

go NC and value urself. those who give up on you don't deserve your time. easy said than done. but again... i'v been there.

[LostConfused123]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Especially this time of year. Your wounds are still pretty raw so unfortunately the pain can be pretty intense.

We are all here for you! ((hugs!!))

 

 

Are you going to be with your family/friends this holiday?

[Quinny1973]

I'm on my own on Christmas Day, I sacrificed a lot including my family during this relationship.. And as much as I'm probably wrong in doing this at the minute I'm just not very good around people at the moment, I'm still hurting and just want this feeling if emptiness to just go away

[CrJsc88]

This really does suck. I've been there, someone telling you she wants to have your kids and get a house. Then she makes a choice to cheat and then says to you that she loves you but isn't in love. No one needs that crap. Funny thing about it she contacts me back 4 months and wants to make it work. Move on with someone who wants to be with you. There is so many good girls out there, Don't stick on one. She had her chance and she blew it.

[bob the brave]

Come on! 2.5 years, like a father to her kids and 180 degrees overnight? I don't think you are telling us the whole story. Either you did something wrong or she thinks you did?

[btvdts]

My brother.... I thought I was alone on this... Alone Bc everyone here never mentions kids.. My ex has two little girls. we would celebrate Xmas today Bc her ex husband would have the girls Tom. So I know how you feel. It's been two months since bu for me but today it feels like day one. damn I know how you feel man... She threw me out(lived together) like I was trash. Pics of me were in the trash a week later when I was allowed to come move out. We never fought. I had a gut feeling she met someone else and got rid of me to persue him. it SUCKS I know. keep your self busy. Keep fighting the good fight

[Quinny1973]

@ bob the brave, as far as I am aware I did nothing wrong but this is part of the problem she has blocked all contact and refuses to talk to me so I don't know the reasoning or the thinking behind it other than her words "it's not working and I need a fresh start".. She cheated on me around 4 mths ago with her ex and then came back to me saying it was a mistake and she loved me so I forgave her.. I can't help thinking the ex has reappeared but all this does is torture me even more.. I am also battling my mind as to wether I call up to the house to see the kids today as they are not to blame in any of this or wether I ring the house not from my number and wish them all the best and tell them I love them or do I just leave it..

[Quinny1973]

And ty everyone for your kind words of support and guidance in trying to help me get thro all this... Still empty and check my phone what feels like a million times a day hoping and praying I hear from her.. Geez I read this back and I feel pathetic.. I feel sick

[bob the brave]

@ bob the brave, as far as I am aware I did nothing wrong but this is part of the problem she has blocked all contact and refuses to talk to me so I don't know the reasoning or the thinking behind it other than her words "it's not working and I need a fresh start".. She cheated on me around 4 mths ago with her ex and then came back to me saying it was a mistake and she loved me so I forgave her.. I can't help thinking the ex has reappeared but all this does is torture me even more.. I am also battling my mind as to wether I call up to the house to see the kids today as they are not to blame in any of this or wether I ring the house not from my number and wish them all the best and tell them I love them or do I just leave it..

 

Wow, that just ain't right bro. I know it hurts like ****, escpecially at this time of year. Just hang wth friends and family if you can. I had a boss that was married 5 times and he loved them all! He just moved on and didn't let it get him down. You think he would be a mess, but he was one of the happiest, most popular and well-adjusted people I ever met.

 

I think, if you made a mistake at any point, it was taking her back after she cheated. I would never do that. She didn't respect you and that is eccential for a relationship. She cheats, plays you along and then dumps you on Christmas! Who knows how long it will be before the next guy finds his key no longer works. It may not seem like it now, but losing her was the best Christmas present you could have ever had. Now you are free to work on your new year's resolution to find someone who will truly love and appreciate you.

 

As far as closure, seems you have two choices:

 

1) B*****s be crazy. You can be a man's man, dust off your spurs and ride out of town and not look back or think about her again.

 

2) Help her one last time before you leave. Cheating and callously dumping someone on the holidays that has been nothing but caring, supportive and forgiving is no way to go through life. If you can, tell her this in calm, supportive and postive tone. Keep it short and do not make it about yourself or give specifics. Just tell her this, thank her for the good times, wish her well and move on. Block her phone, delete her from all social networks and forget her.

 

As far as the kids, if don't have some special technical connection, let it go too. They are not yours and are unlikely to play any role in your future. However, if they are older, say 9-10 or older, I see nothing wrong with saying goodbye formally, if possible.

 

Good luck, bro, unfortunately your not the only one, dazed, confused with a broken heart. I think the most important thing we all forget sometimes is to love ourselves and believe in ourselves first. Sounds selfish, but that keeps us from being hurt by the bad ones while making us better able to truly love and support the good ones that deserve it.

[Quinny1973]

Sat here alone and contemplating everything, everyone who knows me telling me I deserve someone better and chin up when all I want her to do is msg me and wish me merry Xmas if nothing else but I guess I want this for all the wrong reasons.. I'm currently fighting with myself on wether I should just drive over there when she will be back from her parents and see the kids on what should be a day for families something I've been part of for the last 2.5yrs and so the kids know if nothing else I haven't stopped caring and I do love them.. Xmas days should be special and it's only Xmas one day a year and no one can go back in time to make up for me not being there.. I guess also behind this is she gets to see me and hopefully realise what she's missing but then again it could all go horribly wrong she rejects me again and I'm back to feeling even worse than I do now which isn't great.. My head is so screwed and I'm so down.. Damn I hate feeling like this

[Quinny1973]

Can this time get any worse.. After several hrs on Xmas day of my friends rallying around me I started to feel more positive and didn't drive across to her house like let's be honest I wanted to do..

 

Then 8.30am my phone rings and it's my Mum telling me my closest cousin had hung himself during the night.. Why why why?? I went to be with my family but couldn't cope with all the upset especially at this time of the year and how alone I've felt.. I then made a mistake and contacted my ex not to get back with her but crying out for an arm around my shoulder as she could always make things ok.. Here's the txt conversation:

 

Me: R u at home? Please don't turn your back on me, you've no idea wats happened

 

Ex: I'm going out sorry

 

Me: My closest cousin has hung himself last night..

 

Ex: Then u need go be with ur family!! Heartless as u may think I am it's nothing to do with me..I'm not going thro this again... just leave me alone

 

I'm further down now than I was before and want all this pain to go away, happy Xmas this certainly isn't..

[LadyM]

Wow.....You are so lucky NOT to be with that girl anymore.