Reached out to my ex after many months

[freebird31]

He broke up with me. A year ago.

 

I just want to say DONT DO it. This was my first serious relationship

And love. We were 7-8 months NC I reached out and basically put myself out there and made myself vulnerable. I sent A long message. I said I forgave him even tho he hurt me I said I will never forget the memories and he meant a lot

To me. I'm an idiot I know. I def am one of those that learned the hard way. Anyways he replied and said a really short and cold response. And just said he wished me the best. Not even an apology.

 

Don't do it. It's not worth it. It hurt so damn bad. I needed it to realize how completely wrong I've been. I know for sure we will never get back together I was completely wrong that he had feelings for me. I was wrong. And it shattered me. But I can get back up from this like a soldier. I can't believe how cold of a response that was. It hurts. Lesson learned. Won't be doing that ever again with any of my future relationships ever it's not worth it and it hurts. I'm a fool. Oh well ..

[freebird31]

I do feel like I can finally stop thinking that he has feelings for me now. This was a very painful closure. All this time I played with the words he said to me that he was still attracted to me after he broke it off. Those words haunted me and left me hanging. I'm glad his reponse was short. What should I have expected ?! If he said I meant a lot to him too, it wouldn't have made anything better id be in the same boat. I'm thankful it didn't end like that. I'm an idiot for messaging him to begin with. But I did at least expect an apology. I guess I'll never get that. It's time to finally move on now and never look back. Time to take control of my life once and for all. It hurts it's painful but I think I needed this in order to see clearly. I've been so blind!

[Itspointless]

I do feel like I can finally stop thinking that he has feelings for me now.

So it is really that negative that you have done this? You gave yourself the answers you needed by speaking out, now you know. Move on from him and keep the nice memories as memories.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I done the same thing (a few times lol) and each time it killed me but each time it toughens u up too and then u get to the point we are when u have made your own closure... as much as it hurt it actually helped us x

[d0nnivain]

You are not a fool. You are somebody who was in love & who was (& is) hurting.

 

You tried. It didn't work.

 

On some levels you got some closure. Take some solace in that.

 

You live & learn.

[Big Sky]

I actually think you did the right thing.

[freebird31]

So it is really that negative that you have done this? You gave yourself the answers you needed by speaking out, now you know. Move on from him and keep the nice memories as memories.

 

I know. You're right this was much needed. Painful but necessary is some ways. It upsets me in a way because I completely put myself out there i spoke from the heart and wished him the best in his life, but still no apology. If it was me I would have kept it short but also said I was sorry, that's it. But it's okay. Time to move on now I'm glad... The response angered me in a way but I wouldn't be moving on if it wasn't for that response either.

[elseaacych]

I know. You're right this was much needed. Painful but necessary is some ways. It upsets me in a way because I completely put myself out there i spoke from the heart and wished him the best in his life, but still no apology. If it was me I would have kept it short but also said I was sorry, that's it. But it's okay. Time to move on now I'm glad... The response angered me in a way but I wouldn't be moving on if it wasn't for that response either.

 

He is absolutely 100% not worth it. Now you've done what you needed to do. Cry it out if you need to, but now you know where you stand and you know where you need to go. It must be very relieving for you to know where you should go.

 

The only way is forward.

 

HUGS.

[freebird31]

He is absolutely 100% not worth it. Now you've done what you needed to do. Cry it out if you need to, but now you know where you stand and you know where you need to go. It must be very relieving for you to know where you should go.

 

The only way is forward.

 

HUGS.

 

I feel very relieved. A little sad, kinda feels like I got rejected again. Only bc I sent this long message and all he said was that he's glad we can be cool and put that in the past. And he wishes nothing but the best for me too. I guess I expected a "I'm sorry." It is what it is. The sad thing is, he's not worth it like u say. I respect that he replied he's not really the type to speak out at all. But i would have respected him more if he just apologized. I still forgive him and nobody is perfect, but he's not all that I thought he was. I feel

Like i deserved so much more than that response. But it makes me just realize I deserve someone just better in general.

[faithfully]

I feel very relieved. A little sad, kinda feels like I got rejected again. Only bc I sent this long message and all he said was that he's glad we can be cool and put that in the past. And he wishes nothing but the best for me too. I guess I expected a "I'm sorry." It is what it is. The sad thing is, he's not worth it like u say. I respect that he replied he's not really the type to speak out at all. But i would have respected him more if he just apologized. I still forgive him and nobody is perfect, but he's not all that I thought he was. I feel

Like i deserved so much more than that response. But it makes me just realize I deserve someone just better in general.

 

You will get somebody better

 

Chin up girl, you will be fine. Thanks for your post just makes me realise why i would never and can never break NC.

 

You will be fine

[tlegend]

It sounds like his text was respectful and just because it didn't live up to your standard of having an apology and wanting to reconcile....you're now saying he was never worth it?

 

Girl, you're in denial.

 

I don't have the specifics of your relationship. What I do know is as follows:

 

We were 7-8 months NC I reached out and basically put myself out there and made myself vulnerable. I sent A long message. I said I forgave him even tho he hurt me I said I will never forget the memories and he meant a lot To me. I'm an idiot I know. I def am one of those that learned the hard way. Anyways he replied and said a really short and cold response. And just said he wished me the best. Not even an apology.

 

That's called a breadcrumb. According to the people in the other forum, they tell you to not respond to these at all. Sounds like you were just missing him, but no actual attempt of reconciliation was made? Secondly, the bolded part really begs to question how were you hurt? Was it because he broke up with you, or did he do something malicious? To me, it just sounds like you are hurt because he doesn't feel the same way about you. That's not his problem... that's yours. Also....why does he need to apologize for breaking up with you? If he didn't feel the same way about you, didn't he do the right thing?

 

I feel very relieved. A little sad, kinda feels like I got rejected again. Only bc I sent this long message and all he said was that he's glad we can be cool and put that in the past. And he wishes nothing but the best for me too.

 

How did you get rejected? He just said he was glad you can put everything in the past and wishes the best for you. I have absolutely no idea how you can take this negatively.

 

I guess I expected a "I'm sorry." It is what it is. The sad thing is, he's not worth it like u say. I respect that he replied he's not really the type to speak out at all. But i would have respected him more if he just apologized.

 

Once again, you held him to an expectation that he didn't meet, and you feel this is his fault somehow? Remember, it was your expectation.

 

I still forgive him and nobody is perfect, but he's not all that I thought he was. I feel

Like i deserved so much more than that response. But it makes me just realize I deserve someone just better in general.

 

I will agree. I do think you deserve someone fantastic in your life. However, you make presumptions and are hurting inside...and you are trying to find something to blame, hence your lashing out at unmet expectations and the nonreciprocal proclamation of affection.

 

In closing, I don't want to make you feel worse than you do. There are very few things more ...tragic (my opinion) than unrequited love.

 

You do deserve someone wonderful. However, don't be so quick to be hurt when someone doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about them. It's not a bad thing....

 

Last but not least, I have a quote in my head that I've always shared as I feel its very powerful.

 

"It's easy to fall in love with someone. It's very hard to fall in love with someone who falls in love back."

Edited April 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off-topic comments redacted.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

"he's not all that I thought he was" - and that is exactly what it comes down too.. we mourned for the person we thought & hoped they were x

[freebird31]

I specificaly told him that the WAY he handled the break up had hurt me. If you read my previous posts you will know the details of how HE reacted to breaking up with me.

 

And

However, don't be so quick to be hurt when someone doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about them. It's not a bad thing....

 

Its okay to feel hurt when someone doesnt feel the same way. WE ALL FEEL HURT and thats completely normal. Its a human feeling. I dont see anything wrong with feeling "quick to be hurt" otherwise none of us would be on this site.

 

In closing, I don't want to make you feel worse than you do.

 

I think you should re-read everything you just wrote. lol

Edited April 14, 2014 by freebird31

[tlegend]

I specificaly told him that the WAY he handled the break up had hurt me. If you read my previous posts you will know the details of how HE reacted to breaking up with me.

 

I'm sorry, I will admit, my attention started and stopped in this thread. I'm not going to read through a years worth of previous posts when I can just...read the post pertaining to your situation here.

 

Celebrate having a connection with someone, don't mourn the nonexistent love you wish they had for you. Sure, it hurts, but going off the deep end and saying things like "he's not worth it" because he doesn't want to reconcile with you? Explain that logic to me.

 

Best of luck to you. I do think you deserve someone great. I also call it as I see it. And being mad at someone because they don't love you back? Is that really love? Or just proclamation of love?

 

He isn't lying or leading you on right now. He simply doesn't share the same feelings.

 

Sorry, it sucks, but you will move on. Eventually.

 

My 2 cents.

[BC1980]

Freebird, I'm so sorry this happened. Please do not contact him again. I can empathize greatly because I broke NC last November. I thought I could handle it, and I still had that glimmer of hope. That conversation with my ex was so humiliating and hurtful that I can't bear to remember it. The only good that came of it was that I never contacted him again, and I never will. Keep moving forward. You will be okay.

[monkeyman2]

I'm sorry, I know how awful that must feel. It sounds like you've learned that that won't work here, and you've just got to keep moving on.

 

I wouldn't say that kind of thing never gets anywhere though. I think those things are worth a shot, but only one shot.

[freebird31]

I just want to say to everybody, that after careful thought and a few days to think this over, I really believe I made the right decision. I do very much believe in No Contact. Becuase NC is a way to protect us, right?! But i have also been suffering for a very long time with this break up because i held onto a false hope when my ex told me he still had love for me and still contacted me numerous tims after he broke up with me. I had told him he needed to let me go, if that was his decision so that we can both heal. That ended in a nasty ending, because he too was hurt that we could not remain friends. That was 8 months ago when we last spoke.

 

Since then, I hated the way everything had ended. I hated that it ended so harshly i just wanted it to end in peace. And i hated how he had told me he still had feelings for me and was still attracted to me, but didnt want a realtionship with me. He confused me. And so for many months, i held on. I held onto this false hope that we would soon be together again.

 

 

It was driving me insane and the other day after about 7-8 months NC, i reached out to him. The message was NOT to request reconciliation. The message was an honest statement of what he meant to me. And a request for peace. I WANTED him to know before i moved on how much the relationship meant to me. I took a huge risk sending this message. People advise to go NC becuase it could have ended ugly. he could have said a really cold and hurtful response to me. He could have said something really ugly that could have broken me all over again. But i took the risk and told him how much he meant to me during the time we went out. And that I will never forget the memories. I stated how it really hurt the way things had ended and how he handled the break up. I told him that I wish nothing but the best for him.

 

i look back at his reply, which was about 2 sentences long compared to my 2 paragraph long message, and i dont think its that bad afterall. I shouldnt have expected for him to tell me a diary of his feelings. He basically said that hes glad we can put that in the past and we are cool with eachother and he wishes me nothing but the best too.

 

Initially, when i read the response i felt hurt becuase maybe deep, deep down I was hoping for more. But i look back, and i appreciate that he gave me his reponse as short as it was. I feel like all those months after we broke up, he didnt want to let me go. He didnt want a relationship with me, yet he didnt want to let me go either. So he continuously would disrespect the space i had asked of him. He would contact me many times even tho HE was the one that wanted to break up. After we broke up, he even told me he was still attracted to me and had love for me. The whole thing was confusing! I dont think he knew how to let me go. i dont think he even knew what he wanted.

 

But i think he finally has let me go now!! I reached out and instead of giving me a wishy washy answer that may have led me on, i feel like his reponse was straight to the point and implied that he is now letting me go.!

 

And i feel like I can finaly move on now. i can finally let go of all the false hope i ever had. And although it does hurt still a bit, i no longer have to suffer. I know exactly what direction i want to go in and now for sure that i need to move on. I wouldnt have the answer otherwise if i didnt contact him.

 

I dont advise to break NC. NC is to protect ourselves from getting hurt or broken again. MY ex could have easily said something hurtful, which could have broke me like i said. Its a risk we have to be willing to take. Im so thankful it didnt end that way. I might have been in pieces right now if it ended otherwise. But i am so glad I took the risk. and got the answer I needed. He has finally let me go! So now i can finally let him go too. I think I am one of the lucky ones, where breaking NC led me to really find peace. But its not like that with everyone. Like I said, this could have ended completely UGLY and i could have been shattered. I guess im lucky.

 

i feel really good!

Edited April 16, 2014 by freebird31