banini_jeque Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I was posting in the breakup area a lot, and then somewhat in the dating and sexual health areas. I've been doing it on and off for the last 7 months or so, 2 or 3 months after getting dumped for the first time at 31. Something that for most of my friends is something normal thats hard they just move on, has become for me, an obsession. I'm obsessed with figuring out the truth of it all and making sure that I rebuild myself correctly after falling apart. The breakup didn't even wreck me that bad in hindsight, but all the obsessing afterwards seems to be making it worse in some ways, and maybe better in others. Normally in life I do just fine, although I find myself dramatizing things to a degree here and there, it's usually not a big deal. But especially when I've been rejected, and even more especially when it's by a woman that I'm romantically interested in, it just becomes this constant thing. It's happened in the past when I just had a crush on a girl but she turned me down, or when I express interest in someone and then they stop talking to me. I've never done anything to hurt any of these people physically, nor have I threatened to or even wanted to, but the way that I obsess over it, and express my thoughts, and with the time it takes for me to move on scares people. It scares these poor girls, my friends, and especially me. On the bright side, I have always eventually managed to move on, and be happy, and that usually lasts for a long time. It's true that I've avoided relationships for long periods of time partly because I didn't want to let myself go back to that, but when I turned 30, I decided I wanted to make an effort to see if I could do it. I found that I could for the most part, but then with this past breakup, there's so much about it that is new and scary that I'm kind of back to the obsession with figuring it all out. I know I will eventually, but some of my friends are worried, and some people on here that have read my posts are worried, and the fact that they're worried makes me worry even more. Link to post Share on other sites
getagripordietrying Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 dude, I'm same age and can very much relate to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Some people who easily move on sometimes are not very much invested to begin with and have a relation out of convenience, or they are avoidant of their emotions, they perhaps are securely attached and you are not, perhaps you are just more sensitive than your friends (which can be a positive trait, but also has its downsides). Do not compare yourself to much with others. It makes me curious to your attachment-style though: Attachment Styles and Close Relationships It would not surprise if you find answers with this test. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I'm obsessed with figuring out the truth of it all and making sure that I rebuild myself correctly after falling apart. What do you mean by rebuilding yourself "correctly"? What would happen if you could do that? (What would it look like to you, and/or how would you feel after you did it?) Or, what are you afraid will or might happen, if you don't? Also, do you think that we only get one opportunity in life to "fall apart"? What if "falling apart" is actually a good thing, and we get to do it multiple of multiples of times? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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