Whats the best way to go if you actually do want to get back with your ex

[Libra85]

if i actually do want to get back with my EX Gf,what is the best way to go about this.I was wondering what strategies worked for some of you guys here NC? being friends at first?

[whoknows11]

if i actually do want to get back with my EX Gf,what is the best way to go about this.I was wondering what strategies worked for some of you guys here NC? being friends at first?

 

Nothing at all honestly works. Theres no strategy. I did everything i could, ex never came back. I dont hear from her anymore as well. I still have every bit of feeling for her. But maybe you could get that miracle most want on here that their ex will contact them and come back. But its usually false hope. Just do what you thinks best. But be real careful. I learned that.

[Pod81]

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to make your ex want you back. There are things you can do to push her away, however (constant contact, crying, begging, pleading, giving flowers, serenading, etc). The only thing you can is to get yourself and your confidence back, but you should be doing this for yourself first and foremost. Maybe...just maybe...she'll take notice that you're the guy that she fell for in the first place (but in all honestly, it's pretty unlikely). Don't think about being friends with your ex either - you will be friend-zoned and kill hopes of reconciliation in the future.

[leoc1973]

Do not be friends with your ex! Read about a million guys stories on here and see where the friend thing gets you! I know what your looking for is your best chance right? Well that is to leave her alone and even ignore her a little. Go to the gym, take a class(any class) women like to see progress. They hate stagnation. Thats why we usually get boring and dumped. It happens to the best of us so don't think its any thing you did(unless you did something) Make a 5 year plan. There are lots of things you can do to attract her back. Just not friends no way don't do it!

 

I had 4 long term relationships and 3 dumped me. The only time they ever came back(and every one of them came back) is when I met a new girl. Jealousy is very powerful.

[sohappytogether]

I got my ex BF back and we werent on speaking terms. I sent him cards and letter and eventually he texted me but I guess I was lucky. Things werent always great between us but we put the past behind us.

[Libra85]

Well my breakup happened about 3 weeks ago..she said she wants to be friends and really likes me as a person..I understand that people are advising not be friends and just ignore her and do your own thing,but when you reestablish contact if you dont play as a friend(and you arent a lover)i wonder what cards you will be able to play..I am a kind of person who is very aware of being needy.I was thinking of being friends but subconciously trying to reseduce her and do things that a lover would do..Like bring up the great moments we had and try to play with her emotions by making a video(kind of a biography of the good moments we shared) with other people saying that i love her(even writing this in the sand at the beach and showing it to her on video) and show her the wonderful memories we had together.Does anyone think anything like this would work?

[Gulf-Delta]

if i actually do want to get back with my EX Gf,what is the best way to go about this.I was wondering what strategies worked for some of you guys here NC? being friends at first?

 

There is literally NOTHING that YOU can do. If she comes back, it will be 100% her choice. She's made her mind, and there is ZERO things you can do to change it.

 

She left for a reason. Whether it's a valid reason or not, in her head, it makes sense, and you can't change her mind.

[fucpcg]

if i actually do want to get back with my EX Gf,what is the best way to go about this.I was wondering what strategies worked for some of you guys here NC? being friends at first?

(1) Figure out why it ended. Figure out what you contributed to making this a failure. Figure out where you are to blame, why you did those things, and how to make sure you don't do those thing again in the future.

 

(2) Apologize for any mistakes you made. Only do it if/when you can do it sincerely, and when you honestly understand how much blame you had in the failure.

 

(3) Tell her WHY you would want to try again. Show there is a reason besides loneliness. WHAT makes her - you - the two of you - so special. For example, if my ex were to ask me why I love, miss, and don't want to give up on her, my answer would be because she is my best friend, and she knows it because we did EVERYTHING together, and my life just isn't complete without my best friend in it anymore. True? 100%, and she knows it

 

(4) Leave it at that, you can't force anything to happen. You need to drop it beyond this, other than to not miss important events. Send a birthday card, a christmas card, etc, so that she knows you care still, even as time passes.

[fucpcg]

Worst advice on the forum... IF you want to look like a loser and be captain save a hoe for the rest of your life follow this advice

 

Best advice - disappear off the face of the planet. Make her wonder about you, what youre up to etc. If she asks, just respond "None of your business"

 

Worst advice on the forum:)... if they had a good relationship that went bad, and both parties really want to make it happen. You know that I mostly agree with you, but I don't agree with the whole NC game playing thing when it's not a drastic situation, nor a catastrophic meltdown. Sometimes you can actually fix stuff by TRYING to fix stuff. Wasn't happening in my situation, doesn't mean his is like mine.

[fucpcg]

We all make mistakes Wilson. I made plenty in my last relationship. So did she, but that doesn't absolve me from what I did wrong. If accepting responsibility makes me look like a pu$$y, then no I certainly wasn't with the right woman anyway. And I've read plenty of reunitings happening the way I wrote down the advice, but honestly I can't say I have read any makeup stories leading to long term successes from going NC. Maybe I've just missed those....

[Warrior]

I had 4 long term relationships and 3 dumped me. The only time they ever came back(and every one of them came back) is when I met a new girl. Jealousy is very powerful.

 

How much time passed until you found a new girlfriend after BU? Question for everybody also... Just curious.

[BrokenAnna]

@Wilson - When do you stop NC? I did it for too long and he just gave up...now after initiating contact he friendzoned me

[Libra85]

what do you guys think of my above suggestion of creating a film and having ppl in it say david loves you and even writing it in the sand on the beach..I was thinking i can even go to the places that we ate and be like this is where we use to sit..Its been 3 weeks since the breakup..Is this something that i could pull off?

[Gulf-Delta]

what do you guys think of my above suggestion of creating a film and having ppl in it say david loves you and even writing it in the sand on the beach..I was thinking i can even go to the places that we ate and be like this is where we use to sit..Its been 3 weeks since the breakup..Is this something that i could pull off?

 

What is your motivation for this...she already knows :/

[salmagundi]

Libra, don't you f&?king dare do any of that crazy s?&t. It will make her extremely uncomfortable and I guarantee you you will rue the day you embarked on such a course of folly.

 

I think we have all been tempted to make the 'hail mary pass,' the bold move that will knock her off her feet and prove you love to all for all time. If that sh&* actually worked we would all be back with our exes now. It doesn't and it will only make you look and feel like a fool and go through shuddering convulsions of shame and embarrassment for the rest of your life. I know this...

 

As with all things, the simplest answer is the usually the best. Go NC. Calmez vos ardeurs mon ami. Get it together. She if she comes knocking when your head is clear enough that you're no longer contemplating bone headed moves like your aforementioned then and only then will you have a shot. If you still want one...

 

[Dblock10]

simply put, stay low contact and don't say or do anything stupid. don't question who they have been seeing, and hold onto hope that they will come back or that you will get a chance to meet again and hit it off.

 

but notice what i underlined. and bare in mind it most likely won't work out in your favour therefore, you will be wasting your life away. so go figure what the best thing to do is..

Edited July 25, 2012 by Dblock10

[Libra85]

I understand what you guys are saying.I also realized that if i wasn't boring around her and kept things interesting and more passionate she maybe wouldn't have behaved the way we did.I realized this after reading about IMAGO therapy..it has a 90% success rate in couples therapy.I didn't have a vision for our relationship and there are exercise in the book that i could of done to heal our childhood wounds.I just want to get back together with her so we can do this therapy.Anyways back to the topic.Why would she feel uncomfortable if i did the video..aim just showing appreciation for our relationship.Ive never done a major project like this before for her so im thinking she may appreciate it.

[DisGai]

We all make mistakes Wilson. I made plenty in my last relationship. So did she, but that doesn't absolve me from what I did wrong. If accepting responsibility makes me look like a pu$$y, then no I certainly wasn't with the right woman anyway. And I've read plenty of reunitings happening the way I wrote down the advice, but honestly I can't say I have read any makeup stories leading to long term successes from going NC. Maybe I've just missed those....

 

Read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/337563-dumper-ex-wants-reconciliation-so-lost to hear about the result of my going NC. This period of NC has, by far, been the most growing/developing experience of my life. Being only 20 years old, never have I ever considered so much my need to man up, leave my mistakes in the past, and move forward. In the end, NC got my EX all caught up in confusion, emotional longing, and ultimately, a hope for reconciliation.

 

Now, moving back on topic, Libra85, I know exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. I've been there. Wrote a well-thought-out love letter, considered sending flowers on our would-be anniversary, etc. You'd think that by showing her just how much you love her, she'd get all emotionally stirred up and maybe fall back into your arms.

 

I am sorry that I have to say this, but that will absolutely not work. When a woman makes a decision, she will have calculated her options over and over to make sure that she knows exactly what she wants. She made up her mind that the relationship was currently not working, and your attempt to pull her back in will only push her away.

 

Your EX left you, and you know what you deserve. Only you can give yourself the utmost and highest respect. So, my advice to you, my friend, is to drop your bags/hope of immediate reconciliation and seek to move forward and improve yourself to your fullest of your capability. Live life the way you were meant to live it. Seek out new friendships, new relationships. Maintain current ones. (We were made to interact with people, remember!) Pick up on your old, forgotten activities. Or just pick up new ones! Go hit the gym, traveling, experience the outdoors, or do whatever that interests you. Don't let this breakup make you take your relationships with other people for granted. Family and good friends are a bit different from your average girlfriend; they typically will not leave you.

 

Your EX will most likely contact you while you are following through with NC. When you can look at yourself in the mirror and be fully confident that you are awesome just the way you are and feel that your life has become independent of hers, then, and only then, will it be possible for you to get back together in a healthy relationship with your EX. At that point, you may be ready to start LC (low/light contact).

 

So I beg you, please do not do anything in your power to influence or manipulate her to come back to you. By not contacting, speaking, or meeting up with her, she may come back to "test you out," or to see if she is interested in you. If you can carry out what I said up there, she may indeed be attracted to the new and sexy you

 

Best of luck!

[Libra85]

Heres the thing my cell phone was stolen last friday and the person who stole it sent a reply when my dad tryed sending me a pic,the person said nice pic but wrong person.So he had it for 5 days..(up to that time before it was stolen i had a solid 1.5 week of NC)The biggest thing that worries me is if my gf tried to contact me during that time and he said something to blow her off.Like wrong number or don't ever contact this number.I just got a new phone.Should i text her and say i don't if you have tried to contact me last week but my phone was stolen?

[salmagundi]

don't do that either, to her it will look like a contrived way to reaching out to her...

 

But forget about her. The real reason to not do any of this is because once you send that message, you will then sit around waiting for a response and building yourself up to get it. While waiting for this response you will only think of her. And when you get it you will likely be disappointed and even more bummed out than when you started this vicious circle. THAT is why you go NC. Not only so that you stop playing games with her and so she can't play games with you but so you stop playing games with yourself...

 

[leoc1973]

I was just going to tell you to read Disgai's post but I see he already linked it. That is how you get an ex back. And she didn't want anything to do with him.

 

And to answer the other posters question about my ex's coming back. 1 of them was 3 months after I begged and pleaded and cried like a little baby. Finally a cousin hooked me up with a girl and literally the minute she heard about it she came crying and begging back.

 

Second one was after about 6 months. Same story. I didn't really beg and cry at that point cause I grew up a little I guess. Was dating the new girl about a week and the ex came crying and telling me she had no idea what she was losing ect.

 

Third girl was 3 and a half months. Met a new girl and ex literally came back the minute she heard about it. I took that one back. And we were together 3 more years. she dumped me again and we have been apart just over a year now. This time she knew I was dating but didn't seem to care but when she heard that I was getting serious with the new girl she came back. Read my last post for a little more info on this situation. But we are both so stubborn and we go back and forth between wanting and not wanting to make it work. I think we just both know we are wrong for each other but don't wanna permanently let each other go so we play these little games.

 

Ignore her and really moving in I think is the best way to go. If they think you are just trying to make them jealous it could work but could backfire and make you look pathetic. Thats why you have to be really moving on and not just pretending. Oh and don't ever make a fake girl on facebook to make her jealous. I had a friend's ex find out and she made him look like a moron!

 

Wilson's advice is pretty solid. I just get caught between knowing what I should do and what I want to do. But he is right. Ignore!!

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

Read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/337563-dumper-ex-wants-reconciliation-so-lost to hear about the result of my going NC. This period of NC has, by far, been the most growing/developing experience of my life. Being only 20 years old, never have I ever considered so much my need to man up, leave my mistakes in the past, and move forward. In the end, NC got my EX all caught up in confusion, emotional longing, and ultimately, a hope for reconciliation.

 

Now, moving back on topic, Libra85, I know exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. I've been there. Wrote a well-thought-out love letter, considered sending flowers on our would-be anniversary, etc. You'd think that by showing her just how much you love her, she'd get all emotionally stirred up and maybe fall back into your arms.

 

I am sorry that I have to say this, but that will absolutely not work. When a woman makes a decision, she will have calculated her options over and over to make sure that she knows exactly what she wants. She made up her mind that the relationship was currently not working, and your attempt to pull her back in will only push her away.

 

Your EX left you, and you know what you deserve. Only you can give yourself the utmost and highest respect. So, my advice to you, my friend, is to drop your bags/hope of immediate reconciliation and seek to move forward and improve yourself to your fullest of your capability. Live life the way you were meant to live it. Seek out new friendships, new relationships. Maintain current ones. (We were made to interact with people, remember!) Pick up on your old, forgotten activities. Or just pick up new ones! Go hit the gym, traveling, experience the outdoors, or do whatever that interests you. Don't let this breakup make you take your relationships with other people for granted. Family and good friends are a bit different from your average girlfriend; they typically will not leave you.

 

Your EX will most likely contact you while you are following through with NC. When you can look at yourself in the mirror and be fully confident that you are awesome just the way you are and feel that your life has become independent of hers, then, and only then, will it be possible for you to get back together in a healthy relationship with your EX. At that point, you may be ready to start LC (low/light contact).

 

So I beg you, please do not do anything in your power to influence or manipulate her to come back to you. By not contacting, speaking, or meeting up with her, she may come back to "test you out," or to see if she is interested in you. If you can carry out what I said up there, she may indeed be attracted to the new and sexy you

 

Best of luck!

 

 

if you were to follow all this do you think it has an effect on male dumpers as well? ive been doing NC ever since he broke up with me...so i just wanted to know.

[leoc1973]

soconfused, as a man the best way to get a man back is with another man. I have been on both ends of it. I have had a lot of serious relationships and not so serious relationships thru the years. I can't tell you how many times I have dated a girl that had been dumped and thrown away and soon as I start dating them the guy comes back almost insanely at times.

 

My ex the one I was with for 6 years when I first started seeing her there was a guy before me that left her. He called her fat ugly dumb told her he lost love for her and also told her he would never be with her again, she disgusted him ect. Soon as he found out about me he lost his mind. He wrote poems and emails and texts and showed up at her door begging for another chance. He followed us and spied and even showed up at my apartment with a crowbar and threatened me.

 

Another great example I can think of off hand is since my breakup I met a girl whose husband just vanished for 4 months and left her broke with an 8 month old baby. She finally got ahold of him and he told her he wanted a divorce and didn't want anything to do with the baby. After he found out about me he was begging and crying and one thing he kept saying over and over is "I just want my family back" ugh it made me wanna puke! She actually ended up going back with him.

 

I can probably think of a ton more where the guy wasn't so harsh but those are the 2 extreme cases.

 

So want a guy back. Get another guy. Don't hurt the new guy in the process cause it always seems to come back on you. But if he doesn't come back after you meet a new guy then he isn't coming back. Oh and make sure he's better looking if ya can.

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

So want a guy back. Get another guy. Don't hurt the new guy in the process cause it always seems to come back on you. But if he doesn't come back after you meet a new guy then he isn't coming back. Oh and make sure he's better looking if ya can.

 

 

 

wow that's so crazy. so hard to understand men and their mindset (and they say women r complicated and dont know what they want.) LOL BUTTT omg that's a risk i'm so scared to take lol a lot of guys have asked me out in the past 2 weeks but its like i'm emotionally not there since i want my ex back. eh idk i'm just gonna keep working on myself and see what comes my way in the meanwhile. thanks for your advise tho.

[Libra85]

UPDATE

 

She sent me a text message earlier today after ignoring her for the last two weeks.

"Give me a call when you get a chance there is something i didnt tell you that i wanted to tell you two weeks ago"

Why do you guys she sent this im thinking either

1)She feels guilty about something and wants to tell me that she met a guy before she broke up with me(cheating) or she meet a new bf

2)She wants to tell me that she wants to give the relationship another chance

 

Why do you guys think is she sending me this? Should i call her back and find out?

(My intentions are to eventually unite with her,Replying to this msg or continuing to ignore her whichever puts me in a stronger position i will do what you guys reccomend)

Edited July 29, 2012 by Libra85