Guys, what is your thought on "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

[JellyBeen]

As stated on title. Would you date someone who cheated on their SO before?

[central]

Some people learn from their mistakes. Some don't. You can usually tell by the way they talk about the issue - if they do.

[KathyM]

No. Cheating shows poor judgment, poor self control, poor boundaries, dishonesty, and lack of respect for someone you supposedly care about. Those are not traits I would want in a partner. Although it's possible that the person has turned over a new leaf and would not cheat in the future, the risk of a relationship with someone who has shown those traits in the past would not be something I'd want to take. Past history of cheating would be a dealbreaker for me.

[rumbleseat]

It would depend.

If I were talking with the person about past relationships and they opened up about the fact that they had cheated in a past relationship, but learned form that and will never do it again, I might believe them. I would be impressed that they took ownership and responsibility for their actions.

 

If they hid that they had cheated, or admitted to it but blamed it all on the other person, made it seem like they couldn't help themselves or tried to minimize it, I couldn't trust them.

 

While they may say they would never cheat again, I don;t think that they would have learned anything, and there would be a great risk that they could fall back into that behavior again.

[Under The Radar]

If they learned from that experience it's not in accordance with their current personal values and are strongly opposed to infidelity. It's all about the evolution of that's individual's character and personal growth.

 

 

Though I've never cheated, I have violated my own code of ethics at times. It served as a reminder for how I want to treat people (and receive treatment) moving forward in life. I can look back on things I did as a kid and cannot believe I said or did certain things. I learned from it and never did it again.

 

 

Hopefully most people live and learn as they age. I think if most people are brutally honest with themselves they will admit to actions, at some point in their life, that didn't parallel their own morals.

 

 

There is also a difference between a serial cheater and a one time incident in the span of someone's entire life. Once a cheater, always a cheater, is a blanket generalization that's close minded and lazy.

[FrostBlaze]

No i would not. People do small changes, stuff like being a cheater, i don't believe that ever changes, requires to much.

[BHsigh]

There's not even the smallest chance that I would. If I ever divorce and am, for whatever reason, back in the dating world, that would be my deal breaker.

 

Once a cheater, always a cheater. They may not ever cheat again, but the ability to allow themselves to will always be with them.

[Under The Radar]

Yessiree Bob ......

 

 

Get out the torches and the pitchforks.

 

 

LOL

[Woggle]

It would depend how long ago and if I truly believe they changed.

[BHsigh]

Yessiree Bob ......

 

 

Get out the torches and the pitchforks.

 

 

LOL

 

I wouldn't go that far, but I'm not risking my sanity on something like that, I've been through enough.

[Eggplant]

I'm not so full of myself as to think he wouldn't do the same to me.

[Shepp]

As stated on title. Would you date someone who cheated on their SO before?

 

Maybe....but I do believe if you cheat one you always have the ability you cheat again

[BetrayedH]

I've seen more than a few scenarios where a person cheated, learned, and never did it again for me to believe the "once a cheater" mantra.

 

And to be honest, I think it might just be safer to be with a truly remorseful former wayward than to be with someone with no history with infidelity. It's just too easy for a newbie to loosen up boundaries, fail to mention it, and get caught up in it all. I get that some people have had their fill of infidelity (so have I) but there are just no guarantees. Like a previous poster mentioned, if the former wayward can own it, discuss it honestly, avoid blameshifting, and demonstrate some real introspection, then I can see giving that person a chance and perhaps even feeling safer than if it was a Christian virgin.

[Elias33]

As stated on title. Would you date someone who cheated on their SO before?

 

Once a (blank), always a (blank) is such garbage.

[HomanWater]

As stated on title. Would you date someone who cheated on their SO before?

 

10 years earlier in high school and never anymore? Probably.

 

Still on it? Hell no.

but I do believe if you cheat one you always have the ability you cheat again

 

Every single sexually mature person in the world has the ability to cheat. What matters is conscious decision to resist.

[ascendotum]

I don't understand why not just be honest? Cheating is not about the sex, it's about the lies. If you are honest with me, we can get through anything. But don't let me catch you in a lie. Please.

 

I'm sure a lot of people are with ex-cheaters and have no idea. If it happened quite a few years ago and their close friends are not going to blurt out that the details and those that might have they have distanced themselves from them. All part of the 'the past is the past' and its irrelevant now to you philosophy. I know so many more people who are happy to admit they have been cheated on (some numerous times) than people who have confessed to cheating. In a couple of instances down the line I have discovered that the reason for a persons relationship breakup was not because they got cheated on, but the total opposite, and their ass got kicked out. Its not on public record so many people will be happy to paint the picture of themselves you want to see.

[RedRobin]

If a person told me they cheated... They are either asking for permission to cheat on me or asking for redemption... Neither of which I can give them.

 

I assume most men around here are single because they were the ones who cheated. Their behavior as single men bears that out... Even if they told me they were faithful... I wouldn't believe most of them... Too much sowing of oats after their divorce to make me believe they were the chaste and faithful one...

[BradJacobs]

As stated on title. Would you date someone who cheated on their SO before?

 

I'd be a hypocrite if I thought people couldn't change so my answer is yes.

[Woggle]

If a person told me they cheated... They are either asking for permission to cheat on me or asking for redemption... Neither of which I can give them.

 

I assume most men around here are single because they were the ones who cheated. Their behavior as single men bears that out... Even if they told me they were faithful... I wouldn't believe most of them... Too much sowing of oats after their divorce to make me believe they were the chaste and faithful one...

 

What if they were the ones who were cheated on?

[skippy88]

Nope, have yet to see anyone who cheated, not cheat again.

[carhill]

Well, the only way someone who didn't know the inside of our past M would know I was a MM (disclosed EA) would be if I told them and it's easy to lie, or I could stare them straight in the face, just like Bill Clinton did, and state, 'no, I didn't have sex with that woman' and it would be the truth! No one has asked and I haven't dated since our D was final over three years ago. No interest in that stuff anymore; just plain burnt out on women.

 

I've seen so much infidelity (either disclosed to me or them hitting on me) amongst women of my generation and demographic, whether of the type I engaged in or sexual infidelity, that none of it surprises or shocks me anymore. I wouldn't bother attempting to decide whether they're one and done or not. It's completely speculative.

 

I personally think people are entitled to judge infidelity any way they choose. If they deem it a life sentence, one and done, that's their judgment. If not, not. Out of my control!

[rumbleseat]

I suppose I am naive, but I'd like to believe most people can learn from the last and are worthy of trust and redemption should they choose to do the hard work of learning better ways of behaviour.

[rumbleseat]

I suppose I am naive, but I'd like to believe most people can learn from the last and are worthy of trust and redemption should they choose to do the hard work of learning better ways of behaviour.

 

If we can not grow and learn from our past mistakes, what the ( bleep) point is there?

 

While I have never cheated on someone, I am certainly guilty of other transgressions. I'd like to believe that I learned from them and won't act like that again, as now I know better.

[melell]

I don't believe that is the case, it certainly hasn't been in my experience.

 

Unless they are obvious serial cheaters- which I think most people would steer clear of automatically.

 

Some people cheat when they are young/immature, some people cheat when they are in unhealthy relationships, and some people cheat when they don't feel strongly about their partners.

 

There can be heaps of reasons, but that doesn't mean to say that when in a happy committed relationship they would venture out.

There are some people that are really insecure, and seek validation from there ability to have sex with others- despite things being great at home. I know one person like this.

 

I would be more inclined to look to someones personality for the chances they may cheat than someones past history (unless obvious). Insecurity being a big one.

 

I can honestly say the people I have known that are the least likely to cheat are those that have their pick of sexual partners.

[hellischrome]

I had 2 real relationships in my adult life and I cheated on both guys, repeatedly. I never cheated on my current BF, who has been a cheater too in the past. I know all about it, he told me that if he will be interested in anyone else and if he realizes there is something that could potentially lead to cheating, any kind of cheating, he will tell me. He just said he wants things to be like that with us because he grew up. And I believe him.