What do you think of guys that would date anyone?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I know a couple of 30+ guys that are perma-single and have tried to date nearly any single female I know. They pretty much got rejected every time.

 

The thing is, if not for that fact, they are reasonably cute and intelligent, perhaps somewhat socially awkward. The fact that they have tried to date everyone makes me and I wouldn't consider dating them.

 

Would this be a huge turn off for you?

[ascendotum]

l've known a few guys like this. Looking on (as a guy) I thought it was a bit pathetic, even though the guys themselves were okay people, and shouldn't have had as much trouble finding a girlfriend then they did. Some were slightly socially awkward a bit lower on the confidence side when it came to women but not goobers by any means (well a couple were just a little too intense in personality). I guess the thing is their lack of success snowballs and they became desperate over time. I am sure other girls in our social circles picked up how they had hit on a bunch of others (pretty much anyone single) and so were put off by it....probably on 3 levels. A. They sensed the guys were desperate. B. They knew they were asking out any girls just because they single and talked to them and not because they thought they were special. C. The opposite effect of pre-selection attraction was was likely putting them off though they might not admit it.

 

For such guys, they can still find success though by expanding outside of their social circles (was the case for all but one of those guys). Even a new girl coming into their circle would soon be clued up by the other girls on whose who. The scenario you asked about is going to be much more relevant for women, since its pretty rare for a woman to hit on a succession of guys in a social circle. She might sleep with a few though and that would be off putting for some of the other guys if she wanted to switch to bf mode for them.

[nerd]

Assuming they're both inexperienced and old enough that they're aware they should have more experience by now, it's not really surprising. They're looking for the relationship experience more than anything else, probably fully aware that the relationship (like most) will probably die due to incompatibility or whatever. But if they never get into one because they never ask, well....

 

It's probably a turn off in general. If you can get over it and you think they're people you'd enjoy dating otherwise, go ahead. Buck the trend. But if you're repulsed, it's not worth trying to overcome that initial instinct. Like most relationships with most people, it probably wouldn't work out.

[Els]

Big turn-off for me, yep. I very much prefer guys who are selective, especially if they are selective about the same qualities/traits that I myself consider important in a partner (certain personality types, intelligence, shared interests, etc).

[road]

I know a couple of 30+ guys that are perma-single and have tried to date nearly any single female I know. They pretty much got rejected every time.

 

The thing is, if not for that fact, they are reasonably cute and intelligent, perhaps somewhat socially awkward. The fact that they have tried to date everyone makes me and I wouldn't consider dating them.

 

Would this be a huge turn off for you?

 

 

 

 

I think you are not being honest.

 

 

You are not willing to date them not because they asked out so many other woman and got turned down. Because of the yuck factor. All of the woman that you know will not date them because they are seen as a 1 not a 10 on desirableness.

 

 

You do not want to be seen lowering your self worth and dating market worth by dating that type of man.

 

 

So according to you because they got shot down they are not to ask anyone else out. Well then how do they get a woman?

 

 

Networking:

 

 

People network as kids on the playground and in school. People are encouraged to network in college, work, adult friendships, hobby's. So they network to meet eligible woman.

Edited April 5, 2015 by road

[DatingDirection]

Well, it's one thing to be open minded, and date different types of people, it's another thing to not have standards such as, dating addicts of any kind, etc.

Edited April 5, 2015 by DatingDirection
typo

[DatingDirection]

Big turn-off for me, yep. I very much prefer guys who are selective, especially if they are selective about the same qualities/traits that I myself consider important in a partner (certain personality types, intelligence, shared interests, etc).

 

Yes, that too is important, commonalty. So, I guess you're correct, it would turn me off, if someone dated someone they had nothing in common with, like at all. It would suggest, the person didn't know themselves well enough to know how to be happy in life with another partner, as if they just need company with them all the time, no matter what.

[xxoo]

If it is obvious that he's tried to date all the ladies and got rejected, he's got to be very un-smooth. I like charming men, so no, I wouldn't.

 

And while I don't mind a man that treats all the ladies like ladies, including the grandmothers and toddlers, I do want to feel special as a romantic partner and not that just anyone could have filled the role.

[carhill]

Just imagine all the single women they've tried to date that you don't know.

 

I mean, unless these guys do a CIA dossier on women on the street, they, like most men, are generally clueless about the particulars of any woman they ask out on a date. Man sees woman he finds attractive. She seems friendly. He asks her on date to get to know her better. She says yes or no. Next steps depend on how that goes. If yes, he gets to know her. If no, he moves on to next attractive woman.

 

In my demographic back during my dating decades, sure I dated any woman I found attractive and whom I could verify as single. That amounted to maybe one or two a year at best, even less if factoring in them agreeing to date me. There simply weren't any single women around and my parameters of 'attractive' became wider and wider as the years dragged on.

 

These guys could be entirely uninterested in relationships and simply like dating women. They could be social misfits. They could be looking for the 'perfect' woman and dating all over the place to find her. It's really unknown. The tone of the post, IMO, speaks to social power. If those men were socially powerful and dating the field, they'd be attractive, not because of dating the field but rather the social power they wielded. Instead, they appear to be socially impotent so their behaviors border on creepy. That's how it goes!

[elaine567]

Its like everything else in life, we tend to go for the stuff everyone else likes. It is safe that way and we are less likely to be disappointed.

 

If I go on Amazon to buy a toaster, I may like a quirky one, but if it has 7 good reviews and another has 700 good reviews; like most other people I will plump for the one with the most reviews, because it probably means most people bought that one and liked it.

Knowing not a huge amount about toasters, I go with the flow, I do not want to take the risk of the quirky one, knowing it may turn out to be a dud. My judgement on toasters is based on other people's experience.

 

Knowing not a huge amount about those guys, the fact that most women turned them down, is the same as getting a lot of bad reviews on Amazon; most women therefore do not want to take the risk.

Like the quirky toaster, they may be excellent in reality, but given the choice, most will take what they think is the safer bet.

[EasyHeart]

I suspect this is a gender-neutral phenomenon. People who are choosey about who they date are instinctively not interested in people who are not choosey about who they date. If you want to look for the psychological meaning, I think people who aren't choosey about who they date aren't really interested in me as a person; they just want a date -- any date! Why would I want to waste my time with someone who isn't interested in me as a person, but just wants a body they can point to and say, "Hey! Look! I have a date!" That doesn't make me feel wanted. I'm just an object in their weird (and probably desperate) fantasy.

 

I also found myself sometimes doing something related, though I think it's actually worse. If I knew a woman and knew that she'd dated d-bags or other men that I think are kind of gross, slimey, creepy, etc., I'd cross her off my list of dateable women. I figured that if she's dated d-bags in the past, she wouldn't be compatible with non-d-baggy men like me. Probably not fair, but I did it all the time.

[GoodOnPaper]

Sounds like a guy can't win. If someone has trouble getting dates, the only way he'll resolve that is by actually asking women out. Aren't first dates primarily for getting to know each other, anyway? I would have loved to have met a few women who were a little less choosey about a first date.

[xxoo]

Sounds like a guy can't win. If someone has trouble getting dates, the only way he'll resolve that is by actually asking women out. Aren't first dates primarily for getting to know each other, anyway? I would have loved to have met a few women who were a little less choosey about a first date.

 

In a forced social setting like school, getting to know each other often comes before the first date. Charm the women around you, and dates follow.

[EasyHeart]

In a forced social setting like school, getting to know each other often comes before the first date. Charm the women around you, and dates follow.

OMG, it's never going to be easier to get dates than when you're in school. You're surrounded by women. Dating only starts getting tough once you're out and suddenly every woman is older than you and almost all of them are married.

[Leigh 87]

No thanks.

 

I go for average looking, intelligent guys with great personalities who do have options in dating and selectively choose me.

[road]

The tone of the post, IMO, speaks to social power. If those men were socially powerful and dating the field, they'd be attractive, not because of dating the field but rather the social power they wielded. Instead, they appear to be socially impotent so their behaviors border on creepy. That's how it goes!

 

 

 

 

Parallels the statement: when is asking a woman out not sexual harassment?

 

 

When she likes the man.

[Harold of Andraste]

It's hard to be selective when you can't get what you want.

 

Also it's really funny that social circles are always listed as the main place to get dates, but in fact they aren't good at all. Once a man strikes out with one woman, it seems like he's blacklisted from all the others. Of course if a guy is charming, then it's fine if he "dates" everybody in the group.

[No Limit]

I'd think they were either co-dependant and can barely stand being alone or that they're players looking for as much sex as possible - so I'd stay away.

[road]

I suspect this is a gender-neutral phenomenon. People who are choosey about who they date are instinctively not interested in people who are not choosey about who they date.

 

 

 

 

It is not a question of the men in OP's post are not choosey. They are men that can not get a date. They are choosey just because they can't get a 8 to a 10, they will still try down to a average 4 to 7. Yet pass on the 1 to 3's.

 

 

So according to you that means because they ask a lot of woman out that they are not choosey. By now they know that the odds are against them.

 

 

So what are these men to do not ask any more women out?

 

 

Remember the goal of these men that keep getting shot down have only one option to man up and risk rejection again for if they give up they will never get a date. Never have a relationship.

 

 

Got to respect their efforts.

 

 

As another poster said, if these men were 10's, had great careers, great wealth, there is not a woman in the OP's group that would turn these men down no matter how many women they asked out or dated.

 

 

Again OP is turning her nose down at them because of their low social status. Instead she hides the truth though using the cover/excuse of they ask to many woman out and they always get turned down.

[Anela]

It's no wonder so many guys are confused on here. Men are told that dating is a numbers game, but when they try to do that, women don't want to date them because they aren't selective enough. I'm really glad I stepped out of the dating game.

 

Women here, myself included, have told men who claimed that they'd date anyone who would have them, that they should raise their standards. I wouldn't want to go out with someone who was just shooting for a date with any woman.

 

By the way: those men weren't telling the truth. They wouldn't date overweight women who liked them, older women, women they found unattractive, etc.

[ascendotum]

It's no wonder so many guys are confused on here. Men are told that dating is a numbers game, but when they try to do that, women don't want to date them because they aren't selective enough. I'm really glad I stepped out of the dating game.

This is what I was thinking. This is the flip side to the situation. The advice on here for guys struggling is move on and hit on the next girl, then the next. I guess as long as the eventual woman that will say yes to date hasn't seen them hit on and get rejected by a bunch of woman beforehand I still think its good advice up to a point...and that is not hit on any ol female that is merely 'single' & 'not unattractive', but to be more selective in what you find attractive. Some guys through who are a bit desperate find a lot of women viable as a potential date, and it does serve their interests better.

 

This situation can exist for lots of guys who use OLD. Plenty of men are contacting dozens to hundreds of women to get dates. The woman who eventually becomes his gf doesn't want to hear to the question 'what was so special about me that you chose me' that its because 'you were the only one to keep going out with me out of 200 I contacted' lol Doesn't matter, women like to think the guy specifically chose them from amongst a number of other women that wanted him.

[Harold of Andraste]

The woman who eventually becomes his gf doesn't want to hear to the question 'what was so special about me that you chose me' that its because 'you were the only one to keep going out with me out of 200 I contacted' lol Doesn't matter, women like to think the guy specifically chose them from amongst a number of other women that wanted him.

 

LOL!

 

That's exactly what happens with the numbers game. The woman isn't special at all. She's just the first one to say yes.

[ltjg45]

It's a Catch-22 scenario, really.

 

For men to get dates, they have to ask out women. Some may have to do so via cold approaching, which is frankly dangerous in this anti-male society we currently live in especially when that male is generally unattractive to the majority of women.

 

However, if a single man that has no dating or relationship experience decide to actually be choosy only on the basis of not being shown desperate, he may get shot down by the few women that do like him because he doesn't have any prior experience. A woman would prefer to be with a guy that other women has chosen in the past. While I can't agree with that sentiment completely, I can understand and respect that because it does have some merit.

 

While I don't think the guys' strategy itself makes a lot of sense because it is a lot of effort and hardly any reqard, it does have some merit if they hope to improve on their odds later on in life.

 

Even though I got enough strikes against me (being 28, never be in a relationship, still a virgin), I couldn't do it. I certainly don't have the energy or the skin to handle 5-10 rejections a day to do what they do. I just hope that the few women that I do like that also likes me would be accepting that I have no prior relationship experience and doesn't conclude that I am just some social misfit.

 

However, if that does happen, that works for me because I am looking for an open-minded woman for a relationship and if I get rejected on that, then she isn't what I am looking for at the end.

[road]

LOL!

 

That's exactly what happens with the numbers game. The woman isn't special at all. She's just the first one to say yes.

 

 

 

 

But you all fail to see that she is special to that man because he finally got a woman to go out with him. He's jumping for joy.

 

 

A man goes out every Friday and Saturday night for 1 year. He got shot down 100 times. On the 50th Saturday he gets a yes. A week later on the 51st Saturday he has his first date. He hopes everything goes well and this is the first date with her for many to come.

 

 

Now how is it fault he had to ask 100 woman before he met one that said yes to him?

[Harold of Andraste]

But you all fail to see that she is special to that man because he finally got a woman to go out with him. He's jumping for joy.

 

 

A man goes out every Friday and Saturday night for 1 year. He got shot down 100 times. On the 50th Saturday he gets a yes. A week later on the 51st Saturday he has his first date. He hopes everything goes well and this is the first date with her for many to come.

 

 

Now how is it fault he had to ask 100 woman before he met one that said yes to him?

 

No, that doesn't really count.

 

Special would be going out with the one girl he had a crush on. But that sort of thing doesn't actually happen in real life.

 

All I can do is go through the numbers.