Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 All this dating crap is crap. People make too many "rules". I see posts on here about how many times to text, call, etc. Its all stupidity really. Why the hell can't it just be a simple "I like you and want to spend time with you"???? It is obvious that a lot of problems come from all of the "rules on dating". Back in my parents day, it was a lot more simple….and it is quite obvious things have changed, and not for the better. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 There were rules then too, including that girls didn't call boys & few people had premarital sex. Think of the rules more as guidelines. Take what works for you & ignore the rest. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 There were rules then too, including that girls didn't call boys & few people had premarital sex. Think of the rules more as guidelines. Take what works for you & ignore the rest. Well obviously people in general were a lot happier back then, and relationships meant more than what you see a lot of now… just shallow "whatevers". "rules" as they exist now are running many a good possible relationships…. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well obviously people in general were a lot happier back then, and relationships meant more than what you see a lot of now… just shallow "whatevers".…. That is not obvious to me. My grandmothers were miserable in their relationships but they didn't have anywhere else to go so they put up with it. Many gay people were afraid to express their true loves. People didn't talk about abuse or cheating. They just stuck it out to avoid the shame. Few cared about pleasing their partners; good girls were supposed to just lay there & think of England & do their marital duty. Do you really want a relationship where the other person views sex with you as a chore & obligation rather than something to desired. Yes there were good things but don't think it was all perfect. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Actually it's mostly people too worried about nothing. They ask for rules, because they are inexperienced and find comfort in having a clear set of instructions. I don't see "rule-makers" posting an unsolicited list of rules. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 The only rules are the rules in which the party decides. Too much diversity for any set "rules" to work for everyone. Do not put much stock in the rules that people post on here. That may work for them; but not for you. Same goes for what I say. Boundaries are between two people; not the whole world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Karimikui Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I agree with you OP. And the telling thing is that almost all of those who promote these rules and even try to kill others' joy by encouraging them to play silly games, are actually single and have not managed to find lasting love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilaMarie Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 It's all just common sense really. When you go to a job interview can you show up late? Can you be rude? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 And the telling thing is that almost all of those who promote these rules and even try to kill others' joy by encouraging them to play silly games, are actually single and have not managed to find lasting love. I'm a bit of a Rules girl. . . not the book per se & I certainly don't advocate games. But I do like structure & some predictability. My rules include: 1. Be polite 2. Be honest 3. Don't smother me. 4. Meaningful conversations occur in person or on the phone. Never through text. 5. Take the time to get to know the other person 6. Don't overshare initially 7. Take no or at least not yet for an Answer. If those "rules" were too much for somebody I had no desire to have him in my life. I'm happily married for 7 years next month; together for 9. Before that I had LTRs of 2 years, 10-12 years (it's a fuzzy count) and 2 years. So I'm certainly not some bitter person who never experienced love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 There were rules then too, including that girls didn't call boys & few people had premarital sex. You really believe that? There might have been a little more stigma associated with it in some social circles, but I'm pretty sure that people have been have been doing the deed without a license for a few million years. Read a few paragraphs of this book on American Women During WWII for a bit of perspective. And of course we all know what happened in the early 60s with the invention of "the pill." Link to post Share on other sites
ChicagoSparty Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Who cares about dating rules? Just do what feels right. Screw all this dumb protocol crap. It will either work, or it won't...and if it didn't work because you didn't follow some stupid dating rule, then it wasn't going to work anyway. So who cares? Be yourself, do your thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well obviously people in general were a lot happier back then, and relationships meant more than what you see a lot of now… Unless you speak from experience, I doubt this to be the truth. They weren't happier back then, they just couldn't divorce or breakup as easily. Trust me, as Donnivain stated, plenty of relationships were unhappy but just had to stay together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 zI never said things were perfect back then…. but quite obviously…. society has changed for the worse. Kids are now often raised with little or no morals, no self respect, little/no love,, And they learn that from the shallow parents. "Freedom" is a 2 edged sword. It is wonderful when you know how to use it correctly. It is your undoing if you abuse it. And society, as a whole, has abused it. No, fact is,,,, people were a lot happier back then, and that includes dating. There are too many "rules" now…. all you have to do is look through these posts on here and see how many scratch their heads about when to call, how many days, how many tests, do this, wait that,…. Its all bull****. Just simplify. Happiness is not worrying. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 All this dating crap is crap. People make too many "rules". I see posts on here about how many times to text, call, etc. Its all stupidity really. Why the hell can't it just be a simple "I like you and want to spend time with you"???? It is obvious that a lot of problems come from all of the "rules on dating". Back in my parents day, it was a lot more simple….and it is quite obvious things have changed, and not for the better. The texting "rules" really are result of the fact that a lot of people "just don't get it" because of insecurity and/or other issues. For instance, needy/insecure people often find it necessary to text someone 20 times a day and then they wonder why the person has backed off or become annoyed. Or, the opposite happens, they are afraid of appearing to be needy/clingy so they don't respond or initiate enough. People who "get it", understand the limits and normal boundaries. My observation regarding dating today is that there are 4 things that doom/prevent relationships to develop: 1) Lack of confidence/esteem/insecurity, 2) Overthinking (result of #1), 3) Projecting (past relationship issues and creating a vision in their heads about the current partner which precludes them from seeing what's in front of them), 4) Impatience. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 When I compare my life to my own grandparents, I think it's easy to say that I am happier now than they ever were in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. I didn't go through my 20's with 4 kids and trying to hold down two jobs and paying a mortgage, etc, etc, etc... I got to enjoy my 30's traveling the world. They didn't get on to a plane until they were at least 50. But their sacrifices weren't lost and passed on to my parents. But that's me. These aren't "rules" for dating. Just the ignorant people who follow them call them "rules". Quite simply, do what you want and whatever makes you happy. Kids aren't now raised with little or no morals... that's always been happening, it's just more obvious now because the world is a much smaller place than it used to be. You can either be the person who complains about all this and shackled to them or the person who lives life on his own terms and takes dating into his own terms. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 The girl I reference here,, she texted me a lot….. at some points in the last said "this isn't working for me" if I didn't answer her fast enough. I enjoyed the attention.,,, but felt ok,,, I know I am all she has right now…. Im OK with it. She then blamed me for pushing her into a relationship…. but given her narcisstic traits….. now I see why. Link to post Share on other sites
Karimikui Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 These rules are reasonable. The rules that are ridiculous are those that advise people to not text back immediately, to demand 48 hours notice before a date, to wait a certain number of days before making contact, etc. It's quite pathetic. I also think the rules that say no texting is allowed are out of date now too. Of course you would hopefully not expect to have meaningful conversations via text, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with chit chat via text or confirming date plans, letting them know if you are running late and so on. The guy I met recently texted me every day from his business trip overseas and sent me interesting photos from the city he was visiting. It's fun and interesting and it's what people do in 2015. I'm a bit of a Rules girl. . . not the book per se & I certainly don't advocate games. But I do like structure & some predictability. My rules include: 1. Be polite 2. Be honest 3. Don't smother me. 4. Meaningful conversations occur in person or on the phone. Never through text. 5. Take the time to get to know the other person 6. Don't overshare initially 7. Take no or at least not yet for an Answer. If those "rules" were too much for somebody I had no desire to have him in my life. I'm happily married for 7 years next month; together for 9. Before that I had LTRs of 2 years, 10-12 years (it's a fuzzy count) and 2 years. So I'm certainly not some bitter person who never experienced love. Link to post Share on other sites
Karimikui Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 It's all just common sense really. When you go to a job interview can you show up late? Can you be rude? Well if they offer you the job following the job interview you don't ignore their offer letter/email for 3 days to make yourself look less available. You don't reject the job just because they confirmed the job offer via email instead of snail mail. You don't pretend you've got sooooo many other job offers that you're not sure you're available to accept their job right now. You just accept the job, if you want it. Things really can be that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Karimikui Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 The girl I reference here,, she texted me a lot….. at some points in the last said "this isn't working for me" if I didn't answer her fast enough. I enjoyed the attention.,,, but felt ok,,, I know I am all she has right now…. Im OK with it. She then blamed me for pushing her into a relationship…. but given her narcisstic traits….. now I see why. Why were you OK with this? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 No, fact is,,,, people were a lot happier back then, and that includes dating. Are you Marty McFly and do you have a time-traveling DeLorean? This is a bold, generalized and not entirely correct assumption you're making. Yes, the rules were "simpler" but that does not mean people were "happier." Maybe dating was simpler because there were no mobile phone and everyone got married right after high school and/or college (if they went to college). But women were largely expected do what the man said. That doesn't mean there weren't happy, loving relationships, but it was MUCH hard for women who were abused or who otherwise wanted out of their marriages to do so. Besides, "back then" was a much harder time for most. Unless you were a straight, white male (I'm talking in the Western world), there were limits on the work you could do and the kind of education you could receive. Sexist, racist and bigoted attitudes were accepted because, "that's just how things are." The post-WWII era is idealized as a time of peace and prosperity, but that doesn't mean that people had an easier or "happier" time from an interpersonal perspective. **I'll get off my soap box now. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 All this dating crap is crap. People make too many "rules". I see posts on here about how many times to text, call, etc. Its all stupidity really. Why the hell can't it just be a simple "I like you and want to spend time with you"???? It is obvious that a lot of problems come from all of the "rules on dating". Back in my parents day, it was a lot more simple….and it is quite obvious things have changed, and not for the better. Is it going that well for you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 The girl I reference here,, she texted me a lot….. at some points in the last said "this isn't working for me" if I didn't answer her fast enough. I enjoyed the attention.,,, but felt ok,,, I know I am all she has right now…. Im OK with it. She then blamed me for pushing her into a relationship…. but given her narcisstic traits….. now I see why. You concerns about this particular woman are valid. However, they do not support the broad generalizations you make about modern life. Too much texting or calling I would find smothering. I have a life & don't live to respond instantaneously to anyone. See my "rule" about not smothering me As for being available or seeming aloof or wanting 48 hours notice as specifics they are silly game playing rules but if you read between the lines, they are designed to teach people to have a sense of self esteem. It's nice to be thought of in advance, to have someone take the time to make plans. Those "rules" should be taken to help people understand that it's not ideal to be someone else's back-up plan, to be the person they call because they know you will not have anything better to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Listen, times were indeed different back in the day. To some, those years might appear to be have been "better" but in reality that's not necessarily the case as others have pointed out already. Every generation has their own unique basket of gripes and grievances when it comes to dating and relationships. There is no doubt that technology has changed the way we communicate with one another and has had a huge impact. I don't think anyone denies this fact. When people complain about dating today (myself included) it's that impact we're struggling with, trying to figure out how to navigate the treacherous techie waters with our dignity still intact particularly when you're of the generation that can compare the then and now. As far as frustrations with all the dating "rules", I agree with LilaMarie, it's common sense. Behave like a decent human being. I'm convinced that far too many people are obsessed with finding the right person instead of trying to BE the right person. So often I think the problem is that people hang on to breadcrumbs hoping against all hope that something will eventually click with that guy or girl when in reality we know deep in our gut that it just ain't right. We all have that ability but too many of us ignore the feelings or the signs and choose to date blindly out of fear of being alone. That's a recipe for disaster dating. OP, stop expecting so much and just be happy with letting each situation and each encounter be what it is instead of what you want it to be. That's exhausting! Just be yourself and hopefully that includes being cordial and respectful and then let the damn chips fall where they may. If you can't do that then perhaps you have bigger problems to worry about. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
menyou Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 zI never said things were perfect back then…. but quite obviously…. society has changed for the worse. Kids are now often raised with little or no morals, no self respect, little/no love,, And they learn that from the shallow parents. "Freedom" is a 2 edged sword. It is wonderful when you know how to use it correctly. It is your undoing if you abuse it. And society, as a whole, has abused it. No, fact is,,,, people were a lot happier back then, and that includes dating. There are too many "rules" now…. all you have to do is look through these posts on here and see how many scratch their heads about when to call, how many days, how many tests, do this, wait that,…. Its all bull****. Just simplify. Happiness is not worrying. Happiness is not worrying. This is it. We are a worry filled society. Very untrustworthy. It's pathetic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Krieger Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 What is wrong with rules? I have a few . 1) she cant be bigger or taller than me it looks wrong. 2) Have no kids so the relationship can be equal. Also I dont have kids. 3) Must have some kind of ambition in life. 4) want to be a mom as much as i want to be a dad 5) like the outdoors and try new things. 6) also understanding that i am not like every other guy . I think of other people before myself and have a sensitive side. That being said i am not a pushover and will you anyone out if there being a jerk male or female. 7) one last thing i am an introvert so i need some down time by myself sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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