Ace799 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) Now bear with me as this is my first post and it may be long. Basically I split with my girlfriend whom I was with for 1 year and 7 months, (last Saturday) I felt she was the perfect girl for me, we was each other's first everything pretty much (love, sex etc, apart from first kiss) but I made some big mistakes and regret everything when was with a girl who liked me for 3 years at college and was together for most of it plus being engaged It started on the Monday with an argument about going to different universities (we planned to go to the same but didn't met the requirements on the first induction week) we also recently started renting a place together as well, because wanted to go to the same uni I was fearing missing her etc. (but that's besides the point) we had the same argument again on Tuesday and both said we can't live like this but didn't Wednesday because we visited her dying granddad, who died that Wednesday night. Again we had the same argument on Thursday and this is where it all goes wrong, I get angry (sometimes like normal) and throw a mug against a wall (I know its abuse) this is probably the 4th or 5th time done this within 2 to 3 months (as well as name calling, again I know its abuse) she gets scared and calls her mum, from then her mum says she's going to go to her house for a few hours/days (now her mum can be very controlling and firm) to think about what we both want, by this point I know its over and don't hear anything till Saturday when she asks to come over to talk and basically says unless I get help then its over and she may get back with me if she sees progress and then she moves out and all her stuff is gone by the end of the day (which feel was pretty harsh) but she still says she loves me. From here basically moved back into my parents (without a bedroom) and been trying to get her back, Sunday I begged and got she needs space, it was her birthday on Monday so sent flowers which got a thank you for and today (Thursday) i've been to the doctors and got some methods for controlling my anger which I said to her about but all I got back was she can't do us and it anymore, as well as it went too far for her and she can't go back and information about bills with the flat which I begged some more and got the same response but she still has feelings for me but she said she was ill and was trying to sleep (fair enough) At the moment I feel rock bottom and everything in life seems mealiness and can barley live with myself from the mistakes i've made and without her, I know it seems fully over but can't help to think that she might come back where she has said she can't do something before and then came back? Any indication if she would or not would be brilliant or what I could do to try to get her to come back, I attempted NC from Monday to Wednesday (I know don't have the strongest willpower) and looked up methods online but any other methods or just help in general would be nice and if she would come back or not. Just can't seem to grasp how someone who loved me so much and someone who had a thriving relationship with could just shut down and cut me out of her life. Edited October 2, 2015 by Ace799 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 She told you what you had to do to even have a chance at reconciliation: 'get professional help for your issues and when - and if - she sees progress, she'll consider it'. Making a doctor's appointment two days ago and getting a hand-out on how to control anger is, yes, a first step in the right direction. There are many more steps, which will require a LOT more time and effort, to show her the change and progress that will allow her to reconsider a relationship with you. DO it. Even if it ends up being too little, too late with her, it will make you a better person - and a better potential partner - for someone else. As it sits now, you'll probably never have a *normal*, healthy relationship if there's problems with controlling your anger. Best of luck to you, OP... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Yes I am going to definitely get help for it to not only change it for her and our relationship but also for myself like you said. At the moment i'm going no contact and haven't spoke to her since Friday, I know with this no contact period she MAY come back to me because of the person she is and the relationship we had and factors like her missing me etc. Just can't help but not hope (even if there may be none) but either way I personally feel a lot better about life in the past couple of days, if she doesn't come back to me or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) I applied for professional help today but then broke the NC rule because felt good about my chances so explained to her and asked if could explain myself about solutions and fixing out relationship, which I didn't get a reply for. I feel so hopeless again, broken and terrible knowing that it is fully over Just don't know what to do anymore... Again any help would be nice as i'm just stuck and can't lose her :'( Edited October 5, 2015 by Ace799 Link to post Share on other sites
Tobin Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Stop contacting her. Get the help you need. That's all you have to do right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 Another update for those who care. Two weeks its been, two weeks since you just up and left the place we got together and me I know you'll realize what day it is and see that its been two weeks and also that you haven't seen me for two weeks (which will affect you) but I know I won't hear anything today even though it does where your blocking out your feelings for me (which is fair enough) These have honestly been the hardest 2 weeks of my life being without you and its still very difficult to not sit there and cry all day, I know it doesn't change anything and we're probably never getting back together but would do anything to get you back and the brilliant memories we had together, last night I was going through some of a old texts about when I came back from Hull after a week and how much you couldn't wait to see me and how you was counting down when I booked the train back, honestly I couldn't hold back the crying at that point in time. On the upside we haven't spoke since Tuesday (well been NC since Tuesday) and on Wednesday I did kind of meet a very nice girl at university which she seemed very friendly and like there was something there for me. I know its a long shot but kind of hoping you will see this as a kind of indirect message but know you won't. Your just everything to me, I don't want to be with anyone else and honestly thought we would spend the rest of lives together. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hope you didn't send that message. First, the begging/pleading thing pretty much never works. It's simply not attractive in a man. Second, your desperation makes her think that you're just getting help (which you barely mention) because you're desperate, not because you actually recognize that you've got anger management issues to contend with. Third, you mention some other girl. Not sure what you were thinking with that one. If you want to be attractive to this girl again, then "man up." No desperate pleas for anything. It may temporarily break your heart, but you'll move on with life without her. No pathetic sniveling. Then do what you need to do...enroll in anger management class, see an individual counselor, take meds to balance your moods, and get your life on track. My $.02 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hope you didn't send that message. First, the begging/pleading thing pretty much never works. It's simply not attractive in a man. Second, your desperation makes her think that you're just getting help (which you barely mention) because you're desperate, not because you actually recognize that you've got anger management issues to contend with. Third, you mention some other girl. Not sure what you were thinking with that one. If you want to be attractive to this girl again, then "man up." No desperate pleas for anything. It may temporarily break your heart, but you'll move on with life without her. No pathetic sniveling. Then do what you need to do...enroll in anger management class, see an individual counselor, take meds to balance your moods, and get your life on track. My $.02 Yes that's what i'm doing, no contact and getting help for my anger and problems and trying to move on in life. Just finding it difficult without her and how she doesn't seem to be hurting much (by the looks of some of her facebook updates etc) Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Yes that's what i'm doing, no contact and getting help for my anger and problems and trying to move on in life. Just finding it difficult without her and how she doesn't seem to be hurting much (by the looks of some of her facebook updates etc) Delete her off your Facebook. That will help. She still has your contact info. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Delete her off your Facebook. That will help. She still has your contact info. Very good point, did consider it before but thought it would be harsh but like you said she has my contact info. Link to post Share on other sites
froz Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I'm sorry to hear about this. It must be difficult for you. Link to post Share on other sites
craw Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) Way too harsh! Edited October 16, 2015 by craw Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Way too harsh! Her just leaving me like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 Today she contacted me asking about the flat and the new tenants moving in and if I heard anything about it (earlier in the day I contacted the letting agency and landlord as the rent is due soon as asked if needed to pay it, bear in mind she didn't know about this) I replied bluntly and said yeah have and has she? She asked from there what is happening and said been busy with uni and other stuff (which have) and that's why didn't let her know and basically said the new tenants are moving in soon and have to pay the rent etc. She wasn't told this today and seemed a bit off about the situation. She said it isn't my responsibility to let her know and asked me to let her know about anything else (dates etc) which agreed to and said maybe they didn't let her know because I pay the rent (not in a harsh way) She ended the conversation with agreeing with me about them not letting her know because I pay the rent but it affects both of us which is why they should, which also agreed with. Just feel handled the situation maturely, calmly and with being honest with her as well as being aloof (which could help our situation) and feel good for myself with the way did handle it. Any feedback would be nice. (Off topic as well but tomorrow marks 1 week since I lasted contacted her, which also feel kind of good about) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace799 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 This will most probably be last post and final update I'm feel fully over her now, sometimes I have bad days but I suppose that's normal. Everything is going really well in my life and honestly feel really happy. The only negative is not hearing back from counselling but I feel can control the anger pretty well now and haven't had a outburst since the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Stop contacting her. Get the help you need. That's all you have to do right now. ^^ This. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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