wmacbride Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Briefly put... If you are a bw or bh, would you want to know if your former ws still thought about, or had feelings for, their former AP? Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Never been married, so can't really say. I'd imagine so, it's what caused them to stray. I'd want to know, so it can be worked out or found, Open up the marriage, or leave, possibilities abound! Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 I don't know..honestly. I know it now and it hurts. But we are open and that's how you get through things and get stronger. but it hurts. I guess I would like to know. It would be easier to be oblivious or lied to but that's how we got to a place where our marriage was vulnerable to an affair so I guess I wouldn't want to go back there. But it hurts. But I'm also learning that those feelings are stuck there because it was a fantasy. It ended at the height of it. There was no "real life" no "bad times" etc. Its a fairtytale romance. Which isn't real. So it's not real. It's not a true representation of what the relationship was or could have been. It's just how it felt to be in the affair bubble. and he chose to be home. to work though with me. So lets work through it I guess. You have to go through the storm to get the rainbow. But it still hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 I'd want to know how they're processing those feelings. We all have feelings and they run the gamut and many, depending on how they are processed, can be detrimental to our relationships. We dealt with some of this in MC and I learned a lot about accepting feelings and processing them in a healthy way. If married (you mentioned BS, so I infer marriage), I'd look at the deal as a team approach, as a marriage is. If my spouse was challenged by feelings and put that out on the table, if the marriage was the priority, I'd seek to work that and support them in resolving them. That's a choice, not a requirement, as is the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Briefly put... If you are a bw or bh, would you want to know if your former ws still thought about, or had feelings for, their former AP? Maybe. More important is after D day is that the BS got all their questions answered without trickle truth in a short time span. And, that NC is in place and can be verified for the rest of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Giggle Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 I assumed he would. It was one of the reasons we ended up not reconciling. Figured any time he was bored or we weren't good, he would be thinking of her. Link to post Share on other sites
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