Getting over a break up - Manual

[BG1]

Getting over a break up: 75 easy steps to get over a breakup +10

 

Period of transition; I’m the master of my thoughts

 

1) Manage your activity in social media, do not stalk your ex, don’t share your feelings on FB. Protect yourself; stay away from social media and delete your ex.

 

2) If needed, keep it clean about communications, create boundaries

3) Let go of what if´s, you will have more time. Avoid to go back and consider the could/should

 

4) Don’t beat yourself up, use the break up to grow.

 

5) Don’t act out.

 

6) Assess your friendship, distance --> wound can heal. What are your needs? Sometimes a friendship with an ex it's not possible.

 

7) Steer clear from negativity, avoid bid decisions.

 

8) Don’t talk about your break up all the time.

 

9) Don’t worry about your ex, if you were the caretaker, you will have to stp that and prioritise yourself.

 

10) Be aware of rebound, avoid relationships after the break up.

 

11) Avoid drinking alcohol.

 

12) Avoid making big decisions, don’t run away by changing all your life.

 

13) Avoid the blame game, place your focus in healing. Think what this relationship as thought you.

 

14)Avoid making big statements, a break up can change your foundations.

 

15) Don’t think what your ex is doing, it’s time to think about you. It’s normal to have thoughts, flashbacks… distract yourself when it happens.

 

16) Don’t fight back your feelings, allow them to express  otherwise you will feel isolated. Acknowledge them.

 

17) Avoid calling it as a fail relationship, think it as a valuable learning experience/ Remember the positives.

 

18) Don’t chase your ex, sooner you accept this is over the quicker you will move on. Accept the power you have and you the ones you don’t have.

 

19) Avoid looking for information that would hurt you, it’s a priority to protect yourself.

 

20) Don’t let your ex to have control over you.

 

21) Don’t seek revenge, two wrongs don’t make a right.

 

22) Don’t rehash bad arguments.

 

23) Don’t try to make your ex jealous.

 

24) Stay away from special places, even it was good or bad.

 

25) Don’t take bad advice, be careful what kind of advice you listen to.

 

Place the focus on you! Be committed to yourself

 

1) Delete daily reminders from your ex.

 

2) Get rid of the things that remind you of her.

 

3) Keep perspective, avoid catastrophic thinking. While healing, remind yourself to gain perspective constantly.

 

4) Be happy about the times you spend together; the relationship was not a waste.

 

5) Focus on your personal grow, have you learn about you? About other people? Use this new knowledge for the future.

 

6) Be yourself, been in a relationship doesn’t define you. It’s normal to feel scared, go easy on yourself. Rediscover new things get in touch with yourself again.

 

7) Smile, engage in activities that give you joy, surround with people you love.

 

8) Allow yourself to grieve, there is not right or wrong way of coping with it. Think about feelings like waves.

 

9) Slow down the thinking, if you tend to overthink, recognise your emotions and slow them down. You can meditate, try to do a to do list and focus on that, make plans.

 

10) Confide in someone safe, do it with someone you trust (otherwise can be negative).

 

11) Remember why you broke, it’s not ways but it’s important to remember what wasn’t right. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and respects you the same way you do.

 

12) Write about it, its easier to process things once you write them down. Use writing as a healing tool. You can write a letter to your ex without sending it.

 

13) Allow yourself to be angry, it’s difficult to express and its hard to know what to do with it. Anger is dangerous if not expressed. Better out than in.

 

14)Focus on the things you have, its toxic to think about the things you don’t have. Remind yourself your achievements. List 5 things that are good in your life and 5 things you like about yourself.

 

15) Treat yourself as a friend, listen your feelings and be understanding. Be patience and caring.

 

16) Put your energy in the right direction, direct your energy inwards. Specially if you are focus before a lot in your ex. Time to prioritise your needs.

 

17) Recognise your relationship patterns and break them free, a lot has to do with self-awareness and what relation you had with your caregivers and parents. Ask why you seek for some kind of people (emotionally unavailable, vulnerable, care takers, etc..).

 

18) Don’t forget about all the other fish, there are more people out there that you think. Lot of opportunities to be discovered when the time it’s right.

 

19) Remember that time heals the wounds, think back about other sad/painful time. Remind you had been hurt before and you have healed. Have patience with yourself.

 

20) Take a break, cancel plans if you need to rest and feel quiet and alone..

 

21) Think about how your life will be better, what new opportunities may come, new experiences, write a list of things you would like to do or things you couldn’t do in your relationship. Less turmoil, fewer disagreements.

 

22) Practice acceptance, understand that the relationship is over. Important to remember and recognise when a relationship is worth fighting for. Remind yourself of things you can and can’t change. No matter how much you love them or you know them, you can’t change other people. Accept who you are and who your ex is.

 

23) Keep your wildness at check, don’t drink too much or do drugs. Avoid excess of anything. You are fragile right now. It’s easy to get carry away with replacements.

 

24) Ask friends and family to stop talking about your ex, if you need to protect yourself. Talking excessively don’t help.

 

25) Keep your faith in humanity, when you break up you are hurt. But don’t give up love. Remember there is a lot of good in this world.

 

Get your mind out of the break

 

1) Be kind to yourself, you deserve to be love and appreciated. Actively do nice things to yourself (go to the movies, eat well, get a massage, etc..).

 

2) Tackle your to do list, now it’s the time to get things down. Finishing things give a sense of closure. Increasing your productivity, it’s great for your self-esteem, as well as your feelings of independence, self-sufficiency and accomplishment.

 

3) Hang out with friends, socialising and a sense of community helps a lot. Find comfort in others, you are not alone.

4) Keep busy, be productive, give attention to your interest and passions.

 

5) Start a project, to refocus and quiet your negative thoughts. Somethings crafty really helps.

 

6) Do things you didn’t do during the relationships.

 

7) Sing at the top of your lungs, can be as cathartic as crying but more positive.

 

8) Have a movie marathon, watch whatever makes you feel better.

9) Read

 

10) Learn something new, helps you cope with difficult times and you can meet new people.

 

11) Volunteer, healthy sense of community helps feelings better and happier.

 

12) Rearrange your furniture, move things around.

 

13) Buy new bedding, can be a painful reminder, may be seeing as tribal but sudden reminders can be painful.

 

14)Spoil yourself, go on a spa day, have breakfast in bed, etc..

 

15) Think about the negative things about your ex, your ex has flaws, don’t think about her as perfect person. Don’t think big, think about the small things.

 

16) Be creative, baking, playing music, etc… let your mind open, both if you are talented or not.

 

17) Spend time with your family, they want the best for you, they are a valuable resource.

 

18) Write a list of things you are looking for, 5 things you are looking for (big or small).

 

19) Reconnect with old friends.

 

20) Reflect, take time to think about how far you have come in life. Achievements, strengths and capabilities. Think about your own good qualities, reflect on positive things you have done for others and moments you have exercise perseverance and resilience. When overcame difficulties too. Learn, grow and move on.

 

21) Eat well, its very important as it relates of how we feel.

 

22) Go outside, fresh air and the sim can help a lot/ Help you to get perspective.

 

23) Exercise, mind-body connection. Therebefore you will feel better and more energetic.

 

24) Use daily affirmation and mantras, will help you life your spirit and your self worth. Will help to break your negativity thoughts. Live in the moment, avoid regretting from the past and worrying about the future.

 

25) Take a vacation, allow yourself to take a vacation from your sadness.

 

Break ups are never easy, no matter your role, it always hurts. It’s important to remember that you are stronger than you think. In times of lost and pain, its important to remember to value ourselves. Be committed to yourself. Reminding that life has it’s ups and downs. Focus on you.

 

< source of above tips: Getting Over a Breakup: 75 Easy Steps to Get Over a Breakup; Kate Anderson (Author) >

 

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Some points I’m adding:

 

1) Find time to be by yourself, learning how to enjoy your own company will help you find calmness and will allow you to pause and think about what you want or need.

 

2) Change your playlists, ringtones on the phone and your perfume (for the time being), music may remind us a lot of our ex. Consider going back into listening old playlists or go on Spotify and discover new music. The sense of smells can trigger strong memories. (This can also mean to temporarily change your shower gels). You still have that call ring or message tone that remind you of her communications? Get rid of it. All these “trivial” things add up.

 

3) Don’t ask common friends about your ex.

 

4) Consider looking for professional help if you think it may be beneficial to you.

 

5) Don’t look for external validation, self-esteem can be profoundly affected if you have been dumped but dating apps and oversharing on social media won’t help you. Take time to remind yourself that validation has to come from within, once you interiorise that a big part of your happiness won't depend/rely others (specially strangers).

 

6) Get to know yourself better, you will have better define boundaries and will know what you are looking for in a partner. Meaning next time, you will be with someone that will complement you better and love you the way you want/need to be love.

 

7) Write, I'm repeating this one because is a very good one, you could start a journal or just write on a piece of paper the first things that come to your mind. Letting your thoughts out thru your writing can be very beneficial. It’s up to you to read it later or just put it away for good.

 

8) Avoid avoiding reality, sleep for 14hours a day, play videogames till late at night, work nonstop, etc… All these habits are hurtful in the long run, realise when it’s time to slow down or quit unhealthy routines.

 

9) Stop smoking, this is a perfect change to stop this expensive and unhealthy habit.

 

10) Take your time, you may read or see that some people move on quicker or slower than you.

 

Good luck with the healing and the recovery. Some days may feel like hell, others you will feel okay or even great. Just remember, it's a very hard and a long road but one step at a time. Best of luck

Edited May 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added source ~6

[ZayKayWill]

It's been a year and 3 months and I'm still not even close to over it. This really helped. Thank you... :/

[Gillys]

 

2) Change your playlists, ringtones on the phone and your perfume (for the time being), music may remind us a lot of our ex. Consider going back into listening old playlists or go on Spotify and discover new music. The sense of smells can trigger strong memories. (This can also mean to temporarily change your shower gels). You still have that call ring or message tone that remind you of her communications? Get rid of it. All these “trivial” things add up.

 

Nice addition!

I thought I was weird because I was only able to listen to NPR for months after my ex left last year. My ex was really into music and every song just ripped my heart out for months.

[BG1]

It's been a year and 3 months and I'm still not even close to over it. This really helped. Thank you... :/

 

Glad you find it useful. It's good to go back to it to remind ourselves that it's time to nurture and take care of us.

 

Nice addition!

I thought I was weird because I was only able to listen to NPR for months after my ex left last year. My ex was really into music and every song just ripped my heart out for months.

 

Thanks! Yeah, sometimes unconsciously we avoid certain things that remind us of our ex, could even be a part of ourselves, a hobby we enjoy or a routine.

 

Music is a double edge sword, I used to listen to our music most of the time as she loved it. Now I can't listen to that without feeling nostalgic or sad.

[penelopeanne]

what a helpful list!

[BG1]

what a helpful list!

 

Glad you find it helpful!

[BG1]

Bump :bunny: