Woman I am dating wants to adopt overseas as a single mom

[Lobouspo]

A little background: I have been dating this woman for about a month and we just recently agreed to be exclusive. On our second date she told me she intends to adopt a girl from her home country. I thought this was really great that she would do this and markedly change a little girls life for the better by bringing her to the U.S. to adopt. My concern is she just starting to see what a commitment this is. She still has grand plans of traveling alot and it just won't be practical with this child she is going to adopt. Also she doesn't have much of a support network in the city we live in. Just her niece that lives with her.

 

I'm open to moving this relationship forward and bonding with this child but how practical is it? She will be working full time and be responsible for this child with no real support network in place. Am I being selfish about my concerns? I'm in no place to tell her not to do this, but I just wonder how realistic it is to progress with our relationship. Thoughts? Insights? Advice?

[somanymistakes]

It seems unreasonable for her to expect you to be on board with this plan when you've only been dating for a month.

 

International adoptions are a lengthy and expensive process. You don't seem to have much idea of just how big a deal they are, if you're thinking more about how she'll look after the kid once she has one. That's the EASY part! Many single mothers manage to look after a child, even while traveling, especially if she has a niece who might help out.

 

But international adoptions can take years of waiting and paperwork and tens of thousands of dollars to go through, ignoring all the side issues of where the children come from that I've mentioned in other threads. There is a side advantage in that if this is her home country she wants to adopt from she probably knows the system better and therefore might be able to get past a lot of the pitfalls.

 

Adopting a child is a huge thing to bring into a relationship at your early stage, I would not blame you at all for backing out or wanting her to slow down, because that isn't really what you were expecting to get into.

[Els]

I don't think it's your place to voice concerns re: how she plans to take care of the child, when you've only been dating a month, IMO. What you CAN voice your concerns over is how this might affect you (and even then only if a LTR is potentially on the cards for both of you). If you don't think you want to be in a LTR with a mother, that is entirely your prerogative to decide.

[darkmoon]

are you supposed to play Dad? has she talked about any of your role? or lack of role?

 

adoption is quite carefully organised, agencies check prospective adopters

 

where are you in all of that?

 

in some States, once a guy has been in his girlfriend's life for over six months, he is liable for long-term financial support - for her child/ren

 

you can split up and still have to pay til the child is eighteen

[Els]

 

in some States, once a guy has been in his girlfriend's life for over six months, he is liable for long-term financial support - for her child/ren

 

you can split up and still have to pay til the child is eighteen

 

Are you SURE that applies if he isn't the biological father? That makes no sense - 6 months is a VERY short time, even countries that recognize de facto relationships require 2 or 3 years of living together before you are liable to provide any financial support to anyone upon separation. And the US doesn't even typically recognize de facto relationships, so why would they make someone liable for a child that isn't biologically his when they have only been dating for 6 months? It sounds like you are getting something confused.

[Sweetfish]

A little background: I have been dating this woman for about a month and we just recently agreed to be exclusive. On our second date she told me she intends to adopt a girl from her home country. I thought this was really great that she would do this and markedly change a little girls life for the better by bringing her to the U.S. to adopt. My concern is she just starting to see what a commitment this is. She still has grand plans of traveling alot and it just won't be practical with this child she is going to adopt. Also she doesn't have much of a support network in the city we live in. Just her niece that lives with her.

 

I'm open to moving this relationship forward and bonding with this child but how practical is it? She will be working full time and be responsible for this child with no real support network in place. Am I being selfish about my concerns? I'm in no place to tell her not to do this, but I just wonder how realistic it is to progress with our relationship. Thoughts? Insights? Advice?

 

 

not realistic at all. Is she not able to have a child?

[Gaeta]

I don't think she understands what she is getting into. Especially as a single woman adopting. Many countries are closed off to single parent adoption. I have a colleague trying to adopt in Asia and the process has now reached 5 years and they are nowhere near having a child. They also had to pay and go through extended medical test and phychological evalutation.

[preraph]

I wouldn't worry about it because it's too soon to worry about it -- and no, she has no idea how tied down this will make her.

[Popsicle]

Angelina Jolie.

[Lobouspo]

not realistic at all. Is she not able to have a child?

 

She's perfectly able to bear children according to her. She's just always wanted to adopt from her home country which I respect. I just worry these circumstances are not conducive to a healthy relationship.