I'm really tired of feeling bad about not going to after-work functions!

[Mapper71]

I work at a company of almost 100 people. It's a great place to work as it's very casual and laid back. They have an R &R committee that plans an event of some kind about once a month. Sometimes it's just a free company catered lunch, other times it's after work party with drinks and apps and other times it's a gathering at a ball game.

 

I have gone to a few but one I went to I came home about 2 hours later than I told my husband I'd be home and I didn't call. My bad I know, but I didn't have my phone on me and I was having a really good time meeting a bunch of new people. Well when I did get ready to leave and got my phone there was no call from my husband wondering where I was, in fact when I called him at 8:45 to tell him I was on my way home he was all grumpy because I woke him up and when I told him I stayed later than expected he goes "No ****!" and basically hung up on me. Since he hadn't called wondering where I was I didn't think he would be upset. I figured it wasn't a big deal to him. He has numerous times not picked up when I call wondering where he is and came home later than expected with no call as to where he was.

 

All I hear for 2 days is "Are you coming home after work or partying?" and "Don't get too drunk before you come home". He just couldn't let it go and I wasn't even drunk when I came home that night. From that time on it has been really hard for me to go to any after-work functions because I don't want to have to deal with him getting all pissy because I am out doing stuff while he is home. I never do anything with anyone but him. I have no female friends I hang out with. Then when I tell him I came home rather than go to the party he'll go "Why? Go have fun!" I can't win!

 

I'm tired of telling my co-workers that I can't go to anything because of some made up excuse. I'm sure they can see through it. I should be able to go without feeling bad OR I should be able to tell them flat out "I am not going" without having to give some lame ass excuse! Quite honestly the idea of making an excuse to coworkers is way easier than the anxiety I have of telling him that there's a get together after work.

[ja123]

OP, I just read your thread about your 16-year-old step-daughter, and it sounds like your husband is a very self-centered, unsupportive, narrow-minded partner.

 

 

He needs help. His comments regarding your going to work functions are really passive-aggressive and manipulative.

 

 

It is a really big concern that you do not have any female friends. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and this is one of the ways the spouse and maintain control.

 

 

Please read about passive-aggressive behavior, emotionally abusive relationships, setting your boundaries, and check out Susan Forward's "Emotional Blackmail".

[newmoon]

invite your husband to come along? I am sure most after-work functions allow that because it's out of the office and social time

[preraph]

Your problem is your choice of husband, not your work. He's controlling. You're letting him do it. You're the only one that can stop it. If you don't have kids, tell him to STFU telling you what to do or get out. If you do have kids, you need to set a better example and show them not to either be controlling or to let themselves be controlled. You are their role model, and so is he.

[Mapper71]

invite your husband to come along? I am sure most after-work functions allow that because it's out of the office and social time

 

Yes, there ARE certain functions, like the summer picnic and Christmas Party where others are invited, but most after work are just for staff because we are already around 100 people and if everyone brought someone to these functions then the price tag would be out of this world. Yes I do bring him to the ones where he is invited and he is happy to come. When I told him about this Cinco de Mayo party that we had after work that I didn't go to he goes "You can go to these you know. Are you afraid to go because you think I'm going to go off on you again? I'm okay with you going, I just want you to call if you will be late." I understand that and I am at fault for not calling you, but YOU didn't even attempt to call ME when I was 2 hours later than when I thought I'd be home so you obviously weren't THAT worried about me and were even in bed when I finally did call at 8:45! It's not like I was out until 2AM..it was 8:45! But you had no problem going off on me when I got home and accused me of not calling and then calling and waking you up and you not being able to go back to sleep. So you were upset that I didn't call AND you were upset that I DID call! Nothing I did at that point was going to be right!